Betrayal Trauma as a Sacred Wound: 3 Ways to Heal

At the moment of betrayal a

wound is opened in our most

vulnerable spot—our original

trust—which is that of a

totally defenceless infant who

cannot survive in the world

except in someone’s arms.

– Aldo Caratenuto 

Betrayal trauma is such a raw and confronting topic that I almost didn’t want to write this post at first. Writing heavy topics isn’t always fun, but I know that it’s necessary. 

As such, I must warn you before proceeding: please take care of yourself. 

If at any point you get feelings or memories that come up that you don’t have the capacity right now to process, please take a break and come back another time. This article, from my heart to yours, will always be here waiting for you.

As painful as the topic of betrayal trauma can be, it’s worth exploring as it’s not only a path of deep healing but it’s also a doorway to spiritual actualization and transformation.

If, at any point in life, you have experienced a huge betrayal of trust, this post is for you.

Have You Experienced Betrayal Trauma? 5 Symptoms

Firstly, let’s examine some key betrayal trauma symptoms. 

You’ve experienced betrayal trauma if you’ve experienced any combination of the following:

1. You depended on a parent or caregiver at a young age who betrayed your trust in some way that caused you to experience terror, dissociation, or shock.
2. You depended on a partner or spouse as an adult who wounded you in a profound way, whether mentally, emotionally, or physically/sexually, causing you to experience intense fear, grief, or abandonment.
3. The betrayal of trust came through any of the following ways: mental, emotional, sexual, or physical abuse, abandonment, neglect, infidelity, or manipulation.
4. As you were physically, emotionally, or financially dependent on that significant person in your life, you were unable to get away easily and, therefore, had to stay in the situation for a prolonged period of time.
5. As a result, you developed symptoms of trauma, such as anxiety, depression, dissociation, PTSD symptoms, trust issues, addictions, and various other forms of mental and emotional dysregulation. 

Betrayal Trauma as an Original Wound

Everyone has an original wound that replays itself in many guises. It becomes a recurring theme in life, oftentimes repeating a script of scarcity, loss, lack of love, betrayal, or abandonment within a family and across generations. – Alberto Villoldo

There are many flavors of betrayal trauma, with some being more intense than others. 

My betrayal trauma, for instance, has a distinctly fundamentally religious edge to it, with my birth family choosing their religious beliefs over me, their “sinful” firstborn child.

For others, betrayal trauma can come in the form of being abandoned at a young age, sexually assaulted by a family member, or any other number of horrific experiences.

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Betrayal trauma is often the first significant wound that we experience in life, and for this reason, it can be thought of as an ‘original wound.’

In other words, if you want to get to the core of a lot of suffering in your life, you can trace it right back to your original wound of betrayal trauma.

Betrayal Trauma as a Sacred Wound

The healer’s gift is her own wound. It’s the source of empathy and true understanding; of compassion and forgiving. To heal thyself, embrace your wound as your sacred teacher. – B. Lillith

Betrayal trauma, other than being an original wound, is also a sacred wound. It is, to paraphrase the mystic Rumi, the crack through which the light comes through.

Without experiencing such a deep shock, such a profound loss of innocence, it is doubtful that we would ever develop the qualities of compassion and insight in the first place. 

How else could we understand and truly empathize with others who have gone through such deep-seated injuries to the heart?

This is where the archetype of the wounded healer comes into the picture.

Those who have experienced significant betrayal trauma are often destined to become healers in some way, shape, or form.

And as a healer, you have the opportunity to turn your pain into power – to alchemize your suffering into the very balm that someone else may desperately be searching for.

Betrayal trauma is a sacred wound because, when you learn how to harness its power, you can:

1. Find your voice and come out of the shadows
2. Share something of deep value with others
3. Make a meaningful difference in the world

How to Harness the Power of Your Sacred Wound and Discover Deeper Healing 

For a long time after leaving the abusive religious ideology of my childhood, I felt grieved, anxious, depressed, and lost. 

The experience would haunt my dreams at night as I relived the judgment, disdain, and coldness of those I lived with for the first two decades of my life – the very same people who I had come to trust.

Shortly before packing up my bags as a 19-year-old and leaving one early autumn morning, I wrote the following poem entitled ‘Old Woman.’ It went like this:

Who is that with hooded eyes?

Whose eyes are like the ashen skies

which cloud and dim and roam for miles,

a shadowed look

and lonely smile?

And as the curtains billow high

the eyes that sigh for days gone by,

cry:

“A mausoleum, a crypt, here sit I,

in regimented loneliness where old souls die,

for the love of family faded and dimmed,

I: an empty cup with an overflowing brim,

grew grim as I sat contemplating the lie:

no guarantee of love from family ties.

After I left, my world shattered. My anxiety became so bad that not only did I fail to hold down a job, but I could barely function in society.

Going to get groceries, for instance, filled me with so much anxiety that I felt I was going crazy. Catching the bus would put me so on edge that I would sit frozen in fear the entire time.

The only way I learned how to harness the power of this wound was by transmuting it through writing, creating, and helping others.

In other words, I had to shift out of the role of victim and into the role of creator. That’s what freed me from much of that anxiety and grief.

In the words of Jean Houston: 

The wounding becomes sacred when we are willing to release our old stories and to become the vehicles through which the new story may emerge into time.

So, how do you harness the power of your sacred wound and discover deeper healing? I can only share what has worked for me:

1. Writing – Journal every day. Write about your feelings. Explore the ‘inner wilds’ of your psyche. Meet your inner child and your shadow parts. Dialogue with your Soul and wiser Self. Use writing as a form of meditation, counseling, soul retrieval, and ensoulment. Writing combined with visualization and meditation is my favorite way of doing inner work.
2. Creating – Transmute your pain into power through the act of creativity. Let the life force energy flow in strange, beautiful, and unique ways to you. For me, that meant creating this website. Nearly 13 years later, I’m still doing this!
3. Helping others – Let your creativity be guided by one central principle: to help others. To embrace the role of healer or helper, you need a guiding force that goes beyond you and your pain. Be the mirror that helps others see their worth. Be the light that helps to ignite the spark of other’s brilliance. You never know whose life you can impact simply by creatively engaging with life and sharing something with the world.

Shifting the role of victim to creator, for me, was the key to finding freedom and healing from betrayal trauma. 

Yes, it’s crucial to acknowledge the victimization that happened. There’s no denying what occurred. And yes, there will always be a scar that hurts sometimes when pressed.

But in the words of trauma specialist Peter Levine,

Traumatic symptoms are not caused by the ‘triggering’ event itself. They stem from the frozen residue of energy that has not been resolved and discharged; this residue remains trapped in the nerve system where it can wreak havoc on our bodies and spirits.

The key, therefore, is to unfreeze that stuck energy through movement of some kind – physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

The act of creation, whether through journaling or dancing or painting, caters to all three.

Creatively shifting our identity, finding an outlet for our feelings, and transforming the pain into a source of nourishment for others is the path through betrayal trauma.

Some Questions to Contemplate 

To close, I want to leave you with some questions to contemplate.

You can find more deeply therapeutic questions in my Self-Love Journal and Inner Child Work Journal, which I’ve created as a labor of love to work through this type of deep-seated wounding:

• In what way can you use your wound of betrayal in service of helping others to heal?
• What does shifting from victim to creator identity look like for you? 
• Visualize or sense your inner child part. What do they most need from you to feel safe and loved right now?

I hope these questions unveil some deep and rewarding answers. 

Betrayal trauma is a sacred wound because it invokes the fires of emotional healing, mental transmutation, and spiritual transformation.

May your pain be a path of healing for others.

Share with me your thoughts and feelings about the topic of betrayal trauma in the comments. How has this impacted you? You never know who else may relate to what you write!