“I would rather be alone with dignity than in a relationship that requires me to sacrifice my self-respect.” – Mandy Hale
By now, I’m sure you’re aware that the World Health Organization has declared loneliness a “global public health concern.”
It’s old news, but the phrase “loneliness epidemic” hangs in the air like a dark cloud for many people, myself included.
What I dislike about this term is that it can taint aloneness with the fear of becoming lonely.
Soul Work Compass Course:
Drifting through life without direction is exhausting. If you feel paralyzed by confusion or self-doubt, this course is your map out of the fog. We guide you safely through your inner darkness to uncover your true needs, values, beliefs, wounds, and sacred gift. Turn your confusion into crystal-clear direction and find your True North today.
It frames loneliness as a sickness to be cured instead of an invitation to look more deeply into WHY many of us feel so lonely in the first place. (Soul sucking late stage capitalism and the erosion of our society due to social media and sociopathic organizations, perhaps? Ding ding ding!)
In many ways, trying to avoid being alone (and part of the “loneliness epidemic”) can make us want to stay longer in relationships, friendships, and social connections that are unhealthy, simply so we can avoid being lonely. Avoid being “another statistic.”
We’ve developed a collective fear about being alone, reinforced by terminology like “loneliness epidemics” and perhaps also the forced isolation of the COVID period.
But I’m here to encourage you to choose loneliness rather than staying in a dead, abusive, or misaligned relationship.
Sometimes, loneliness is the better of two evils – the price you pay for not betraying yourself and listening to what your heart and soul truly needs.
Sometimes, loneliness is the crisis you need to break open new worlds of possibility that exist just over the horizon. The only catch is that you need to walk alone.
When faced with an empty, manipulative, or emotionally vampiric relationship, choosing loneliness is an act of self-sovereignty. It’s a reclamation of your inner power. It’s an assertion of your deeper strength.
Shadow & Light Membership:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "traight from the very first weekly email, this has been mind-blowingly powerful, the synchronicity and the on-vibe contents resonate uncannily with my soul’s current challenges."– Marie
Being alone is better than being with the wrong person. It’s better than holding on to something that died years ago.
Because there’s always an “opportunity cost” here. By choosing the company of another, you’re giving up on a deeper and more respectful relationship with yourself.
So ask yourself, what are you willing to sacrifice here?
***
These reflections are short, but I hope they’ve given you some valuable insight or food for thought.
“Choosing” loneliness in the face of abuse is often easier said than done. So if you need support, see these domestic violence hotlines.
If you have been contemplating leaving or ending a relationship or friendship, I hope whatever decision you make is based on loving self-respect rather than fear.
Tell me, at what point do you know that being alone is better than being with someone? Share with me the biggest red flag by leaving a comment below. I read and try to respond to as many responses as I can!
Whenever you feel the call, there are 2 ways I can help you:
1. The Soul Work Compass Course: Ready for deep transformation without the fluff? The Soul Work Compass provides a step-by-step path to finding your inner truth and life direction. Heal core wounds, clarify your values, and walk away with a concrete guide for living. Get started now!
2. The Inner Work Journal Bundle: Stop surface-level healing. Dive into the depths with 150+ journaling prompts designed to help you face your demons, heal childhood wounds, and embrace your shadow. Three sacred journals, lifetime access, print as many times as you need. Real transformation starts here.
YES! 🙂 … Trauma in me may not know, but liberated soul does… To any concerned question of any of the neglectful or abusive family members or friends… she just shows the middle finger… short and clear 😉
I left a both mental and physical abusive relationship more than 10 years ago. It took a long time for me to leave (10 years) but I’m in such a better space now. I was with a narcissist who put me in a very dark place convincing me I had a problem. I started to believe I was going crazy until I finally realized it was better for my mental health to be alone than to be with someone who I thought I was in love with. Being alone is a journey that everyone needs to experience to appreciate and love themselves
I admire and respect your courage, Grace 💜 Thank you for sharing.
I am 57 years old. My 2 children are on the verge of leaving home and I am still living with the father of the youngest. I feel as if our relationship has always been difficult, lacking in intimacy, emotional connection and emotional support. Although on a practical level, we are a good team. Now, my elderly parents live next door to us. I feel so trapped in this situation, by a sense of duty … to the father of my child, to my parents, to my siblings. A part of me wants to walk away. Another part of me is afraid that I will be giving up the most important relationships in my life for nothing. I feel really stuck and sad, and feel like the only joy and hope I have is in the time I spend with a few friends. I am too afraid to take a leap into the unknown at this point in my life.
Hi ♥️, I’m 55 and healing… You have anxious att. style, and your husband avoidant… Take a week alone – go anywhere, away from the place you live…
and try to answer these two questions : “Can your family survive without you? … Can you survive without them?” … Heal. Soul that you really are doesn’t even need a body… You just live in your childhood patterns. With healing, we grow up and become free. 🙂🙃🥳
The number of women who are not interested in pursuing anything with men right now is honestly astonishing. It is not just a trend, it is a quiet, collective shift. Women are tapping out mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They are not bitter, they are not heartless, they are simply exhausted.
Exhausted from the constant cycles of disappointment. Exhausted from giving love that is not reciprocated. Exhausted from having to play roles they were never meant to play, lover, healer, therapist, mother, peacemaker, all while getting the bare minimum in return.
You really turned women all the way off.
It was not just the lies or the cheating. It was the gaslighting. The breadcrumbing. The emotional unavailability. The way men pursued them passionately, only to neglect them once they had them. The way effort became a foreign language, and consistency felt like a rare luxury.
Women are tired of explaining how they deserve to be treated. They are tired of reminding grown men about basic respect. They are tired of lowering their standards just to say they have someone. So they are stepping back. And stepping up for themselves.
Now more women are pouring into themselves. They are choosing peace over partnership. They are traveling alone, healing alone, building alone. They have stopped waiting for a man to choose them, because they have already chosen themselves.
It is not that they do not want love. It is that they refuse to settle for something that looks like love but feels like emptiness. And until someone comes along who adds peace instead of problems, who brings security instead of stress, they are perfectly fine staying single.
And honestly, that is not a loss. That is self respect.
I realized a few months ago that being alone is better than being in a relationship/friendship with someone who is abusive or manipulative. I stayed for 8 years thinking that things would get better but they only got worse and I started to realize that if I don’t leave and help myself then I would just end up more lost and fighting for something that no longer existed. I knew that by choosing myself and leaving the relationship then I wouldn’t be losing anything. I would only gain and be happier. I am happier alone on my own and I’m starting to find myself again.
It’s alot about how you spend that time ‘alone’ – being alone can be inspiring in that you’re learning something new, learning something about yourself, finishing unfinished business, or just being outdoors hiking about. Sometimes unresolved issues burst forth a solution you didn’t/couldn’t realize while in the company of others.
Real loneliness is when your face is in your cellphone too much.
I am alone but not lonely.
I’m glad to hear that, Kala :)
I have been by myself for over 20 years, and I don’t mind it. I’m comfy in my own skin, and in reality, I’m never alone. I like being around people, but I don’t need others to make me happy.
” I don’t need others to make me happy” — that’s the space to be :)