In my time holding space for others and working on myself, I’ve learned that sensitive people – particularly empaths and highly sensitive types – are more prone to emotional issues such as depression and anxiety because of the way they’re wired.
I’ve personally experienced depression and anxiety frequently throughout my life and I have always found the root cause to lie in my finely sharpened senses.
The blessing and curse of being a sensitive person are that we can feel the world deeply, and while that includes feeling its immense beauty, magic and love (the blessing), it also includes feeling the world’s darkness, cruelty and insanity (the curse).

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When we become too consumed in one side of the spectrum of life we suffer terribly.
Without experiencing the beauty of life, we experience only darkness, and without experiencing the darkness of life, we experience a fabricated lie that leaves us unconsciously uneasy and neurotic.
Where Does Deep Sadness Come From?
Deep sadness occurs in a person’s life for many reasons, ranging from tragedy, to trauma, to chemical imbalance.
But for the sensitive person deep sadness is usually existential; in other words, it involves mourning the self and its relation to life, and life and its relation to the self.
It’s not uncommon for this deep sadness to begin awakening in childhood as the self begins to develop from a young age and starts to perceive itself as “separate” from others.
I call this the fundamental core wound as it is at the very core of all our suffering in life. I will expand on this a bit later.
When we see ourselves as separate from everything, as isolated little islands that are different or somehow unequal to others, we begin developing emotional and psychological complexes.
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We start thinking thoughts such as, “I’m so different,” “I’m so weak,” “I wish I could belong somewhere,” “I wish I could feel at home,” “The world has nothing to offer me.”
All of these feelings and beliefs stem from the unconscious realization that something is not right here and somehow we have been sucked into this “wrongness” that is inherent in all that we see.
This inherent wrongness, this primal anti-truth that is expressed everywhere we look, can be seen in the words, looks, actions, desires, dogmas, perceptions and beliefs of everyone around us – including ourselves.
As sensitive people, we are finely tuned to the tension that always exists between us and “others”: the jealousy, betrayal, insecurity, hatred, and pretension.
We also pick up on the tension within the environment: the abuse, the greed, the destruction.
And lastly, we are fine-tuned to the tension that always exists within us: the self-sabotage, shame, fear, isolation, and the hunger for something “more” kept under a happy, socially approved guise.
The more sensitive we are at the end of the day, the more susceptible we are to seeing through the grand ploy, the great fraudulence of life that makes us feel incomplete and unfulfilled.
But this sensitivity is a great intelligence – and in fact, I would say it is the greatest kind of intelligence there is.
How to Find the Light by Inviting the Darkness In
When we talk about being miserable and depressed we usually want to “get rid of it” or “free ourselves of it,” but the truth is that unhappiness is not innately a “bad” thing that must be destroyed.
The only “bad” thing is what we decide to do with those feelings; whether we decide to fully let them pass through us and open ourselves to learn from them – or resist them, hate them, fear them and repress them.
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Repressing, avoiding, hiding and resenting unhappiness is the only really true “sin” here, for it is directly harmful to our well-being both in the short and long term.
The truth is that you are absolutely allowed to feel deeply miserable and unhappy.
This doesn’t mean dramatizing your unhappiness, using your unhappiness to self-sabotage, or using it to self-pity, but realizing that you are allowed to feel sad means realizing that sadness is a normal (and in many cases) necessary human emotion. Without it, many of the greatest lessons of life would never be learned.
In my experience, the greatest lesson to learn as a sensitive person is that we are not who we think “we” are.
Although our sensitivity might make us feel special or victimized on the surface, deeper than that, past our sensations, past our thoughts, past our memories, is the truth of Who We Really Are.
And this glimmer of truth at the very least brings hope, and at the very most shatters your entire self-concept bringing immense liberation, restfulness and inner peace.
So how do we find this glimmer of truth? How do we finally find a place to call “home”; a place where we belong, a place where we can rest?
The problem here lies in our desire to search. We try to use the mind to cure the mind, but it doesn’t work that way.
What we can do instead is to give ourselves the permission to purely experience our suffering, our pain and emptiness – not to dramatize, hate, hide or suppress it – but to consciously feel it and to let it pass through us unhindered.
Consciously experiencing pain without resisting it in any way, shape or form reveals a beautiful miracle: suddenly the pain is not there, suddenly it disappears, suddenly it evaporates in the light of consciousness.
The only way you will believe this is by experiencing it first for yourself.
But what will you discover after the pain is gone?
Silence; a deep, pure, loving silence that exists behind every emotion, thought, belief and sensation.
This silence is also known as “God,” “divinity,” “life force,” “nirvana,” “eternity,” “oneness” and “consciousness.” This is the truth of who you are – and darkness paradoxically opens a doorway to experiencing that light.
Your sensitivity is just as much a gift as it is a curse because it allows you to experience this reality more readily than others.
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Finding Balance
Once you realize the truth: that your identity (sense of self) is an illusory barrier that unnecessarily prevents you from experiencing the limitlessness that is “you,” you start learning how to laugh at yourself again.
But this often requires practice. De-programming your mind doesn’t always happen in an instant.
As I explored in a previous article, six of the most powerful questions you can ever ask yourself include the following:
- Am I this emotion?
- Am I this thought?
- Am I this physical sensation?
- Am I this circumstance?
- Am I this body?
- Am I this personality?
Yes, these elements all belong to you, and you experience them but are they really “you”?
Who are you? Are you a transient emotion that comes and goes, a thought that rises and ceases, or a body and personality that ages and changes?
Can something so transient and ephemeral really be you? If you are none of these things then, who are you?
Deep, constant self-inquiry will reveal that who you truly are has no name, no form, no identity and no limits.
You are Life itself.
When you allow depression to be your teacher you will see the hidden gift that is has been trying to give you all along: that your true home, your true liberation has been here all along, within you.
You just needed to experience the lie and hopelessness of division to uncover the truth and liberation of what can never be divided.
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I disagree with some points in this article.
Quote from article:
“The blessing and curse of being a sensitive person is that we can feel the world deeply, and while that includes feeling its immense beauty, magic and love…”
And to this I say, I don’t see this as much of a blessing if you don’t have anyone to share those feelings with. It makes you feel more alone because you know nobody else sees or feels what you do.
“…it also includes feeling the world’s darkness, cruelty and insanity (the curse). When we become too consumed in one side of the spectrum of life we suffer terribly. Without experiencing the beauty of life, we experience only darkness, and without experiencing the darkness of life, we experience a fabricated lie that leaves us unconsciously uneasy and neurotic.”
So basically if you focus only on the beauty of life, you’re living a lie and you’re going to be neurotic. Thanks, that’s real nice. I’m someone who unfortunately has had a lot of bad things happen in life, and thanks to being a sensitive, I can’t simply bounce back from it like everyone else. I remember back to being a child where I probably escaped into fantasies to feel happier. So I guess that was all a lie…and sensitives shouldn’t do that. You have to feel the pain, they say, what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger (another lie. It may almost break you but not kill you).
Something else i take exception to: the idea that if you really feel your pain without hindering it, it will *magically disappear*. Poof. Gone. What a laugh! Our pains, sorrows and hurts won’t magically disappear the moment we decide to allow them to be felt. In fact, oftentimes they get worse before they get better, and it can be a lifelong process to work through trauma, and one may never be completely free of it. Apparently you aren’t someone who has had some deep trauma, and you were able to work through your sadness immediately. That’s nice, but not realistic.
Thanks for this post and thanks for all your replies! It feels SO good knowing that I’m not alone with these feelings! I felt like I didn’t belong in this world since 4 years old (as far as I can remember). I’ve done naturotherapy last year and it has awaken me to myself and all my possibilities. I enjoy being sad once in a while and I know I’ll feel happy another day. I know I will and can get there. Since I’ve acknowledged those negative feelings and realized that they are – and will always be – part of me, I’ve felt better connected with myself. I’ve felt better in general too. I wish I could understand what my purpose is here though… it can’t just be to live this life.
Listen to your soul, experiment, explore, fail, get up, keep going. You’ll only find your purpose that way. ;)
I know what you mean, I remember from 3-4 years old I couldn’t connect with the other children and that was just the beginning of a thought that something was wrong with me. But I have been reading up on hsp this year and this article and with a help of a counselor I am realizing there is nothing wrong with me that I am the way that I am for a reason. I believe my purpose in life given to me by God is to care for young children and eventually open a home for foster children.
Good luck Val, kia kaha/ keep strong. xo
Another insightful article when it is most needed, A strain of memories from my childhood came to me…..connected with how I feel and see myself and the world today, thank you ALETHEIA LUNA. Keep posting, you are a great asset to the world. I wish I can meet you someday.
Thank you Yusuef, that is very kind. :)
THIS!!! Oh my goodness – THIS!!!
Thank you thank you thank you, Luna. You have articulated what I have never been able to, in all my 35 years.
<3 it's a slow process BB, one to constantly revisit and reintegrate into your life. xx
I really enjoyed this article! You’ve made a very elligant for logic and emotion to meet in the middle. I feel like this is an article i should read often. Do you think that when you give in and embrace all of it, it can feel so foriegn that its perplexes the pattern of chaos. In the sense that youve given to pain for so long that feeling of being content seems more complicated?
People become attached to their unhappiness which is why it may seem strange — they can’t picture any better future or self. So it definitely appears strange! The goal is to envision life and yourself without constant pain. It will give you something to work towards.
Fantastic article, you speak the truth here. We are more than who we think we are and feel. Sometimes we get stuck in our own shallow rut (the mind) and don’t realise that their is more to life than how we see it, perception. Be open to everything. There is more life outside our own heads. I think pain mostly comes from our own illusion. Real life is freedom, peace and love.
I would guess most people who read this article would think it sounds insane. I reached a point when I was at my worst emotionally where I chose to embrace my pain/shame/guilt, and as soon as I did, my whole perception of life and every emotion I’ve ever felt completely shifted into a situation where I could laugh at myself, not take my emotions too seriously, and not be so afraid of the times when those old not-so-fun feelings creep up — though they come around very rarely now. I COMPLETELY understood this article, having experienced all of these things for myself. I hope that many others will embrace the wisdom of this article, and realize that they shouldn’t be afraid of their pain, but will actually ease it by feeling it to it’s full extent.
You’re right, Coco, I felt similar experience. The moment when we embrace the pain, like you said, felt majestic to me. It was magical yet very real. I felt so blessed and relieved to realize that I am not my emotions or thoughts. Thank you Coco
Hello Samantha,
If you ever read me :) . I post this comment in addition to Luna’s answer.
In fact, being a highly sensitive person is something one is born with… It’s a neurophysiological reality (it’s been proved through scientific studies, but I have only found original French studies or studies translated into French. I have nothing in English). I don’t know how I can explain it properly in English, but in this case, the brain has more connections than a “normal” brain. Our 5 senses are permanently connected between each other and our environment. This is a gift and a curse, as says Luna. Our brain never stops working (it’s terrible when it causes insomnias !), and if our life experiences have been rather bad than good, then our superabundance of mental strength may not be harmonized and gets returned against us… This is the beginning of depression, neurosis, angst, anger, melancholy, etc.
Moreover, being a highly sensitive person may also mean having a high intellectual potential (“intellectual giftedness”). I have just found this article, and judging by its title, I guess that it could interest you :) : http://www.hindawi.com/journals/drt/2012/567376/ .
In France, some psychologists are specialized into helping and guiding highly sensitive persons and intellectual giftedness. They remain rare, but they have begun to be heard a few years ago by publishing very good and complete books on the subject. Some of them are also specialized into giving people IQ tests, which are in general only indicators of how your intelligence works (but of course, they also have the purpose of confirming the diagnosis of giftedness).
Maybe some psychologists of this kind can also be found in England and could give you some guidance ? You can also try to search some forums that gather intellectual gifted persons and/or highly sensitive persons, and read about their inner life and their inner sufferings and unspeakable feeling of lonesomeness… and you might find that they feel (or have felt) exactly the same as you. Who knows :) ?
It’s very technical so I’m not very good at explaining those things in English (this isn’t my native language).
In any case, you are not alone and you are not abnormal. You are just born, I guess, with a brain configurated in a different way than most of the human brains :) . The most difficult is to learn how to live with it.
You may be skeptic because of what I write if you ever read me, and it will be understandable. Consider my words as something you can look into and then do what you want with them :) .
Good luck on your way Samantha, I hope you will find serenity and harmony.
Thank you so much for this article…….I needed to hear this!
I absolutely love this article Aletheia! Can totally relate to feeling like an outsider because I too am an empath and an HSP. The things I still need to work on (51 years old and still working on it!) is when other people pick at me for no reason and I try to understand why. Then, in my frustration may vent to a person (whom I know is a gossip) and it gets back to the other person. Aarrgh! Learning to trust myself and being okay with resentment is an ongoing lesson. Maybe in some weird way I know this gossipy person will say something to that person picking on me. Passive aggressive I know ;) . My two cents for what it’s worth. Thanks again for all the work you do! Love this site!