The Dark Night of the Soul is one of the most painful, isolating, and destabilizing experiences in life. Yet it is also a tremendous blessing in disguise.
As a primordial process of death and rebirth, the Dark Night of the Soul is a period in life where we are stripped of everything that is false.
The veils of illusion are torn from our eyes. We suddenly see the fragility of ourselves, other people, and existence itself.
Out of nowhere, we start asking big questions such as “What is the meaning of life?” “What happens after death?” and “Why was I born?”
What Type of Inner Work Do You Need?
There are many routes we can take to get us through the depths of our unconscious. Which path should you take?
The more we start to question our lives, the more deception we come across. We see the lies perpetuated by society.
We see the ways we have become wounded and behave dysfunctionally. And we may even notice a sense of emptiness inherent in our lives. Something feels missing. But what?
For many people, the Dark Night of the Soul heralds big life shifts. We may quit our jobs, leave our marriage, and seek out something more meaningful and aligned with who we truly are.
For some, the Dark Night is a call to begin the spiritual wanderer’s journey toward self-actualization, spiritual illumination (or enlightenment), and reconnecting with the Soul.
Dark Night of the Soul Questions
When people first enter this dark period of life, they often have many questions.
It can feel scary to lose interest in what you once valued and have your life turned upside down. Due to its destabilizing effect on our lives, the Dark Night is synonymous with what is known as the spiritual emergency.
Here are some commonly asked questions which might help to relax your mind a bit:
Most people who go through the Dark Night feel a sense of loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and depression. It’s common to crave solitude and quiet, comforting environments. While some describe the experience as a death and rebirth, others describe it as the feeling of disintegrating or falling through a void.
The Dark Night of the Soul is an experience that is unique to everyone (although it does share many common characteristics). For one person it may last a few months, for others, it may last a year or many years. Most importantly, please understand that this is a temporary experience, and many people can relate to what you’re experiencing. You’re not alone, although it might feel that way.
There are many ways to answer this question, but it’s crucial to understand first and foremost that the Dark Night is a natural and organic process. Just as trees go through a period of losing their leaves in Autumn/Winter, so too do we as humans (metaphorically speaking). We all go through cycles of death and rebirth – periods where we are full of life and energy and then periods where we need to slow down and go within. The Dark Night helps us to stop and tune into our inner selves. It is a process that goes hand-in-hand with the spiritual awakening process and finding our true life purpose.
Good question! Think of the Dark Night of the Soul as entering a prolonged Winter period. What comes after Winter? Spring! After the Dark Night, we emerge refreshed, renewed, and ready to walk our true life paths. This is known as the ‘Illumination‘ stage on the spiritual wanderer’s journey. In this period, we have gained clarity, wisdom, tenderness, and the ability to tune into ourselves thanks to the Dark Night period. These qualities we then bring into our lives. It’s quite common to start big projects, make powerful life changes, and explore our newly found gifts after the Dark Night of the Soul. It’s a blessing in disguise.
Dark Night of the Soul Test
Are you experiencing symptoms of loneliness, isolation, depression, and soul loss? Does it feel as though you’re cut off or totally disconnected from the Divine?
If so, you may be experiencing a Dark Night of the Soul. Take our free Dark Night of the Soul Test to confirm (or challenge) your suspicions below:
What result did you get? Feel free to share your results in the comments as well as any reflections.
If you need more in-depth guidance, see our Dark Night of the Soul Journal for more help.
What has your experience during the Dark Night been like so far? I’d love to hear from you below. Your words might inspire or support someone else on this difficult journey.
thank you for the insight of the loner wolf! most insightful and informative and inspiring. Love your articles and information.
Thank you Sally! 💜
Hey 👋🏼
I’m glad y’all wrote about this and with such directness. Always seeing through hype. DNOTS has become popular & known about more in the mainstream in the last few years and the problem when that happens is that it lessens in meaning in conversation and authenticity. And the DNOTS is not just a period of depression or sadness as horrible as those can be. It’s a complete reconfiguration of one’s cells. It’s folding in on oneself while you search for truth in the dark, which is hard to do; it’s a reconjoining of one’s soul.
I found many pieces of wisdom in the dark that for whatever reason, a hard head perhaps, I couldn’t find in the light. I think that’s how it works. If we aren’t getting the lessons right fast in the light, we are thrust into the dark to go searching. When things are not clear, they become obscured and we get lost and go searching. It’s almost like we have to work for them else they are not as meaningful; like if someone gave them to us vs working for them they mean more and will ‘stick’ more.
Mine took @14yrs for F’s sake! But I get why now. (*hard head syndrome)
I think the more indoctrinated or programmed or traumatized we are, the more layers we have to search through, the slower we are gleaning those lessons in the dark, the more we need to go deep into our selves and psyches to retrieve truths about ourselves and how to survive/thrive in the world. To really, unveil ourselves underneath all the ‘stuff’ we’ve accumulated in life, including fear & pain. (*traumas).
I struggle to finalize projects but I have notes to write a guide at a point. In betwixt 5 other million projects. Pant pant…😛(**I hope to send it you Luna & Sol for feedback as I have felt often that you two were some of the few who saw through a lot of new age fluff and as I do also, that is rare to live in such honesty).
For now I’m glad to finally see pieces of light breaking way with new hope at times. Just remember the dark is not your enemy, it’s where lessons live. 🔥
Your comment was so thought-provoking and illuminating, Danya. Thank you! What a brilliant and fresh perspective. I can tell this wisdom has been hard-won, and I thank you for sharing it with us all. Sometimes, the only lessons we can learn and actually appreciate are when we’re in the darkness. Often, these lessons, this wisdom, cut to the core in the deepest way, bringing about the greatest transformations. So powerful. Thank you 💜
I feel everything on the outer stream of my life is moving faster and faster toward ultimate completion whether we like it or not.
We get the same assistance to cope with the high cost of living while on a fixed income, like finding money for rent, food, bills, medicines, fuel for the car, and other minor personal needs.
However, the ground rules and circumstances of living here have rapidly changed. Our apartment block has been sold for 2.6 million from a real estate firm to a private buyer and we feel this old-style building will be demolished for something brand spanking new (either a new apartment block or a new townhouse block to be rented at a high cost). So far all is in the early stages, and since the Auction day on the third, we have heard naught from the new owners. The only good thing is the rent was lowered to the level of crumble on the dwelling, which frees up some finance to allocate to medicines, car repair repayments, food and beverage stocks, etc.,
So outwardly my outer world is in the Dark as we may have to leave here and resettle nearby in a ground-floor apartment pending the costs involved. Or with the possibility of being booted out due to the 2032 Olympics. As good accommodation is hard to find these days.
So outwardly the Darkside is on the final dark ride of its time in this 3D sphere of influence and it will try everything to mush up our happy little existence for the past 40-odd years.
Spiritually, however, everything is mushing along fine as I do everyday meditations and clearance to conquer fears arising from the changes and associated anxieties and cope with sleep loss due to my dear wife’s Lupus aches and body pain.
So please feel free to keep writing as Lunar and Sol’s writings are one of my best outlets as a Loner Wolf comrade in arms so to speak.
Blessing and love to all your team, to you both, and the extended family to become soon. 😎😍
That’s a tough situation to be in, John. It sounds destabilizing. The fact that you have such a strong spiritual practice to lean on must be of great comfort to you during these times. I, too, am feeling the pressures and pains of the rise in the cost of living, and the prospect of having a baby soon adds to that feeling as well. But staying spiritually connected and learning to live and spend more intentionally (and save a lot) has helped tremendously. Wishing you and your wife all the very best during these difficult times 💜
I scored a 50. I feel like I am there but not there. I try to be like I was, but it just doesn’t come through. All my dreams/goals are put in a holding pattern, in a box in the closet. Things I used to love to do like work, crochet, gardening, taking care of my pets, laundry, take a shower, cleaning house, etc., I don’t have the energy to do anymore. As for the pets, I do the minimum. I put on a fake face when I am with my daughter and granddaughter and then so sad that I have to do the fake smiles. I just wake up, do what I need to do, go to work, get gas, go home, and sit on my couch in oblivion knowing I have all this other stuff to do. I feel like a body, just functioning, with my soul curled up in a ball inside me, not wanting to come out. My daughter is more in the dark right now than I am and trying to help her out of it too. Just a dark time for both of us. Nothing working out. Everything breaking down. Family and friends not being there to help. Everything is so expensive to fixed or replace. Life is hurting badly. So, I just drag on, hoping for the best, and then, everything will be okay for a little while. Spiritually, I am fine. More of an introvert, social events are traumatizing to me. Once in a while I get a glimpse of a good moment and it’s so nice. So, I let it be. It’ll be okay.
My heart goes out to you, Teresa. And the fact that you’re trying to help your daughter through this dark time, as well as dealing with your own, is a testament to your love for her. I don’t know what is being shed or wiped clear in your life and what new life is to come, but during this process of breakdown, know that it won’t last forever (even if it feels that way). After the darkness comes the dawning of new light – it’s an ancient pattern that is playing out in your life. With love 💜
Some people actually feel that way at AGE 50!
I got 50 points toward a dark soul… Amazing.
Thanks for sharing Bella
Another….Dark night of the soul. I used to fear this process, until I learned to let it happen. (Which isn’t easy) I feel like I’ve wasted my entire life, my families lives, and I’m not going anywhere from here. My purpose in life is so far gone I’m not sure why I’m still here. I feel like the universe could have given my kids to someone else, who had a better idea of what direction to lead.
When I go through these stages, my body physically hurts. I can barely stand up to get out of bed, my feet hurt, feels like my hips are out of place, and my energy is so low that even if I wanted to pull myself out of this, I wouldn’t have the energy to do so. My garden has fallen apart which is a significant indicator that something is very off. My flowers have died off, the vegetables are choked out by weeds, and I look at it and I don’t have it in me to fix it.
When I try to go sit outside under the moon and stars, something keeps me uncomfortable enough that I get up and go inside again. And that has always been my place to be when feeling disconnected, under the night sky.
Today I will force it in my bare feet on the grass, I will make a conscious effort to relax with nature and not think about anything more. And do that with your dark night journal.
Feeling like something big going happen, isn’t exciting and motivational when you feel like it’s going to be bad.
Thank you for opening up about how the dark night is feeling for you, Janis. What you write is very evocative and visceral, and I can deeply relate to it as I have felt this before. When something is breaking down internally, being open and vulnerable feels too unnerving, too threatening – it’s like being a snail without a shell. It’s no wonder that sitting under the night sky felt difficult and impossible the other night for you. But breakdowns often precede breakthroughs.
I love this quote from Marianne Williamson,
Feel free to let us know how you go with making a solid effort to relax with nature. Much love 💜
Anybody attempted the dnots test repeatedly and their results aren’t popping up…instead the page completely disappears? That can’t be a good sign especially after more than ten years going through this
You might want to try a different browser or device, the page disappearing sounds like some localized conflict.
it’s also taken me ten years to go through the process.
The dark night of soul has been a little bit emotional, traumatizing, and so a little bit challenging for me all the way together. I think that I am just now coming out of it and I did not know what was going on with me that whole time. It definitely caught me off guard and unawares. I felt like I didn’t know who I was or what was happening in my life and I am still trying to figure out what was going on with everything around me. Everyone who I thought was my friend deserted me, or turned into my enemy before my eyes. My reflection became different and I no longer recognized who I was in the mirror. I felt had left my soul somewhere and fighting to survive inside. Like, it was a battle. I am feeling a little bit better to know what I was going through was just for that period of time which allowed inwardly growth and learn about the inner parts of me and what needed to adjust and to change while being by alone for most of it. I feel better knowing that I made it to this place of spirituality. I am not sure what happens or where I go from here. But, I am positive about what will happen next in my life.
Thank you for sharing this was my exact process
It sounds like you were in the “facing the darkness” part of the journey Lisa (there’s a helpful overview here that can also provide you an answer as to what’s next: https://lonerwolf.com/spiritual-wanderers-journey/ When it comes to the DNOTS, comments like yours offer hope. So thank you for sharing what it’s like being both within a Dark Night and emerging from the other side. 💜
I stare at pictures of myself taken before the dark and that person looks like a stranger.
I have been traveling this dark night for close to 8 years now,i have had many unbelievable,sometimes horrific,sometimes beautiful,experiences,at one of my lowest points i even spoke w Mateo online and he probably saved my life,finaly after it all i believe,no,i know im reaching the end of my journey,im a changed man and i have found my home.
This is so beautiful and inspiring, Tony. I’m going to share this comment of yours with Mateo. Thank you for being here 💜
It’s taken me ten years to find the switch and turn the light on so as to see the door leading me out of the dark room.
Hello. I did the test and it said I scored over 50, I know it’s 100% and the twelve steps described me on every step. I feel totally useless and struggle with the thought of ending it all. I hope this Lonerwolf will help, funny that’s about the only hope I have.
Hang in there Jason. We’ve been around for 12 years now, and we don’t plan on going anywhere. Poke around and I’m sure you’ll find many helpful resources here 💗
Yes, hang in there. You have to stay positive and keep in mind that things will always be better, get better and soon. Don’t give up hope and focus on bringing healing those areas that you struggle with. Hope it all works out and may all be well with your soul.
LonerWolf has steadily and lovingly been there for me and helping even those around me lol far more than ANY of the other places i was lead to for more clarity and guidance. They’ve been my only hope at times as the synchronicity of their emails and the subject matter would resonate almost perfectly it CAN only be true divine timing lol. I love you Luna & Sol as well as EVERY INDIVIDUAL HERE sharing this human experience with me and sharing your stories as well for they DO HELP not feel so alone! Thank you EVERYONE I’m so grateful to have such an amazing growing family of the world! Much love and respect from me here in Utah in America! ❤️💜💯☮️☯️🙏🖖🤟🤘✌️🤞🤙🤝🤜🤛🤗
Thank you Mikey for such a lovely comment 💜🤗
Please know that it took me ten years.