So much has been written on the topic of thriving as an empath.
Many articles and columns have been released on how to “survive” as a sensitive person susceptible to absorbing other’s energy. These articles mention techniques such as “blocking,” “shielding” and “protecting” oneself from others. Unfortunately, this approach unknowingly harnesses the language of victimhood and weakness.
As I’ve mentioned in a previous article, shielding and blocking yourself off from others is not only a misguided technique, but it is also detrimental to your well-being. As an empath, I’ve actually tried these techniques many times, but they created more harm and stress than good. For others, creating barriers was the only defense available. I completely understand this: what else are you supposed to do when you feel bombarded, murky, sick and imbalanced?
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Today, I want to challenge these commonly prescribed techniques. While I personally believe that there are many positive complementary techniques out there that help to reduce your stress as an empath, I believe the following technique is the single most important one you can learn.
It goes like this:
Surrender —> Observe —> Accept —> Release
I abbreviate this technique to: SOAR.
The word “SOAR” nicely doubles to mean “to fly or transcend.” You can soar far above the darkness and emotional congestion you experience as an empath. We’ll find out how below.
Your Empathic Abilities Don’t Have to Be a Curse
Aren’t you sick of being told that sensitivity is a weakness? In reality, it is sensitivity that allows us to experience a life of depth. It is sensitivity that allows us to listen to our deepest needs and dreams. It is sensitivity that allows us to be of service to others. It is sensitivity that permits us to perceive the intricate beauty and divinity of life.
To the untrained empath, empathic abilities equal incessant pain, muddy confusion and rollercoaster emotions. But they don’t have to.
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SOAR is a technique I created, but on the other hand, didn’t really create. Inspired by zen philosophy and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), SOAR is very much a way of life. Thus, it is not just a slap-and-dash technique that can be easily plastered over pain: it requires practice, persistence and hella willpower! Thankfully, we all possess this.
S.O.A.R Broken Down
SOAR can be broken down in the following way:
Surrender — Relax your body. Take a deep breath in. Consciously surrender to whatever tension or discomfort you are feeling without fighting it. Feel the emotions within you. Before surrendering, it helps to first clearly identify what you are feeling, e.g. lethargy, anger, muscle tension, melancholy, fear.
Observe — Allow yourself to purely feel the emotions within you, without judgment. What do they look like, sound like, taste like or even smell like? Use your senses to build a tangible image of them. For example, the anxiety within you may feel like a wet, swampy puddle oozing through your core. Or the overwhelming sensation of clashing energy may look like fierce red fireworks. Remember: observe these emotions without becoming attached to them. Of course, this is easier said than done (and a whole book could be written on this topic, which I’m considering!). Simply allow the feelings to rise and flow, like the ocean’s tides.
Accept — As you observe the emotions and sensations within you, accept them. Don’t resist them. Welcome them as temporary sojourners in the temple of your body. Soon they will leave. Nothing ever remains. Remember that.
Release — As you go through the gentle motions of surrender, observation and acceptance, you will eventually sense the feelings dissipating. While very intense and jammed away emotions can return again, don’t let this stress you out. Go through each of these steps again as many times as you need.
SOAR is a technique that must be practiced like meditation first, and a moment-to-moment experience later. Set aside a few minutes every day (such as in your lunch break at work), and focus on calming and relaxing yourself. There are so many ways you can do this, e.g. through visualization, focusing on your breath, walking on grass, humming, listening to music, etc.
It is imperative that you learn a self-soothing practice that appeals to you. Without centering yourself, you won’t have much success with the rest of the steps.
Below I will provide a simple transcript of what SOAR practice is like in action:
I’m feeling sick and anxious today. So many people are walking around me, talking loudly, laughing, gossiping, demanding and brimming with nervous vibes. I’ve got to take a break. My tea break is soon, thank god. I will focus on deepening my breath for the mean time.
[Tea break]
I feel tired and have this angry, impatient vibe in me. I’ll now take a deep breath in and out. I’ll feel the grass beneath my feet and the wind on my face. I’ll centre myself in nature.
[10 minutes pass]
I’m feeling more grounded now. But I have this lurking restlessness in me. It tastes bitter and looks like an ominous storm cloud. I will watch it. It is here, but I will allow it to be here. I feel it in my stomach, neck and shoulders, but I will allow it to be there. I will watch it. As I remain grounded in nature, I am watching it. I am accepting it as it is. It is here, but I am not fighting it.
[More minutes pass]
All my attention is going into feeling and consciously experiencing this emotion as it is. No more, no less. I am present with this uncomfortable feeling. I can feel it slipping away. I can feel it leave my body as it meets the light of my consciousness. It is fading away.
Tips
Experiment with SOAR. Above I vocalized the transcript as if someone had internally, and you may like to try that as well. On the other hand, you may like to simply focus on fulfilling each step wordlessly.
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Remember, the purpose of this technique is essentially the development of mindfulness, non-attachment, and non-resistance. Therefore, you don’t need to rigidly follow this step-by-step process. Instead, aim to let it flow naturally from you. Whenever any emotion is met with conscious acceptance and non-attachment, it passes away. Us empaths suffer so much because we are in the habit of unconsciously resisting and attaching to everything that we absorb.
If you want to learn more about the SOAR technique and access guided MP3’s to help you through the process, check out our Empath book.
Over to you …
Try experimenting with SOAR for one week. Be patient. This technique requires serious dedication and effort. But I hope that what I’ve provided you in this article can inspire some deep change towards your approach to your empathic abilities. Yes, they can be honed and mastered. And thankfully they can become a source of strength for you, rather than a weakness.
What is your relationship with your empathic abilities? Please share … I’m sure we’ll all be able to benefit!
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This article has helped me so much! I just reasently found out that I am an empath, before I knew I was always so confused as to why I was always so flustered when I went out places and why the littlest of sounds could have made me feel completely turned. Using the soar technique has helped me be able to process the overwhelming emotions from when I’m arohnd others. Thank you so much.
I am 14 and I was told that i am an empath like my older sister i know this because after i moved into my sisters house i constantly thought ‘go to the creek lady in the creek’ i gave in and saw a lady i ran home panicing but decided to talk to my sister who said that our cousin drowned in the creek two years before i was born after i described the lady i wish i knew how to control my powers because after that day i constantly think ‘go to the creek’
Do crystals help empaths in anyway , bc this empath thing is new to me….. I feel everyone and I get tired way to easily! I need to find answers ! I tried asking the lady at the crystal store n she didn’t know anything about empaths either
I always knew I was empathic, but it was not so critical that I learn to deal with it – until it made me physically ill and I ended up in the ER with super high heart rate and blood pressure after a particularly intense 3 days at my daughter’s house. I am the calm in the storm for many people. I feel as though I literally take the burden from them and carry it myself.
In desperation I began researching but nothing felt right. I read about crystals and protection but kept searching for something that rang true. It is touched on here: the aspect of letting it pass through you. What I came back to is my faith, my connection to Higher Power, my relationship with God.
Each of us finds his own way. One person’s path is different from another’s. But our human condition we all have in common. We all struggle.
So you have helped me develop a prayer ritual of letting go. Other people’s burdens are not mine. They belong to God. For me, it is important to acknowledge that the power is not mine, but His. I am just a conduit. On earth, He has no hands but ours.
“My peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I give not as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled. Do not be afraid.”
Thank you for this article. It is reassuring to know there are other people like me. When I pray for peace, I will remember empths who literally feel the pain of this world.
Your description of taking on others “burdens” is intriguing to myself. I have often called myself the world’s whipping boy. Seems I always get my ass kicked even if I’m on the right path. I personally learned that IT IS MY PLACE to carry others burdens, because they can’t carry them anymore after meeting me. Its not necessarily a good thing but not a bad thing either I feel. It used to be involuntary. But experimentation and looking inward I discovered I am at peace with this and its just part of my empathic talent. Not gift not curse but talent.
I feel so disconnected from myself, an observer of me trying to act “normal”. At least my normal which is shifting into a depressive outlook of physical pain and emotional wildfire, while trying to remind myself that this connection to all this toxic feeling can be used simply as connection to which we all have to acknowledge if we are to continue on in harmony..it’s hard to pull out of the muck. , even knowing that it is not my stuff or originating from me is where I believe soar will help .. having conversations with other empaths validates that there is something big going on we all feel similar.. so flip from overwhelming to the fact that we have connection, we are all single drops in the ocean..
I have been looking for some kind of technique for this, however I feel my main problem stems from one particular individual who, very like a psychic vampire, feels the need to force their bad emotions on everyone around them. Im hoping this helps me, but any advice is greatly appreciated.
I know the feeling Christine. The problem lies in expecting and desiring this person to behave differently. In other word, wanting them to be different is a way of wasting your own energy. You’ll be much better off accepting the situation while taking creative steps to keep this person’s impact on you minimal (such as reducing contact, understanding their hidden source of pain, breathing deeply etc.). It’s not other people who cause us pain, but our expectations, desires, and judgements of those other people.
“protecting and blocking yourself off from others is not only a useless technique”. did you mean USEFUL and not USELESS?
I’m so thankful of the recent events that forced me to acknowledge my gifts again. I have had them so repressed because I didn’t know anyone else like me. So, with this shift in the Universe, I was in the middle of a nervous breakdown and had lost my identity and had no sense of time or reality. It was tough but I can see now that ignoring my senses all the while knowing what people are up to and absorbing all the negativity, not having a clue as to how I protect myself, it drove me insane to the point of maybe never being as sane again. However it’s from this experience that all my senses became heightened and I am aware again of the sensitivity I have to the world. I ashamed to say I have.omly used them for myself as a means of survival and I finally realize what gifts I hold and am
gonna use them to help others. I have studying to do.
Nope, she means useless!
Thanks for this. I am working on opening back up. I used to be more feeling when I was younger and around less people and crowds but I suddenly realized recently that I have put up walls and stopped feeling as much. I am still able to get feelings, emotions and intention from a few friends and a couple of people from work but I would like to learn to get back in touch with my empathic ability. I am sure this will help me on my way
This is such a powerful technique! The more simple ones are the most transcendent. Sometimes so difficult to grasp because its apparent simplicity.
Like you say, is very important to be centered first! A lot of times this kind of techniques are discarded because the inability to even start to doing it. You have to put your attention and conscious energy to achieve something.
Very true Mati! You really have to dedicate a lot of conscious effort before attempting SOAR. It’s basically like learning an entire new skill set, almost like a language, or sport. Those who persist, succeed.
:)!
Hello, could you please share the electric massage device + the ghua sha massager you use ? The Links do not work and I exactly experience a lot of tension in my body + mostly head and neck. I would love to use such tools to help me reduce the chronic tensions I have. Thank you so much in advance, warm regards, Cécile
Empathy inside an isolated bubble is dangerous. Karl Marx did it with his ideological warfare which devastated the world past 100 years. Deja Vu: I found a big red korean phone in the cart under the butt plate at Trader Joe’s this morning. The owner is probably a mother with a young child who got distracted. I turned it over to the manger’s desk. This is my weekly good samaritan exercise by default. The “reward” is VALIDATION. Giving offers more joy than taking. Receiving kindness is a blessing. That is Buddha’s teaching: We come alone, and we leave alone. The journey is yours to learn.