Most of us define a Soul Mate as a perfect romantic partner who will fulfill every aspect of our being. Soul Mates are in sync with us, they are supportive, sexy, intelligent, funny, and will be part of our “happily ever after” story.
The truth is, life is not quite that simple.
Table of contents
What Exactly is a Soul Mate?
A Soul Mate is a member of your soul family. These are other souls that come into our lives for one reason or another, and they can be family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, lovers, and even enemies.
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We all have a soul, and when we encounter other souls in our lives, the friction of the meeting between two energy forces can create different, intriguing, and challenging effects. Some souls will feel as though they have known each other from another lifetime, some will clash, and some will feel at ease with the other person’s company.
Essentially, some of the souls that come into our lives will help us grow in love and wisdom, while others will aid us in learning difficult life lessons or universal truths.
No matter how fleeting the encounter, each soul that comes into our lives has the potential to provide a significant life-transforming moment, even that one girl who smiled at you from the window of a bus passing by.
Soul Mates serve as mirrors of ourselves. What we see in another soul reflects our own soul.
When we are capable of seeing others’ souls as ‘mates’, (including our enemies), as members of our family that are there to teach us life lessons, then our whole perception and relation to other people changes entirely.
Different Types of Soul Mates
In our language, we have the word ‘friend’, and the word ‘soul mate’ which is essentially romantic by nature. But how would you describe someone that falls in between? Someone who is more than just a ‘best friend’ but doesn’t have the romantic and sexual attraction of a ‘soul mate’?
We need to create new words to express these relationships we have with others. Here are a few words that help to distinguish these deep connections we have in life:
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Soul Friend
This is your most common type of relationship connection. These are the people in your life who you have chosen because your ego, intelligence or emotions are harmonious with the others. Essentially, you share the same tastes, interests, beliefs, sense of humor, and values.
While this connection is not as deep as a Soul Companion, a Soul Friend’s company creates little friction. Sometimes Soul Friends can become Soul Teachers, but generally, you are the one who chooses your Soul Friend as you perceive the world in a similar way to them.
Soul Teacher
Soul Teachers are composed of all the people in your life who have come to teach you a lesson. They don’t necessarily teach you intentionally but often provide challenging situations in your life for you to overcome and learn from.
Soul Teachers often come in the form of family members, friends, acquaintances, old lovers, momentary drifters, and even enemies. You attract them into your life because you need to learn something from them. For example, some teach you to cultivate patience for the guy who doesn’t signal before changing lanes, to stop lusting over the ‘bad boys’ that keep crossing your path, or to develop greater compassion and understanding for another person’s way of life and beliefs.
Usually, any friction in relationships is due to a failure in acknowledging something within ourselves, or in other words; a resistance to the lessons our Soul Teachers teach us. We can never change other people unless they are open to do so, but we can change ourselves.
Soul Companion
This would come closest to what we commonly define as a “soul mate” with the exception of romantic attraction. Soul Companions can be males or females, friends or family members. While Soul Friends are harmonized with us through their ego identities, Soul Companions experience soulful harmony with us. The nature of a Soul Companion is much more long-lived and stable to that of a Soul Friend for this reason.
Many times, the relationships you develop with these people will feel as though you’ve known them for centuries, even from past lives. With a Soul Companion, there is a great and deep understanding of the other person and a feeling that you are both on the same ‘wavelength’ of thoughts and emotions. These connections often last for a lifetime.
Soul Companions share both attributes of Soul Friends and Soul Teachers in that they experience ego harmony with us, as well as teach, help us learn, and grow without the friction of a Soul Teacher, as Soul Companions lovingly share with us the journey. One of the reasons for such depth and harmony is that they usually share with us the same Soul Age.
Soul Mirror
The ancient Greeks believed that our souls were once whole, and the Gods divided them into two different halves, and once we found our other halves we would become whole and complete again. That is the essence of Soul Mirrors.
Finding our Soul Mirror often feels like finding a piece of ourselves that was missing (even though, at a core level, we are whole and complete already). Many describe the feeling as ‘returning home’, or developing a greater sense of wholeness in the presence of the other person.
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Soul Mirrors share complementary, compatible life goals, and their spiritual natures are often in sync. They also experience immense levels of comfort with each other that cannot be experienced in other relationships, and they complement each other in many ways through their strengths and weaknesses.
Interestingly, the Soul Age development of a person plays a significant role in Soul Mirror relationships. Mature and Old Souls, for example, are more in tune with finding their mates as they are more capable of experiencing a peaceful, joyous love that is not rooted in infatuation. This love can be grounded in unconditional affection that requires significant spiritual development first to overcome the fears and possessive attachments that are involved in most typical relationships.
In the end, it’s important to remember that none of these relationships are better or worse than the other – they each serve a purpose in our spiritual growth and healing.
Why Soul Mates Come Into Our Lives
There are three ways a Soul Mate can come into our lives, and that is For a Reason, For a Season, and For a Lifetime.
It is important to know of this distinction because once you know why a Soul Mate has come into your life, you can know what to expect from that connection. All too often we find couples, for example, who are still clinging to the dead flower of a relationship that was once blossoming but has reached the end of its season. So let’s have a closer look at these:
For a Reason
When you come across a Soul Mate for a REASON, it’s usually to meet a need that has been expressed in your life. This can be for guidance, assistance through difficult times, support, depth of conversations, or simply as a presence for you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. A Soul Mate can last a moment or a lifetime, depending on the type of Soul Mate relationship it is.
For a Season
Then there are Soul Mates for a SEASON, or people that come into our lives only momentarily. These people may serve as catalysts to share, grow, and learn, or they may present themselves in a moment when we need to overcome our fears of vulnerability, or when we need someone to challenge our belief system, or even when we need to discover a passion we were unaware of. Regardless of the reason, these Soul Mates are only Seasonal and leave once their gift has passed on.
For a Lifetime
Lifetime relationships are predominantly Soul Mirror connections. They teach us lessons that are so deep, so intricate that they require a lifetime of loving growth with the other to assimilate deeply.
In lifetime connections, the strengths of one person are used to strengthen the other, and the harmony between both Soul Mates is so peaceful and flows so well that they often last a lifetime. These relationships are as rare and as precious as fine jewels, and we should feel immensely blessed if we encounter them during our lives.
***
There are an infinity of Soul Mates out there that we will encounter during our lives. While some come to teach us something new, others come to share our joys. While some last for only a few months or years, others last for a lifetime.
With these lessons and shared moments of bliss, we learn to grow spiritually and come closer to finding our wholeness as human beings.
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Hello,
This is really a nice article. I’ve searched and searched and searched about what is the meaning of soulmate and in fact, it turns out always be the same: many articles said that soulmate is someone who’ll be your partner in life. Well, can’t disagree but I think there might be something else, and your article makes my perspective wider.
I have a problem if you don’t mind to read. Me and my friend have the same wavelength, and we share the same interest, etc. I could say that I like him a lot and he knew. So sometimes he walked away if we’re to close , he didn’t want to get attached with me. Today, because I’m so tired with this kind of relationship (we’re not going anywhere but stuck) we want to make things clear by talking face to face. It turns out, we agreed that just being friend is easier for us. Well, he confessed that he ever had interest in me a while ago but he didn’t want to think too far, we can be a couple or married, or something else like that… he just didn’t want to think about it. I could understand his circumtances, and for some reasons, after talking to him, I feel the same way too. We’re doing great, but I don’t think we can be a nice couple and happily live together. But I still don’t know what kind of soul we are, are a soul friend, soul twin, or what?
Hola Azzahra,
Although we like giving absolute labels to our experiences, the truth is ‘soul mate’ is a very broad range of connections that we all experience to different levels.
To answer your question, there can be two scenarios that might explain your relationship with your friend. The first is one or both of you might have an unconscious fear of commitment or insecurity of being in a romantic relationship.
The second, and more likely one, might be that you’re experiencing what the Greeks referred to as ‘Platonic Love’. A union between two people who would seem like you’d be perfect for each other but for one reason or another, there is no romantic feelings involved, just a deep understanding and connection with the other.
Great article. A long time ago, I saw a woman at work and there was some instant attraction to her. She was just lovely and there was something about her. In an INTERESTING TWIST, this woman was literally my twin (without the actual blood ties). We shared the same birthday (day, month, year and HOSPITAL – we were born about 1 1/2 hours apart). When I found this out, I thought there was something magical. However, I was not very social adept and never really asked her out. I found out later that she was seeing someone anyway.
Years later, we have remained good friends through thick and thin. Through her relationships, I’d always thought that maybe we would “become lovers” at some point. We knew each other very well. However, it was apparent at a dinner this past Christmas that our chemistry (at least at this point) just didn’t carry in that direction.
Once I had acknowledged that perhaps I was viewing things in the wrong lens, it seems our friendship sped up even more. We started talking about self improvement, relationships and how to “help each other”. I admit that I am slightly envious of her having a new potential BF. However, I am trying very hard to reconcile and understand that it is a learning lesson for me.
This article resonates as I’ve had a lot of friends be there for me. Even though I had hoped this friend would be a romantic partner, I am seeing that perhaps there is something to be learned from her and while hard, it is the best for me.
That’s a wonderful outlook to have from the experience and a very helpful one for your own journey of growth. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks! I had forgotten about this article. I appreciate you responding. A quick update for you (and anyone else). For the moment, I put my friendship with my “twin” on hold. For some reason, it was difficult to talk to her about her potential partners. I believe a part of it was a deep infatuation I had (similar to one of the posts below). While I haven’t talked to her in a month or so, I have emailed just to keep the friendship fires lit. I think my friend understands I need my time.
I am re-reading the article and various comments and I like that you should just “do what you do” and let things come to you, rather than forcing yourself to be anything else but yourself. It’s a hard practice because some people feel my sports passions are not conducive to women. But I’ve slowly realizing that it’s what I love and someone out there will appreciate and respect it. Thanks again for the article and hopefully you will have more deep thoughts in the future.
I applaud your decision, it is better to let love happen rather than forcing it by trying to fit other people into our hopes of romance.
Thank you for sharing.
This is a very good article and I love it. It give distinction on what soul mates could actually be; soul twin, soul teacher, soul friend, and soul companion, since I think these days people over-generalise what soul mates actually are. It makes me sad that even distinguished like this, I could not pointed out this man I have unrequited love was what kind of soul mates, because if I have to be frank, he would be the combinations of all soul mates. But I could be wrong after all.
Hola HopelessRomantic,
That’s a difficult dilemma to find yourself in. I feel that everyone is a combination of any of these soulmate relationships; every person in your life has the capacity to teach you something, every person to some degree has the capacity to be a “Soul Friend” within certain topics you both have in common.
But only when you spend enough time with these people will you be able to tell exactly how in tune you both are and what length the relationship has the potential to continue; a reason, a season or a lifetime :).
Thank you Luna for such articles as this. I am in crisis trying to learn from an ill fated infatuation with a woman who simply doesnt feel that way toward me. We are bitter toward each other and its wearing me out. I am trying to surrender to the reality of the situation and I’m just not there yet (and I’m 50 years old!!) I truly hope one day I will forgive her and mostly myself for things said and actions taken. I recently discovered you and your wisdom is humbling. I am very encouraged that I will, one day be thankful for this experience and realize it was a necessary chapter in my life. Thank you for being you.
Hola Kevin,
It’s the moments of crisis that exaggerate the greatest frictions within ourselves and help us learn the most.
As unfortunate as it may seem now, our attachment to incompatible lovers often comes from our fear of finding no one better, sometimes even because we don’t feel much better than they are.
In life we only attract the love we think we deserve; so when we value ourselves highly enough we often come to realize that many of our past loves were in fact reflections of our little respect and affection for ourselves.
I look forward to hearing of your growth and evolving during this journey :).
I think this is BS. A reason to doubt more with the idea of being content with one self and not striving to grow a lifetime with one person. I know it’s a soft of new way of thinking but for some it might be an excuse to drop someone if they are not meeting those requirements when it could have nothing to do with their partner and everything to do with themselves. I know this is a pointless discussion, but I believe as a mag pie or an eagle that when they CHOOSE a mate it’s there mate for life or even the penguin. There is nevery in any of their way of living a chance they might want to mate with another. They are there mates they both choose it. They commit to it. Guaranteed other animals like lions have more than one female to one male. I believe it’s a guide line to show us our own options. We know where our hearts lie that we can very happily and enjoy one person for the rest of our lives… .. when we choose that path it sets us on it. For some it might be they choose to experience more than one long term relationship and another who chose that does the same. For sure it’s more glorious when you are content with yourself so that you are not draining your partner to fill a void or lack of self love. Anything is possible to what we choose to believe in.
Comparing the relationships of human beings who experience self awareness and don’t only act out instinctually like animals do is the first mistake. By the same reason, we should hunt and kill when we are hungry instead of using our souls to develop compassion and realizing that animals feel pain as well so that we can strive toward changing our eating habits.
In my own life I’ve encountered plenty of twin soul friends or soul teachers that I felt a connection with when our paths crossed. Eventually though, we both developed different interests or I learned what they had to offer me.
To think that all relationships can last forever till death to you part by its very nature also means that we are incapable of growth or variety. What makes the world so beautiful is that it’s full of diversity of interests, of purposes and meanings. Not only that, but everyone has a different capacity of learning and changing their behaviors so that sometimes one of you outgrows the other and you’re left in a relationship that is lack the spark that initially was there.
That’s what a twin soul is; someone who is in your wavelength of interests/purpose and develops at the same speed you do which is a relationship that can last a lifetime.
Thought provoking article and discussion!
I agree one will never find romantic love OR a soulmate by actively seeking it out. A person who does that is bound to find “soulmates” and “lovers” everywhere they look, forcing square pegs into round holes, fooling themselves into believing the other person is the “perfect” match–when in reality, the object of their affections was just beautiful enough to catch their attention, in the right place at the right time, and vaguely fit within the parameters of their current desires.
I feel the only way you can truly find your match is when you are doing the things you love to do because thats how you find the people who also love doing those things or share similar ideals.
I really like your analogy of “A reason, a season, or a lifetime.” I’ve always been so saddened by how almost everyone important in my life–besides my immediate family–have simply drifted out of my life over the years. People I considered dear friends. People I felt inspired by. They never left with any fanfare or fireworks; just…gone. Whereas my husband still has the same childhood friends he grew up with!
I dwelled on the things I must be doing wrong as a friend, but now wonder if some of the reason is because they were simply Teacher souls there for a reason or to only last a season?
Thanks for the food for thought!
Hola Alielle,
To have friends drift in and out of your life is sign of a constant growth process, you’re never seeking the same and always evolving in new ways. I myself have very little friends that I would consider ‘close’ and stable; most people come in and out as well.
But there’s also the possibility of someday having these friends re-enter your life and finding out they had been on a similar path, only a different route. Then the friendship can be rekindled for as long as this track of the journey is meant to last :).
Thank you for sharing your own experience with this.
Wow! I always felt I was doing something wrong–thanks for reassuring me I was actually growing.
After reading some articles on here about Energy Vampires and 19 examples of how you are making people dislike you, I was contemplating whether My problem was that I was draining people or simply annoying them.
Thank you for providing alternative reasons for why people come and go from my life so often.
Hola Alielle,
Whether it be positive changes like the expansion of our perception of reality or not so wise ones like being energy vampires; the important thing is we are changing, morphing and growing. A caterpillar turning into a cocoon could be seen as a negative process, but in reality, they are preparing towards turning into a butterfly.
It is the people who never change, for the better or the worse, who live in a lukewarm state without self-inquiry, self-exploration and a thirst to learn more about themselves that are in the worst position of them all.
That’s our job here in LonerWolf, to provide different perspectives, different ways that might help you understand yourself.
Nice article. Wish i can find my soul twin as soon as possible.
Thank you Iqbal. Don’t worry, your soul twin will find you if it is destined to happen. We can never set ourselves out to find something as complex as a “soul twin”, all we can do is work on ourselves to best the best possible self we can and be receptive and open when new souls come into our life as you never know which one may be a soul twin :).
Good stuff Sol. I was thinking the other day about how well I get along with a colleague of mine,our interactions are so smooth and pleasant,I feel as if I’ve known her for years (I only met her last year). I even like to joke with her that we are family whenever I annoy her! This is the first time I’ve felt such a connection with someone,and I’m not infatuated with her. I feel as if I’m a soul teacher to other people in my life (this might be the ego talking,but I think even to my parents and older brother) and a soul student to certain people that majorly affect my life and learn some life lessons from (whether I like them or not). This article perfectly sums these occurrences up.
Gracias Lupe,
Those types of “lifetime feeling” relationships are the best, there’s such a beautiful flow of communication between the two that you can reach immense depth of connection to these people very quickly which might take you a lifetime with someone else.
I think there’s nothing wrong with considering yourself as a Soul Teaching to some people in your life. One of my students is actually a Soul Teacher of his own group of friends, and one day we were talking and he came to a conclusion that I thoroughly enjoyed, he said; “I teach so I can learn, and I learn so I can teach”.
Keep up the great soulful work! :)
This is a subject which is on my mind a lot recently. I’ve been meeting people lately whom i’ve instinctively recognised as “soul family”. I’m recognising several “soul teachers” in my life right now too; I know that they’re here to teach me something, as i feel awkward being around them, but life keeps throwing them into my path! Being around them just seems to throw certain insecurities of mine into the light. It’s not so much fun, but it’s definitely forcing me to confront some things ;)
I’ve also been sensing an impending meeting of someone very very important; a twin soul, i feel. I can’t explain it rationally, but i just sense his presence. It started as a vague feeling, but it’s becoming more and more pronounced each week! I’ve noticed also that the amount of synchronicity in my life- especially regarding soul connections- is increasing dramatically too. It’s almost a bit ridiculous, and makes me laugh often.
In a way, i guess we’re ALL soulmates of one sort or another. We’re all little mirrors of each other!
Thank you for another lovely article x
Hola Bee!,
From what you’ve share it does sound like you’re listening to your intuition ( https://lonerwolf.com/old-souls-intuition/ ) quite a bit considering the amount of synchronicity occurring in your life.
I’ve always felt this “soul-family” is necessary in our lives to provide is with personal growth. Solitude is of course essential to allow space and time to observe and comprehend aspects of ourselves but the friction of others is also necessary to reflect our flaws.
As you’ve mentioned, other souls work as our mirrors; if we lived in a cave we’d all think we are perfect. It’s only when we come across other people, interact with them and see that we lack thoughtful, or gratitude, or mindfulness when in their presence that we can become aware of the areas we are struggling with.
Great comment, thank you for sharing this with us :).
Consider yourself lucky if you are in a long term relationship and you are best friends with your partner. Some people’s destiny is to be looking for a soul mate like Greek mythology. Others are not so picky! Perhaps it’s unrealistic to think that your soul mate feels the same and will never betray this idea!.Personally, I believe in the friendship aspect of marriage.
I think if you’re looking for a soul mate, you make it more difficult to find. As I mentioned in the comment below all that matters is working on ourselves, searching through our own soul to make ourselves a person that is worth loving.
Plenty of relationships are based on two people who feel lonely when they are alone so they accept someone, anyone, to fill that void. That is not love. That is utilitarianism, using someone else as a means towards a gain.
Instead, we should learn to enjoy our own company, our own solitude, keep ourselves healthy, to enrich our minds, to make our souls blossom with substance. Your twin soul, if they are truly your twin soul, will feel attracted to this best possible you and the rest will just happen if it is destined to happen.
Being a romantic person I like to see couples who have got it right. Perhaps we can imitate them!
That would be a good idea :), assuming the qualities that keep them together are imitable.
One of the strongest factors as to whether a relationship will last or not is based on what psychologist Gottman’s calls the Four Horsemen: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt. Gottman apparently can predict in his decades of research whether a couple will survive the next two years or not with a 80% accuracy.
If there are any signs of contempt especially during arguments or conversations, that is the first red flag.
This can serve as something to be aware of to stray away from it.
How do you deal with, after finding your twin soul, them sort of keeping you from the dailys rituals that you engaged in that made you the “best possible you” that they fell in love with. Im sure most dont do it intentionally of course, but in most relationships i find my time being cut to where i cant do those things that center me. I can only imagine how drastically that time can be cut if we lived together or even “worse”, married. *Gasp*
The irony of most possessive love is that a person see’s a beautiful free bird and they want to possess it to make them happy. So he puts it in a cage to keep around, it’s not a visible cage but a mental one.
Then as time passes, the person feels unconsciously guilty. He doesn’t know why, but for some reason the bird he took doesn’t make them as happy as it use to. They have cut off the wings of the bird, the freedom of it which is what attracted them in the first place.
A twin soul does’t necessary mean they will be at your same level of growth spiritually. They might be when you meet them, but if you both grow at different speeds, one will eventually surpass the other.
There is two options; to find out if the other person is willing to grow as well to the level you are in, because if they aren’t receptive to changing there is no point in trying.
Or to acknowledge that this soulmate relationship was only Seasonal and not for a Lifetime.
It was difficult, sad even, having to come to the realization that there isn’t one person that you will live happily ever after with. I’ve always been a hopeful romantic; romance films are among my favorites. They fill me with joy. It’s as if i am watching dreams of mine vusually on television. But, lately i’ve come to appreciate the realities of the world, and just work on myself.
Some flowers are perennial and others simply annual…the right climate dictates which is which.
I agree that finding a soul mate that is a twin soul is very difficult and quite often rare. But to say that it will never happen I think is more of an absolutist reactive statement than one that is based in reality. I’ve met plenty of couples throughout my life that have been married for 50-60 years and they still hold hands, still look at each other lovingly and even are quite playful with each other.
I think the path you’ve chosen though is more beneficial for yourself and if you’re fortunate, for your beloved as well. To work on ourselves is all that we can really do. Films as you point out, are based on romanticizing love as if all loves were the same. Some last momentarily, others last an eternity; why should we want all loves to be a happily ever after?
The objective of the journey is not the destination (a Notebook like finale dying next to your beloved) but rather the journey itself, the experience of love just for the sake of love, and nothing more.