What is the Ego? Should it Be Destroyed?

Hello,
I’ve been thru trauma all my life from car accidents to smoking pot that went horribly wrong, it went so wrong I ended up in the hospital for two weeks and shortly afterwards had to drop out of high school shortly after leaving the hospital. Fast forward to the present for the past the three years I’ve been taking pain medication for severe headaches I took the pain meds until I could no longer stand the side effects, my doctor talked me into a spinal chord stimulator implanted at cervical vertebrae c1 and c2. I used the stimulator until it caused neuropathy from my neck down, it had to be removed and no doctors can help me with the neuropathy now. So I heard that meditation might help , so I tried it a few times and the very last time I tried it I feel like I went extremely deep while deep in meditation I feel like I lost myself, almost as if I wasn’t in my body any more the next day I started having severe panic and anxiety attacksand feeling very strange, suicidal, please explain to me whats going on if you can and how to stop these feelings I’m desperate and don’t know what to do.

The Five Aspects of the I in the Me

I have no desire to be right or wrong, I just want to understand.

I guess this is a ripple from the ‘Sunday Morning Moment’ back in 2016. I was there physically, but that was it. All around me, life was happening without my involvement and seemingly all by itself. The course had been set yet I had no idea that I was about to undertake the most amazing, frustrating, wonderful and downright confusing, times in my life. In putting this pen to paper so to speak, the journey continues – only this time, it is in the form of reflection. This point-in-time destination was never my goal, and that in itself, is part of the wonder of life. It has grown and been nurtured, unbeknown to me, by my thoughts and actions – and in some cases, inactions.

The question of ‘Who am I’ was never a conscious consideration for me – until I began to see seemingly random pieces fall into place and show me an interconnected reality that for me, was both hard to ignore, and a true blessing. To me this offers some level of understanding of what we are, why we are like we are, and what we can do to change that – if we so wish. I guess that this is the point of all of this – it is completely optional, the only person to make a decision is you. The only person to change because of this, is you. And primarily, the only person to benefit from this, is you. The ironic paradox of this seemingly egocentric view point is not lost on me. I sought only to be a better person, to play my part in humanity, and in my mind that meant the world around me. I have come to realise that whatever I could offer the world would not be complete, or true, or genuine until I myself, first felt those things.

I have reached the point that I realise my opinions have not been my own, that my subsequent thoughts and actions have not been my own, and that I have been living a life that was not my own. It is time for my own, spiritual, Tabularasa. At this point in time, I have no idea where this will take me, but wherever it is, it is mine. Of my creation. Of my understanding. Of my choice – that in itself is an amazing thing.

To appreciate the sum, we must first understand the parts and be aware of what each plays in putting the ‘I in Me’ There is an interconnectedness and solitude within each – alone and yet dependant on one another. Yet another paradox. Having been a product of my environment, programming and dictated reality, I now see just how important the mind is, and why we should take the time to do whatever we can to re-program, re-charge and re-align to our true selves and take back the ownership of our everyday reality.

I guess the ultimate question is that of ‘who am I?’ The following offers my philosophical understanding to date, of the question we all ponder so much.

The conscious mind.
The sub-conscious mind.
The Ego.
The Spirit.
The Soul.

That constant voice in your and my heads is a combination and reflection of, all of the above. All play a part, to a greater or lesser degree, depending upon our perception of life and what it is showing us. In the main, the order above, is what drives us, shapes us, makes us aware – but in a somewhat limited way, but in a way that the majority of people come to accept as an everyday reality.

The sub-conscious mind is the tape recorder that plays for 95% of our waking day and provides the framework on which we build our reality. The conscious mind only gets to play, for 5% of our day – whenever we are in the here and now, or in the moment. The Ego, the mightily destructive ego has nurtured itself, very quietly, unobtrusively, alongside and in conjunction with, the tape recordings.

The Spirit, with all of it’s hopes dreams and desires, inspirational ideas and a limitless number of possibilities in life. It sees with eyes that have no boundaries and offers you a glimpse of the potential you can attain. Then we have the soul, in its warm, comfortable, cup of cocoa and slippers kind of way. It resonates with security, familiarity, good times, happy times and laughter.

In this order of understanding, the five aspects of the I in Me, offer at best, stagnation, and at worst, a backwards movement within our lives. This is due to one reason, and one reason alone – the Ego. It does everything it can to maintain the I in itself and doesn’t care how it does this, so long as it does. Ultimately this severs the connection to the Spirit and Soul – self.

If, in understanding of the detremental role the Ego plays, we can reverse the list, for as soon as we shine the spotlight of awareness on it, it’s power and influence decreases and our lives take on new meaning, with the inclusion of all the five aspects. This in turn allows us to start making new recordings that are not ego centered, and are for the benefit for both ourselves, and all of those around us : –

Soul, Spirit, Ego, Sub-conscious, Conscious.

A Conscious – “A Being – For – Itself”

A Sub-conscious – “A Being – In – itself”

“The Being – For – Itself can take control of it’s own life and use it’s conscious thought to direct it’s own purpose. Whereas, the Being – In – Itself, can only be what it is, and what others use it for. ”

Sartre.

So, again, in a reality according to Freud, there are three parts to the Sub-conscious mind. The ID, the Superego, and the Ego. He equated the ID to a primal function that evokes life and death instincts. The Superego, which developed as a result of the ID’s growing awareness – albeit at a primal level, to create a concurrent awareness that would be defined, in it’s entirety, by the first seven years of it’s life. The last, and by no means least, is the Ego. Every other thing, that life has thrown , or indeed shown, this person, has gone into the mixture that makes up the Ego. So there should only be two areas of focus for all of us – the Superego and the Ego.

The Superego is created in the first seven years of your life – your brains are operating on a different frequency to the one you are using now – Theta Waves. Have you ever heard the saying,
“ahhh……just look at ’em, taking it all in”
That is exactly what is happening, taking it all in, recording, recording the rules of life’s game – possibly so that the ID can get a little satisfaction. The most bizzare thing there is, is that we programme our children to conform, right from the get-go. The first 7 years of any sphere of influence you may have of the child, will help/or hinder, to create their own reality. The Jesuit priests are well accredited with the saying,
“Give me the child until it is seven years of age, and I will show you the man. ”

The Ego is next. So when you think about it, this little puppy is built entirely of sand. Sand that was put there by someone else, and not nesessarly with the best of intentions. People dissapointments, perpetuating self doubts and an increasing sence of ‘what’s it all about?’ Moments of joy, wonder and gladness, tinged with tears of remorse, regret and self-recrimination. But, as I say, this reality has it’s foundations in sand and therefore should be viewed somewhat objectively. There should be no power struggle with the Ego – just understanding, acceptance, and a wry smile.

If anything is to change in your life, then look at the first seven years of life with reality and objectivity – knowing at all times that the best intentions were on display that day, for where that person was at, on that day. This offers the beginnings of a new, individual understanding – it doesn’t have to be a massive thing, it may seem quite insignificant – but it may be significant enough to keep the balance out of your life. It’s at this point that you either allow your past to control and define you, or you allow your past to console and re-define you – the choice is yours.

I guess the only way you could judge something to be good or bad, would be in remembering how it made you feel. But that in itself may be tainted with the external protocal responses that the Ego has picked up along the merry way. Any which way, this is the starting point of, well, anything you want really – with an acceptance of any toxic human conditioning, for what it was. This will then open up the doors to the hall of the mighty Ego. Knowing that there is a reason why you feel the way you do, or live the life you lead, or worse still, dont lead.

“You cannot achieve a positive change unless your Ego is also directing this, as it is the organising principle of the ordinary mind. If the Ego has become fully involved in gradual misaligned confusion, it will not permit positive change but only persue affirmation of ingrained belief.”

Domo Gesha Rinpoche.

The only way to change your reality is to start with the conscious mind. This little bad boy needs to be converted from a connector, to a creator. As a connector, the conscious mind facilitates the perpetual, everyday and seemingly everlasting, mental roundabout that you find yourself on. It knows no better, because thats always how it’s been done. Simply re-inforcing the tape recordings that are keeping you where you are, spinning and spinning and not knowing the reasons why. As a creator, however, it is in a league of it’s own. The conscious mind now has to undertake the most bizzare period of, what can only be described as, unusual, unusual and maybe a little bit delusional. Repetition from the conscious mind will gradually start to erase the old recordings, and lay down bright, shiny, new digitally remastered ones. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – so true, all day long, so true.

The information about yourself, being fed by the conscious, to the sub conscious needs to reflect the real you, the who you are, what you see your contribution to be, and as much positive self talk as you can muster. I found I was encouraging myself and my subconscious was like, “you what, you really just said that you are going to write a book” and then hear the internal laughter – it will happen. Persistance, belief in yourself, and an acceptance that you may feel a bit weird from time to time. This, after an amount of time, the universal shifting begins – your sub-consciousness buys into all that the conscious has been telling it. It buys into it and sets about, doing everything in it’s collective conscious, to facilitate it.

For me, the next step has been very illuminating – that of the synchronicities, synchronicities and their perfectly orchestrated little nuggets of joy, that guide us along the way. The first job of the day for me was to move some medical equipment from the maternity block to Interventional. My next job was to collect eight units of blood from the blood bank,and to take them to Interventional – there was a ladies name on the blood. The third job was to collect a patient from the maternity block, and take them to interventional – it was the same lady as I had previously collected the blood and moved the equipment for. These things are all around us and are there to be seen, appreciated, and maybe even acted upon. It is in taking time to stop, breathe and observe, that we allow ourselves to see them.

In having an Ego, that is an imposter from the ground up, we somehow block the flow with the Spirit and Soul parts to ourselves. I guess this could be why there may be a sence of emptyness, devoid of any tangeable meaning or purpose. But stop the flow it does, and in shining a light of understanding, acceptance, and with a wry smile, we can help it to work in our favour. It is then, and only then, does the Spirt and the Soul, have the room to manouvre, space to influence, and, at last, a chance to participate. You have been firing on three cylinders, when in actual fact, you have five – it’s just the blockage in the Sub-conscious Ego, was stopping them from working. Clear the blockage, and you’ll be firing on five, all day, every day – and that will make such a difference in your life.

I see, hear, touch taste and smell things differently. The reality that is looking at me, and I, still in my amazement, I am gleefully staring back at – safe in the knowledge that it is of me, by me, and for me – is truely incredible. You never seem to be answering life’s questions on your own anymore. A great big ginormous, ever so tiny, life-sync will blip. The blip will pulsate the waves, the waves will pulsate your life. I never really truely understood what it meant to ‘let go’ and to ’embrace the new you’ , but I do now. Humility – not by thinking less of yourself, but by thinking of yourself less. Servitutde. Unchained and Unconditional – from Soul to Soul, with a contract written in eternity. In remembering that everything starts with you. Take the time to look after your Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual well-being. In that moment that you undertake to look after your Physical, Emotional and Spiritual well-being, you do it not only for yourself, but for Source, and for Humanity.

The connection between the Soul and Subconscious mind is a tangeable pathway that is prone to blockage. If the connection pathway between the two has been blocked (by the Ego), then the pre-determined lifestyle recordings, are free to keep playing as they wish. Once the Ego is accepted, evaluated and integrated, then the blockage is removed and an environment for change has happened. You need your Souls help reprogramming your Subconscious mind. The Consciousness is the voicebox of the Ego – assimilate the Ego on your terms, and the conversation via the Consciousness changes. Whilst you continue to be directed by the Ego-realised Consciousness, you will remain unchanged and unaware – save that little voice from time to time as your Soul tries to re-establish contact. Your personality is an accumulation of an eternity of Consciousness and is the purest, truest reflection, of yourself that there is. This is why the connection with it – ie, the Soul, is so important.

So important – it is your Eternal Consciousness, an acumulation of the very essence of you. The personality, the long established likes and dislikes, the comfortable, snugly fitting you – the always looking out for the best for you. The importance of it’s symbiotic, solitary, connectedness is massive, and serves no other purpose, when not connected, to detract from you – the real you. There is ia very definate link between all 5 aspects of the I in Me, yet it is in isolating, identifying and assimilating each one individually, do we begin to see all gears moving in unison. We start the car off in first gear, and as momentum builds we move to second.

And as momentum builds, we move to third – and so on. How we live our lives, what we project into the world, and, indeed, our own mental imput, provides the momentum, it is by moving through, and in understanding of, our five gears – Conscious, Subconscious, Ego, Spirit, and Soul, do we elevate our existance, experience, and reality in this world.

If there is any reason for all that you have just read then it is this, I genuinely believed that Freud underestimated the role that the ID plays in the percepted reality we experience. He postulates that the ID and the SuperEgo must form an alliance, and ideally, an equilibrium, in order to facilitate the Ego. I would suggest that the ID should be considered an entity in it’s own right – despite being viewed as a non-programmable part of the brain. Something, an essance, that is just there, that is. This is where your Soul resides, your Soul and intuition. Your personality, and therefore Soul, is an accumulation of an eternity of Consciousness and is the purest, truest reflection of yourself that there is. It holds your past life memories and the blueprint for this one. How can this be a sub plot in the creation of ones life?

‘It starts in the Mind, and starts in the Spirit, and starts in the Soul.

Life must change, and in doing so, opens up new, unexplored, undreamed avenues to a new reality of what lies beyond.

There is no comprehension, dreams are limited, and yet exceeded.’

Paul Tomkinson

The Sub-conscious mind however, really is, the Person within the person – or at least one part of it is. According to Freud, there are two distinct, individual parts to every human beings sub-conscious mind. The Descriptive and the Dynamic. This is where you map out your life, your very thoughts shape the world you live in, your good days and bad, are all created here. The descriptive is the totally submissive – being culpable only by default – Programme Storage and Manifestation. A personal library that simply provides the shelves, nothing more, no input, no opinion – it has been your life so far, that is responsible for filling the said shelves. The Dynamic however, tells you who you are, what to belive, what is right, what is wrong. This is where we come unstuck – none of it’s actually ours. Did I mention the fact that this is where the Ego also lives – all three parts to her.

I know that I am making decisions because of my ego and ‘self centeredness’ for a lack of a better word because I my current situation I’m not ‘happy’ it would be wise to recognize that I am not ‘separate’ and that I am consciousness.. but if I didn’t have my ego what would drive me to live the life that ‘ I’ want to live or does that not even matter because that’s not the spiritual goal and I should force myself l stay in my situation because if I don’t I’m letting the ego get the best of me?

Thank you for this beautiful article. I’m on a spiritual journey at early stages having abandoned it for years. It’s like trying to traverse Mount Everest in bare feet.
I’ve been in a weird place since my brother-in-law passed away from a brain tumour. I had to be strong for the whole family so I stepped in and stayed by his hospice bedside for the final two weeks of his life… a move that cost me my job but I would still make that decision if I had to do that all over again. During his long illness, my husband and I became Christians… my husband was always one as his family are incredibly devout. I tried it for about six months but I was getting increasingly angry and bitter. I hid it for a while but I turned my back on religion completely. I’d seen the most judgemental people in those circles and praying did nothingfor my brother-in-law.
Since then, I found myself reading Brian Weiss’ book, Many Lives, Many Masters for the second time in my life and it brought me right to a purely spiritual path where everything made sense.
It’s had me questioning myself and why I’ve been stuck in this weird place for so long. I was abused as a child so my ego was never nurtured. I was also bullied at school and nowhere was safe. I feel like I developed a hugely overinflated ego that tried to give me what I never got at home or with friends.
I feel like I’m waking up from a coma and everything hurts and is a mess. My ego feels like a monster who has lost its disguise, has built a solid wall around me that I didn’t even notice was keeping me trapped rather than protecting me, and the monster is stomping around my soul because it wants its own way all the time… it pushes me to gossip at work, snap at my poor husband, feel bitter, twisted and toxic. I hate how I feel now I’m aware and I feel so alone because I just spend too much time talking about myself with others… nobody is gonna want to hear this.
Shockingly enough, I used to be as quiet as a mouse and wouldn’t say boo to a goose. Then I started having counselling at 23 (been in and out of counselling ever since… I’m 39 now), and it gave me a sense of self which helped me to end my relationship with my abusive boyfriend at the time but my sense of self feels like a curse… it made me outspoken and passionate to the point where I’m very hard to handle… how has my husband put up with me for so long?!
Anyway, I really, really love your site and your ethos about being a lone wolf… I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I am one.
Much love, light and blessings to you. Thank you for helping on my long journey xx

Sounds fishy. “We can’t describe “Consciousness” in definite terms, so we will use vagueness at maximum, and if you want to know how it really is, try it yourself. And remember to repeat “I am Consciousness” time to time!”
Also, “The ego is an illusion, and therefore isn’t really “you,” because it is always changing. ” – what does it even mean? Why something that changes is illusion? You can’t just drop a statement like that and not back it up with anything. And no, experiment does not count. You just created a convenient fictional story on behalf of a reader, refuted it, and called it proof.