There’s so much content out there about how healing can only happen in community. How we must co-regulate with others to truly heal. How trauma is best fixed by safe relationships.
While this may have some level of truth, I’m here to affirm that healing doesn’t always have to involve other people.
It’s okay if your healing journey is a solitary one.
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Firstly, not all of us:
- Have access to safe and supportive people,
- Want to even be around people (wave to the lone wolves out there!),
- Find that choosing solitude is way more healing than talking with others.
While I’ve found that connecting with others does help for some types of trauma, for others, it can be counterproductive. It can overwhelm, dissociate, and shut down the mind and body. It can stress an already burdened nervous system with fears, doubts, and unwanted social obligations.
Sometimes, we need to burrow away in a cozy, quiet hole with warm blankets and a hot cup of tea, watching the world go by.
Sometimes, we need people-free spaces that allow us to hear our own authentic inner needs, rather than the incessant noise pollution of daily life.
Sometimes that’s the most powerful form of soul work available to us.
As a highly sensitive introvert, I often find that the most healing and grounding moments I experience occur in total solitude, often in nature. These times of silent contemplation give me the breathing space to think, dream, and recharge my life force energy.
Perhaps most importantly, they allow me to get back in touch with my Soul, my deeper, authentic Self that feels connected with the whole glittering web of life.
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Truthfully, being in noise and engaging with others often doesn’t allow me to do that. It has the effect of filling me with words, ideas, and ego-based interactions, all of which deplete rather than nourish my spirit.
To find that sacred space, I often find that I need to be emptied more than filled. That’s why solitude can be so healing.
Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung once echoed these feelings, writing in a letter to an old acquaintance,
Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.
Don’t you love his use of “torment”?! It seems a little… strong. But let’s face it, talking and engaging with others can feel like torture, especially when you lack the physical, mental, or emotional bandwidth.
So this is just a short and sweet message to let you know that you’re not “doing healing wrong” if it has been mostly a solitary journey so far.
No one gets to tell you how your healing journey “should” look or what you “need” to be doing. Follow your instincts. If that’s to get a therapist, get one. If that’s to spend most of your time on quiet walks in the woods or curled up alone watching fluffy cat videos, do that. Your body and Soul know better than a book or YouTube video.
In the words of the poet Dodinsky,
In solitude is healing. Speak to your soul. Listen to your heart. Sometimes in the absence of noise, we find the answers.
Tell me, what unexpected practice has been the most healing for you so far – something not often discussed or validated? I’d love to hear in the comments!
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I personally don’t know how I would heal my wounds if it weren’t for myself. In a world where being alone is considered wrong, it took me a long time to realize that, in fact, my best company was myself. Yes, I’m not saying that we should isolate ourselves and be selfish, that’s not it, but we often seek in others what we already have within ourselves. Contemporary life brings countless possibilities, but also a lot of massification and standardization. And when we don’t know ourselves, we can get lost in chaotic and stressful situations that can distance us from ourselves. Yes, we should relate to others, but we also need time to reconnect with ourselves and question our choices and whether they are aligned with our true selves.
Absolutely. It’s a both/and situation rather than an either/or. I appreciate your balanced and insightful response, Hans. :)
Yes , now it seems that Solitude is much needed. Walking in quiet surroundings and then later at home in my recliner with some Chai Tea, listening to Native American flute music. Many times I will drift off and have some Astral Journeys , but will return to the peace of my Solitude.
Thank you , Aletheia , we Highly Sensitive Introverts appreciate your acknowledging that we may be in self imposed Solitude , BUT we are not alone.🙏🤗🤗☀️🦉
Ahh, love me some chai tea and nature walks. I haven’t thought about relaxing with this kind of music, though. Brilliant idea! Thanks for being here, Harry :)
The “socials”, as far as I am participating in those (Pinterest only) make you indeed feel as if the solo healing journey is not the way to go. I have been “speaking” my voice digitaly about this, but got a lot of …. non positive feedback in return lets say. I have been reading mother hunger last summer, as I felt drawn to this book since we discussed the book last mother’s day. This book teached me, amongst a lot of other things, that if the main caregiver is the one who is making the environment non safe, your nervous system will learn exactly that. That people and interactions are not safe. If I understand correct, that will make your nervous system switch to fight flight when people are around.
Translating that to my own life… I can feel that happening, leaving my house and i am feeling on edge. When i come home i am drained. I am never able to fully relax, do the deep thinking, listen to my body/gut feeling or ‘go where my intrest is taking me’ or process thoughts and or experiences when people are around. Even if that is in my own “safe-space” as my appartment. It is draining. And its worrying at the same time. I dont want to stay alone my whole life. I am glad someone with a name like Jung is mentioning solo time to recover. Makes you feel less alone in the experience. With the help of the book i understand now, why i feel so much better since i could embrace the solo journey. For a long time, and especially due to regular mental healthcare, I felt as something was wrong with me. What i don’t understand just yet, is we’re the whole community living would fit in with these new insights. The researched evidence discussed in attached by Amir Levine is crystal clear. We need people around to survive. Not only mentally/emotionally but also physically. It should lower stress responses, heart rates, better hormones production which has a positive impact on gut and immune and all the other good stuff.
Is it really true though? Or is it just another way to spread anxiety and condiotion people so they can be easily manipulated in a certain mold, or box if you will. If the divine is within all of us, as Jesus said.(and by that I don’t mean the twisted Bible version) Do we really need that whole community?? Everything we need is within.
Thank you for sharing this, Evelien. It sucks that your nervous system feels so out of whack around others, but I can totally understand why. I have felt this way too in the past, and it was due to a lot of frozen somaticized trauma.
What you share reminds me of some thoughts I’ve been having recently. It is ironic that even the notion of “the loneliness epidemic” can be a shaming idea for some. It can make us feel as though we are part of the problem if we are alone. It can intensify feelings of loneliness. I hope to write about this in the future.
Anyway, I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. And I wish you all the peace and healing in the world, in the way that suits you. 💜💜
In terms of healing in solitude, my motorcycle is my go-to. Zen, totally in the moment, free.
Love this! The wild rebel :)
Thank you for this weeks thoughts. I too have discovered I am a lone wolf. Recovering and walking the walk after losing my husband this year have felt claustrophobic with friends and family constantly checking on me. Feeling guilty because I have to remain calm and very greatful they care enough to check on me.
I love my time alone while I try to make sense of the past year of my life. Thank you for your comforting words…It’s ok to have alone time!
Sorry for your loss, Cynthia. 💕 And yes, healing alone is normal and necessary. I can understand the feelings of claustrophobia despite the well intentioned nature of your friends and family.
YES! I so resonate with this blog!! Also a highly sensitive introvert (I am an INFJ), I become exhausted by too much interaction and conversation and just yearn for the calming quiet of solitude in my own space with my cat, plants, crystals, tea and comforting rituals (gratitude journal writing, yoga, meditation and listening to chakra healing frequencies). Also being in Nature is a huge source of therapy for me.
Thank you so much for this. So many of us needed to see it in order to feel validated. :)
Thank you Erin 💜 I love your solitary rituals!
The most unexpected healing ritual I’ve found to be, is music by Keith Urban. Mostly his earlier work. His high pitched guitar solos have been very healing for me. Later, music by Darius Rucker, too. Both have great love songs and both make me want to get up and dance.
Brilliant! Thank you for sharing this 😄
Thank you so much for this wisdom.
Yes, yes and yes!
Thanks Anne 💜
Totally agree. ❤️ Thanks for writing this!
Thanks for being here Laura!
Wow, this post resonates SO MUCH with me. Sometimes feel perhaps i am not “normal” to seek such solitude and find so much peace with it. I especially liked what you wrote here,
“Truthfully, being in noise and engaging with others often doesn’t allow me to do that. It has the effect of filling me with words, ideas, and ego-based interactions, all of which deplete rather than nourish my spirit.
To find that sacred space, I often find that I need to be emptied more than filled. That’s why solitude can be so healing.”
Thank you Aletheia!
I’m so glad you can relate, Elizabeth 😊