“I would rather be alone with dignity than in a relationship that requires me to sacrifice my self-respect.” – Mandy Hale
By now, I’m sure you’re aware that the World Health Organization has declared loneliness a “global public health concern.”
It’s old news, but the phrase “loneliness epidemic” hangs in the air like a dark cloud for many people, myself included.
What I dislike about this term is that it can taint aloneness with the fear of becoming lonely.
Spiritual Wanderer Course:
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It frames loneliness as a sickness to be cured instead of an invitation to look more deeply into WHY many of us feel so lonely in the first place. (Soul sucking late stage capitalism and the erosion of our society due to social media and sociopathic organizations, perhaps? Ding ding ding!)
In many ways, trying to avoid being alone (and part of the “loneliness epidemic”) can make us want to stay longer in relationships, friendships, and social connections that are unhealthy, simply so we can avoid being lonely. Avoid being “another statistic.”
We’ve developed a collective fear about being alone, reinforced by terminology like “loneliness epidemics” and perhaps also the forced isolation of the COVID period.
But I’m here to encourage you to choose loneliness rather than staying in a dead, abusive, or misaligned relationship.
Sometimes, loneliness is the better of two evils – the price you pay for not betraying yourself and listening to what your heart and soul truly needs.
Sometimes, loneliness is the crisis you need to break open new worlds of possibility that exist just over the horizon. The only catch is that you need to walk alone.
When faced with an empty, manipulative, or emotionally vampiric relationship, choosing loneliness is an act of self-sovereignty. It’s a reclamation of your inner power. It’s an assertion of your deeper strength.
Shadow & Light Membership:
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Being alone is better than being with the wrong person. It’s better than holding on to something that died years ago.
Because there’s always an “opportunity cost” here. By choosing the company of another, you’re giving up on a deeper and more respectful relationship with yourself.
So ask yourself, what are you willing to sacrifice here?
***
These reflections are short, but I hope they’ve given you some valuable insight or food for thought.
“Choosing” loneliness in the face of abuse is often easier said than done. So if you need support, see these domestic violence hotlines.
If you have been contemplating leaving or ending a relationship or friendship, I hope whatever decision you make is based on loving self-respect rather than fear.
Tell me, at what point do you know that being alone is better than being with someone? Share with me the biggest red flag by leaving a comment below. I read and try to respond to as many responses as I can!
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I am 57 years old. My 2 children are on the verge of leaving home and I am still living with the father of the youngest. I feel as if our relationship has always been difficult, lacking in intimacy, emotional connection and emotional support. Although on a practical level, we are a good team. Now, my elderly parents live next door to us. I feel so trapped in this situation, by a sense of duty … to the father of my child, to my parents, to my siblings. A part of me wants to walk away. Another part of me is afraid that I will be giving up the most important relationships in my life for nothing. I feel really stuck and sad, and feel like the only joy and hope I have is in the time I spend with a few friends. I am too afraid to take a leap into the unknown at this point in my life.
I realized a few months ago that being alone is better than being in a relationship/friendship with someone who is abusive or manipulative. I stayed for 8 years thinking that things would get better but they only got worse and I started to realize that if I don’t leave and help myself then I would just end up more lost and fighting for something that no longer existed. I knew that by choosing myself and leaving the relationship then I wouldn’t be losing anything. I would only gain and be happier. I am happier alone on my own and I’m starting to find myself again.
It’s alot about how you spend that time ‘alone’ – being alone can be inspiring in that you’re learning something new, learning something about yourself, finishing unfinished business, or just being outdoors hiking about. Sometimes unresolved issues burst forth a solution you didn’t/couldn’t realize while in the company of others.
Real loneliness is when your face is in your cellphone too much.
I am alone but not lonely.
I’m glad to hear that, Kala :)
I have been by myself for over 20 years, and I don’t mind it. I’m comfy in my own skin, and in reality, I’m never alone. I like being around people, but I don’t need others to make me happy.
” I don’t need others to make me happy” — that’s the space to be :)