Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. – Kahlil Gibran (The Vision)
When you look back on your life, what verbs do you use to describe it? If you’re like me you probably use words like “searching,” “seeking,” “fighting,” “chasing,” and “striving,” among other words like loving, laughing, and crying.
In life, it seems very normal for us to fight against despair and disaster, and it seems just as normal for us to continuously seek for freedom and joy.
But what if I was to tell you that we’re going about it all wrong? What if I was to tell you that the happiness, peace, and liberation that we search for can be found by simply surrendering – not resisting, not battling, not pursuing – but simply . . . surrendering?
What is “Surrendering”?
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. –Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
When we hear the word “surrender” we equate it with “defeat,” “failure,” and even weakness. But in reality, surrendering takes a lot more strength, bravery, and determination than fighting.
Why?
Because surrendering our fears, surrendering our mistaken beliefs, surrendering the biases, preconceptions and judgements we cling to about ourselves and the world takes a lot of guts. Surrendering requires us to challenge ourselves, it requires us to question every assumption we have ever made about the world. It requires us to see that life doesn’t have to be a struggle as we so commonly believe, but life can be serene—NOW.
This can be impossible for us to believe . . . it seems so ridiculously simple! And maybe it is. But we seem to have a very strong, very tenacious tendency to fight and resist in life. Whether this is biological, socially conditioned, or both, our deeply ingrained habit of resistance often gets in the way of simply surrendering.
You might even be resisting now with thoughts such as “This is a load of baloney,” “I’ve tried surrendering and it does nothing but make me suffer,” “This doesn’t work,” “I don’t believe this.”
This is normal and natural, and I didn’t accept the notion of surrender either when I first heard it. But what I learned was this:
Surrendering doesn’t make you a martyr.
Surrendering doesn’t make you weak.
Surrendering doesn’t make you a coward.
Surrendering doesn’t make you a failure.
As Niebuhr’s well-known “Serenity Prayer” eloquently puts it, you don’t have to stop caring, or stop trying to circumvent the unfortunate things that happen in life—but you do need to know when you can’t. Many things in life are out of our power to change, alter, or control.
Let me give you a few lessons I’ve learned in my own life as an example:
I’ve learned that I can’t change those who are close to me without their consent. I’ve learned that I can’t force anyone to see my perspectives, to hear my thoughts, or to truly understand where I am coming from UNLESS they are first open and receptive. On the other hand, I have learned that I can change myself, I can change the way I think, feel, and perceive the world. And through my learned ability to change myself, I’ve also learned to change the outcome of events: I’ve learned to avoid unnecessary mistakes or misfortunes that I could have brought on myself.
What about you? What can you genuinely change in your life, and what do you need to surrender control of? What is in your power to change, and what is completely out of your hands?
Hint: Outer people and events are very difficult to oversee and contain. On the other hand, the feelings, perceptions, judgments, and decisions we make within are more in our scope of changing.
Why the “Pursuit of Happiness” Makes Us Miserable
Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you. –Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)
What does the pursuit of happiness have to do with resistance and surrender? A whole lot, really.
The pursuit of happiness is essentially one of the biggest forms of resistance in our lives. We spend our lifetimes searching for what will make us truly happy. We travel the world, learn languages, get degrees, get married, earn lots of money, and start businesses to try to achieve this elusive “happiness dream” that so many speak of and worship.
Instead of simply surrendering, instead of simply accepting what we have right here and right now, we eternally crave for more. And thus we are stuck in a never-ending cycle of misery.
As Sol mentioned in a previous article on paradoxical truths:
Happiness can never be pursued. The more you chase it, the more it runs away. Pursuing happiness makes you anxious and frustrated. In fact, happiness only comes when you’re relaxed, when you’re not pursuing it, and it’s always the by-product of another activity—usually something that brings meaning or joy to our lives.
A really powerful place to start when we are learning to surrender to life is to challenge the idea that happiness must be “pursued.” We often get into an unconscious habit of dwelling in future dreams and possibilities, and fantasizing about what we “could be doing,” or where we “could be” rather than soaking up the beauty, tranquility and joy that can be found right now.
If you would like to experiment with surrender, try to focus on being present today (not tomorrow), and try to notice every little detail and nuance that occurs in your life right now. Yes, your life might not be perfect, and no, it most likely never will be, but you can re-program your mind to get the very most out of life despite what you are experiencing right now. Beauty can be found in even the darkest of places.
When I attempt to re-train my thinking patterns to enjoy life to the fullest, I like to do what I call “somatic mindfulness.” Somatic mindfulness is basically a way of using your body (your breathing and your five senses) to anchor you into the present moment. You can do this by tuning into what you are tasting, what you are touching, what you are hearing, what you are smelling, and what you are seeing, and focus on experiencing these sensations fully—not halfheartedly as is often our habit.
For example, you might like to go outside, sit down, let the sunshine hit your face, and fully feel its heat and warmth on your skin. Or you might like to absorb yourself in the taste of your cereal and full experience the nuances of flavor. You might like to focus on your breath as you walk to the bus stop, or listen to the sounds of the birds chirping or crickets trilling in the evening.
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If you would like to actively put into practice surrender or non-resistance, try this method (and let me know how you go below!). You will not be perfect at it—none of us are—but fierce persistence is the key.
***
Despite what we are taught: liberation is not a search, it is surrender. Despite what we believe: liberation is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.
Surrender is about acceptance, it is about consciously choosing not to resist life, it is about developing the wisdom to know when our intervention is unnecessary, and it is about developing the courage to embrace whatever comes, knowing that everything in its own time will pass.
What are your experiences with surrender and liberation?
I think it has renrewed my faith in the unseen world……i understand the reset,going thru it,the introspection,needed to reealize ,we need this for our soul….an without empathy,passion,creativity,forgiveness,patience,you cant have true love for yourself or another…..but when they let you taste it for a second an rip it away……..that hurts….ive never understood an eclipse till the last one……an i felt this one for last 3 days
Seeking a deeper serenity the roadmap here reaffirms the journey as the reward. So technically it is not a map LOL
If you were in the ocean sailing along in your boat and enjoying the experience, would you rather have a map that teaches you the paths to avoid because of their strong tides and stormy weather so you may continue enjoying the serenity of the journey or would you rather have no map?
This article describe exactly what “happened” to me a few years ago…. I simply surrendered to life…. I stopped trying to do, to fix… I stopped fighting life and what was thrown my way…. I must admit at first I was scared that I had lost my self… but then everything just seemed to fall into place… I just focused on loving everyone and everything including my self… I stopped being judgmental of others as well as of my self…. and yes I still sometimes struggle with old habits… but I do feel free to just be – more that ever before… I called it just flowing – when trying to explain… now I have a new word SURRENDER thank you Luna ❤️
I must admit, I am troubled. I took a couple of the tests on this site, the warrior and the sage, the observer. I searched for a long time when I heard the cries of the oppressed, but their oppressor is tricky and covers it’s tracks well, they rant at police violence when it is only a symptom, they hiss about recession and debt when these too are only symptoms, they cry for the earth that is being destroy, the ground split, the sky burned, the ice melting, the forests dying. I searched long and hard both inside and outside and I found our oppressor, our enemy. It is capitalism. I know this site really isn’t about politics but the fact is while we don’t all effect politics, politics affects all of us. We as a species are too far evolved for a vast majority to still have to toil endlessly for a place to sleep, food to eat, for these things that are necessities and our right as living beings. But you cannot strike at capitalism, for these 1% elitists guard it, it makes them powerful and they in turn keep it running. I cannot simply surrender. I cannot just give up and enjoy life the way it is. I exist and therefore I am i force upon this world, upon the universe. If everyone surrenders then they will have us in literal shackles instead of these figurative bonds. While people still suffer, I shall not rest, I will never surrender.
Anthony, you seem to equate physical shackles with emotional and psychological prison. As many wise, incarcerated people through the ages have shown (Viktor Frankl, Nelson Mandela, St. John of the Cross), you can be physically imprisoned but still experience a freedom of the mind and heart. It is a mindset, not a physical reality. We fool ourselves into believing that outside forces, like capitalism, are responsible for our oppression, but in reality our oppression is sourced from our own minds. How do you think capitalism, nazism, and other societal structures formed? From collective mentality. Change your mentality and you change your life.
Amen
If my kids kids arent hungry
Greed is what runs our world ,destroys us an our world,it is the catalyst for the devil himmself,because he can never leave this world……..fact
It is hard to enjoy the present, my mind is always in fantasy land. My job atm working on the till of a supermarket is very boring, its very pointless job and most people I work with are not nice either. So I tend to let my mind drift away when I am working, it makes time go faster. It can be addictive to daydream, think, imagine all the time and reject the present.
However yesterday on a much needed day off I left the city and got the train to the beach. I walked across a few miles of sand dunes, I sat down and for the first time, in a long time I heard silence.
I can’t appreciate the present all the time (I don’t know if anyone can) but every now and then is nice enough.
It is hard for most of us to enjoy the present given our fast-paced lifestyles and monotonous jobs. Personally I have found that even in the most boring circumstances can wonder be found — it all depends where you choose to look. Being present also gives you an opportunity to learn about others, despite how nice or nasty they are by allowing you to explore why and make peace with who they are and what they do. But I’m glad that you are finding peace in silence. A lot of beauty can be found in stillness.
The above describes the foundation beliefs of alcoholics Anonymous. And the 12 steps to liberation. By surrendering to powerlessness do we gain power.
I was aware that the Serenity Prayer was adopted by A.A. It’s strange isn’t it? Often the deepest truths in life are paradoxical such as the one you wrote: “By surrendering to powerlessness do we gain power.”
“Thy Will Be Done”.I guess that aptly describes the above.Yes! I’m a believer in a soul,in a God.I believe in the Soul of the Universe.In Hinduism in the Gita,there is a para that says,”Do your duty and leave the results to the Divine”.Buddhism also says,Karma is the ultimate decisor of what one should get.I think this aalso propounds Non attachment to the results.When I have done my best,i rest with a clean conscience.no longer worried about the outcome.And most often than not,it always turns out better than I expected.Also surrender to me means Letting Go.and letting go can be the start of something much better.Finally,i believe God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.
Indeed Uma, whether that ‘God’ be the Divine, the universe, consciousness, or whatever other names life is called, liberation is essentially removing our “will” that separates us from the wisdom of life.