I tend to make assumptions a lot, about everything and everyone.
While I have mostly learned the hard way that most people don’t actually think, feel and reason the same way I do, I realized long ago that the tendency to make assumptions is a form of naivety that we are all born with to some extent.
Unfortunately, making assumptions – which is closely linked to something known as psychological projection – is not only something that we all do, but it is common for us to suffer greatly at the expense of such a habit.
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If you are a chronic projector you will experience a great deal of anxiety around other people, as well as other unpleasant emotions like anger, disappointment, resentment and prejudice on a daily basis.
Keep reading to discover whether you’re a “serial projector” or not in your daily life.
What is Psychological Projection (In Layman’s Terms)?
What happens when you have a whole bunch of uncomfortable, embarrassing and annoying emotions that you don’t want to unconsciously deal with?
According to famous psychologist Sigmund Freud these emotions are projected onto other people, so that other people become carriers of our own perceived flaws.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) for us, this form of emotional displacement makes it much easier to live with ourselves … because everyone else is responsible for our misery – not us!
As a result of externalizing our emotions and perceiving them in others, we continue suffering terribly, often creating false self-images that portray us as “the victim” or “the good/righteous person” when the reality is that we aren’t.
Common Examples of Psychological Projection
The trick to seeing through the guise of projection is to become aware of the sneaky habitual cycles we get into on a daily basis. Some of the most common examples of psychological projection that we all commit are expanded on below:
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1. “He/she hates me!”
Whether at home, at work or in any other situation, we have all believed that our bosses, co-workers, mother in-laws, extended family members and other people we’ve come in contact with “hate” or “dislike” us for no reason. While we are convinced that the words, intonations and brief looks given to us are reflections of hidden hatred, most of us fail to realize that believing someone “hates us” is often a result of projection. If we have a strong dislike for someone in the first place it is common for us to protect ourselves against this feeling by projecting it into another.
2. “Oh my god, she’s so fat/ugly/slutty!”
How often have you bitched about another woman (or man) whose physical appearance was somehow displeasing to you? You might have felt an immense sense of distaste and dislike for this person, when in fact this chagrin is a protection mechanism veiling your own deeper body-image issues. Likely, you are deeply insecure about your own body, and thus unconsciously project this loathing onto others.
3. “Other people make me uncomfortable.”
Often the anxiety and tension we feel around others is a reflection of the way we perceive ourselves. When we are insecure or have low self-esteem, it is common to perceive the problem as being with other people and not ourselves. This classic form of projection is common amongst those suffering from social anxiety.
4. “If I can do it, other people can as well.”
This is perhaps one of the most nauseating types of projection others make – which, while flattering and motivating in some ways, is completely unrealistic in others. How often have you heard commercials or advertisements with happy shiny people proclaiming, “I lost 30 kilos in 3 weeks – you can too!” or, “I earned $1,245 dollars overnight – you can too!” This is a common example of projection that fails to take into account the fact that everyone has a different level of capability. It is also common for us to personally commit this kind of psychological projection as well. For example, with our children we might think, “If I was a good athlete, she will be as well” or with our co-workers we might think, “If I could organize that project, he can as well.” Often this form of projection creates a lot of frustration and disappointment.
5. “That is gross/bad, get it away from me.”
What we react the most strongly to says the most about what we place the most importance in. For instance, if we can’t stand watching sex on TV this could very well be a reflection of a hidden sexual shame or insecurity we have in ourselves. Homophobia as well is also often a type of projection, especially amongst religious people (for instance, did you know the highest amount of gay porn is consumed by “Bible Belt” states in the US?).
6. “He/she is having an affair.”
The fear that your partner/spouse is having an affair or is untrustworthy is often a reflection of the way you feel about yourself. All normal people functioning in relationships feel attracted to other people at one point or another, and sometimes this self-discovery is met with fear and shame which is then often projected onto the other partner.
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Remember that these six examples only reflect what sometimes happens, not what always happens. For example, your partner may indeed be cheating on you, in which case something must be done about that. However, psychological projection shouldn’t be ruled out either.
We all project in our daily lives to protect ourselves against emotions, thoughts and perceptions that we judge as being too “bad,” “ugly,” “shameful” or “uncontrollable.”
Often these disowned aspects of ourselves form our shadow self and can only be reintegrated through shadow work. This is why it’s important to identify and become aware of what types of projection impact us the most.
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What forms of projection have you experienced in your daily life? Also, if this article has triggered any uncomfortable feelings in yourself, that would be working on – it’s a great opportunity for some inner work!
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I don’t know… Ultimately, all we have is how we experience things and intuition/empathy for other people; but we only KNOW our own experience first-hand… Seeing your comments here, which I think are OK, I do not judge others (apparently this is rare; but I find judging others or oneself the height of ignorance, since we are all doing our best, with the awareness we have (even Trump!). If I have negative thoughts about another, unless it is from deep within me, I just ignore them, and don’t believe in them. Or I listen to them openly, but still don’t identify with them as what-I-really-think. I don’t have prejudices… But I am not better than another, just luckier maybe that I know myself pretty well.. But it was Gurdjieff that said ‘judge another by how you are -and you won’t be far wrong (which seems the opposite of what is said here), i.e. essentially, most humans are alike’… I know in a way, we all have differing levels of awareness and acceptance, etc. but we all have similar human animals – thin if we take a broad and supple and intuitive snapshot of our whole self then this may be… Read more »
Wow, I suggest you re-read your article to see where you are projecting your ill feelings. You may want to do your own shadow work before you try to help other’s find a spiritual awakening. Just saying.
Why the implied negative jab against “religious people” in #5? Because it is a projection on behalf of the author.
so my boyfriend exhibits morbid jealousy, but I don’t think he’s projecting hidden shame in being attracted to someone else, I think it directly relates to bad self esteem and self worth and it may go back to some deep seeded sexual trauma as a child that just make him inherently distrust everyone or assume everyoNE will hurt him and cannot be trusted… is this just projection of him hating himself for being violated?
A lot of this information seems textbook and not reality. Do you mean to tell me that ‘calling things out’ as they are is projection? Please! No, that’s telling the truth! If I am overweight, I am going to call it ‘overweight’. That’s why people cannot get real help nowadays because we’re too busy beating around the bush and finding the ‘non-judgmental’ or ‘politically correct’ way to say the truth. Well, keep the therapists in business with lying to people. I will save my money and continue to facts and truth, thank you! No disrespect to you – thanks for submitting your opinions.
Could do without the term “bitched about” under #2. This is 2020 after all.
For me it is the affair/cheating projection.As days went by I did recognise I disliked heavily the concept of being unfaithful because I faced trust issues that was caused since the beginning of my relationship.But it is not the case as my trust was broken or was smeared by something I never anticipated.It maybe a projection but combined with multiple situations of character problem of the other person who did not ‘earn’ my trust,just that I gave it away despite having the ‘unknown’ pop up to my face everytime has made me start doubting and simply fearing.My own insecurities aside,my trust was broken and I was mistreated.In the end while figuring out my own emotions I did discover that I wanted to do something or had some habits that I projected onto my girlfriend(from my part atleast).Hence along with the actuality of events happening,my trust not being gained nor was it kept in a consistent way and my own projections confirmed my once miserable state.
For me it would be feeling uneasy around other people. However, I dont get anxious with everyone or anyone..just certain people, does that still count as projection? For example, in my case its being around certain people that make me uneasy.
I think the thing that is most missing from this article is the idea that projection is indicated when one has an uncharacteristically strong emotion toward the behaviors or otherwise “personhood” of another. Many things turn us off or on but most of the times if you are a functioning person you don’t get hung up and very emotional about the choices of others that are outside of your circle. Understanding projection does become more complicated with intimate relationships, but usually the same things that you get “hung-up” with distant others come up in your personal relationships. I don’t think that “If I can do it you can” qualifies as projection. It is just an overused statement, and possibly the tendency for people to be intolerant of the differences that obviously exist between ourselves and others.
What about an example of someone who can’t stand the look of tattoos? No matter how beautiful (tattoos) they may be, the person is disgusted when they see, for example, a woman with tattoos up and down an entire arm. Is that projection if the person who is disgusted does not have any tattoos nor ever wants them? Trying to understand where that would come from? What is it? Also, what if it just is? The person doesn’t change their behavior in any way towards the tattooed people, the person simply doesn’t like tattoos. Sort of like if you don’t like certain styles of clothing, you don’t. Period.