Ariana from Spain recently asked us:
How do I get rid of negative energy from my life? At work there’s this one woman who is constantly negative and it really drains me. She’s always complaining, judging and speaking meanly about people behind their backs. I feel like she’s a constant drain and pain in the ass, and I wish I had some better way of dealing with this.
How to Get Rid of Negative Energy
Wanting to know how to get rid of negative energy from your life is a natural human defense mechanism, and it shows that you sincerely care about your own well-being. If something hurts and brings you down, why not try to fix it and remedy it? This is a logical and rational response for the healthy person that wants to stop “just putting up with” the toxic people and the negative energy around them.
However, in the self-love and self-improvement community there is an out-of-proportion emphasis on learning how to get rid of negative energy, learning how to block “low vibration” feelings/topics of discussion, and learning how to shelter oneself from what is known as energy vampires (people who feed on your energy).
All of these approaches, while well-meaning, approach negative energy from the disempowered mindset of a victim. In fact, this morning I opened my email to find a message from a website I’m subscribed to called something along the lines of, “10 Ways to Protect Yourself from Negative Energy.” The article recommended techniques such as smudging, crystal cleansing, introducing lighter topics of discussion, making time for self-care in your day, setting boundaries, and visualizing protective bubbles.
Don’t get me wrong, these are excellent short-term approaches to negative energy. These techniques are all proactive, and they help you to feel much better in the immediate present moment, but they are limited in their ability to truly help you understand negative energy and function alongside it in the long-term.
The problem with many short-term approaches that teach you how to get rid of negative energy, is that they speak about negative energy in terms of “how to banish it,” “how to defeat it,” “how to block it.” But these common approaches don’t take into account the reality of life: there is negative energy and there is positive energy. Without one, there can’t be the other. And there is no way that negative energy can be permanently blocked, defeated, or overcome. But it can be understood, integrated, and thus transcended.
If you would like to learn how to get rid of negative energy – or better still, learn how to not be so deeply impacted by it – you might benefit from some of the lessons I have personally learned on my spiritual path:
1. Negative energy is a fact of life.
By accepting it and accepting the negative people in your life precisely as they are, you create harmony and greater peace of mind. This is because you are honoring life as it is instead of trying to futilely change it. Ironically, the moment you resist the negative energy of others is the moment you allow it to have power over you, and the moment you declare “this shouldn’t be this way!” is the moment you contribute to the negativity even more. Then, strangely enough, you complain in your mind and you complain to other people about the person in your life who is constantly complaining. So how are you any better than them? You are doing precisely what they do, but with more self-righteousness.
2. Accepting negative people doesn’t mean letting yourself be used as a doormat or toilet.
You can still set boundaries and be assertive about your needs, but in a less reactive and stress-orientated way.
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3. You will always witness negative energy in your life, but you don’t always have to be disturbed or affected by it.
We spend a good deal of our lives running from what we feel is uncomfortable, but when we stop to face it, let it wash over us, and work to understand it we stop being slaves of its influence, and instead become lovers of existence. So stop running from it, and face it when you are ready to. It’s like the bogey-monster in your cupboard as a child: when the idea isn’t faced it is feared, but when faced, it is understood.
4. Permit yourself to empathize with negative people, but not to enable them.
Many people argue that empathizing is a form of enabling. It isn’t. You can understand a person’s pain that fuels their toxicity without feeding their self-pity. Very few of us are skilled empathizers, which is why we need to learn to love and accept ourselves first before we can effectively empathize with others (and keep in mind that being an empath is not the same as having empathy). But the more self-love you have, the easier it will be to love others.
5. Think about your ability to deal with negative energy in the short and long term.
Supplement the need to accept and understand negativity with all of the short-term techniques mentioned at the start of the article (however, I don’t recommend shielding techniques as they are a clear form of resistance). For example, you might like to limit your exposure, ask the person what they plan to do to change their issue, de-clutter your work area, learn how to be mindful, clear your area with essential oils, and so forth.
The question isn’t how to get rid of negative energy, but how to accept it as an inevitable force of life, without resistance.
I want to leave you with a beautiful message from the Tao Te Ching. I reflect on these verses often:
Do you think you can take
over the universe
and improve it?
I do not believe it can be done.
The universe is sacred.
You cannot improve it.
If you try to change it,
you will ruin it.
If you try to hold it,
you will lose it.
I am struggling with this. But getting rid of negativity is all around us even from the people we love. It cannot be stopped. The only way to ‘get rid of it’ is to be at peace with it. i cannot control people or situations; only i can control the way i think and behave. It took me years to understand it, and i am learning thanks to these articles. Sometimes it is just difficult to practice getting around negativity…
Very balanced understanding Aletheia. Thanks for writing it.
Not an exact fit but I like this part of an Eckhart quote —
“So, if you’re frightened of dying and… you’re holding on, you’ll see devils tearing your life away. But if you’ve made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.”
I believe by not reacting to annoying things people do we undo something annoying within us.
And not reacting is really at its core about radical acceptance. Thank you Doug!
Such confirmation/thank you
:) I’m happy to hear that.
What if I’m the negative person. I don’t want to be & I’ve had a lot of therapy/energy work over the years but it’s so powerful. I’m very aware of it but it’s controlling me & I want to be free. I know I still have a lot of pain & I’ve never been able to heal it fully.
The problem lies in your thinking Holly. I noticed that you wrote “it’s controlling me” when you refer to your negativity. But the reality is that it isn’t controlling you, you are controlling it. Taking responsibility for your negativity can be hard, and many times we think we are, but we aren’t, and defer the responsibility to other people (like counselors and energy workers). This is most likely the reason why you haven’t healed yet, along with neglect of shadow/self-love work.
I disagree. If someone isn’t able to get along after like 3 chances i move on. Yes, find a different job, whatever I have to do. I’m not responsible for other people’s bad behavior. At all.
You’re not responsible for other people’s bad behavior, that’s correct, but you are responsible for your own behavior. There are many cases when moving jobs is really beneficial for your emotional and mental health. In some cases this is a smart decision. In other cases this is just a form of escapism and avoidance of learning hard, but necessary lessons about others.
Hi Aletheia, also life is too short to hang on for too long in order to discover these hard lessons. Where’s the limit in torturing ourselves?
Hi Brenda! I understand how you feel about switching jobs or whatever when negative or toxic atmosphere is where you find yourself. I worked from 2011-2013 I worked in an extremely toxic and negative work environment with leaders (men who I supported) they were making millions and two other women who were my peers…Because I did not subscribe to their behavior, mindset and manipulative tactics…I became the scape goat, bullied and labeled…HR did nothing to resolve or minimize the ongoing issues (which were in play long before I was offered the position). At any rate, I did my best to remain positive and get my job done in spite of the blatant issues, gossip, rumors and simply bad behavior. And well just two weeks after resigning, I was informed that the “entire” business unit was downsized from the company, including the President of the business unit. I have no regrets, I look back and I realize that although it was painful and humiliating to be harassed and bullied on the job, I “chose” not to retaliate or become bitter by my “experience”…Can you imagine every day having to hear people be referred to as “that effen idiot, or so and so is a real A-Hole or to hear rumors and gossip about people and their personal lives, etc.”…that stuff had me going home in tears and feeling bad all the time. But I did not hold it against the people…it was the bad behavior that I had a problem with. Taking the high road is never easy but it’s the only way we can “confront and conquor” the real issues. There is a good book I read called “The I in the Storm”…check it out! It speaks very clearly to this type of negative energy, etc.
I like your content but the multiple pop-up subscription prompts are really irritating. For what it’s worth, I click on Facebook links to your site much less often now than I used to because of them.
Thanks for letting us know Caryn. We’ll try to reduce how often they pop-up (and I agree, it can be irritating!).
I appreciate your quick response, Aletheia. Thank you.
This is off topic but I just read that Chrissy Teigan and John Legend named their daughter Luna Simone. Wow!
“when the idea isn’t faced it is feared, but when faced, it is understood”, this statement has been inside me for a long time, but my mind just couldn’t understand it. I have to do something that I really really really don’t like but I truly need to understand. Thank you for putting it into words, Luna. This helps me to be more grounded to start the day.
Yes, it can be hard to summarize all that’s going on up there! I’m glad this can help you to start a more grounded day. Thanks for commenting/reading!
Great approach to Negative Energy. my preference (as with pain, physical and mental) is to embrace it and make it your friend. It can take you to some interesting places you would have not gone just being “fat, dumb, and happy.”
That is an intelligent approach Bob. :) I agree