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Loner Fashion – The Beginner’s Guide

Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide

 Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

-Oscar Wilde

As an avid people watcher I see a lot of things.  Fat people dressing all skinny, skinny people dressing like grandma’s, grandma’s dressing like pubescent girls, pubescent girls dressing like boys, boys dressing like Gangsta Mafia Drug Lords.  Fashion can do your head in.  Just when you distinguish white from la-ivory-pallor,  it changes its mind.  It becomes something else with a ridiculous French name.  But even fashion in all its flamboyance and temperamentalism can’t molest the true fashionistas.  The crème de la crème of high society.  The loners.  From Grace Kelly to her distant cousin Mick Jagger, loners have been venerated for their timelessness.  They have been admired for their long-abiding , ever-unchanging sense of style.  They have been admired for their majestic dominance of the word uncool.  In my experience as a loner observing loners in their natural habitats, I have discovered something.  Loner fashion can be divided into five different superbly sexy styles.

 

FIVE SHADES OF LONER FASHION   

 

#1 The Uncool Loner

Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide   Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide   Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide

Crocs are for people who want to add a level of difficulty in making friends or getting laid. - Sol

This clothing style is usually worn by the outcasted loner.  Adopters of this style favor wearing crocs, uggs and sandals.  Because of its peculiar and distastefully un-trendy nature to many people, this fashion style is frequently misunderstood and therefore rejected, along with its wearer.  This can result in labels such as “dork”, “geek”, “loser”, and “nerd”.  Regardless of this, many loners who adopt this style adopt so naturally, and with complete disregard for the faux-fashionista idea of style. We salute you!

Buys clothes at:

  • Second-hand stores/thrift stores
  • Borrows them from siblings/parents/grandparents
  • Kmart, Big W, Walmart, Asda, Tesco, Sainsbury

Favors the Colors:

Grey, Khaki & Tan.

Staple Item:

Sandals.

Washes Clothes:

Every 1-2 weeks, or whenever they smell like feces.

 

#2 The Subculture Loner

Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide   Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide

This loner fashion style is characterized by scary, esoteric looking and predominantly black colours and paraphernalia.  This style is worn by loners who associate themselves with the “goth”, “emo” and “punk” subcultures.

Buys clothes at:

Favors the Colors:

Black, White & Dark Red.

Staple Item:

Metal accessories.

Washes Clothes:

Only when it’s absolutely necessary.  Odors add to the mysterious aura.




#3 The Indifferent Loner

Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide   Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide

This clothing style is worn by loners who buy whatever is the most convenient, most available, or cheapest to purchase.  This nonchalance comes down to the fact that these people can’t really be bothered with “styles” and “trends” and find it an inconvenience to pay so much attention to what they consider trivialities, such as fashion.  This loner style is characterized by hoodies, sweat shirts, track pants, plain shirts, runners and occasionally uggs.
Buys clothes at:

  • Whatever store is geographically closest & most cheapest
  • Bargain bins
  • Large retailers such as Target, Myers, Walmart and Tesco

Favors the Colors:

Dark Grey, Navy & Black.

Staple Item:

Hooded Jumpers (Hoodies).

Washes Clothes:

Whenever they can be bothered (or, once every six months on average).

 

#4 The Eccentric Loner

Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide

This odd loner fashion style is perhaps the most reflective of the classic loner personality.  Frequently defined by out of date, mismatched clothing, this style is never quite in the same league with any other.  This style is highly individualized and so oblivious to popular ideas of “stylishness” that it’s in a world of its own.  Those adopting this strange, frequently unfashionable style may be further displaced from society due to their strange tastes.

Buys clothes at:

  • Op-shops/thrift stores
  • Multicultural & alternative stores
  • Markets & fairs
  • Etsy.com

Favors the Colors:

Orange, Light Blue & Green.

Staple Item:

Strange head-wear.

Washes Clothes:

Varies greatly.  Sometimes every day, 3 times a day, repeatedly.

 

#5 The Loner in Disguise

Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide

The loner who adopts this fashion style usually does so to blend in with the crowd.  Neither completely here nor there, this style of loner fashion is unassumingly plain.  It is the “average Joe” of all 5 types.  This style is defined by jeans, T-shirts, jackets and sneakers.

Buys clothes at:

Favors the Colors:

White, Navy Blue & Grey.

Staple Item:

Denim Jeans.

Washes Clothes:

Every week.  Just like everyone else.

 

Are you a loner?  Do you have an opinion about this article?  If so, let me know which style would suit you below Loner Fashion The Beginners Guide

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    About Luna

    If Morticia Addams had a child with Napoleon Dynamite, I would probably be it. A librarian by trade, when people ask me where the self help section is, I explain to them that it would defeat the purpose to tell them. After accustoming myself to the strain of excessive social interaction, I tend to run to the most deserted corner of the room to bacteria gel my hands. I aspire to inspire. I'm a Leo, Type O positive, INFJ, Type 4 Romantic, and if I was reincarnated ... I would probably be a hairless cat.

    • HiDDeN_EniGma

      I didn’t know where I was going to sit until I got down to Eccentric and in disguise. Maybe a little bit of both but even then I think I am more a Seasonal Mood Loner if that even is a style. I’ll wear whatever I feel comfortable in at the time, usually a lot of mixed up colours too and reflecting my mood and what season it is. One day I could be dressed like a Hippie, the next plain Jane, the next a bogan and in the night I could turn into a sultry vixen and then the next morning I might walk out onto the streets looking like a Neanderthal? But always clean unless I want to be left alone. 
      Great article, nice to know that even being a Loner which reflects solitude and being one…there is still other sub divisions that branch off from it. I’m curious to know what is Luna’s Loner style? :)

      • http://lonerwolf.com/ Luna

        Thanks for commenting, as always EniGma :)  A hippy to a bogan to a sultry vixen eh?  I find it difficult to be boxed up in one insular category, as I think most people would be… so I would say a little bit of everything.  In my hormonal, teenager years I’d say I was quite inclined to the gothic side of clothing, and around 11-12 I dressed like a boy.  Now my taste has changed to a sprinkle of kooky-crystal-lady mixed with dorky-plain-grandma :P  Cheers!   

    • http://twitter.com/GwenEllery Gwen Ellery

      Haha! Thanks for the smiles and chuckles. I’ve tried all of those loner styles and settled on uncool and indifferent. I keep trying to get back into something with more pizzaz, more color or more darkness, more coordination, but that would mean finding the other matching sock, and that is a major effort and waste of time on some days when there are so many other competing and more interesting things to do, as I’m sure other dorky loners can fully understand. :-)

    • http://twitter.com/GwenEllery Gwen Ellery

      Omigod, I’ve just realized I’m wearing white socks and sandals as in that first picture! But I’m in Germany, and a lot of people wear socks with sandals here in autumn. Does that make me in style? LOL

      • http://lonerwolf.com/ Luna

        Exactly Gwen :P  They call it being ‘fashionable efficient’, meaning that finding matching socks or any such twaddle is nonsense.  Those Germans sure are sexy Fashionistas.  Socks and sandals?  They give Carson Kressley a run for his money.  Keep up your fashionable efficiency, and thanks very much for commenting!

        • http://twitter.com/GwenEllery Gwen Ellery

           I like that concept: “fashion-efficient”. There’s a good non-fiction humor book concept in there. I once read a book that recommended dying all of one’s clothing black as a way to get things to match better and create an overall elegant look upon which to accessorize. They even had pictures of a woman stirring her clothes around in a black vat of water! I didn’t end up doing that, but I did go all black for a few years after that until I read an article that said men are less likely to date a woman who’s wearing all black (It has something to do with primal fertility signals), so I went for more color.

          p.s. Is there a way to subscribe to a comment thread on this site? I tend to lose track of things unless reminded.

          • http://lonerwolf.com/ Luna

            Wow – I’ve never heard of that peculiar advice, to dye your clothes all black :S It’s the lazy persons way to look eternally fashion-forward :P
            Yes – this comment system has now been updated meaning that if you want to subscribe at all, just go to the tab at the upper right hand corner that says “1 star”, and subscribe in the drop-down list. ;)

    • Anony Mouse

      Lol. I thought this was funny and great to read. I’m a mix of the indifferent loner and subculture loner. I wear plain shirt and hoodies. Usually all the same color, maybe my shirt may be different color sometimes. Never more than 2 colors. But it usually black or white or red.