The Lone Wolf, Toxic Individualism + True Individuality

There is a light side to the lone wolf – the spiritual wanderer, outsider, and fringe dweller in society – but there’s also a dark side.

Today, I’m going to speak about both.

As someone whose many years of work have centered around reclaiming the value and importance of the lone wolf, especially in a spiritual context, I’d be remiss to ignore the elephant in the room:

Toxic individualism.

And yes, immature and uninitiated lone wolfery can lead to toxic individualism – one of the many plagues that ravages this planet as we speak. I’ll explore why soon.

But, on the flip side, when someone who is a lone wolf becomes matured through the process of spiritual awakening and initiated into the deeper nature of the self, this leads to true individuality – an antithesis and perhaps antidote to toxic individualism.

If you identify as a lone wolf, social outsider, spiritual wanderer, fringe dweller, or someone who struggles to fit into society, stay with me until the end and let me know your own perspective.

The Lone Wolf and Toxic Individualism

Other than the fact that the label “lone wolf” has often been applied in a sensationalist shock-and-horror way to mass shooters and other blood-thirsty psychos in the news, it has increasingly received other types of criticism.

As we collectively become more aware of issues like late-stage capitalism, the loneliness epidemic, environmental destruction, overuse of social media leading to narcissistic self-preoccupation, and more, the topic of toxic individualism is on the rise.

Recently, my ears have pricked up more and more at the use of the term “lone wolf” in a negative way in various podcasts, conversations, videos, and other information arenas.

“Lone wolf BS” came up most recently in a video where a guy (rightfully) pointed out that we can’t do or achieve everything by ourselves.

Others make an argument that “self-isolation and being a lone wolf are unhealthy” as well as “separation is an illusion, and so is being a lone wolf.”

And these are all valid points.

Yes, it’s true that being a lone wolf can lead to AND be a product of toxic individualism. We can’t always do everything by ourselves. Going off on our own can lead to difficulty, pain, and illusion. 

But so can being part of a group.

So can getting lost in groupthink or the soul-numbing ‘matrix’ that is destroying society.

There is strength in numbers. But there’s also a different kind of strength in walking alone.

The Paradox of the ‘Lone Wolf’ 

The paradox of the phrase ‘lone wolf’ is that the wolf is inherently a pack creature, just as we humans are. 

And yet, the lone wolf breaks the mold and goes their own way – again, just as we humans are inevitably called to do at least once in life.

Here is the paradox of the lone wolf put in a simple way:

Alone = All-one. 

The mature lone wolf recognizes that they are both alone but also all-one in their essence.

In the words of poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson,

The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

Put differently, the mature lone wolf, the one who can be a blessing to society, who can play a healing role, is the one who can be both in the crowd but also centered in themselves.

They are both in the world, but not of the world.

The Immature & Mature Lone Wolf 

I now want to define more clearly the difference between the immature and mature lone wolf.

The immature lone wolf breaks away from society by self-isolating and living under the illusion that they are separate. In extreme cases, they may become deranged and violent.

The mature lone wolf, however, may break away from society and be alone, but they also realize that they cannot ultimately exist as purely cut-off units. They recognize that they are interconnected and interdependent beings, and yet they are also simultaneously a singular and unique part of the whole.

Put differently:

The immature lone wolf lives reactively and defensively from a place of pain caused by a feeling of being separate, and they often feel powerless.

But the mature lone wolf transforms that pain into a source of power by recognizing that they have a unique path to walk, one led by their Soul and not the dictates of the society, family, or groups they find themselves in.

Individuality vs. Individualism

This leads me to differentiate between individuality and individualism, and how they relate to the lone wolf.

Essentially, individuality and individualism aren’t the same beasts.

While individualism is a mindset that tries to cling to a false separate self which doesn’t recognize that it’s part of a larger whole, individuality is about seeing yourself as part of the larger whole but also respecting your uniqueness at the same time. 

Individualism is isolating, illusory, and ego-centric.

True individuality is integrative, introspective, and soul-centric.

The Lone Wolf and True Individuality

You and I, as children, were given a drug: it was called approval, it was called appreciation, it was called praise, success, acceptance, popularity … Awake people break out of this drug.

– Anthony de Mello

Let me go a little deeper into the notion of “true” individuality.

Toxic individualism isn’t just about self-isolation and living under the illusion of separation– it’s also what happens in our culture where being an individual is both encouraged and punished.

If you’re too different, too weird, too maladjusted to societal structures, you’re often pathologized by medical institutions, gaslighted into thinking that you’re the broken one, or dismissed and silenced because you don’t fit into the “acceptably individualistic” mold.

The message is basically this: “Sure, be different, entertain us, and stand out – but don’t be too different, too subversive, or unique because that threatens us and the way things are. And if you’re a threat, you will be crushed and eliminated.”

On the flip side – true individuality takes a 180-degree turn and focuses the spotlight internally.

It’s similar to psychiatrist Carl Jung’s notion of individuation, which I describe in the following way in my article on the topic:

[Individuation is] the process of becoming differentiated and unique, but also a process of becoming whole and united with others. Only once you get to know the exact shape of your piece of the cosmic puzzle, will you be able to find your place within the puzzle as a whole.

True individuality is about finding your unique essence and calling – it’s about breaking away from the pack and herd to listen to your soul’s voice and walk your true path.

And this requires us to embrace solitude – internally, externally, or both. 

We need to be lone wolves to do this.

In the words of spiritual author and teacher Stephen Batchelor,

By withdrawing from the world into solitude, you separate yourself from others. By isolating yourself, you can see more clearly what distinguishes you from other people. Standing out in this way serves to affirm your existence … Liberated from social pressures and constraints, solitude can help you understand better what kind of person you are and what your life is for. In this way you become independent of others. You find your own path, your own voice.

Solitude is essential.

And so are lone wolves.

We Need to Honor the Role of the Lone Wolf in Society

The poet, the artist, the sleuth—whoever sharpens our perception tends to be antisocial; rarely ‘well-adjusted,’ he cannot go along with currents and trends. A strange bond often exists among antisocial types in their power to see environments as they really are.

– Marshall McLuhan

I get why the lone wolf identity/role has been rejected, feared, and maligned among so many.

But there’s also tremendous power and potential in this inner calling.

As more and more people begin waking up, undergoing spiritual shifts, and feeling isolated within the toxic structures of society, we need fringe dwellers who can provide fresh, revitalizing, and paradigm-shifting vantage points and perspectives.

We need mature and initiated lone wolves who have been through the inner archetypal journey of spiritual death and rebirth – those who can be the wisdomkeepers, healers, and visionaries that are in this world but not quite of this world – the mystics, sages, and spiritual wanderers that we need to reclaim a space for in this society.

I’ll be exploring this topic more in the future. There’s simply too much for me to cover here in completion.

For now, what are your thoughts? Is there anything you’d like to add to this discussion of toxic individualism, true individuality, and being a lone wolf? I’d love to hear from you in the comments – I try to read every comment and respond to as many as I can.