Note: this is a contemplative blog post rather than a traditional article. What I’m doing here is offering my thoughts and reflections in a more spontaneous way, so you won’t get in-depth or seven-step solutions. Enjoy the ride. :)
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A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the deep thinker and their relationship with belonging and craving for aloneness.
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Today I want to explore the deep feeler and why so many of us empathic lone wolves and spiritual wanderers can easily become overwhelmed in this day and age of media overstimulation.
I’ll also share some reflections on finding our way back to the Self through setting clear self-sovereign boundaries.
Yes, You Can Be a Deep Thinker AND Feeler
Before we dive in, I want to point out from the beginning that being a deep feeler and a deep thinker are two sides of the same coin and we all contain both to varying degrees.
Pop psychology would have us believe that we’re either one or the other – aka., you’re either an introvert or extrovert, an alpha or beta personality, or a scientist or artist.
I used to believe, for example, that I was purely a feeler based on my MBTI personality type which is the INFJ.
Then, through life experience (and some comical revelations from Mateo), I realized that I’m more on the fringe between INFJ and INTJ – perhaps an INXJ. :-)
As Carl Jung – who was responsible for popularizing the notion of thinkers and feelers, introverts and extroverts – reminds us,
There is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert. Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum. Those are only terms to designate a certain penchant, a certain tendency.
So I want to nip in the bud the notion that we’re “either/or,” because we’re not. We are nature, and nature is complex.
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You can be both introverted and extroverted to varying degrees (and of course, you will edge toward one end of the spectrum more than the other).
Also, you can be both a deep thinker AND a deep feeler – and in fact, one enriches and supports the other.
At the core of the spiritual wanderer is the wild and free energy that longs to embrace and accept all sides, energies, and parts within us.
As poet Walt Whitman once wrote, “I am large, I contain multitudes.”
So here’s your permission slip (not that you need one) to embrace and reclaim both sides of you. ;)
The Anthropocene, Deep Feelers, and the Curse of Media Overwhelm
Now that we’ve clarified the whole thinker/feeler topic, I want to explore just how profoundly exhausting it can be to be a sensitive deep feeler in this day and age.
We’re living in the age of the Anthropocene or “recent age of man”– a term popularized by atmospheric chemist and Nobel laureate Paul Crutzen back in 2000.
This is a period of time characterized by huge advancements in globalization, technology, and, unfortunately, mass environmental destruction wrought by humans.
But here I want to zoom into the details of our everyday lives.
This is also an age of technology, an age of mass and rapid information exchange … and inevitably, an age of overwhelm and anxiety.
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Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Substack, X, Amazon, Netflix, Twitch, Quora, and a multitude of other information exchange platforms are at our fingertips.
And for us deep feelers and empaths, these platforms can easily become too much, too soon, and too often.
Not only that, but I argue that this “too muchness” has not just a depleting impact on our bodies and minds, causing us to become fragmented and dysregulated easily, but it also drowns out our own Soul’s voice and authentic yearnings.
AND not only is our inner knowing drowned out by the bombardment of other’s voices, but our creativity is also stifled by the mass recycled mediocrity of what we see and consume (propagated by others whose inner voices have also often been drowned out, and are often just regurgitating hearsay from others).
When our creativity is stifled, life feels dead and dull, and we lose touch with what truly makes us feel alive and satisfied on a deep level, beyond the immediate gratification dopamine kick of scrolling, clicking, and liking.
When we are in this state of uncreative, deadened, dysregulated, inner chaos, we’re easier to control, persuade, market to, and keep the system of toxic capitalism and consumerism ticking along.
But that’s a topic for a whole other blog post.
The Deep Feeler, Self-Sovereignty, and Creating Your Own Rules
I wonder how often you’ve walked away from social media or engaging with any rapid information exchange platform feeling uncreative, deadened, dysregulated, or full of inner chaos?
I know that for me, it has happened quite a lot. In fact, that’s why I decided to write this post in the first place:
I’m sick and tired of being at the mercy of the algorithms and of mediocre half-thought-out, fast-food content.
As a deep feeling HSP (highly sensitive person) and empath, there’s only so much I can take on these platforms.
Even spending a minute on Instagram, for instance, immediately lowers my mood and triggers feelings of toxic comparison and anxiety.
Some people go the extreme route and cut off all contact with all forms of social media – and this is certainly a great option, especially if you find little to no benefit within these spaces.
But for others who want to stay in contact with the few thinkers, authors, creators, and guides out there who produce original, enriching content, we’ve got to find a way to combat the overwhelm.
To come back home to ourselves, to the voice and yearnings and creative spark of our Soul, I believe we need to stop being passive consumers.
Instead, we need to be active and self-sovereign participants in these spaces.
That’s why I propose, lone wolf personality style, that we create our own rules.
These rules can serve as filters that sift out the second-rate soul-sucking content, and let us focus on what nourishes us.
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These rules also serve as mental, emotional, and energetic boundaries that protect us from feeling overwhelmed, bombarded, and drained of our vitality as deep feelers.
Questions to Help You Craft Your Own Rules
An essential part of the path of spiritual awakening is reclaiming our self-sovereignty – which is the lesson that we learn in levels three and four of the spiritual wanderer’s journey.
Self-sovereignty is essential because it allows you to take back your time, energy, creativity, and sense of connectedness to life – it’s a doorway to coming back home to your Self.
Crafting your own rules for consuming and processing information is one powerful way of learning self-sovereignty.
Here are some questions you can ask to help you create your own protective rules as a deep feeler:
- Does this person/content leave me feeling enriched?
- Do I toxically compare myself with this person or these people?
- Is this content unique and thought-provoking or just more of what I’ve already seen/heard before?
- Do I resonate with this person’s energy or approach?
- Does this person position themselves as an untouchable authority that can’t be questioned (cult-mentality alert!)
- Does this person/creator/content seem sincere or merely out to collect likes or attention?
- How biased or extremist is this content and does it encourage reflection or reaction?
- How much and how often do I want to hear from this person/creator/website?
- What limits do I set with who is allowed into my email inbox?
- Does this content reinforce a victim mentality or spread unnecessary rage-baiting negativity?
- When I get older, will I regret filling my mind with this content?
- How much information is too much? When do I set a limit?
- Am I using this information consumption as a way of avoiding my inner feelings?
- How do I know in my body when it has had enough? What are the signs I need to pay attention to?
If you have any other questions to help you craft your own rules, I would love to read them! Post them in the comments.
Examples of rules that you could start off with could include:
- I’ll only spend 5-10 minutes on this platform per day.
- The moment I notice rage-baiting or ego-serving attention-seeking, I’m unfollowing/unsubscribing.
- I will sign up for the mailing list of 5-7 people or websites, and that’s it.
- When I don’t resonate with the content of someone any longer, I’m leaving.
- I choose only 1-2 social media platforms to be on.
- I will dedicate 10-20 minutes a week to reading the emails/content from my favorite creators.
- When I start feeling my body tense up, my heart becoming heavy, or my mind entering a dissociated state during my media usage, I’m logging off.
Again, these are only examples, and I recommend that you create your own that are tailored to your unique requirements (but you’re also welcome to use mine).
The rules you create can also change and evolve as your life situation or inner needs shift.
So be sure to keep them somewhere handy (like on your phone’s notes or desktop word document) to adjust them.
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As deep feeling lone wolves and spiritual wanderers, we need to be our own best friends, protectors, and allies.
There’s so much information out there that it can cut us off from our own inner source of wisdom, creativity, aliveness, and well-being.
I hope these thoughts, reflections, and pointers have inspired you in some way to reduce the overwhelm and find more inner groundedness.
Here’s a question for you:
As a deep feeler, how do you avoid overwhelm and come back home to yourself in this day and age?
Feel free to share your answer below!
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I don’t think I do a great job of keeping myself sovereign in an age of information overwhelm.
I get bombarded by political and environmental emails and texts and I do care about these issues but it’s way too much stuff to digest and I feel overwhelmed.
I try to unsubscribe from things, limit time on social media and focus on gardening and nature conservation work.
It’s hard. I’m naturally curious. As A boy I could spend hours looking at encyclopedias. I even used to read the dictionary! But that was the the 20th century.
For me, social media in small quantities are inspiring. I use almost only Instagram, and I just follow profiles that are in my interests, so when I’m scrolling I pay attention and read every post that catches my attention and I feel inspired. When I’m starting scrolling without even look what I am seeing, that’s the moment I have to switch off. So I’m trying to give myself limits of time, like 15-30 minutes for socials, mails and messages (getting lost on whatsapp is so dangerous too) and then stop. This actually works for many others activities for me, as I tend to get overstimulated and disconnected easily, and also when I’m creating something I need to put limits because after some time I’m not creating anymore but just going round in circles, losing myself in perfectionism or losing my energies.
It’s so important (and so hard, too) to learn how our mind and feelings work and set our own rules, especially in these times 🌸
I am so grateful that I am becoming more and more aware of the nefast effect of social media on my well-being when I am not present enough to notice how it depletes me of energy. I so slip gradually into a state of feeling dark and empty inside. What helps me most is first to limit my access to those spaces to the minimum, which varies from a few minutes most of the time to hours from time to time when I am not present. Thus, my safety jacket to not get sucked into that energy of depletion is my daily work to stay in alignment with my deep Self, through meditation, contemplation, breathwork, and self-care.
Sometimes I just need to let it come, so I can let it go. In balance I remember that feeling discomfort is ok as long as I don’t stay there.. I allow my higher intentions to bring me back to objectivity, and peace. It gets easier and is manifesting as a new habit. xo
I’m a deep feeling high-functioning autistic person and social media is a dangerous drug to me. I know I’ve had enough when I bang out a furious response to someone’s post. Sometimes I send it (and regret it later) but most times now I erase it. I’ve vented my feelings by writing the post so there’s no need to continue the argument. Like you said in your blog, I’m being more selective as to which groups I join and what material I read on social media. I’m more overwhelmed by the political situation in the U.S. right now and there is nowhere to hide from it. It’s everywhere. Bumper stickers, flags, conversations, social media, TV ads, it never seems to end. I don’t know how to make peace with the situation because the outcome is so important for people’s freedoms and rights. Either we keep our democracy or we succumb to an insane dictator. I don’t know how I’m going to handle the rest of this year. I’m not sure I can handle the upcoming stress without a major meltdown. I hate this.
Lots of excellent points in this article! I too am an INFJ, which I thought was quite rare? This is a deep, reflective personality much of the time and we need our space and ability to refuel our energies. We need to give ourselves time to do what nourishes us; social media in general (thankfully, not this site) often scratches the surface of issues and there’s a lot of ego posturing (who’s right/who’s wrong) which I can’t even relate to. I have learned to give myself whatever quiet time I crave. I live near a big river with rapids and a wild bird sanctuary. Being there restores my spirit. Also body movement. You made such a good point, Aletheia, about feeling more alive when expressing our creativity. I don’t know why that is but I feel more fully alive when engaged in a creative sense. A heavy diet of social media IS deadening because we can absorb other people’s opinions and beliefs to the extent that we lose touch with our own. Setting boundaries is an excellent idea. I find 30 minutes a day checking my favorite sites (mostly spiritual sites) is enough for me. Thanks for putting words to… Read more »
Thank you so much, I’m only halfway through the article, but you have confirmed my suspicion as to why I feel like I’m running on empty all the time. Now the change begins! As always thank you 🤗
I thought try something different and ask this week’s questions for the Loner Wolf web site. You’ll be pleased to know that Loner Wolf is not soul sucking! You pass your own test and are really good at what you do. Loner Wolf is soul uplifting! Keep up the good work.
Friendly plug for an iPhone app that I use to help limit my time on social media: one sec. I didn’t build it, I’m just a faithful subscriber. The way it works is you set up which apps you want to spend less time on (Facebook, Instagram, etc.). Then, each time you open the app, one sec shows up on the screen and tells you to take a deep breathe. And it makes you wait a few seconds before you can click “continue”! It’s annoying, but in a good way because it’s an opportunity to check in with yourself before mindlessly opening the toxic social media apps.
I keep my overwhelm in check by unsubscribing and unfollowing. Lonerwolf is one of my mainstays. Your content is always uplifting, affirming and helpful in this age of “too much”. I find space once a week to rest…stay home, putter around the house, ground myself in my yard, barefoot and laying in the grass, noting the sky, trees and songs of the birds. Workday mornings are taken by rising early with a hot drink near a window or on my deck with plenty of time so I’m not rushing to work. I check emails and view social media while I sip. When cup is empty, media is closed. Regular bedtimes are a necessary part of ensuring I’m fresh in the morning. I also enjoy a walk in the woods near my house before work in the morning refreshing my mind and body rejuvenating my spirit for the day.