You’ve gone through a tremendous spiritual awakening. Your life perspective has changed drastically. You’re no longer the same person you once were a few years ago.
But something has gone horribly wrong.
While others on the spiritual path are reveling in their deep insights, you feel suffocated under the weight of an existential crisis.
While others are busy reconnecting with their meaning of life, you can barely function in a job or even get out of bed to shower.
While others feel a deeper sense of peace and alignment, you feel like you’re on the verge of going crazy or being sucked into the black hole of depression forever.
What on earth has happened?
Is it something you did wrong? Is it because you’re not worthy? Is it because you’re not strong enough?
Answer: NO, not at all. What you are experiencing has nothing to do with your strengths or capabilities.
What you’re experiencing is something called a spiritual emergency. And as we’ll see throughout the rest of this article, it’s a normal process that many people experience during their spiritual paths, and it’s not your fault.
What is a Spiritual Emergency?
The spiritual emergency is a severe crisis an individual may experience after going through a spiritual awakening. Essentially, a spiritual emergency occurs when the spiritual awakening process speeds up so much that it becomes terrifying and destabilizing to the body and mind.
“Spiritual emergency” as a word was first coined Czech psychiatrists Stanislav and Christina Grof and was expanded in the 1989 book Spiritual Emergency: When Personal Transformation Becomes a Crisis. Since then it has increased in popularity, although is still relatively unheard of within mainstream spiritual communities. (I want to change that.)
Spiritual emergencies can happen to anyone at any point in life. Those who are not particularly ‘spiritual’ can experience it just as often as those who are actively engaged on the spiritual path. The common uniting factor is usually that a person undergoes a shock (in the form of illness, family death, major life change, etc.) that triggers the spiritual crisis.
The spiritual emergency can last anywhere from a few days to a number of years. The process is very much dependant on what kind of environment you live in and how supportive vs. unsupportive it is.
15 Signs You’re Experiencing a Spiritual Emergency
Cosmic love is absolutely ruthless and highly indifferent; it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not.
– John Lilly
If you’re going through a spiritual emergency, you have my love and support. This is probably one of the most painful, disorienting, and scary experiences you will ever go through – but please know that it does end, and it is worth going through. (I’ll explore why later.)
Below, you’ll find fifteen signs commonly experienced during spiritual emergencies:
- You find it impossible to cope with everyday tasks (like going shopping, showering, cooking, keeping up with the bills, etc.)
- You can’t hold down a job due to your intense sensitivity
- It feels like your whole world is crumbling around you
- You struggle to sleep properly and may experience night terrors
- Your inner and outer world blur confusingly
- You experience a rollercoaster of emotions
- You may experience strange hallucinations (e.g., images, sounds, physical impressions)
- Your grasp on the real and logical is weak (resulting in psychotic-like symptoms)
- You may believe, at some point, that you’re the reincarnation of enlightened figures like Jesus, Buddha, Mary, etc. (this is called ego-inflation and is a result of Universal Consciousness overlapping with your own personal consciousness)
- You may experience vivid past-life flashbacks
- You feel strange sensations in your body (e.g., vibrations, shivers, heat, burning)
- You’ve developed a medically unexplainable illness
- You experience more synchronicity or meaningful coincidences
- You feel like you’re being sucked into a different dimension or black hole
- You feel like you’re going crazy
Of course, this list is not exhaustive. I’m sure there are many other symptoms out there I’ve forgotten to include, so please share below if you think I’ve missed any.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about the spiritual emergency? In our book The Spiritual Awakening Process, we give more in-depth guidance:
Also, those who work in the mental health field may have a thing or two to say about the above list of symptoms. Yes, it’s true that many of the above symptoms overlap with ‘bipolar disorder,’ ‘manic-depression,’ ‘schizophrenia,’ etc. We’ll explore this important overlap a little later – and what it means for you.
Why Do Spiritual Emergencies Happen?
Honestly, there is no single known reason why spiritual emergencies happen. The cause, I suspect, is unique for everyone.
But here are some explanations:
- It’s your destiny – by experiencing an accelerated spiritual awakening process, you are about to learn some profound lessons, work through a tremendous amount of karma, and transform into the most illuminated version of yourself possible in this lifetime.
- Your conditioning was particularly strong – conditioning meaning the beliefs, ideas, habits, and patterns adopted from your parents and society. To break through these forms of conditioning and dissolve them (so you can experience a conscious ‘upgrade’), you had to undergo a particularly intense spiritual awakening.
- You’re a gifted shaman, priestess, healer, or “walker between worlds” – part of your spiritual awakening process involves connecting you with the forces of the unconscious mind or “spirit realm” which you have not yet learned to navigate (hence why you’re experiencing a spiritual emergency).
- You’re dealing with past karma – in some belief systems it’s believed that we deal with unresolved trauma from our past lives in this lifetime – and that may take the shape of a spiritual emergency to help you purge ancient patterns and develop a ‘clean slate.’
- You’re more sensitive – we all have various levels of sensitivity, and those who undergo a spiritual emergency may be more sensitive and empathic than others. This may explain why the would-be spiritual awakening turns into a spiritual emergency; it’s simply too overwhelming for those already sensitive to life. Again, there is no way of proving this, but it is one theory that you might like to ruminate on.
So which theory are you more inclined to believe? Perhaps you’d like to combine a few of these explanations and discard the rest.
Regardless of what you choose, it’s vital here to stress that it’s important to give your spiritual emergency a purpose. As Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
Are You Experiencing a Spiritual Emergency or Mental Illness?
Breakdowns precede breakthroughs.
– Lee Lozowick
You might be curious to know whether the spiritual emergency is actually just a fancy name for a psychotic break, manic-depressive episode, or other severe mental illness?
This is a tough question to answer as there’s no black or white “yes” or “no.”
Those who undergo spiritual emergencies are often committed to mental health wards – either forcibly or voluntarily. As author Catherine G. Lucas, founder of the UK Spiritual Crisis Network writes:
There are literally thousands of people who have been through the mental health system who have not had the spiritual aspect of their experience honoured. The spiritual dimension has been completely overshadowed by the interpretation given to their experience by the medical model.
These unfortunate individuals have been forcibly injected with high doses of medication, held against their will, shunned by their families, rejected by society, and labeled by the system as pathologically mentally ill.
Although it can be argued that the mental health system (which is a fundamentally flawed institution) is only doing what it knows best, a psychiatric unit isn’t the safest place for a person who is undergoing a spiritual emergency.
Those who don’t end up committed usually buy into the pathologizing perspective of the mental health system – there simply aren’t many other alternatives. They may be diagnosed with a mental illness, instructed to take medication every day to keep their symptoms under check, and shooed away like a herd animal until their prescription expires – and the cycle continues.
While I’m not trying to imply that it’s a good idea to get off your medication if you suspect you’ve undergone a spiritual emergency, it is good to be educated and have more options. Sometimes a small amount of medication is necessary to help prevent complete system shutdown – and that is a blessing the medical world offers us. But it’s not the only solution.
Being ‘Diagnosed’ or Hospitalized During the Spiritual Emergency …
As Lucas writes in her book, the process of being tossed through the medical system can be severely traumatizing and actually prevent us from fulfilling the natural cycle of the spiritual emergency – and reaping its rewards:
Overall, perhaps the greatest danger of ending up in a hospital, and certainly the saddest aspect, is that the opportunity for healing and growth, for living a fuller, richer, more awakened life, can be irretrievably lost. The natural process of renewal, as the psychiatrist John Weir Perry called it, can be totally thwarted. Both the trauma of hospitalisation and the over-use of medication can have this effect. And once the process has been stopped in its tracks it can be difficult, if not impossible, to retrieve.
Furthermore, having our mystical experiences dismissed as being purely ‘psychotic,’ ‘borderline,’ or ‘schizophrenic’ not only denies the spiritual validity of what we’re going through but also adds an unnecessary element of fear and terror to the experience. This fear and terror can be profoundly crippling and can make the whole experience much more difficult than it really needs to be.
Thankfully, there are some in the medical field (typically Jungian and transpersonal therapists who focus on spiritual psychology) who understand the spiritual significance of symptoms that would otherwise be dismissed as “ramblings of a crazy mind.” I encourage you to seek these sorts of professionals out and ask them if they are familiar with the spiritual emergency. You can also visit the spiritual emergence network if you need to find someone close to you.
Roger Walsh, an Australian professor of psychiatry, philosophy, and anthropology, is one such figure in the medical field who validates the spiritual emergency. He calls it the “developmental crisis”:
Developmental crises are periods of psychological stress that accompany turning points in our lives. They may be marked by considerable psychological turmoil, sometimes even of life-threatening proportions. These transitions can occur spontaneously, as in adolescent and midlife crises, or can be induced by growth accelerating techniques such as psychotherapy and meditation. These crises occur because psychological growth rarely proceeds smoothly. Rather, growth is usually marked by periods of confusion and questioning or, in extreme cases, disorganization and despair.
So is it a spiritual emergency or a psychosis?
We need to understand that sometimes experiences can be both/and not either/or. In this situation, you may be experiencing both a spiritual emergency and some form of psychosis – but they shouldn’t be seen as two distinct things.
As Lucas writes, “… I am not interested in trying to distinguish between so-called psychosis and spiritual emergency. I take the view that it is all the psyche’s attempt to heal and move towards wholeness, that each experience is potentially spiritually transformative.”
What you’re going through is valid and you need to seek out those who help you see your spiritual emergency through a positive lens, not a negative one.
Types of Spiritual Emergency
There are two main types of spiritual emergency. They can be classified as:
- Mystical Psychosis (hallucinations, mania, etc.)
- The Dark Night of the Soul (depression)
Historically, we can see Mystical Psychosis play out in figures such as St. Teresa of Avila, Vincent Van Gogh, Nietzsche, and Carl Jung. The Dark Night of the Soul, on the other hand, can be seen in figures such as St. John of the Cross, Eckhart Tolle, and Mother Teresa.
The main difference between these two types of spiritual emergency seems to be the direction in which energy flows.
With Mystical Psychosis, the energy seems to flow upward and beyond into higher realms of Spirit or Consciousness.
On the other hand, with the Dark Night of the Soul, the energy seems to flow downwards and in – or into the realms of the Collective Unconscious and Soul.
It is possible to have a little bit of Mystical Psychosis paired with the Dark Night of the Soul (and vice versa). It’s even possible to have both equally. But most people tend to experience only one type of spiritual emergency.
How to Cope With the Spiritual Emergency
There is a crack, a crack in everything that’s how the light gets in.
– Leonard Cohen
I write “cope” instead of “cure” because the spiritual emergency has a mind of its own. What we’re dealing with here is a force of nature, a Divine movement of energy that cannot be tampered with without adverse effects (such as those stuck in the mental health system carousel).
There is no six-steps-to-happiness process here. I wish there was. I would so love to provide that for you. But that would be disingenuous and disrespectful to the process you’re going through. Perhaps what is most important to take away from this article is that your suffering has a purpose and your experiences are spiritually valid. If there’s anything you remember from this article, I hope it’s this.
While there is no formula for healing, as every journey is different, there are some practices you can try which have helped those on a similar path before you.
Please take these forms of advice very slowly and stop at any time if you feel worse:
1. Stop meditation, practice mindfulness instead
Many people who undergo spiritual emergencies simply cannot tolerate meditation. Why? Meditation can be very dissociating if you’re not grounded strongly in your body. (And those undergoing Mystical Psychosis or the Dark Night struggle to keep their grip on this plane of existence!) Meditation can also open up doorways within the mind and encourage the influx of unconscious material. For a person already being bombarded with images and visions from the deep mind, this can be profoundly destabilizing.
During this difficult time, it’s better to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness means consciously paying attention to the present moment. When we are mindful, we are fully engaged with our body and senses. Tuning into your sense of taste, touch, smell, sight, and hearing can help to bring you back down to earth and your body.
Try to practice mindfulness a little bit every day. Wash the dishes mindfully and feel the cold water against your hands. Hang up the clothes mindfully, and listen to the birds chirping outside. Eat mindfully and notice the different textures and flavors filling your mouth. You get the picture!
2. Seek out earth energy
Try to bring the energy of the earth into your daily life. As you may already know, the earth’s energy is deeply grounding and nourishing. If you need help anchoring yourself into this realm, go outside and dig in the soil. Get your arms elbow-deep in the dirt. Plant some seedlings in your backyard. Take care of a pot plant indoors. Sit underneath a tree and feel the ground underneath your feet. If need be, bring a heavy stone to bed so you can literally become grounded. Ecotherapy is a good avenue to explore.
3. Temporarily stop your spiritual practice
To some, this may sound drastic, but the spiritual emergency isn’t something to be trifled with. It’s important to understand that some types of spiritual practice can intensify Mystical Psychosis and the Dark Night of the Soul. In the interest of your sanity, it might be best to put your practice aside for a while and focus on mundane tasks. If you absolutely cannot do without some form of spiritual nourishment, try earth-centered approaches to spirituality, like spending time in nature. Ultimately, whether you follow this advice or not is up to you and your situation. But definitely consider the possibility that your spiritual practice might be detrimental to your wellbeing right now.
4. Eat hearty food
During the spiritual emergency, it’s tempting to ignore what we eat (simply because we’re too preoccupied or have no energy). But please, try your utmost to eat at least one hearty meal a day. When I say hearty, I mean the food needs to be grounded. Focus on root vegetables like sweet potatoes and beetroots, and organic free-range meat. If you’re vegetarian or vegan, you might consider temporarily changing your diet to include meat – desperate times call for desperate measures!
5. Find the purpose in your suffering
Examine again the five potential reasons why spiritual emergencies happen (see the beginning of the article). Why do you think you’re experiencing a spiritual emergency? Listen to your heart and let the answer emerge. You’ll know you’ve found the truth when you feel full-body shivers, a sense of peace and clarity, or a sudden “aha!” lightbulb moment. If you can’t find any satisfactory explanations mentioned in this article you may like to pray to the Universe/God/whatever to help you find the meaning. This prayer doesn’t have to be religious, it can be spiritual or secular. Simply communicate your intention, and notice any signs that arise in the next week.
6. Exercise (even just for a few minutes)
Depending on your situation, you may like a full-body catharsis (like high interval training) or a gentle activity like walking. Pay attention to your needs. Exercise is vital for mental health and general physical wellbeing. It also connects you with your body and the surrounding world, which is important during the spiritual emergency.
7. Avoid stressful situations and reduce your responsibilities
Stress exacerbates any form of spiritual emergency – this is pretty obvious. Furthermore, holding onto many responsibilities tends to produce stress. If you have many projects or people needing your energy, it might be best to drop the vast majority of them. The spiritual emergency demands your energy and attention, and getting lost in workaholism is a recipe for disaster. So try to simplify what you can and give yourself some breathing space.
8. Seek support
Yes, in the midst of psychosis it might be necessary to be medicated and hospitalized (low doses of medication are generally better than high doses during spiritual emergencies – but I am not a medical professional, so please listen to your own common sense). But generally, if your experience doesn’t require 24/7 observation, it’s best to seek out a therapist or spiritual counselor who is familiar with the notion of spiritual emergencies.
Above I recommended transpersonal and Jungian therapists (but please do your research and ask them if they know about spiritual emergencies). This is a great option, and you can visit the Spiritual Emergence Network to see if any are near you or just do a google search and include the name of your city. If worse comes to worst and you can’t find any within a reasonable distance, you can always try a religious chaplain, community mental health center, or online Skype sessions.
Why am I not recommending the support of friends or family members? The reasons why is because usually those close to us have no understanding of the spiritual emergency and tend to be negatively conditioned by medical institutions. In other words, it’s much more likely that they’ll get spooked by your experience (as they’re comparing it to the “old” you) and actually invalidate the experience rather than validate it. This is not a hard and fast rule, and some friends or family members are mature and may have gone through similar experiences. So try to use your gut instinct when making a decision, and above all, put your wellbeing first.
Most importantly, do not let anyone try to convince you that what you’re going through is purely a product of mental illness or that your visions/insights are “irrelevant.” Denying the spiritual element of what you’re going through is monumentally short-sighted and detrimental to your wellbeing. You have the right to honor your experience and find meaning in it, as indeed it is meaningful.
The Spiritual Emergency is a Sacred Process
When all is said and done, this spiritual emergency may be terrifyingly life-altering, but it is a sacred process of clearing out the old and welcoming in the new.
While the medical world may pathologize you and the mundane world may reject you, you are not crazy. You are not alone. And your experiences do have profound spiritual meaning.
Take care of yourself, dear soul. You are doing the best that you can, and you are so courageous for walking this path. Thank you for your unfathomable bravery.
i’m really really grateful for this website
Thank you
You guys are doing just fine. We are with you.
I have only just read this article after gmail dumped it in the spam.
I am going through a terrible time at the moment. In fact, at times the experience is so intense I just want to die. It feels like my mind is cracking open to reveal that this world is just an illusion and everyone in it is participating unwarily in a dream. It is all a dream. What is even more frightening is that often my home doesn’t feel like home anymore, and the people in my family are not really my family at all. I was sat in a hospital clinic today, and the pressure in my head was making it all feel like a dream. I went out on the street, and it was still a dream. Everyone was living in a dreamworld and they didn’t even know it and would angrily deny it. I have to be honest, I seriously considered suicide over the weekend, because I see this ‘thing’ as a threat to my continued existence anyway. I feel that at some point, the feelings will become so intense that I will frighten my family to the point that I will be ‘sectioned’ (placed in a mental institution). Now please, I mean no disrespect in what I am about to say, but I believe a lot of ‘gurus’ and ‘experts’ are sugar coating this ‘ascension’, perhaps for their own ends to make money. I still believe it could be evil. For what is the point in fucking with my mind so much that I have to be put on anti-depressants? Really, what purpose does that serve? What purpose does it serve for me to be turned into some crazy person that scares the shit out of others? Or one that has to take painkillers to feel ‘normal’ again? And if this is the work of ‘Spirit’ or ‘Source’ or whatever the fuck one chooses to call it, why is there ZERO support? I tell you what, today was fucking awful, and I cant hold it together for much longer.
Paul, you’re clearly in a lot of mental/emotional pain, hence the other abusive comments posted here in the comments section which I’ve had to remove (“fuck off” etc.). If you believe this process is “evil” it’s not my place to argue you out of that belief, for that would further reinforce your hatred toward what’s happening. I doubt I could say anything that would not be met with some kind of rage, however, I hope you find some clarity and peace on this path. There is zero support because few people know about or understand the spiritual emergency, but this website does attempt to provide support where it’s otherwise lacking. Peace.
P.S. One option you could look into is the Spiritual Emergence Network which could help you through this process. There is also a documentary called Crazy Wise that follows a schizophrenic man who has undergone an extreme spiritual emergency – he deals with issues such as rage, depression, anxiety, psychosis, etc. I hope that helps. <3
I have energies flowing through me every day. They make me feel muzzy -headed and tired, and often they make me feel ill. I did not encourage them, I was doing no ‘eastern’ spiritual practices (I am Catholic) yet this thing forced itself on me and now I feel that my whole world is crumbling. Perversely, I have now lost my connection to God. I dont feel that God is there anymore. The energies just keep flowing, in through my head and out through my hands and feet. Sometimes I have to take my shoes off because the energy can back up leaving me feeling very uncomfortable. So thats why I get angry and abusive.
…As well as all this, the ‘vibrational level’ is affecting family members and pets. It is causing indigestion, sickness and odd mental behaviours, and it causes periodic vomiting in my dogs, two of which have died since this evil ‘ascension’ began. I regularly go through a cycle where I will get sick on a Tuesday or Wednesday and then recover on Friday. I experience constant mental fog, and went through a strange experience last week where my hip replacement felt painful and sore just as it did after it had been operated on in 2005. It is now back to normal, but I nearly went to A&E because of it.
Sick of this shit. Sick, sick sick of it. I may as well hibernate because Christmas is going to be as shit as everything else. I cant drink ANY alcohol now, and my diet is gradually being whittled down to nothing. I am starting to wonder if theres much point me being alive anymore. And then theres you fucking people with your woo-woo shit. Oh yes, Ascension is really happening, and it is a horror show, but you people make it impossible to discuss with you new age horseshit. I come on here to verbally abuse you because I need someone to vent at. In reality, Im fucking terrified, and goading you into a response is the only way I can gain your attention. Please believe me, this ‘Ascension’ is BAD, and it will cost people their lives. Who knows how many people have already committed suicide for mistakenly believing they are in the throes of schizophrenia or mental breakdown when it was this shit?
This is why I like you guys. Yes, this has been my experience. “Those close to us . . .
tend to be negatively conditioned by medical institutions.” You’re being very polite.
I could tell you a horror story about this. I don’t go near hospitals or “professionals”
anymore. The meds are poison.
Thank you for this info. Genuine and reassuring.
This was an excellent read it is exactly how I feel and what I’m experiencing right now. My spiritual emergency started on
5-4-2019 until today. But I didn’t know what is was. I’m still in a mental institution but now I that know what it is that I’m experiencing I can start recovery immediately. Thank you so much for opening my eyes of understanding of myself Luna.
Luis, I’m so glad you now have an alternative explanation and can start your recovery process now. <3 Thank you for commenting
Aletheia Luna, I had another question actually. When do you know that the spiritual emergency has passed? I mean if we shouldnt be busy spiritually then how do we know when the right time is to start again? Im sorry my inner compass is alittle out of touch so everything seems scary and meaningless. I just want to regain the feeling of meaning of life again aloot of love to you♥️
Hi Patrycja. You’ll know when the spiritual emergency has ended (or is coming to an end) when you start to feel more grounded in the world (in the case of mystical psychosis) or a sense of more inner lightness and connectedness with the Divine (in the case of the dark night). It’s not that you shouldn’t be spiritually active, it’s just a suggestion, not a rule. You’re welcome to try some kind of gentle spiritual practice and keep that up each day if it helps you to regain a sense of meaning. <3
Thank you Aletheia for everything. I wish one day I could be helping people like you do!!
Where does DOUBT come into play? For me, the main issue is that life has never worked the way, at least, the way it seems to do for everybody else; at least that’s the perception. No matter what brick wall I bang my head against, nothing “works”. So consequently, I’ve doubted the Process, the Path, God, faith, religion, education, other people and their motives, society norms, common wisdom and/or advice, often myself or doubting my own inner “guidance”. So the one question that is constantly present in my consciousness is “No matter what I do, why does EVERYTHING always have to be so %$#@! hard!!??”
It seems we all have our inner struggles and shadows – and yours is perhaps a lack of faith/trust (if doubt is an issue that continually comes up). Doubt is closely linked with the Dark Night, because if we feel fundamentally disconnected with the Divine, what is there to believe in or ultimately trust? If we are severed from our soul, why believe in our innate strength and abilities? Doubt is a multi-layered emotion that can stem from multiple issues (depending on your perspective, that could be limiting beliefs, dysfunctional inner subpersonalities, childhood trauma, soul loss, past life issues, etc.). Have you tried actively working through any/all of these approaches?
Thank you for this, it is timely. I have been tormented and I think borderline psychotic and in spite of medication have been unable to sleep some nights. I feel there are layers being peeled off me as I process layers of pain and my life comes into perspective. Mindfulness has been my best friend and I keep grounded actively outdoors and by breeding ragdoll cats. I am unable to meditate but find creative projects, painting and such, a suitable type of calming and restoring outlet. My relationships are suffering and yet my pain has always been due to relationship issues. I have experienced evil in the medical system. I am tired of coping with such a life and seek healing and transcendence over suffering and its hold on me.
Shelley, thank you for opening up here and sharing a bit about your path and journey with the spiritual emergency. I’m glad you’ve at least found some strategies that work for you like mindfulness, going outdoors, and painting. Hopefully this article has provided you with a few more options, if you feel the need to try something else. <3
PER-SOUL-NAL:
BEEN IN ~HOSPITAL -> [AGAIN}! Thus, I AM a ‘little bit’ L_A_T_E!
w/THIS! btw: –> [nal – nal’oa] Is the Tibetan Word for ‘THE NATURAL FLOW’ – i.e. of : life-energy/NRG/’the “Force” ( I know but the flix just KEEP COMING OUT!….really!
I would suspect that you two/2 of ALL would ‘get it’ – so w/o further A’DIEU! …is it! – Having just had my own 11/11/from 51 to 2019 recently! – I wish you BOTH a VERY HAPPY & AUSPICIOUS/PROPITIOUS & FORTUITOUS ‘ANNIVERSARY’ filled w/ TRUE LIGHT/COMPASSION (both ways)/ HOPE/JOY/
SERENDIPITY AND! ALTAMIRAGE
…More! WILL BE Revealed!
NAMGYAL LAMA
Thank you, Namgyal. :) Lots of love!
Thank u 4 trying 2 help me but the thing is what I’m going thru now is what I have always known my whole life I know it sounds arrogant, egotistical, whatever but it’s just pain I feel now no hope, i don’t know how else 2 describe it but I have tried 2 be a good person, be true 2 myself ,be kind 2 others, trying 2 be honest + have integrity in everything I do but 4 what???? Please tell me… cause I have lost so much faith in not only humans but the universe 2, it feels like I have been in existential crisis my whole life + now all i feel + see is pain,just pain, I get it…. it’s part of the process, but when does it STOP?!?! cause this has been my whole life + I’ve always known that being rich or beautiful or all the other material things never have mattered in life but still I suffer, maybe I do deserve this + again I’m sorry 2 be such a downer but I don’t believe what people tell me anymore even when I still want 2 know why there is pain because it’s people who have caused me all this pain good luck 2 everyone else on ur journey, I envy u all so much 4 ur faith in the universe or whatever u believe in I really do
Excellent and very informative article; I’ve already shared it with 2 people! My only comcern is the recommendation to eat meat. I don’t think violating ahimsa is a healthy thing to do, esp as one is growing toward enlightenment. There are plenty of grounding foods that do not require someone else’s suffering. Thank you for your teachings
I agree with this comment regarding not eating meat, sentient beings want to live and when we eat them we take the life of someone who did not want to die. I have to comment on this because I promised to always speak up for animals. They do have ‘voices’ themselves, but most people can’t hear them.
E, if you feel nothing but pain and if it’s too much (and you don’t see it as a possibility for it to end) it might be worth considering medication as a pathway. Many people (particularly in the holistic/spiritual field) are sternly against medicine, but in my perspective, we sometimes need both paths. Medication, for example, might help to make that pain manageable (it certainly helped me at extreme points during my crisis). Otherwise, if you’re not interested, I recommend plant medicine as a last resort (however, I’m not a medical professional, so you should seek advice especially if you have a pre-existing mental health condition). Plants such as ayahuasca, psilocybin, and even cannabis (when done with mindfulness and intention) can help tremendously.
Dear Luna and Sol
I have read every single article of yours. I can not even begin to tell you how much you people have helped me to cope with time when no one was ready to understand. You guys have been my saviour. Thank you for everything. Unable to buy any of your books right now, but I am going to buy them all as soon as I become able. It is going to be the first thing I will do.. I will gift myself all those books. I wish I could get to meet you guys in this lifetime and observe you people in person. Thanks again. With love.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt words, Avani. <3 And who knows, maybe our paths will meet?
I’ve been in this “darkness” as i call it for almost a year now. It happened gradually and suddenly my whole reality was turned upside down. I started having mild hallucinations, concentration problems, disorientation, confusion , intense anxiety and depression all the time and i didn’t recognize myself anymore. It feels like i’m crazy and i don’t know what reality is like anymore. I feel like this atricle helped me understand more in all this confusion that i’m not crazy and that this happens for a reason. I thought this was the end of my life when it happened, but i just can’t give up becuase i know i have a great purpose to furfil and i will make it through this hell. Thank you :)
Mathias, thank you for letting me know how this article helped you in this dark time. Sometimes all we need in such confusion and disorientation is a simple word or concept to anchor ourselves. <3
Thank you, just when I need the answer. Live free.
:)
I’ve always been too shy to post on any of the articles on this amazing site but I just had to. I felt called to. I am currently going through a spiritual emergency/mystical psychosis. It all became so much for me to bear that I ended up in a mental institution twice. I felt like I was going crazy but at the same time, somewhere deep inside myself I always deeply knew that I wasn’t crazy. This article came at a much needed time in my life. I feel like crying while I’m writing this because this helps validate my experience. I kept going between crazy and not crazy. I don’t want to go into too much detail regarding my spiritual awakening but I just can’t help but feel tears of happiness after reading this article. Thank you so very much Luna. Your writing and your kind words have honestly helped me out tremendously. I cannot be thankful enough. I hope others who are going through this find this article like I did. Much love to you and to anyone else who reads this and feels similarly. Please know you are not alone and your feelings/experiences are so valid.
Leslie, thank you so much for your courage and vulnerability in posting here. <3 It means a lot to me to know how much this article has helped to validate your experience. Hopefully more and more people learn about this crucial topic and experience <3 Having a word to define what we're going through is so simple yet so important. Many blessings for your journey!
Dear Leslie, thank you so much for this comment. I can relate to this:”I felt like I was going crazy but somewhere deep inside I always knew that I was not crazy”.
That deeper knowing is our real being and feeling that we are going crazy is our mind telling us that “there is something wrong with us”.
I realised that after years of my spiritual emergency and many challenges I had to face.
After few years of desperate searching and trying to find answers I could recognize with no doubt what was my real inner being telling me and what was my mind “replying” ( usually very disturbing comments about how I have a mental illness and how I am going crazy)
That’s why we have feeling of “going crazy” , because we sense our real, true being deep under the layers of mind structures, but mind is not giving up because the main “job” of the mind is to “protect” us from unknown and “dangerous”.
What helped me to quiet down my mind was reading a lot about spirituality and psychology, doing yoga every day, sometimes twice a day.
And yes, we are not alone, there are many of us who went through this.
What after spiritual awakening
It’s a continual process that deepens – there is no stagnant or static destination. Awakening opens more and more of your being up. You can read more in our self-realization article and spiritual awakening article. :)
Hi Luna! Thank you so much for this article, it resonated so much with me. I have so much to say on this topic, but I will try to keep it as short as possible (sometimes I can go off on tangents, and it can get pretty long!).
After suffering through horrible, debilitating depression, panic and anxiety, and anorexia for years and years, I finally got to the point where I had to make a decision: I simply cannot go on this way, what am I going to do? All the doctors and medication and therapy sessions aren’t helping me to move forward and change for the better. So will I finally just “give up” on life (suicide), or will I set aside all my fears and just face everything head on? Stop the avoidance behaviors which had protected me for so long, and just “be”. Just allow everything to come to the surface, and deal with it as it comes? I chose the latter, and for the first quite a few years, I truly felt that I was actually going crazy, because nothing made any sense to me anymore. Everything I thought I believed, I realized had been spoon-fed to me through my parents, society, the media, etc. Who was I, really?
As I had this realization that I really didn’t know, I was thrust into “The Dark Night of the Soul”, which is hugely different than “depression”. I felt like I had been thrown into a pit of darkness, and I was falling so fast I could hear the wind rushing past my ears so loudly! It is hard to describe, but even though I was profoundly shaken and terrified, at my core I felt that everything was going to be ok.
It has been some years since all of this, and I have grown and evolved so much. I am no longer in that same dark place, I am stronger and more at peace now. I have to say, though, that I am no longer the person that I used to be. I am becoming (remembering) who I really am, and I know that this world is the school that I am learning the profound lessons I need to learn to evolve my consciousness forward.
I feel so validated by reading this article, and also by reading the comments of others who resonate with it.
May we all continue ahead on our journey!
thank you for sharing this, Christine. Your words are comforting and your story is inspiring to those who may be undergoing a spiritual emergency right now. What a journey you’ve had! Thank you so much for opening up here. <3