I’m going to say something unexpected – perhaps even a little unpopular.
I think we’re all empaths.
I believe that being an empath is actually our natural state of being.
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Far from being an exclusive label or special group of people, I believe empaths are rife among us.
I believe men are empaths, women are empaths, children are empaths, the elderly are empaths, straight people are empaths, gay people are empaths, transgenders are empaths, and throughout the entire world, I believe that empaths exist in every culture, every tradition, every religion and every continent.
The only thing is this:
most of us have lost touch with our abilities to tune into the feelings of others.
Why? Because most of us have lost touch with our ability to tune into the feelings of ourselves. Whether through our highly materialized, fast-paced, artificial societies; our long-held dogmas, traditions, beliefs and inner narratives; our physical and emotional diets; our lifestyle habits, or simply our belief that “everything we feel comes directly from us,” we have been severely desensitized in life.
We have become essentially “sensitivity maimed.”
We have become emotional illiterates.
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In fact, most of us have become alexithymics – people that suffer from the inability to truly know, and put into words, what they are feeling. Hence our tendency to over-eat, our obesity crisis, our addictions to alcohol and drugs, our over-consumption of escapist TV shows, movies and porn and our constant psychological issues such as anxiety and depression.
All of this comes as a direct result of lacking self-awareness, of trying to desperately patch up the emptiness and confusion we feel in life and inside.
We are truly, in the most extreme sense, out-of-touch with ourselves.
And so it’s no wonder that when we experience some kind of spiritual awakening – when we finally awaken from our “sleep” and experience a shift in consciousness – we become overwhelmed with not only our ability to understand and feel our own feelings, but our ability to do likewise with others and their feelings. For some this descends as a tidal wave, for others, a gentle but increasing storm.
Suddenly we realize all along that many (not all) of the feelings that have been clogging us up have come as a result of actually feeling and taking on the emotions of others, empathically.
If this sounds like you, and if you are currently navigating through the disorientating waters of being an empath, you are not alone. I too have gone through this awakening experience and after some much needed guidance and personal effort I have been able to obtain much greater mental and emotional clarity. Although I am not perfect (there will always be more to improve on), I want to share with you today some truly beneficial advice.
From Alexithymic to Empath
It is said that alexithymia is present in about 10% of the population, but I believe this figure is grossly downplayed. I believe that many of us were/are alexithymics.
As thinker and philosopher Roman Krznaric comments in his book “Empathy: Why it Matters and How to Get it”:
At this moment in history we are suffering from an acute empathy deficit, both as a society and in our individual lives.
He goes on to note that:
A recent study at the University of Michigan revealed a dramatic decline in empathy levels among young Americans between 1980 and today, with the steepest drop being in the last ten years. The shift, say researchers, is in part due to more people living alone and spending less time engaged in social and community activities that nurture empathic sensitivity.
Krznaric later goes on to reveal that empathy has declined by nearly 50% in the past 40 years. A study in 2017 also revealed that alexithymia is directly tied with a lack of empathy.
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Other than a lack of empathy, alexithymics display numerous traits that are extremely common in the people of our day and age. These include:
- Lack of intuition.
- Restricted imagination and emphasis on the logical and realistic.
- Outbursts of crying and fits of rage appearing to come from nowhere.
- Inability to identify and describe what one is feeling (poor emotional intelligence).
- Difficulty in relationships (adopting the role of the dependent, dominant, or distant partner).
- Impulsive acts or compulsive behaviors.
- Tendency towards obesity (binge eating), anorexia, bulimia, sex addiction, substance abuse, anxiety disorders, fibromyalgia, personality disorders, migraines, depression.
- Social isolation and an inability to connect or identify with others.
However, if you have experienced an awakening as an alexithymic, or a shift in consciousness from “unaware” to “aware,” you’re most likely experiencing the following symptoms:
- Social anxiety or phobia as a result of being bombarded with too much verbal, emotional and physical data.
- Intense self-consciousness, or being painfully aware of how other people perceive you.
- Tumultuous emotions. You will begin to feel your emotions rather than hide from them or channel them into unhealthy habits such as binge eating, alcoholism, workaholism, etc. Because you are emotionally inexperienced, you experience many highs and lows in emotions, not knowing how to stabilize and harmonize yourself internally.
- Confusion between your emotions and other’s emotions. You might jump to one extreme and think that you have borderline personality disorder or another disorder – or, you might jump to the other extreme and blame everyone else for the way you feel, adopting a classic victim complex.
- Low self-esteem. As a result of being thrown in the deep end, so to speak, you might feel personally and inter-personally inadequate because of your heightened sensitivity to the world. You might beat yourself up, think you’re stupid, think you’re weak, think you’re mentally ill, or any other number of self-criticisms.
- You are more in touch with your body. You might begin to take care of your health more, change diets, change cosmetics, try to overcome any addictions you have, and generally take care of yourself more.
- You will be more sensitive to the beauty and horror of the world. As a newly awakened soul, you will experience the world much more deeply – this has its positives and negatives, and can result in pure joy or severe unhappiness.
- You have the sudden craving to express yourself creatively, but you don’t know how or where to start.
The transition from alexithymic to empath can be compared to a pendulum. The pendulum swings from one extreme to the other, but eventually through time it slows to a halt, to a balance between two extremes. How do you find that stability? There is a lot of bad advice out there on the web, so let me share with you what I learned through trial and error.
The Empath Fledgling Guide to Creating Inner Balance
I will be expanding upon this topic in a future article (it deserves one of its own!), but for now I’ll provide you with a few basic pointers.
1. Forget “Shielding” – Try Non-Resistance and Non-Attachment
Many articles and many websites suggest “shielding” techniques to “protect you” from the emotions of others. Firstly, this advice uses the language of victimhood which is counterproductive to becoming a balanced empath. I’ve personally tried using “invisible eggs,” “walls” and so forth before, but I’ve found it not only completely ineffective, but too mentally draining as well.
Instead of using shielding techniques, simply open yourself. Simply be. Don’t fight, don’t resist, for your resistance will create continuous tension within you – which you certainly don’t need.
Non-resistance is paradoxically the most simple thing to do in the world, but it can also be very difficult as we are so used to resisting ourselves, other people, time, and life in general.
But non-resistance isn’t simply about letting everything and anything come – it is also about non-attachment, or letting emotions come and go without identifying with them. Non-attachment requires you to be self-aware in the present moment of what you are feeling. This can take time and practice.
Try asking yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” when you feel stressed, tense, or stuffy with emotions. Your answer might be something like, “I am feeling pain, worry, sadness and anxiety, but that is OK.” It is OK to feel the emotions. Open to them, but also let them pass by not adopting them as “yours.” Are your emotions “you?” No. You are much vaster than transient emotions which come and go.
2. Try Somatic Mindfulness
Somatic mindfulness is basically a way of anchoring you firmly in the present moment (and not getting lost in the hurricane of your thoughts and feelings) through focusing on your bodily sensations. This is complementary to the previous point of non-attachment and non-resistance which both require present moment awareness. Somatic mindfulness is extremely effective as it requires nothing other than your ability to feel sensations. Types of somatic mindfulness involve focusing on your breathing (deepening it), your blinks, your feet on the earth and the temperature of your body.
3. Run, Scream, Cry, Shout, Express
Catharsis is essential for every empath. In fact, it is essential for every human, regardless of their level of sensitivity as it dispels a lot of pent-up energy. For empaths this means getting rid of negative emotional residue from oneself and others.
Whatever you do, try to avoid going more than one day without engaging in some form of healthy catharsis. I’ve found that become lax in my habit of “catharting” has promoted chronic pain in my body and unpleasant mood swings. Beneficial forms of catharsis ideal for empaths include exercise of any kind, screaming into a pillow, making a habit of crying every day, laughing (laughter therapy), or self-expression in the form of art.
Whatever works for you … make a habit of it daily!
***
There are many other ways of being a balanced empath which I elaborate on in our awakened empath book. Although you might be swinging like a pendulum through the extremes of your new shift in consciousness, remember that eventually through effort and persistence, you will come to a halt and achieve balance.
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We all go through confusing and disorientating times in life, so you are not alone. I can vouch for that.
Do you have any experiences with being an empath or an alexithymic? Please share in the comments!
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Wow, this something I struggle with every day. Sometimes the emotions I pick up from other people are so overwhelming. I have a habit of hanging onto them because I feel like I need to fix everything for them. It’s beyond emotionally draining and weighs very, very heavy on my soul. There have been places I’ve gone and been moved to tears, almost sobbing. When I was 17 I got to go to Valley Forge. I looked out in the field and the tears just came and came. I had to stand there awhile to be able to compose myself long enough to be able to get back to my classmates. What 17 year old does that? The same thing happened when I visited Pearl Harbor. I also got to visit an ancient site in Tulum, Mexico. I wasn’t moved to tears, but it was almost like I could see the city as it was, people milling about their daily lives. To say it was startling is a major understatement. Thought I was going crazy. I feel so much from people around me that I really don’t know how to handle it. I end up reverting to emotional introversion. I’m… Read more »
empathy is therefore is just being tuned in to what really is! It is opposed to the marred or obstructed perception of non awareness , as ET says.
I have been battling this over abundance of emotions that arent all mine.. i know that.. but somehow i always hold onto them until it feels as if its my own. Ive gotten better at letting them go.. im becoming more open to feelings from multiple spectrums i guess is the right word.. its really weird. Im just glad i found this. Its genuine as opposed to most other artickes ive read. Thank you.
I would like to thank you for this article. People have always told me I’m extremely intuitive, I’ve felt people’s emotions to the point I have felt in emotional turmoil. Sudden raised voices startle me and I’m always living in my head. I’ve always seemed out the underdog and scored 91% in this test. I have always been labelled a cry baby so for years if I couldn’t explain to others why I was upset I hid it from them, scared to be judged as a cry baby or disregarded. I have been feeling for the past 6 months I’m on a journey of self discovery and I feel like this article has really been the peak of the journey. I have exhaled since reading this and although I don’t know how to handle this gift. I’m glad it has a label and I’m not an emotional mess incapable of controlling myself. A few weeks ago. I met a lady at a wedding and we gravitated towards each other, we spoke lots and on quite a deep level on the final third day she said goodbye and said ‘you’re a very special girl’ I have received all sorts of compliments… Read more »
I just happened on this site this evening, too. Earlier today for work I took the Gallup Strengthfinders assessment, which identifies a person’s five dominant strengths. Top of my list is “Empathy.” I suspected I had something of that sort in me, but have kept it under wraps as best I could. The surprise today was that the assessment managed to smoke it out. Curious to know more, I Googled “empathy” and eventually came across your site. I scored an 86 on the Empath Test. Damn. The past couple years I’ve thought something has been really wrong with me: every single symptom you name above for the awakening alexithymic. In spades. Getting stronger. It has been pretty miserable. I guess I’m not the stereotypical empath. A couple friends jokingly refer to me as “the Marlboro man,” to use another stereotype. Despite the outside appearance, I was always a lot more sensitive than most guys. I was hit full force by people’s, and even animals’, emotions. I (incorrectly) assumed everyone was; I was just a wimp for caring so much and not being able to let it roll off. I learned early on to hide it and fake a “normal” front.… Read more »
I just discovered this website today, arguably when I needed some internal guidance the most. I’m trying to navigate the waters of life and change with an open mind and heart, and just trying to stay positive through the rough times. I’ll spend a lot more time perusing these articles but I have two things to say from an initial glance:
1. I’m not the only one!!! I know that, haha, but it’s just nice to be reminded that many others experience life deeply too, and it’s all ok.
2. Thank you so, so much for both being so dedicated to this site! This is such an amazing resource, so thank you so much for all the time you’ve put into this and for wanting to share your discoveries! Truly, thank you :)
Thank you so much for this! The emphasis on logic and worldly soul-denying especially has harmed me for a long time as I can’t block it out, because others believe it, I have to as their feelings are so strong. Even though it kills me. So I avoid people to stay away from it but its not the answer. Thank you for this article.
Hello,
Hello,
I loved your article and appreciate you taking the time to share.
I have only recently came upon the term ‘Empath’ and finally felt ‘ah ha!’. I felt an understanding of why I am so different from the majority. I am 44 years old and never met anyone else nearly as sensitive as I am. I have recently been reading Eckhart Tolle and practicing presence. In thinking about presence and Empath, I couldn’t help but wonder if being an ‘Empath’, may actually be more in tune spiritually, or, closer to ‘enlightenment’.
I saw a few books on Empath but really want to find something on the connection to spirituality. Have you found any good reads on this you could recommend?
Thank you!
“Suddenly we realize all along that many (not all) of the feelings that have been clogging us up have come as a result of actually feeling and taking on the emotions of others, empathically.” This literally happened to me this morning. I was with my mother and she was stressed and agitated, anticipating a difficult day at work. As the morning progressed, I noticed becoming steadily more annoyed and angry and I decided to meditate. During meditation I experienced a tingling feeling throughout my entire body, as if I were expelling something. It left me feeling good, at peace, beautiful. Then I talked to my mother again and I saw the stark contrast between us: she was still nervous, hurried, while I was calm, at peace. This was where I realized that what I expelled from my body during meditation was, in fact, her stress. It was a bit of a shock, because I didn’t think that I was this sensitive to the moods of the people around me; that I was like a sponge, absorbing everything. A lot of things suddenly made sense to me, and I thank You and Sol for the wonderful articles that provide much needed… Read more »
What you say is not crazy at all! We _are_ all empaths. We all have a certain level of ability, even if it’s very low or totally in denial. Yes, we are all meant to be empathic and our environment has been increasingly distracting us from our spiritual connections. Thank you for this article!