Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. โ Kahlil Gibran (The Vision)
When you look back on your life, what verbs do you use to describe it? If youโre like me you probably use words like โsearching,โ โseeking,โ โfighting,โ โchasing,โ and โstriving,โ among other words like loving, laughing, and crying.
In life, it seems very normal for us to fight against despair and disaster, and it seems just as normal for us to continuously seek for freedom and joy.
But what if I was to tell you that weโre going about it all wrong? What if I was to tell you that the happiness, peace, and liberation that we search for can be found by simply surrendering โ not resisting, not battling, not pursuing โ but simply . . . surrendering?
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What is โSurrenderingโ?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. โReinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
When we hear the word โsurrenderโ we equate it with โdefeat,โ โfailure,โ and even weakness. But in reality, surrendering takes a lot more strength, bravery, and determination than fighting.
Why?
Because surrendering our fears, surrendering our mistaken beliefs, surrendering the biases, preconceptions and judgements we cling to about ourselves and the world takes a lot of guts.ย Surrendering requires us to challenge ourselves, it requires us to question every assumption we have ever made about the world. It requires us to see that life doesn’t have to be a struggle as we so commonly believe, but life can be sereneโNOW.
This can be impossible for us to believe . . . it seems so ridiculously simple! And maybe it is. But we seem to have a very strong, very tenacious tendency to fight and resist in life. Whether this is biological, socially conditioned, or both, our deeply ingrained habit of resistance often gets in the way of simply surrendering.
You might even be resisting now with thoughts such as โThis is a load of baloney,โ โI’ve tried surrendering and it does nothing but make me suffer,โ โThis doesn’t work,โ โI donโt believe this.โ
This is normal and natural, and I didn’t accept the notion of surrender either when I first heard it. But what I learned was this:
Surrendering doesn’t make you a martyr.
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Surrendering doesn’t make you weak.
Surrendering doesn’t make you a coward.
Surrendering doesn’t make you a failure.
As Niebuhrโs well-known โSerenity Prayerโ eloquently puts it, you donโt have to stop caring, or stop trying to circumvent the unfortunate things that happen in lifeโbut you do need to know when you canโt. Many things in life are out of our power to change, alter, or control.
Let me give you a few lessons I’ve learned in my own life as an example:
I’ve learned that I canโt change those who are close to me without their consent. I’ve learned that I canโt force anyone to see my perspectives, to hear my thoughts, or to truly understand where I am coming from UNLESS they are first open and receptive. On the other hand, I have learned that I can change myself, I can change the way I think, feel, and perceive the world. And through my learned ability to change myself, I’ve also learned to change the outcome of events: I’ve learned to avoid unnecessary mistakes or misfortunes that I could have brought on myself.
What about you? What can you genuinely change in your life, and what do you need to surrender control of? What is in your power to change, and what is completely out of your hands?
Hint: Outer people and events are very difficult to oversee and contain. On the other hand, the feelings, perceptions, judgments, and decisions we make within are more in our scope of changing.
Why the โPursuit of Happinessโ Makes Us Miserable
Always say โyesโ to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say โyesโ to life โ and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you. โEckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
What does the pursuit of happiness have to do with resistance and surrender? A whole lot, really.
The pursuit of happiness is essentially one of the biggest forms of resistance in our lives. We spend our lifetimesย searching for what will make us truly happy. We travel the world, learn languages, get degrees, get married, earn lots of money, and start businesses to try to achieve this elusive “happiness dream” that so many speak of and worship.
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Instead of simply surrendering, instead ofย simply accepting what we have right here and right now, we eternally crave for more. And thus we are stuck in a never-ending cycle of misery.
As Sol mentioned in a previous article on paradoxical truths:
Happiness can never be pursued. The more you chase it, the more it runs away. Pursuing happiness makes you anxious and frustrated. In fact, happiness only comes when you’re relaxed, when you’re not pursuing it, and it’s always the by-product of another activityโusually something that brings meaning or joy to our lives.
A really powerful place to start when we are learning to surrender to life is to challenge the idea that happiness must be โpursued.โ We often get into an unconscious habit of dwelling in future dreams and possibilities, and fantasizing about what we โcould be doing,โ or where we โcould beโ rather than soaking up the beauty, tranquility and joy that can be found right now.
If you would like to experiment with surrender, try to focus on being present today (not tomorrow), and try to notice every little detail and nuance that occurs in your life right now. Yes, your life might not be perfect, and no, it most likely never will be, but you can re-program your mind to get the very most out of life despite what you are experiencing right now. Beauty can be found in even the darkest of places.
When I attempt to re-train my thinking patterns to enjoy life to the fullest, I like to do what I call โsomatic mindfulness.โ Somatic mindfulness is basically a way of using your body (your breathing and your five senses) to anchor you into the present moment. You can do this by tuning into what you are tasting, what you are touching, what you are hearing, what you are smelling, and what you are seeing, and focus on experiencing these sensations fullyโnot halfheartedly as is often our habit.
For example, you might like to go outside, sit down, let the sunshine hit your face, and fully feel its heat and warmth on your skin. Or you might like to absorb yourself in the taste of your cereal and full experience the nuances of flavor. You might like to focus on your breath as you walk to the bus stop, or listen to the sounds of the birds chirping or crickets trilling in the evening.
If you would like to actively put into practice surrender or non-resistance, try this method (and let me know how you go below!). You will not be perfect at itโnone of us areโbut fierce persistence is the key.
***
Despite what we are taught: liberation is not a search, it is surrender. Despite what we believe: liberation is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.
Surrender is about acceptance, it is about consciously choosing not to resist life, it is about developing the wisdom to know when our intervention is unnecessary, and it is about developing the courage to embrace whatever comes, knowing that everything in its own time will pass.
What are your experiences with surrender and liberation?
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I think the misunderstanding around surrender is that it’s not about giving up. You see a similar example of “acceptance,” in AA Alcoholics meetings. That is from the 12 step rules, you first have to surrender to the fact that you have no control over your alcoholism, and that you are powerless to stop it. Does this mean that this is the end? There are 11 other rules? Just this one? No. It just is trying to say that “currently right now,” you have no control over alcoholism, or for other people here, any problem you have right now in life. Unless you admit that this is your present set of circumstances, you will end up denying you have a problem in the first place to be able to confront it at all. It’s a temporary situation, yes, but still, you have to surrender to the fact that you’re powerless, at least all on your own. Because if you don’t admit that, then you would become too prideful to ask for help from other people, or if you prefer, a Higher Power of some kind. Surrender is less giving up on a problem, but giving up the idea that you have to solve it independently, immediately, and without any hard work or perseverance.
I think it has renrewed my faith in the unseen world……i understand the reset,going thru it,the introspection,needed to reealize ,we need this for our soul….an without empathy,passion,creativity,forgiveness,patience,you cant have true love for yourself or another…..but when they let you taste it for a second an rip it away……..that hurts….ive never understood an eclipse till the last one……an i felt this one for last 3 days
Seeking a deeper serenity the roadmap here reaffirms the journey as the reward. So technically it is not a map LOL
If you were in the ocean sailing along in your boat and enjoying the experience, would you rather have a map that teaches you the paths to avoid because of their strong tides and stormy weather so you may continue enjoying the serenity of the journey or would you rather have no map?
I would rather sail without a map. Without a map you can experience so much more than with one. I find the serenity in the storm, because I know I can’t control it. Were I to follow the map made by people who sailed the path before me, I might have the illusion to be in control. If it would not go according to plan I could worry about getting in control again. Letting go of control, just accepting the things I can’t change, gives me peace
You need help
This just sounds like another issue of semantics where people’s understandings get mixed up because they define words differently. Here the word with a vague sense of meaning in this conversation is what a “map” means exactly. Does it have to be a strict sense of rules, or can it be a guideline, a place for inspiration, or something you can take what applies to you, then leave whatever doesn’t?
This article describe exactly what โhappenedโ to me a few years ago…. I simply surrendered to life…. I stopped trying to do, to fix… I stopped fighting life and what was thrown my way…. I must admit at first I was scared that I had lost my self… but then everything just seemed to fall into place… I just focused on loving everyone and everything including my self… I stopped being judgmental of others as well as of my self…. and yes I still sometimes struggle with old habits… but I do feel free to just be – more that ever before… I called it just flowing – when trying to explain… now I have a new word SURRENDER thank you Luna โค๏ธ
I must admit, I am troubled. I took a couple of the tests on this site, the warrior and the sage, the observer. I searched for a long time when I heard the cries of the oppressed, but their oppressor is tricky and covers it’s tracks well, they rant at police violence when it is only a symptom, they hiss about recession and debt when these too are only symptoms, they cry for the earth that is being destroy, the ground split, the sky burned, the ice melting, the forests dying. I searched long and hard both inside and outside and I found our oppressor, our enemy. It is capitalism. I know this site really isn’t about politics but the fact is while we don’t all effect politics, politics affects all of us. We as a species are too far evolved for a vast majority to still have to toil endlessly for a place to sleep, food to eat, for these things that are necessities and our right as living beings. But you cannot strike at capitalism, for these 1% elitists guard it, it makes them powerful and they in turn keep it running. I cannot simply surrender. I cannot just give up and enjoy life the way it is. I exist and therefore I am i force upon this world, upon the universe. If everyone surrenders then they will have us in literal shackles instead of these figurative bonds. While people still suffer, I shall not rest, I will never surrender.
Anthony, you seem to equate physical shackles with emotional and psychological prison. As many wise, incarcerated people through the ages have shown (Viktor Frankl, Nelson Mandela, St. John of the Cross), you can be physically imprisoned but still experience a freedom of the mind and heart. It is a mindset, not a physical reality. We fool ourselves into believing that outside forces, like capitalism, are responsible for our oppression, but in reality our oppression is sourced from our own minds. How do you think capitalism, nazism, and other societal structures formed? From collective mentality. Change your mentality and you change your life.
I can’t quote my source because I really cannot remember where it came from. I’ve somehow linked it to Mandela, any may be my own version of Mandela effect. The words, You can beat me, you can starve me, you can lock me in your prisons, but you will never make me your prisoner, are fixed firmly in my head and seem to apply here.
Amen
If my kids kids arent hungry
Greed is what runs our world ,destroys us an our world,it is the catalyst for the devil himmself,because he can never leave this world……..fact
Emotional surrender is different from practical surrender, hahaha. I do like my politics as well, being a nice outlet for my natural aggression to be placed into a healthier area, as long as I express my anger calmly yet firmly. Though surrender does not mean giving up in taking action, in this context, it means surrendering emotionally to having to control every little detail of the world around you. That is, do your best to change things though, but do so with an extra amount of patience, time, and without rushing things through. So you won’t constantly blow up, lose patience to persevere, or accidentally make mistakes on politics due to rushing things around. I mean, I can’t comment to what you’re doing exactly with politics since you’re a stranger, but what I know is that a lot of people just deal with politics through brute force. By just expressing their anger, and then just having no practical knowledge, resources, or practical solutions to suggest about the topic here. People just vaguely talk about the “evils of society,” and then act like that provides something practical to fix society. If you’re frustrated about greed, maybe look up the /r/antiwork and /r/workreform forums online, at the very least. Go study specific examples of corporate greed, maybe start with watching John Oliver’s YouTube talk show on that, a common resource to the anti-greed types. Go study the specific science around climate change, deforestation, and specific laws there should be about animal rights. But you won’t realize this, haha, if you don’t emotionally surrender enough to slow down to think with your brain and not just your primal emotional instincts.
It is hard to enjoy the present, my mind is always in fantasy land. My job atm working on the till of a supermarket is very boring, its very pointless job and most people I work with are not nice either. So I tend to let my mind drift away when I am working, it makes time go faster. It can be addictive to daydream, think, imagine all the time and reject the present.
However yesterday on a much needed day off I left the city and got the train to the beach. I walked across a few miles of sand dunes, I sat down and for the first time, in a long time I heard silence.
I can’t appreciate the present all the time (I don’t know if anyone can) but every now and then is nice enough.
It is hard for most of us to enjoy the present given our fast-paced lifestyles and monotonous jobs. Personally I have found that even in the most boring circumstances can wonder be found — it all depends where you choose to look. Being present also gives you an opportunity to learn about others, despite how nice or nasty they are by allowing you to explore why and make peace with who they are and what they do. But I’m glad that you are finding peace in silence. A lot of beauty can be found in stillness.
The above describes the foundation beliefs of alcoholics Anonymous. And the 12 steps to liberation. By surrendering to powerlessness do we gain power.
I was aware that the Serenity Prayer was adopted by A.A. It’s strange isn’t it? Often the deepest truths in life are paradoxical such as the one you wrote: “By surrendering to powerlessness do we gain power.”
“Thy Will Be Done”.I guess that aptly describes the above.Yes! I’m a believer in a soul,in a God.I believe in the Soul of the Universe.In Hinduism in the Gita,there is a para that says,”Do your duty and leave the results to the Divine”.Buddhism also says,Karma is the ultimate decisor of what one should get.I think this aalso propounds Non attachment to the results.When I have done my best,i rest with a clean conscience.no longer worried about the outcome.And most often than not,it always turns out better than I expected.Also surrender to me means Letting Go.and letting go can be the start of something much better.Finally,i believe God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.
Indeed Uma, whether that ‘God’ be the Divine, the universe, consciousness, or whatever other names life is called, liberation is essentially removing our “will” that separates us from the wisdom of life.