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ยป Home ยป Finding Guidance

8 Signs of a True Soul Friend

by Aletheia Luna ยท Updated: Nov 10, 2023 ยท 40 Comments

Soul Friend

A true friend is one soul in two bodies.ย โ€“ Aristotle

What do you define as a โ€œfriendโ€?

Take a moment to think about your answer.

Once upon a time, people described true friendship as a connection between two fiercely loyal people who would give their lives for each other’s well-being. A true friend used to be thought of as a person who would stick with us through thick and thin; an alter-ego of sorts who we could confide in about anything and everything, and trust completely.


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These days the meaning of friendship has been somewhat diminished as we assign our drinking buddies, neighbors, colleagues and acquaintances with the โ€œfriendshipโ€ status (don’t get me wrong, some of these people can be true friends, but usually not).

We even reward the strangers and distant associates on our social networking account โ€œfriend listsโ€ with the devalued title, as though the word โ€œfriendโ€ is nothing more than a worthless, futile word that can be tossed around and pinned onto anyone with a face.

While it is great that we are open enough to assign anyone in our lives as โ€œfriends,โ€ our ignorance of what a true friend is and what being a true friend means contributes to a great sense of isolation and loneliness in our lives.

We have even turned โ€œfriendโ€ into doublespeak with the modern word โ€œfrenemyโ€ being used a way of describing people who you are friendly with (likeย with a friend), but secretly dislike (like with an enemy).

More than ever the importance of making and learning how to be a true soul friend and seeing it as a spiritual relationship is a vital part of life satisfaction in our increasingly disconnected society. I hope to explore this a bit more with you today.

Finding and Being a True Soul Friend

Sociologist and psychologist Lillian Rubin conducted an intriguing study that was published in her book, โ€œJust Friends: The Role of Friendship in Our Livesโ€ back in the 1980’s which was created to discover whether people reciprocally identified each other as โ€œbest friends,โ€ or not.

In this study, 132 people were asked to write downย the name of one person within the group who they identified as their best friend. To Rubinโ€™s surprise, 84 out of the 132 respondents didnโ€™t mention the person who originally submitted their name as their best friend. Only 18 out of the 132 respondents mutually identified each other as best friends.


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What implications does this study have on our lives? The reality is that our perceptions of โ€œfriendshipโ€ have weakened so much that most of us โ€“ as revealed by this study โ€“ struggle to even identify our mutual close friends.

To me friendship is one of the purest forms of loveย among humans because it (rarely) receives any form of sexual or monetary gratification/compensation; just theย joy of connecting deeply with another.ย Perhaps this is why we love and worship our pets so much? They often provide the only form of true soul friendship we can find immediately in our lives. The love of a pet is an unconditional love. Can you say the same for yourself or for others?

Asking myself this question often makes me stop dead in my tracks as I come to face all of the conditions that I tend to impose on others that stymie a true soul friendship. And honestly, while this shocks and deeply grieves me, I see it as an opportunity to grow โ€“ and I hope you can grow with me as well.

Fortunately, I have found a couple of true soul friends in my own lifetime whichย have taught me a lot about the meaning of unconditional love. This is what I have learned:

1. You can talk with a soul friend about anything.

There is no need to hide any topic away or “walk on eggshells” when talking with a soul friend. Although they might have their own contrary opinions, you can nevertheless feel a refreshing sense of liberty and openness when talking with them.

2. Their criticism is constructive, not destructive.

A soul friend wants to help you grow and build you up rather than tear you down … because why would they want to see you suffer? They don’t get any benefit from it. For this reason a soul friend is transparent and forthcoming with their critiques, and doesnโ€™t resort to passive-aggression, bitchiness, or pretense. They trust in the friendship enough to know that an embarrassing revelation wonโ€™t toss the connection onto the rocks.

3. Youย truly feelย heard and understood when in the presence of a soul friend.

Rather than talking over you, misunderstanding what youโ€™re saying, or always hogging the attention in a conversation, soul friends open themselves up to listening โ€“ truly listening, with the intent to understand your thoughts, feelings, dreams, or dilemmas. There will always be a balance of speaking and listening while communicating with soul friends, in other words, you will both talk and listen equally.

4. You can completely trust them.

When you confide in a soul friend about something delicate or highly personal in nature, they honor your privacy and deeply respect the confidence you have placed in them. They do not use your revelations as secret social fodder behind your back, nor do they betray your trust by letting your confidential conversations leak out. You can trust them with your life.

5. They respect your boundaries.

Rather than being pushy, needy, or demanding, soul friends respect your need for space and donโ€™t take your personal boundaries personally.

6. They value forgiveness and donโ€™t hold on to resentments.

A soul friend is aware that no one is perfect (including themselves) and therefore they prefer not to hold onto bitterness and resentments. If they are angry or hurt, they prefer to talk about it directly and openly rather than hiding it away. While they will forgive you of your shortcomings, they know where to draw the line when repeatedly betrayed.

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7. They see the best in you.

One of the most precious gifts that a soul friend gives in a friendship is unfailing kindness and goodwill. While you might feel ugly, your friend will remind you of your beauty. While you might feel talentless, your friend will remind you of your many skills. In this way, they pick you up when you feel low, reminding you of your inner beauty, power, and capability.

8. Your soul friend is with you through thick and thin.

A true soul friend is with you through your darkest nights and brightest days. As loyal, compassionate companions they are by your side when you are at your absolute worst, offering a helping hand and shoulder to lean on for support โ€“ and also when youโ€™re at your most happy and successful, cheering you on in the sidelines. Regardless of what point youโ€™re at in life, soul friends are the most loyal companions, confidants, and comforters.

***

Who is a soul friend to you? How can you be a better soul friend? And how can you go about inviting such meaningful connections into you life?

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About Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is a prolific psychospiritual writer, author, educator, and intuitive guide whose work has touched the lives of millions worldwide. As a survivor of fundamentalist religious abuse, her mission is to help others find love, strength, and inner light in even the darkest places. She is the author of hundreds of popular articles, as well as numerous books and journals on the topics of Self-Love, Spiritual Awakening, and more. [Read More]

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  1. Ella says

    February 14, 2025 at 10:46 am

    I believe friendships come in all forms. Whether is from sharing the same interests, pen pal or the rare true friend. Friends are about loyalty, honesty, compassion, love and respect.Some people don’t know the difference between acquaintance or friend, For me, a true or soul friend knows the real you: the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful aspects of your soul.

    It’s hard to make new friends as I get older. I still have at least five friends from my school days. Only one or two of them are considered soul friends. The word “Best friend” is too much pressure.

    The books “A Smart Girl’s Guide to Friendship Troubles” and “Friends” by American Girl are still helpful to this day despite they’re written for preteen girls. I recommend reading those books especially if you’re teenage girl or woman. Girls and women have a hard time dealing with each other especially if one of them is catty. I blame the media for it (Mean Girls, The Real Housewives, celebrity gossip, etc.)

    Reply
  2. AnonymousPerson says

    June 20, 2023 at 8:13 am

    Honestly, it would be nice if people researched about friendships with the same amount of vigor as they do with romance. Even if what you’re looking for is romance, it’s difficult to even begin with romance, if you do not master the basic relationship skills associated with friendships. That means googling terms/phrases like. . . 1. Philosophy of friendship 2. Psychology of friendship 3. History of friendship 4. The loneliness epidemic 5. Statistics on loneliness 6. How to make friends as an adult 7. 5 love languages for friendships 8. Signs of fake friends / Signs of real friends (Yes, sounds like such a middle school thing to search, yet adults seem to forget this) 9. Conversation questions for friends 10. Conversation topics for friends 11. Social skills websites 12. How to develop social skills 13. How to overcome social anxiety 14. How to strengthen friendships 15. Friendship breakups.

    Reply
    • Crunchy says

      November 16, 2023 at 12:34 pm

      There is a reason why CS Lewis discusses Philia love for most of the book. โ€œThe four lovesโ€

      Reply
  3. Sheng says

    January 25, 2022 at 12:55 pm

    I am happily married yet I was confuse of my emotions so I prayed to the lord and show me what and how I feel about my friend. I thought all the while I am in love with the person for I can be myself with him because of this I am no longer confuse for because of him the more I love my husband. thank you so much I can move forward and process my emotions I was right all the way, I am in love with our friendship but not the person. What a feeling to continue, I was listening to others thought, yet I forgot that when I talk to my husband about my friend he understand and allow me to be a friend. Wow! Thank you Jesus for this social media. In deed he is my soul true friend because even if his far we can communicate each other with no boundaries at all. God bless you and praying to God may this his will to last forever.

    Reply
  4. Alex says

    November 16, 2021 at 5:16 pm

    I too have a soul friend and can relate to the points you mentioned, but why can’t we love the whole world the way we love and care for our soul friend? It’d be so much better that way

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      November 17, 2021 at 9:38 am

      Yes, in an ideal world it would be wonderful to love everyone and everything we love/care for our soul friend. Human nature isn’t at that point just yet, hence why soul friends are so valuable because they help us to tap back into that love. :)

      Reply
  5. Derrick says

    May 04, 2021 at 9:44 am

    I have a lot of friends but only two understand and love me for who i am
    Soul friends will understand you watch your.back when needed

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      July 18, 2021 at 10:45 am

      Beautiful โ™ก

      Reply
      • Anna George says

        August 23, 2021 at 6:42 am

        I have one soul friend: his name is Heath. I have told him that I had feelings for him and our relationship didn’t change- he still cared, if not he did a bit more- he helped me after I put my dog down and helped me feel seen. I have told him things that I had never told anyone, never even wrote down in my journal. I can rely on him and I hope he feels the same way. He actually LIKES that I am weird! He have never hurt me. Only lifted me up when my family was making me feel like I was being smashed under debris.

        Reply
        • Aletheia Luna says

          November 12, 2021 at 10:50 am

          I’m so glad you’ve found someone like Heath, Anna โ€“ what a blessing!

          Reply
  6. Maureen says

    April 14, 2021 at 5:07 am

    Dear Luna, Thank you (and Sol too) for sharing all your wonderful wisdom with us. I have a question:

    How do I find a true soul friend(s)?
    I am 56 now, and have spent the past 20 years crawling my way through one long & brutal dark Night of the Soul … which of course, is ultimately a good thing bc, oh my, what a false life I was unknowingly living! For this reason I never had real close friendships; and for the past several years I’ve had no friends at all. I only had enough energy to focus on my children.
    Now my youngest is about to leave the nest, and I’m embarking on a new life – moving out of a toxic environment to a new state and starting fresh.

    I wonder if it’s possible for me to find a true soul friend this late in life? I have a longing to find my “tribe” – a few good friends, all of us loving and accepting each other unconditionally.

    Do you have suggestions on how to find such a gift? Or, do I just wait for the Universe to provide?
    Thank you!

    Reply
    • Apollo204 says

      July 04, 2021 at 12:11 pm

      You will!! I’m 20 years younger than one of my greatest friendships, who is about your age : ) She knows lots of people, but has a very small amount of super close friends, I’m grateful everyday I am one to her. Your souk friend is out there! Don’t get too caught up on age.

      Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      November 12, 2021 at 10:54 am

      Hi Maureen, thanks for connecting. Yes, of course it’s possible to find soul friends when you’re older (or any age really!). You’ll need to put yourself in different situations, get out of your house a little more, and focus on being the kind of friend you’d love to have in your life. Drawing soul friends into our life is a mixture of having healthy boundaries, respecting yourself, and therefore attracting someone who will treat you in the same way. Self-love is a big way of creating the ‘vibration’ that will draw soul friends your way. But ultimately, when and where soul friends arise is up to the will of the Divine โ€“ your job is to just ‘tend the soil’ and make yourself open to that happening. I hope these suggestions help. โค

      Reply
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