Thin-skinned, hyper-sensitive, wimpy, spineless, wussy, feeble, weak, fragile, melodramatic, temperamental …
If you can relate to, or have been called a combination of any of these words, chances are you’re part of a unique group of people: the Empaths.
Occurring in an estimated 5% of the population, Empaths are known for their highly developed ability to sense the emotions and thoughts of the people around them. As author and Empath Christel Broederlow put it “empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels”, this includes the abilities to intimately understand what a person desires, yearns for, and is currently feeling, suffering or thinking, as well as the ability to feel other people’s bodily illnesses. These occurances manifest themselves as energy vibrations that the finely tuned Empath can pick up on, or “tune into”.
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Commonly identifying as clairsentients and HSPs, Empaths possess an ability that is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, the Empath is an excellent listener and counselor, knowing the best way to comfort and assist those around them. On the other, being an Empath can be painful and tiring. It’s common for the Empath to be weighed down and constantly congested with the negative emotional energy of others, often creating physical and psychological disharmony.
Although the Empath has a wonderful gift, and is often greatly cherished by those around them, they are often challenged and confronted by a variety of misguided perceptions towards their innate gift.
Myths & Misunderstandings
“You need to grow some thicker skin! Stop being so overly sensitive.” I wish I could tell you how many times I heard that in my childhood! Growing up as an Empath, you may have experienced similar insults from your parents, friends or peers, and perhaps even worse.
It’s not at all trendy or popular to be sensitive or feeling in our society that values efficiency, cold calculation, and industrial resilience. Therefore, you may have experienced and still experience, a lot of antagonism towards your behavior as an Empath. I will explore four of these main misperceptions below.
Myth #1 – Empaths are navel-gazing and self-absorbed.
Truth – We often focus more on others than on ourselves.
It’s true that Empaths are often unexplainably moody and quiet on the outside. However, this isn’t because they’re excessively absorbed thinking too much about themselves and their feelings. Rather, the Empath is often deeply affected by the exterior emotions of others that he experiences as his own. The Empath’s ability to intuitively feel the feelings of others is what weighs him down so much. In fact, it’s characteristic of the Empath to pay more attention to others needs than his own.
Myth #2 – Empaths are mentally ill.
Truth – We are magnets of negative energy. This often creates psychological disbalance within us.
Empaths are excellent listeners, confidants, and counselors. For this reason, it’s common for people to be drawn towards their sincere and caring natures, almost like magnets. Therefore, Empaths often experience a lot of “emotional baggage dumping” from other people, and have difficult releasing themselves from the negative energy that remains in their minds and bodies afterwards.
Unfortunately, this can lead to a lot of lingering depressive emotions that the Empath is left with. Thus, the Empath can appear to be mentally ill and depressed, and in some cases legitimately is. However, in most cases the Empath is congested with remnants of harmful emotional energy, like sinuses are congested with mucus during a flu virus.
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The root of the problem doesn’t lie with the Empath, it’s a result of their outer emotional climate.
Myth #3 – Empaths are psychologically frail.
Truth – We are biologically programmed to be more sensitive and in tune with our surrounding environment.
As Empath Nicole Lawler wrote, Empaths are essentially “walking around in this world with all the accumulated karma, emotions, and energy from others”. Understandably, this results in a lot of inner emotional tension for the Empath who is more prone to crying and exhibiting other signs of “weakness”.
Additionally, the Empath finds it extremely difficult to partake in many “normal” activities. For instance, watching a movie about Nazi concentration camps is extremely emotionally upsetting for the Empath, and getting a job in an office is overwhelming and tiring for the Empath who is bombarded with other people’s emotions constantly. Therefore, it’s not surprising that the Empath is often perceived as “wussy”, “frail” or “weak minded” to the person who fails to comprehend the constant pressure the Empath lives under.
The fact that most Empaths aren’t driven clinically insane by the constant emotional flux they experience is testimony enough to their mental strength.
Myth #4 – Empaths are lazy.
Truth – We often lack mental, emotional and physical energy due to our intense empathetic ability to understand others.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) amongst other physical issues like headaches, insomnia and Fibromyalgia, have all been commonly attributed to Empaths.
If our minds are constantly overloaded with stress, tension and pressure, it therefore translates that our bodies are as well. This often results in sicknesses such as the ones mentioned above. Thus Empaths often lack the energy and therefore desire to do many things, preferring to relax (including taking naps) instead.
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If you’ve experienced any of these misperceptions in your life, please feel free to share your experiences below. Also, feel free to take our Empath Test or read our empath book to get more in-depth guidance. Being an Empath can certainly be riddled with setbacks, however, it’s invaluable to remember how much of an asset you are to the world. Our planet needs a balance of both hard and industrious people, and soft and empathetic people. You form an important part in this great Universal Balance.
If you would you some more free resources, check out our extensive collection of empath articles!
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I’ve known that I am empathic for a really long time, but never really learned how to deal with it. I am a creative person in a creative profession, and so I get away with being moody – but you know what? When you spend the majority of your time around other creative and therefore highly emotive people? It’s enough to drive a person to drink.
Anywho, now I have a daughter who also seems to be empathic. She gets on a negative loop, which sends my emotions spiraling out of control, which makes her even worse… it’s exhausting.
I’ve got to figure this out somehow.
Thank you for the article. Feeling a bit more calm now… which is very helpful.
Wow … surround by emotional, empathetic people hey? You seem to live in an environment opposite to mine (not yet sure whether that is a good or bad thing). Empathic people in a way are very similar to HSP’s – both are extremely finely wired to their environments, one more physically, the other more emotionally. This article may assist you a bit more with dealing with your out-of-control emotions: lonerwolf.com/highly-sensitive-people-emotional-snowballing/
Many thanks for reading Amber!
-L
Awesome post describes me to a T. How does an empath find the right girl without emotional entanglement?
Hello Cade. Many thanks for reading!
I’m not sure what you had in mind when it comes to ‘finding the right’ girl, or how you would go about doing this exactly. But the only way to find whether someone is right for you or not is to spend time with them (which inevitably results in emotional entanglement). It would be a good idea to first decide to become only friends with the person. Don’t harbor any expectations of your friendship becoming ‘something more’ and you will not suffer if you discover that the person is not right for you. Remaining friends with a person not only gives you more emotional distance, but it will allow you to determine whether your connection will last in the long run. I hope that some of what I have said will help.
-L
I was called all the hyper-sensitive, wimpy, fragile, melodramatic, and temperamental when I was younger by those around me. I would often get angry or over-whelmed easily often resulting in me crying a lot and not making lasting friendships. People often like to talk to be but rarely want to be my friend- I also have a hard time having relationships and have become introverted because of it. I hate it- but I am resigned.
Hello Ashley. Well at the very least I’m happy that this article has helped you to become more self-aware. Empaths are not necessarily perfect people, and possess faults and flaws like everyone else, and when we understand and embrace these flaws we can progress in our lives.
Thank you for reading,
-L
Hi LonerWolf….lovely post,
I too am a Empathic Introvert and get frustrated when others think I am melodramatic (and yes, I have been called that exactly) or being lazy. I usually pace out my activities being careful to schedule several things in one outing from the house,because usually by the time I get back home I don’t have the energy to go back out. I have worked nights since the 90’s because it is easier on me then dealing with the daytime shuffle. I have learned to work with my basic nature…now I am working on mastering my empathic craft…thanks for this blog
Hello there Takayu. Thank you for sharing a small part of your life here.
I have never considered working at night as a possible solution to the stress empaths feel during the day. I’m going to look into this more – so thank you for implanting this idea into my head! Very interesting.
All the very best, Luna
I am so emotional right now knowing there are ones out there that feel and think exactly the way I do. I also have to pace myself with chores that involve being around people. I call it chores because I get exhausted to were I have a hard time functioning for the next week. I’ve been told by doctors it was just depression but I know better. Are there ones here that have 20 something children that are struggling to make their own lives? The anxiety of feeling their emotions when they end up back home and their drama these kids seem to be addicted to is really killing me. HOW does an empathic person pull away from their loved children?
Hello Dawn, reading your comment really makes an article like this worthwhile to research, plan and write. Thank you.
Unfortunately I haven’t yet experienced what you have in regards to children, so I hope another one in our community here can answer your questions. Otherwise, you may find this Empath Facebook group extremely supportive and resourceful: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Empath-Connection/134926033194344?ref=ts&fref=ts
Warmly, Luna
This is excellent! A lot of my clients face troubles with the external perceptions on the world around them, due to their psychic sensitives and the clarity in which they feel and experience the world around them. Wanting to heal and help all, showering their caring, loving energy on all is quite the drain ~ when the first person you must clear and heal is yourself. I often recommend clearing techniques like grounding, centering and imagining washing the energy you absorb off of yourself, like a bath!
Wonderful writing, Aletheia!
With love, Amanda <3.
Hi Amanda, thank you very much for your comment. I hope that other people can benefit from the suggestions you’ve made here. Many thanks for sharing them!
This is a nice article, well written. At first I didn’t agree with Myth 4, but then I stopped and reread it. Yes, the people from my previous job and the clients did wear me thin to the point of physical illness. “But I did keep up and was always productive regardless, because that’s ‘what you do” in the real world. (Dang, I missed out on the naps part)
Thank you for your work, Katie
Thank you Katie. Imagine how much easier our lives would be as empaths if we were granted siestas (like in Spain), to relax and nap!
Huh, this is the first time I’ve heard about Empaths, but it seems to fit me fairly well. Since middle school I’ve had friends and acquaintances confide in me, most recently a coworker broke down and shared some deep family issues with me very unexpectedly. While I’ve tried to restrain it, I’ve always been very emotionally moved by people/ occurrences around me, and I’m VERY easily brought to tears (happy or sad).
Myth 4 is what really hit home for me, though. For the past year and a half or so, I’ve been dealing with what is likely Fibromyalgia, and have problems with fatigue since high school. Are there any suggestions/ resources you could point me to for better managing things such that they take less of a physical toll?
Hi there Victoria. I’m pleased to hear that this article has introduced something new to you about your character! I too am struggling with constant fatigue, and have currently made it my mission to make life more comfortable for myself. I wrote some of my thoughts on dealing with mental and physical fatigue here: https://lonerwolf.com/highly-sensitive-introvert-cloud-9/ I also suspect that I have fibromyalgia, or perhaps CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), and I try to exercise every day for at least half an hour to infuse me with more energy. Meditation and self-hypnosis also work with mental fatigue, and I like to supplement this with a mix of green tea and chai for added energy. I hope these suggestions help somewhat.
I just found your webpage and I feel as if some huge burden has been lifted from me. I had no idea that there was a name for all of this. I think Lifehacker brought me here to take the Highly Sensitive Personality Test, which I aced (if you can call it that). I can’t stand anyone yelling at me across the house; if you want to speak to me then come to where I am, no yelling please. I don’t use an alarm clock as I can’t stand the noise; I’ve trained myself to wake up. I don’t sleep well because every little noise wakes me up. Anyway, so many things, too much to go into here. But then I found the Empath test and was floored. I had no idea there was a name for this. My boss even mentioned in my annual review that I have an uncanny knack for knowing everything that’s going on in our office and that I’m extremely perceptive in reading what other people are thinking. I came home one day several months ago and wondered out loud, “why does EVERYONE come to me with their problems?”
Now I know…and I don’t feel like such a freak anymore. At least I have a name for it and, now, I know I’m not crazy.
Thank you!
Dawn, I’m so happy to hear that you’ve discovered something of meaning and worth here! Now that you’ve discovered that there’s a name to the feelings you experience and the ways you perceive others and behave towards them in daily life, you can take slow steps to make your life more comfortable. This is one of the greatest benefits of self-discovery, which is one of the biggest principles of Involution; a life-path that has the potential to revolutionize the way you live life, perceive yourself and behave towards other people. Many thanks for sharing your own personal experiences here! -A.L
Two things stand out as the most difficult thing for me. The first is a deep need to create harmony in the world and increase the understanding around us. The second is a tendency to simply latch up and become non-functional when people are creating a controversy out of nothing important.
A real controversy can be a good time, actually, because I make a great mediator. There’s something for me to do to make the situation better – once I can get someone to the point where they are talking about what’s really bothering them. But people who are insisting that they are right or they have to have something – I’ll just go to the back, thank you. Do not want to deal with that nonsense, nor can I.
Thank you Erik. Every Empath functions in a different way. While some have the ability and emotional/mental stamina to act as mediators between others, some find this role simply too overwhelming (I most definitely would). In the end, this really depends on how emotionally stable the Empath is, and what level of sensitivity they were born with.
I was just in the hospital for a suspected heart attack. Earlier that day, I had a two hour conversation with my addicted son. Not an argument at all, but I was just receiving so many toxins.
Christie, I’m very sorry to hear this. It sounds as though your suspected heart attack was a result of an overwhelmingly high level of emotions that your body and mind found hard to deal with. I hope you manage to recover soon. I suggest soothing music, sitting in nature, taking a long warm bath, or sitting in a dark room by yourself for 6 or more hours. When I’m severely overwhelmed by the toxins of others I choose these simple techniques to reinstall peace, and they make all the difference in the world. All the very best, Luna