There’s so much content out there about how healing can only happen in community. How we must co-regulate with others to truly heal. How trauma is best fixed by safe relationships.
While this may have some level of truth, I’m here to affirm that healing doesn’t always have to involve other people.
It’s okay if your healing journey is a solitary one.
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Firstly, not all of us:
- Have access to safe and supportive people,
- Want to even be around people (wave to the lone wolves out there!),
- Find that choosing solitude is way more healing than talking with others.
While I’ve found that connecting with others does help for some types of trauma, for others, it can be counterproductive. It can overwhelm, dissociate, and shut down the mind and body. It can stress an already burdened nervous system with fears, doubts, and unwanted social obligations.
Sometimes, we need to burrow away in a cozy, quiet hole with warm blankets and a hot cup of tea, watching the world go by.
Sometimes, we need people-free spaces that allow us to hear our own authentic inner needs, rather than the incessant noise pollution of daily life.
Sometimes that’s the most powerful form of soul work available to us.
As a highly sensitive introvert, I often find that the most healing and grounding moments I experience occur in total solitude, often in nature. These times of silent contemplation give me the breathing space to think, dream, and recharge my life force energy.
Perhaps most importantly, they allow me to get back in touch with my Soul, my deeper, authentic Self that feels connected with the whole glittering web of life.
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Truthfully, being in noise and engaging with others often doesn’t allow me to do that. It has the effect of filling me with words, ideas, and ego-based interactions, all of which deplete rather than nourish my spirit.
To find that sacred space, I often find that I need to be emptied more than filled. That’s why solitude can be so healing.
Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung once echoed these feelings, writing in a letter to an old acquaintance,
Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.
Don’t you love his use of “torment”?! It seems a little… strong. But let’s face it, talking and engaging with others can feel like torture, especially when you lack the physical, mental, or emotional bandwidth.
So this is just a short and sweet message to let you know that you’re not “doing healing wrong” if it has been mostly a solitary journey so far.
No one gets to tell you how your healing journey “should” look or what you “need” to be doing. Follow your instincts. If that’s to get a therapist, get one. If that’s to spend most of your time on quiet walks in the woods or curled up alone watching fluffy cat videos, do that. Your body and Soul know better than a book or YouTube video.
In the words of the poet Dodinsky,
In solitude is healing. Speak to your soul. Listen to your heart. Sometimes in the absence of noise, we find the answers.
Tell me, what unexpected practice has been the most healing for you so far – something not often discussed or validated? I’d love to hear in the comments!
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate you and I agree 💞
Thank you Marcia. Much love <3
Ya lo dijo el músico Charly García: “No puedes ser feliz con tanta gente hablando a tu alrededor”. Gracias por el artículo.
Gracias, Romelio :)
Luna– your descriptions about healing alone, solitude, nature, being a very sensitive introvert and the torment of talking are the perfect characterizations of who I am. I have read Susan Cain’s book “Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” I often re-read sections of the book when I need to strengthen my being an Introvert and a Lone Healer. And of course, strengthen my being a Lone Wolf following my own path in life and not being swayed by social norms and demands. Thank you so much for the support you have given me in maintaining my sanity in a world that has gone completely insane. I truly love your perspective on life.
I truly appreciate you sharing these affirming words, Donald. It is an honor to walk beside you (at a distance!) on this lone wolf path 💜
This post felt like a warm cozy blanket wrapped around me. Thank you for expressing what my soul feels everyday. The need for constant talking and stimulation from others is so draining and I’m tired of it feeling like it’s a problem (it’s not). Sending my love to all the solitude loving lone wolves out there 🤍
“This post felt like a warm cozy blanket wrapped around me. Thank you for expressing what my soul feels everyday.” – This is so beautiful, Magdalena. Thank you for taking the time to share this, it means the world. I’m glad that I am not the only one who feels this way 🤗
I recently lost my mum and have been trying to come to terms with my grief. I have been feeling that I sent to be myself a lot of the time do having read about solitary healing has reassured me that I’m on the right spiritual path. Thanks for giving me inspiration
Take good care, Lorette 💗
I am that solitude person healing person. My mind is noisy enough without outside interference. Being a sensitive empath between all the different feels im not sure sometimes belong to me or someone else or the thoughts, noises, whispers are of my own thinking or someone else’s I truly despise being around more than 3 people at a time. Even 3 is too much some days. Solitude is my chance to sort out, compartmentalize, and attempt to separate all the entanglement of the day, week, month, year, whatever it is I need. Or to just enjoy the silence if even for a moment. It so much easier to block out things without the outside noise interference. I try to take 30 minutes before bed every day, and every morning before my feet hit the floor. To clear everything. 1x a month I “shut in and shut down” for the entire weekend. Over holidays. I set up a schedule. 1.5 hours at each of my children’s homes (I have 2 daughters – they don’t get along). 1 has 3 children the other has none. I see my grandchildren 1st, then my other daughter and son in law. Then I shut in and shut down the rest of the day. It works for me. Otherwise I’m miserable and so is everyone else.
I’m so glad you know your limits, LaVonne. Being empathic, that is a crucial skill to develop. It preserves our sanity!
I started appreciating being with nature more and more about 4 years ago, of course mostly by myself. Connecting with trees and exchanging energy is real and healing.
Around that same time, I started feeling more comfortable around animals (pets) instead of tensing up with fear. Now, they seem to know that I am not a threat. Even if they are barking at me, etc. I still love them the whole time.
So glad to be in this community and also a Loner Wolf. I now realize it is possible for both to be true at the same time. ❤️
I love trees too, particularly old ones. Where I live, there are sheoak trees which emanate a whistling sound when the wind goes through them, it’s haunting but beautiful. Thank you for being here, Triple333 :)
After years of therapists and doctors talking about the need for human connections and only finding torment mostly in those connections, I finally took the step to ignore their advice and choose my own path of self-care. In a remote location high in the mountains that is home to me I find peace and comfort with nature and wildlife. My occasional trips into town to get a coffee and chat briefly with a barrista are sufficient human company for me.
I’m glad you listened to your soul’s unique needs, Nic. Thanks for sharing this!