Stop Trying to Be “Normal.” It’s Costing You Your Soul.

Many years ago, I was in a dark place, so, as one does, I decided to try therapy. 

At the time, I was dealing with extreme anxiety and existential dread.

For context: I was planning on starting a family, but the thought scared the shit out of me. I would literally wake up at night and enter spirals of terror. 

This inner calling just wouldn’t go away, despite the intense fear, so I decided to seek out traditional therapy.

I was also learning how to drive at the time, something I had put off for ages due to my particular blend of neurodivergent sensitivity. (And while I know the basics of driving, I still choose not to, because the sensory input is too much.)

All of these issues, combined with my lone wolf nature, made me feel weird. “Not normal.” And so that was reflected back to me in therapy.

Don’t get me wrong. Therapy is great for many things. But some of its traditional teachings are based on the premise of trying to get you to adjust and fit into society. 

This is somewhat cynically affirmed by Sigmund Freud himself, the father of psychoanalysis, who once wrote,

Talk therapy turns hysterical misery to mundane unhappiness.

Mundane unhappiness, eh? Well … that doesn’t set the ceiling very high, does it?! 

But, nevertheless, it’s true. 

I started to notice that not only did old school therapy* itself seem to reinforce this idea that you need to be “normal and well-adjusted to society” to heal and be successful, but so does every form of media we consume on a daily basis – and almost everyone we’re surrounded by in daily life on a subliminal level.

All these external inputs reinforce the message that “you need to be normal and fit in” to be worthy.

(* Please note that I’m talking about old school talk therapy here. There are newer forms of therapy emerging that are more validating, such as transpersonal, somatic, and trauma-based modalities. If you’re in need of serious help, please still seek out therapeutic help. My experience and opinions are my own. Help from a professional is always better than no help, so keep that in mind while reading this article.)

Here’s Why Trying to Be “Normal” is Costing Your Soul

Some of the greatest souls in history were outsiders, lone wolves, free thinkers, or artistic weirdos who didn’t quite “fit” in.

I think of people like Emily Dickinson, Nikola Tesla, Carl Jung, Frida Kahlo, and Buckminster Fuller – and that’s only scratching the surface.

Trying to be “normal” costs you your soul because it:

1. Dims your inner light
2. Cuts you off from your wild instincts
3. Disconnects you from your innermost gifts
4. Suffocates, distorts, and twists you into a tiny box that steals your self-sovereignty
5. Causes you to forget who you truly are beneath the mask you automatically and unconsciously adopt, making it hard to find the “authentic” you in the first place.

Feeling empty, stuck, lost, and disconnected are all signs that you may be under the “normal” spell and have separated from your true self.

Indeed, in the words of philosopher and spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti,

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

How to Reconnect With Your Authentic Self? What I’ve Learned … 

Here’s the truth that I see reflected in not only my own experience, but the aforementioned great souls of history:

You don’t need to fit in. You just need to discover your truth.

By “your truth,” I mean:

• What you deeply value and need on a core level
• What your ‘sacred wound’ is (aka, the transformed pain that you offer as a gift to the world)
• What you are passionate about are deeply drawn to 

When I was creating the Soul Work Compass, I kept these elements in mind. 

The goal is to help you systematically discover your wound, your truth, your lantern, your commitment, and your purpose – all summarized in a golden document for you to reference daily for the rest of your life. 

Without being anchored in our Soul’s truths, it’s so easy to get fooled into thinking “I have to try and fit in” or unconsciously try to “belong to the crowd.” 

And don’t think you’re above or beyond this type of behavior either. We absorb it subconsciously each and every day – it’s all around us 24/7, 365 days a year – so it can and often does have an impact, whether we know it or not.

Four Recommendations

As such, reconnecting with your truth ultimately means:

1. Discovering your Soul’s ‘origin story,’ aka, core wound, and the toxic core beliefs that keep you stuck in needing to “be normal.”
2. Finding your core needs and values to ground and orient your life (see: the SWCC)
3. Doing the inner work of self-love, inner child work, and shadow work to cut cords with old thinking patterns and heal unresolved wounds.
4. Having daily reflective practice like meditation or journaling that allows you to meet yourself honestly

If you’re new to this path, I would start with a daily reflective practice. If you’ve been on this path for a few years, then I’d move to discovering your origin story, core beliefs, core needs, and core values because they’re foundational forms of self-knowledge.

After that, I’d do more intensive and focused inner work, starting with cultivating self-love. 

Embrace Your Weirdness – It is Your Road to Freedom and Fulfillment

That personality flaw you’re embarrassed about … what if you need it to find your deeper purpose?

That weird thing about you that you try to keep hidden … what if it’s your sacred gift in disguise?

So long as you’re not harming others, embracing your weirdness and being okay with “not being normal” is not just liberating, it’s also about reclaiming your power. It’s about walking your own true Soul’s path.

Everyone and everything – even respected institutions like psychology – try to strip away these quirks and smooth them out to make you more palatable.

But the world doesn’t need more blind conformity, sanitized sameness, or empty homogeneity. We need independence within interdependence. We need the whole shimmering spectrum of color.

In the words of poet Ralph Waldo Emerson,

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

So keep being yourself.

If this article helped you or resonated in any way, please let me know in the comments. Writing about these topics can be uncomfortable and challenging at times, so it’s always good to know if I’ve hit a chord (and whether I should keep writing on these types of themes). Thanks for being here and reading, kindred soul.