There’s so much content out there about how healing can only happen in community. How we must co-regulate with others to truly heal. How trauma is best fixed by safe relationships.
While this may have some level of truth, I’m here to affirm that healing doesn’t always have to involve other people.
It’s okay if your healing journey is a solitary one.
Spiritual Wanderer Course:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "I started the Spiritual Wanderers Course a short while ago and for the first time in twelve years I have started to experience love, acceptance and compassion for myself and within myself. Thank you so much." – Vivienne S.
Firstly, not all of us:
- Have access to safe and supportive people,
- Want to even be around people (wave to the lone wolves out there!),
- Find that choosing solitude is way more healing than talking with others.
While I’ve found that connecting with others does help for some types of trauma, for others, it can be counterproductive. It can overwhelm, dissociate, and shut down the mind and body. It can stress an already burdened nervous system with fears, doubts, and unwanted social obligations.
Sometimes, we need to burrow away in a cozy, quiet hole with warm blankets and a hot cup of tea, watching the world go by.
Sometimes, we need people-free spaces that allow us to hear our own authentic inner needs, rather than the incessant noise pollution of daily life.
Sometimes that’s the most powerful form of soul work available to us.
As a highly sensitive introvert, I often find that the most healing and grounding moments I experience occur in total solitude, often in nature. These times of silent contemplation give me the breathing space to think, dream, and recharge my life force energy.
Perhaps most importantly, they allow me to get back in touch with my Soul, my deeper, authentic Self that feels connected with the whole glittering web of life.
Shadow & Light Membership:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "Receiving these messages is a beacon of light and hope for me in currently very challenging times. The words of wisdom speak right to my soul, guiding and encouraging me further on my path. I highly recommend Shadow & Light to everyone who seeks to develop and cultivate a relationship with the Inner Self." – Karin
Truthfully, being in noise and engaging with others often doesn’t allow me to do that. It has the effect of filling me with words, ideas, and ego-based interactions, all of which deplete rather than nourish my spirit.
To find that sacred space, I often find that I need to be emptied more than filled. That’s why solitude can be so healing.
Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung once echoed these feelings, writing in a letter to an old acquaintance,
Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.
Don’t you love his use of “torment”?! It seems a little… strong. But let’s face it, talking and engaging with others can feel like torture, especially when you lack the physical, mental, or emotional bandwidth.
So this is just a short and sweet message to let you know that you’re not “doing healing wrong” if it has been mostly a solitary journey so far.
No one gets to tell you how your healing journey “should” look or what you “need” to be doing. Follow your instincts. If that’s to get a therapist, get one. If that’s to spend most of your time on quiet walks in the woods or curled up alone watching fluffy cat videos, do that. Your body and Soul know better than a book or YouTube video.
In the words of the poet Dodinsky,
In solitude is healing. Speak to your soul. Listen to your heart. Sometimes in the absence of noise, we find the answers.
Tell me, what unexpected practice has been the most healing for you so far – something not often discussed or validated? I’d love to hear in the comments!
Whenever you feel the call, there are 3 ways I can help you:
1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Need "big picture" direction, clarity, and focus? Our Spiritual Wanderer course is a crystallization of 10+ years of inner work, and it can help you find your deeper path and purpose in life as a spiritual wanderer. You get 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, a premium test, and more!.
2. Shadow & Light Membership: Want weekly intuitive guidance to support you on your awakening path? This affordable membership can help you to befriend your dark side, rediscover more self-love, and reclaim inner wholeness.
3. The Alchemical Soul Work Workbook: This powerful psychospiritual tool helps you turn inner blockages into breakthroughs using the ancient wisdom of spiritual alchemy. Through guided prompts and deep self-reflection, you’ll gain clarity, dissolve emotional pain, and reconnect with your Soul’s wisdom. Transform confusion into clarity. Live a more authentic, ensouled life.
I appreciate this, I think I’ve hit a period of my life where I’m really comfortable with being alone and my previous attempts at being social (in the hope that I may find something profound in it) have not really given me much. Especially when trying to seek “community.” I’ve only really ever had profound insight or great moments of life – and healing – when alone. I used to think I was just lying to myself about how I didn’t need to be social because it felt that, growing up, I didn’t have much choice than to be alone. But having spent a lot of effort trying to be social and chase what I thought I missed, I enter my 30s thinking that I am just fine with being more alone than many. It actually took me a lot of work to learn that it’s ok to be this way, and through it I have found a very small handful of people who i love and cherish, and who appreciate me in kind. I don’t need much more :) Maybe I’ll find that elusive community one day, maybe I won’t, but I think i’ll be ok.
“Maybe I’ll find that elusive community one day, maybe I won’t, but I think i’ll be ok.” – I love the quiet self-trust you show here, Lalo. Thank you for sharing this <3
Thank you for this perspective. I have needed so much time to myself over the last decade. It wasn’t all chosen so much at first it was really really uncomfortable. I think a lot of purging was and still is taking place so that I can get to the real. I know now it was what was necessary but I didn’t understand this so much in the moments. I’m grateful to my soul for knowing what I needed. I like the quiet so that I can hear my own voice. I’ve spent so much time in my life abandoning myself. Plus I think pple talk too much. Too much talking hardly any listening. I’m 56 and feeling I’ve just begun to really understand myself. It’s really important to me. And I’ve always sought this. But not without a lot trying on different masks. Trying hard to assimilate to the worldly values. In my heart none of it resonated for me. I’m at a point now where I now have a wonderful opportunity to add to my life what I want in it. Do the things that really resonate for me which is an expression of my heart. I have no space willingness or patience for anything but.
Im grateful for your work. I always appreciate the depth thoughtfulness and spirit filled guidance and support. Peace and love to all of you ❤️🩹
Life is so paradoxical, especially with statements like “silence speaks louder than words.” I hope the silence opens worlds of insight and peace for you, Christine. Thanks for being here 💜
Hi to both of you! ❤️❤️
I am a lonely wolf too!
I find talking to be unnecessary unless we have something important to say, therefore I know that putting your soul on a plate in front of others, hoping to be healed it’s the biggest mistake!
Why? Simply…because no one knows what’s really in your heart, mind and soul but you! Supposing that you are already an awakened person, how could an asleep one help you heal? No way!!! Healing in my opinion is between you and God almighty. Because you are in Him and Him is in you, ONLY Him can really understand what’s going on with you. Name it God, Universe, Great Spirit…
Since I was a child, I was left alone in my room for hours so I had time to be with myself and had time to reflect upon life. At 9 yrs I was imagining the Micro and Macro Cosmos, without reading any books in this regard. I am 64 now and my way to recovery was always in the silence of my room, with no other human interference.
I enjoy my presence and I don’t feel the need to engage with others for a cheap bla, bla talk.
Thank you for all your work, looking forward to reading your next postings.
Much love from a lone wolf to another! 💜💜 Diana
I appreciate you sharing this, Diana. Much love to you too <3
These days it all seems to be about community, yes, to the point that it’s very easy to think that something’s wrong with you when the last thing you wish to do when you don’t feel well is to engage with others, especially with others who are going through similar issues as you. When I feel let’s say anxious, the worst I could do is be around anxious people. I often wonder why this insistance on suggesting that that’s healing… I rather tend to think on how a blind person cannot guide another blind person, so if I wish to transform my anxious state, why would I surround myself with anxious people??? Recipe for disaster!!
I also think that these online communities that are so in vogue nowadays have little to do with real community, although they may work for some people, or on some level (one thing I’m realizing deeply through the study of astrology is how different we all are, and the multiplicity of paths we may take for getting the same needs met).
I believe that the widespread dissolution of communities is a very complex issue, and it can’t be fixed with these substitutes. Community and trust take time and continuity, and I think there needs to be a broader context that supports them, if they are to endure (I mean a context beyond the fact that we have anxiety, we want to get fit or we wish to teach our dog to give the paw -there are communities for everything these days…!!).
Thank you for your article, it feels validating 💚
The erosion of true community is so multi-faceted – something I hope to explore more in the future. Thank you for sharing these thoughts, Teresa. :)
hi, wish you peace and joy. Mine is not an unexpected way. Being in nature is the most healing way I suppose. Just sitting in nature, being thankful for being a wonderful part of a wonderful whole – mother earth and more- is both healing and transforming. Sometimes just being there is easier than being among people.
Nature = the ultimate healer!
‘Glad to hear/see a viewpoint few dare to make.
Thanks David ;)
I’m one of those people that heal in solitude!
Glad to hear that Carole!
I resonate with Jung’s use of the word ‘torment’. My dogs are my solace… peace is laying my hand on their side, closing my eyes and breathing together 🐺✨
Silence and solitude. In my mid-teens, I did not talk. Now, as a 71 y.o., I find myself overexplaining and over-sharing. Need to find a path to the middle ground between being mute and having no voice, and babbling in hopes of being heard.
Often the pendulum swings in the opposite direction before it finds that center point, if you get what I mean. Thanks for being here, Merry. :)
Besides solitude, mindfulness and crying have been the most helpful this year. Mindfulness, is difficult because I tend to overthink too much. Crying because I was never allowed to cry. Healing my inner child and being able to feel everything I’ve finally broken the conditioning of crying being weakness. It feels good to be able to cry and I need solitude for that. Not because I’m ashamed but because the response from others is don’t crying and I don’t want to get into why it’s not a bad thing and how not doing it was a disservice to myself.
This is my first time reaching out here, as I never post comments for the feeling of that futility of words. Yet, the email that brought me to this article felt like a meaningful coincidence, if not a synchronicity with my current journey of healing alone, after international family break up where my child is in a different county, abusive mother trauma boiling into excommunication, 5 months in of cutting off vices like daily weed use and weekly porn use, I’ve never felt so alone. And I’m registered homeless, awaiting housing assistance. I say this not for pity, but to convey that the externals and internals have convened, into what is a long, lonely, Dark Night of the Soul, in a year of revelations and facing demons. I’ve stripped everything away, and am a raw, salted wound. I’m finding much help in Loner Wolf articles and comments. As a writer, I loved to be alone, my entire life, yet realised this year, that was always with distraction. Now, I’m alone, and trying to be with myself on good terms, not just pressure systems of deserving or proving, my anxious, critical mind (the mother voice) is rampant as to my attempts at deciding my life style. I’m lost in minute by minute battles with the inner critic, whilst I’m aware of attempts to surrender ego, self, situations, to the eternal energies, and sit still, awaiting Samadhi. It’s the most painful process ever and I’m having no peace alone, yet don’t want to see other people. So reading this was a massive boost to understand, others are looking to Jung as they sit still and feel the pain. I pray for that peace in solitude where the mind is quiet and my qi flows without blockage.
I pray for that too for you, Aaron, that you find peace in solitude, a quiet mind, and solid housing (not just words, I actually did send out a prayer – may you walk this journey with courage). While I know it’s tough to internalize now, in the future when you look back on this period, you’ll realize that it was the fire that forged you. You’ve been burned to ashes, now you are the phoenix that is beginning to rise anew. It’s a painful and raw process, but trust in your soul’s strength to get you through.
Crying is so cathartic, thank you for this unique share, Yesenia. I still struggle to let it all out fully – I think it’s related to childhood conditioning (as many issues often are). But your suggestion makes me think that deliberately watching a sad movie or listening to a sad song might be the solution. To just let yourself cry without explanation or feeling like there’s something wrong with you. Thank you <3