Dear Mum and Dad,
I’m writing this letter to let you help me.
I feel sad and very bad when you make angry faces at me and sometimes make me do things I hate doing. This is why I’m naughty sometimes, and throw tantrums.
You don’t let me do things I love, instead you make me do things I hate. Like playgroups.
Playgroups are very loud and tiring for me. When you leave me with lots of strange people I feel like I want to run away, or I might explode. Don’t force me to go to them. Too much screaming and shouting and playing makes me tired sometimes, and also sometimes scared. I hate playing with lots and lots of people, it confuses me! I like playdates more. But don’t make me go to them either. Sometimes I like to play by myself. Just like today.
I have an imaginary friend called Pummel. He likes to sit with me and play cars and trains when the house is all quiet. I like when the house is like that, and when I can sit and play with Pummel. But he’s scared of the noisy people you bring to the house and tries to hide with me sometimes. Just like yesterday.
I didn’t like the strange people that came into the house yesterday. Can we get rid of them? Sometimes they surprise me and make my face feel hot when they shake my hand, or pick me up. I don’t like when they all look at me. Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend they’re not there. Can you not tell them about me please? I feel embarrassed.
Many adults make me feel embarrassed. I don’t like when I have to stand with you in front of them, and when you say I should talk to them and stop being so silent. Sometimes I don’t feel like talking to ANYONE, not even Pummel. I don’t even want to go to birthday parties sometimes, I prefer to make secret cities with my cars and trains. I don’t know all the people at birthday parties and sometimes it makes me very shy.
I love when you hold my hand and walk with me. I feel very happy and safe, but sometimes you make me do things and it makes me mad and scared inside. I know that sometimes I’m not very friendly to other people and I don’t say much, but there are many good things inside of me as well. I hope you can see these things too.
Love from,
Alice
I could have written this. I’ve tested over and over and each time, I’m a solid INTP. I grew up with a father who’s an introvert himself and totally understood my need for solitude, my love of reading and learning and my tendency to observe rather than engage when I was around others. At the same time, my mother belittled and criticized my being different and took every opportunity to tell me I “wasn’t like the others” and worst of all, “I was just like my father”. In her eyes, that was the biggest insult of all. I still consider it a compliment. My father is why I embrace my introversion and that’s led to a full, wonderful life.
I always find it funny how my fav memories are ones where I’m alone in the library getting all the books I can carry and finishing most of them at the end of the week when it’s time to return them. Play one that I remember vividly is when I got up to the checkout with my 10 books and my mom saying I should put them back and my dad backing me up on the fact that I read through books like a machine (this was merely from the fact she always worked and it was dad at home. She wasn’t the “bad parent”) the library has always been my favorite place running my hands along the spines of the books the noticeable difference between the ages of each book how the pages feel. How the cover art is always different. How they smell.
I guess what I’m saying is find what your kid loves and let them do it. Mine just happened to be books. (Could go on and on about how books have shaped my small 14 years on this planet)
Very wise advice korynnininm. It’s sad (but understandable) how parents feel the need to impose their beliefs, feelings and expectations on their children of “what they are supposed to do” and “how they are supposed to feel/think” — so to be able to allow your child this kind of freedom is very nourishing indeed. :)
I have a f a family of old hippies (most n my mom side), punks (dad and my uncle), and one old cowboy (grandpa) so nothing was ever pressed on me. I guess I’m lucky
You are. :)
you definitely are
Emotionally, I can relate to this letter. I had a rough childhood. Some people had traumatic experiences in when they were young, but for me, every single day was traumatic. It was so intense for me, I got extremely overwhelmed until I decided not to feel anything. I chose to shut down my emotion because I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t only feel pain. All my family accused me and blame me for being too sensitive and they told me to be more outgoing and “open” like other kids. But I preferred to spend my time by myself so I can feel safe and comfortable. They also treated me like I knew nothing about life. I knew their true feelings and thoughts, and I often found they didn’t do or say things according to their feelings and thoughts. They lied to me, and even worse they lied to themselves. I had insights about life since I was very young. But all things went on and people around me made really destructive effects on me. It went on until a few years ago I found myself truly exhausted and burned inside out. All emotions I abandoned all my life emerged at the same time. I was confused, I became sick emotionally and physically. But then I gradually explored myself. My soul started to reveal everything and and answers all questions. My spiritual journey truly began, and that absolutely paid all the pain and all raging storms inside fir all these years. Now, I feel so grateful that I had those “terrible” experiences when I was a kid. All experiences really help me to find myself. This website adds more and more joy to my journey because finally I find many other people share the same path about living and thinking differently. I can relate to all articles with all enlightening insights. I feel so relieved, blessed and full of joy.Thank you Sol and Luna for your sincere hearts. Thank you everyone for your great contributions here
“Now, I feel so grateful that I had those “terrible” experiences when I was a kid. All experiences really help me to find myself.” <- I really love this. This is precisely how I feel about my own upbringing as well (although for different reasons). Far enough through our life journeys some of us have the honor of discovering an awe-inspiring truth: all experiences, whether good or bad, help us to learn and grow. In my case, they helped me to discover the person I truly was by showing to me the person I truly wasn't. Sounds confusing right ;) But I think many who come and read this article will understand.
I really want to thank you for taking the time to leave a comment here. It means a lot to me to connect with others on the same path. x
Yes, Luna, it means a lot to me too. Thank you, thank you so much :)
:)
Dear Christopher – Thanks for telling your mom and dad about this early, now, before it gets worse. Otherwise, you might find yourself in the predicament of this 15 year old girl: http://www.livemint.com/Leisure/XuM1XzV2et5hAMBdShZHjO/Handling-an-introverted-teenager.html
” In the last four-five months, she has started protesting, refusing to come, to the point that I have had to shake her, even slap her.” What a terrible way to deal with an introverted child! Thanks for sharing the consequences that some introverted kids have to face Vicki.