I tend to make assumptions a lot, about everything and everyone.
While I have mostly learned the hard way that most people don’t actually think, feel and reason the same way I do, I realized long ago that the tendency to make assumptions is a form of naivety that we are all born with to some extent.
Unfortunately, making assumptions – which is closely linked to something known as psychological projection – is not only something that we all do, but it is common for us to suffer greatly at the expense of such a habit.
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If you are a chronic projector you will experience a great deal of anxiety around other people, as well as other unpleasant emotions like anger, disappointment, resentment and prejudice on a daily basis.
Keep reading to discover whether you’re a “serial projector” or not in your daily life.
What is Psychological Projection (In Layman’s Terms)?
What happens when you have a whole bunch of uncomfortable, embarrassing and annoying emotions that you don’t want to unconsciously deal with?
According to famous psychologist Sigmund Freud these emotions are projected onto other people, so that other people become carriers of our own perceived flaws.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) for us, this form of emotional displacement makes it much easier to live with ourselves … because everyone else is responsible for our misery – not us!
As a result of externalizing our emotions and perceiving them in others, we continue suffering terribly, often creating false self-images that portray us as “the victim” or “the good/righteous person” when the reality is that we aren’t.
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Common Examples of Psychological Projection
The trick to seeing through the guise of projection is to become aware of the sneaky habitual cycles we get into on a daily basis. Some of the most common examples of psychological projection that we all commit are expanded on below:
1. “He/she hates me!”
Whether at home, at work or in any other situation, we have all believed that our bosses, co-workers, mother in-laws, extended family members and other people we’ve come in contact with “hate” or “dislike” us for no reason. While we are convinced that the words, intonations and brief looks given to us are reflections of hidden hatred, most of us fail to realize that believing someone “hates us” is often a result of projection. If we have a strong dislike for someone in the first place it is common for us to protect ourselves against this feeling by projecting it into another.
2. “Oh my god, she’s so fat/ugly/slutty!”
How often have you bitched about another woman (or man) whose physical appearance was somehow displeasing to you? You might have felt an immense sense of distaste and dislike for this person, when in fact this chagrin is a protection mechanism veiling your own deeper body-image issues. Likely, you are deeply insecure about your own body, and thus unconsciously project this loathing onto others.
3. “Other people make me uncomfortable.”
Often the anxiety and tension we feel around others is a reflection of the way we perceive ourselves. When we are insecure or have low self-esteem, it is common to perceive the problem as being with other people and not ourselves. This classic form of projection is common amongst those suffering from social anxiety.
4. “If I can do it, other people can as well.”
This is perhaps one of the most nauseating types of projection others make – which, while flattering and motivating in some ways, is completely unrealistic in others. How often have you heard commercials or advertisements with happy shiny people proclaiming, “I lost 30 kilos in 3 weeks – you can too!” or, “I earned $1,245 dollars overnight – you can too!” This is a common example of projection that fails to take into account the fact that everyone has a different level of capability. It is also common for us to personally commit this kind of psychological projection as well. For example, with our children we might think, “If I was a good athlete, she will be as well” or with our co-workers we might think, “If I could organize that project, he can as well.” Often this form of projection creates a lot of frustration and disappointment.
5. “That is gross/bad, get it away from me.”
What we react the most strongly to says the most about what we place the most importance in. For instance, if we can’t stand watching sex on TV this could very well be a reflection of a hidden sexual shame or insecurity we have in ourselves. Homophobia as well is also often a type of projection, especially amongst religious people (for instance, did you know the highest amount of gay porn is consumed by “Bible Belt” states in the US?).
6. “He/she is having an affair.”
The fear that your partner/spouse is having an affair or is untrustworthy is often a reflection of the way you feel about yourself. All normal people functioning in relationships feel attracted to other people at one point or another, and sometimes this self-discovery is met with fear and shame which is then often projected onto the other partner.
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Remember that these six examples only reflect what sometimes happens, not what always happens. For example, your partner may indeed be cheating on you, in which case something must be done about that. However, psychological projection shouldn’t be ruled out either.
We all project in our daily lives to protect ourselves against emotions, thoughts and perceptions that we judge as being too “bad,” “ugly,” “shameful” or “uncontrollable.”
Often these disowned aspects of ourselves form our shadow self and can only be reintegrated through shadow work. This is why it’s important to identify and become aware of what types of projection impact us the most.
What forms of projection have you experienced in your daily life? Also, if this article has triggered any uncomfortable feelings in yourself, that would be working on – it’s a great opportunity for some inner work!
Can two parties be involved in a psychological projection at the same time? I have read your article which shed some light on how we project our psychological fears and abnormalties into others. The one that really caught my attention among the scenarios you painted was the “if I can do it,others can too. I’ve been used to a blue collar job all my life.of recent,I lost my job and I had to make do with some menial job to pay the bills. I work in a construction company that requires me having to lift an 80 lbs of weight every so often and having to work in the sun while standing for an extended period of time. I believe my supervisor is projecting into me. Because he uses the word”if I can do it,you can do it” every now and then for me especially whenever theres a very tasking job to be done.Most times the assignment in question may be risky or hazardous.Nonetheless, I have always try my best to do what I can and in sometime I end up injuring myself. To me,i always feel this is what it takes to be a man especially when I see… Read more »
Though these are good examples, they are oversimplifications of complex phenomenon. For example, not everyone who suspects their spouse is cheating is projecting. They may be picking up on shifts in behavior, demeanor, attentiveness, and so on. In the same rehelm, disgust is actually a biological function meant to keep us away from harmful things; so to say just because you think something is gross is a projection, again, is an oversimplification.
do war zone victims have the ability psychological projection?
Sometimes I wonder if some people who say, “If I can do it, then anyone can,” might be suffering from low self-esteem. That’s to say, maybe they did not believe that they could do it.
If you find yourself getting offended, then you should stop blaming others and look at your issue.
I’ve been looking for a projection issue. This is close, but I can’t find anything that covers what I’m thinking about.
That is, projecting your positive attributes onto others. For example, when I love someone, I would never hurt them. I would project this onto others. But I quickly learned that there is no shortage of people who will “love” you and cause you harm at the same time.
In other words, I think others might be like me, but they really are not.
What would this be called?
It still all lies about what is inside of me.
If something bothers me about someone, it still because of feelings I am scared to see.
If I can do it so can everyone else I wish people quit saying that because I find that statement offensive. The if I can do it so can everyone else statement is a generic statement said by people who talk much more than they listen and are at the same time very sarcastic in their communication towards people. They don’t mean to be offensive however what makes it worse is that they don’t even know that they are offending people.
The projection 4… OMG what a plague >_< ! I've been a victim of this projection for many years… This rejoins our recent discussion about autodidactism, by the way.. A lot of people (friends or colleagues) can't stop telling me that I'm too clever to be a college drop-out and that I shall go back to university (notice that this is their fancy of course, not mine -_- )… Working a full-time (35 hours per week here in France, so 7 hours a day), I could still go back to uni through distance studies. But when I answer them that this isn't the moment for me (for so many reasons they don't have to know), they answer in return that I'm surely lazy or lacking self-confidence. And their conclusion is inevitably always the same : "Some older people have kids, work a full-time and succeed in distance studies. You, you have no kids, you work a full-time and you are young. So if they can do it, you can do it too." -_- Dammit. I say or do nothing to be assaulted such a way. All I want is to be let in peace. Is it too much to ask… Read more »
Simply put “If you spot it you’ve got it” we usually only see others flaws when it reflects our own insecurities. I have found as I have grown more aware of myself I have lost interest in what others are doing I try to travel my own road, my own journey of life. Good article.
Aren’t a lot of these ( not all of them ) preferences? Like the body image one for example. Some body types on both men and woman I prefer over others. I don’t say it to anyone it more something I do in my head then let go after a minute..