The Dark Night of the Soul is one of the most painful, isolating, and destabilizing experiences in life. Yet it is also a tremendous blessing in disguise.
As a primordial process of death and rebirth, the Dark Night of the Soul is a period in life where we are stripped of everything that is false. The veils of illusion are torn from our eyes. We suddenly see the fragility of ourselves, other people, and existence. And, out of nowhere, we start asking big questions such as “What is the meaning of life?” “What happens after death?” and “Why was I born?”
The more we start to question our lives, the more deception we come across. We see the lies perpetuated by society. We see the ways we have become wounded and behave dysfunctionally. And we may even notice a sense of emptiness inherent in our lives. Something feels missing. But what?
For many people, the Dark Night of the Soul heralds big life shifts. We may quit our jobs, leave our marriage, and seek out something more meaningful and aligned with who we truly are. For some, the Dark Night is a call to begin the spiritual journey toward enlightenment and reconnecting with the Soul.
Dark Night of the Soul Questions
When people first enter this dark period of life, they often have many questions. It can feel scary to lose interest in what you once valued and have your life turned upside down. Due to its destabilizing effect on our lives, the Dark Night is synonymous with what is known as the spiritual emergency.
Here are some commonly asked questions which might help to relax your mind a bit:
Most people who go through the Dark Night feel a sense of loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and depression. It’s common to crave for solitude and quiet/comforting environments. While some describe the experience as a death and rebirth, others describe it as the feeling of disintegrating or falling through a void.
The Dark Night of the Soul is an experience that is unique to everyone (although it does share many common characteristics). For one person it may last a few months, for others, it may last a year or many years. Most importantly, please understand that this is a temporary experience and many people can relate to what you’re experiencing. You’re not alone, although it might feel that way.
There are many ways to answer this question, but it’s crucial to understand first and foremost that the Dark Night is a natural and organic process. Just as trees go through a period of losing their leaves in Autumn/Winter, so too do we as humans (metaphorically speaking). We all go through cycles of death and rebirth; periods where we are full of life and energy and then periods where we need to slow down and go within. The Dark Night helps us to stop and tune into our inner selves. It is a process that goes hand-in-hand with the spiritual awakening process and finding our true life purpose.
Good question! Think of the Dark Night of the Soul as entering a prolonged Winter period. What comes after Winter? Spring! After the Dark Night we emerge refreshed, renewed, and ready to walk our true life paths. We have gained clarity, wisdom, tenderness, and the ability to tune into ourselves during the Dark Night period. These qualities we then bring into our lives. It’s quite common to start big projects, make powerful life changes, and explore our newly found gifts after the Dark Night of the Soul. It’s a blessing in disguise.
Dark Night of the Soul Test
Are you experiencing loneliness, isolation, depression, and soul loss? Do you seem to be developing new perspectives and views regarding life? If so, you may be experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul. Take our free Dark Night of the Soul Test to confirm (or challenge) your suspicions below:
How do you feel after receiving your results? Feel free to share in the comments.
Also, if you need more in-depth guidance, see our Dark Night of the Soul Journal for more help.
What has your experience during the Dark Night been like so far? I’d love to hear below. Your words might inspire or support someone else on this difficult journey.
I feel like I have being experiencing dark night of the soul my whole life, feeling different, alone, close to children, animals, and nature; I care deeply and i feel other people’s pain, even strangers; i mourn the loss of life every day, even as a child. I am highly intuitive and curious about paranormal experiences, having experienced some myself. i pray to god. I believe i will experience the end of this world. i believe in reincarnation, soul mates, and twin flames. There are no accidents in life, everything is for a reason. Even though I believe in god, and am still afraid; i have always been afraid.
I feel releived,it is not just me. The parrallels are striking but not exact.My searching has brought frustration ,anger and despair. Each path has brought solace. Today I selected three of my books,they are a starting point for my onward journey.Animate Earth,Stephan Harding. Wicca, Scott Cunningham and Nature Spirits a Remembrance,Susan Raven.A foundation for the hopefull onward journey and the lenses to review my home, a nine acre patch of North Wales.The peace I feel that my journey will be hopeful travel,but may not have a destination in my present incarnation is acceptable and exciting and altogether calming.
Hey Beth,
I’m James, I read your comment and wanted to let you know… you’re not alone. I felt that way a long time. It still pops in my head and heart once in a while.
But then I remember, of all the experiences I had that showed me I was never alone in this world.
Death is not the end, that’s just another stage we go through, we all take. I’ve had a lot of loved ones pass on, I know in my heart they are with me..and God is too, every step of the way. Faith that something higher than ourselves is around us is powerful.
I was told the dark night could last weeks or years.. it doesn’t have too. It is difficult and different for everyone..
They say, the more you follow your soul path..the more intune you are with your higher self and things fall in place. I’m starting to see truth with that in my life.
I never thought I’d say stuff like this.
And I’m a cancer sign, so deep soul searching and intuition is like second nature to me.
And I hear you about feeling everyones emotions can be a drag sometimes.. But really is a gift. It was good for me to get out and around people that have the same beliefs as me, and vibrating positive energy. And even just start helping people were I can. People that feel like we do, make great caretakers. Cause we feel were the are coming from, we relate so easily with people. Before I started studying this about all this and awakenings.. I noticed I’d wear myself down being around negative people a lot.
I had step back from friends cause of drug use and addiction, I started to think down on my situation or myself. I started to feel stuck in life. I didn’t know why I always had problems, and never seemed to get really ahead in life or have that happy life. Then it hit me after crawling through the darkness.
It was happening because of me not listening to my true self and not seeing and hearing the signs that the universe was broadcasting to me.
Hold on to your faith and remember to have fun in life.
I used to take everything so seriously, and think about everything in the world. Mind would race all the time. Then I tried meditating and doing breathing exercises. It really helped clear my mind and helped me hear my true calling in life.
I pray you see your way out. I have a good feeling you will.
We all get afraid from time to time. Don’t let that stop you from shining.. I fall short all the time, but learning from my mistakes is key. I lived so long in fear, I profit nothing good in life.
I’m still taking baby steps towards my goals. I want things to happen right away. But
I have to let the universe/ God lead me. And I have to let go of the wheel.
Remember, you are a divine spirit before being on earth. Keep doing that deep soul searching!
All the best to you Beth!
This resonates with me. But I realised lately that I also (may) suffer dysthymia for most of my life, which makes me wonder if dysthymia is in many cases the label that western medicine puts on people who actually go through the dark night of the soul. The signs seem all the same and I strongly believe that psychology and psychiatry are desperate to explain spiritual experiences and tag those as ‘mental diseases’. Right now so many people need psychological help, because for what I feel the whole world goes through a universal dark night of the soul in order to move into the fifth dimension as so many people arent prepared for it, being denied to use their innate spiritual gifts.
I have been looking into your ebooks for many many times without taking any actions, because I have been so disappointed in almost every ebook I ordered online lately. Rest assured I do not have any doubt about the quality of your ebooks! I just need to motivate myself. But I think the current stage I am in will do.
Right now I am at a crossroad that I really need to act upon, I see our world tried being destroyed by evil and so many are still unaware. I feel helpless and the will to live is forced out of me. Not because I want to, but I feel like we are heading for times that the fate of humanity is at stake and Im desperate and clueless on how to help the worlds transition to the new dimension. I am after all an indigo child whose mission it is to do this.
Some days I do better than others, most days I am postive that we are spiritualy able to direct our fate and lives and we will enter the new dimension with all the goodness thats part of it. I keep focussing on it, but in these times where I literally have no human interactions at all, and it is slowely detoriating me that I am limited in the things I (can) do and I am unable to be with my family and friends abroad, due to restrictions that only seem to go worse every week, causing me to loose hope if I ever see them again. Its so tough to stay positive. I can only hope this madness is soon going to end, that the grip evil has on the world is being lifted.
Thank you for helping out people who need guidance in these hard times. Much appreciated!
I guess I will proceed with what I should have done earlier. The time is now! ;)
Blessings!
I’ve been experiencing the dark night of the soul for so many years now. Where will it lead? When will it stop? I feel quite stuck where I am in life. But at the same time, my spiritual journey is ongoing. Sometimes crawling, other times more fulfilling and even wonderful. But most of the time, I feel stuck. Why? I don’t understand why nothing happens. I mean, it’s over a decade now, well about 15 years, and most of that time have been truly dark. I feel good right now, and I have good times, but I am very alone and don’t have anything even close to purpose. My life is meaningful in many ways – but I don’t know what I am supposed to do, with anything. Love feels far away, I’m 42 and don’t have any kids, don’t want to or do I? Don’t know for sure. I know that I long for my soulmate, but mostly I long for purpose.
The spiritual awakening process with its several stages back and forth is hard enough, but since I always end up back in the dark night over and over again it’s almost too hard. What can I do? If anything but keep on keeping on… I won’t give up, I did that mistake years back and that could have been it for me, but I’m grateful to still be here in this life. After all, in spite of all the pain and confusion, life is precious. So I hope it’ll be worth it in the end. But don’t we all need to feel good and understand our purpose rather sooner than later?
I love this website, I’ve read many of the articles, some of them more than once, and done several tests. I have been saved in dark moments by reading your valuable insights. And inspired in all moods! Thank you!!!
I’m in the same boat, Maria — the searing pain of loneliness; the feeling of just drifting through life, striving and striving for years but never seeming to get to even a somewhat contented place. I believe in the power of faith, affirmation, prayer, and developing a strong bond with God (in whatever form you choose). I have ‘created’ a soul twin in my mind; I have full faith that I’m going to be connected with her. This year, I believe that I’m finally on the precipice of actually living my purpose in life. Everything up to this point has been training and preparation for what I’m about to do. I felt like life was “at war” with me, and about a year ago, I realized that to get out of this, I need to start Winning wars. That mindset might not work for everyone, but it has helped me. If I were you, I would pray deeply that you be shown your purpose–it might be revealed step by step–and that you be connected with your soulmate, who already exists. Hang in there, sister! I also love this site and really appreciate everything that Luna & Sol put into it.
I feel the dark night of the soul is apart of my life. I get depression from telepathic messages, I think
I’ve connected with a lower vibration as the messages I’m sent is sometimes evil visions and telepathy plus iv experienced teleportation which freaked me out. I want to find a excellent hipnotherapist who can check what’s going on with me, any suggestions? I wake up every morning with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’m told telepathically if I don’t stop eating, drinking, start prayering I won’t evolve to the next level. This is extremely brief description of my daily interaction with other beings. I feel alone with no one I can share these experiences with. I’ve kept a journal of all my experiences so if something should happen to me, it’s all there in my book. I was a opiod user up to a year and half ago as I was in pain emotionally and physically as I was able to handle listening to these other beings now I’m straight I find I fear sometimes listening to them as they give future outcomes and some of them arn’t positive end times! Your suggestions please. Lov taniaxx
Hi Luna and Sol
I have been looking at your website for a while. The Inner Child info helped me identify some negative experiences, not from my parents who were normal and loving, but from boarding school- a bullying headmistress whose actions were exactly opposite to her Christian teachings. So I sought some psychological help- havening- not because I’m particularly miserable, but because I want to be more resilient so I can help others- but it did really help me love myself, to realise I don’t have to be constantly achieving in order not to be seen as ” the bad girl,” to realise this in my heart not just my head.
I have had a long Dark Night of the Soul over a number of years due to multiple deaths of close family and friends, starting with my partner dying suddenly beside me in bed. As you identify, I have had many years of spiritual seeking, my values have turned upside down although I still struggle with societal and family expectations of making money and being employed and useful, despite now seeing money, reputation and profession as fairly irrelevant.
Throughout this I have struggled with finding joy again. More recently I realise I have been simply taking life too seriously- there are so many global-warming, human-greed, poverty-stricken, inequitable- wages, mental-health, environmental-destruction, not -to-mention Covid-19 problems in the world it is easy to get overwhelmed, to feel that I must be part of some very serious crusade to cure it all, or that I must take all the lost souls I find into my care – this doesn’t work I assure you.
So now I have concluded that we are partly here to have fun, whatever that means to each of us. For me it is sailing, skiing, canoeing and a really good party once in a while, even if that means imbibing a few toxins and burning a bit of CO2. I will of course look after my friends who are going through the worst of times with great compassion, but I will no longer sink myself in their misery. I will not walk away from their hard stuff , as many do, but I will balance my commiseration with maintaining my own pockets of joy. Our lives are a constant flux of hypocritical values, half realisations and half way theres. That is how it is. May as well enjoy it.
For a while now I have had an overwhelming desire to do two things: sail off into the middle of the Pacific, and return to live in the high country of my childhood. Neither of these make any sense logically or financially, but curiously, the moment I decided that having fun was ok, I have found the perfect partner in these crimes of rebellion.
Thanks so much for your insights.
Juliet
I really appreciate you sharing your approach here, Juliet. I agree – it’s so easy to take life seriously when we are exposed to all the shit going on not only at a local level, but now we are cognizant of it at a global level. How’s that for overwhelming?! Maintaining pockets of joy is a lovely practice, something that reminds us that life isn’t solely dark and miserable, but there’s also joy too. Play also helps us to step out of the ego/mind (source of all suffering) and into the present moment, helping us to realize that we’re way vaster than we think we actually are. Thank you!
So beautifully put! Thank you for sharing
Thank you for this insighful reply! You approach does make a lot of sense to me and I’m slowly reaching a similar conclusion…I think what you said at the end resonated with me: accept and forgive yourself for wanting to have fun in the mist of so much angst and you will attract what and who you need
It’s been since 2017 for me…super intense times…major depression what used to ease the pain no longer works I’ve been running too long I’ve lost my voice somewhere in the darkness but I keep getting up and going again …I have literally been in physc ward 15 times maybe more my life is….how did I get here?? To this point? Where have I been for 40 some years? What the he’ll were u thinking?? Oh careful..saying what U think gets u put away! But there is hope folks! things could b worse for me I have got to get myself together! Spiritually financially emotionally mentally physically. I’m just trying to let it all fall away ..whatever no longer serves me just fall away .thanks a lot
Thanks for your courage Monica ❤
I love Loner Wolf posts! They are interesting, and gives me ideas to improve my life. I’ve been reading from this website for several years. I have found though, as I have aged, I’m 67 now, that some of the things discussed such as a ‘dark night of the soul’ are just part the normal aging process. In exploring the test/quiz above most of my symptoms of a dark night of the soul, are simply the normal consequences of moving into my retirement years. I do experience some loneliness as my children are now grown and I don’t get to see them as much. They are busy being terrific parents to their own children, and pursuing interesting careers of their own. I have my own activities and friendships, but my aging body and arthritis doesn’t allow all the activities I once enjoyed. Perhaps it would be interesting to have an article or directed us, the older loner ‘gray’ wolves to spiritually fulfill our lives and reassure us that we are valid members of your community too. Plus it could be a whole new market share to the loner wolf organization.
Thanks Debbie for the feedback. Generally what I’ve learned is that the dark night of the soul is often triggered by major shifts in life, crisis in a way. Whether entering adulthood, middle age or retirement (the most common individual stages), these become moments when we question more deeply the routinary nature of our life, and whether there’s anything more to life than paying off a mortgage, experiencing professional success or having a family. Some need these crises, others are more naturally inclined to pursuing this path without them. Some don’t need these paths at all, and perhaps are looking for a sense of personal fulfillment instead of questioning the nature of the self/ego. We’ve chosen to keep it focused on the spiritual path, just to narrow our workload and also provide deeper quality (over quantity) for those who are interested in this :)
I know I am experiencing a VEEERRYY deep long Dark Night of the Soul. I am exhausted and whatever I do or feel or experience seems it will never end… I’ve lost everything that was ever dear to me, and I mean everything: My home, my job, my family, I’ve been just a tiny step away from homelessness, utterly alone in the world as pretty much everyone has turned their backs onto me, including my sons, my wealthy narcissist father and everyone that ever dared to call themselves my friend: gone. the sheer brutal loneliness is absolutely overwhelming. I am tired, really tired of the barely survival state struggle as, workwise and foodwise I have survived from handouts and small jobs here and there. It has been over 11 years since it started, so believe me I have tried everything in the book that has come close for me to try: everything. Sure, I have survived, barely, as I have seriously considered not to. But I am still going, for whatever long and under which ever circumstances may allow me to do so. I have tried to keep my head up, surrendering to what is, to the moment, grasping onto the tiniest flicker of hope, but the relentless lonely darkness just seems to become deeper and deeper. I am an educated really nice guy that just loves life, really really loves life, looking for a very desperately needed break…
Hey M, I hear you brother. ❤
I feel confused, and life has seemed to have little meaning and purpose lately. I understand that unconditional love is part of the higher purpose, but how can I love everybody unconditionally in a conditional world? It’s so… confusing!!! I had no idea I was going through a fourth dark night of the soul. Yes, a fourth one. I’ve already been through three, why would I want a fourth one again? Ugh so annoying. I need to find meaning and purpose in life.
I guess even us rainbow starseeds go through dark nights every once in a while. I know I watched a fellow rainbow starseed, therainbowalpaca, talk about her experience with self-cutting and a suicide attempt, and she was helpful in the sense that I know I am not the only one who goes through a dark night of the soul; however, I experienced different things, like insomnia, delusion, and detachment from reality, during the previous dark nights. This dark night is different, however, in that I am needing to take action and find meaning and purpose in life, and that without it, life feels confusing, sad, and seems to be directionless. I’ve been attempting to find a direction in life for the past six months. But I still feel confused, and I don’t understand why I still feel confused. Maybe it’s because I want to be able to love unconditionally in a world in which people are isolated from each other. How can I love other people unconditionally if they’re not even here in the same place? I love all of you, no matter what, and I hope you are seeing this, and I hope that you all are willing to receive this unconditional love. It just feels sometimes like when nobody is around, the purpose of loving everyone unconditionally seems to be rather meaningless without those who I love. Maybe I need to evolve this idea of unconditional to being unconditional self-love, because the word “everybody” includes myself too. I was doing a tarot card reading and I kept getting the dark night card and the fear card. I am at a crossroads where I am deciding where I want to go next, but I am having difficulty because I decided to go in a direction before I was actually true to how I feel on the inside, which is afraid. I feel afraid of going in that direction. I say I’m fearless most of the time, but sometimes I need to realize that it’s okay to feel fear sometimes because it’s there to protect us from harming ourselves like we did in the past. I just want to be okay, and to be healthy. I have no real job-job, and I’ve been rather solitary at home now for months and I’ve had an irregular sleeping schedule, which is something I need to create regularity in. I also find even the slightest bit of light when I compose, play piano or help people plant trees, because it’s the least I can do. Simply getting through a day and eating and sleeping has been difficult the past week, as I have often forgotten to eat or I have often gone to sleep as late as 7:30 AM. This is so self-destructive, and I don’t even understand why I do it. I have so much unlimited and hyper energy all of the time that I am trying to figure out how to calm myself down and be peaceful. Even then when I try to be calm and stuff it takes hours to fall asleep, because I start laughing in the middle of the night while I’m trying to sleep or I’ll start crying while I play piano. I just want today to be a day where I am actually put together enough to have meaning and purpose in life and a day where I can follow through with doing what I want to do. I feel like the collective is going through a collective dark night of the soul. I’ve made an effort to shine rainbow light through the darkness, but now I realize sometimes the rainbow shines light truly after the dark storm arrives. ⛈
One last thing. I thought that the three different people I went on a date with and that I received a kiss from were true love. But now I know they don’t really love who I am truly, but I wish they did. I feel sad. I dream of a true love’s kiss, but I feel sad when I receive a kiss from a place that isn’t love and that is just physical or sexual attraction. I can only truly know if someone loves who I am through their actions and by being told and shown actively that I am loved. Because none of these people have shown this. The first kiss I received was from a guy, and as soon as I even said the word “love” the next day and wrote “Love, Diego” and said that I even say “I love you” to best friends who are completely platonic, he felt unsettled by the word “love” and disappeared completely, and I feel super sad just thinking about it, and I really miss him. It feels sad to be unloved. The second guy I made out with and held hands with and helped drive home didn’t even show up on the second date, said nothing for the entire day, and then proceeded to say we “aren’t a good match.” Well at least he responded. And the third guy I went out with said he was going to Rochester next semester, which is where I live, and when I went to see him he said that he wasn’t going to go to Rochester the next semester and that he was staying in Geneva, and I felt annoyed because he lied about how he was going to Geneva the previous day, and then he said “want to cuddle in bed?” He was asking if I wanted to sleep with him on the first date. And he lied and said he didn’t want sex and that he just wanted to cuddle, and I didn’t believe his lie. I said no!!! He wanted to have sex as a closeted person and lived 55 minutes away on the first date and I said no!!! I don’t trust strangers!!! I need to know that you love who I am no matter what before I’m even ready for such a thing! I ended up saying that I love being around the third guy just not in a romantic way. Ugh it seems so far like nobody really loves who I am or respects what I need in terms of dating. I really hope someone does someday, because that would be nice. I need to rethink this whole dating thing. From this day forward right now, before I kiss someone, I need to know that they truly love who I am on the inside, and most importantly, I need to love myself no matter what the circumstances may be.
Sigh
I really need to find meaning and purpose in life… and that begins with unconditional self-love.
Hey Diego, you’re so right that it all begins with self-love. Showing that gentleness, compassion, and tender forgiveness to ourselves (like a father/mother would toward their child) is crucial for attracting genuinely loving people into our lives. I wish you the best of luck with this ❤
Whew!!!! For the longest time, I thought I was going stir crazy. I felt crazy internally. It was the most uncomfortable emotional place I have EVER been in. I have been in this Dark Night of the Soul place since February 22, 2020 but it started February 14, 2020. September is when I felt better. Felt more like myself but not really. Hard to explain. I now know that I was/am having a spiritual awakening. Things tasted different. I picked up bike riding again. I lost 50 pounds. I embraced my natural hair. I embraced who I was previously as compared to who I feel like I am becoming. 2020 has been a clusterfuck but I am positioned to believe that it was a blessing in disguise. I was completely devastated the day the rug was pulled from under me. My sense of security was shaken. I questioned my place on this earth. I literally wanted to die but the universe told me to hold on and that’s exactly what I did. I have my moments when I think back to key moments of 2020 and get sad but I definitely do not want to repeat the year or events. I am thankful to the universe that it saw me through it and kept me here cause so many people didn’t make it this far. Thanks again for this blog/website. It has helped me, a clinical psychologist, tremendously!!!
Thank you for your courage and vulnerability in sharing this, Eboni. Much love and gratitude ♡