Traditionally, the media has been known to equate loners with mentally ill psychotics who go on murderous rampages.
And while, yes, sure, there are some disturbed ‘loners’ out there, the reality is that …
most loners are totally normal people!
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If you find yourself alone and without friends or family to rely on, I want to assure you that you’re actually in good company.
In the age of social media, global pandemics, and increasing disconnection, being a loner is becoming more common.
But there is a deeper meaning behind this solitude.
And I’ll explore that in this post.
Table of contents
9 Signs You’re a Loner
Being a loner sounds self-explanatory. But for clarity sake, here’s a list of signs that you’re a loner:
- You enjoy spending time alone more than with other people.
- You can’t connect with (or don’t have any) family members.
- You can’t connect with (or don’t have any) friends.
- You’re introspective and tend to be an introvert.
- You like to take life slowly, and the world can feel overwhelming.
- You’re a free spirit who loves independence.
- You tend to have interesting quirks.
- You have the strong desire to walk your own path as a lone wolf.
- You’re the black sheep of the family.
We also have a loner test that you can take if you’re still unsure.
Myths About Loners
Here are some common myths about loners:
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- “Loners hate people”
- “All loners lack social skills”
- “Loners are secretly plotting your death”
- “Loners are lonely people”
- “Loners are creepy”
- “Loners are all mentally ill”
Sure, while some loners might possess some of these qualities, these are not blanket statements or truths that apply to all loners.
Why Being a Loner Can Be Empowering
It’s true that as a species, we require some level of social connectedness.
Don’t worry, that will come with time!
Sometimes we’re in a space in life where we just need to retreat from the world. We need to process our thoughts and feelings, and figure out our ‘true north.’
So to counteract the previous section (those myths are widely spread and can make lonesome people feel horrible), here are some ways being a loner actually helps you:
- Being a loner helps you to develop more self-awareness
- Being a loner supports you in finding the meaning of life
- Being a loner helps you to recover from social overwhelm
- Being a loner gives you space and perspective
- Being a loner helps you to figure out your passions and interests
- Being a loner helps you to develop more independence and self-reliance
- Being a loner makes you a deeper and more interesting person
- Being a loner helps you to find your self-worth within
Can you think of any more ways that being a loner is empowering? Share in the comments!
The Deeper Meaning Behind Being a Loner
There’s a reason why this website is called ‘lonerwolf’ – it has a deeper meaning that is directly related to being a loner. And that is …
At some point in life, we must all leave the herd and find our own paths.
We must become lone wolves.
We must listen to the calling to reconnect with our Souls.
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The world can be a busy, overwhelming, pressuring, and confusing place. For those who feel a deeper spiritual calling emerge within their being, solitude is natural and needed.
In many cases, loners are empaths and old souls who are on the soul searching path. Being alone is, quite simply, a crucial part of their life path.
So in a nutshell, that is the deeper meaning behind being a loner: it’s a sign that you’re on the spiritual journey and you need the space to figure out who you are and what you want out of life.
***
If you’d like to read more about inner growth, walking your own path, and spiritual evolution, keep digging into this website. There are so many free resources and guides for you to benefit from. One related article you might enjoy is our introvert article.
Tell me, why are you a loner? What is the deeper meaning for you?
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Why is it that people at school or the ones around me look at me as if I’m a animal at the zoo just because I the new and also a loaner it sucks because at lunch I stand out and people think I want friends but in truth I like being by myself. Just thinking about the future and daydreaming in class matter of fact I’m always happy to be at home or alone to some people they find crazy of how calm and chill I am.
if you’re worried about standing out, just bring a book with you to lunch. That way, you can read and your mind will be in a different place. At first people might look/pick on you, but eventually, they’ll ignore yy. It’s sort of worked for me. There’s that one new person, but other than that, it’s great.
I don’t think that being a loner sucks. But what does suck about is being treated like a villain just because you’re a loner.
I don’t mind to be a loner, people can judge me whatever they want, I rather be alone than being with the wrong people. All the drama’s that I had been through my life, it’s really make me wiser by day. You don’t need a lot of friends or to be accepted to be happy. I choose to be happy life is too short to deal with the drama from other people. I have a lovely family and one good friend that is all that matters to me. I am not anti social, I always greet people nicely, sometimes I have a chat with my neighbors etc. Kindness is my religion, but not all people deserve my kindness and respect, it has to come from both sides.
If you’re a loner, I don’t think that you should let people judge you because that sounds like you’re letting them walk all over you. If you ask me, my types of loners have attitudes that say “Don’t mess with me.”
If anyone judges me for being a loner, I wouldn’t give him or her the chance.
I’m a loner but I’m not the stereotype the media likes to portray us as. I probably won’t come up to you and start talking and asking questions. I am however capable of carrying on a conversation if I choose to. I prefer to keep work and my private life separate. That in my experience is harder to do than it should be. No I do not want to go out and get drunk after work with my coworkers. I also don’t feel like it’s anybody’s business what my relationship status is and the history of said status.That said I am harmless. I’m not going to be one of those people you see on the news and you could indeed leave your children with me and they would be fine when you picked them up (If I would ever babysit, which I wouldn’t lol).
Yes! One of the hardest things I’ve found to do is to keep work and private life separate. It takes a lot of practice doesn’t it?
Thank you for your affirming comment.
If we weren’t such loners I think you and I would make great friends.
I don’t see any problem with being a loner, although I have to admit that I’ve felt bad about that before. I got used to it and kind of get angry when people say I am anti social, or tell me I should be more outgoing.
I became a loner as a fact of life, I got depression and I know how heavy it is, to be called names just because you can barely understand what’s going on.
Another thing I have to admit is the fact that I’ve learned so much at this point of my life, when I was depressed, so many things became crystal clear in my mind, I’m not going to say I’m thankful to the universe (and bla bla bla) for such happening in my life, because I’m not at all, but as I said: I came to understand so profoundly so many things of life, as if my soul was some sort of dark room and for some reason my depression came to give it light, I know I don’t know everything, but I know a tiny part of everything.
I know the topic here is not about how good you have made through your depression, but I had to say that, because after it all, it seems that no one has the power of making difference in me even if they try with all they have, I’m the only one who can do it..
O F**K enjoy your loneliness…
Depression, although it doesn’t seem like it, does sometimes bring the gift of clarity. Suddenly you stop the commotion of your life and become very self-focused, and this brings forth many revelations — although some of them do tend to be dramatized and distorted. When I went through depression I would spend hours in quiet reflection, and without that experience, I wouldn’t be the person I am now doing what I do. So I can see where you’re coming from Carlos. It’s very true that we are the only people who can help ourselves — we must be the people to decide — no one else can do that for us.
When I was trying to be someone I’m not and then be hurt by people, I would get depressed which in turn would force me to sit down, meditate and think on why this is happening. With that I’ve learned the path that God has set forth for me. It’s the wonderful world of solitude and peace. Because of being depressed, it made me realize who I really was and now I love my life. Now I feel in sinc with the word
I am a loner for a decade. It was by choice, and while I don’t regret this decision. I do feel the lack of having a person in life. At times, when I’m sad, or joyed, I’ve no one to share that with. As I’m growing old, the void hurts even more.
I feel like hypocrite, when I do admit, that I have wish to have someone in my life.
Not sure, how to stop feeling like this. Work is where when it gets busy, I just love it. The times when you don’t have time to think of anything else are the best. But it doesn’t always stay like this.
Do you’ve any thoughts, about any possible solution?
Abbe, don’t feel guilty. It is actually very normal to crave human contact. Some of us just need it more than others. Don’t be afraid to challenge your self-concept. It is all too easy for us to get stuck in a label of who we think we are “I am a loner” – when often we are much more complex than that. So yes, you might like to spend most of your time alone, but that doesn’t make it bad to want to spend your time with another. I consider myself to be a loner, but I am also flexible with this self-concept. I am a loner most-of-the-time, and at other times I do enjoy other people’s company.
So my advice would be to listen to this natural yearning. Try to find groups in your local area that meet up with each other over common interests, e.g. book clubs, spirituality groups, pet enthusiasts, etc. Alternatively, you could try online dating sites, or other sites like meetup.com to look for people in your area.
Hope this helps. :)
Hi
I have just read this article today and thought perhaps I would my own story to the mix, I am in my 50’s and I am married to a real nice lady , who is intelligent and thoughtful and has some of my attributes, but above all, along with my mother one of the only two friends who know me and love me, more importantly I trust their advice and value their friendship, so in saying that shall I start off ?, I came from a broken home ( I often joke I broke it myself…..hint joke ! ), as a child growing up I found solitude in the bush that I could get lost in ( I never did get lost in thousands of acres though ), I made cubby houses as a young boy, explored learning about native plants, snakes and other things in the wild, I loved watching the stars at night and seeing the clear night skies and hearing the night sounds of animals moving in the darkness, from earliest age, I found that most people lied or needed others to complete who they are, I always knew who I was, I used to trust too many people who in my youth I thought were my friends, so often at high school I was bullied and influenced by other brutish boys into doing bad things to gain exceptance, it was a process of learning for me, I could always think a situation through to its logical conclusions and ” see ” outcomes before most other people could, as result I detest bullies still and have hesitation in stickng up for myself or anyone else when needed, I learned to be a free intelligent thinker and to ask questions no else will ask when needed, I certainly do not just except what a person says, be they a Cop, Politican, Doctor or Pilot just because they have a uniform on, my attitude is always ask questions back, no matter how it makes anyone feel, but never be rude or impolite if it can be helped.
In my teen years after I filled out with broad shoulders and started to learn to not wear my heart on my sleeve with every friendly person I met, I found that going hiking alone and camping alone and being alone I loved, I don’t crave being social, my mother at one stage took my to a shrink to find out why I was so differant from other children, my younger brother for example, cannot stand being alone or being without people, most people ‘ need ” other people, I don’t need to be with anyone else to validate me or nor do I care what others think of me, I am very comfortible in my own skin, like who I am and I am a very calm person by nature, I am affable , but I don’t trust people as a rule of thumb, if a person wants my trust, they must earn it, they must show me they are worth trusting, I don’t like useless small talk and I don’t like false people or liars and people who deceive, I stand up for people less fortunate and I don’t worship money, I find too much falshood in human society, I find my Russian blue cat is a better person than most people on this planet, some of you will understand what I mean by that.
I am not on Facebok, Twitter, YT and really want to be just left alone to explore the bush, rivers, lakes and mountians in peace !, I like to draw alone, I like to hike alone , I like to motorbike alone, I like to explore the mountains and plains alone , I hunt alone, I fish alone.
I an fully confidant of physically lookng after myself alone !…….and I love all animals and respect them.
I might add, I have a strong belief in God and was brought up a Christian, but an extremely intelligent one ! one who does not leave his brain at the door of a church !.
Thanks for sharing. :) I particularly like your comments about not needing other people to validate you. That’s so important. Obviously you are doing something right in life!
This is an extremely well thought out comment.
My understand perfectly what you mean about your cat :)
I particularly appreciate your comment on respecting all animals.
We as humans have totally lost sight of what’s real and true.
I wish you all the best in your walk through life.
I am a huge loner I barely go out all I do is go to work and then I come home and drink like 3 or 4 glasses of wine. The last time I went on a trip was like 7 years ago. Sometimes I feel like I am a loser and most people I think probably think I am. Then what makes me so weird I have never had a girlfriend in my whole life. I think I am a huge loser for that. I am 25 years old and never had one g/f in my life.
Ironically not accepting your solitary nature and criticizing yourself makes you even less desirable in the eyes of women. Learn to accept that you are a loner and learn to embrace the person you are, and soon others will as well.
I think I will accept my fate as being a loner and I am just wondering if there is more than just me.
Good choice. I’m sure it will bring you a lot of fulfillment in the long run, as it has to me. :)
I was raised as an only child we owned a store in philadelphia and lived upstairs in an apartment i spent lots of time by myself when i wasnt downstairs with my parents. We had people who worked for us mostly teenagers or very young adults so there was lots of contact with them.
At sometime in my younger years i began to feel lonely and for the longest time wanted to be around people and when i got married had kid then divorced and moved back home i wasnt ever lalone but still felt lonely? anyway my parents are now dead my kids are grown and live on there own and somewhere things switched i LOVE being by myself and to much social contact overwhelms me i find myself craving for just the peace and quiet of being in my own space and not being obligated to tslk to or be around other people i much prefer emailing using facebook and simetimes talking on the phone
now i even turn my cell off for days at a time this way nobody can bother me ir ask me to do anything! crazy because i use to live on the phone which annoyed my family.
I do not think there is anything wrong with being a loner sometimes it just makes life easier to just be by yourself its not that i dislike people i just dont feel like dealing with their drama or their petty problems or listen to theor opinions thoughts or feelings its like i am emotionaly cold where i was once much different. Also people always comment how friendly and easy to talk to i am? Am i weird strange different i have no idea and i dont really care!
I feel my two dogs are great company. Although they cant talk its still company.
I dont harbor bad feelings to the very social people because i believe some people just NEED lots of people in their lives to feel complete i am just not one of those types!
That is a healthy perspective Gina, to not harbor feelings of dislike towards others who are different from you. Acceptance of who you are and who others are is one of the greatest gifts in life. Thank you for sharing. :)
this is so sad like me :(
Why is it sad Ian?
A MAN WITH NO PEOPLE CANNOT BE BETRAYED i love and live by that
A man with no people cannot be loved either, or give love.
How so?