You’re surrounded by people. They’re laughing, smiling, and talking. Everyone seems to be having a great time – they all seem to feel so connected with each other. But no matter how much you want that feeling, you can’t help but feel completely alone.
A sense of heaviness and hollowness may fill your chest as you watch them all:
I am alone, completely and utterly alone. Nobody can truly see me. No one truly understands me. No one even cares. I make no difference to them. I am not like them at all.
Your thoughts may spiral as the emptiness you feel becomes more and more suffocating.
Can you relate to these feelings?
Can you relate to being in a room full of people but feeling totally alone and isolated inside?
If so, I want to assure you that you’re not alone.
So many people (myself included) have grappled with extreme loneliness during life. But although this experience can be so hard to cope with, there is help and there are solutions.
By the end of this article, you should have a good understanding of why you feel lonely and what you can do about it.
Aloneness Can Actually Be Empowering
Here’s the thing: being alone isn’t always a horribly negative thing.
I know this may sound crazy. But hear me out.
Being alone isn’t always a bad thing because aloneness (or solitude) can help us figure out who we are, do some vital soul searching, and take a break from the insanity of the world.
Aloneness can be something refreshing, rejuvenating, and open a door into deep inner insight.
Not only can being alone help us figure out who we are at a core level, but it can actually empower us to walk the path less traveled and find our true meaning of life.
Why Aloneness Becomes Loneliness …
Being alone becomes feeling lonely when we can’t find the bridge of connectedness back to humanity.
Aloneness becomes loneliness when we undergo a bout of mental illness, existential crisis, or spiritual awakening that has been so extreme we feel like aliens on this planet.
When you are going through a life crisis or the process of spiritual awakening, you will feel displaced in this world. You’ll come to see through the lies and illusions of society. You’ll see through the “normalized insanity” of other people and will find no interest in what they value. You’ll feel displaced, stripped bare, and deeply isolated from those around you.
You’re Not Going Crazy
You may wonder whether you’re the only one on the planet who feels this way, who feels so isolated and lonely. Perhaps, even a small part of you may wonder if you’re going crazy or if there’s something deeply broken or wrong about you.
There isn’t.
What you are going through is perfectly normal in the context of what you’re experiencing. And no, you’re not alone. I have felt the horrible vacuum of existential loneliness, and I have spoken with and witnessed many others who feel the same way.
There Are Others Like You + You Can Use These Feelings to Your Advantage …
There is a group of people out there like you.
They too feel lonely. They too have lost touch with all their friends and possibly even family. They too feel disconnected from the world.
If you don’t believe me, just read the comments under this article.
Although you may feel incapacitated with despair or the gnawing feeling of desolation, please know that you can use these feelings to your advantage.
You can use your loneliness to become stronger, braver, and wiser.
You can tap into your inner wolf who is the primal force within you that knows how to survive on scarce human contact and thrive when life becomes dark and barren.
We’ll explore how to get in touch with that inner wolf soon. But first, let’s demystify and de-pathologize loneliness and reveal just how normal it is.
Is Feeling Alone Normal?
It might feel like you’re the only one experiencing loneliness. But you’re not. YES, it is normal to feel alone – and many people struggle with it.
Here are some stats:
- According to a recent study, nearly half of all Americans feel lonely. And in the same study, loneliness was found to affect younger people more than older people.
- In Australia, a study conducted found that 1 in 4 Australians feel lonely at least one day a week. Again, the stereotype that elderly people are those who feel the loneliest is false. In reality, international research has found that loneliness tends to be the most common among those between the ages of 16 and 25.
- In the UK, 9 million people (nearly one-fifth of the population) report that they are always or often lonely, with almost two-thirds disclosing that they feel uncomfortable admitting it.
Isn’t that amazing? And also tragic?
While these statistics aren’t meant to improve your situation, I hope they help to normalize it. Feeling alone is an experience shared by millions of people worldwide from all backgrounds, ages, and cultures. It’s actually more common than we think it is.
7 Signs You’re Feeling Alone
That’s where loneliness comes from, it isn’t the lack of company that makes us feel lonely, it’s this feeling of emptiness, of having nothing, of extraordinary uncertainty, frustration and a deep inner void…all that is felt when personal meaning is lacking, so we try to distract it, with books, movies, games, socializing, careers, anything to escape facing that void, from focusing our attention within and what is causing our inner black hole. We need distractions from the void, books, movies, socializing, careers, to escape that emptiness we feel within. – Krishnamurti
True loneliness is different from being lonesome – which is what most people experience at some point. Lonesomeness is the feeling of mild discomfort a person has when they spend their Saturday night watching a movie alone when they wish someone was there to share the experience with them.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is chronic. It’s not a temporary feeling that comes and goes: it’s there all the time like a shadow following you around.
So are you feeling alone? Pay attention to these signs:
- You feel lonely in a crowd of people
- You crave quality human interaction
- You feel disappointed with your relationships – you don’t feel a deep sense of connection with others that you crave for
- You tend to shop a lot or binge (to avoid the loneliness you carry inside)
- You struggle to relate to others and feel very different from your peers
- You often feel sad or depressed
- Physically, you may carry a feeling of that there’s an empty hole or void inside of you
How many signs can you relate to? Obviously, the more signs you resonate with, the more lonely you probably feel. Also, it’s okay if you’re experiencing something that isn’t included on this list (it’s just as important and valid).
Why Do I Feel So Alone?
There are many reasons why you may feel alone and disconnected from other people. You might have experienced:
- The death of a loved one
- Changing environments, countries, workplaces, etc.
- Not fitting in with those around you
- Being a primary carer of someone with a disability
- Divorce
- Mental illness (anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, etc.)
- Physical disability (loss of hearing, sight, movement, etc.)
- Racism or LGBT discrimination
If you feel severely lonely – and have for most of your life – this might be due to:
- Early life abuse (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically)
- An interruption in your childhood developmental stages
- Hostile/intrusive or withdrawn/misattuned parents
- Learned helplessness
If you feel severely lonely, I strongly encourage you to seek out a therapist (I recommend searching for those who are trauma-informed). While this article can help to give you a place to start, working through trauma-related issues is beyond the scope of what I present here. Trauma-trained spiritual counselors and therapists will help provide space, compassion, and tools for you to heal.
Also, keep in mind that it’s perfectly normal to feel lonely without any clear reason. Even if everything feels fine in your life, suddenly feeling alone out of the blue is not unheard of. Often, the feeling will pass quickly. But if it becomes persistent, it’s time to do some soul searching.
The Spiritual Cause of Feeling Alone
If you were to ask for an antidote to the anguish of human loneliness, I would suggest that you reencounter and reexamine the connection that unites us with the earth, our lost ‘umbilical cord’. I would invite you to recognize the presence of an inexhaustible love that remains unaffected by human affairs. It is not so difficult. Look around, remember the being that sustains us, and realize you are at home, always at home. – The Teachings of Don Carlos
If you’re not interested in the metaphysical, I recommend that you skip this part.
However, if you’d like to discover the underlying spiritual cause of feeling alone, stick around. I’ll try to be brief.
As spiritual beings having a human experience, our connection to the Divine is just as important as our connection to everyday tasks. We are not just meat suits walking around getting shit done: there is a deeper essence, a mysterious spark within all of us. That deeper essence is the Soul, which is part of the Great Spirit (or Life Force) that runs through all things.
Soul Loss and The Dark Night of the Soul
When we are disconnected from our Souls, we feel alone. This spiritual disconnection is called soul loss, and it’s a great epidemic in our current society.
Soul loss occurs when we have lost touch with that Divine essence within us. When life becomes all about the mundane and material, we can feel like something is missing. This sensation of something being fundamentally “off” hides the craving to unite with something deeper and more meaningful.
If you’re currently feeling alone and are going through an existential crisis (where you’re wondering what the point of life is), you might be experiencing something called the Dark Night of the Soul. When we become aware of our soul loss and become conscious of what we’re truly missing out on, it’s common to go through this gloomy and depressing period known as the Dark Night. If you need more guidance, I recommend that you check out our Dark Night of the Soul article.
As the monk and psychotherapist Thomas Moore put it:
When going through a dark night, at first, you may feel cut off and alone. Clients in therapy often say they feel isolated and have no one to talk to. They may come to therapy specifically to deal with their isolation. They may wish for deep human connection …
The Ego
Finally, feeling alone is also part and parcel of having an ego – or a clear sense of self, of “me.” By nature, when we are capable of differentiating ourselves from others, the possibility of feeling alone arises. Animals and very young children don’t often exhibit signs of loneliness for a similar reason: they don’t possess an ego. As such, they feel connected to everything. Life happens fully in the present moment and there is a sense of merging with life.
While not having an ego isn’t the solution here (as it’s impossible unless you become enlightened), becoming mindful of your ego and how it influences you is. We’ll explore how to become more self-aware of your thoughts below.
How to Deal With Loneliness
Feeling alone doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
Although you may feel hopeless, unmotivated, and as though you’ll never connect with anyone meaningfully, remember that this is the inner skeptic/judge talking.
No matter how bad the loneliness gets, remember that you have a primal spark of life inside of you (otherwise, you wouldn’t be living and breathing!). This primal source of energy can take many names and forms, but we choose to see it as the inner wolf.
Your inner wolf is your inner guardian, protector, warrior, and primal source of instinct, intuition, and insight. S/he is the fire within you that keeps going, no matter what, no matter how hard it feels.
Below, I’ll show you how to get in touch with your inner wolf. I’ll also offer other practices you can explore:
1. Creatively express your inner wolf
Your inner wolf will empower you to move through your loneliness without drowning in it. S/he will provide you with a sense of strength, helping you to get in touch with your warrior energy.
One of the best ways to reconnect with this primal force of nature inside of you is through art. You don’t need to be good at drawing to benefit from this practice (it’s irrelevant). Just do your best and draw what you feel.
Art activates the right side of the brain which is connected to creativity and the inner child. Art is also symbolic in nature, so it has a powerful impact on your unconscious mind. This, in turn, can help you quickly move from feelings of powerlessness and desolation, to empowerment and vitality.
For this activity, find a blank piece of paper and some pencils. If you only have a pen handy, that’s fine too. Set aside some time to draw your inner wolf. What does s/he look like? What is the name of your inner wolf? How old is s/he? Draw whatever feels right to you and most importantly, try not to think about it too much.
Once you’re finished, notice how you feel. It’s okay if you don’t feel much of a change – with time, you will. Keep your drawing somewhere important in your house that you’ll see every day. This will help to prime/condition your mind to remember your warrior spirit. You carry a force of nature inside of you and it will help you get through these tough times.
2. Visualize meeting your inner wolf
Another way to manage your loneliness and reconnect with a feeling of inner strength and connectedness is through visualization.
Visualizing can be as easy and simple as you like, or as complex as your heart desires. I recommend keeping your visualization short, sweet, and simple.
To begin your visualization, go into a dark room and put on some atmospheric music. You might like to put on some haunting wolf howls or music that reminds you of the inner warrior. (Search YouTube.)
Lie down and take a few deep breaths to ground yourself and relax. Once you’re ready, let your mind drift off with the music.
Imagine you’re walking down a staircase and at the bottom is the entrance of a forest. As you walk into the forest, you hear a howl in the distance. You keep walking, knowing you’re completely safe and watch as the trees sway and creak around you. Ahead you sense a presence behind a tree. A wolf suddenly emerges and looks at you straight in the eyes. You stop and look back. What does the wolf look like? Drink in the image. If you have any questions, you may like to ask the wolf. Spend some time acquainting yourself with him/her. When you’re finished, thank your inner wolf, say goodbye, and walk back up the staircase to normal waking reality.
You might like to spend some time journaling about your experience. How did you feel? What did your inner wolf tell you? Remember, one major reason why we feel lonely is that we’re disconnected from our inner selves and our source of power. Reconnecting with your inner wolf in this way will help to motivate you and show you that there is hope and you can connect with others like you. It will just take some time and effort.
General Advice:
Once you’ve reconnected with your inner source of power (the inner wolf), you’ll find it easier to put the following general pieces of advice in action.
These tips will help you move through your feelings of loneliness:
3. Take baby steps
If you’re alone and isolated, start small. Throwing yourself into the deep end with other people may be too overwhelming – which could lead to self-isolation. In order to take baby steps, carry out your daily tasks in places where there are people. If you need to walk your dog, for instance, go to the local dog park where other dog owners might be. If you need to do groceries, make small talk with the shop assistants. If you need to exercise more, consider signing up to the local gym. You get the picture.
4. Replace unkind thoughts and repeat gentle ones
When we feel alone, it’s easy to start berating and criticizing ourselves. We may think that we’re “losers,” “recluses,” “broken,” “stunted,” “will never have friends,” etc. If you start feeling horrible about yourself and slip into self-loathing, try to find the underlying thought. Then, replace it with something kinder like “I am a caring and interesting person, and I deserve friends” “I can do this,” “It’s okay to take socializing slowly,” or “I love myself no matter what.” At first, you may feel a bit ridiculous, but when you keep affirming the same gentle thought, you are slowly rewiring your brain.
One of the most powerful ways to use affirmations is through something called mirror work. To practice mirror work, find a mirror in your house, and ensure you have a bit of privacy. As you stand in front of the mirror, take a few conscious breaths and try to relax your body a bit. Gaze into your eyes gently and repeat your affirmation. You can say your affirmation out loud or in your mind, just do what feels comfortable.
It’s normal to experience strong emotions while doing mirror work. Please allow yourself to feel them in an open and non-judgmental way. You might even like to give yourself a hug as you stand in front of the mirror. After about five or ten minutes, finish your mirror work session. I encourage you to practice this ten minutes every day for two weeks and see how you feel!
5. Think about your deepest interests and values
One of the biggest reasons why we feel alone is because we struggle to find other like-minded people. The best way to remedy that is to develop a bit of self-understanding. What are you passionate about? What areas of life interest you? What are your dreams and values? When you answer these questions, you’ll be able to find little pockets of society that you can explore – and perhaps feel a sense of belonging in.
For instance, if you highly value animal rights and love being around dogs, why not volunteer at your local dog shelter? Or you might even like to go to a dog training course in your community. Another example is art and crafts. If you love making things, why not sign up to a local art class?
6. Volunteer your time
It feels good to help people. Helping those less fortunate than you can also help to put your life in perspective. To volunteer, grab your local newspaper or go to your neighborhood’s website. If you can’t find any volunteer listings, your local library and nursing home most likely accept volunteers. If there’s a homeless shelter nearby, you can also try volunteering your time there as well.
7. Get a pet (or cuddle one you have already)
Many people who experience loneliness benefit greatly from having something to nurture and take care of. If you don’t have a pet, why not check out your local animal shelter? It’s much kinder to give an animal a second chance than to purchase one from the pet store. Alternatively, find your cat, dog, rabbit, etc. and give them a big cuddle. Hugging releases happy hormones in the brain and helps you to feel calm and relaxed.
8. Learn a new skill or take a self-help course
One great and productive way to connect with others is through learning a new skill. For instance, if you’ve always been interested in counseling, why not take a counseling course? If you see an ad for a meditation or yoga class, why not go?
9. Go to a support group
If you struggle with a disability, illness or mental health issue, try to find out whether there are any support groups in your community. It feels so nice to be seen and heard. To have someone hold space for you can be wonderfully nourishing and healing. If you’re nervous about going, talk to the organizer beforehand. Ensure that the group is confidential and doesn’t demand a response from you unless you’re ready to talk.
10. Practice self-compassion and self-care
Feeling alone can be one of the hardest things you ever go through. Be caring toward yourself. Listen to your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs as much as possible. Practicing self-care could be as simple as making yourself a soothing cup of tea, going out in nature, or getting adequate sleep. Self-compassion is about treating yourself with love and understanding. If you need help, see our article on how to love yourself.
11. Create a spiritual practice
Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly.
Let it cut you more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few humans and even
divine ingredients can.
– Hafiz
Try to reconnect with the magic and beauty of life again. Although feeling alone can suck, it’s an experience that can actually be harnessed to further your spiritual growth. Some of the wisest and most illuminated souls in history were those who experienced extended periods of solitude. Furthermore, when you connect with your spirit guides, ancestors, and archetypal mentors, the feeling of loneliness can often significantly subside. You may also like to connect with your Soul on a daily basis through meditation, ritual, art, music, prayer, nature immersion, or other sacred practices that call to you.
12. Journal about how you feel
Writing down your thoughts and feelings is a wonderful way to create some inner clarity. When we feel alone, it’s common to have an excess of energy because we don’t have many people to talk to. Try to expel some of that energy through writing. You don’t need to be a talented writer or even good at spelling to journal. Simply express all that you feel in an unfiltered way. Journaling can be a great catharsis, particularly when you feel intense loneliness or despair.
13. Work with your inner child
If you experience chronic loneliness (that lasts for years), it’s likely you have undergone significant trauma as a child. You can read our article on inner child work to get started. But when it comes to trauma, it’s best to find a counselor or therapist to help work through your pain. Please consider this option seriously as it can have an extremely good and transformational impact on your life. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in trauma. One great approach is something called somatic experiencing. So if you need a place to start, look up some somatic experiencing practitioners in your area.
Shadow Work Journal:
Go on a journey through the deepest and darkest corners of your psyche. Embrace your inner demons, uncover your hidden gifts, and reach the next level of your spiritual growth. This is deep and powerful work!
***
Perhaps one of the simplest ways to help with your feelings of loneliness is to recognize the shared humanity of it. What you’re experiencing is part of the human condition. Millions of people around the world only have the cat or TV for company – or worse, nothing and no one at all.
You are not alone. You are not broken. And yes, there is hope.
In many cases, being alone can be a positive thing as it helps you to hear the voice of your soul better. But if it’s becoming too much for you, connect with your inner source of power (your inner wolf). Understand that you have a warrior within you, and you can make it through anything life throws at you.
I hope the above practices open new pathways for you.
Tell me, what’s your experience with feeling alone? Please share below in the comments. Let’s help each other to feel heard, seen, and understood!
This article and these comments ( some more than others) have resonated with me at a cellular level. I am an old soul and very much a lone wolf – it took me a long time to accept the latter. I have always felt very different from everyone around me and often felt like I was stumbling through someones elses life. Deep meaningful connections with others seem to still evade me however this no longer causes me distress. I have accepted that for many people “superficial” connections are easier than deep connections and to each his own.I no longer judge nor resent that. I have come to cherish this part of who I am and I no longer feel a deep sense of longing for those connections. I have accepted that my journey is for the most part a solitary one and while I do enjoy the company and companionship of those who do sometimes journey with me – I dont regret their absence when they are gone. I often feel the loneliness of others and I desperately want to tell them and even teach them how to revel in that precious gift ed opportunity however that to seems to not be my path.Yes there are days when I wish to really be seen and occasionally their will be someone who crosses my path and I hold out hope that perhaps this person will be the one who is able to see me – to date though their blindness prevails. I cherish my loneliness and guard it jealously for I would not trade it . I have abandoned the need to play a role in someone elses play.I have connected deeply with the earth and life around me and these connections remind of the beauty of this human experience. My inner wolf has reassured me that those who are destined to connect with me and I with them will do so when the time is right – and while for now we travel apart it will not always be so.
Thank you for sharing your strength Renate, it’s not easy embracing the lone wolf path. I often thought much the same about finding people that I could really be seen by in true presence, and thanks to this platform I’ve learned there’s many of you out there. I hope your path encounters another of these souls so you may both get to enjoy your solitude together :)
Loneliness, grief and soul loss have all become an ongoing part of my experience following the loss of my beloved. Yet at the same time I feel fulfilled rather than incomplete in an experience which includes the absence of the one soul in flesh we were when she was here. One day we were welded together by what is called the “thunderbolt.” I reached out to gently touch her hand during a full, quiet moment together, and without warning the lid of the universe exploded and an indescribable fullness beyond filling poured in and permeated us both simultaneously.
In that instant we became one whole and indivisible person, mysteriously bonded by the unknowable essence of wu wei; a natural, wholly harmonious and inexplicable union. It was a heaven of a thing. We went together on the karmic path, cosmic “wild wolves” mated forever, loping down from the high places into the town below.
I think it is important to remember that when the path you so ably guide others upon is realized, there is much more to come than can be known. I always like to remind others of this:
If you have a loved one near, go to them and tell them so now. Don’t do it from your head. Do it feeling the poignant sadness and fullness and joy of the real facts of life, the real truth of love that’s in your heart. Feel the perfect clarity of the wisdom in your heart; know how important and transient and beautiful love is. Go to them and tell them that.
You’re both here now. It won’t always be so.
Your article seems to address those that feel some semblance of distress at being alone. It does not seem to address those that have felt alone their entire lives, those who cherish it because, by not having that time, they feel as if they have to play some strange game with societal defined rules (that they are aware of) that they don’t want and refuse to play . I believe there are many out there that know their spiritual being can be enhanced through connection to others and as such enhance their connection to the world around them. They simply haven’t found the connections that would allow it to happen. I have a friend like that. That person is the person that those that meet them want to have around the most. However, they don’t want to be there. I personally wish that person was around all of the time.
Your article is helping me so much.
I can relate, and it gives me a sense of connection that I have lost for so long.
I’d like to thank you ❤
I appreciate your thoughtful comment Sarah :)
I am disabled and I often feel lonely all the time. I am diagnosed with schizoaffective and depression. I go to a support group. I often feel lonely cause I feel like I can’t connect with others around me. I struggle with finding the right words to say when starting up a conversation and it being continuous. Normally I keep to myself because of it. So I often find myself being lonely in a room full of people. I have animals at home and they keep me company but I still feel that sense of loneliness and craving to be around other people.
I’m sorry to hear that Megan, human connection is undoubtedly one of our basic necessities. I’d suggest trying some of the other tips in the article, what I’ve found is that while support groups are essential, sometimes if we use them as a means to meet others they can just turn into a negative feedback loop of depression breeding more depression. They serve the purpose of exploring our illness and making us feel understood, but ‘connecting’ might actually require a different type of person that’s more in our ‘wavelength’.
Luna and Sol,
My therapist, who is a reiki master and an empath etc as well as I, did reiki on me and sensed that my third eye has opened; that it is no longer blocked. I was surprised by this because absolutely nothing has changed besides occasional sensations in the third eye area. I have not had any experiences such as via psychic abilities or anything. I don’t have any of the third eye opening symptoms except the one. I’m confused and disappointed because of my expectations! I’m struggling to believe it’s open at all, and I’m having doubts. Is it really open? And if so, how do I have the mystical experiences with intuition and more? How do I use my third eye?
In the spiritual marketplace, you’ll find all kinds of healers with all kinds of claims. No matter what the title, no matter who it is, only believe that which is your own experience and take everything else as helpful guidance but not as absolute truth. This is the essence of Spiritual Discernment.
Thank you very much.
I had experienced a sense of loneliness since my teenage and have had many heart wrenching times in my love life. But i thank the divine for bringing me closer to myself ever than before by throwing in all the pain i ever needed to become stronger than i ever was.
I WOULD EMPHASIZE on the importance of being alone. Being connected to one’s self is more important to survive than being floored and taken away by artificial joy which is not everlasting.
“Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually”–
“the Road less travelled , by M.Scott Peck”
Loved this article and thanks for sharing..!!!
I really agree with this. It’s so easy to get absorbed into the artificial ‘power’ we feel when accepted or encouraged by others. There’s nothing wrong with this as long as we’ve had enough time to dig our roots of individuals deep into the soil of the soul. Otherwise, we’re like a rootless tree carried away by the winds of validation and admiration until we realize that if we only have that, we have castles in the sky.
Thank you……feelings of despair, worthlessness, loneliness…they are all what I’m experiencing now. I know I have to pull myself out but that well seems so deep. I wonder why no one sees this….that happy go lucky girl with a smile on her face no matter what. But when it isn’t there, no one asks why.
You’ll find most people are uncomfortable when it comes to exploring unpleasant feelings like loneliness and depression, it’s almost a taboo topic in many modern and supposedly ‘civilized’ cultures.
I needed help soo very bad these last 5 days due to loved one being stubborn and downright combative when I have tried to help with a DR causing them emotional trauma. They had a test result for 5 mths and both tech and PA said cleared for surgery. All of a sudden this DR claims she can not take responsibility to clear my friend and really louses up all the surgery dates and rehab time and so on.
When my friend goes from pt a to b they are ok and can function. BUT when they go to pt c they shut down become hateful threatening to the pt of wanting me dead and saying so.
All I predicted for them to make their situation easier has come to pass as I said but the true HELL this friend put me through and the DR and PA I was ready to die myself.
I could not talk to anyone about it have no one. This Friend just went ballistic on me laughed in my face and challenged me to hit them!!!!
I hurt. I had to be silent(hard to do) had to leave them to hating me and wanting to kill me. I did not want to go on.
I made a list of predictions of what would transpire for them. Proof that I was not trying to prevent them from having surgery or tests or anything to hurt them. I did not give the predictions to them I kept them in my files. BUT when the one DR told them no surgery for another 3 mths and then after a different procedure no surgery for 6mths I could not resist a squeak of “I told you so!”
I blasted music in my ears non stop, journaled till I could re read what I wrote. I walked for miles and miles. I could retreat into sleep. I slept 2hrs and my mind was talking like a freight train and the visions like a video prgrm.
I am exhausted. So alone but not lonely. I did the sigli twice more times things began to open up.
Then my relief came in spurts but my friend got dumped on really good by social security and now they are in their own self made hell !
AND YET I STLL LOVE AND CARE AND by this world’s standards I ought to move the hell out and leave them to suffer all alone as they have made me for over 20yrs plus.
I opened to something deeper inside myself and I “see” whats coming and I gladly accept it.
I can not go any further I can not allow my self to be abused any deeper…
I just do not know what to do with all the anger upset wanting to not feel, etc.
And seeing that nothing has changed I am still a lone wolf no matter how I reach out.
BUT something did occur that made me feel less hurt. On my walks people I used to know came up to me shared hugs with me gave me feelings of their own and comforted me just by simple “I missed you where have you been??”
I understand my PTSD was hit by the friends traumatic treatment of me. What a whopper.It does not go away. The triggers are always there ready to jump and start a mess even though somewhere inside I feel a glowing strenghth like a lotus flower.
I hung on and this time instead of months in hell its been 5 days.
Learning I am.
Thank YOU for your patience and sharing of your self.
Today the 6th day I am hopeful all is as it should be. I am a lone wolf and can not hide not turn tail and run. I will come out the leader of my self even better than before.
I am taking a chance on writing this. I try to not go on.But this was VERY impt.
This is more than a comment I am sorry. I needed so bad please forgive me?
Karen.
I do so KNOW exactly how you feel. I would like to try to be a cushion for the intensity of your feelings. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I may go away for awhile but I feel you and others and be compassionate with your despair worthlessness alonement..
Put out your “feelers” and pull in comfort and grab for the little crumbs of feelings that do come from others in the form of crumbs.. But all those crumbs can help you feel comforted. You have to step back from the misery pray meditate journal and slowly sparks of change will emerge BUT you must be open to them and not wall up in the “sorrow room” OPEN THE DOOR!
Thanks mateo it feels good just to know i’m not the only one feeling this way. But What if i suffer from co-existing mental disorders? Especially ‘social anxiety ‘and other phobic disorders. Is there any way i can deal with it or get rid of it if possible?
You’re welcome Tinsae. In this article, I talk about a particular kind of loneliness and that is the existential kind. Social anxiety and other forms of phobia should be worked on independently of this loneliness as how can you really distinguish whether it’s of the existential kind or simply of craving human connection?
Social anxiety has many different ways to explore it, I’ve seen great things from using CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). But ultimately it’s what you’re comfortable with.
When I was born I was in the waters of some traumatic experience.
My mother had a pregnancy psychosis and I was seperated from her before I was able to finish my instinct handmotion reaching for her breast.
This caused an immense sensation of restlessness and discontent and for than anything, lonliness.
It was impossible for me to know this growing up, nevertheless as I grew the deep deep suffering and isolation plagueing my whole family became apparent and I too suffered from feeling deeply alone in living.
Depression, self-harm, destructive self-sacrifice, low self-esteem all blossomed in beautiful colors. Showing me how deep humanities shared suffering is and from this place Empathy in me have been nurtured to unbeliavble levels, yes often in Pain have I learnt.
In these experiences one of the strongest patterns/archethypes assisting me is The Orphan. As such I always wanted to belong, have the family I saw others have, have the normal life others have so I chased it, still am, one of my deepest desire is creating a loving family.
But I had to work alot with myself. It was in a tantra course and with the support of Gaia Ma discovered my childhood wound and got spaece to heal it. Then I started looking at other areas of myself, the anxiety I feel towards others and slowly pushed my limits.
Through it all, the feeling of lonliness has followed. But it is also thanks to it that I take courage in what I have done, how I have survived.
Borrowig money, hanging on to relationships, living in uncertainty, crying in despair. Giving in to misery and failure.
I am still living.
So as I still feel lonliness, it is much much eaiser now. I have connected with my spirit guides ans my guardian angel and when things get rough I call for them and talk with them. Always they want to love me, and see me succeed. They support me in ways my parents coudlnt and they believe in me so much. Often they say when I am surprised by their belief “if you could see what we see you would not be so surprised!”
And deep in my heart I know what they mean, what thry see in me and so I find heart in seeing myself this way too. Taking more steps towards a brighter future.
Thank you Joakim for sharing such a sincere struggle with this loneliness, I’m inspired by the strength you show in describing it all.
This was a really good article, empowering, iam responsible for my own life, and a lot of the time I choose to be on my own, I don’t know why because sometimes I moan about feeling lonely, but then I don’t do anything much about it. I isolate myself, but I’m not very confident. I need a balance, but when I’m offered the chance to socialise I turn it down, I don’t have friends and have always felt weird.
It’s a tricky struggle isn’t it? We crave company but often can find rationalizations and justifications for why we don’t want to go out and socialize. This is where it’s important to be aware of how our ego’s defenses work, how social environments can challenge our feelings of safety in being rejected or judged when it’s all so easy to binge watch netflix instead. That’s the only way we can trick our minds into doing what will be good for us.
If you’re really an Old Soul, it’s perfectly normal to feel “weird.” After all, there are fewer of us on the planet at this time than there are younger souls, and we’re not easily understood by the “young-uns.” I suggest that you read the article on this site about being a “Loner Wolf;” really excellent and inspiring!
Also, if you want to have friends, first you have to be a friend to yourself. One way to start is by making a list of all of your wonderful attributes and what you have to contribute to the lives of those whom you meet (for instance, sensitivity, humor, intelligence, a sense of adventure, creativity, etc.). At the same time, cast away all of the negatives that hold you back: overthinking, self-consciousness (a really nasty mind-trick that convinces you that everyone is watching and judging you; the only person doing that to you is yourself!), worrying about what other people think (hey, none of us wears a halo, right?), and perhaps worst of all, the fear that others will hurt you if you allow them to get close to you. The truth is that no one else can hurt you unless you give them permission to do so.
Reclaim your power. Love yourself, and let others reflect that love back to you. I assure you that you have the capacity to heal yourself with the awesome light of Love, and when you do that, your life will change in ways you currently might think impossible.
Is it normal to not only feel this severe disconnection from everyone but especially your twin flame?…
it’s painful because it goes against all that i want. All of this happened when I started spiritually awakening.. including seeing numbers, feeling horrendous disconnection, getting an illness, losing my hair and more.. its been over 2 years now
Our Twin Flame’s serve as spiritual vehicles of our own growth, they don’t complete us but help us grow through the intensity of the connection. It’s important to be aware of this distinction as if we enter a relationship as a means to an end (as a way to escape our feelings of loneliness), we can start treating the relationship as the opposite of what is meant to be a vessel of spiritual evolution.
This was a great article – yet again :) I appreciate that there are many causes for loneliness so this is just my own experience. Generally, I’m happy being alone in my own company. But when I often feel the most lonely is in crowds of other people – work conferences or social engagements are the worst. The atmosphere is busy and noisy and I fear not being able to deeply connect in such an environment. It seems so superficial and I feel so out of place. So, one of my coping strategies is to find a good vantage point and, funnily enough, I channel my inner wolf (ditto!). I scan the crowd curiously, cautiously observing, but without fear or judgement. Rather than seeking out interaction in the middle of an uncomfortable environment, I find a quiet place, to the side of the room perhaps, and create a psychological oasis of calm around me, where like-minded people can find me. And they do. Surprisingly. Or maybe not so unusual if we all have the same strategy :)
Wonderful advice Justine, thank you for sharing. I’d definitely be one of the one’s seeking the ‘out of the way’ spot in the room to serve as a vantage point. The feeling of ‘participation’ without getting dragged down the current that those situations can become.
I started feeling alone about a month after my dog crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I finished the grieving process about a week ago; since then my feelings of being alone has dissipated.
Now that I have reached closure with my dog’s death, I now enjoy being outside (spring helps) and spend a lot more time reading and walking. I live in a semi-rural area (most of the land within city limits are zoned rural) so finding green is not a problem. I enjoy it much more and although my dog’s spirit periodically checks in, I can enjoy the areas where both she and I walked.
I’m sad to hear the passing of you’re dog, they really are great companions. It’s great knowing you’ve managed to process the grievance in a balanced way :), thank you for sharing Eileen.
I believe that I got to meet my inner wolf in a dream three nights ago before I read “Feeling Alone”. Actually, my wolf was part of a pack. He was larger than me but I had no fear whatsoever and I got to touch him, and he responded to me in manner that brought me intense joy.
What surprised me most after reading this “Visualize Your Inner Wolf” was that my dream began in a diner working with my mother, and it led me down a long series of stairs where I found coins on the way. I continued through doors right into a forest with a guide who I assumed was the manager of the diner. She told me to have no fear as it was still light but that could be dangerous after dark. Then I heard the unmistakable sounds of wolf pack and saw at least three wolves approaching. A mostly white wolf came right up to me as if we already knew each other. We stared into each other eyes before I reached out to touch him.
This was one of the most intense dreams I have ever experienced and I woke up physically tired but otherwise energized. Thank-you for your writings. It came at the right time for me and it affirmed my belief that I am on the right path. I may be alone but I do not feel lonely.
So there’s one metaphysical question I’ve really been struggling with. Traditions, from ancient Hinduism to New Age spirituality, refer to the One. Oneness. Brahma. It exists in mystical traditions of Judaism (Kabbalah), Christianity (Gnosticism), and every other religion. At a deeper level, they all agree on this. The Source that we all return to. And oftentimes, this is meant literally, at least from what I can see. It no longer strikes me as a type of “heaven” or community of souls that love each other, but rather one Soul with one purpose and one consciousness. At the end of our time on Earth or somewhere else, we return to it, as in our individuality diminishes into this One. Everything that made me “me” will be gone. And yes, this stems from an attachment to my ego. But even if I found a middle road as you suggest, it doesn’t seem that the ultimate destination of non-existence is avoidable. And that’s lonely. If we are all eminations of one, then what’s the point? Every selfless deed is therefore selfish because it’s done for myself, not another. Please correct me if I’m wrong. I’ve struggled with this question for a long time. Even when I find teachings that indicate a “heaven” or community as I described, it doesn’t satisfy me because for some reason, the Oneness makes logical sense. But it depresses me.
Hey , I have been having a hard time with that as well recently. Just today I read something, it’s not about finding the meaning of life, it’s about the opportunity to create a meaning, your very own meaning, and maybe “me” stops existing, (well only body and ego, your soul continues on) but by creating your own meaning, by giving this life all that you’ve got, you leave your own legacy on earth, and every moment, every generation after will be just that much better because of you creating the best life you possibly could.
And I’ve been thinking, just because “me” stops existing, doesn’t mean every good act is forgotten, that good act creates a domino effect of good energy, you shifted that other souls human life, and that then affects them to shift another’s, those things are ingrained in your soul and the memory of the universe. It’s hard to truly understand because the way we remember things is humanly right now… the only thing that stops existing is your ego, your mind, your body. Those are not who you are, only a vessel your higher self created, to experience this human life.
This can be hard to remember and have faith when going through the loneliness. The emptiness, the dark night, the awakening. Like they said, if you can find that inner wolf, and have faith… reach out to others, there are groups ive come across for this topic…it’s going to get better, nothing happens, nor is creating for no reason. Sometimes it’s just a reason much bigger than we can comprehend at this moment ❤️
Thanks Bobbi for the thoughtful question.
It has many layers to it, but the main ones I see are this. What you describe as the ‘me’ I divide into the “ego” (our sense of self worth/self/identity) and the “essence” (the unique quality that is our embodied consciousness/soul). When you watch a tree that grows and eventually fruits, through these fruits it’ll live on even if the mother tree dies. You could say the essence never really dies, it is eternal.
The perception of lonely can only exist from the ego aspect of our personality, not from the essence. The essence understands that ‘oneness’ is not something it experiences, it’s something it becomes. So it’s impossible to feel lonely, it’s like a drop of water falling back into the ocean and longing for it’s ‘individuality’ as a drop that it has lost, and thinking it’ll be lonely in the vast ocean of existence.