Traditionally, the media has been known to equate loners with mentally ill psychotics who go on murderous rampages.
And while, yes, sure, there are some disturbed ‘loners’ out there, the reality is that …
most loners are totally normal people!
If you find yourself alone and without friends or family to rely on, I want to assure you that you’re actually in good company.
In the age of social media, global pandemics, and increasing disconnection, being a loner is becoming more common.
But there is a deeper meaning behind this solitude.
And I’ll explore that in this post.
Table of contents
9 Signs You’re a Loner
Being a loner sounds self-explanatory. But for clarity sake, here’s a list of signs that you’re a loner:
- You enjoy spending time alone more than with other people.
- You can’t connect with (or don’t have any) family members.
- You can’t connect with (or don’t have any) friends.
- You’re introspective and tend to be an introvert.
- You like to take life slowly, and the world can feel overwhelming.
- You’re a free spirit who loves independence.
- You tend to have interesting quirks.
- You have the strong desire to walk your own path as a lone wolf.
- You’re the black sheep of the family.
We also have a loner test that you can take if you’re still unsure.
Myths About Loners
Here are some common myths about loners:
- “Loners hate people”
- “All loners lack social skills”
- “Loners are secretly plotting your death”
- “Loners are lonely people”
- “Loners are creepy”
- “Loners are all mentally ill”
Sure, while some loners might possess some of these qualities, these are not blanket statements or truths that apply to all loners.
Why Being a Loner Can Be Empowering
It’s true that as a species, we require some level of social connectedness.
Don’t worry, that will come with time!
Sometimes we’re in a space in life where we just need to retreat from the world. We need to process our thoughts and feelings, and figure out our ‘true north.’
So to counteract the previous section (those myths are widely spread and can make lonesome people feel horrible), here are some ways being a loner actually helps you:
- Being a loner helps you to develop more self-awareness
- Being a loner supports you in finding the meaning of life
- Being a loner helps you to recover from social overwhelm
- Being a loner gives you space and perspective
- Being a loner helps you to figure out your passions and interests
- Being a loner helps you to develop more independence and self-reliance
- Being a loner makes you a deeper and more interesting person
- Being a loner helps you to find your self-worth within
Can you think of any more ways that being a loner is empowering? Share in the comments!
The Deeper Meaning Behind Being a Loner
There’s a reason why this website is called ‘lonerwolf’ – it has a deeper meaning that is directly related to being a loner. And that is …
At some point in life, we must all leave the herd and find our own paths.
We must become lone wolves.
We must listen to the calling to reconnect with our Souls.
The world can be a busy, overwhelming, pressuring, and confusing place. For those who feel a deeper spiritual calling emerge within their being, solitude is natural and needed.
In many cases, loners are empaths and old souls who are on the soul searching path. Being alone is, quite simply, a crucial part of their life path.
So in a nutshell, that is the deeper meaning behind being a loner: it’s a sign that you’re on the spiritual journey and you need the space to figure out who you are and what you want out of life.
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If you’d like to read more about inner growth, walking your own path, and spiritual evolution, keep digging into this website. There are so many free resources and guides for you to benefit from. One related article you might enjoy is our introvert article.
Tell me, why are you a loner? What is the deeper meaning for you?
I am all alone in this world, which doesn’t really bother me that much until I have to fill out forms that ask questions like “do I have a next of kin” and “do I have an emergency contact”, to which I have to answer “no”. I have no family, no friends… no one ever calls me to ask how I am… no one I can call if I ever need anything. I worry sometimes that if I ever have to spend time in hospital, not only would I have no visitors what-so-ever but there’s no one I can ask to do my laundry for me or bring me my personal things from home. I also worry sometimes that if I died at home right now or tomorrow or whenever, no one would know or even care. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not feeling depressed or sorry for myself or anything. That’s just a fact of (my) life. It is what it is. It’s not like I never go out. I do. But I prefer to do things by myself and if I have to go out with other people, I am quite sociable and friendly but when I sense that people or a person has no interest in anything I have to say, I’m not one to persevere and try harder. I’d be more than happy to politely make my excuses and go home. And it would always feel so good to be home again.
I had seen this website a few times in the past but never paid much attention to it or read very many articles. I think it’s because I’ve been in such denial about being a loner and trying my hardest not to be one. But at my core being, I am one. And I’m only now realizing this. I’ve been fighting for too many years to reverse my loner nature. Thinking that there is something wrong with me for wanting to be a loner. Getting scared about studies saying solitude is dangerous for your health. But I’m happiest when I’m in that mode. This article felt like a weight coming off of my shoulders. Telling me that it is ok to be this way and I’m aloud to let go of the ego who is fighting to be something that my true self cannot be. Liberating.
I’m so glad to hear that, Dylan! <3
Sometimes I feel nobody understands but I don’t care at all. I just love and look forward to being alone every day. Mostly either with just my car or cat.
If I’m forced to interact with work,friends, or family all day I’m always thinking during this how happy I’m going to be later especially at home with just my cat and betta fish watching cooking shows or the weather channel! Or going for an hour or 2 drive around town by myself. I find myself saying in my head more and more as I get older”I can hardly wait to be alone”. I am fully functional and happy and liked and respected otherwise. But ive never really found anyone who enjoys being alone as much as me. I certainly will NEVER suffer from loneliness- I know that!
I looked this up on the internet and glad I found you and your posters. Thanks
Thank you for sharing this Bob ♡
Being a loner can actually be empowering. In the beginning, my parents forced me to go ahead and ‘make some connections’, because I was always so lonely and quiet. But I have never truly been able to connect with most of my ‘friends’. Even today, I have one or two kindred spirits close to me. People think I am cold, distant or simply weird. But I do not care. I do what feels right, and distancing myself from a demanding society makes me feel great!
It was a highly relatable and guiding article (for those who have misconceptions about loners).
Agreed. Thank you for saying this.
Also important work requires concentration. Being able to be alone, helps us practice concentration, study data, formulate ideas, figure out connections, and tests our thoughts, and allows space to sit on it awhile and look at it again. Great thought requires both dedication, rest and time for fun or unwind. Being alone enough us essential for both my well-being and success at my work.
Yes, absolutely. Thanks for sharing Deb. I find that this is true for my own writing – I must be in solitude, otherwise it’s just too distracting and difficult! There are benefits of being alone when you’re a highly creative person.
I am a loner, I love driving in the car fast on autobahn alone gng to a library, apart from Dad who has passed away, I have 2 people I can talk to that really get me, otherwise I have so called friends who are fun but if I end up not gng they don’t even remember about it.
This hurts too
I have recently become a loner. But do I feel lonely? Yes. Do I feel depressed? Yes. Do I hate people? No.
I have become a loner because I came to a point that I realized that the only time I had a conversation with anyone (other than my wife) is when I initiated the conversation.
I was a long haul truck driver for 24 years. And I retired 1 1/2 years ago. About 5 months before the Chinavirus. And not 1 person has offered to buy me a cup of coffee or a slice of pie. Or join them for a meal. Noboby has initiated a conversation with me since I retired. Before I retired and attended a party, I was included in conversation for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. Whenever I tried to make a comment, I was usually interrupted. So I stopped trying. And as far as I’m concerned, if people don’t initiate a conversation with me once in awhile, it tells me that they don’t want to talk with me. A couple of years ago about 15 people came to our house for New Years and they were all in the kitchen with my wife, and not 1 person was in the living room with me. So I quit going to parties. I’d rather be alone at home instead of being being alienated at a party. And I quit trying to communicate with these people.
I can relate to that struggle to connect with others Nick, it’s hard, especially if you’re sensitive. Sometimes even trying to actively initiate conversation and keep it going doesn’t work because of the different internal energetic wavelengths. In other words, some people just don’t “vibe” or relate to us on a deeper level (that, or they lack basic social skills!). That’s okay. This world is so large that eventually we’re bound to find someone to talk with. And if not, I like to know that animals and nature are easy to connect with on a meaningful level, and they’re always there for you!
Hey Nick, can you not call it the Chinavirus. It’s called Coronavirus. Your comment is contributing to the Asian hate going on in the US and around the world right now (I’m Chinese American). Shame on Lonerwolf for not picking up on this use of hate.
Thanks Luna for this beautiful article. My loner-ness first came as the result of being single for over ten years. Almost no dates or relationship activity of any kind. Constant romantic rejection no matter who it was. And in some cases, even conflicting legal troubles. As you said, it burns. Over time, I’ve realized that rejection pain is far more than just “oh darn, I cant be intimate with that person.” It seems like a downright rejection of ourselves, which probably goes back to needing moms love as a baby to survive. And if you’re like me, many times the rejection comes not with politeness but with blocking, the termination of old friendships, and of course, of illusions. I say this not to play victim but simply to share my story freely and honestly in the presence of a supportive community. I will say though that this rejection, as difficult and torturous as it was at times, ended up being one of the best things to happen to me because it allowed (if not forced) me to get in touch with my “loner” (I just accidentally write lover, haha, which is equally appropriate!) and opened me up to a side of myself I never knew existed. And it might never have happened had any of these people said yes. Thank you and Sol for providing support and space for those of us who sometimes struggle to achieve social status or who abhore the social structure of modern society in favor of the quiet and loving truth of our own being.
I am 68, almost 69. Married but, have basically been a loner most of my life. My husband and I have 3 grown daughters who were involved in numerous activities. I was a stay at home mom for many years but later worked as a teacher and then a nurse. I still continue to do some teaching. My friends consist of 4 women I have known throughout my life. Two are my age and two are about ten years younger. I talk and get together with the 2 friends my age and try to keep contact as best I can with the other 2. Lately I’ve tried to get involved in groups because they say that will help you live longer but, it does not usually go well. I usually end up saying or doing something I end up regretting. Is it so wrong to be a loner? I’ve been this way my whole life. I am happy this way. It doesn’t seem like trying to force myself to be someone else, because society says so, seems counterintuitive. The only reason I would force myself, is if it truly added years to my life. Even though, I would be miserable.
What a relief it is to find others just like me…..I’ve been a purebred loner my entire life, despite everyone’s efforts to make me “normal”. Wish I knew how to end this terrible prejudice that is never spoken about. It’s as bad as racism, misogynism, anti-semitism, etc. At least those poor people have seen some progress over the years. I love reading other peoples “loner” stories. I love to read, music, exercise, watch TV; anything to be alone.
Funny that I found this today. Five hours or so ago, my mother told me “I was watching a movie with a character that was exactly like you (she meant a loner). He ended up being the killer”.
I crave time alone and don’t suffer with loneliness. I can entertain myself going for a walk, cleaning, music, gaming, listening to audible books etc. I work in a highly sociable job in a supermarket. – it is making me incredibly miserable. I’m festering up so much negative energy and it takes a few hours of home time to relax from the effects of work. Some days arent as bad as this but I still hope for the day of finding a more emotionally suitable job.
My passiveness and social anxiety has made things worse for me as people assume I’m stuck up I think.
As much as I’m a happy loner. There is part of me that also craves a real, deep, genuine soul to soul connection. But im in no rush as I’m not going to find that connection until I get my self in the frame of mind im working towards.
I crave time alone and don’t suffer with loneliness. I can entertain myself going for a walk, cleaning, music, gaming, listening to audible books etc. I work in a highly sociable job in a supermarket. – it is making me incredibly miserable. I’m festering up so much negative energy and it takes a few hours of home time to relax from the effects of work. Some days arent as bad as this but I still hope for the day of finding a more emotionally suitable job.
My passiveness and social anxiety has made things worse for me as people assume I’m stuck up I think.
As much as I’m a happy loner. There is part of me that also craves a real, deep, genuine soul to soul connection. But im in no rush as I’m not going to find that connection until I get my self in the frame of mind im working towards. Xx
I Have always been happy with my own company and hated it when adults insisted that I played with the other kids, just give me a good book, a good video, and a glass of single malt scotch and I am happy. I don’t hate the world, or other people, I just prefer to be alone.
In place of the happy-thankful words I don’t really have yet:, thank you for this post! I love people, my people, random people who are kind enough to say hi to me, even the ones who give me the finger in traffic (really—the first time that happened to me I actually felt amused and a little proud? Like yup—had that coming and it’s actually happened). My point: sometimes being a loner fits better for those who really need to practice collecting thoughts, turning those thoughts into words and then making decisions. Loners—which I really think can be all of us at some point in their lives—are for the most part just taking a break for whatever reason, to get their $&@: together, or healing, or just chilling. Yes, we are social, we do like to huddle and hug—and I can’t speak for everyone but, for me personally, sometimes wanting to be alone is so that you can actually appreciate those hugs and maybe hug yourself a little. I dunno. I just appreciate this, thanks again.
Love this article, as I am a loner by choice and love it!
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