A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free. ~ A. Schopenhauer
There are supposedly two main characteristics that have helped us stand out in our evolutionary journey; our unique 3D vision and our ability to work in groups.
Many people attribute our social instinct as one of the main reasons for our survival in an environment full of dangerous threats. Of course, there were a few lone wolves here and there who managed to survive on their own, but the majority felt comfort in being part of a larger social structure.
Within the last century or so, with the discoveries of science and the development of technology, something unique has begun to occur. Mass fabrication has become possible, and due to the massive developments in media advertising and the discovery of our sense of identity (also known as the Ego), mass consumerism has been born.
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Suddenly we’re informed that we all have the opportunity to be unique, to stand out from everyone else in the way we dress, the cars we drive and the houses we live in. Consumerism has provided a way of expressing our individuality, with more and more inventions coming out that promise us a happier life and lifestyle.
As a stronger sense of self has emerged within us, so too has a greater desire for self-fulfillment. We live in a time where we crave self-fulfillment as unique individuals. This is evident from the large numbers of psychologists, gurus and life coaches readily available to us at a click of a button. However, the more we adopt the solutions provided to us by society of consumption and ambition, the further away we find ourselves from inner-fulfillment at all.
Often we get lost in our search for answers in the external world and we forget that most of the answers can be found internally – if we provide the space for them to manifest themselves.
Now that our sense of self has become so strong, it has made itself more available to allow for its own evolution, or Involution, and personal growth. I believe we are at the beginning of an evolution of the self that will require immense Solitude to aid it.
It’s a great time for us to live in, and to begin our acceptance of Solitude now will make it a lot easier to be who we are destined to become in the future.
These are seven lessons you can learn when you find the space for Solitude.
1. Solitude Centers You
How often do you feel that life is living you, rather than you are living life? In the fast paced society that we live in, we often feel that our lives are controlled by the schedules, commitments and demands in our daily routines.
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In conversations with others we touch on the surface of many different topics without allowing ourselves to be completely absorbed by any single one of them. Solitude provides a strong center, an inner core, that makes your attention feel centered rather than dragged around by different social or environmental stimulations.
2. Solitude Connects You With Yourself
Stimulation in our technological age is everywhere, and it’s all too easy to spend a few hours drifting from page to page on Reddit or YouTube, playing games on your phone or watching endless amount of television. The truth is: technology disconnect you from yourself.
However, technology is not to blame, but rather our poor use of it. It captures our short attention spans and distracts us from true deep effort and work within ourselves. Social media also gives us a superficial sense of socializing, which is the true deep and multi-dimensional friendship equivalent to masturbation, compared with sex.
3. Solitude Makes You Authentic
It’s surprising and shocking when you become aware of all the ways in which other people influence the person you are. I have asked many people why they chose the jobs they did, or the places they live in and many told me they did so because of their friends or family.
It’s easy to get a job in a place where your friends work or go live where your family members live, but sometimes those decisions aren’t authentic to who you’re meant to be. The easily available options in our lives are not necessarily the truest to ourselves. We often get so consumed by listening to and watching others, that we forget to listen to ourselves.
How many people live in the city they were born in, work in the first field they decided to study, and have the same friends that they had in high school? I’m certain that these decisions we made because they were easy, or obvious at some point in life. Solitude helps you to listen to yourself, and your own needs.
4. Solitude Creates Space To Grow
We are all interconnected in many ways, but sometimes we need to find the space to allow ourselves to grow. Many of us have responsibilities as friends, partners, parents or sons and daughters, but these responsibilities can limit you.
Fitting into the expectations that the people around you have makes you less capable of truly finding out where your limits are. Social dynamics require a lot of energy and focus, and to truly grow and evolve you will need to use that intensity of energy and focus to push yourself towards new boundaries.
5. Solitude Inspires Creativity
Most of the greatest artistic works and inspired inventions have come in the midst of solitude. Solitude works as a catalyst providing the necessary time, space, intensity of focus and energy that is required to bring anything to life.
Without any external distractions, Solitude allows you to dig deep into your thoughts, your sense of beauty, and observe that which is true within you.
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6. Solitude Makes You Better Company
As you begin to discover more about yourself in Solitude, you begin to find new interests and passions. It is through the cultivation of these interests that you become an interesting person.
When you spend time alone you find the passion and space to pursue unusual fields of knowledge and in doing so you accumulate information that is worth sharing.
I’ve observed that in some circles of friends, they repeat the same facts or jokes because they all spend so much time around each other. Nobody goes out of their way to seek interesting hobbies or knowledge and so they have a limited circular library of information they share repeatedly.
7. Solitude Teaches You To Be Alone
Many people associate being alone with feelings of loneliness, but this is far from the truth. Whereas loneliness de-energizes you and is a burden to experience, aloneness re-energizes your body and mind.
And what about Solitude? Well, Solitude teaches you how to be happy alone and enjoy your own presence without feeling lonely. If you’re capable of being comfortable with your own company, this can also greatly benefit your social life, helping you to stop leeching off company and depending on other people to banish your feelings of loneliness.
Instead, Solitude allows you to enjoy their company unconditionally, being unattached, centered and with no hidden agendas.
Cultivating The Art Of Solitude
Depending on our temperament, we all need different amounts of solitude. But solitude these days is absolutely essential.
Solitude creates the space to explore yourself and the opportunity to become intimate with who you really are. Solitude allows you to become centered and in control of your life again.
You don’t have to become a hermit to enjoy Solitude – even small moments of Solitude are often enough. Ways you can incorporate Solitude into your life include reading a book, going on solitary walks, picking one day a week to go without technology, taking a relaxing bath, or even spending a few moments in the garden just contemplating the beauty of nature. Whatever works for you!
I’d like to hear some of the ways you practice the art of Solitude in your life, let me know in the comments!
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I am an introvert, so I prefer to spend time with people one-on-one. I thrive on emotional intimacy and cherish my close friends and family. However, I don’t mind solitude when I am emotionally stable, but when I am distressed, I hate being left alone because I feel abandoned. Currently, I spend almost 90% of my time by myself, which is too much, and I am often still lonely even when I am around others.
I think when it comes to the individualism vs collectivism debate, I don’t even think society is consistent with these standards all the time. For example, you’re supposed to be “unique,” but you also have to “fit in.” You have to be “independent,” but you’re also not allowed to “be alone.” You have to “have friends,” but you also shouldn’t “ask help” from friends. You should help others, because you’re selfish, but also you shouldn’t help others at all, because they’re freeloaders. You have to be think originally, but also repeat the same ideas. You have to be same enough, but not too different. And you have to be different, but not too same. People’s idea of individualism vs collectivism is kind of meaningless to me, regardless where cultures lean over one and the other. I think regardless of what culture you are, it’s best to have a balance. Maybe you rather lean to one side over the other, and that’s fine, but generally somewhere in the middle is nice. Individualism to the point that no one has empathy, compassion, or social connections anymore is depressing, but so is a kind of collectivism where everyone has to act the same, no one gets to be different, and everyone has to obey authority no matter what. There should be a nice balance, but everyone seeks a black and white solution. I don’t get it. Even people call themselves the opposite all the time. People defend judgmental doctrines, narrow bigoted views, and outdated traditions, and they tell people their “radical warriors,” or “Unique rebels.” Then when people defend new ideas, people call them “Being too close-minded,” “Too obedient to authority,” or “Indoctrinated by education.” Like. . . I think we have it mixed up here. People just have a persecution complex, because they act like the victim here, when most of the status quo agrees with their views already. But suddenly, a minority of society disagrees with them, and suddenly they’re persecuted. We’d stop minding your business if you stop minding our business.
Those that are totally on their own right through their lives can indeed gain a great deal of wisdom through their forced solitude, through their quiet reflection. Also, read “The Book of Nature” for that guidance which you seek is contained within.
This article is amazing! I’m going to start consciously creating space in my life for solitude; I’m in a polyamorous relationship with two other people and we all live together, one of my partners I’ve been with for 5 years, since I was 16.
I used to not be able to tolerate the thought of being alone and spending time with just me and my thoughts, it would terrify me as I was scared of the thoughts and feeling I knew would arise with solitude. When we moved out my parents and into our own home, I gained a great appreciation for solitude. My partner and I shared a room for 2 years and we were constantly around each other, the only time we’d get alone time was when one of us went to work. I really struggled with my emotions and thoughts because I never gave myself a safe place of solitude to process them.
Once I was able to do so in our new house, my life changed dramatically. I was no longer afraid to be alone, if anything I crave that solitude more. I’m able to listen to my intuition because I gave it space to be heard, rather than constantly filling my mind to the brim with other’s thoughts, problems and emotions.
I’m a first time commenter, and I want to say thank you for your articles and the information you share, I look forward to your weekly emails!
Really great article !!
Is there any book talking more in detail of these setps ?
Thanks !
As a sensitive and Empath it is very important to me to spend time alone and I really enjoy doing so. Long cliff top walks and woodland walks is my absolute favourite way of doing this as I breath in the air and the healing energies of the trees. Yes I do hug them. Meditation is also important to me to connect with my higher self and guides
For me, my favorite way to get in touch with my self is probably traveling. I spent my birthday one year in a small town all by myself (I wasn’t completely alone like Thoreau; I still saw people during the day, but I wasn’t with family or friends). It was by far the best birthday I’ve ever had. I spent years as well begging for a relationship and I had an epiphany that same year when I took my first vacation alone and I discovered this enormous gratification of being with and by myself. It was amazing!
Travelling alone is empowering, I spent 18 months doing so extensively in my late twenties and it has by far been the happiest times of my life .
I could relate to everything in this blog. I am an international student in Canada from India. I never knew how to be alone and how to just sit and think. My aim as soon as I landed in Canada was to learn to spent time with myself. Learn to know ‘me’ more. And it happened. I was thinking clearly doing all the right things, talking to people in a way that they got really impressed by me and thought that this guy knows where he is going. And to be honest, I had never experienced this side of me and I was looooving it!! I love who I had become and all this happened within 5 months. The 7 Pointer! I have experienced them all and OMG it’s incredible. It’s like a high you are in where you know what you are doing and what is happening around you. You know your further steps, you are more focused than ever, you are happier than ever, you are bonding better with others than ever, you are thinking perfectly than ever. I know why all this happened. I left my part behind, was in my present and was ready to get uncomfortable and was ready to experience whatever I can HAPPILY. And I work on the principle: Whatever happens, happens for the best and Whatever I do, I do it with my 100% potential. And my fuel was my vision. A vision for my better and a successful self. But I never knew all this had a term named solitude.
But since the last one month, I seem to be missing all this. not because of Corono or something. But maybe because I have limited my thinking because it’s been captured by assignments and work. I need to get out of this situation and the strategy I am using is a good morning routine that includes exercising, meditating, reading and a walk in the evening. Other than this I also want to be in control of my thoughts. I see that currently I am having so much in mind including the negatives. I am planning to not think at all and just focus on things I do at that particular time and that’s it.
If you have anything that could help my situation please let me know.
I don’t want to lose my focus again. I am an extrovert, spent my 23years in Mumbai graduated there, co-owned a travel company and performed dancing professionally for 5 years. I was a person who didn’t worry about the future and believed in going with the flow and hence never went out to do anything different or went and grabbed any opportunities. I always knew I have immense potential but never checked m=on myself. But now after experiencing this state of being alone and being happy I want to practice it more and more and more. I thought introverted people are boring but ohhhhh I was solo wrong. See now, I want to have their qualities as well.
Hi lonewolf! I loved the article and i happen to read it at the time i needed it the most! But can you also suggest ways to implement the art of solitude. Off lately i feel detached with myself, i want to find my center and feel more appreciative and confident about myself.. The way i used to feel few months back. Looking forward to your response
In the past I used to struggle with depression and suicidal feelings and was often alone in school, but back then I sometimes didn’t enjoy it as much, now that I’m healed I still am mostly a loner but I don’t feel bad anymore I enjoy it, it kind of gives me another outlook on everything and I can see the bigger picture.