There is a light side to the lone wolf – the spiritual wanderer, outsider, and fringe dweller in society – but there’s also a dark side.
Today, I’m going to speak about both.
As someone whose many years of work have centered around reclaiming the value and importance of the lone wolf, especially in a spiritual context, I’d be remiss to ignore the elephant in the room:
Spiritual Wanderer Course:
Being a lone wolf and a spiritual wanderer is a sacred calling in life – a unique and alchemical path of awakening. You don’t need to feel lost, alone, or stuck on your journey any more. It’s time to meet your soul’s deep needs for clarity, self-acceptance, and empowerment. Let us show you how …
Toxic individualism.
And yes, immature and uninitiated lone wolfery can lead to toxic individualism – one of the many plagues that ravages this planet as we speak. I’ll explore why soon.
But, on the flip side, when someone with a lone wolf personality becomes matured through the process of spiritual awakening and initiated into the deeper nature of the self, this leads to true individuality – an antithesis and perhaps antidote to toxic individualism.
If you identify as a lone wolf, social outsider, spiritual wanderer, fringe dweller, or someone who struggles to fit into society, stay with me until the end and let me know your own perspective.
Table of contents
The Lone Wolf and Toxic Individualism
Other than the fact that the label “lone wolf” has often been applied in a sensationalist shock-and-horror way to mass shooters and other blood-thirsty psychos in the news, it has increasingly received other types of criticism.
As we collectively become more aware of issues like late-stage capitalism, the loneliness epidemic, environmental destruction, overuse of social media leading to narcissistic self-preoccupation, and more, the topic of toxic individualism is on the rise.
Recently, my ears have pricked up more and more at the use of the term “lone wolf” in a negative way in various podcasts, conversations, videos, and other information arenas.
Shadow & Light Membership:
Dissolve the shadows that obscure your inner Light in this weekly email-based membership! Perfect for any soul seeker serious about practicing ongoing shadow work and self-love.
“Lone wolf BS” came up most recently in a video where a guy (rightfully) pointed out that we can’t do or achieve everything by ourselves.
Others make an argument that “self-isolation and being a lone wolf are unhealthy” as well as “separation is an illusion, and so is being a lone wolf.”
And these are all valid points.
Yes, it’s true that being a lone wolf can lead to AND be a product of toxic individualism. We can’t always do everything by ourselves. Going off on our own can lead to difficulty, pain, and illusion.
But so can being part of a group.
So can getting lost in groupthink or the soul-numbing ‘matrix’ that is destroying society.
There is strength in numbers. But there’s also a different kind of strength in walking alone.
The Paradox of the ‘Lone Wolf’
The paradox of the phrase ‘lone wolf’ is that the wolf is inherently a pack creature, just as we humans are.
And yet, the lone wolf breaks the mold and goes their own way – again, just as we humans are inevitably called to do at least once in life.
Here is the paradox of the lone wolf put in a simple way:
Would you like to save this?
We'll email this article to you, so you can come back to it later!
Your information will never be shared.
Alone = All-one.
The mature lone wolf recognizes that they are both alone but also all-one in their essence.
In the words of poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson,
The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
Put differently, the mature lone wolf, the one who can be a blessing to society, who can play a healing role, is the one who can be both in the crowd but also centered in themselves.
They are both in the world, but not of the world.
The Immature & Mature Lone Wolf
I now want to define more clearly the difference between the immature and mature lone wolf.
The immature lone wolf breaks away from society by self-isolating and living under the illusion that they are separate. In extreme cases, they may become deranged and violent.
The mature lone wolf, however, may break away from society and be alone, but they also realize that they cannot ultimately exist as purely cut-off units. They recognize that they are interconnected and interdependent beings, and yet they are also simultaneously a singular and unique part of the whole.
Put differently:
The immature lone wolf lives reactively and defensively from a place of pain caused by a feeling of being separate, and they often feel powerless.
But the mature lone wolf transforms that pain into a source of power by recognizing that they have a unique path to walk, one led by their Soul and not the dictates of the society, family, or groups they find themselves in.
Individuality vs. Individualism
This leads me to differentiate between individuality and individualism, and how they relate to the lone wolf.
Essentially, individuality and individualism aren’t the same beasts.
While individualism is a mindset that tries to cling to a false separate self which doesn’t recognize that it’s part of a larger whole, individuality is about seeing yourself as part of the larger whole but also respecting your uniqueness at the same time.
Individualism is isolating, illusory, and ego-centric.
Spiritual Awakening Bundle:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "Luna & Sol, your words have been like salve to my soul. I have been searching for a way to heal and reconnect to my true self for so long (20 years) but have never found anything that truly made a difference… Until I read your books." – Stac
True individuality is integrative, introspective, and soul-centric.
The Lone Wolf and True Individuality
You and I, as children, were given a drug: it was called approval, it was called appreciation, it was called praise, success, acceptance, popularity … Awake people break out of this drug.
– Anthony de Mello
Let me go a little deeper into the notion of “true” individuality.
Toxic individualism isn’t just about self-isolation and living under the illusion of separation– it’s also what happens in our culture where being an individual is both encouraged and punished.
If you’re too different, too weird, too maladjusted to societal structures, you’re often pathologized by medical institutions, gaslighted into thinking that you’re the broken one, or dismissed and silenced because you don’t fit into the “acceptably individualistic” mold.
The message is basically this: “Sure, be different, entertain us, and stand out – but don’t be too different, too subversive, or unique because that threatens us and the way things are. And if you’re a threat, you will be crushed and eliminated.”
On the flip side – true individuality takes a 180-degree turn and focuses the spotlight internally.
It’s similar to psychiatrist Carl Jung’s notion of individuation, which I describe in the following way in my article on the topic:
[Individuation is] the process of becoming differentiated and unique, but also a process of becoming whole and united with others. Only once you get to know the exact shape of your piece of the cosmic puzzle, will you be able to find your place within the puzzle as a whole.
True individuality is about finding your unique essence and calling – it’s about breaking away from the pack and herd to listen to your soul’s voice and walk your true path.
And this requires us to embrace solitude – internally, externally, or both.
We need to be lone wolves to do this.
In the words of spiritual author and teacher Stephen Batchelor,
By withdrawing from the world into solitude, you separate yourself from others. By isolating yourself, you can see more clearly what distinguishes you from other people. Standing out in this way serves to affirm your existence … Liberated from social pressures and constraints, solitude can help you understand better what kind of person you are and what your life is for. In this way you become independent of others. You find your own path, your own voice.
Solitude is essential.
And so are lone wolves.
We Need to Honor the Role of the Lone Wolf in Society
The poet, the artist, the sleuth—whoever sharpens our perception tends to be antisocial; rarely ‘well-adjusted,’ he cannot go along with currents and trends. A strange bond often exists among antisocial types in their power to see environments as they really are.
– Marshall McLuhan
I get why the lone wolf identity/role has been rejected, feared, and maligned among so many.
But there’s also tremendous power and potential in this inner calling.
As more and more people begin waking up, undergoing spiritual shifts, and feeling isolated within the toxic structures of society, we need fringe dwellers who can provide fresh, revitalizing, and paradigm-shifting vantage points and perspectives.
We need mature and initiated lone wolves who have been through the inner archetypal journey of spiritual death and rebirth – those who can be the wisdomkeepers, healers, and visionaries that are in this world but not quite of this world – the mystics, sages, and spiritual wanderers that we need to reclaim a space for in this society.
I’ll be exploring this topic more in the future. There’s simply too much for me to cover here in completion.
For now, what are your thoughts? Is there anything you’d like to add to this discussion of toxic individualism, true individuality, and being a lone wolf? I’d love to hear from you in the comments – I try to read every comment and respond to as many as I can.
If you need more help, we offer 3 powerful ways to guide you on your inner journey:
1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Feeling lost or uncertain about your path and purpose in life? Gain clarity and focus by learning about the five archetypes of awakening within you. Discover your deeper path and purpose using our in-depth psychospiritual map. Includes 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, and a premium test.
2. Shadow & Light Membership: Seeking ongoing support for your spiritual journey? Receive weekly intuitive guidance and learn to embrace your whole self, including your shadow side. Deepen your self-love and receive personal support from us.
3. Spiritual Awakening Bundle: Ready to soul search and dive deep? Access our complete "essentials" collection of beloved journals and eBooks. Includes five enlightening eBooks and seven guided journals, plus two special bonuses to further illuminate your path.
(TLDR) “My conclusion for the time being is everything have it’s place and roles, immature lone wolf can be a source of learning too if we try to understand why the become that, and reflect it on ourselves to become better. And the mature wolf can guide them the immature one in the correct when the time is right and the situation demands it, People that cater to group thinking can learn a thing or two from a lone wolf and also a lone wolf can learn thing or two from them when they form their own tribe. Everything is connected and has it’s own timing, we can’t force a plant to grow by pulling them off a ground it takes time right situation and nurturance and also because you know not everyone is destined to grow is this lifetimes i just trust the universe, god, intuition and keep learning the lesson i meant to learned in this lifetimes.”
If i recalled it correctly, recent studies and observation said that a “lone wolf” (animal) wasn’t necessary a wolf that cant’s fit in with their pack. But more of a phase of a wolf that wandered and looking to find or build their own pack.
If we considered or compared it in our spiritual journey terms, it’s not that different from us. We awakened and probably spend sometimes alone and then after a lot of inner journey we finally find our own tribe and begin the integration back to not being a loner.
To reflect my own journey as a soul and human being of this world. There’s a point at least in my own observation and experienced that we go from “immature” to “mature” but the difference is the mature one is the one who more or less decided to move on, reflect and let go, while the immature still the one who wanted to be in their own safety bubble and doesn’t wanna let go of their pain and suffering.
Funny enough this happen to me and my father. My father is in term of this article said an immature lone wolf, the reason he become that is very simple. His parents wasn’t give him much attention and push him to become someone that’s his not and his environment can’t understand him and wasn’t accepting or even considered his own feeling. Which drove him to become who he’s right now the term that many of us called right now “toxic masculinity”. Everybody hate him and find him unbearable including me at that time.
But when i find information about him when he’s growing up to adult, many people considered him as very kind person and even a hero in his environment. So what went wrong?. Because this article touch a bit Jung “individuation theory” in liber novus Jung said “A hero must die”. Why Jung think a hero must die? well there’s a famous saying “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain” this is what happen, my dad identified himself as a hero. He help everyone, do what everyone want from him, and fulfilled everybody expectation except his own. And then he takes pride and source of happiness of being the good guy the hero but what happened when the hero is no longer needed?. He got tossed around and nobody was there for him. Because he can helped people but he can’t be helped. After years and years living in that cycle of resentment he become who he is right now because he can’t let go.
For anyone reading trying to get a scratch why i suddenly bringing jung hero archetype in a lone wolf topic. Well if u see in movies or book a hero wasn’t that different from a lone wolf. Well yeah hero has his own party and such and he wasn’t really alone, but doesn’t the hero of the movies become the chosen and nobody can be compared to him? (well except the main villain which always meant to be their counterpart), what happened when we doesn’t feel in a league with someone in real life? the majority of people will stay away from them out of respect,fear, or even spite rarely people said i will catch up to him so we can be equal. to put it in perspective it’s a lonely existence, like when we awakened spiritually and suddenly all people around us can’t understand us and don’t want to understand us and just labeled us weird or even crazy. Similiar is it.
And as his son all i ever taught or conditioned is “don’t trust other person except yourself”,”only relied on yourself don’t ask for anybody help unless you’re weak” and “be someone that useful for others and always put yourself second’ which don’t get me wrong wise advice but can go downhill very quickly if we interpret it wrongly or overdoing it. And part of my spiritual journey is also learning from him what his fears of what he can’t let go, why he become like that in the first place. and it helped me grow from immature to mature just by learning the intergenerational trauma that’s past down to me and learning from my father behavior,believed and psyche per say.
All and all i understand why people perceived lone wolf as such, majority people only judge, they don’t get curious they don’t think or even try to comprehend the think they don’t understand. But as a spiritual seeker myself i’ve been in that state too sometimes i can’t comprehend people action, and sometimes i can’t comprehend why god or the universe put me here in the first place, what’s my purpose, why something need to go a certain way? Why people think they can find happiness from external? Why i can’t save everyone. it goes on and on and on like my taxes bill.
And also a lone wolf it’s hard to predict let alone to control that’s why people try to conditioned society as such so they can be easily controlled not much chaos happening, for example if we apply a job in a company that’s want a lot of control and we have a high score in creativity well we probably get automatically get rejected-_-. in theory is good but in reality innovation or change can only happened when someone challenged the tradition or old believed that’s what most of the lone wolf role are. And the stability in relying on each other and trusting them is also a good advice to have.
My conclusion for the time being is everything have it’s place and roles, immature lone wolf can be a source of learning too if we try to understand why the become that, and reflect it on ourselves to become better. And the mature wolf can guide them the immature one in the correct when the time is right and the situation demands it, People that cater to group thinking can learn a thing or two from a lone wolf and also a lone wolf can learn thing or two from them when they form their own tribe. Everything is connected and has it’s own timing, we can’t force a plant to grow by pulling them off a ground it takes time right situation and nurturance and also because you know not everyone is destined to grow in this lifetimes.
I want to end this endless blabber of mine with the quotes that change my life at the time.
“It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. Understanding others, the other elements and the other nations will help you become whole.” – Uncle Iroh
Thank you for sharing what you’ve learned and your perspectives on this topic, Kian. I really like your balanced approach of seeing that everything has its place and role – the immature and the mature, the solo and the connected, the safety seeker and the innovator. I wholeheartedly agree :)
It’s very appropriate and interesting that the yin yang symbol is shown in this article.
Because I see the dichotomy of my lone wolf-ness and place in society as not being 50/50 equal, but more like one side being in the driver’s seat, the dominant one, but both sides being present.
In this case, I’m more lone Wolf than society man. But both are present in my life, its just that my lone wolf-ness dominates.
“one side being in the driver’s seat, the dominant one, but both sides being present” – I like this. We’re multi-faceted beings, after all. Having that inner wildness, the spirit of freedom more present (the lone wolf) has felt more satisfying and fulfilling to me personally than being a society person, as you call it. Thank you for sharing Xen :)
I see myself crossing the threshold on a Hero’s Journey and becoming more wolf-like the further I go into the underworld. (Steppenwolf: H.Hesse?) What will I be when I return to the ordinary world?
Hopefully a more complete person, with greater understanding of things and self. That is, if you stay the correct path.
This is a powerful question, Linda. Thank you for asking it.
I like what Xen has shared.
What you will be – given you keep going and manage to free yourself from the snares and traps on the path – will be more integrated, grounded, connected, and awakened to many facets of your inner and outer self, those who inhabit it, and the world around you. I have found more freedom, clarity, connection, love, and peace within myself – and many others have too. Also, the beauty of this path is that it only deepens over time.
I recommend reading about the rebirth and integration stages here as it may help: https://lonerwolf.com/the-wanderers-journey/ Much love 💜
I know you mentioned you’ll be writing more on this topic. I love this explanation of toxic individualism, and it connects to the heart of toxic capitalism on a group level (what you call late-stage capitalism). And as you point out with social media, it’s essentially narcissism – divide the world into parts, model and control. But I find people have a difficult time understanding widespread narcissism. It’s easier to understand when you frame it as toxic individualism. It is the root cause of the so-called ‘epidemic of loneliness’. Toxic individualism requires you not be vulnerable. Without being vulnerable, you cannot have any true friends… you experience loneliness.
What an intriguing perspective and angle on this topic, Tony. This makes me reflect on the nature of the mind and heart. The heart is open, inclusive, and connective. It requires us to be vulnerable and, therefore, receptive to interconnection. But the mind, as great a tool as it can be, tends to be closed, judgmental, cutting, and isolating. Things to contemplate… I wonder what will come of them. :)
Thank you for sharing!
“I feel we all start out initially in the realm of being cast as part of immature toxic individuualism.”
Not me. When I set out on my life’s journey being alone wolf. It was there from beginning to end without any toxicity.
Thank you for sharing here John. Your comment reminds me of this quote from Jung,
I have found one key that has opened the path towards ever greater individuality is to accept my pain and suffering as self made. I stay in the pain until I find the seed which is within myself. If someone betrays me I search within myself until I find an instance where I can see that I too have done something, however small I considered it to be, that could have caused another to feel betrayed. As another example of this type of process or soul searching: I haven’t robbed a bank, but I might have taken more than my fair share of something at some time. I then try to divert my pain into creative ways of working towards eradicating the fault in myself. It’s not easy, it is a process that takes time and work. I have worked through times of great pain and suffering using this method and found it effective .
I must add that I call upon the angelic forces for help at these times as the pain has often been too great to bear alone. The angelic world has never let me down and I have often felt guided towards a particular place or book that has shone a light.
Many thanks for this wonderful post.
What a beautiful and powerful practice this is, Maryam. Thank you for doing this deep inner work, it is so inspiring. Change always starts first within ourselves, and you’re a living expression of that 💜
I’m no expert, but it sounds like you’re beating yourself up here. Acceptance is good, suffering is unavoidable, understanding why someone has been completely horrid to you, and analysing why is good, but always hunting out your own negative behaviour is depressing. We understand ourselves through others, sure, but sometimes others act out of their own pain, and it’s not anything we’ve done.
I think it depends on how you use the technique that Maryam describes, Juliet. Do you use it in a way to be unkind to yourself? Or do you use it as a way to be radically honest with yourself? We don’t have to accept the behavior of others. But we can’t change their behaviors unless they choose to change. We can only change our own perspectives and approaches. That’s what I got from what she wrote anyway.
Just wanted you too know I truly relate to this have become the Mature Lone Wolf after so long of enduring such …
My daughter buys me your books too.
Always difficult with linking to things on internet as you beed to be safe sceptical of course! as I tell secondary school kids.
However, things sometimes synch for the good and I found your connection and jt also found me.
Thank you for helping me make sense of me after years of being puddled and muddle and in such emotional pain through others rejections and abuse of my loving nature and not being able to heal myself totally as always felt scared to be alone and give real inner time to me. I am at peace with me now and life is priceless and my soul people I can identify with and my toxic ones I can distance safely and they cannot inflict deliberating damage anymore I AM FREE finally in my late 50’s. I no longer feel disconnected from the universe and immerse myself in documentary’s reading things and forever learning and healing BUT passing the love on if it is wanted.
Keep being there you touch peoples lives without invading …
👍🏼💕💐💪🏻👏🏼
I’m so happy for you, Maxine. Thank you for sharing your triumphs here and keep passing on the love 💜
This morning, I awoke and the first thing I thought was “Loki” (the trickster), which is the shadow archetype you mentioned. So it’s interesting that it has come up twice today. Not sure how to incorporate that into what is going on with me.
Anyway, I don’t know how to figure out what I’m supposed to do with my life, but I feel like I’m supposed to do something. Maybe a blog, but every time I do that, I don’t end up keeping up with it. My only idea is to meditate on it and hope for some clarity eventually. My current job is draining me and I want to move out of Washington state because of the lack of sun. I don’t know which direction to go. Hoping I can eventually figure it out.
Thank you for your newsletter and thoughts. Maybe they will help me find my way.
Thank you for your vulnerability, Rebecca. Tricksters appear when old patterns and modes of being need to be disintegrated and questioned. Something to reflect on 💜
Thank you for writing this!
I love that the article explores both sides of being “alone.” And I appreciate your bravery in stating your truth.
I found your writing to be confident as well as gentle and loving.
What a lovely affirming comment. Thank you Lexi 💜
I think being a lone wolf is a place for safety, self realization and re-emerging, for example: narcissistic abuse and into healing and healthy living according to one’s choices. What I am finding is pressure to re-enter community as the templates for providing healing material evolves as it seems is occring with narcissistic abuse.. For me, it feels like I am experiencing something similar to a betrayal. All those buttons are being tapped because what you wrote describes where I am right now. As leaving has had too many closed doors in my experience, I am re-emerging and getting abused by flying monies, enablers, all those who still have a gain by keeping me in place. Despite my skills, they too have had time to strengthen themselves to maintain status quo in my absence. It is a catch 22. Not sure where to go from here. I am working through an old PTSD response triggered by trying to re-emerge. I saw all the tells in this recent experience. That I didn’t have before I started healing so it is a plus. I am feeling feelings now. The tells just were relentless. Each day I gain clarity as to what happened. I don’t even need to know the why of it all. It happened creating chaos despite boundaries. Maybe I will try again another time.
I love how you put this. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself. One step and day at a time. You’ve got this Margaret 💜