So much has been written on the topic of thriving as an empath.
Many articles and columns have been released on how to “survive” as a sensitive person susceptible to absorbing other’s energy. These articles mention techniques such as “blocking,” “shielding” and “protecting” oneself from others. Unfortunately, this approach unknowingly harnesses the language of victimhood and weakness.
As I’ve mentioned in a previous article, shielding and blocking yourself off from others is not only a misguided technique, but it is also detrimental to your well-being. As an empath, I’ve actually tried these techniques many times, but they created more harm and stress than good. For others, creating barriers was the only defense available. I completely understand this: what else are you supposed to do when you feel bombarded, murky, sick and imbalanced?
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Today, I want to challenge these commonly prescribed techniques. While I personally believe that there are many positive complementary techniques out there that help to reduce your stress as an empath, I believe the following technique is the single most important one you can learn.
It goes like this:
Surrender —> Observe —> Accept —> Release
I abbreviate this technique to: SOAR.
The word “SOAR” nicely doubles to mean “to fly or transcend.” You can soar far above the darkness and emotional congestion you experience as an empath. We’ll find out how below.
Your Empathic Abilities Don’t Have to Be a Curse
Aren’t you sick of being told that sensitivity is a weakness? In reality, it is sensitivity that allows us to experience a life of depth. It is sensitivity that allows us to listen to our deepest needs and dreams. It is sensitivity that allows us to be of service to others. It is sensitivity that permits us to perceive the intricate beauty and divinity of life.
To the untrained empath, empathic abilities equal incessant pain, muddy confusion and rollercoaster emotions. But they don’t have to.
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SOAR is a technique I created, but on the other hand, didn’t really create. Inspired by zen philosophy and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), SOAR is very much a way of life. Thus, it is not just a slap-and-dash technique that can be easily plastered over pain: it requires practice, persistence and hella willpower! Thankfully, we all possess this.
S.O.A.R Broken Down
SOAR can be broken down in the following way:
Surrender — Relax your body. Take a deep breath in. Consciously surrender to whatever tension or discomfort you are feeling without fighting it. Feel the emotions within you. Before surrendering, it helps to first clearly identify what you are feeling, e.g. lethargy, anger, muscle tension, melancholy, fear.
Observe — Allow yourself to purely feel the emotions within you, without judgment. What do they look like, sound like, taste like or even smell like? Use your senses to build a tangible image of them. For example, the anxiety within you may feel like a wet, swampy puddle oozing through your core. Or the overwhelming sensation of clashing energy may look like fierce red fireworks. Remember: observe these emotions without becoming attached to them. Of course, this is easier said than done (and a whole book could be written on this topic, which I’m considering!). Simply allow the feelings to rise and flow, like the ocean’s tides.
Accept — As you observe the emotions and sensations within you, accept them. Don’t resist them. Welcome them as temporary sojourners in the temple of your body. Soon they will leave. Nothing ever remains. Remember that.
Release — As you go through the gentle motions of surrender, observation and acceptance, you will eventually sense the feelings dissipating. While very intense and jammed away emotions can return again, don’t let this stress you out. Go through each of these steps again as many times as you need.
SOAR is a technique that must be practiced like meditation first, and a moment-to-moment experience later. Set aside a few minutes every day (such as in your lunch break at work), and focus on calming and relaxing yourself. There are so many ways you can do this, e.g. through visualization, focusing on your breath, walking on grass, humming, listening to music, etc.
It is imperative that you learn a self-soothing practice that appeals to you. Without centering yourself, you won’t have much success with the rest of the steps.
Below I will provide a simple transcript of what SOAR practice is like in action:
I’m feeling sick and anxious today. So many people are walking around me, talking loudly, laughing, gossiping, demanding and brimming with nervous vibes. I’ve got to take a break. My tea break is soon, thank god. I will focus on deepening my breath for the mean time.
[Tea break]
I feel tired and have this angry, impatient vibe in me. I’ll now take a deep breath in and out. I’ll feel the grass beneath my feet and the wind on my face. I’ll centre myself in nature.
[10 minutes pass]
I’m feeling more grounded now. But I have this lurking restlessness in me. It tastes bitter and looks like an ominous storm cloud. I will watch it. It is here, but I will allow it to be here. I feel it in my stomach, neck and shoulders, but I will allow it to be there. I will watch it. As I remain grounded in nature, I am watching it. I am accepting it as it is. It is here, but I am not fighting it.
[More minutes pass]
All my attention is going into feeling and consciously experiencing this emotion as it is. No more, no less. I am present with this uncomfortable feeling. I can feel it slipping away. I can feel it leave my body as it meets the light of my consciousness. It is fading away.
Tips
Experiment with SOAR. Above I vocalized the transcript as if someone had internally, and you may like to try that as well. On the other hand, you may like to simply focus on fulfilling each step wordlessly.
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Remember, the purpose of this technique is essentially the development of mindfulness, non-attachment, and non-resistance. Therefore, you don’t need to rigidly follow this step-by-step process. Instead, aim to let it flow naturally from you. Whenever any emotion is met with conscious acceptance and non-attachment, it passes away. Us empaths suffer so much because we are in the habit of unconsciously resisting and attaching to everything that we absorb.
If you want to learn more about the SOAR technique and access guided MP3’s to help you through the process, check out our Empath book.
Over to you …
Try experimenting with SOAR for one week. Be patient. This technique requires serious dedication and effort. But I hope that what I’ve provided you in this article can inspire some deep change towards your approach to your empathic abilities. Yes, they can be honed and mastered. And thankfully they can become a source of strength for you, rather than a weakness.
What is your relationship with your empathic abilities? Please share … I’m sure we’ll all be able to benefit!
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I always knew I was somehow different, always thinking that I was different and weird way but also had a different outlook on everything else and a very deep way that no one else really had any idea what I meant when I was trying to talk on a deep level almost very sensitive too much sensitivity for a guy and I also thought that was kind of weird so I would keep it from everybody. I like to stay away from parties or big crowds I was always very uncomfortable I never like clubs or even strip clubs. My friends would try to get me to go to them and I just could not stay for long I could actually count on two fingers how many times I’ve been. I am very creative in many ways but I never was able to get past that step of being great at something to the point of mastery only mastering the basics really really fast and everybody thinking that I’m a natural and I’m going to take whatever I was doing over but I never got to the point because either something would happen or my curiosity would jump to the next thing and I couldn’t focus on that particular thing anymore and I went from hobby to hobby to hobby from job to job the job and just recently found out that I was an empath and everything in my life made sense. I’m also a Scorpio I really never believed in zodiac signs into an extent I try not to lean on that too much but how accurate it is blows my mind. I am a Christian and I have been to prison one time which I have to say I was probably in the best shape mentally and physically and can accomplish anything I put my mind to. When I had an spiritual Awakening but as time went by and I got out of prison, oh by the way I went to prison for addiction to opiates which I found out that most empaths usually have an addiction problem. When I got out of prison I slowly but surely slipped away from the spiritual things and fell off but recently found out that I like to be an entrepreneur I’ve always had a longing to own my own businesses I would like to emphasize businesses plural because I don’t like to do one thing I like to do multiple things, like an event things or write things poetry being my favorite things to write. But I like to buy and sell things like flipping things. Still not successful but would like to learn more about my abilities and being empath. And would love your help I don’t have any extra finances as of now but when I do have those finances in order I will absolutely no doubly be able to send you money. I’ve never really reached out like this before so I’m kind of a little bit hesitant and at the same time curious to see how I could be taught to learn how to use my abilities better. Thank you and also I hope blessings on you and your family.
I am trying to sort everything out and looking for some help. I spent many years blocking everything only for it to come back with great intensity. Trying to learn and accept it now but having trouble putting everything together
thank you for sharing this approach
I have hesitancy with this, only because some negative energy types are toxically powerful and insidiously latch on with no intent to let go until they are ready/ for a “new host”/ something provokes the “rogue energy” to move on. In the meantime, the empath is “energy stifled/ suffocated”/ their energy balance distorted – how many times can you cope with that in the same day ie energies coming and going as energies please, being “master”
[{ wow that must be interesting for energy healers / reiki practitioners / mystic guides etc etc }]
I share this thought because I feel this SOAR type of approach may have been applied in the end by eg Middle Ages Druids, which today are (consequently??) gone whereby now leaving those pursuing neo-Druidism into “guessing” about forebears [ activities/ craft/ practice etc ]. It feels very passive, to submit oneself like a “tree” with the energy jossling about & throughout its branches; if that energy has the makings of a tempest, then *egads*
Personally, I have lots to learn which is why I’m so greatful for a collective conscience (ie including all LonerWolf journeyers/ respondents)
I’m new to guided empath training, and one of the initial mentor lessons imparted to me is the blocking (visualisation of tetrahedron etc) technique. This is good. But is a new routine for me so I often don’t do it daily or more (*whoops!*) when in questionable circumstances
I resonate with the article and it’s explanations; even though I’m learning under mentor guidance, prior-to now I’ve felt strong enough in myself to present as “hostile environment” to repel negative energy (though I am [ but human ] doing my best in this dual journey (ie physical & non-physical))
-> to block or not to block/ what if a strong empath knowingly or unwittingly “sucks a bit out of you” each time while you’ve not got your block on. Hmmm, “just let the breeze rustle through the branches” comes across as keeping it all pretty natural + routine time out grounding exercises and energy rejuvenate practices. Hmmm…
Baby big steps here, thank you on many levels
I have been aware of my empathic abilities since I was old enough to hold a memory. I grew up in one home that was relentless and abusive and another home that was loving and sheltered. My parents split when I was only 5. The violence and abuse my stepfather and mother would engage in was extremely difficult for me to bare. However, whenever I would go with my father and his mother (my grandmother) I would feel healed from the immense about of love and care I received from them. As I came into my teens and puberty, my empathic nature became confusing and difficult for me to express. My grandmother who I love dearly is a strict Christian woman who did not believe in any kind of spiritual or psychic connections. I did not have anyone to teach me. Unfortunately, the Severe anxiety and depression I experienced that was left untreated, led me into serious substance abuse. The drugs that I used numbed all these emotions coming at me that I wasn’t sure where they came from or how to handle them. After a long bought of drug addiction, treatment and pulling my life together (11 years in recovery now). I decided to use my empathic gift for something that would help heal others who struggle through addiction and mental health. I trained to become a certified peer support specialist( someone who uses their lived experience to inspire and help others in their own path to recovery). I should mention I have healed my personal life. I removed all toxic people and energy vampires, I have an amazing partner and 3 amazing children (2 whom are also empathy but thank god have my guidance). I have set all necessary boundaries in my life and only interact with those who have the best of intentions. I realized that working with the mental health and addiction community could present to be challenging but I have welcomed the challenge and I am so happy that I did. I absolutely love what I do!! I am so passionate about my job and truly feel that I am where I am meant to be. Finally, I am able to use my empathy to truly feel what others are feeling and help them through their hardest challenges by meeting them where they are at. I have become great at managing all the emotions I take on through my job and have many different practices I use to reset and ground myself like crystals, meditation, essential oils and simple self care and enjoyment. It all works in helping me feel balanced. However, lately I have been having a very difficult time getting in touch with my higher spiritual self, my spirit guides and I can’t even remember any of my dreams no matter what I do. It’s like I have this spiritual block that is so deeply subconscious that I can not locate what is really causing it. I have meditated on it and even prayed on it but cannot find the answer. There is not a single thing in my personal life or work that I feel would cause such a blockage. I am wondering if anyone has any ideas on what this could be? Do you think maybe a past life that something happened around the time my age is now that is stirring it up? Or could it be all of the current events in the extended world that is reaching me from the outside? I continue to practice all of my spiritual rituals and self care regardless but fear not having an end in sight! Help!
Hello, my mum and I are both empaths. Unfortunately for me I cut myself off from my emotions which ment I also lost my ability to read people and be able to see if they were a goid person or not. Every now and then I pick up on someone else’s emotion or I have a feeling it my stomach when I know someone I care about mayndo something they regret. Is their any advice you can give me as to how I can get back in touch with all of my empathic abilabilities? It feels like part of me is missing without them.
Looks interesting, but I have a further, more complicated question. I’ve known for years that I am empathic, and Autism, but I have also had massive sleeping problems, and memory issues, that no one can treat. Recently my Doctor heard all my complaints, and figures that my memory issues are emotional, like trauma.
This sort of, no full confirmation thou, of me.
I believe that I am (Firstly)Psychic Dream walking, Astral projecting/traveling (sleep time only) which would account for my lack of restful sleep. Being Empathic, whilst firstly sucking up other peoples emotions and becoming traumatized (This would explain my moods in the morning, along with thoughts). Having Autism means I am have difficulty processing anything consciously, so sub-consciously who-knows. Maybe my empathic trauma is repressing my own emotions making me test false positce to Autisum tests.
SO. Does anyone have any thoughts, or read anything, I am not bothered how bizarre, on empathy, psychic dream walking, emotional traumatic memory loss?
Thanks-Charlie
Aletheia, Hi. I am new to this in at least accepting what is going on with me. I am 58 year old guy that has come to realize or at least accept that I am indeed an empath. I have known for sometime but have never spoken of it or discussed it with anyone else, but I am so worried about it. I know nothing about it other than I know what it does and I am smart enough to recognize what it does to me and when I feel it. I just have no control at all over it. I read your article and signed up for the course. I would like to ask though can you help me find real info on the subject and maybe point me to some reading or something. Thanks.
I appreciate your thoughts and SOAR approach as valid and healthier than blocking. I am 50 now. In my early years, they called me a medical intuitive. The problem was that while I could attract negative energy out of people to their benefit, I spent a good deal of my time recovering from taking their sickness on. It was disabling. I thought I had No choice but to block it all. I spent the next 20 years using other parts of my brain and working on balance and boundaries to become functional day to day. The last ten years have been a next phase in the journey of discovering what you have identified as SOAR. It is powerful and true. Thank you
Thank you for this validation, Celina. :)
Hello fellow empath. I’m an empath Psychotherapist and use mindfulness cognitive behavioral techniques often in my daily practice. I like your use of SOAR and will put it into my daily personal care. I like your perspective on the perception of the negativity associated with the energy we receive. Doesn’t make sense to block our gift.
Peace and love, Stephanie
Hi, I have researched a lot of sites on empathy ,light workers, etc. & have found that this one is more genuine & not after people with only good intentions. Thank you, I will continue my journey with your awesome advise in mind.
Hello!
I have struggled for many years and just recently discovered that I am too an empath. 3 of them to be exact. And it’s hard. I have a long way to go to understand what all this means but your articles have really shed some light on what I’m going through. So thank you!