The Dark Night of the Soul is one of the most painful, isolating, and destabilizing experiences in life. Yet it is also a tremendous blessing in disguise.
As a primordial process of death and rebirth, the Dark Night of the Soul is a period in life where we are stripped of everything that is false. The veils of illusion are torn from our eyes. We suddenly see the fragility of ourselves, other people, and existence. And, out of nowhere, we start asking big questions such as “What is the meaning of life?” “What happens after death?” and “Why was I born?”
The more we start to question our lives, the more deception we come across. We see the lies perpetuated by society. We see the ways we have become wounded and behave dysfunctionally. And we may even notice a sense of emptiness inherent in our lives. Something feels missing. But what?
For many people, the Dark Night of the Soul heralds big life shifts. We may quit our jobs, leave our marriage, and seek out something more meaningful and aligned with who we truly are. For some, the Dark Night is a call to begin the spiritual journey toward enlightenment and reconnecting with the Soul.
Dark Night of the Soul Questions
When people first enter this dark period of life, they often have many questions. It can feel scary to lose interest in what you once valued and have your life turned upside down. Due to its destabilizing effect on our lives, the Dark Night is synonymous with what is known as the spiritual emergency.
Here are some commonly asked questions which might help to relax your mind a bit:
Most people who go through the Dark Night feel a sense of loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and depression. It’s common to crave for solitude and quiet/comforting environments. While some describe the experience as a death and rebirth, others describe it as the feeling of disintegrating or falling through a void.
The Dark Night of the Soul is an experience that is unique to everyone (although it does share many common characteristics). For one person it may last a few months, for others, it may last a year or many years. Most importantly, please understand that this is a temporary experience and many people can relate to what you’re experiencing. You’re not alone, although it might feel that way.
There are many ways to answer this question, but it’s crucial to understand first and foremost that the Dark Night is a natural and organic process. Just as trees go through a period of losing their leaves in Autumn/Winter, so too do we as humans (metaphorically speaking). We all go through cycles of death and rebirth; periods where we are full of life and energy and then periods where we need to slow down and go within. The Dark Night helps us to stop and tune into our inner selves. It is a process that goes hand-in-hand with the spiritual awakening process and finding our true life purpose.
Good question! Think of the Dark Night of the Soul as entering a prolonged Winter period. What comes after Winter? Spring! After the Dark Night we emerge refreshed, renewed, and ready to walk our true life paths. We have gained clarity, wisdom, tenderness, and the ability to tune into ourselves during the Dark Night period. These qualities we then bring into our lives. It’s quite common to start big projects, make powerful life changes, and explore our newly found gifts after the Dark Night of the Soul. It’s a blessing in disguise.
Dark Night of the Soul Test
Are you experiencing loneliness, isolation, depression, and soul loss? Do you seem to be developing new perspectives and views regarding life? If so, you may be experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul. Take our free Dark Night of the Soul Test to confirm (or challenge) your suspicions below:
How do you feel after receiving your results? Feel free to share in the comments.
Also, if you need more in-depth guidance, see our Dark Night of the Soul Journal for more help.
What has your experience during the Dark Night been like so far? I’d love to hear below. Your words might inspire or support someone else on this difficult journey.
The way you word things – you have such a gift! You point at things (that I’ve found to be) inexplicable and you just ‘name’ them!
It’s as though naming them takes away their power and ability to be too overwhelming. And that’s kind of comforting.
But no, I wasn’t really surprised by the results; it’s just that this is such a horribly long ‘dark night of the soul’ – twenty years and counting. Perhaps I’m just a very slow learner.
I do cringe internally when people start talking ‘God’ though – for a couple of reasons:
1) was raised (brainwashed) in a ‘Christian cult’ that loved using ‘fear-as-a-motivator’ to ensure the obedience of children, teens and adults alike, and
2) because (I thought) I’d had a major revelation recently that God isn’t an external being on a throne in the clouds waiting to ambush us and make us suffer for all eternity for not being perfect, but that ‘God’ is a living energy inside all of us that we just aren’t aware of and certainly not tuned in to.
You’ve helped boost my confidence a little in knowing that I haven’t spent all this time breaking away from the suffocation and misery of deeply ingrained religion and the religious for nothing; that there’s always been a reason and purpose for being such a little rebel (even as a three year old at the time).
Thank you. I’m so very grateful and happy that something me led me to find this site.
My wife and I have experienced ghosts, apparitions, and unexplained energies for three years before finding something that eased the situation. Since then we have been doing a lot of spiritual work quantum hypnosis, reiki, getting reiki abutments for level 1, soon to be level 2, change of diet, meditation daily to raise vibration, and along with everything listed we are living much better. There still comes time when things are going well it seems like a change comes and drops a rock on me and I am back working to find the way out from underneath. Once out from underneath the rock feeling very spiritually high and Yeah I MADE IT THROUGH WITH gubilation, containing more gifts and abilities for another rock to come falling back down and the process to continue over and over again. The spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical strength continues to grow thanks to the what I would call spiritual downloads from my guides. Wow what a ride. Would love to hear what you think.
Thanks for asking
Stephen
sfedele3@yahoo.com
How do I get through my dark night while at the same time struggling with addiction??
Hey Kira,
First focus on the addiction. There’s not much one can do with the Dark Night other than be go through it but the addiction adds an element of numbing this, and the dark night enabled deeper addictions. So focusing on finding ways to free ourselves from dependencies should be the number one priority. There’s many services and programs that help support this, please reach out to one locally.
Im right here with you.. I have 3 experiences.. But i KNEW IT WASNT DRUG INDUCED PSYCHOSIS.. Used even more outta fear and anxiety.. Then when i used drug of choice… IT NO LONGER WORKED.. FREAKED ME OUT EVEN MORE.. Still using but its not the same.. Im so confused.. Its seems like animals are super attracted to me now but in a good way.. They are nurturing..loving..communicative.. Its scary
.smh
I was a happy child until I had a mystical experience at the age of eight, the euphoria of which ended about a month afterwards, following which has been an enduring inner torment that comes and goes with bouts of liberating illumination. There wasn’t anything particularly bad that happened externally, but internally it was another matter. This inner pain created bad things externally which fed back into the inner pain, compounding it. There were periods of illumination that alleviated the pain for awhile until new pain came in and then the struggle ensued once again culminating in another illumination that alleviated the pain again. This cycle has gone on for forty years, wreaking havoc on my life but illuminating me beyond anyone’s wildest imagination. I cannot say it has been worth it but the process is still going on and that point of view could change. It seems as if it is unlikely to ever end but that is just “seemingness” which has nothing to do with reality.
Since I was 21, I’ve been spiraling out of control with my life. Was a 3.0 gpa student and was sexually assaulted during my senior year and was in emotionally draining relationship. Ended up in the hospital with PTSD depression anexity.
The next 3/4. Years I’ve battled it horrible , jumping form job to job not really having a purpose. Chasing woman, drinking, partying not having any future. Basically wasting away my time on money and things that I didn’t value prior. I was a good person with a very strict moral code before my trauma but I lost my way and became what I hated the most.
About a year ago, I met this woman. She lived right down the street from me and we got really close really fast. It felt like I was meeting my soul mate. I wasn’t really ready for a relationship at the time because I wasn’t fully healed with my trauma. I didn’t want to mess it up though and she ended up saying you either date me or I’m bouncing. We had similar values and similar dreams but we rushed into love and our relationship because I didn’t want to lose her but I wasn’t healed and wasn’t ready for love. I ruined it by cheating the first couple weeks we were together. I didn’t love this person off the bat and made mistakes that were wrong at the beginning but once I was in love, it was amazing and I never cheated again. I was never happier and she changed me for the better after a long period of darkness, I began to turn my life around and we both became closer with each other’s families.
It was the best times of my life, we did everything together. I got a good job and we were going to move in together but she lost her job and didn’t work for a while. We started getting into stupid fights and our communication dwindled. 1/2 months ago she went through my phone and found out What happened at the beginning of the relationship and I lied to her about it the whole time, like a scum bag. I didn’t want to lose her but I should have told her the truth right away because it crushed her. I was toxic to her and a couple days later she ended up leaving me for someone she had been talking to for a while. We tried to work it out but she wanted space and I didn’t. She ended up leaving me. It hurt me and I was pretty upset/distraught/angry/betrayed but I’m the one who deserved it for karmas sake.
The last couple months I lost my good job, I’ve spent a lot of the money I’ve been saving on stupid things and constantly have this girl on my mind and she seems happier in her new relationship.
I guess is what I’m saying is after finally seeing the light and thinking I was turning around, I wasn’t. I’ve never cheated before and I shall never do I again and I truly lost the best thing that happened to me because of my selfishness.
The last couple of days I’ve been looking for any light again and I realized that maybe I was meant for this to happen to finally get my act together and be the person I was all those years ago. Because admittedly I’ve been a no good fool since but I thought I was still pure and good hearted and acted like it too. I guess I’m starting to realize I had shadow work still left to do and losing someone like that made me to everything more serious because I want a serious family, love and trust. I don’t want to see someone’s heart break or hurt someone like that ever again. I can’t keep living my life on half truths and false morals anymore because they’ll always catch you or tag you back.
I finally want to actually step out of the darkness that I’ve been in and truly get my life back on track. It sucks that I hurt her but she deserves a great life and she’s better off without me. I’m not doing it for her I’m doing it for myself so I can have someone like that again.
Cheaters always lose but if you ever do just be honest and be a man about it.
Wow that is truly inspiring. Thank you a lot for sharing!
I guarantee anyone who has acquired the skill of reading identifies with 6 at least in 2021
Pretty much! Though as crazy as it sounds, that’s most likely a good thing (in the long term).
Hi after a medical operation going drastically wrong my life changed forever with everyday chronic nerve pain loss of bladder bowel hale numb right leg so my life changed drastically I would like to believe there is a purpose in my pain for someone somewhere I don’t want to be I. My body or world but I want to connect with my soul to make this life that I’m living which is painful depressing and suicidal worthwhile for someone else suffering I’ve had those thoughts why me questioning God etc I just sit in a corner of my house everyday wishing questions about being useless now to my hubby kids grandkids that I cannot even babysit enjoy life with I loved life especially outdoors Really I want to die really right now (just had 3 days of severe chronic pain) but yet someone is telling me to connect with my soul. Which voice do I follow I know the right one is to connect with my soul and the easy one is just die Geraldine
Dear Geraldine, I’m sorry to hear of this deep pain you’re experiencing. Choose life. Choose to reconnect with your Soul. You might find guides such as these helpful and inspiring: https://lonerwolf.com/higher-self/ https://lonerwolf.com/internal-family-systems/ https://lonerwolf.com/deep-listening/ Please do take care of yourself and try and reach out to someone for professional guidance like a transpersonal counselor or depth therapist. Wishing you love,
Luna
Hi Geraldine, I’m relatively young and too have suffered extremely due to my health. I have multiple chronic illnesses and also lost a significant part of my digestion, I have to use a bag now unless I opt for more surgery. After my first op, I lost my home, I thought I was losing my young child, (I did temporarily as was hospitalised with sepsis and severe illness for 6 months). I have chronic nerve pain also. Never in a million years did I feel I would progress beyond suicide and this was my plan until 2 years ago. I don’t know what changed but I woke up dramatically in the midst of all this suffering and am now the healthiest I’ve ever been. I have had counselling with a wonderful lady for years and this has been my guide and support to help me on the path to awareness. I now believe without doubt everything had to happen to me, and sometimes still does (hence coming on here) to help me wake up and stop hurting myself. I never believed my emotional state would affect my pain, but it actually has. The more I have awoken, the better care I have taken of myself and my boundaries and my health has improved. No it wont answer everything and take away your pain. This is a message of hope for you. No one would ever have called me the sort of person who would be able to withstand all that I have and come out smiling. I hope this messages helps you xxx
I don’t feel like myself lately and I feel lost, even sick to my stomach with unusual headaches every day. The things I was once engaged and I have absolutely no interest for. I feel self-absorbed lately like I’m letting everyone around me down too. Normally I am the positive energy and light in the room that picks everyone else around them up. Now I feel so down in the dumps of sorrow and depressed. For no real obvious reason at all. Sometimes I wonder why my soul chose this path and the pain it wanted to experience. I even burst out crying yesterday for no particular reason. I’ve become extremely tired, even when I get enough sleep. I keep questioning life and I have this deep urge that my soul wants to go home. I’ve become obsessed with what happens to us after our physical body dies. I’m not like suicidal or anything but I have an urge to go back to source energy. But I know I haven’t finished my souls contract here yet and I’ll just just be re-introduced to the same issues. How do I get through this time in my life as I am deeply awakening while still being light and love for others?
I think this is awful. I’m wanting spiritual enlightenment,but i didn’t ask for this. Now i find out it could last years. I thought i was having a midlife crisis. I can’t go back to the way i was I’ve tried. I guess I’ll read as much as i can on this. It’s making me a better person but i thought i was happy being a selfish superficial bitch. Why did it just happen? Nobody can relate to me anymore.
Nothing psychological or spiritual is cookie cutter and read without emotion. Yes it could take years but that means it could not. That is the danger in putting dates and times down when dealing with this kind of problem. If you are like 99% you think negatively and will derail your experience. By the way, these are not clinical terms and all of our experiences are individual. Maybe yours will be the short nap of soul
Hello, I know I am going through the dark night of the soul.I have never felt like this before… I have most of the signs! I can’t wait to get through it… I am 73 years young, and my wife and son think I am developing either dementia, or Alsheimers…ugh! I doubt it…more like Dark night of the soul..I hate feeling this way….
I feel completely empty, alone, detached and a deeply inconsolable sorrow that I cant escape or hide from. I’m stretching out my hand longing for someone to pull me out of this dark place my mind and soul has taken me. Is it normal to find comfort in the fantasy of death during the dark night of the soul?
I’m sorry to hear that Rebecca. The Dark Night can be a very confusing time. Ultimately it seeks to be experienced, trying to hide from it or escape it can just extend it or temporarily numb it. This is best navigated with support, do find guides/counselors or therapists who can hold space for you during this time. The Dark Night is a death of some qualities within you, but it has nothing to do with a physical desire for death. It can turn that way though if unguided as we get confused as to what exactly we are experiencing. ‘Somatic experiencing’ is a fairly new modality we encourage you to try, there’s plenty of locally trained practitioners if you search on Google.
Stay strong lovely.
I feel like this every time clocks go back in October and I die with the leaves and plants. I have been diagnosed with S.A.D. many years ago but no anti-depressant or anxiety medication helps. Everything that describes Dark Night of the Soul is within me every winter and with extra light with longer days in spring and summer I feel good to get out in the light and appreciate how I feel like a different person.
I’m 18 years old but I’ve felt the dark night since I was around 14 years old. I thought there was something wrong with me but then I found this article and now I feel like there a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you Luna and The Lonerwolf team! I feel like I have hope again, which is something I’ve never felt in a long time.
I have lived in the Dark Night for as long as I remember. I’m very familiar with the Welsh concept of Hiraeth… the longing for a home that is long lost or perhaps never actually existed.
F. Scott Fitzgerald said that in a true dark night of the soul it is always three o’clock in the morning.
3 AM, known in more distant times as the witches hour, when the veil between worlds grows thin.
This is my life, since I was a small child. Being now in my 50s, I feel the curtain is about to finally draw back.
Do you think wakening up every morning at 3am when my day starts is part of dark night
I feel that personally, Dark night of the soul is uncomfortable but necessary. I have been on a road of twists and turns for some time now. I just mentioned to my boyfriend today that I felt … withdrawn. Now, I have experienced great loss in my life , all of my family. I truly feel that while I am going through what feels like a heartbeat… there is something on the other side that I cannot wait to see.
My Dark Night began just about a month ago and i am a very high energy person so when my family started noticing this they got worried so now i finally know whats going on. Thank you so much Luna & Sol!
I began my awakening journey after my first heart attack in June 2017. My dark night started in April of 2018 and I thought I was truly losing my mind I cried for 5 days and nights and had no clue what was wrong with Me. It was worse than any depression I had ever felt in my life. I kept asking God what was happening to me and out of nowhere somethi g Spirit I’m sure told me to go to my tarot to find out what I was going through. I had NEVER even thought about listening to tarot readings I barely knew what my signwas at the time(Pisces). So I went to YouTube and started looking at all the different readings until one caught my attention. It was called Sometimes You feel like a Scorpio by the reader Eyez wide open 1111. It was 2 and a half hours long and she hit the nail on the head through the whole reading and explained to me exactly what was happening to me. I was going through the Dark night of the Souls and healing emotional trauma I had suppressed since ci was a child. She talked about having to forgive my mother for all the pain she put me through. How I had to let go of all the anger and sadness to release all of it and most of all forgive ppl who had hurt me and most of all I had to forgive myself. I cried through the whole thing. I had so much emotional trauma suppressed in me it was unbelievable. Before all this happened I had aproblem being alone I couldn’t stand it for more than 5 mins. It was like I was comfortable in my own skin. Since then I LOVEy time alone and would choose to be alone rather than be with anyone. I know I go through boughts of dark nights since then but everytime I do I shed something from myself whether it be a bad habit of relationships with ppl that serve no purpose. I don’t know how long it will last but I know that it’s all for the best. Life is nothing but lessons then tests and if fail the test we repeat the lesson over and over and it hurts more n more the more we repeat it until we give in and change by learning what the lesson was meant to teach whether it be to love yourself more set boundaries cut relationships or whatever it maybe. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the way I was before but that only last a few seconds then I realize that it’s not possible and I wouldn’t if I could anyway. Im so thankful for finding your sight it’s like I find these things just like the tarot right at the precise time I need them thank you both for doing what you do and thank you Spirit for loving me so much love and light
I never ever cried so much and I feel broken and just want it to be over . I was asking for help a month ago and I had a vision of a black lonely wolf . I did not understand it at the time and it makes sense now.
Thank you for true guidance.