Note: this is a contemplative blog post rather than a traditional article. What I’m doing here is offering my thoughts and reflections in a more spontaneous way, so you won’t get in-depth or seven-step solutions. Enjoy the ride. :)
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A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the deep thinker and their relationship with belonging and craving for aloneness.
Today I want to explore the deep feeler and why so many of us empathic lone wolves and spiritual wanderers can easily become overwhelmed in this day and age of media overstimulation.
I’ll also share some reflections on finding our way back to the Self through setting clear self-sovereign boundaries.
Yes, You Can Be a Deep Thinker AND Feeler
Before we dive in, I want to point out from the beginning that being a deep feeler and a deep thinker are two sides of the same coin and we all contain both to varying degrees.
Pop psychology would have us believe that we’re either one or the other – aka., you’re either an introvert or extrovert, an alpha or beta personality, or a scientist or artist.
I used to believe, for example, that I was purely a feeler based on my MBTI personality type which is the INFJ.
Then, through life experience (and some comical revelations from Mateo), I realized that I’m more on the fringe between INFJ and INTJ – perhaps an INXJ. :-)
As Carl Jung – who was responsible for popularizing the notion of thinkers and feelers, introverts and extroverts – reminds us,
There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert. Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum. Those are only terms to designate a certain penchant, a certain tendency.
So I want to nip in the bud the notion that we’re “either/or,” because we’re not. We are nature, and nature is complex.
You can be both introverted and extroverted to varying degrees (and of course, you will edge toward one end of the spectrum more than the other).
Also, you can be both a deep thinker AND a deep feeler – and in fact, one enriches and supports the other.
At the core of the spiritual wanderer is the wild and free energy that longs to embrace and accept all sides, energies, and parts within us.
As poet Walt Whitman once wrote, “I am large, I contain multitudes.”
So here’s your permission slip (not that you need one) to embrace and reclaim both sides of you. ;)
The Anthropocene, Deep Feelers, and the Curse of Media Overwhelm
Now that we’ve clarified the whole thinker/feeler topic, I want to explore just how profoundly exhausting it can be to be a sensitive deep feeler in this day and age.
We’re living in the age of the Anthropocene or “recent age of man”– a term popularized by atmospheric chemist and Nobel laureate Paul Crutzen back in 2000.
This is a period of time characterized by huge advancements in globalization, technology, and, unfortunately, mass environmental destruction wrought by humans.
But here I want to zoom into the details of our everyday lives.
This is also an age of technology, an age of mass and rapid information exchange … and inevitably, an age of overwhelm and anxiety.
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Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Substack, X, Amazon, Netflix, Twitch, Quora, and a multitude of other information exchange platforms are at our fingertips.
And for us deep feelers and empaths, these platforms can easily become too much, too soon, and too often.
Not only that, but I argue that this “too muchness” has not just a depleting impact on our bodies and minds, causing us to become fragmented and dysregulated easily, but it also drowns out our own Soul’s voice and authentic yearnings.
AND not only is our inner knowing drowned out by the bombardment of other’s voices, but our creativity is also stifled by the mass recycled mediocrity of what we see and consume (propagated by others whose inner voices have also often been drowned out, and are often just regurgitating hearsay from others).
When our creativity is stifled, life feels dead and dull, and we lose touch with what truly makes us feel alive and satisfied on a deep level, beyond the immediate gratification dopamine kick of scrolling, clicking, and liking.
When we are in this state of uncreative, deadened, dysregulated, inner chaos, we’re easier to control, persuade, market to, and keep the system of toxic capitalism and consumerism ticking along.
But that’s a topic for a whole other blog post.
The Deep Feeler, Self-Sovereignty, and Creating Your Own Rules
I wonder how often you’ve walked away from social media or engaging with any rapid information exchange platform feeling uncreative, deadened, dysregulated, or full of inner chaos?
I know that for me, it has happened quite a lot. In fact, that’s why I decided to write this post in the first place:
I’m sick and tired of being at the mercy of the algorithms and of mediocre half-thought-out, fast-food content.
As a deep feeling HSP (highly sensitive person) and empath, there’s only so much I can take on these platforms.
Even spending a minute on Instagram, for instance, immediately lowers my mood and triggers feelings of toxic comparison and anxiety.
Some people go the extreme route and cut off all contact with all forms of social media – and this is certainly a great option, especially if you find little to no benefit within these spaces.
But for others who want to stay in contact with the few thinkers, authors, creators, and guides out there who produce original, enriching content, we’ve got to find a way to combat the overwhelm.
To come back home to ourselves, to the voice and yearnings and creative spark of our Soul, I believe we need to stop being passive consumers.
Instead, we need to be active and self-sovereign participants in these spaces.
That’s why I propose, lone wolf personality style, that we create our own rules.
These rules can serve as filters that sift out the second-rate soul-sucking content, and let us focus on what nourishes us.
These rules also serve as mental, emotional, and energetic boundaries that protect us from feeling overwhelmed, bombarded, and drained of our vitality as deep feelers.
Questions to Help You Craft Your Own Rules
An essential part of the path of spiritual awakening is reclaiming our self-sovereignty – which is the lesson that we learn in levels three and four of the spiritual wanderer’s journey.
Self-sovereignty is essential because it allows you to take back your time, energy, creativity, and sense of connectedness to life – it’s a doorway to coming back home to your Self.
Crafting your own rules for consuming and processing information is one powerful way of learning self-sovereignty.
Here are some questions you can ask to help you create your own protective rules as a deep feeler:
- Does this person/content leave me feeling enriched?
- Do I toxically compare myself with this person or these people?
- Is this content unique and thought-provoking or just more of what I’ve already seen/heard before?
- Do I resonate with this person’s energy or approach?
- Does this person position themselves as an untouchable authority that can’t be questioned (cult-mentality alert!)
- Does this person/creator/content seem sincere or merely out to collect likes or attention?
- How biased or extremist is this content and does it encourage reflection or reaction?
- How much and how often do I want to hear from this person/creator/website?
- What limits do I set with who is allowed into my email inbox?
- Does this content reinforce a victim mentality or spread unnecessary rage-baiting negativity?
- When I get older, will I regret filling my mind with this content?
- How much information is too much? When do I set a limit?
- Am I using this information consumption as a way of avoiding my inner feelings?
- How do I know in my body when it has had enough? What are the signs I need to pay attention to?
If you have any other questions to help you craft your own rules, I would love to read them! Post them in the comments.
Examples of rules that you could start off with could include:
- I’ll only spend 5-10 minutes on this platform per day.
- The moment I notice rage-baiting or ego-serving attention-seeking, I’m unfollowing/unsubscribing.
- I will sign up for the mailing list of 5-7 people or websites, and that’s it.
- When I don’t resonate with the content of someone any longer, I’m leaving.
- I choose only 1-2 social media platforms to be on.
- I will dedicate 10-20 minutes a week to reading the emails/content from my favorite creators.
- When I start feeling my body tense up, my heart becoming heavy, or my mind entering a dissociated state during my media usage, I’m logging off.
Again, these are only examples, and I recommend that you create your own that are tailored to your unique requirements (but you’re also welcome to use mine).
The rules you create can also change and evolve as your life situation or inner needs shift.
So be sure to keep them somewhere handy (like on your phone’s notes or desktop word document) to adjust them.
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As deep feeling lone wolves and spiritual wanderers, we need to be our own best friends, protectors, and allies.
There’s so much information out there that it can cut us off from our own inner source of wisdom, creativity, aliveness, and well-being.
I hope these thoughts, reflections, and pointers have inspired you in some way to reduce the overwhelm and find more inner groundedness.
Here’s a question for you:
As a deep feeler, how do you avoid overwhelm and come back home to yourself in this day and age?
Feel free to share your answer below!
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Right on time. Lucky for me, Mother Nature steered my current social media absence. I was without Wi-Fi for nearly a week; currently reconnected, but I won’t bother to return. It was a major distraction, my work and mental health suffered. Now I’m completely immersed in my hobbies. So much healthier and happier without it.
It seems as though the world has created a new, high-tech version of the Tower of Babel. In our hubris, we created the internet, to try and reach the highest heights of human knowledge. In the beginning, the intent was good. But now, “Web 2.0” (i.e., social media) has been taken over by human greed.The insatiably greedy tech titans behind all the social-media platforms have deliberately designed and implemented algorithms intended to perpetually arouse peoples’ desire, envy and rage, in order to keep them scrolling. And so, everyone is now constantly distracted by the newest, shiniest “thing” on their screens, babbling away at each other, unable to connect with or truly understand each other, and hopelessly divided from one another.
I only had a FB account several years ago when taking an online course then deleted it immediately afterwards. I choose not to engage in any social media platforms for the sake of my well being and feel quite comfortable being away from all that. The last 4 years have been a roller-coaster of intense emotions, being even more self aware has been paramount in self care. Knowing when to turn off and tune out, go walking amongst the trees and nature in general is important and helpful. Being on the border of extrovert/introvert leaning more on the introvert side has been problematic in my past (younger years) but as a senior now I’m content to just be.
I use tools I learned while overcoming alcoholism and the underlying mental health issues fueling the addiction.
Yoga, Mindfulness, Artistic endeavors, playing, doing the opposite of what I’m feeling I should do, touching grass, being in motion, making good sleep, eating, physical and mental hygiene choices, having a healthy amount of self worth and reminding myself “I’m just as important as everyone else!”
Enforcing boundaries especially if edged out and feeling the burnout beginning.
Accepting that even with off days, days i misbehave, only fail, suffer through a day of opposition and delay, am rude and crude projecting my crap on those that dare come near, didn’t do a damn thing but sit and stare at a screen all day, disappointed people, I’m still worthy of love, success, peace and freedom from psychological drama.
I also have a small support group which is a true blessing because sometimes I’m so distracted by the mundane stuff I need someone to say “Hey, you’re doing your edged out behaviors. You alright?” Happened this morning in fact so your blog was good medicine. Thank You!
Can relate to this post def been one of them weeks mentally drained but feel like starting to come out of it so much has happened and realize got to come back to self over and over and be present. Thank you for sharing once again helps the overwhelm feelings feel more balance when you know your not alone in your struggles
Wow this post is eerily well timed. Just yesterday I wrote on my own blog a post about how I’ve just had enough and want to throw the entire internet out of the window. I’ve been having trouble sleeping for 2 months now and insane body tension and I’ve been trying to tend to my body and my brain literally piped up at 3am 2 nights ago ‘ok that’s cute but what poison are you allowing into your head and who is putting it there?’. Promptly deleted instagram from my phone and to be quite honest I’m just taking a massive step away from the internet as a whole and only checking up on people who enrich my life (👋🥰). I feel increasingly not only is there a ridiculous amount of toxicity and hate being spewed all over the place I just don’t need or want to be exposed to but also that we don’t actually have very much control over what is shoved into our eyeballs on the internet and the only option for me is to severely restrict my use of it and walk away as much as possible til I regain my balance and beyond.
I think being a deep feeler / thinker , introvert / extrovert is just being in balance. I was not on social media at all until January of this year . I joined Facebook to be part of a community for a course I was taking. Joined Instagram , too . At first Facebook was just for the group. Then what about this person from my past, then more groups , then 1 group that I was on for hours. Argh… had enough in April and deleted my account. I still have Instagram but that is a few minutes every few days or so .
Thanks , so much for this article and all the others you have created.
Light and Love to you both. ☀️🦉
I too believe we can be both. Especially now after the past 4 years. Before the “pandemic” I was so social and outgoing. I was always “on”. . Now I’m more off than anything and people for the most part, overwhelm me. It makes me sad, really.
But I find I can get really caught up in the YouTube videos about the “truths” in the world. I cry sometimes knowing that we’re screwed so to speak, and being from Canada it’s especially challenging.
To get back to (I don’t know if reality is the word I’m looking for) but to balance myself from the online toxicity, I go out to my yard with my headset on, music or an audiobook playing, and I water and tend to my garden, lay in my hammock, plant new flower. In the evening I walk to the valley to catch the sunset, or listen to relaxing music while I paint. Sometimes I won’t touch my phone for the whole day. It’s pretty great. My phone gives me anxiety when it rings so my ringer is most often off. It’s weird, I know. My phone if all things to have anxiety over.
I recharge my phone. I engage in self care. I clean the house and listen to music. I ride my bike or I cook food to get back home to what I am and how I feel about myself
This is a cool article. Fair point on how people can be thinkers AND feelers as well as introverted and extraverted on a scale. People can be more than one thing, very true.
Fair point about social media too, according to the norms I would be told I am living my life wrong… it’s been hard slowly trying to think how I can live as myself.