You feel lost in life. You’re sick of your job, your relationships are mediocre at best, your friendships are boring and empty, you feel dead inside, and you’ve lost the zest for life …
Can you relate to any of these feelings or experiences?
If you can, you might be going through an increasingly common experience known as the existential crisis. In other words, you’re at a crossroads in life: you’re feeling stuck and you’re starting to crave a more meaningful existence.
So what’s the solution to this gnawing angst?
Soul searching.
You might have heard this term before but not given it much attention or importance. Am I right?
Well, I’m here today to point out that (1) you’ve arrived at this page for a reason, and (2) soul searching is a vital part of every life journey in this world.
In this article, my intention is to show you why and how.
Table of contents
- Soul searching.
- What Does Soul Searching Mean? (Definition)
- Why Soul Loss is the Root Cause of Soul Searching
- 19 Signs You’re a Lost Soul
- How to Do Some Soul Searching (7 Paths)
- What could be more vital than connecting with your innate, fundamental, spiritual Essence?
- 1. Make friends with solitude
- 2. Explore the nature of your ego
- 3. Reconnect with your child self
- 4. Reflect, introspect, and visualize
- 5. Connect with nature and the wildness within you
- 6. Ask some soul searching questions
- 7. Find your soul space and place
What Does Soul Searching Mean? (Definition)
To put it simply, soul searching is the quest to answer life’s problems and questions. When most people refer to ‘soul searching,’ they are talking about uncovering truth and happiness by questioning our thoughts, habits, and motivations. But soul searching also has a deeper meaning. At its core, soul searching is a return to the center of your being. Quite literally, it is a journey to find your Soul or True Nature; it is a spiritual path. And usually, it marks the beginning of the spiritual awakening journey.
Why Soul Loss is the Root Cause of Soul Searching
Why do some of us have such an intense, visceral desire to soul search? To find what is meaningful, true, authentic, and deep?
The answer is soul loss.
When we are disconnected from our Souls we feel anxious, depressed, lonely, isolated, and chronically dissatisfied with life.
To overcome this pain, we need to reconnect with the deepest, rawest, most alive, and fundamental part of ourselves.
Indigenous and shamanic cultures for thousands of years have known about the phenomenon of soul loss, and it’s an increasing epidemic in our society.
In our age of technology, in a society run on materialistic ideals and egotism, we are becoming increasingly disconnected from the wild, raw, and primal Center of our being.
As Gary Zukav writes:
We have not turned our attention to the needs of the soul. We have not considered what is required by the soul in order to be healthy. We have not studied the soul, or sought to help it attain what is necessary to its evolution and its health. Because we have been fivesensory, we have focused upon the body and the personality. We have developed an extensive knowledge of the physical apparatus that the soul assumes when it incarnates. We know of amino acids, neurotransmitters, chromosomes, and enzymes, but we do not know of the soul.
So what exactly is soul loss?
As we explain in our soul loss article:
When we experience Soul Loss, a part of our Soul – or living essence – ‘hides’ or shuts away, hindering us from expressing and experiencing our true potential and wholeness as human beings. Often times entire aspects of our psyches are completely blocked out or repressed.
There are many causes of soul loss. Some of the common reasons are listed below:
- Childhood trauma (physical, emotional, mental, or sexual abuse; divorce; immigration; death in the family; abandonment, bullying, etc.)
- Adult trauma (job loss, poverty, rape, violence, divorce, mental health issues, isolation, accidents, death of loved ones, discrimination, etc.)
- Social conditioning
- Religious brainwashing
- Overuse of technology/entertainment (i.e., a form of numbing and escapism)
- Inherited ancestral trauma
- Materialism
- Scientific/reductionist values and structure of society
… and the list goes on.
Essentially, anything that threatens our physical, mental, or emotional survival – and any addictive, one-sided, suppressive ideology or habit – causes soul loss.
As a result, most of us feel a nagging, looming feeling that something is wrong …
Something is missing. We’re not happy with ourselves or our lives, no matter how popular, successful, or attractive we are.
Something is always missing.
And what’s missing is the connection we have with our Soul.
19 Signs You’re a Lost Soul
The truth is that most people in society are lost souls.
They don’t know about, aren’t interested in, and have never dipped into the vast waters of their True Nature. Instead, they operate solely from the ego, the false self, that was constructed since childhood to defend against the overwhelming magnitude of Life.
Even when such people do begin to hear the longing of the Soul to break free and be seen, they suppress it. They go back to the beliefs, habits, and structures in society that reinforce mindlessness and soullessness – because it’s easier, it’s less intimidating, less confronting.
But eventually, the longing becomes so intense that they have no choice but to listen. This is the beginning of the spiritual awakening process: the dismantling of the ego and the blossoming of our Soul or True Nature.
However, there’s an in-between place: a limbo. This is the space where lost souls dwell.
In this limbo, this dance between the old dissolving and the new not-yet-coming-into-being is deeply felt.
One feels stuck, lost, empty, alone, and scared. There is the temptation to go back to old ways of being, but at the same time, there’s a profound sense of dissatisfaction with everything.
If you’re stuck in this limbo, you might experience the following symptoms:
- You feel constantly lethargic and fatigued
- You have no motivation and feel restless
- You feel alone
- You feel unhappy with your life
- You crave for something ‘more’
- You’ve become the outsider or black sheep of the family
- You’re frequently irritable and moody
- You’re undergoing a mid life or quarter life crisis
- You’re more prone to addictions
- You struggle with self-loathing
- You keep trying to numb the pain, but nothing works
- You feel fundamentally ‘broken’
- You struggle with existential depression and anxiety
- You feel like something is missing within you
- You’re bored and dissatisfied with others and life
- You feel stuck and stranded
- You struggle with feeling empty inside
- You don’t know who you are anymore
- You want to know what the point of everything is
Can you relate?
If so, you’re certainly not alone.
Welcome to the lost souls club. Motto: I can’t get no, satisfaction.
Read more: 21 Signs You’re Experiencing “Soul Loss” »
How to Do Some Soul Searching (7 Paths)
It’s because we feel separate from oneness that we begin to search, the search for completion, the search to come home.
– Jeff Foster
It’s easy to soul search in the modern secularized sense of the term. All we need to do is introspect a little and ask ourselves some pointed questions. Traveling is often touted as a great way to soul search for young, bright-eyed seekers.
But soul searching, in the spiritual sense of the term, is much harder. It’s more elusive, more slippery, more complex.
Nevertheless, to my knowledge, it is the most worthy and important pursuit in existence.
What could be more vital than connecting with your innate, fundamental, spiritual Essence?
If you’re seeking to answer questions to mundane issues (like what job do I suit, should I get married, etc.) then perhaps the below recommendations won’t satisfy you.
On the other hand, if you’re looking to dive deep, learn how to find yourself and how to be true to yourself, and unite with your True Nature, keep reading:
1. Make friends with solitude
Solitude will be your greatest ally when it comes to soul searching. Be a lone wolf. How else can you listen to the whispers of your Soul in a chaotic, noisy world? The answer is that it’s extremely difficult unless you have undergone years of rigorous meditation training (which, mind you, most people haven’t).
So make regular time and space to spend with yourself away from others – no technology interruptions either (digital people are still people). Think about dedicating ten minutes to half an hour (or more) each day to an activity of your choice. You might choose something passive, such as meditation, or active, such as taking a stroll through the woods. Honor your level of energy and go with it. This is a simple but powerful way of learning how to find yourself.
2. Explore the nature of your ego
If your Soul is your True Nature, your ego is your false self: it’s the mask you present to the world.
Your ego is much like a cloud. It appears to have form, but it changes and morphs constantly.
Question: have you ever noticed that you put on different roles with different people? Yep. That’s your ego in action – it’s not solid, and essentially, it’s a misrepresentation of who you really are.
Unfortunately, our ego genuinely believes it is who we really are. Because it’s so convinced that it’s real, it will reject any attempt to dismantle it because it perceives that as a death threat. And so, growth of any kind is extremely difficult because the ego is always trying to protect itself.
As we can see, exploring the nature of your ego (and learning to gently see through it) is a crucial step in your soul searching journey. In fact, it’s the single biggest block to tasting and embodying who you really are.
Some ways to explore your ego include:
- Journaling – writing down your thoughts, self-beliefs, habits, likes, hates, and so on
- Self-inquiry – asking constantly “who am I?” and seeing what changes, fades, or dies (these are your ego elements); paradoxically, we discover who we are by seeing who we are not.
- Meditation – learning how to witness your thoughts and the stories constructed by the mind
These three simple practices can have a tremendous impact on your ability to see clearly and experience the truth of who you really are.
3. Reconnect with your child self
As author and psychotherapist, Dr. Neal Marshall Goldsmith writes:
The soul … is this part of us that is the earliest, deepest, and the most authentic part of us.
Your inner child carries the original qualities of your Soul that you were born with. And thankfully, it’s not that difficult to reconnect with your inner child.
I’ve written a lot about inner child work on this website in the past, but to summarize, here are a few ways to tap into your childhood self:
- Write a letter to your inner child
- Do an inner child visualization (there are many for free on youtube)
- Look at pictures of your inner child
- Do something your inner child loved to do when you were little
Approach these activities gently. Make observations about your younger self: did s/he smile more? Was she more in touch with emotions? Did she seem more curious and creative?
Reflect on the you now and the you then. What qualities from your inner child can you integrate more into your life?
4. Reflect, introspect, and visualize
Soul searching is an inwards adventure. Therefore, the practices and steps you take toward finding your inner Center will often require reflection and introspection. Visualization enhances these two qualities and helps you to retrieve knowledge and guidance through the power of imagination.
Poet and philosopher, Mark Nepo, shares a beautiful visualization in his book The Book of Awakening:
Close your eyes and breathe your way beneath your troubles, the way a diver slips to that depth of stillness that is always waiting beneath the churning of the waves.
Now, consider two things you love doing, such as running, drawing, singing, bird-watching, gardening, or reading.
Meditate on what it is in each of these that makes you feel alive.
Hold what they have in common before you, and breathing slowly, feel the spot of grace these dear things mirror within you.
This example of reflection, introspection, and visualization is perfect for soul searching as it gets you in touch with your basic aliveness: the essence of your Soul.
You can listen to or create any visualization that appeals to you, just make sure it’s Soul-centered.
5. Connect with nature and the wildness within you
Nature is tremendously healing and revivifying to the human Soul.
We often think of ourselves as separate from nature. We’re human and “above” nature, after all, right? Wrong. We’re an inseparable part of nature. Our blood, bones, hair, skin, and entrails are all stuff of the earth: animalistic, carnal, corporeal.
Despite centuries of domestication, the human Soul still retains its innate, fundamentally wild nature. We are not wild in the sense of ‘uncontrollable’ or ‘feral,’ but wild in the sense that the Center of our Being can’t fully be tamed: it is essentially free. We are, at our core, all free spirits. We see this in moments of heroism, in the primal screams of childbirth, in the grunts of lovemaking, and the belly-deep laughs of mirth.
To get in touch with our basic wildness is to unite with a fundamental quality of the Soul – and that can easily be rediscovered in the domain of nature.
It’s not difficult or taxing to reconnect with nature. All it requires is just a couple of minutes a day outside, mindfully observing the trees, the animals, the clouds, and the sun rays beaming through the clouds. If you’re lucky enough to live close to a natural reserve, you might like to practice the Japanese art of Forest Bathing or take a blanket and have a picnic.
If you’re in the city, there’s still the opportunity to connect with nature. Go to the local park, listen to sounds of nature on your phone, buy a potted plant. When your heart is open, there are endless ways for nature to creep, dig, weave, and sprout its way into your life.
6. Ask some soul searching questions
Questions are simple and direct ways of finding your personal truth. And living truthfully is living authentically: it is respecting the nature of your own Soul.
Some questions you might like to ask during your soul searching journey might include the following:
- Who am I?
- What do I want in life?
- What is the meaning of life?
- What is my true purpose?
- What is authentic within me?
- What is inauthentic within me?
- What does happiness mean to me?
- What would truly fulfill me?
- Where is my ego an obstacle?
- What is a Soul quality of mine?
- What legacy do I want to leave?
These are only a few examples of soul searching questions, so feel free to create and ask your own. Also, you might like to turn these questions into journaling prompts to regularly reflect on and answer.
7. Find your soul space and place
Sound confusing? I’ll explain.
A soul place is a physical location that deeply calls to you: it speaks to your Soul. You might feel a sense of nostalgic longing for this place, a sense of deep resonance, and almost mystical significance.
Soul places can be mundane areas (such as your backyard), untouched areas (such as a place in the wilderness), or holy sites (such as Stonehenge, Uluru, Notre Dame Cathedral, etc.).
You will feel a sense of expansion in these places, deep peace, and like you have finally ‘found home.’ What has happened is that you’ve found an external representation of the inner heaven within you. That’s why Soul places touch us so deeply.
Your soul space, on the other hand, is an inner experience of your True Nature. We often inhabit our soul spaces in moments of prayer, contemplation, altered states of consciousness, and deep meditation.
As Mark Nepo writes,
Each person is born with an unencumbered spot—free of expectation and regret, free of ambition and embarrassment, free of fear and worry—an umbilical spot of grace where we were each first touched by God. It is this spot of grace that issues peace. Psychologists call this spot the Psyche, theologians call it the Soul, Jung calls it the Seat of the Unconscious, Hindu masters call it Atman, Buddhists call it Dharma, Rilke calls it Inwardness, Sufis call it Qalb, and Jesus calls it the Center of our Love. To know this spot of Inwardness is to know who we are, not by surface markers of identity, not by where we work or what we wear or how we like to be addressed, but by feeling our place in relation to the Infinite and by inhabiting it.
To inhabit this soul space, we need to break through the barriers of the ego through various methods of inner work – that is the doing side of things. The other side is being: we need a practice that helps us to cultivate inner stillness and silence. And the best method I know of for experiencing this state is meditation.
By practicing both inner work techniques and meditation, we embody more and more our True Nature. And finally, as Turkish poet and Sufi mystic Yunus Emre writes, we discover that:
I am the drop that contains the sea. How beautiful to be an ocean hidden within an infinite drop.
***
To soul search is to be fully human, to embark on the greatest journey that life offers us: the spiritual quest.
I hope this article and guidance I’ve offered inspires you to dive deeper and reunite with the Essence of who you really are.
In conclusion, I’ll leave you with a beautiful soul searching quote by poet and novelist Herman Hesse:
All births mean separation from the All, the confinement within limitation, the separation from God, the pangs of being born ever anew. The return into the All, the dissolution of painful individuation, the reunion with God means the expansion of the soul until it is able once more to embrace the All.
Wait! Don’t leave yet. Tell me:
what difficulties have you faced on your soul searching journey? What triumphs? I’d love to hear from you below.
***
Read more about the Spiritual Journey »
I am 21 years old and not we’re I want to be in life honestly. I know they say don’t compare your life to others but with social media nowadays it’s hard not to. I dedicated my whole life to the sport of basketball. To the point that growing up I didn’t have any friends really. I would spend every day in the gym for count less hours playing the game I love. I wasn’t hanging with friends like most people my age would. When I was 17-18 I went through a real hard time in my life. I lost someone really close to me that I loved. Which drove me to depression. Girls were always something I cared about and during this time I was in a very toxic relationship. I was getting cheated on but I loved this girl so I ignored it. Now that I’m older and growing through the young adult phase. I can’t come to an agreement on how I’m feeling about life. I tend to question myself what is the meaning of this thing we call Life. I had dreams growing up and e en though I worked so hard I didn’t accomplish some of them. Girls and basketball is what literally drives me I guess I would say. But I can never get the girls I want and haven’t gotten the success I deserve in basketball. I just can’t figure out what my purpose in life is yet. I just want to be happy but I don’t what will be that thing that does make me happy.
Hey Anthony,
Thanks for reaching out brother. I hear you and I can see how what you’ve experienced can be demoralizing. I hope something in this article has helped or inspired you to find a way forward. Often what we think is an obstacle is actually a great lesson, a path forward, a helper in disguise. May you find all that you’re looking for. <3
Dear Luna and Sol, it’s been a while to me that I am being fans of your works. Recently, I am into soul searching after facing soul loss and dark night of soul. However, I am still confuse to continue my step-do I still experiencing soul loss or maybe it already lead me to soul searching. Hopefully you can still write about soul searching. I am delighted to receive the updates over the e-mail (yes, I am as well already subscribe your e-mail digest). Thank you :)
Thank you Bramantyo! It’s great to hear from you. And yes, we both plan to write and mention more about soul searching in the future. :)
Great topic! I love reading your articles and insight. My question pertains to Inner Child work. You suggest remembering back to what brought you joy as a child. What if you are unable to remember the joy and innocence when you were a child because you’ve experienced sexual abuse from the earliest childhood memories? How do you remember such a feeling that may not have ever been felt? Understanding I have a lot of Inner Child work to do, but knowing I’ve been and probably will be working through this step throughout my life.
That’s the thing about me. I’ve been doing everything above for several years, and still something is missing. A lot has improved, mind you, but something is missing. I’m not exactly anxious, depressed or any type of strong negative emotion anymore, but at the same time, I don’t feel strong positive emotions as much. I just feel . . . empty.
What was I like as a kid that I could learn from? I feel like it would not be seen as a “deep” childhood due to the Gen Z influences, because hell, how many times have I experienced boomers making fun of us anyway?
But it’s worth the try. When I was a kid, I loved playing in the playground. I was still short enough to climb through the monkey bars. I loved playing those dumb video games, instead of the more adult video games I often do. I seem to get this societal pressure that adults enjoy darker and more intellectual series, and honestly I really do, but part of myself just wants a break playing optimistic Mario Kart without having a game that has to make me worry about the end of the world.
It’s something I’m always irritated with that many older adults don’t see when being attached to video games — a lot of these games have a nostalgic sentimental depth to our childhoods that a lot of older adults don’t realize. It is an art form — from the animation, to the music, to the engaging story and through the unique mechanics of the game. I remember that sentimental song, “The Song of Healing,” from a legend of zelda game, deeply haunting, sad, and hopeful at the same time. Those are the types of emotions we can feel from a game, but honestly, it feels like all those technological pleasures I’ve went through all my childhood life is looked down upon. I remember watching this docuseries on Netflix, “The Toys that Made Us,” and how all those TV shows as well as toys impacted us growing up. How Star Trek toys encouraged so many future engineers and scientists to really want to explore other planets. How Power Rangers allowed people to bond together with their own families while watching and playing in the encouragement of being a hero for good. How My Little Pony encouraged little girls and not to mention a lot of the adults who watch the show (Eg. “Bronies”, male MLP fans) to have a girly show where the girls aren’t sweet and sugary all the time, but can be tough or smart, as their personalities can be. It’s a documentary series about toys at front, but it’s so much deeper than that — it’s a show how modern play impacts our ways of seeing the world.
I don’t know, I just miss that. Today, I make myself do difficult things regularly to “challenge” myself. But really, I wish I can just turn off my brain somewhat, and still have fun. I overthink every single step on whether a form of play sounds more “spiritual” than others, but modern play is my own type of spirituality now, if you ask me.
I don’t know. I just . . . I know how to work hard. But I just. . . I forgot what it’s like to be lazy, to not be going after some kind of profound goal at the time. My life always has to have to go for a direction. As a kid, I always had fun in just being lost in all these little games in the playground and in game consoles.
I just don’t know how to do that anymore.
I just recently watched Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things on Netflix. I am rethinking my life and life in general, for the best. I think it would help you, also.
I am awake and struggling . I seem to have an extra symptom on here I have not heard yet. The symptoms I have are everyone that has been outlined on here except I am being followed by beings that I cannot identify totally. I know it sounds insane but it’s the truth and they are making my life very difficult. Just wondering if anyone else has this issue if so can you tell me what these beings want with me I’m under constant surveillance by them and they just follow me and observe me and psychologically do things to me.
Thank you for another beautiful article. I am going through Dark Night of the Soul, Existential Crisis, grief, depression all rolled up together. I recently retired, moved from the city that was home for 30 years (Vancouver), left my relationship of 13 years and moved 400 miles away to the country. I am HSP/empath and took on all the emotional overload from my relationship, all his financial problems. I was completely burned out and depressed from my job and relationship so I knew I had to leave. It took a long time to get it all together to actually make the move as everything overwhelms me and this was major. Then also many months to get re-settled, unpack and then do a lot of yard work this summer. My ex is already in a new relationship. Now I finally have free time and all of a sudden I am in a total state of grief, Dark Night, existential crisis that I was not in while I was dealing with everything. Now I am also second guessing my decision to move because I miss my friends, living by the ocean, I even miss my dysfunctional relationship and I feel completely lost and directionless. All the time while I was working full time I did many creative projects on the side to keep my sanity and now that I have finally got the time I am unmotivated. I meditate a lot more, do yoga and work out, journal, read but can’t find any creative energy. And I’ve been crying and screaming since the end of July, screaming into a pillow or in my car. I am completely lost.
Keep goingI had a different journey to you, but am in a similar place. I am transitioning into my older years, and cannot find my purpose. I am in grief from nursing both my parents through their death. I am trapped in a house too large, it will not sell, and takes up all my energy when all I want to do is move to a simpler way of being. I am exhausted with trying to get to a simpler pared down life. And then six months ago,I fell off a roof, and broke a vertabrae in my back. Recently while having an energy body massage, I realised that I felt like a salmon, or trout, as they struggle and swim against the current of the river, they thrash over rocks, leap over flashing water, all in a determination to get to their spawning grounds. So this is what I think this phase of my life is about, struggling against the current, knowing that I will arrive where I am meant to be, so I will keep meditating, yin yoga, journeling, walking walking walking, heal my back, be kind to others, see to the demands of this house, keep going forward with selling it, with utter faith that I will arrive. Also knowing I am not lone in this sprirtual quest.
I have for some time thought I am experiencing some sort of “breakdown” but don’t care much for the labels of depression or anxiety so the finding of the existential crisis /shadow work/soul loss is something I would love to explore…however… My next huge crisis is in full swing right now and I have no idea how to save myself
I’m feeling a tremendous amount of emptiness in my life right now. I’m feeling a constant piercing pain in my solar plexus. It always occurs at night, when all is quiet, and never during the day. I already went through a dark night of the Soul (extremely painfull, more than words can express). During that time, I thought I wouldn’t survive, but I did thanks to my strong body I believe. That experience made me stronger, no doubt of that. And after that time a lot of things got better in my life. But I thought that was it, that I never would feel lost again. These days don’t feel such an intense depression as I felt during the dark night; what I’m feeling now is stiffness in my professional life and a lack of possibilities to be in contact with nature, which I cannot live without. My soul is asking for me to leave my country of origin since that is what stoping my self-fulfillment. I feel stuck where I am and need to move but I still don’t have the means. I’m going to need a source of income as an expat in a foreign country. But due to my high sensitivity, I’m sure I would work well at a job I might not like or enjoy doing. Also, the risk is high, I fear for my life if I would make this attempt. I ‘m trying to stay positive about outcomes possibilities but dealing with uncertainty is painfully hard, especially in a world where almost everything revolves around money and materialism. I know by leaving my country I would feel much much better, but the risk is high. I don’t know what’s best for me to do. People in another country just won’t care about my financial situation or emotional needs. I don’t have anyone. I was abused by my own family, psychologically and emotionally, apart from spiritual abuse in the church. I.ve always believed in God but after all the suffering I went through I lost my faith and left the religion. I was bullied at elementary school and also in high school. In the city where I’m leaving now, there is no nature and that makes my soul cry.
Ditto to all of that and similar background. I have this similar feeling of leaving Canada. It’s the country I love but It has done me harm in these past few months. I was in Downtown Toronto during my dark nights, but you can always find some nature, even in an urban environment. I would venture down to the waterfront, as water always calms my soul. Even small parks give you a taste of nature. You just have to focus on the natural and the sounds, smells and noise will evaporate. Find a park and do some grounding exercises and let the world dissolve around you. At summers end I boarded a bus west and went as far as I could go to get back JoJo, Beatles ref.” Back to where you once belonged”. As far as the piecing feeling, check out your Gaul bladder, I had mine removed several years ago. But I experience a similar pain several times during this period. It often felt like an open wound buy was not.
Hey All,
I am the Lone Wolf. Or the newly named Wild Wolf. The wolf has called to me all my life. For years I have been saying I want Huskies or and Alaskan Malamute for a dog. But I need land for them to roam free. Then come back to their alpha, Me.
During my Dark Night (months) I became homeless (and still technically am) lost everything from possessions to all my friends, family and even my digital ID. I was hacked of the internet for speaking my truths. I was the Beatles Nowhere Man all summer long on the streets of Toronto. I even ran a kids scooter with my bags in tow as if I was running the iditarod race.
I am a completely new man. In a new place to me. But I keep hitting the same wall, glass door etc. I see I can help someone that will also uplift me, but they have been burned too many times and will not trust. They systems of life or social help seemed stacked against me, and I don’t do drugs or drink. I smoke cigarettes and drink coffee until I go to bed. I should not have been homeless. I meet workers and regular people who say the same but yet it persists. I have business ideas that are workable but no one to finance. And I’m missing my left arm. A female presence in my life. I meet so many that can’t believe I’m single (and have been so for many years) bu yet they are in relationships or I never see them again to go out on a date. I feel like I met my twin flame and she rejected me. and ever since my life has tumbled down hill. And yet, I inspire others to great things. My life is a dichotomy. I am Shiva most days but also Brahma and Vishnu. But yet do not believe in any modern religion. I was brought up Christian and lost my father in that as a child. I no longer believe even in a creator but yet I feel like I have north american aboriginal in my DNA. I can almost feel that I’ve been here before.
I have sought many guides but am turned away after the initial meeting, but always find my own path. Early on I was told I was a Shaman, but then that spiritual person never wanted to work with me again. Am I to walk this earth alone for the rest of my days? I feel I have much to give and have learned an Encyclopedia worth of knowledge. Its as if I have the wisdom of Thoth and the emerald tablets but no one wants it. I mean I found a Hermes bag laying in the streets of Toronto under a full moon. But yet can’t find a women to buy it for cash or ???
It’s to the point that some days I do not want to exist, then the next is the best day I ever had. But the losses are out numbering the gains. And I’m now totally alone in life. I Never wanted much, and now I have nothing.
I did my work, as they say. Counselling for years.. said god bye to any hate or resentment of others. I have tried multiple things to do to try and regain a semblance of a “normal” life. But nothing gives and I now live with addicts and people with severe mental health issues. I don’t want to be a personal support worker. Its not my path, they trigger me. but I know how to deal with my own triggers, I have Complex PTSD. My life has been a battle. Now that I’m over it should I not have my own Phoenix moment and some peace where everything comes together. I have been paying it forward in spades during this period.
OK I could and should right a book but my name is taken already.
The Sea calls to me but so does the mountains and forest… I am of the earth.
An I was lucky enough to have visited Australia, well Sydney, three times and stayed at the pyramid by the airport on Botany Bay where Cook landed. lol, Novotel Brighton-Le-Sands. On my last trip I visited the Blue Mountains as saw the Three Sisters. I hope to return some day and spend some time seeing the rest on vacation. Not work.
My soul space is the forest.
I want to say thank you first and that this article has opened my eyes to the fact that for a large part of my life my ego has been doing the living for me. So shocking that I could bet at certain times that I was bending myself, only to see now that I wasn’t. It also draws my attention to some work that I still very much need to do. I feel bad a bit. Cos I’ve always questioned myself for being unstable I’m character but now I know and I’m glad. Thanks so much Luna and Sol. A grateful heart.
I think my soul space is the sea. I feel all these things you describe
Beautiful. :) Mine’s the forest.
Hello, I come to you in these times of patience, sharing what’s left of my feelings.
Pain and fear resurface day to day as I opened to someone I dearly care about.
I bet my life on her and I’m going blind for maybe what is rest of my life.
I dont know if I have to hope now, that seems like the wrong direction, considering little(to none) support I externally get.
The mind is holding strong but has to go forward to the next step in order to stay that way.
Maybe my time has come.
Love
Léo
Leo, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a hard time. The sting and devastation of heartbreak is intense, and even though these words might not help you now, I hope you know deep down that everything changes and passes. You won’t feel like this forever. There is hope, healing, and change on the horizon. <3 Stay strong brother, and please, seek support from someone like a friend or counselor.
Greetings again Loner Wolf Family
The greatest thing I have ever experienced is honestly a broken heart and soul loss. The dark night of the soul has been the most journey I have ever walked. My heart cries tears of brokenness and sorrow. My spirit and mental wellbeing has been been severely damaged. My body cries out in pain. I ask myself deeper questions about my self identity. What’s happening ? Why is this happening ?
Then God shows up, opens up the book about my life story. He reveals my every thought, every choice, every action, every emotion in a blink of an eye. He says ” This is your life up till now my beloved Son. Are you living your truth and are you truly happy being the person who you are right now ? Things can change my Son. Miracles can happen. Then He pops the question……. Are you going to be that miracle ? …….. Like…… Wow !!!!
It’s truly amazing that after so much pain, sorrow, brokenness, suffering and crying, living in great darkness……
The Light is always there. All I had to do was open my eyes and truly see it for the first time. There is a God !!!
This is the best family I have ever had.
I truly thank you Luna and Sol
I love you guys so much !!! :’)
Signed Luke <3
That is the great miracle, the miraculous grace of life: there is always Light, even in the darkest of places. Thank you for reminding us of this, brother. <3
Love,
Luna
Thank you so much for this article. I’ve been through so many ego deaths in the last 3 years, so much uncovering, so much expansion and I’m being called to expand even more. And my ego is honestly terrified, it tries to do Everything to hold on to the old, like never before.
I definitely feel myself being in limbo. Most of all I feel grief, deep, deep grief. I know that it’s ancestral because I can feel the depth moving inside my bones, the pain is massive and the fear sometimes paralazing. I can also feel how it’s deeply connected to the mother wound/the seperation from the feminine. So many beliefs, thoughts, habits and behaviours are coming up to be witnessed and healed at the same time and at times it feels overwhelming (The ways that worked before doesn’t anymore so I know I’m asked to expand beyond everything I know)
Your articles ALWAYS come to me when I need them the most. They always show up as I’m asking myself this questions and give me more tools to move forward.
The challenges I’m meeting are mostly self-doubt and fear. Fear of being rejected for who I truly am and that I’m broken beyond repair or that I don’t deserve my soul. I can be incredibly hard on myself and have a very tough inner critic, when I’m not self-aware she gets the best of me.
I’m reminding myself that it’s all happening FOR me not TO me, even when the victim role that my ego loves to identify with shows up.
Thank you so much for your beautiful work. I cannot express enough how grateful I am for you both and how deeply your way of serving resonates with me. Thank you ❤️
Julia, thank you so much for your comment and for sharing a bit about your journey <3
You know, I can resonate deeply with what you write here. I too am constantly being asked to drop everything I know, move into the unknown and face the pain. Isn't it a relief that we're not alone in this struggle?
You mention the fear of being rejected for who you truly are and feeling not worthy of your soul, and I hear you. Rejection and self-condemnation have been two of my greatest struggles as well. I hope you know that regardless of whether you feel worthy of embodying your Soul, it is always and forever present in each moment of your life (even if you can't reach it). Speaking from experience, I know that the Soul doesn't make judgments against us, so it's the mind that wants to believe it's unworthy to keep us snagged and contracted. (You probably already know this though!)
Thank you for sharing, beautiful soul. I love your reminder that everything is happening for us, not to us.
This beautifully arranged and written article made me burst into tears, as I haven’t seen or found anything in all my searching before that nailed exactly what I’ve been going through for the last few years. I’ve been wondering if my ability to fully enoy life again is over, how I will get through this, and have had some very dark times. Thankfully I don’t do drugs or drink or I might have gotten myself into much worse trouble.
I am so grateful for your work and for the fact that here I can cross paths with others who are struggling through similar things, and that it’s not for lack of trying to grow. It’s precisely that which has brought me to this place, but I feel stuck in limbo and unable to move forward.
Thank you for some advice, I have a few new experiential tools to play with in addition to some that I had already been experimenting with. May all our hearts heal in time and may we blossom to our fullest potential, whatever that looks like for each of us. Love to all of you out there.
Freya, lots of love to you sister <3
Hola, me encanta y hace bien todo lo que leo, lamentablemente los test no los puedo realizar ya que Google no convierte al español dicho test. Le escribí y comenté del caso, me supieron sugerir pero fue imposible asiq, solo me resta leerlos y hacer lo que esté a mi alcance. Quiero hacerles una consulta, leí que los antiguos habían trabajado sobre los movimientos de la naturaleza y el hombre para que esté tenga una vida de mayor armonía , esta teoría se llama Feng Shui, ustedes tienen algo al respecto? Y si no es así, podrían subir info? Desde ya muchas gracias
Lo siento, no hablo espanol (no muy bien)
The difficulties I faced in my soul searching journey is that I crave opposing things that I can’t seem to achieve them together! For example, I want to live alone but in order to live alone, I’ll need to get a job which contradicts my need to do work that allows me to express my message and express myself in art as it’s hard to find a job that allows me to do these two without being self employed which will take a while to make me enough money to start living alone!
Hi Tina, what about the middle way? Maybe you could land a part-time job while being dedicated to your art… I can’t think of any reason for not allowing yourself to do both.
Andre makes a good point: it’s possible to do both (instead of living one extreme or the other). <3