There’s so much content out there about how healing can only happen in community. How we must co-regulate with others to truly heal. How trauma is best fixed by safe relationships.
While this may have some level of truth, I’m here to affirm that healing doesn’t always have to involve other people.
It’s okay if your healing journey is a solitary one.
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Firstly, not all of us:
- Have access to safe and supportive people,
- Want to even be around people (wave to the lone wolves out there!),
- Find that choosing solitude is way more healing than talking with others.
While I’ve found that connecting with others does help for some types of trauma, for others, it can be counterproductive. It can overwhelm, dissociate, and shut down the mind and body. It can stress an already burdened nervous system with fears, doubts, and unwanted social obligations.
Sometimes, we need to burrow away in a cozy, quiet hole with warm blankets and a hot cup of tea, watching the world go by.
Sometimes, we need people-free spaces that allow us to hear our own authentic inner needs, rather than the incessant noise pollution of daily life.
Sometimes that’s the most powerful form of soul work available to us.
As a highly sensitive introvert, I often find that the most healing and grounding moments I experience occur in total solitude, often in nature. These times of silent contemplation give me the breathing space to think, dream, and recharge my life force energy.
Perhaps most importantly, they allow me to get back in touch with my Soul, my deeper, authentic Self that feels connected with the whole glittering web of life.
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Truthfully, being in noise and engaging with others often doesn’t allow me to do that. It has the effect of filling me with words, ideas, and ego-based interactions, all of which deplete rather than nourish my spirit.
To find that sacred space, I often find that I need to be emptied more than filled. That’s why solitude can be so healing.
Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung once echoed these feelings, writing in a letter to an old acquaintance,
Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.
Don’t you love his use of “torment”?! It seems a little… strong. But let’s face it, talking and engaging with others can feel like torture, especially when you lack the physical, mental, or emotional bandwidth.
So this is just a short and sweet message to let you know that you’re not “doing healing wrong” if it has been mostly a solitary journey so far.
No one gets to tell you how your healing journey “should” look or what you “need” to be doing. Follow your instincts. If that’s to get a therapist, get one. If that’s to spend most of your time on quiet walks in the woods or curled up alone watching fluffy cat videos, do that. Your body and Soul know better than a book or YouTube video.
In the words of the poet Dodinsky,
In solitude is healing. Speak to your soul. Listen to your heart. Sometimes in the absence of noise, we find the answers.
Tell me, what unexpected practice has been the most healing for you so far – something not often discussed or validated? I’d love to hear in the comments!
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(Currently snuggled up alone with a pile of books, tea and fuzzy blanket lol!) This article arrived at a perfect time. I’ve been healing alone for a few years now and often wonder if I’m doing something wrong because they always say things like, “it takes community; if relationships are where you got hurt then relationships are where you heal” but I just want to be alone in a cocoon… being around people feels too overwhelming and dysregulating. Thank you for this article, always look forward to your compassionate insight ❤️
I hear you, Claire – you’ve described my perfect cozy scenario! I’m glad you found this post affirming. Few people talk about this reality!
Thank you! Very reassuring.
I’m so happy to hear that Sally 🌙
To find inner peace and tune out the world for a while, I grab my various drawing pencils and two large pads, and sit in my comfortable recliner on my own to doodle/draw artistic pictures. It’s my visual diary, plus a little peace/piece of my inner self laid bare and created to solitude and inner satisfaction.
Sometimes I draw from objects that take my fancy, other times it is whatever comes to mind or imagination at the time. This practice often lets out the inner crap in mind, or other unconscious feelings or emotive responses. While this happens, my mind dims out for a while, and the noise of the Ego often goes silent. So a relaxing inner peace happens, which helps me of an overactive Loner Wolf a variety to relax completely. It’s my inner sanctum, my quiet garden of creative delights that only I can dwell in.
Other than this, I do Qi Gong exercise for the balance of energy flow and meditate using YouTube relaxation tapes, which are excellent to calm anxiety states and regain sleep.
Loving kindness, balance, and peace to all who read this note.
Blessing to you both and the Birthday girl, Sage, too.
You paint such a cozy and relaxing picture here, John. Thank you for sharing!
I’m in agreement…solitary…in the moment
connection in nature offers an amazing acceptance and belonging with what is…Wolfe
Thank you, Wolfe (cool name!)
Thank you for advocating for solitude, especially in nature. Nature offers no words, only a strong but neutral presence – so healing, especially to introverts I think. I’ve built up so many protections as a sensitive introvert, that to be alone, especially in a quiet park or forest, is restful and restorative.
“ Nature offers no words, only a strong but neutral presence” — I love the way you write this, Kate. Thank you 💜
Loved this article…it resonated with my thinking. For me, healing is, at the end of the day, a personal and private relationship between self and soul. Soul-less chatter is depleting, so best not to engage. Healing is solitude, it does not require an audience, its usually a time to reflect, learn, accept and regenerate. For me, this can only be done in quietness, peace and solitude. Thanks for the article, Aletheia. Blessings to you and your family<3<3<3
“ For me, healing is, at the end of the day, a personal and private relationship between self and soul.” — you put this so gracefully, Grace (okay, I know that was corny 😜). I absolutely agree!
I’m a HSP introvert and love your quote “I need to be emptied rather than filled”. I’m putting that in a frame up on my wall. I come back to people..ing once in while but love solitude!
Thank you Aletheia for your wisdom. My healing journey has been mostly alone because I could never quite connect with “professionals”. Yep, travel your own road!
Thank you for your kind and affirming words, Jody. Lovely to connect with a fellow sensitive lone wolf 😊
Thank you. I resonate with what you’ve just stated. I’m so ‘done’ with words or interractions with people. I often sit, just staring at the clouds drifting by, marvelling at their colours, shapes. I also, at this time of year, take comfort from the Starling murmuration that I’m blessed to be able to see from my front window – totally captivating! And so, so centering.
I don’t know what a Starling murmation is, but it sounds intriguing. I’ll go look it up! Just sitting and staring at nature soothes my soul too. Thanks Marion for sharing!
💯🙏❤️🔥
This arrived at the perfect time. The more I heal and empty out and realize what is truly authentic for me, the more I recall how much I craved alone time in nature as a child and need it now more than ever as a 46 year old woman rooted to the Earth. I am finding I am losing my words and desire to talk a lot and do feel that having to conversate can be tormenting at times. I have slowly surrendered to the fact that I can’t escape modern life, but I am learning to honor my need for alone time more than ever in order to stay balanced.
Yes totally get this. Being in crowds or inside a busy shop too much for me at moment. Feel my ego resistance becomes noisier and my inner child more anxious.
Need to rest asap xxxxx
I’m so glad you are finally retuning to your roots and what your Soul needs, Shannon 🌙