The only way to get over the pain is to face it, embrace it, hug it and learn the lessons embedded within it.
― Adele Theron
All of us, in some way or another, have experienced the stab of rejection, betrayal, neglect, bullying, and even humiliation at the hands of another.
But at what point does being emotionally hurt turn into becoming emotionally traumatized?
Table of contents
What is Emotional Trauma?
Emotional trauma occurs when you are exposed to a situation that is so extreme (e.g., horrendous betrayal from a loved one, the suicide of someone, etc.) that the body, heart, and mind struggle to handle the intense emotions that come with such a shocking experience.
As a result, the body-mind system tends to enter a freeze state, which is characterized by feelings of numbness, dissociation from reality, and the sudden or eventual appearance of intense symptoms like chronic anxiety, depression, addictions, PTSD, or other life-disrupting patterns.
Emotional trauma can also happen due to ongoing situations, such as being bullied, being trapped in an environment (such as in childhood) in which your sense of self-worth was destroyed or diminished, being repeatedly betrayed, treated cruelly, judged negatively, made fun of, and so on.
Experiencing abandonment trauma as a child is also a widespread form of emotional trauma.
Four Components of Trauma
Trauma is not what happens to us. But what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.
— Peter A Levine, PhD
According to psychotherapist and pioneer of Somatic Experiencing®, Peter Levine, there are four aspects of trauma that will be present, in some way, in all traumatized people:
- Hyperarousal (i.e., being overly alert and on guard)
- Constriction (i.e., tense body)
- Dissociation (i.e., disconnection from the here and now)
- Freezing (immobility), associated with the feeling of helplessness
I’ll be using these four components of trauma as a basis for the emotional trauma test below.
Emotional Trauma, Inner Work, and Spiritual Wellbeing
Discovering our level of emotional trauma is a crucial part of inner work, which is:
… the psychological and spiritual practice of diving deep into your inner self for the purposes of self-exploration, self-understanding, healing, and spiritual transformation.
When we work to heal, resolve, or integrate the emotional trauma we carry, a tremendous amount of inner energy is freed up, which allows us to grow and blossom in unimaginably beautiful and profound ways.
Healing emotional trauma, therefore, is a vital part of our awakening journeys of Soul Work as lone wolves and seekers of our true path in life.
We often embark on this healing quest in stages five and six of the spiritual wanderer’s journey.
Emotional Trauma Test
Healing doesn’t mean the pain never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.
– K. Salmansohn
The free emotional trauma test below isn’t meant to ‘diagnose’ you in any way. It’s simply a tool you can use to shed more light on your inner landscape.
Please use this test simply as a doorway to introspection and further action, not as a set-in-stone analysis of your character or what happened in your life.
Whatever result you get is not the absolute truth, and if you feel like it’s wrong, that is totally fine, because it might be!
Trust in your gut and your inner knowing above all else – this test only attempts (in an imperfect way) to provide you with some potential insight and healing pathways.
If, at any point, you feel uncomfortable during the process of taking this test, please step away, seek out support, grounding, and centeredness immediately. Only return to this test when you feel safe inside.
What did you get?
If you’re comfortable, I welcome you to share your results in the comments. You never know who might feel comforted by your words or presence.
Need more help? See my popular Self-Love Journal, Inner Child Work, and Healing the Mother Wound Journals if you’d like some compassionate support for working through these wounds.
I scored medium but suspect due to my uncertainty on a couple of the questions, could have been more in the medium to high level.
Thanks for sharing this Jessica 👍
Medium level. 13 months ago I left a 43 yr marriage. As a empath I devoted everything I had towards fixing him and people pleasing. I lost all sense of myself. I have been on a self discovery journey since and while I am grateful for every opportunity to grow and learn….it has been a roller coaster ride. Some days I feel strong and empowered and within a few short days I am back to old behavior patterns ( shadows- fears of abandonment, self sabotage, over giving, no boundaries) . I am slowly gaining awareness. Identifying what I am feeling is an enormous challenge which hampers my ability to reparent myself effectively. Spending time alone in silence feels safe but also just being with myself and not DOING something is really difficult. I am trying to spend 30 minutes a day just sitting with myself. It is a huge struggle to not think of 101 things I could be doing which would create an illusion of value. Patience is also not a well developed tool …..again I am slowly becoming aware and trying to let that be enough for this moment. Thank you for the free quizzes and the essays you graciously share!
A therapist I once visited told me that trauma is best healed by taking the “slow and deep route.” That means it takes one tiny, small, slow, step at a time to often get to a better place. May you find all the healing and wholeness that is your birthright, Sandi 💜
Hi Aletheia,
This quiz hit the mark on so many terrible things that I’ve struggled with from constant abuse from childhood into adulthood and beyond. How parents can hate and abuse one child who stays below the radar and dote and praise siblings who are truly despicable (the male sibling killed someone and got away with it, the female sibling was the biggest liar/slut/bitch ever. They were the parents darlings. I was the embarrassment, beaten, stolen from, abused verbally, mentally and physically. I’ve got to tell you when the parents died I felt such a relief and weight off my shoulders I was scary. I’ve estranged myself from all family, they mean less than nothing to me. However, I still fear that they will find out where I live and show up to cause trouble. My husband is no better, he is a spinless coward, and has told me he can’t stand up for me in the event something should happen. I’ve left him once already, I have no where else to go. He’s useless, lazy and tells me my liberal mind and thinking will get me killed. So to hell with him as well. Thank you and Mateo for being here to offer and give us who need you the strength to carry on. Without your email blasts , I truly don’t think I would be here any longer. I love both of you and I am tremendously grateful for your advice and vision. You’ve been there, too. Thank you again!
XOXO Janet Horwith
High level trauma – I think reading the comments and the fact that this community exists helps me have perspective. Often, really, really often I sink into my situation which has been and will be harder this year. Realising I’m not alone has helped. Thank you. I wish us all peace and the will to do the work to get there. ♥️🙏🏻
That is one of the benefits of this little community here – it is a way of reminding you that you’re not as alone with your struggles as you think. I wish the same for you and all people 💜 Thank you for being here, Claudia!
Hi! Low level of trauma. However, I’d like to share that there’s war in my country, and I left my narcissistic/alcoholic ex about a year and half ago. Also he came back and attacked for a couple of months, but was blocked. Well, there are two states of me now. In power as I am now, and in some waves of pain, which I happily can cry out. And it’s not happiness at all. It’s about not finding yourself on the side of the road in your own shit someday. There’s still a lot to process, but the main enemy (all the toxic people including parents) exposed. Thanks Luna and Sol for supporting me for four years now. I’m just one of those who got away. I wish you all the best. Keep fighting for yourself, there is justice, and somewhere there is peace of mind.
Thank you for your vulnerability, Dana. It’s an honor to walk this path with you for so many years. May you, those in your country suffering the effects of war trauma, and all beings find healing, peace, and freedom 💜
High Level of Emotional Trauma
Appreciate you sharing this Steve
Re the ‘trauma’ quiz, I agree with the result it produced. The gist is that altho I have some degree of emotional hurt (don’t we all?) I don’t likely have real lingering trauma. Yes, that’s probably typical of most people… at least of my generation (‘boomer’). So– keep on keeping on, folks.
Thanks for sharing, Yannik. :)
High level of emotional trauma. Never had a loving family, abused, bullied, lonely, ‘too sensitive’, mocked, my share of inheritance stolen from my manipulative brother and sister-in-law, better off on my own as let down constantly by people, only trust my children now and hardly leave the house, that’s just the way it is for me now and I’m more content that way.
Sorry to hear this, Issy. May you find peace and healing ♡
I’m gay so obviously I got high trauma levels
Big hug!
It isn’t allowing me to post my own comment, so I went ahead and posted here. On a few of the questions, I could answer with two: for example, if they hurt me by saying something mean, I would tell myself to never share with them again, but also remind myself that they are having a bad day or a painful moment. I got 10/10
High Level of Emotional Trauma
Appreciate you sharing, Karen.
Same here