You’re surrounded by people. They’re laughing, smiling, and talking. Everyone seems to be having a great time – they all seem to feel so connected with each other. But no matter how much you want that feeling, you can’t help but feel completely alone.
A sense of heaviness and hollowness may fill your chest as you watch them all:
I am alone, completely and utterly alone. Nobody can truly see me. No one truly understands me. No one even cares. I’m of no importance to them. I’m not like them at all.
Your thoughts may spiral as the emptiness you feel becomes more and more suffocating.
Can you relate to these feelings?
Can you relate to being in a room full of people but feeling totally alone and isolated inside?
If so, I want to assure you that you’re not alone.
So many people (myself included) have grappled with extreme loneliness during life. But although this experience can be so hard to cope with, there is help and there are solutions.
By the end of this article, you should have a good understanding of why you feel lonely and what you can do about it.
I also want to help you reframe your loneliness and see it as potentially part of a bigger purpose and process of inward evolution (or involution).
Table of contents
Aloneness Can Actually Be Empowering
Let’s start with a rather outlandish, but honest truth: being alone isn’t always a horribly negative thing.
I know this may sound crazy. But hear me out.
Being alone isn’t always a bad thing because aloneness (or solitude) can help us figure out who we are, do some vital soul searching, and take a break from the insanity of the world.
Yes! Aloneness can actually be something refreshing, rejuvenating, and can open a door into deep inner insight.
Not only can being alone help us figure out who we are at a core level, but it can actually empower us to walk the path less traveled, inwardly evolve (known as involution), and find our true meaning of life.
Why Aloneness Becomes Loneliness …
Being alone becomes feeling lonely when we can’t find the bridge of connectedness back to humanity.
Aloneness becomes loneliness when we undergo a bout of mental illness, existential crisis, or spiritual awakening that hits us so intensely that we feel like aliens on this planet.
When you are going through a life crisis or the process of spiritual awakening, you’ll naturally feel displaced in this world. You’ll come to see through the lies and illusions of society. You’ll see through the “normalized insanity” of other people and will find no interest in what they value. You’ll feel displaced, stripped bare, and deeply isolated from those around you.
You’re Not Going Crazy
You may wonder whether you’re the only one on the planet who feels this way, who feels so isolated and lonely. Perhaps, even a small part of you may wonder if you’re going crazy or if there’s something deeply broken or wrong about you.
There isn’t.
What you are going through is perfectly normal in the context of what you’re experiencing. And no, you’re not alone in feeling alone. I have felt the horrible vacuum of existential loneliness, and I have spoken with and witnessed many others who feel the same way too.
There Are Others Like You + You Can Use These Feelings to Your Advantage …
There is a group of people out there like you.
They too feel lonely. They too have lost touch with all their friends and possibly even family. They too feel disconnected from the world.
If you don’t believe me, just read the comments under this article.
Although you may feel incapacitated with despair or the gnawing feeling of desolation, please know that you can use these feelings to your advantage.
You can use your loneliness to become stronger, braver, and wiser.
You can tap into your inner wolf who is the primal force within you that knows how to survive on scarce human contact and thrive when life becomes dark and barren.
We’ll explore how to get in touch with that inner wolf soon. But first, let’s demystify and de-pathologize loneliness and reveal just how normal it is.
Is Feeling Alone Normal?
It might feel like you’re the only one experiencing loneliness. But you’re not. YES, it is normal to feel alone – and many people struggle with it.
Here are some stats:
- According to a recent study, nearly half of all Americans feel lonely. And in the same study, loneliness was found to affect younger people more than older people.
- In Australia, a study conducted found that 1 in 4 Australians feel lonely at least one day a week. Again, the stereotype that elderly people are those who feel the loneliest is false. In reality, international research has found that loneliness tends to be the most common among those between the ages of 16 and 25.
- In the UK, 9 million people (nearly one-fifth of the population) report that they are always or often lonely, with almost two-thirds disclosing that they feel uncomfortable admitting it.
Isn’t that amazing? And also a little alarming?
While these statistics aren’t meant to improve your situation, I hope they help to normalize it. Feeling alone is an experience shared by millions of people worldwide from all backgrounds, ages, and cultures. It’s actually more common than we think it is.
7 Signs You’re Feeling Alone
That’s where loneliness comes from, it isn’t the lack of company that makes us feel lonely, it’s this feeling of emptiness, of having nothing, of extraordinary uncertainty, frustration and a deep inner void…all that is felt when personal meaning is lacking, so we try to distract it, with books, movies, games, socializing, careers, anything to escape facing that void, from focusing our attention within and what is causing our inner black hole. We need distractions from the void, books, movies, socializing, careers, to escape that emptiness we feel within.
– Krishnamurti
True loneliness is different from being lonesome – which is what most people experience at some point. Lonesomeness is the feeling of mild discomfort a person has when they spend their Saturday night watching a movie alone when they wish someone was there to share the experience with them.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is chronic. It’s not a temporary feeling that comes and goes: it’s there all the time like a shadow following you around.
So are you feeling alone? Pay attention to these signs:
- You feel lonely in a crowd of people
- You crave quality human interaction
- You feel disappointed with your relationships – you don’t feel a deep sense of connection with others that you crave for
- You tend to shop a lot or binge (to avoid the loneliness you carry inside)
- You struggle to relate to others and feel very different from your peers
- You often feel sad or depressed
- Physically, you may carry a feeling of that there’s an empty hole or void inside of you
How many signs can you relate to? Obviously, the more signs you resonate with, the more lonely you probably feel. Also, it’s okay if you’re experiencing something that isn’t included on this list (it’s just as important and valid).
Why Do I Feel So Alone?
There are many reasons why you may feel alone and disconnected from other people. You might have experienced:
- The death of a loved one
- Changing environments, countries, workplaces, etc.
- Not fitting in with those around you
- Being a primary carer of someone with a disability
- Divorce
- Mental illness (anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, etc.)
- Physical disability (loss of hearing, sight, movement, etc.)
- Racism or LGBT discrimination
If you feel severely lonely – and have for most of your life – this might be due to:
- Early life abuse (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically)
- An interruption in your childhood developmental stages
- Hostile/intrusive or withdrawn/misattuned parents
- Learned helplessness
If you feel severely lonely, I strongly encourage you to seek out a therapist (I recommend searching for those who are trauma-informed). While this article can help to give you a place to start, working through trauma-related issues is beyond the scope of what I present here. Trauma-trained spiritual counselors and therapists will help provide space, compassion, and tools for you to heal.
Also, keep in mind that it’s perfectly normal to feel lonely without any clear reason. Even if everything feels fine in your life, suddenly feeling alone out of the blue is not unheard of. Often, the feeling will pass quickly. But if it becomes persistent, it’s time to do some soul searching.
The Spiritual Cause of Feeling Alone
If you were to ask for an antidote to the anguish of human loneliness, I would suggest that you reencounter and reexamine the connection that unites us with the earth, our lost ‘umbilical cord’. I would invite you to recognize the presence of an inexhaustible love that remains unaffected by human affairs. It is not so difficult. Look around, remember the being that sustains us, and realize you are at home, always at home.
– The Teachings of Don Carlos
As spiritual beings having a human experience, our connection to the Divine is just as important as our connection to everyday tasks. We’re not just meat suits walking around getting shit done: there is a deeper essence, a mysterious spark within all of us. That deeper essence is the Soul, which is part of the Great Spirit (or Life Force) that runs through all things.
Likely, the reality is that you already know on some level that you’re a spiritual being, not just a sack of meat with a disembodied brain. Loneliness is a sign that you’re undergoing a spiritual awakening process – and this journey always tends to start with the painful discovery of how alienated one is from their inner Center (Soul).
Soul Loss and The Dark Night of the Soul
The spiritual awakening journey, soul loss, and the Dark Night of the Soul are all connected. Let me explore the latter terms below:
When we are disconnected from our Souls, we feel alone. This spiritual disconnection is called soul loss, and it’s a great epidemic in our current society.
Soul loss occurs when we have lost touch with that Divine essence within us. When life becomes all about the mundane and material, we can feel like something is missing. This sensation of something being fundamentally “off” hides the craving to unite with something deeper and more meaningful.
Next, comes something known as the Dark Night of the Soul. When we become aware of our soul loss and become conscious of what we’re truly missing out on, it’s common to go through a gloomy and depressing period of life known as the Dark Night. During the Dark Night, we become acutely aware of our disconnection from the Divine. If you need more guidance, I recommend that you check out our Dark Night of the Soul and Spiritual Emergency articles.
As the monk and psychotherapist Thomas Moore put it:
When going through a dark night, at first, you may feel cut off and alone. Clients in therapy often say they feel isolated and have no one to talk to. They may come to therapy specifically to deal with their isolation. They may wish for deep human connection …
How to Deal With Loneliness
Feeling alone doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
Although you may feel hopeless, unmotivated, and as though you’ll never connect with anyone meaningfully, remember that this is the inner skeptic/judge talking.
No matter how bad the loneliness gets, know that you have a primal spark of life inside of you (otherwise, you wouldn’t be living and breathing!). This primal source of energy can take many names and forms (Prana, Heart, Kundalini), but we choose to see it as the inner wolf.
Your inner wolf is your inner guardian, protector, warrior, and primal source of instinct, intuition, and insight. S/he is the fire within you that keeps going, no matter what, no matter how hard it feels.
Below, I’ll show you how to get in touch with your inner wolf. I’ll also offer other practices you can explore:
1. Creatively express your inner wolf
Your inner wolf will empower you to move through your loneliness without drowning in it. S/he will provide you with a sense of strength, helping you to get in touch with your warrior energy.
One of the best ways to reconnect with this primal force of nature inside of you is through art. You don’t need to be good at drawing to benefit from this practice (it’s irrelevant). Just do your best and draw what you feel.
Art activates the right side of the brain which is connected to creativity and the inner child. Art is also symbolic in nature, so it has a powerful impact on your unconscious mind. This, in turn, can help you to quickly move from feelings of powerlessness and desolation to empowerment and vitality.
For this activity, find a blank piece of paper and some pencils. If you only have a pen handy, that’s fine too. Set aside some time to draw your inner wolf. What does s/he look like? What is the name of your inner wolf? How old is s/he? Draw whatever feels right to you and most importantly, try not to think about it too much.
Once you’re finished, notice how you feel. It’s okay if you don’t feel much of a change – with time, you will. Keep your drawing somewhere important in your house that you’ll see every day. This will help to prime/condition your mind to remember your warrior spirit. You carry a force of nature inside of you and it will help you to get through these tough times.
Read: How to Embrace Being a Lone Wolf and Walk Your OWN Path »
2. Visualize meeting your inner wolf
Another way to manage your loneliness and reconnect with a feeling of inner strength and connectedness is through visualization.
Visualizing can be as easy and simple as you like, or as complex as your heart desires. I recommend keeping your visualization short, sweet, and simple.
To begin your visualization, go into a dark room and put on some atmospheric music. You might like to put on some haunting wolf howls or music that reminds you of the inner warrior. (Search YouTube.)
Lie down and take a few deep breaths to ground yourself and relax. Once you’re ready, let your mind drift off with the music.
Imagine you’re walking down a staircase and at the bottom is the entrance of a forest. As you walk into the forest, you hear a howl in the distance. You keep walking, knowing you’re completely safe and watch as the trees sway and creak around you. Ahead you sense a presence behind a tree. A wolf suddenly emerges and looks at you straight in the eyes. You stop and look back. What does the wolf look like? Drink in the image. If you have any questions, you may like to ask the wolf. Spend some time acquainting yourself with him/her. When you’re finished, thank your inner wolf, say goodbye, and walk back up the staircase to normal waking reality.
You might like to spend some time journaling about your experience. How did you feel? What did your inner wolf tell you? Remember, one major reason why we feel lonely is that we’re disconnected from our inner selves and our source of power. Reconnecting with your inner wolf in this way will help to motivate you and show you that there is hope and you can connect with others like you. It will just take some time and effort.
General Advice:
Once you’ve reconnected with your inner source of power (the inner wolf), you’ll find it easier to put the following general pieces of advice in action.
These tips will help you move through your feelings of loneliness:
3. Take baby steps
If you’re alone and isolated, start small. Throwing yourself into the deep end with other people may be too overwhelming – which could lead to self-isolation. In order to take baby steps, carry out your daily tasks in places where there are people. If you need to walk your dog, for instance, go to the local dog park where other dog owners might be. If you need to do groceries, make small talk with the shop assistants. If you need to exercise more, consider signing up to the local gym. You get the picture.
4. Replace unkind thoughts and repeat gentle ones
When we feel alone, it’s easy to start berating and criticizing ourselves. We may think that we’re “losers,” “recluses,” “broken,” “stunted,” “will never have friends,” etc. If you start feeling horrible about yourself and slip into self-loathing, try to find the underlying thought. Then, replace it with something kinder like “I am a caring and interesting person, and I deserve friends,” “I can do this,” “It’s okay to take socializing slowly,” or “I love myself no matter what.” At first, you may feel a bit ridiculous, but when you keep affirming the same gentle thought, you are slowly rewiring your brain. This is a practice in self-love.
One of the most powerful ways to use affirmations is through something called mirror work. To practice mirror work, find a mirror in your house, and ensure you have a bit of privacy. As you stand in front of the mirror, take a few conscious breaths and try to relax your body a bit. Gaze into your eyes gently and repeat your affirmation. You can say your affirmation out loud or in your mind, just do what feels comfortable.
It’s normal to experience strong emotions while doing mirror work. Please allow yourself to feel them in an open and non-judgmental way. You might even like to give yourself a hug as you stand in front of the mirror. After about five or ten minutes, finish your mirror work session. I encourage you to practice this ten minutes every day for two weeks and see how you feel!
5. Think about your deepest interests and values
One of the biggest reasons why we feel alone is because we struggle to find other like-minded people. The best way to remedy that is to develop a bit of self-understanding. What are you passionate about? What areas of life interest you? What are your dreams and values? When you answer these questions, you’ll be able to find little pockets of society that you can explore – and perhaps feel a sense of belonging in.
For instance, if you highly value animal rights and love being around dogs, why not volunteer at your local dog shelter? Or you might even like to go to a dog training course in your community. Another example is art and crafts. If you love making things, why not sign up to a local art class?
Read: How to Find Yourself When You’re Lost in Life (9 Steps) »
6. Volunteer your time
It feels good to help people. Helping those less fortunate than you can also help to put your life in perspective. To volunteer, grab your local newspaper or go to your neighborhood’s website. If you can’t find any volunteer listings, your local library and nursing home most likely accept volunteers. If there’s a homeless shelter nearby, you can also try volunteering your time there as well.
7. Get a pet (or cuddle one you have already)
Many people who experience loneliness benefit greatly from having something to nurture and take care of. If you don’t have a pet, why not check out your local animal shelter? It’s much kinder to give an animal a second chance than to purchase one from the pet store. Alternatively, find your cat, dog, rabbit, etc. and give them a big cuddle. Hugging releases happy hormones in the brain and helps you to feel calm and relaxed. Animals are also powerful teachers in their own unique ways.
See: Spirit Animal Quiz: What’s Your Animal Ally? »
8. Learn a new skill or take a self-help course
One great and productive way to connect with others is through learning a new skill. For instance, if you’ve always been interested in counseling, why not take a counseling course? If you see an ad for a meditation or yoga class, why not go?
9. Go to a support group
If you struggle with a disability, illness or mental health issue, try to find out whether there are any support groups in your community. It feels so nice to be seen and heard. To have someone hold space for you can be wonderfully nourishing and healing. If you’re nervous about going, talk to the organizer beforehand. Ensure that the group is confidential and doesn’t demand a response from you unless you’re ready to talk.
10. Practice self-compassion and self-care
Feeling alone can be one of the hardest things you ever go through. Be caring toward yourself. Listen to your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs as much as possible. Practicing self-care could be as simple as making yourself a soothing cup of tea, going out in nature, or getting adequate sleep. Self-compassion is about treating yourself with love and understanding. If you need help, see our article on how to love yourself.
11. Create a spiritual practice
Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly.
Let it cut you more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few humans and even
divine ingredients can.
– Hafiz
Try to reconnect with the magic and beauty of life again. Although feeling alone can suck, it’s an experience that can actually be harnessed to further your spiritual growth. Some of the wisest and most illuminated souls in history were those who experienced extended periods of solitude. Furthermore, when you connect with your spirit guides, ancestors, and archetypal mentors, the feeling of loneliness can often significantly subside. You may also like to connect with your Soul on a daily basis through meditation, ritual, art, music, prayer, nature immersion, or other sacred practices that call to you.
See: Starting the Spiritual Journey »
12. Journal about how you feel
Writing down your thoughts and feelings is a wonderful way to create some inner clarity. When we feel alone, it’s common to have an excess of energy because we don’t have many people to talk to. Try to expel some of that energy through writing. You don’t need to be a talented writer or even good at spelling to journal. Simply express all that you feel in an unfiltered way. Journaling can be a great catharsis, particularly when you feel intense loneliness or despair.
Learn more about how to journal.
13. Work with your inner child
If you experience chronic loneliness (that lasts for years), it’s likely you have undergone significant trauma as a child. You can read our article on inner child work to get started. But when it comes to trauma, it’s best to find a counselor or therapist to help work through your pain. Please consider this option seriously as it can have an extremely good and transformational impact on your life. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in trauma. One great approach is something called somatic experiencing. So if you need a place to start, look up some somatic experiencing practitioners in your area.
***
Perhaps one of the simplest ways to help with your feelings of loneliness is to recognize the shared humanity of it. What you’re experiencing is part of the human condition. Millions of people around the world only have the cat or TV for company – or worse, nothing and no one at all.
You are not alone. You are not broken. And yes, there is hope.
In many cases, being alone can be a positive thing as it helps you to hear the voice of your soul better. But if it’s becoming too much for you, connect with your inner source of power (your inner wolf). You can also read the two wolves story for more inspiration. Understand that you have a warrior within you, and you can make it through anything life throws at you.
I hope the above practices open new pathways for you.
Tell me, what’s your experience with feeling alone? Please share below in the comments. Let’s help each other to feel heard, seen, and understood!
I feel the sting of loneliness less and less as I discover more of myself. It’s still very challenging at times when I’m looking out at the world and feeling like I don’t see myself anywhere. It’s a wonderful reminder that so many of us ARE experiencing the same things. And if I don’t see that well.. I don’t exactly share these thoughts often with others. On the surface others probably see me the same way too.
And sometimes we are all so different and that’s okay. We each have our unique experiences and bring something new to this world.
Thank you for all the effort you put into this site. I enjoyed doing the inner wolf exercises and this is a good reminder to get back into mirror work. Thank you <3
This might be long. I am a 19 year old female, I started my spiritual awakening journey early-, as a people pleasing, anxious, thirteen year old with ocd. when I started manifesting precognition. I was in a deep depression, I went to school everyday, and I was fat shamed by my own friends. I exercised twice a day for an hour each time. No one wanted to listen to me, my parents worked all day. I felt as if I could disappear and no one would notice. I was extremely anxious and struggled I hold onto any relationships and later diagnosed with bpd. I asked myself one question daily as I went to school. What is the point ? I slowly found solace in meditation. I felt so broken and shattered. It was up from that point. I found some friends but nothing felt genuine. I still craved something more. Then I volunteered abroad one summer. And I met this girl. Instantly we clicked, I barely knew her. We were complete opposites, I’m shy introverted, and she was loud and extroverted yet I could tell her anything. She just got me. Instantly best friends, we got along so well, and did everything together. I was abroad for only a summer and when I got home everything felt even more empty. I tried to text and call her but she never wanted to respond. I haven’t talked to her in years. I even texted her every week for several years with only the ocassional I’m good you? Response. I now am taking my degree in university online, i don’t see anyone, i have no friends i don’t have anyone to talk to, but I am so blessed to have a horse and four ducks, they have taught me endless lessons and have been the only constant friend. I struggle with loneliness still. Not as much as I did when I was in school which is ironic, but I’ve found it comes in waves sometimes loneliness hits me like a boulder. I am still growing I am still on this journey, I’m so grateful for my aloneness, Because I’m offered so much clarity, and I’ve grown so much since that 13 year old girl.
And I just wanted to say, This website and your blog has offered me much through my spiritual awakening. Thank you.
Life without a love one makes it much worse altogether. And meeting a good woman today is very difficult for many of us single men as well, since the women today have really changed from the old days.
Hi, I am a reader from China. After experiencing a deep shadow self seeking and healing, I immediately saw this article, I believed it’s send from universe, and it’s really helpful, appreciation from my heart. I wonder if I can translate some of your articles and post it on Chinese website, let more people knows who they truly are. I will put all your info and website. Looking forward for your reply. From RIRI
Hey Riri,
Thank you for the offer, I think it’s great you want to translate some of our stuff. As long as you provide the proper attribution to us (our author name and a clickable link to the original article), we’re happy for you to spread the work into new languages. Let me know once it’s up so I can check it out :)
I do pretty good at being alone for the most part. I know how to keep my mind busy and occupied. It’s when I get bursts of energy and want a friend to go exploring with or go get coffee , take a walk on the beach. I have been reading and studying for like almost 4 days. It’s time to get out and get some fresh air. I just wish I had a friend to do it with. I am very very selective of who I let in my life and a lot has to do with their energy and vibes I get off them.
Thank you for this. I am an artist and have had a creativity block. So drawing my inner wolf helped in more ways than one!! Blessings.
Amazing article.
I am learning quite a lot already by reading some of the articles you have written, they are a great help up till now.
Hopefully, many people see a difference by doing the same. :)
<3
Hi Sol. Thank you very much for this share. This article is really useful to help increase the confidence of me who had experienced depression for quite a long time in previous years. I once lost my self-confidence and experienced low self-esteem and also often humiliated by people. How depressed I was at the time. Now, I am trying to build myself to be better and continue to increase my sense of confidence, especially my sense of worth.
Thank you Sol. Greetings from Indonesia.
I used to feel a lot lonelier
recently after a lifetime of doing things my way. LW articles helped me somewhat to get an understanding of wht my core issues were. Self care has led me to path that is more enriching and I don’t feel bad abt being lonely anymore.
If some one desires expert view on the topic of blogging after that i suggest him/her to go to see this website, Keep up the pleasant job.
This website is a pure accessible source of Infinite Devine. I come here every morning and evening to read an article/ to take a glass of spiritual control and move Further, therefore feel less alienated while being completely accepted and understood. That is why, just wanted to encourage you guys, that we (readers) are already connected in some invisible web and whoever is reading this article, there are more spiritual people who can relate to you in some way. I feel that we as a powerful community should support and empower each other, so feel free to share your spiritual loneliness experiences if you feel like that. Hope you’re having a lovely day.
I dont know if anyone reads all of the comments, but decided to write anyway. Thank you for this article and for all the replies from readers, again and again I keep reminding myself that there are people struggling with same problems as me, and that maybe if we all connect some day in some way, we will understand that we are not the weird ones, but we are surrounded by the wrong people.
Ive been trying to get out of loneliness and depression and connect to the people around, only to find myself discussing superficial topics and drinking lots of alcohol with it. After such outings I often want to vomit, both physically and mentally.
Only for a short time in the past I felt very deep and meaningful connection with another human being, with my past lover. Ive been seeking it again ever since but never finding it with anyone or anything else.
I hope I will feel this connection again, but for now Im just lonely…
I hear you, Yuliya <3 I hope, in the meantime, you find ways to enjoy your solitude.
I have always had an overwhelming and neverending feeling of loneliness. What doesn’t help is having an enemy so great and hateful that does black magic all the time, which is one thing that stops me from having friends or much of anything else in life. Unfortunately modern society doesn’t believe in things like this, so can’t really tell anyone either.
light is always greater than darkness.. find the Light of God. the closer you stay to God the darkness will learn and stay away
I guess I’m here to talk about bisexuality. It’s not that people are outright discriminating against my own bisexuality, but I can see that people are uncomfortable with the idea when I mention it. They say they’re “Cool with that. . . “ but often always awkwardly and move away a little. I just get this idea of being well. . . somewhat abnormal. Even when people act as activists for it, they often make a big deal about it when it’s accepted, but I just want to be treated normally about it. To be accepted about it. It’s not that people are against the LGBT here, it’s more that while they emotionally accept it, they’re not aware intellectually of the myths and stereotypes around it. That’s why I often wait for some time before telling people I’m bisexual. They often assume things about my personality.
I don’t use make up. I feel no need to wear any kind of clothes to express myself about it. I look completely “straight”. I mean, not completely, but you know what I mean. I don’t have an LGBT stereotypical job as an engineer. I’m more intellectual and sarcastic than people expect. I have the stereotype of being funny, but my jokes are more intelligent and dark than often stereotyped.
People accept me, and I feel selfish for saying this when I have that, but. . . I wish I didn’t have to spend so much time being cautious about revealing it. Really. I don’t define myself with bisexuality. My life is not surrounded by the fact. Bisexuality describes me, but not my entire life.
I wish people would stop unconsciously seeing my sexuality as a circus freak, or fetishizing certain sexualities more, as men often do when enjoying lesbian porn or women watching gay porn. I mean, I’m not against that with responsible use, considering, I take part in both of those types of porn — it’s just that for people who didn’t offer consent to be supported in an LGBT relationship, people are ready to offer support just because we have the same sexuality. Come on, just because there are two gay guys, doesn’t mean they like each other. Even if you’re straight, do you fall in love with everyone opposite sex person you meet? No! And that misunderstanding is even more awkward if you’re bisexual.
Sigh. I just don’t know.
Hello Everyone.
This is pretty difficult to type.
I am 50 years old.
I had a tramatic childhood, loads of violence and fear, no sexual molestations though.
I have always been ashamed of my body and disfunctional family, so I never had friends over.
A girl or two seemed to like me in high school but I couldn’t do anything because of fear of rejection and if we dated I could never bring her to my house.
I have never dated.
I lived in a remote area with few people other than tourists in the summer. Isolation.
I feel like the biggest loser and endless negative thoughts go through my head.
I am very thoughtful, kind and polite. Animals love me.
My brother lives with me and he takes after my father, mean, and a general dark cloud. I let him move in 17 years ago because I felt sorry for him, thinking it would only be for some shortish period but he is still here, it’ turned out that I had basically moved in a reborn father, but in a younger, crazier version.
There were many, many episodes over nothing witch made me give up on life feeling very depressed.
I was the oldest born of three kids.
My parents had a cottage rental business and I at a young age worked all the time, stepping in to replace my alcoholic father who started sleeping til 4 pm every day.
So I was saddled with responsibility early on with daily temper tantrums performed by my father which caused a depression I’ve never been able to rise above.
I would bounce up at about noon at school then become sad and depressed when I got home.
Then I quit bouncing up, though if you talked to me, I would put on a cheerful attitude for you, you wouldn’t ever guess that I was almost suicidal.
I have never felt good enough, but still I held onto hope.
I always wanted a girlfriend, not just for sex either. I actually wanted to love someone, but it was only a very powerful unrequited love, that has lasted in my heart for 25 years that I got to experience.
I am so screwed up, the pain is unrelenting and blackens my every moment.
I have only felt this way for one woman.
I’ve only taken a poignant pleasure in the beauty of nature. Always solitary walks except when my grandmother would walk too. She loved the colour of sunsets and walking, she was my best friend at times. Such a beautiful person.
I get a brief respite when I’m busy at work, which consumes my life with overtime. My work is solitary even with people around as I usually operate loud equipment with ear protection etc, so I am isolated at work too, in my head with negative thoughts.
I do believe that I would have made some girl very happy but my negative self image and negative home life prevented me from even trying.
I’ve always been a person to help others but I don’t help myself too much
I know that I am broken and cannot be fixed. The fact that I’ve never gotten any attention from any woman since the age of 15 on has completely destroyed me. My thinking was,at about age 18, that if I could get a good job and save for a number of years, that maybe in my 30’s things would be better and I could find someone then.
Imagine a person thinking that way?
Yep, I only have to wait for about 15 years to then maybe see if I would be good enough at that time.
I’m not saying this to get atttention of any type, I started reading on lonerwolf last night, all night, and for some reason wanted to get this off my chest. Obviously I would never tell this to people face to face but this site and timing seemed right.
Regards, Dave.
Tues nov 12 2019 13.38 est
I feel much better this afternoon after days of reading, in almost all hours aside from work, for about 8 to 12 hours a day.
I’ve been in a black, depressive mood for months after a hernia repair which had me sitting almost always alone for 2 months, feb and march 2019. Previously a never pain in my right leg for a bo
Previously not too bad but not great.
Today at about 13.25 I felt my comprehension of certain feelings change, like a different point of view, I feel much relieved
Like a switch was slow, slowly energizing some device.
This is the best I’ve felt in over two years.
I must also follow up on personal space issues and other things I can’t remember at the moment.
I feel that I made the correct choices in the past now.
It’s sort of like I can breath again.
Regards, Dave.
.
I’ve been up for three nights and 2 days with only about 2 hours sleep monday nov 11 2019. lello reg. the intense depressive black moods which would bring sounds from my throat like groans, and some anger and great saddness appear to be a thing of the past.
This now seems sudden, this renewed optimistic view, but I’ve been reclusive and depressed for years.
I guess what this is meant by keeping a journal, which I eye rolled when I’ve seen the title. Seems to have helped,
In the middle of the night at work alone, I yelled out injustices, something I’ve never done, with tears wetting my eyes. This went on for only a few minutes.
The black has gone now into the blue.
Hi Dave,
I’m David and I know where you’re coming from. I had about the same life, except my parents owned a restaurant. Now I’ve been married and divorce several times, but rest assured that only makes the situation worst. I loved all my relationships dearly, and about died every time I lost one.
But the good news is if we were ever to meet I wouldn’t want to talk so much about the past. Because with the time of pain and loneliness I found the need to get In touch more than ever with myself and the wonderfulness that is me. And all that was always been inside me wanting to get out. My soul and spirit.
Keep coming to his site and get books on self-improvement.
I promise it gets better…
I wish you all the happiness one can bare, David
Thank you very much David. It is very tough going right now.
I’ve always loved the beauty of nature as it seemed to be the only thing available to me, though it even brings a different sadness to me.
Best regards, Dave.
Hey Dave, I’ve just read this article today and went through a few of the comments, including yours now. I just would like to say thank you for sharing openly like you have. I have read every one of your word, sometimes a couple of times to understand your feelings. I heard about your loneliness, the negative thoughts, and the natural despair that comes when thinking about the future (and the past) from this perspective. I deal with a version of that myself at times. I find it tricky to be fully understood, or simply listened to and acknowledged.
I am sure that we all have inside ourselves something beautiful to experience and share with others, love felt and expressed from our own unique lens, made in part by all the loneliness and suffering experienced. It sounds like there were a few days in November where you felt something special in that direction.
Sometimes it helps to think about that. I realize also that sometimes it doesn’t :).
But whichever way it is for you right this moment, what I feel above all is to send you love from a brother in another part of the world. Your message allowed me to do that, and it makes me feel connected. So I just want to sincerely say a big thank you to you for that.
Greg
Thank you for the response Greg, a connection with another is so great.
I don’t have time at the moment for a longer response but I wanted to say thanks right now as I just happened upon this page at this moment and wanted to acknowledge you asap.
Much love brother, Dave.
I’ve been reading psychology articles for weeks and have discovered that under myers briggs personality tests that some personalitiy types are prone to feeling of unworthyness etc. Makes me feel a little better somehow.
Regards, Dave.
The myers briggs tests i have done, honestly, btw, so as only to have the truth, indicate that I fit the infj type.
After reading the characteristics of an infj, fit how i think about myself almost perfectly.
That knowledge gives me a little relief.
Regards to all, Dave.