Memento Mori: 3 Ways to Use Death As a Life Compass 

There is so much clutter and noise out there about ‘living your best life’ and what exactly that looks like.

Take a casual stroll through any form of social media or even the humble local library, and you’ll be met with a tsunami of information, opinions, and perspectives.

And this abundance of insight is great. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for diversity of thought and belief. It makes the world spicy. 

But if you’re exhausted, like me, and yet you want answers, clarity, focus, and true direction for your life, I have one recommendation, and one only:

Death.

Death is the most brutal and effective life coach.

Death is the only teacher with a 100% success rate.

Today, I want to remind you of the ancient philosophy of memento mori – Latin for, remember you will die.

Sure, this practice of remembering that you will die may seem a little morbid, even depressing. But it’s only dark if you’re missing the point.

Warning: If you suffer from depression or any form of mental health condition that causes suicidal ideation, this won’t be the best article for you. To avoid being triggered, I recommend this article on Self-Compassion: 9 Ways to Heal Your Deepest Wounds which will be way more beneficial.

The Power of the Memento Mori Method

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. ― Bronnie Ware

Some of the meatiest topics I’ve explored a lot on this website have been the existential crisis, dark night of the soul, and spiritual awakening journey.

It’s true that these experiences shake us out of the dreamlike stupor of everyday consciousness – they help us to practice intentional living by deconstructing our reality and asking us to focus on what actually matters.

But the problem is that these pivotal experiences in our lives are often totally spontaneous and, therefore, uncontrollable.

You can’t depend on your next awakening experience, mystical insight, or existential crisis to help you find your authentic values, make wise decisions, and walk your soul’s path.

What you can depend on, however, is the practice of memento mori used most commonly by the Stoics – a school of philosophy that dates back to Ancient Greece and Rome in 300 BCE.

Memento mori, the Latin phrase for remember you will die, was used by the Stoics to contemplate the ephemeral nature of life, meditate on the nature of one’s mortality, and learn how to find eudaimonia: a well-lived life.

In the words of Stoic philosopher and emperor Marcus Aurelius,

Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly. 

Sorry, You’re Going to Die: The Biggest Life Lessons from Your Inevitable End

I’ve always been somewhat of a Stoic. 

When I was in high school, at the ripe old age of 15, I remember screenprinting the following words from my favorite passage in the Bible at the time, Ecclesiastes 1:2, in black onto a white shirt:

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!

The words were complemented by a hand-drawn screen printed depiction of a baby evolving into an adult into an old person and, finally, a decrepit decaying skeleton.

If that doesn’t tell you what kind of teenager I was, I don’t know what will.

To this day, I’m still fascinated by the topic of mortality.

Just last night, after watching an episode of Dexter: Original Sin (another show that deals with death), I made the throwaway comment, “Isn’t it weird that one day we’ll die and never ever live to see any of this again” … which, in hindsight, was kind of a mood killer. But you get the picture.

Contemplating death may be a bummer, but it’s the most direct way of discovering what is actually worth doing, pursuing, valuing, letting go of, and creating in life.

In short, death is the most brutal and effective life compass.

Memento Mori: 3 Ways to Use Death As a Life Compass

Keep death and exile before your eyes each day, along with everything that seems terrible— by doing so, you’ll never have a base thought nor will you have excessive desire. – Epictetus 

Most self-help and spiritual direction advice out there focuses on looking forward: setting goals, identifying core values, decluttering, limiting distractions, and so on. All of this is great.

But I’ve found that looking backward not only simplifies the practice of living intentionally but actually makes many of the forward-looking approaches irrelevant or unnecessary. 

When you deeply reflect on the fact that you will die one day, the reality is that many beliefs, mindsets, and approaches – even seemingly healthy ones – automatically fade away.

What is left is the shining, simple core truth of what you need to do now and who you need to be in this life to feel genuinely fulfilled and actualized.

In truth, a combination of forward-looking and backward-looking may be the best approach. But if I were to pick one, I’d go the direct path of meeting death and gazing back on my life.

If you’re struggling with questions like:

• What should I do with my life?
• I’ve had a spiritual awakening, now what …?
• How do I find more meaning and purpose?
• I don’t know whether to choose option A or B?
• What path should I take?

… or any other question where you find yourself at a crossroads and need a life compass, try any one of the following memento mori practices:

1. Deathbed Visualization

Time: 10-20 minutes

Preparation: a dark quiet room, undisturbed free time, an eye mask

Optional: funereal music

Notes: if you suffer from an anxiety disorder or feel triggered in any way by closing your eyes and focusing on your death, please try one of the other approaches listed after this practice

How to start:

The premise here is simple. Visualize yourself on your deathbed.

For simplicity’s sake, imagine that you’re in your 90s and you’re on death’s door. Look at your hands and see how wrinkly they are. Notice that you’re hooked up to a ventilator, or if you prefer a homely setting, notice that the curtains are drawn and it’s dusk. The sun is setting, and so is your life.

Now is your chance to reflect back on your existence and ask yourself any one (or all) of the following questions:

• What was I grateful to have done?
• Who was I thankful to have spent time with?
• What did I regret doing or not doing?
• What impact am I glad to have made on this planet?

You might like to write down any one of these questions in a notebook and keep it by your side so that you can do some journaling afterward.

As a bonus source of inspiration, Ramana Maharshi, one of the rare, deeply enlightened figures in history, experienced spiritual illumination after doing this practice and visualizing himself on his deathbed. 

While I’m not promising that enlightenment will happen here, you can take this practice in any direction you like and gain something profound.

2. Journal With Your Dying Self

Time: 10 minutes to 1 hour

Preparation: privacy and solitude, a pen/physical journal or a notes app on your phone

Optional: light a candle, play some ethereal music in the background

How to start:

I’m sure you’ve seen journaling prompts where you write a letter to your past self. But what about writing to your future dying self? 

I get it. This is not very marketable or appealing to the masses because, let’s face it, it’s kind of macabre. But it doesn’t have to be.

Some of the deepest, most beautiful, transcendental, and illuminating awakenings have been experienced by those who are dying or who have had near-death experiences.

To start, calm your mind and body through a simple practice like breathwork or meditation. Light a candle or create a relaxing atmosphere to alert your unconscious mind that you’re about to dive deep.

Then, to begin journaling with your dying self, get up a document on your phone or fetch your journal. Start off by writing, “Dear dying self …”

Follow up by asking whatever pressing question is on your mind right now (e.g., “What do you have to say about my decision to move house?”), or ask any one of the questions I wrote above in practice one.

Let the conversation move in an organic and spontaneous way, and let go as completely as you can when writing in the voice of your dying self. Don’t overthink. Don’t edit. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling. Just write freely. 

This practice can take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or more. Give yourself over to the process and see what wisdom comes to you.

3. Pathworking: Journey to Meet Death

Time: 10-30 minutes

Preparation: a picture representing death, privacy and solitude, a pen/physical journal or a notes app on your phone

Optional: light a candle, play some haunting music in the background

How to start:

Here, I define pathworking as the practice of going on a visualization-meditation journey by ‘stepping into’ an image and speaking with the people or beings within that image – in this case, Death itself.

Psychoanalyst Carl Jung called this ‘active imagination’ whereby you go on a journey of speaking with and learning from imagined characters to gain self-insight.

To begin, choose an image of Death that speaks to you. You might choose the Death tarot card, for instance, or a painting like Death and the Maiden by Marianne Stokes – or even simply an image of the Grim Reaper.

Follow the same calming practice as described above in practice two (calm mind and body, get grounded, light a candle), and then gaze softly at the image in front of you.

Imagine the borders of the image fading as you step into the scene. Look around. What do you see? What can you feel, sense, touch, taste, or smell? Engage your senses.

Then, turn to the figure of Death and greet him/her/it. Start a conversation in your mind, and focus on one big question or area of concern for you right now. Then, listen internally for a response or watch for a non-verbal reply.

Be sure to record what happened in a journal afterward so that you can reflect and integrate the experience.

***

Experiment with one of the practices above, and let me know how you go.

To end, I’ll leave you with a few quotes to contemplate:

Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day… – Seneca

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. – Norman Cousins

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. – Mark Twain

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? – Mary Oliver

May you find that death is the ultimate teacher and live your life to the fullest each and every day.