There is so much clutter and noise out there about ‘living your best life’ and what exactly that looks like.
Take a casual stroll through any form of social media or even the humble local library, and you’ll be met with a tsunami of information, opinions, and perspectives.
And this abundance of insight is great. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for diversity of thought and belief. It makes the world spicy.
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But if you’re exhausted, like me, and yet you want answers, clarity, focus, and true direction for your life, I have one recommendation, and one only:
Death.
Death is the most brutal and effective life coach.
Death is the only teacher with a 100% success rate.
Today, I want to remind you of the ancient philosophy of memento mori – Latin for, remember you will die.
Sure, this practice of remembering that you will die may seem a little morbid, even depressing. But it’s only dark if you’re missing the point.
Warning: If you suffer from depression or any form of mental health condition that causes suicidal ideation, this won’t be the best article for you. To avoid being triggered, I recommend this article on Self-Compassion: 9 Ways to Heal Your Deepest Wounds which will be way more beneficial.
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Table of contents
The Power of the Memento Mori Method
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. ― Bronnie Ware
Some of the meatiest topics I’ve explored a lot on this website have been the existential crisis, dark night of the soul, and spiritual awakening journey.
It’s true that these experiences shake us out of the dreamlike stupor of everyday consciousness – they help us to practice intentional living by deconstructing our reality and asking us to focus on what actually matters.
But the problem is that these pivotal experiences in our lives are often totally spontaneous and, therefore, uncontrollable.
You can’t depend on your next awakening experience, mystical insight, or existential crisis to help you find your authentic values, make wise decisions, and walk your soul’s path.
What you can depend on, however, is the practice of memento mori used most commonly by the Stoics – a school of philosophy that dates back to Ancient Greece and Rome in 300 BCE.
Memento mori, the Latin phrase for remember you will die, was used by the Stoics to contemplate the ephemeral nature of life, meditate on the nature of one’s mortality, and learn how to find eudaimonia: a well-lived life.
In the words of Stoic philosopher and emperor Marcus Aurelius,
Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly.
Sorry, You’re Going to Die: The Biggest Life Lessons from Your Inevitable End
I’ve always been somewhat of a Stoic.
When I was in high school, at the ripe old age of 15, I remember screenprinting the following words from my favorite passage in the Bible at the time, Ecclesiastes 1:2, in black onto a white shirt:
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity!
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The words were complemented by a hand-drawn screen printed depiction of a baby evolving into an adult into an old person and, finally, a decrepit decaying skeleton.
If that doesn’t tell you what kind of teenager I was, I don’t know what will.
To this day, I’m still fascinated by the topic of mortality.
Just last night, after watching an episode of Dexter: Original Sin (another show that deals with death), I made the throwaway comment, “Isn’t it weird that one day we’ll die and never ever live to see any of this again” … which, in hindsight, was kind of a mood killer. But you get the picture.
Contemplating death may be a bummer, but it’s the most direct way of discovering what is actually worth doing, pursuing, valuing, letting go of, and creating in life.
In short, death is the most brutal and effective life compass.
Memento Mori: 3 Ways to Use Death As a Life Compass
Keep death and exile before your eyes each day, along with everything that seems terrible— by doing so, you’ll never have a base thought nor will you have excessive desire. – Epictetus
Most self-help and spiritual direction advice out there focuses on looking forward: setting goals, identifying core values, decluttering, limiting distractions, and so on. All of this is great.
But I’ve found that looking backward not only simplifies the practice of living intentionally but actually makes many of the forward-looking approaches irrelevant or unnecessary.
When you deeply reflect on the fact that you will die one day, the reality is that many beliefs, mindsets, and approaches – even seemingly healthy ones – automatically fade away.
What is left is the shining, simple core truth of what you need to do now and who you need to be in this life to feel genuinely fulfilled and actualized.
In truth, a combination of forward-looking and backward-looking may be the best approach. But if I were to pick one, I’d go the direct path of meeting death and gazing back on my life.
If you’re struggling with questions like:
- What should I do with my life?
- I’ve had a spiritual awakening, now what …?
- How do I find more meaning and purpose?
- I don’t know whether to choose option A or B?
- What path should I take?
… or any other question where you find yourself at a crossroads and need a life compass, try any one of the following memento mori practices:
1. Deathbed Visualization
Time: 10-20 minutes
Preparation: a dark quiet room, undisturbed free time, an eye mask
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Optional: funereal music
Notes: if you suffer from an anxiety disorder or feel triggered in any way by closing your eyes and focusing on your death, please try one of the other approaches listed after this practice
How to start:
The premise here is simple. Visualize yourself on your deathbed.
For simplicity’s sake, imagine that you’re in your 90s and you’re on death’s door. Look at your hands and see how wrinkly they are. Notice that you’re hooked up to a ventilator, or if you prefer a homely setting, notice that the curtains are drawn and it’s dusk. The sun is setting, and so is your life.
Now is your chance to reflect back on your existence and ask yourself any one (or all) of the following questions:
- What was I grateful to have done?
- Who was I thankful to have spent time with?
- What did I regret doing or not doing?
- What impact am I glad to have made on this planet?
You might like to write down any one of these questions in a notebook and keep it by your side so that you can do some journaling afterward.
As a bonus source of inspiration, Ramana Maharshi, one of the rare, deeply enlightened figures in history, experienced spiritual illumination after doing this practice and visualizing himself on his deathbed.
While I’m not promising that enlightenment will happen here, you can take this practice in any direction you like and gain something profound.
2. Journal With Your Dying Self
Time: 10 minutes to 1 hour
Preparation: privacy and solitude, a pen/physical journal or a notes app on your phone
Optional: light a candle, play some ethereal music in the background
How to start:
I’m sure you’ve seen journaling prompts where you write a letter to your past self. But what about writing to your future dying self?
I get it. This is not very marketable or appealing to the masses because, let’s face it, it’s kind of macabre. But it doesn’t have to be.
Some of the deepest, most beautiful, transcendental, and illuminating awakenings have been experienced by those who are dying or who have had near-death experiences.
To start, calm your mind and body through a simple practice like breathwork or meditation. Light a candle or create a relaxing atmosphere to alert your unconscious mind that you’re about to dive deep.
Then, to begin journaling with your dying self, get up a document on your phone or fetch your journal. Start off by writing, “Dear dying self …”
Follow up by asking whatever pressing question is on your mind right now (e.g., “What do you have to say about my decision to move house?”), or ask any one of the questions I wrote above in practice one.
Let the conversation move in an organic and spontaneous way, and let go as completely as you can when writing in the voice of your dying self. Don’t overthink. Don’t edit. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling. Just write freely.
This practice can take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or more. Give yourself over to the process and see what wisdom comes to you.
3. Pathworking: Journey to Meet Death
Time: 10-30 minutes
Preparation: a picture representing death, privacy and solitude, a pen/physical journal or a notes app on your phone
Optional: light a candle, play some haunting music in the background
How to start:
Here, I define pathworking as the practice of going on a visualization-meditation journey by ‘stepping into’ an image and speaking with the people or beings within that image – in this case, Death itself.
Psychoanalyst Carl Jung called this ‘active imagination’ whereby you go on a journey of speaking with and learning from imagined characters to gain self-insight.
To begin, choose an image of Death that speaks to you. You might choose the Death tarot card, for instance, or a painting like Death and the Maiden by Marianne Stokes – or even simply an image of the Grim Reaper.
Follow the same calming practice as described above in practice two (calm mind and body, get grounded, light a candle), and then gaze softly at the image in front of you.
Imagine the borders of the image fading as you step into the scene. Look around. What do you see? What can you feel, sense, touch, taste, or smell? Engage your senses.
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$3Then, turn to the figure of Death and greet him/her/it. Start a conversation in your mind, and focus on one big question or area of concern for you right now. Then, listen internally for a response or watch for a non-verbal reply.
Be sure to record what happened in a journal afterward so that you can reflect and integrate the experience.
***
Experiment with one of the practices above, and let me know how you go.
To end, I’ll leave you with a few quotes to contemplate:
Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day… – Seneca
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. – Norman Cousins
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. – Mark Twain
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? – Mary Oliver
May you find that death is the ultimate teacher and live your life to the fullest each and every day.
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Thought provoking, how can death be a solace in this, sometimes, perveivedly sorrow and gloomy world.
I liked the article; this topic in specific is something that is central in my spiritual journey, Aletheia. The article reached me in a time of synchronisation, when the theme of death repeated itself in unrelated locations.
Death, as I reflect, was one of my severest spiritual mentors, as it is also a central part of the religion I chose, alongside with Truth, which is what I decided to deperately seek, in order to feel finally free from the suffering of all lies and vanities (and I felt impressed by the bible verse u chose and drawing u made btw). Delusions were and still are something that turns my life upside down if I am not present enough to keep them under close watch, they just destroy everything without me even noticing. They are easy to adopt, sweet at first, bitter at the end, and hard to get ride off just like grease on a piece of garment. One of the biggest delusions is the idea that the life we are living is the main priority, then death comes to remind us that it’s not the case, this life with all its pleasures and its losses will disappear in front of our senses. Death points to that Truth, so Truth is a destination, death is only a way to it, which does add more sense to a beautiful thing in Islam, one of the ’99 most-beautiful names of God’ is ‘Al- Haq’, the Truth or the true one, who never decays.
Does that mean that whoever looks for Truth is looking for God, in my religion? Most probably. Abraham, the famous biblical character and prophet, has been mentioned severally in the Quran; and was he a blind follower of faith? A follower of the crowd as many misconceive religions? No, he was a seeker of Truth, a rigorous question-asker, a hypothesizer of theology who was wrong several times about who is the real God until he finally knew.
Returning to the theme of death, it is a central aspect in Islam. I would like to talk about how we see it; it is a transition, not an end. We assume that there must be a herafter, and that this life is just a test-like phase, and the hereafter is eternal. Human beings are destined to live forever, with death being just a sleep phase. I mentioned this as a way to talk about its implications: In the end, our main focus is not only on the decaying nature of life, but on the eternal life that must be met sooner or later, in which, for some, the wrongdoers, remaining dead would be a very sweet option (hell), while for others, a path of unimaginable happinesss, joy and peace can be experienced (Paradise).
Well, here are some questions that I often ask:
Is there a solid truth in the belief of hell/paradise, or could it be just a tool to control humans? Some opinions go for this argument: Some want to control others by making them oblivious of their current life-suffering, promising them of Paradise. However, isn’t the existence of pain in this world enough of a proof of Paradise and Hell? There are those who have continously oppressed others in all different forms in the most horrible ways we can imagine, don’t they deserve hell?
Justice, isn’t it enough as a proof? We humans strive for Justice, it is interestingly as if it’s embedded in our souls. We need to see justice, it needs to be just like how water needs to be because we feel thirsty. Can we feel thristy for water if there is no water at all? If justice isn’t met here, there must be the final phase in which everyone is accountable for his/her own and only OUR OWN actions in front of God, to whom we can’t dare to lie, the Creator who knows the depths of our souls. Only then can humans’ lifelong quest for meaning can be finally met… Only then. That’s the rational behind my faith in the hearafter. Death remains the portal to that infinite and quite unimaginable world. That would leave humans with more clarity in their perception of death, so instead of fearing it, death, which is created by God, would say(if it has any consciousness): Don’t fear me, I am coming no matter what, everything has a start and an end. Instead, fear what’s after me; when everyone will be accounted for what they’ve done with their lives. Prepare yourself!
I am afraid I posted an article in the comments, I don’t know whether one of you, Aletheia and Mateo, will read it; I really hope so. Know that I always go back to check any replies, and I am happy to communicate with you. Thanks!
Sending love!
Hello All
It has been a pleasure and a privilege reading peoples’ musings and interpretation of death. My take on it is maybe somewhat left-field: for me, death and life are synonymous with each other, in other words they are hand to glove. They are a part of the ephemeral cycle of life : birth, living and death of all that is part of nature itself. We humans are just a tiny part of this world ( although our presence can and does upset the cycle of nature from time to time ). There is an old quote from the great poet Tennyson in his poem The Brook, which says ” man may come and man may go, but I shall go on forever ” which is a reference to the brook itself or more generally accepted to be Nature itself. In other words, man can NEVER tame nature but nature can tame man. The point here for me is that man ( and woman ) can tame themselves, but to do so, we all must go INWARD. Who are we, why are we here, what can we do, how to do it, which way is best, where can I start? Each of us is beautiful and amazing in our own special and different ways. But each of us has to go on a journey to figure all of the above out. And it may seem daunting but it is exciting too.
I really and truly believe that all our purpose in life is to be our true and authentic selves, but how to do it? Apart from the WONDERFUL site that is Loner Wolf ( which is a godsend I suspect for so many ), why not try some simple introspection of oneself by listing as many of your strengths as you can and then trying to honour those strengths day by day as best you can? This could take from days and weeks to months or years and is always ongoing, but believe me is so worth it.You may fall off the metaphorical cliff but that is OK – dust yourself down when you are ready and go again. Sooner rather than later if at all possible. And don’t forget to work on your weaknesses { Shadow Side ) simultaneously – they may never match your strengths ( which I am sure are many ) but even a few percentage points of improvement over time all adds up.And then – in time – each of us will come closer and closer to our authentic selves or True Selves. But we must do this work on our own – it is then and only then that it can and will be transformative and empowering.
For me, that is the essence of life itself. And when death intervenes, then death is considerably less an issue when a life is well-lived. And better late than never.
Thank You for reading this and I hope some if not all of the above will give you food for thought…
Live every day as if it was your first 😎
Fortunately I was born with the Gift of never being afraid to die.
I’ve always had the philosophy that when it’s our time, it’s our time; there isn’t anything you can do to stop.
So in my early teens I accepted this!
I’ve had 9 people pass from Thanksgiving of 2024 to January of 2025. One was my Mom another was my Stepson ( that I helped raise since he was 4 years old.) The others were very Close and Dear friends of mine.
The hardest part is for the one’s they left behind.
I know that each of them are in a Great Place!
I saw them pass and kept telling them that it was ok to let go!
They did, it was so hard seeing them pass, however I knew they were in a much better Place.
Thank You Thank You Thank You for letting me share this with you!
I Truly Appreciate You 🌹💜✨💫✨
Thank you. Beautiful article. No better way to show us what is truly important in our lives, and what isn’t.
As a Christian, greeting Death while still very much alive is like a dress rehearsal for meeting “Our Maker” at Heaven’s Gate someday. I always imagine God asking me: “Were you a good person?” “Were you honest, patient, and kind?” In other words, did you pay attention to the bar my son, Jesus, raised for all of humanity, about 2,000 years ago? However, chatting with Death–in my mind–is more a conversation about: Did I live an authentic life? Have I left any lasting legacy? Did I lean into my gifts enough to impact humanity or was I wasting time on a lot of B.S. like feeding my ego? It’s a valuable exercise because it cuts to the chase and enables a living person to wake-up and course correct before it’s too late.
I love the questions you ask here as a result of chatting with Death, Mary. Thank you for sharing 💜
Focussing on death reminds me of the Cults of India Hindu I think that gain yogic skills from dead bodies..
Also the Mexican style Day of the dead where all dress up for this festival day.
Perhaps we could see that after incarnation death of the body we can open consciously to other realms that connect to our essence and achieve far more there than wandering here upon this crazy mortal coil.
Blessing John😊
Ah yes — you mean the Aghoris (I think that’s how you spell it), who sit in funeral grounds, smear ashes from corpses on their bodies, etc., as a spiritual practice. Pretty extreme stuff, but I can see why they do it. Thank you for this, John :)
Death seems like a regular occurrence lately (obviously…) however in my immediate circle people seem to be dying more often than I can ever remember. My grandfather in December, our friend just last week who was only 49. And several other people in-between a course of months.
Some were shocking, others are not. It is a funeral of a family member especially that makes me go into deep thought about death. Looking around the room, spotting all my uncles and aunts, cousins etc that I haven’t seen since I was 5 or 6 years old. I’m 40 now. I walked up to greet an aunt of mine who I used to go and visit frequently as a child. She said “oh my god, I wouldn’t have recognized you on the street”.
That’s kind of when I realized just how separated families are. Mine anyway.
We always say “oh I’ll see them next time” or that you’ll make an effort to visit sooner than later. But when I looked around the funeral I knew I would likely never see most of those people again. Ever. Which made me (a deep thinker) fall into quite a depressed state. Why? What’s the point of this? Of all the blood related people we were lucky enough to be born to, a tribe, a guaranteed group of people who we will be loved by, and love ourselves, why are we so distant? 35 years ago I would have never imagined not seeing these people. Now, we are all strangers, until a funeral brings us together. Even then, the feelings wear off and we’re back to living as strangers, until next time someone dies.
Then, we just keep on lying to ourselves about making that time that we don’t have.
When I think about dying, it used to scare me. But not anymore. Almost as if I see death as some sort of happy event now, as that person may not be with us here, but that person “gets” to leave. When I hear people say things like, our youth could possibly live to be 120 years old. Or if my child asks “would you rather” questions involving infinite life… When I think about that, I don’t want to live forever. I don’t wanna live to even be 120. I don’t want to die, but I certainly don’t have a great desire to hang out here for longer than life naturally allows. Not to say I’m excited about dying. . But I’m a little curious to see what’s really behind the NDE stories and see where I “get” to go from here. Nobody ever wants to see death as a positive reality. Because we are selfish. We are sad because WE have to live here without the dead. Not because they have died and are suffering out there. They get to suffer no more. Why not be happy for them?
You give voice to a sad but tragically common reality of daily life in this modern fragmented culture/society: the disconnected family. I see the family as a microcosm of the macrocosm. Our families are fractured and, therefore, so is society. To me, the reason why this happens is because we no longer have shared meaning. Religion used to unite families under the same belief system, as did working together on the same project (e.g., a farm) in more agricultural times. Our shamanic ancestors had much smaller groups/tribes that spent a lot more time together and had similar worldviews. Now, with the advent of industrialisation, travel, globalisation, the internet, and the disintegration of old paradigms (e.g., religion), we find ourselves more disconnected. I know this is not necessarily an uplifting thing that I’m writing, it’s just an observation of mine, trying to get to the reason “why” all this happens. I’ve thought a lot about it too. But I do see the possibility of a lot of freedom, innovation, and depth seeking that can arise in such a sorry state of the world. The possibilities of finding a truer and more direct connection with the Self and spiritual Source increases. Thank you for your thoughtful share, Janis. May you find the Home within.
I think about death a lot- or rather time running out. So I don’t waste it. I was at the largest mall in Maryland yesterday. It was an overwhelm of materialism and consumerism. This is not the answer.
So far the answer for me continues to be that I protected nature for future generations to enjoy. I’ll just have to keep confronting death.
Btw, you sound like you were a “goth” teenager. I wish they had that when I was a teenager.
Thank you for living your purpose, Bill. Thank you for continuing despite what you see. 💜And yes, I was somewhat a goth as a teenager (I used to collect spiderwebs and cover my walls in black rubbish bags for Chrissake 😆).
Yes death is the ultimate awakening. I lost my 29 year old son to suicide 7 years ago and the pain and guilt a mother experiences because of this is undescribable. The shoulda, woulda, coulda, thoughts occupied my mind daily. The waves of heart-wrenching torrent of tears hit day and
night. The first year was the worst. The second even harder, and with the third year the pain eased a bit. And I was lucky because Brandon was spiritual and had shared a lot of his thoughts with me. Therefore, the first thing I did was find a medium. I have no doubt my spirit guides and even Brandon led me to the right person. No grief counselor could have given me the peace I got from knowing he was in “bliss” and happy and that he immediately felt the unconditional love that we can only feel on the other side. I learned he was a master teacher on the other side and came into this world to teach me and others some very hard lessons.
Very simplify, his death taught me unconditional love and compassion for all and to believe in myself enough to stand up.
I could write a book, but in response to the idea that death is the ultimate wake up… you are correct, but until you experience death first hand – the death of your child (whether young or old), maybe the death of a beloved parent or best friend, and of course when one experiences an NDE, I just don’t know if one can imagine their own death to experience awakening.
I do know that people who are comfortable with their own death experience life more freely and peacefully. My experience of this comes from being with friends at their deathbed. It seems that those who cross peaceably understand that life is eternal and we aren’t dying. We are going back home after our schoolroom experience on earth. And according to many (including my son), we will do it over and over again.
So sorry for the lengthy comments.
Linda, I can’t imagine the depths of suffering you must have experienced. As a mother now, the thought is inconceivable, tortuous. I find it deeply moving that you not only managed to connect with your son again, but also find the deeper meaning in his passing. It sounds like you have, in many ways, experienced a true awakening from this experience. And I agree that witnessing and going through the death of someone very close can have a greater impact than the memento mori philosophy by itself because it is a direct irreversible experience. Thank you for your courage and vulnerability in sharing this here 💜