Let me start with the facts: I used to be really into the idea of twin flames.
In fact, I was so intrigued by the idea that not only did I write some of the most highly read articles on the internet about it, but I also created a 20,000+ member Facebook group on it, AND I co-wrote an entire book about it that accumulated over one hundred 4.5 star reviews on Amazon.
Someone the other week even commented that I was “you know, the twin flame authority on the internet,” for which I immediately cringed because that’s certainly not what I want to be known for (but Mindful Shadow Work or the Spiritual Awakening Process? Yes please).
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Having started my romantic relationship before the whole twin flame craze back on the 11th of November 2011 (yeah, I know, 11.11.11, one of many “twin flame numbers”), on some level, it once felt like destiny for me to write about twin flames. Love, after all, has been such a transformative catalyst for me that I wanted to share my journey with others.
But very rapidly, I started to realize that not only did I have no passion for continuing down the twin flame road, but the path actually nauseated me, and I began seeing more and more how the idea could be toxic and easily misused.
While I attempted to provide some kind of grounded and psychospiritual understanding of this twin flame concept in the book I authored, the message just didn’t get through. Instead, I would witness over and over again how such an idea could be used to justify narcissistic, codependent, and otherwise toxic relationships.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
You can’t build a stable foundation upon an idea propagated by the new age movement that is defined by push-and-pull psychodrama dynamics, so I’ve had to let it go – and all the many hours of work I’ve put into it through the years.
Needless to say, I’ve since taken this entirely off my plate, handed the twin flame Facebook group over to someone else, redirected all the articles on this website about twin flames, and unpublished the twin flames book.
As someone who takes pride in their work and wants it to be as helpful and healing as possible, this has been a big personal blow and a true lesson in humility for me.
In this totally rewritten and revamped article, I’m going to explain firstly what is a twin flame (as I once understood it) and why I feel like the twin flame idea can be more harmful than helpful. Buckle up.
Table of contents
- What is a Twin Flame?
- 21 Twin Flame Signs
- 7 Reasons Why the “Twin Flames” Idea Can Be Toxic and Disempowering, aka., Why I Abandoned the Notion
- 1. The notion that your twin flame completes you or is the “other half of your soul” is anxiety-provoking and disempowering
- 2. The idea of having a “twin flame” can cause people to stay in relationships that are unhealthy and blatantly toxic
- 3. The “runner and chaser” twin flame dynamic can lead to people feeling obligated to deal with bad behavior and trapped in abusive relationships
- 4. The belief that having a twin flame will solve all your problems is a lie
- 5. The twin flame idea has caused many people to abandon their healthy and functional relationships in favor of an illusory ideal
- 6. The twin flame notion misses the whole point of spiritual partnerships
- 7. There are scam artists and sharks who smell the blood of emotional vulnerability in the water and are using it to their benefit
- What Term I Use Now
- Final Words
What is a Twin Flame?
Here’s the original definition I shared in the chapter I wrote on twin flames in the twin flame book that I’ve since unpublished:
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Your twin flame, or twin soul, is a person with whom you are destined to feel connected on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level. A twin flame is a person who’s your friend, lover, and teacher in this life.
21 Twin Flame Signs
Some signs of a twin flame that I later shared in the book were the following:
- You feel a strange, inexplicable sense of “recognition” when you meet the person.
- You have a feeling that they are going to play a crucial role in your own development.
- You’ve established an immediate, intense connection.
- You feel as though you’ve finally found a “home” or safe place with the other person.
- You can be your authentic self.
- You both embody the yin and yang.
- You feel a sense of expansion with them, as though you are larger than your limited identity.
- They make you a better person, and you make them a better person.
- When together, you are both bonded but free, attached but unattached.
- You are finely tuned to their energy, and they are finely tuned to yours.
- You feel as though you have been waiting for this person your entire life.
- You both connect deeply and mirror each other’s values and aspirations for life.
- Your twin flame is a mirror of what you fear and simultaneously desire the most for your own inner healing.
- Your childhoods were polar opposites.
- One of you is more spiritually mature than the other and often serves as the teacher, counselor, or confidant within the relationship.
- You are taught important life lessons such as forgiveness, gratitude, empathy, and open-mindedness by them and alongside them.
- Your connection is multi-faceted (they are your best friend, lover, teacher, and muse all at once).
- The most growth you’ve ever experienced has been with them.
- Your twin flame doesn’t try to change you. They accept you for who you are and what stage you’re at and encourage you to do the same for yourself (and vice versa).
- You can be truthful with each other about anything.
- Together, you both feel driven towards a higher purpose.
Now, most of these signs seem pretty innocent, right?
The problem with the twin flame idea is not so much the signs (although depending on the voice behind detailing them, it can be a problem) but how the concept is applied to everyday life.
7 Reasons Why the “Twin Flames” Idea Can Be Toxic and Disempowering, aka., Why I Abandoned the Notion
Now, here’s the thing: if you love and have found benefit in the idea of having a twin flame, that’s wonderful. You do you. I’m not here to try to change your mind because I trust in your ability to make the right decisions for your own life.
Hopefully, something I wrote about this topic in the past helped you, and I wish you all the best in your relationship with yourself and your partner moving forward.
But personally, as hard as I tried to make the twin flame idea work for me, and as much as I tried to make it a viable, down-to-earth reality, it became increasingly obvious through the years that I had to extricate myself from it completely.
Here are seven reasons why the twin flame idea can be toxic and disempowering and why I’ve decided to move on from the notion altogether:
1. The notion that your twin flame completes you or is the “other half of your soul” is anxiety-provoking and disempowering
Firstly, can you imagine how humungous a burden it is to place on someone else’s shoulders the responsibility of “completing” you or even being the “other half” of your literal soul? That’s an immediate recipe for dysfunction and horrific codependency in my book.
The twin flame notion is an anxiety-provoking idea that disempowers us because it makes our wholeness entirely dependent upon someone else and what they do or don’t do. Can you see how messed up that is?
Besides, it is my deep experience and realization that the Soul is innately whole and complete; it’s just the fragmented mind that believes otherwise. As such, how can someone else be the “other half” of your Soul?
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We need to question our spiritual beliefs carefully because they can be the difference between mental peace and psychological torture.
2. The idea of having a “twin flame” can cause people to stay in relationships that are unhealthy and blatantly toxic
Hearing from a friend of mine that the twin flame idea caused her to stay in a toxic relationship long past its expiry date because she believed “he was her twin flame” made me want to scream and cry at the same time.
The reality is that I’ve seen this happen a lot, particularly on the twin flame Facebook group I used to be an admin of for about five years. There were so many people in that group claiming to have twin flames, but when they described their connections, they were clearly one-sided or else utterly toxic and harmful.
When we get into our minds the idea that someone is our twin flame due to confirmation bias, it can be an extremely hard belief to shake. After all, it makes us feel special and shrouds our relationships in a kind of holy glow that we’re less likely to want to give up.
3. The “runner and chaser” twin flame dynamic can lead to people feeling obligated to deal with bad behavior and trapped in abusive relationships
The push and pull experience in relationships is common, aka., things are normal, we get into an argument, then we make up. Fairly typical, right?
The issue with the idea of twin flame relationships is that they’re largely defined by something known as a “runner and chaser” stage, where one person is pulling away from the relationship, and then the other is pursuing that person and trying to bring them back. Perhaps things work out for a while, and then again, the runner and chaser pattern happens.
Now, I have heard of people getting into some pretty blatantly abusive relationships and yet saying things like, “Oh, she totally ghosted me and pretends I don’t exist: we’re in the runner and chaser stage,” or “he’s behaving in such a controlling way because he’s the chaser and I’m the runner.”
In psychology, this push and pull dynamic is known as the Cycle of Abuse where tension builds, there’s an incident of abuse, reconciliation occurs, and then a period of calm before the cycle starts again.
So what abuse do people tend to justify in twin flame relationships? Some of these abusive tactics can involve things like:
- Being overly controlling (restricting what you do, who you see, where you go)
- Shaming and blaming you
- Criticizing and putting you down
- Guilt tripping or emotionally blackmailing you
- Humiliating you in front of others
- Controlling your finances
- Displaying extremely possessive or jealous behavior
- Ridiculing and dismissing you
- Accusing you of unfaithfulness
- Neglecting you (e.g., emotional withholding, silent treatment)
- Spying on or monitoring you
- Gaslighting and hoovering you
- Playing mind games with you
- Abandoning and ghosting you
You get the picture. What I’ve shared above is emotional and psychological abuse – but physical abuse can and does enter the picture as well.
All of the above abusive tactics, and more, have been suffered yet justified in the name of being in a “twin flame relationship.” But there’s a big difference between a healthy and satisfying relationship and one that is mentally, emotionally, or even physically toxic.
4. The belief that having a twin flame will solve all your problems is a lie
The notion of having a “harmonious twin flame union” that will provide you with utter peace, fulfillment, and unending joy sounds magical on the surface. But the reality is that we are all imperfect beings with flaws, annoying quirks, and traumas to work through.
We will inevitably feel a lack of peace, an absence of fulfillment, and other uncomfortable emotions at times, and that is totally normal. It’s part of being human, and we don’t need to pathologize and run away from it into a romantic fantasy.
The “happily ever after” and “eternal union” story is one of the best marketing gimmicks. But the honest truth is that we don’t know if our love will last forever. We don’t know if our relationships will be our “happily ever after,” even though we may desperately need and want them to be.
This doesn’t mean we become cynical and denounce love and relationships completely, but it does mean that we become more grounded and realistic. In my experience, the more realistic and down-to-earth we are in our relationships, the healthier and stronger they become.
5. The twin flame idea has caused many people to abandon their healthy and functional relationships in favor of an illusory ideal
This is one of the saddest parts of the twin flames nonsense. So many good, mutually respectful, and healthy relationships have ended because one person within the couple has found someone else who they believe is their “twin flame” – and therefore, they feel the need to abandon their current relationship in favor of their ideal one.
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Positioning the supposed “twin flame relationship” above other relationships as superior is harmful, toxic, and life-destroying for many people.
Imagine this: everything was harmonious in Jane and Bob’s relationship until one day, Bob discovered the twin flame idea, and BOOM. Now, Bob is no longer happy because his relationship doesn’t meet his fantasy spiritual ideal. He realizes that the crush he has at work on the receptionist must be his “true twin flame” because they have such a “fiery spark” – and so he abandons his wife in pursuit of this newer, more ideal twin flame relationship that will apparently fulfill his every need, make him whole and complete, and give him eternal happiness.
It sounds crazy, but this shit actually happens. And it breaks my heart.
6. The twin flame notion misses the whole point of spiritual partnerships
As Antoine de Saint-Exupery once wrote,
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
The twin flame idea promotes this kind of sickly preoccupation with the other person, what they’re doing, and how much happiness they’re bringing you – and whether they’re your “true” or “false” twin flame.
But this is all a distraction, in my opinion, as the point of a spiritual partnership isn’t to obsessively fixate on the other but to work towards making this world a better place.
Perhaps the twin flame notion is just a result of our hyper-individualistic narcissistic society that elevates the individual and their happiness above everything else. Perhaps that’s just a cynical observation.
Either way, the unhealthy preoccupation and obsession with another idealized person who is the “missing half of your soul,” to the exclusion of everything and everyone else, is self-absorbed and missing the point of love-centered spirituality.
7. There are scam artists and sharks who smell the blood of emotional vulnerability in the water and are using it to their benefit
As documentaries such as Escaping Twin Flames and Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe have come out, it has become increasingly clear that the twin flame idea has caused many to get sucked into disturbing and controlling cult-like groups.
Being raised in a fundamentalist religious cult-like environment, this is extremely disturbing to me and something that triggers feelings of anger and regret that I got into the whole twin flame thing in the first place (although, with self-compassion, I can understand why).
The highly emotional nature of the twin flame idea has led some scam artists who claim to be twin flames to charge huge amounts of money to access their services – I’m talking in the thousands of dollars range.
There is so much I could say about this, but I want to keep what I write simple and direct and encourage you to please exercise caution.
Paying thousands of dollars for courses and coaching packages that promise you to find your twin flame is not just ridiculous but, in my opinion, unethical to a criminal degree.
Keep your money and find someone who’s actually trained as a licensed relationship counselor – you’ll be much better off in the long run, financially, emotionally, and psychologically.
What Term I Use Now
As much as I dislike the twin flame label, I do appreciate the value and power of relationships as a spiritual catalyst. I have an article dedicated to the many soul ties we experience in relationships.
Since I’ve dropped using the “twin flame” term, I much prefer the term “spiritual relationship” or even just soul mate, as that feels more accessible and available to everyone, not just a select few who pay $7777 in a workshop to be matched with their “true twin flame” – or through divine cosmic intervention happen to find “the one.”
Final Words
If you’ve got this far, congratulations. I hope you feel more liberated from the twin flame idea by now – since dropping the label, I certainly have! And I’m never looking back.
Please be mindful and careful when navigating these murky waters.
Yes, there may be many well-intentioned, ethical people out there who talk about twin flames. But there are also many unethical and money-grabbing snakes out there ready to sink their teeth into the most desperate and lovesick among us, promising them fantasies and castles in the clouds.
Remember that twin flames won’t and don’t complete you. Your wholeness doesn’t depend on finding another person – this belief is a recipe for suffering, so let it go. True happiness and wholeness originate from within you.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for.
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Hi,
I saw this senior guy in my college when my friend was showing him to me. I have been having crushes in the past nd havent got into a relationship. But i felt suddenly attracted to him. I immediately felt like as if i know him so well like how deep his soul is and what kind of a person he was from deep inside. Weird it was.And to my surprise when i enquired i came to know that those were true. I liked him so much and i badly wanted to talk to him even if its not going to end up in a relationship. I felt that he would totally get me if i tell him what i felt about him. I told my friends and they decided to help me concluding that i fell in love. We all together tried so much to just say a hi to him even though he was a mutual friend for me. Finally after trying for a whole month i decided that im gonna talk to him on that day no matter what happens. But it was the same day i came to know that he blocked me and my friends in all social media due to some misunderstanding between mine and his friends. I tried but in vain. I felt broke because i wanted him atleast to know that i felt that connection for him. Then after a month suddenly things started working their way up . His friend volunteered from nowhere to talk to me and i told him everything . And he made me talk to that special senior.And to my surprise he understood me more than my friends and immediately we became close. I felt he had a special role in my life and it was going to be a period of transition. And he do believed in that and often told me that we arent ending up in a relationship but there is a reason that we have met each other. Day by day our bond became stronger irrespective of what people thought about us. We talked about our lives , he taught me so much of his life experiences and learnings. He made me realize the values of things and people i already had in my life . More than everything he made me realize that who i am and that i must love myself for that and to be self confident. I was able to talk about anything to him. I always wanted him to be here for me as a mentor. I loved him . Yeah i did . But didnt want to even think about a relationship if he wasnt ready to. And i even spoke about that to him. He understood me before i could express anything. But he warned me that he might go far away from me when he passes out of college and he wanted me to be strong at that time. And yeah after three months he did leave college. I felt as if i went far away from my home and i miss him. We talk occasionally . And things started getting worse when other people potrayed to him that i loved him so much and i had a hope and i that i was depressed because he left me. And we ended up arguing about this and he finally told me that he would talk to me again when he feels that things are right and when he feels that i am doing well without feeling so bad for his absence. Nd yeah i definitely know that he would talk to me after sometime. I dont know whether he too did mention about these conncetions and bond all these time but im sure that he is my twin flame. I still feel that divinity in our relationship . That purpose and that destiny. Because im strong in my instinct even today in our relationship no matter if people dont get it. I would always feel happy and satisfied when i think about the time i had spent with him as it guides me all the time . I thank god for that always .
I remember so well that i felt that i felt it was a destiny that i must talk to him and something pushing me often to get into this. And i even knew tht this is gonna change my life forever and im gona find who i am after this . And yeah it did. All these things happened just because i followed my heart. And i still follow. Thank you for reading.
very interesting subject , outstanding post.
Hi everyone!
So I went through an experience a good 9 years ago now. Although my twin flame came to me after he had passed on, he opened my eyes to the true beauty that is out there. It’s just such a euphoric experience, there are no words!
I thank him everyday for coming into my life and showing me there is more to life, and that he is with me. The signs he had also given me were just incredible, and it’s just one of those experiences in life that has changed me forever. My life will never be the same, I’m forever grateful for him reaching out to me, and showing me a love that is to this day, truly indescribable!!
I love you with all my heart Michael.
This has been the hardest journey ever. I met him in Oct 2016. We were together for 6 months. My ex threatened him and he left. He came back 6 months later. Only now to leave yet again. He said he feels that we have a physical connection yet isn’t sure where to go next. Moving in together or marriage!? I asked what does he want he said he doesn’t know and he needs his space. Omg I never see him anyway and we never talk on the phone and we text may be once a week. How much more space does he need.. ? Can someone please explain this to me? The last break up Put me in the hospital for 8 days. My heart is crushed. It literally hurts. I love him always and told him that. I know my fears pushed him away I thought i was being cool by not being needy or pushy. He is the best person who has ever accepted me for who I am. He said if I could not just be his friend he understands. Is he really my twin then? He is not awakened. Any advice I don’t know how to stop crying and the pain is unbearable.
I’m not sure if I have meet my twin or not . I’m experiencing lots of energy in my stomach and can feel this person sexually when he is miles away. I could tell when he was going to call, I know when he thinks of me. Can someone help me? Is there something wrong with me? He is in and out of my life?
I can tell you from personal experience that there is nothing wrong with you! The feelings you have are valid, and can lead to a great experience!
However, the presence of these feelings do not necessarily indicate a Twinflame, or even a long-term partner.
Free will trumps everything! People are not always at the same place at the same time, nor do they always want the same things at the same time.
Also it is important to remember that no one out there can ‘save’ you. You are responsible for that! However, another can guide you, or allow you to guide him, or you can guide each other.
By all means, explore the relationship, and COMMUNICATE! Don’t let your unspoken expectations run the relationship – COMMUNICATE!
And if good communication is not possible, this is not the long-term person for you, no matter what physical feelings are there. Could be fun for a short while, of course.
Hope this all makes sense.
Blessings!
Hi! I have a question, and would love some feedback on this.
The whole concept of “twin souls” is new to me. Like, I started reading about it a week ago. The name/phrase had been showing up several places, until I finally decided I needed to find out what it was all about. What struck me then, was that a lot of the “signs” fit so well with a connection I am having with someone, but then again some don’t. I understand that nobody can tell me if this is my twin souls it not, but I would love to hear if this is something that can be a twin soul connection, or if I am just off. So here goes..
-The first time I saw her, from the back, in a crowd, I felt like I knew her, and like I needed to be with her. But at this time in my life I was at a low point, and thought to myself “I don’t want her to see me like this, I don’t want her to know me like this”.
-very shortly after this, I started the process of finding, well, myself, really. My whole life has changed since then, my job, were I live, relationship, my appearance, my mood, attetude and so on
-the first time I had a real conversation with her, I walked out feeling like no one has ever seen me so clearly, ever.
-my spiritual journey has just exploded after meeting her
-i feel a love for her that is different from anything I have ever known before. Like I don’t need to”own” her or need a traditional relationship in any way, I just want from the bottom of my heart for her to be happy. It’s like, when she smiles, I can feel it in my heart.
It’s not like being “in love”. We do not have a romantic relationship, and even though I would like to, just knowing that she exists is enough.
-she is in my dreams slot. And it is always positive, sweet, connected, some times intimate.
-our handwriting is so similar it is spooky
-we are so much alike but at the same time so different and complement each other
-we are in each others heads some times (like “you told me the other day about so-and-so”, “no, I didn’t. I was going to say just that, but haven’t yet”).
-i feel like she also knows about this connection, but will not talk about it (she seems to be afraid to reveal to me, others and/or herself how she feels around me). She keeps me at a set distance
-i felt from the first day that it was important that I don’t push myself on her, but give her time and let her come to me.
And these last few points is what has me wondering. Would we be able to keep up the distance and to be so patient with each other it this is really twin flame love?
I would love some comments on this❤️
(There is off corse alot more to this story, but to much to write. Ask if there is anything you want to know!)
Hi,
Iam in a similar situation….as of yours … its kinda strnge… i met a man of my age.. in a very strange way and in a difrent country wer i live in and i instantly felt as if he has been waiting for me all his life and from day 1 felt dat conection wid him….v share this twin flame…Ther is so much fondness.. so much afection and i fell in true love with him…like i couldnt define wats true luv all my life…but conected wid him although we hvnt cnfessed verbally til now..Only sad thing is i can nevr tell him how genuinely i love him and how much he means to me as v hve met in a wrong time of my life atleast..iam enjoying this phase wid him… its full of ups n downs… atached but unatached to each other…:) experincing it first time so deep so intense… patience is by default xpcted but the longing to b together is also intense…..not sure if v will ever open up this to each other..
This is a reply to Kristin,
I am feeling all of those same things, with the same question – are we twin flames if passion is able to be kept at bay – in my case because of crushing circumstances, but because of the on/off hot/coldness of our connection, I am not even really sure that it is a romantic connection – oh it has been so painful, but causing so much spiritual and personal growth, so a blessing I guess lol – interested to know how you and your TF are now?
I do not really know whether I have found my soulmate. I have struggled a lot about such a friend. We only communicate through google translation as he knows only indo and me English and Chinese. We love singing and we are met in a software app name as smule. We are from different country only communicate through whatsapp. I am married and he is single. Age gap is around 10 years and I am the older one. Initially he expressed a lot which I cannot accept but after reading a book how to be happy in old age, I realised soulmate does exist which can help you be more happier in older life. I accepted this and now trying out whether it works.
I started a new job. I will never forget the first day. My boss walked me to my desk and then walked away. I stood there, looked around at the open space and thought, this is it. This is the next phase? Then suddenly, something overtook my thoughts and as I glanced around the room – one big room with a bunch of desks, computers and people – I thought to myself, where are you? Who was I talking about? I had no idea, but I felt like I was there to meet someone, and it turns out, I was.
I had no idea who I was looking for but I knew I was there for something more than a job. Five months later, I began to notice a pattern. It started with his voice. I recognized it. Then the strangest things started to happen. When he would walk into the room, I would get up seconds before which made it awkward because we’d be looking at each other. Or I would look in his direction just seconds before he would make his way over and this resulted in us locking eyes. There would even be times that I would be typing away, randomly look up and he would happen to look my way and we would again, lock eyes. The first time I noticed that we locked eyes, I felt like we were telling each other a story and everything happened in slow motion. He kept walking but I kept reading (him that is) until I broke the eye contact and felt a warmth inside of me. All of this was unintentional. As the months passed, a magnetic force became obvious between us. He became the chaser and I the runner. I had no idea what was going on but I tried hard to dodge him at all costs each and every time. We are both married. We can’t be flirting and we certainly can’t be attracted to each other. I actually had to stop and assess the situation, wait, am I attracted to him, no, not at all! Ok, that’s good. Then it won’t be hard to ignore and avoid him. He literally would walk behind me, as if trying to catch up to me and I would walk in different directions around the office space to try and lose him. After several intense glances, he started to appear in my dreams. We would communicate to one another and in one particular dream, he held out his hand and comforted me. I needed it as I was faced with some very difficult times in my life and didn’t feel loved. But he loved me. And he made me feel loved. I started to embrace him chasing me and stopped running, and started to meet him half way. I realized he wasn’t trying to hurt me. And when I accepted what was happening on a spiritual level, I began to love him back. We would look for each other as soon as we got to work, during work, and at the end of the day. “You are my favorite hello and my hardest good bye.”
So about a year later, we had a moment. We participated in a group activity. He stood next to me for about a half hour and my whole being felt at peace, at home. My body felt as if it was floating. It was surreal. Later that day I could feel him calling me and on purpose, I tried to ignore it. As much as I wanted to, I also wanted to prove that I was in control. But I lost and he won. I walked over and he immediately stood up and hugged me. I accepted the hug and stood in his arms for a few minutes and felt at home, his warmth, smell, love, it was soothing. Later, the words to a song would describe the feeling I had when we connected physically for the brief few minutes, and to this day, 3 yrs later, still apply:
Andrew McMahon, Cecilia And The Satellite: “For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you.”
Later, he was slated to go on a business trip overseas. I didn’t know how to handle him leaving for a few months so I shut down and shut him out. I didn’t look at him, didn’t say a word. I felt like I had to protect myself. I later found out that he tried to get me to go on the same trip but someone else took my spot. He made time to return in between to see me. I still avoided him he said hello, he said good bye, he left the office and came back. I still ignored him. Had tears in my eyes, but felt it’s what I needed to do for myself as it became clear to me how much I really loved him. I wanted to run outside into the parking lot and hold him.
When he came home for good, I became the runner again. He followed me and cornered me at a colleague’s desk. I was trapped. Was forced to look at him and be polite, so I said “hi” he said “hi” and we just kept staring into each other’s eyes. Another colleague had to break the ice. After this I quickly realized I had to keep my distance as the intensity of our relationship was unfolding in the public eye.
For the first time in nearly the three years of doing the dance, I have accepted his invitation for a meeting. We’ve never talked outside of work, and he made it clear that this meeting will not be about work. We will be addressing this situation for what it is ( I think). This could all be in my head, or it could be a reality. Either way, it has been something that has healed me, and allowed me to grow spiritually. More to come…
Just to be clear about the above message, the intention is to address the spiritual connection, not to ruin marriages. To address the growth and understanding that has made us better people. There is a line that we don’t cross and the point is to acknowledge that what is happening is really happening – it might not be, and I will be fine with that too. We are both committed to our marriages and if it means I switch jobs as a result of this union and cut him off, then I will, and if we are truly TFs we will find our way back to each other after our time here on earth, if it is part of God’s plan.
I want to know, how do I communicate with my twin flame telepathically in all ways? My twin flame is always sad and I have a feeling that he misses me and loves me more than I do. I want him to heal, so that we can both come in reunion. I don’t talk to him, since now, he is the runner, and he is clearly misunderstanding me. And whenever he misunderstands me, he gets really angry at me, and I can feel it. How do I help him heal?
Why do you feel that he want to be helped? You help someone if they ask for help. Otherwise you let them walk the path they choose. The only person you have control over is you. And the best you can do in this situation is let him work on his issues on his time. In a meanwhile you work on yourself. If there is a need to control someone’s decision making I would look inside. And the other tool I found helpful was taking time to right down what I wanted to experience in my relationship and what I would never accept. Be as clear as you can. And let others do their own lives
Lora – Excellent answer to Sarah’s question! All of my experiences would have me answering Sarah with the same points you brought up.
I met my twin flame in high school, he spoke to me like he knew me from the beginning. But I spent all of my time running from him, at the time I felt that being in a relationship with him would have been sinful. I can see now that it wouldnt have. He was the one that I always wanted but wouldn’t allow myself to have. After we graduated, I married someone else and forgot about him for a while… But I started having dreams about him, night after night, and I knew I had something to learn from him. It took me years to be able to talk about him to my husband – but once I finally did, I was able to see that I still loved him and that was OK, I love my husband too but I will always love my twin flame. Even after years of not seeing each other, I have been able to use what I have learned from him to become a more whole person. Without having known him, there are things about myself that I wouldn’t have been able to discover. It took me looking honestly at how our relationship went way back then, why I pushed him away as hard as I did, and why he was seeking me out in my dreams. I’ve had other relationships in the past, but none were like the relationship I had – or didn’t have – with him.
So your twin flame might not be the person you end up spending your life with. I still miss him and think about him every day, but I love my husband and I have to respect the decisions that my less soulfully mature younger self made. I get the feeling that we may be a part of one another’s lives again one day… And until that day comes, I am content with loving my husband for who he is and with loving my twin flame for who he was to me, and everything he has taught me. Being your life partner isn’t necessarily a twin flame’s purpose… Teaching you how to be your truest self is.
And part of the problem was that we seemed so wrong for one another – I was day and he was night, I was calm and calculated and completely in control of myself and my emotions (or so it seemed at the time) and he was emotionally out there, so to speak, prey to any blowing wind that might topple him over. I couldn’t see that we would have balanced each other so well – yin and yang is the perfect way to describe it. I guess I was scared of emotional co-dependance, so maybe it just wasn’t the right time. I needed to learn from him by not being with him before I could be the type of person who could be with him.
Same