If you’ve ever explored the transcendental field of spirituality, you would have discovered that the ego is often spoken about with contempt.
Many people carry the belief that the ego needs to be destroyed, muzzled or even killed. But do we need to destroy the ego? What is the ego, really? And furthermore, what can you learn about your own ego?
What is the Ego?
The ego is basically your identity, or who you think you are.
Your ego is usually constructed of a name, a personality, and a story. Within this personal story is a collection of memories, beliefs, impressions and sensations about who “you are,” where “you came from,” what “you’re good and bad at,” what “you’ve experienced,” and on, and on, and on, ad infinitum.
The Ego and Duality
The ego is a veil between what you think you are and what you actually are. You live under the illusion of the mind, totally unaware that you are directed by a great big load of stories! — Isira Sananda
Your ego was created, and is currently maintained, by the belief that you are “separate” from others and life itself. In other words, your ego believes that you are firmly HERE, and other people are firmly THERE. You have a body, life, and personality that is distinctly different from others. Therefore, according to the ego, you are not like other people. You are different. Or that’s what your thoughts tell you anyway.
As a result of being taught (or conditioned) to believe that you are a separate individual, you experience fear and suffering. Instead of simply experiencing life in its purity and wholeness, you filter life through your mind. You are taught to live life in duality. Duality is essentially the state of separation — it is the opposite of reality. It is the product of the mind. In duality, we essentially “split” or divide life.
Examples of duality include filtering life through the lenses of “right/wrong,” “good/bad,” “pretty/ugly,” “holy/sinful,” “love/hate” etc. As a product of living in duality, we create untold amounts of suffering for ourselves because we are no longer open to life. Instead, our lives become centered around judgment, condemnation, and fear. As a result, we alienate and destroy others who we perceive of as being “bad,” “wrong,” and “sinful” to protect our ideas of what is “right” and “holy.”
The more deeply we are entrenched in duality, the more we experience problems such as hatred, anger, depression, paranoia, anxiety, and perversion. Not only do we sever ourselves from others, but we are cut off from ourselves as well. Anything within us that we perceive as being “evil/bad/wrong/sinful” we suppress, repress and deny the existence of. As a result of this repressed energy, our Shadow Selves grow more and more twisted, destructive and depraved. Finally, this intense suffering is expressed in our relationships and the world at large.
Our physical world is an expression of our collective internal torment. Our lives are an expression of our inner emptiness. Simply looking at the violence, murder, poverty, greed, bigotry, mental illness and environmental degradation shows us how profoundly lost we are as a race. We are lost because we have lost touch with the truth of who we are.
The Folly of Demonizing the Ego
In light of this discovery, it is very easy to start believing that the ego is bad. In fact, some spiritual teachers teach that the ego needs to be “destroyed.” But here’s the thing: this is just another trick of the mind! I’ve heard so many people in the spiritual community condemn the ego and speak of it with such great resentment. However, the belief that our egos are “evil” or need to be “killed/destroyed” is just a reflection of the mind stuck in duality!
The ego isn’t “good” or “bad,” it simply IS. We need to realize that the ego is simply a tool. The ego exists as a biological survival mechanism. The ego also exists as a vehicle for our spiritual growth; for us to become conscious of our own strength, love, and oneness. The ego is a doorway through which we can return to our True Nature.
Why the Ego Isn’t You
You may have heard before the expression: “the ego is an illusion.” What does this mean?
The ego is an illusion, and therefore isn’t really “you,” because it is always changing. In other words, how can anything within you that is subject to birth, change, and decay really be you?
Let’s try an experiment. Write down on a notepad or word document who “you” think you are. You can always stop reading and return back to reading this article after you’ve finished.
Take a break. Really. Do the experiment now.
Now that you’ve done the experiment, read over your words. Likely, you would have written something along the lines of, “I am Jane Doe. I’m a wife, mother, and friend. I’m a fighter, a dreamer, and a spiritual seeker. I am 38 years old, have three children and am a skilled artist.”
See this description of you? This is your main personal story; the backdrop of your life, of what you think you are.
The ego is an illusion because it is simply that: a story — a story created in the mind.
Let’s use some self-inquiry and apply these questions to your statement:
- How can you be a name if it can easily be changed? You could have very well been born into a different family that named you something else.
- How can you be a body if it is constantly aging, changing, disintegrating and can be replaced with other parts? Your red blood cells live for four months, your white blood cells live for more than a year, your skin cells live for 2-3 weeks … all cells within you are constantly dying and being renewed. How can you really be your body or looks?
- How can you be a personality when it is constantly fluctuating and transforming? Think back to your personality 5 years ago, then 15 years ago. Did you have the exact same personality that you do now?
- How can you be your emotions when they are constantly coming and going, ebbing and flowing? Not only that but do you really control your emotions? Where do they come from? Do you really control them?
- How can you be your thoughts when they always changing? Not only that but do you really control your thoughts? Where do they come from? Do you really control them?
- How can you be your beliefs when what you believed 10-30 years ago isn’t what you believe today? Your beliefs are influenced by your conditioning, upbringing, and society … how can they be “you” or “yours”?
- How can you be your memories when they come, go and even alter? Did you know that there is such a thing as “false memory”? When remembering the past, the mind has a tenuous and colored perception that is subject to change and alteration. How can your memory be you?
As we can see, everything that we unquestionably believe we are isn’t really us. So what really is us? What has been there all along?
What is That Presence?
What has been there to witness everything that has happened in your life? What never changes? What is the most fundamental core of who we are?
Explore this question for a few moments and you’ll realize that it’s:
Consciousness.
Consciousness is the fabric of all things. In fact, even science has shown that everything at its core is energy vibrating at different levels. In our human experience, Presence, Consciousness or Spirit manifests itself as the energy that composes every form.
It is hard to really put a word to this experience, as language is so limited. The easiest way to experience this Presence that is you, and always has been you, is through meditation. Meditation, or quieting the mind, helps you to become simply aware of your thoughts, and the space beneath those thoughts. That space is You.
Another common way humankind since the dawn of time has used to experience this Truth of Being, this ego death, is through psychedelic shamanic plants and brews, such as Ayahuasca, Psilocybin Mushrooms, and Peyote. Although it is helpful to take such herbs, it isn’t compulsory. These plants are simply doorways into the Universal Experience or Spirit that we are.
How to Untangle Yourself From the Web of Illusion
It can take a while to truly realize that you are not the Ego, and sometimes much more to integrate this discovery on a deep level. Discovering that everything you believed you were is false can be hard to accept. In fact, don’t be surprised if you experience a lot of resistance to this article. It’s normal.
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The ego’s job is to protect itself and the belief that you are separate from other people and life itself. Experiencing the state of no-ego, or no-self, that is “enlightenment” can appear to be extremely depressing or disturbing at first. How can having no “me” or “you” really be something desirable? This is a common question.
The answer is that in order to understand, you must experience Consciousness itself. Without experiencing the Truth that you are, the spiritual search becomes purely intellectual and prone to sabotaging fears. However, once you do experience even a single moment of Consciousness, you will discover for yourself that it is the most liberating, pure, peaceful, compassionate, expansive and loving state possible. In fact, Consciousness itself is the very embodiment of love, peace, and freedom. You are this embodiment. You are the Truth that you have been seeking for.
Untangling yourself from the web of illusion is a process that requires patience, self-discipline, and dedication. This process isn’t for trendy “spirit junkies,” it is for sincere spiritual seekers.
Here are some helpful spiritual practices that will help you reconnect with the truth of who you are:
- Read through the self-inquiry questions above regularly. Ask yourself, “Is this (that I think is me) really me?” Although emotions, thoughts, personality, and body are experienced by you, they are not truly you because they are subject to birth, death, and change.
- Practice dynamic meditation to release any repressed energy within you. Do this before traditional meditation to make it easier.
- Meditate each day. Try 15 minutes first, then move on to 30+ minutes. Remember: the purpose of meditation isn’t to “get” anywhere or “achieve” anything. It is simply the practice of sitting with whatever arises in you.
- Regularly affirm to yourself, “I am Consciousness” throughout the day. Feel that truth seep into your bones and very core with each breath.
- Explore the way your ego influences your life with compassion. You can do that by reading our articles and taking our free tests. I know you’ll find something that resonates!
- Read into the experience of The Spiritual Awakening Process to get further guidance. We created this book to help support you on the spiritual path.
- Practice mindfulness on a daily basis. Mindfulness is a vital practice that will help to ground you in the present moment.
The spiritual awakening journey is one that requires courage, radical honesty and the willingness to let go of all that you are not. What is the ego? The ego is a teacher, one that you carry with you each day. When seen in this light, the ego is the most powerful and persistent teacher we have to wake us up to the Truth that has always been here, and will always be here.
I know that I am making decisions because of my ego and ‘self centeredness’ for a lack of a better word because I my current situation I’m not ‘happy’ it would be wise to recognize that I am not ‘separate’ and that I am consciousness.. but if I didn’t have my ego what would drive me to live the life that ‘ I’ want to live or does that not even matter because that’s not the spiritual goal and I should force myself l stay in my situation because if I don’t I’m letting the ego get the best of me?
It’s what Buddhists call Emptiness. Using a chariot to illustrate how there is nothing established as a truly existing self. “The chariot is not its parts, it is not something separate from its parts, the chariot does not exist dependent on its parts, the chariot does not possess its parts, the chariot is not identical with the collection of its parts, the chariot is not its shape”. -taken from Emptiness by Geshe T Tsering. (The foundation of Buddhist thought. Vol 5)
Anyway it is a concept that took me a while to grasp and will take a lifetime to incorporate into my life. I don’t have much of any ego with rampant anxiety and insecurities, but studying Buddhist philosophy and teachings has helped in learning about myself.
I have a negative ego which creates lots of destructive emotions for me. I am trying to build a strong personality using positive affirmations. Can negative alter ego destroy my positive beliefs?
Depending on it’s strength, yes it can. The longer way around this but often the more long lasting, is to approach the ego’s negative beliefs through shadow work.
Thank you for this beautiful article. I’m on a spiritual journey at early stages having abandoned it for years. It’s like trying to traverse Mount Everest in bare feet.
I’ve been in a weird place since my brother-in-law passed away from a brain tumour. I had to be strong for the whole family so I stepped in and stayed by his hospice bedside for the final two weeks of his life… a move that cost me my job but I would still make that decision if I had to do that all over again. During his long illness, my husband and I became Christians… my husband was always one as his family are incredibly devout. I tried it for about six months but I was getting increasingly angry and bitter. I hid it for a while but I turned my back on religion completely. I’d seen the most judgemental people in those circles and praying did nothingfor my brother-in-law.
Since then, I found myself reading Brian Weiss’ book, Many Lives, Many Masters for the second time in my life and it brought me right to a purely spiritual path where everything made sense.
It’s had me questioning myself and why I’ve been stuck in this weird place for so long. I was abused as a child so my ego was never nurtured. I was also bullied at school and nowhere was safe. I feel like I developed a hugely overinflated ego that tried to give me what I never got at home or with friends.
I feel like I’m waking up from a coma and everything hurts and is a mess. My ego feels like a monster who has lost its disguise, has built a solid wall around me that I didn’t even notice was keeping me trapped rather than protecting me, and the monster is stomping around my soul because it wants its own way all the time… it pushes me to gossip at work, snap at my poor husband, feel bitter, twisted and toxic. I hate how I feel now I’m aware and I feel so alone because I just spend too much time talking about myself with others… nobody is gonna want to hear this.
Shockingly enough, I used to be as quiet as a mouse and wouldn’t say boo to a goose. Then I started having counselling at 23 (been in and out of counselling ever since… I’m 39 now), and it gave me a sense of self which helped me to end my relationship with my abusive boyfriend at the time but my sense of self feels like a curse… it made me outspoken and passionate to the point where I’m very hard to handle… how has my husband put up with me for so long?!
Anyway, I really, really love your site and your ethos about being a lone wolf… I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I am one.
Much love, light and blessings to you. Thank you for helping on my long journey xx
This doesnt make much sense..because something is changing this doesnt mean that is not exist…the same brain is there and can change throught neuroplasticity…ego is not separate form “us”, its the result of consciousness..yes there is a story but consiousness is expressing this story..is like saying words are not us, of course we are not words we are the consious beings that is telling or writing these words
Sounds fishy. “We can’t describe “Consciousness” in definite terms, so we will use vagueness at maximum, and if you want to know how it really is, try it yourself. And remember to repeat “I am Consciousness” time to time!”
Also, “The ego is an illusion, and therefore isn’t really “you,” because it is always changing. ” – what does it even mean? Why something that changes is illusion? You can’t just drop a statement like that and not back it up with anything. And no, experiment does not count. You just created a convenient fictional story on behalf of a reader, refuted it, and called it proof.
Conscious can be described though to really know it must be experienced through practices such as meditation. Everything that arises within your conscious awareness (thoughts, sounds, physical sensations,) are all part of what we could call “Consciousness”.
The ego is an illusion because it’s a concept and construct of the mind, if you look for it you can’t find it. If you close your eyes and look for a ‘self’, a thinker, is there anything there? Or is it a conscious space in which thoughts arise out of nowhere? Can you look within your mind and identify the ‘ego’ and say “yes, that’s the ego right there!”?
You describe “Consciousness” as “Everything that arises within your conscious awareness (thoughts, sounds, physical sensations,)”, but you aslo describe ego similarly in the article: “…is a collection of memories, beliefs, impressions and sensations…”(I think you wouldn’t disagree that perceived physically is a part of memories, and so our thoughts are shaped by our experience). So, I don’t really understand how you seperate both terms. I hope you can go more in depth, or link some articles.
And to my general point, everything we experience is stored in our brain. So my take on this, when you go “Conscious”, you just create an entity that is seperate from your ego, however that entity is a product of your ego, of what you think would happen if you would lack any judgmental abilities and personal experiences. I don’t believe that there is a hidden puppet master that controls what you think, of which you can take control of.
Consciousness can only happen in the present moment, you’re only consciously aware in the present (so thoughts, feelings, sensations etc that arise in this very moment). But the sense of self or the ego, is a collection of both past memories and events (traumas, fears, ideologies, beliefs, social conditioning, etc) and future ideas (expectations, dreams, and so forth). The ego appears within the conscious awareness, but the conscious awareness is independent of the ego.
You can’t go ‘conscious’ because it’s something that’s always happening, that’s always there, the basis of all experience. As you say, if ‘being conscious’ was to become a new identity, then it would be part of the ego/self. A baby is conscious but has no ego or sense of self till about 6 months, when they can recognize themselves in the mirror. Up to that point, they see their reflection as a separate individual.
I never said there’s a puppet master, but there’s definitely no objective free will as neuroscience has proven (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroscience_of_free_will) and the sense of self/ego is a way this lack of free will manifests itself.
We are Consciousness, unified with Universal Consciousness, “God.” And unified with each other. We are not our bodies or persona’s (mask). Our individual sense of personal self is a delusion, an image in human mind. Ego is a biological part of us for survival, our personal stories are myths, changeable at any time, self-created. We are Spiritual/Soul Consciousness made of Eternal Light Energy, unconditional Love. ONE.
But as the construct of ‘personality’ is the global cultural norm, if we choose to do away with the personality-interface, would this not prevent others from interacting with us? Should we think of our ego / sense of self as a garment we put on, to enable communication with others? That can be modified or removed depending on the way we are interacting with our environment?
Great article, I agree a lot to your thoughts. But how can I be my consciousness? In deepsleep eg I lose my consciousness, but the self can’t lose itself. Buddha said, namarupa is the cause of consciousness and consciousness is the cause of namarupa, it’s a circle of causation. But I am neither consciousness nor am I namarupa, I am beyond both, imo.
Namaste
Thank you for helping me remember source from god is good source from universe in my opinion garbage their is a difference. Beware of the spiritual delusions if you’ve been looking into the spiritual for years.
True communication with another or connection is Metaphysical, an act of Consciousness. We all hold each other in Consciousness. Our loved ones who have passed can still be held in our Consciousness, even felt or communed with, in Consciousness. All form is God-Consciousness formed. We are not our bodies, but Soul. Immortal Soul.
Who says you need to untangle from the web of illusion perhaps you’ll be lost then
Just as an addition certain others are gifted with ways specific for them and I agree to look at the self and others with compassion is a do
i Experienced an NDE I at my core when I read things as this article I notice my self frowning and sad. It’s hard to explain but primitive protection of the personality is needed actually in all aspects body mind soul to ensure survival. Hard time accepting we are all one. We should all love each other like we love ourselves yes but that’s that. I’ll take we are separate individuals with thanks to the divine we are meant to be separate
Hi… i was going through couple of articles about inter dimensional travel… i am not able to find those articles… would like to know where it is… tnx
It’s sad when it says we’re not the same person we were 10 or 15 years ago, I guess that means if we still love someone that we were in a relationship with 10 yrs ago, we are in love with a dead person, even if that person hasn’t physically died. And if that that person no longer loves us… then I guess it makes sense. Very very sad.
“Mind is divided into 4 parts, called by the Masters, Antashkarans (this means
inner modes of action). We may say it has 4 primary attributes, faculties or qualities:
Manas receives and tastes.
Chitta takes notice of form and beauty.
Buddhi discriminates and decides.
Ahankar executes orders.
Ahankar accepts the decisions of the other faculties handed on to it by Buddhi and executes its mandates. It is the executive faculty of mind. It is also the I-Ness of the individual. It is the faculty by which the individual differentiates self from all else, and it is the faculty which enables the individual to distinguish between his own interests and that of others.
It is the faculty, which, when exaggerated, becomes vanity or egotism.”
———————————–
(Excerpt from the book “THE PATH OF THE MASTERS The Science of Surat Shabd Yoga” by Dr. Julian Johnson M.A., B.D., M.D.)
I think we should not destroy Ego, we just have to keep Ahankar at its normal rate, un-exaggerated.
This article very strongly resonated with me! Some time ago I experienced death during a psychedelic experience where I had no form, no sense of being, except the feeling of being blindly and senselessly interwoven in everything that exists. Since that time I have struggled with the balance between ego and no-ego. I thought to myself that the ego was a bad thing, but then I realized that it’s necessary for the reality we live in. I truly appreciate this article, it is my favorite and most meaningful to me so far!
I think that’s the importance of mature guidance through our journey. Psychedelics are wonderful tools, but they must be used with the right intention and wise guidance which is why shamans have existed for so long.
Learning to integrate these realizations is an invaluable part of the experience. Too much emphasis on destroying the ego without fully forming it is an unwise path to follow.
I agree with you. At some point I realized that after this psychedelic experience I was able to build and dismantle my ego willfully. I was able to experience my ego in different degrees, and I came to the conclusion that completely letting go of my ego would actually be detrimental to me. Without my ego, I wouldn’t be able to hold onto and carry out my soul’s purpose. With too much ego, the same would essentially happen because I’d become too caught up on this material plane.
Indeed, the ego is a tool. We need it to some degree. It is the “interface” between our underlying nature and this world we live in!
This appearing in my inbox is awesome synchronicity for me, I have been looking at “destroying” my ego the past few days. This morning I did a google search – “How to kill your ego”… thanks for showing me another way
It’s impossible to kill our ego’s, to destroy a part of our wholeness. Not only that, but it can result in severe psychological issues.
Instead, aiming at being free from it’s tyrannical influence by having the space necessary to freely choose whether to listen to it or not, is what we should strive toward.
That is all well and dandy, but I think it skips over a crucial level-the soul level.
In my view, the soul level is the highest one where individual characteristics remain (but yes leavened by interactions between souls, so ultimately no separateness here), where the Divine can descend into one soul and thus represent the highest individual characteristics, where creativity is maxed out in said descent. And I don’t necessarily mean literally in physical works of art (tho that certainly can be part of it). Imagine turning your entire life into a living breathing painting as all of these currents fall into you and then back out as you express them in each and every moment.
In my life I can clearly see these soul-level currents as having operated during my entire life, even back in my Dark Days (where I simply suffered from an inability to fully live from said level and have opportunities to express my yes inscrutable exhortations). Morals would certainly be part of this level, as would various other things (what Ken Wilber calls our various developmental lines).
By going straight from ego to your nondual witness (as Buddhist would call it), you miss out on what can be an immensely fruitful and rewarding level of existence. Note I dislike Buddhism’s overemphasis on pure ascent of this sort-oh, it is necessary at some point and in some ways to make the soul level work optimally, sure, but is far from the whole story. Pure descent is also too overloaded: ascent without descent is monocolor and excessively narrow in focus; descent without ascent is too self-indulgent and chaotic.
Thank you John for your comment.
This article specifically explores the idea of the ascending path (ego transcendence) as the only path to follow as many have been taught due to Eastern traditions influences. However, all of our work aims at balancing the ‘soul-level’ into our daily life as the Western ego is much more defined than the Eastern one.
As you mentioned, we agree and believe following only the ‘spiritual’ side, or the ‘psychological’ side will result in an imbalanced human being.
In our ‘Soulwork’ we refer to those levels as self-centric living and soul-centric. You might be interest in this article that further explores this: https://lonerwolf.com/psychospiritual/
Ego..is pride as well? Or just to be clear we are all unique in ego but same and one in spirit. ?
In my understanding, ego is our social self. It depends on others opinions and judgments about us.
Pride has a different essence to it. It’s not so much about others perception about our social identity, but our own self-fulfillment and satisfaction with what we do.
An example may help illustrate this. I work in my garden when I have spare time. Nobody but myself and Luna see this garden and yet I put as much effort into it as can. I feel a sense of fulfillment is knowing I’ve contributed to such beauty but I cannot gain a sense of egotistical self-worth as it doesn’t add any ‘worth’ to my social identity.
thank you