Let me start with the facts: I used to be really into the idea of twin flames.
In fact, I was so intrigued by the idea that not only did I write some of the most highly read articles on the internet about it, but I also created a 20,000+ member Facebook group on it, AND I co-wrote an entire book about it that accumulated over one hundred 4.5 star reviews on Amazon.
Someone the other week even commented that I was “you know, the twin flame authority on the internet,” for which I immediately cringed because that’s certainly not what I want to be known for (but Mindful Shadow Work or the Spiritual Awakening Process? Yes please).
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Having started my romantic relationship before the whole twin flame craze back on the 11th of November 2011 (yeah, I know, 11.11.11, one of many “twin flame numbers”), on some level, it once felt like destiny for me to write about twin flames. Love, after all, has been such a transformative catalyst for me that I wanted to share my journey with others.
But very rapidly, I started to realize that not only did I have no passion for continuing down the twin flame road, but the path actually nauseated me, and I began seeing more and more how the idea could be toxic and easily misused.
While I attempted to provide some kind of grounded and psychospiritual understanding of this twin flame concept in the book I authored, the message just didn’t get through. Instead, I would witness over and over again how such an idea could be used to justify narcissistic, codependent, and otherwise toxic relationships.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
You can’t build a stable foundation upon an idea propagated by the new age movement that is defined by push-and-pull psychodrama dynamics, so I’ve had to let it go – and all the many hours of work I’ve put into it through the years.
Needless to say, I’ve since taken this entirely off my plate, handed the twin flame Facebook group over to someone else, redirected all the articles on this website about twin flames, and unpublished the twin flames book.
As someone who takes pride in their work and wants it to be as helpful and healing as possible, this has been a big personal blow and a true lesson in humility for me.
In this totally rewritten and revamped article, I’m going to explain firstly what is a twin flame (as I once understood it) and why I feel like the twin flame idea can be more harmful than helpful. Buckle up.
Table of contents
- What is a Twin Flame?
- 21 Twin Flame Signs
- 7 Reasons Why the “Twin Flames” Idea Can Be Toxic and Disempowering, aka., Why I Abandoned the Notion
- 1. The notion that your twin flame completes you or is the “other half of your soul” is anxiety-provoking and disempowering
- 2. The idea of having a “twin flame” can cause people to stay in relationships that are unhealthy and blatantly toxic
- 3. The “runner and chaser” twin flame dynamic can lead to people feeling obligated to deal with bad behavior and trapped in abusive relationships
- 4. The belief that having a twin flame will solve all your problems is a lie
- 5. The twin flame idea has caused many people to abandon their healthy and functional relationships in favor of an illusory ideal
- 6. The twin flame notion misses the whole point of spiritual partnerships
- 7. There are scam artists and sharks who smell the blood of emotional vulnerability in the water and are using it to their benefit
- What Term I Use Now
- Final Words
What is a Twin Flame?
Here’s the original definition I shared in the chapter I wrote on twin flames in the twin flame book that I’ve since unpublished:
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Your twin flame, or twin soul, is a person with whom you are destined to feel connected on a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level. A twin flame is a person who’s your friend, lover, and teacher in this life.
21 Twin Flame Signs
Some signs of a twin flame that I later shared in the book were the following:
- You feel a strange, inexplicable sense of “recognition” when you meet the person.
- You have a feeling that they are going to play a crucial role in your own development.
- You’ve established an immediate, intense connection.
- You feel as though you’ve finally found a “home” or safe place with the other person.
- You can be your authentic self.
- You both embody the yin and yang.
- You feel a sense of expansion with them, as though you are larger than your limited identity.
- They make you a better person, and you make them a better person.
- When together, you are both bonded but free, attached but unattached.
- You are finely tuned to their energy, and they are finely tuned to yours.
- You feel as though you have been waiting for this person your entire life.
- You both connect deeply and mirror each other’s values and aspirations for life.
- Your twin flame is a mirror of what you fear and simultaneously desire the most for your own inner healing.
- Your childhoods were polar opposites.
- One of you is more spiritually mature than the other and often serves as the teacher, counselor, or confidant within the relationship.
- You are taught important life lessons such as forgiveness, gratitude, empathy, and open-mindedness by them and alongside them.
- Your connection is multi-faceted (they are your best friend, lover, teacher, and muse all at once).
- The most growth you’ve ever experienced has been with them.
- Your twin flame doesn’t try to change you. They accept you for who you are and what stage you’re at and encourage you to do the same for yourself (and vice versa).
- You can be truthful with each other about anything.
- Together, you both feel driven towards a higher purpose.
Now, most of these signs seem pretty innocent, right?
The problem with the twin flame idea is not so much the signs (although depending on the voice behind detailing them, it can be a problem) but how the concept is applied to everyday life.
7 Reasons Why the “Twin Flames” Idea Can Be Toxic and Disempowering, aka., Why I Abandoned the Notion
Now, here’s the thing: if you love and have found benefit in the idea of having a twin flame, that’s wonderful. You do you. I’m not here to try to change your mind because I trust in your ability to make the right decisions for your own life.
Hopefully, something I wrote about this topic in the past helped you, and I wish you all the best in your relationship with yourself and your partner moving forward.
But personally, as hard as I tried to make the twin flame idea work for me, and as much as I tried to make it a viable, down-to-earth reality, it became increasingly obvious through the years that I had to extricate myself from it completely.
Here are seven reasons why the twin flame idea can be toxic and disempowering and why I’ve decided to move on from the notion altogether:
1. The notion that your twin flame completes you or is the “other half of your soul” is anxiety-provoking and disempowering
Firstly, can you imagine how humungous a burden it is to place on someone else’s shoulders the responsibility of “completing” you or even being the “other half” of your literal soul? That’s an immediate recipe for dysfunction and horrific codependency in my book.
The twin flame notion is an anxiety-provoking idea that disempowers us because it makes our wholeness entirely dependent upon someone else and what they do or don’t do. Can you see how messed up that is?
Besides, it is my deep experience and realization that the Soul is innately whole and complete; it’s just the fragmented mind that believes otherwise. As such, how can someone else be the “other half” of your Soul?
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We need to question our spiritual beliefs carefully because they can be the difference between mental peace and psychological torture.
2. The idea of having a “twin flame” can cause people to stay in relationships that are unhealthy and blatantly toxic
Hearing from a friend of mine that the twin flame idea caused her to stay in a toxic relationship long past its expiry date because she believed “he was her twin flame” made me want to scream and cry at the same time.
The reality is that I’ve seen this happen a lot, particularly on the twin flame Facebook group I used to be an admin of for about five years. There were so many people in that group claiming to have twin flames, but when they described their connections, they were clearly one-sided or else utterly toxic and harmful.
When we get into our minds the idea that someone is our twin flame due to confirmation bias, it can be an extremely hard belief to shake. After all, it makes us feel special and shrouds our relationships in a kind of holy glow that we’re less likely to want to give up.
3. The “runner and chaser” twin flame dynamic can lead to people feeling obligated to deal with bad behavior and trapped in abusive relationships
The push and pull experience in relationships is common, aka., things are normal, we get into an argument, then we make up. Fairly typical, right?
The issue with the idea of twin flame relationships is that they’re largely defined by something known as a “runner and chaser” stage, where one person is pulling away from the relationship, and then the other is pursuing that person and trying to bring them back. Perhaps things work out for a while, and then again, the runner and chaser pattern happens.
Now, I have heard of people getting into some pretty blatantly abusive relationships and yet saying things like, “Oh, she totally ghosted me and pretends I don’t exist: we’re in the runner and chaser stage,” or “he’s behaving in such a controlling way because he’s the chaser and I’m the runner.”
In psychology, this push and pull dynamic is known as the Cycle of Abuse where tension builds, there’s an incident of abuse, reconciliation occurs, and then a period of calm before the cycle starts again.
So what abuse do people tend to justify in twin flame relationships? Some of these abusive tactics can involve things like:
- Being overly controlling (restricting what you do, who you see, where you go)
- Shaming and blaming you
- Criticizing and putting you down
- Guilt tripping or emotionally blackmailing you
- Humiliating you in front of others
- Controlling your finances
- Displaying extremely possessive or jealous behavior
- Ridiculing and dismissing you
- Accusing you of unfaithfulness
- Neglecting you (e.g., emotional withholding, silent treatment)
- Spying on or monitoring you
- Gaslighting and hoovering you
- Playing mind games with you
- Abandoning and ghosting you
You get the picture. What I’ve shared above is emotional and psychological abuse – but physical abuse can and does enter the picture as well.
All of the above abusive tactics, and more, have been suffered yet justified in the name of being in a “twin flame relationship.” But there’s a big difference between a healthy and satisfying relationship and one that is mentally, emotionally, or even physically toxic.
4. The belief that having a twin flame will solve all your problems is a lie
The notion of having a “harmonious twin flame union” that will provide you with utter peace, fulfillment, and unending joy sounds magical on the surface. But the reality is that we are all imperfect beings with flaws, annoying quirks, and traumas to work through.
We will inevitably feel a lack of peace, an absence of fulfillment, and other uncomfortable emotions at times, and that is totally normal. It’s part of being human, and we don’t need to pathologize and run away from it into a romantic fantasy.
The “happily ever after” and “eternal union” story is one of the best marketing gimmicks. But the honest truth is that we don’t know if our love will last forever. We don’t know if our relationships will be our “happily ever after,” even though we may desperately need and want them to be.
This doesn’t mean we become cynical and denounce love and relationships completely, but it does mean that we become more grounded and realistic. In my experience, the more realistic and down-to-earth we are in our relationships, the healthier and stronger they become.
5. The twin flame idea has caused many people to abandon their healthy and functional relationships in favor of an illusory ideal
This is one of the saddest parts of the twin flames nonsense. So many good, mutually respectful, and healthy relationships have ended because one person within the couple has found someone else who they believe is their “twin flame” – and therefore, they feel the need to abandon their current relationship in favor of their ideal one.
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Positioning the supposed “twin flame relationship” above other relationships as superior is harmful, toxic, and life-destroying for many people.
Imagine this: everything was harmonious in Jane and Bob’s relationship until one day, Bob discovered the twin flame idea, and BOOM. Now, Bob is no longer happy because his relationship doesn’t meet his fantasy spiritual ideal. He realizes that the crush he has at work on the receptionist must be his “true twin flame” because they have such a “fiery spark” – and so he abandons his wife in pursuit of this newer, more ideal twin flame relationship that will apparently fulfill his every need, make him whole and complete, and give him eternal happiness.
It sounds crazy, but this shit actually happens. And it breaks my heart.
6. The twin flame notion misses the whole point of spiritual partnerships
As Antoine de Saint-Exupery once wrote,
Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
The twin flame idea promotes this kind of sickly preoccupation with the other person, what they’re doing, and how much happiness they’re bringing you – and whether they’re your “true” or “false” twin flame.
But this is all a distraction, in my opinion, as the point of a spiritual partnership isn’t to obsessively fixate on the other but to work towards making this world a better place.
Perhaps the twin flame notion is just a result of our hyper-individualistic narcissistic society that elevates the individual and their happiness above everything else. Perhaps that’s just a cynical observation.
Either way, the unhealthy preoccupation and obsession with another idealized person who is the “missing half of your soul,” to the exclusion of everything and everyone else, is self-absorbed and missing the point of love-centered spirituality.
7. There are scam artists and sharks who smell the blood of emotional vulnerability in the water and are using it to their benefit
As documentaries such as Escaping Twin Flames and Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe have come out, it has become increasingly clear that the twin flame idea has caused many to get sucked into disturbing and controlling cult-like groups.
Being raised in a fundamentalist religious cult-like environment, this is extremely disturbing to me and something that triggers feelings of anger and regret that I got into the whole twin flame thing in the first place (although, with self-compassion, I can understand why).
The highly emotional nature of the twin flame idea has led some scam artists who claim to be twin flames to charge huge amounts of money to access their services – I’m talking in the thousands of dollars range.
There is so much I could say about this, but I want to keep what I write simple and direct and encourage you to please exercise caution.
Paying thousands of dollars for courses and coaching packages that promise you to find your twin flame is not just ridiculous but, in my opinion, unethical to a criminal degree.
Keep your money and find someone who’s actually trained as a licensed relationship counselor – you’ll be much better off in the long run, financially, emotionally, and psychologically.
What Term I Use Now
As much as I dislike the twin flame label, I do appreciate the value and power of relationships as a spiritual catalyst. I have an article dedicated to the many soul ties we experience in relationships.
Since I’ve dropped using the “twin flame” term, I much prefer the term “spiritual relationship” or even just soul mate, as that feels more accessible and available to everyone, not just a select few who pay $7777 in a workshop to be matched with their “true twin flame” – or through divine cosmic intervention happen to find “the one.”
Final Words
If you’ve got this far, congratulations. I hope you feel more liberated from the twin flame idea by now – since dropping the label, I certainly have! And I’m never looking back.
Please be mindful and careful when navigating these murky waters.
Yes, there may be many well-intentioned, ethical people out there who talk about twin flames. But there are also many unethical and money-grabbing snakes out there ready to sink their teeth into the most desperate and lovesick among us, promising them fantasies and castles in the clouds.
Remember that twin flames won’t and don’t complete you. Your wholeness doesn’t depend on finding another person – this belief is a recipe for suffering, so let it go. True happiness and wholeness originate from within you.
You are the one you’ve been waiting for.
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My husband says he has found his twin flame.
Is there still space for me in his life?
I’m feeling very hurt ,left out and jealous.
Barbara, I recommend seeing a relationship counselor to get to the root of this issue. It’s hard to give advice without being there with you and hearing the details. Just because someone has supposedly found their twin flame, doesn’t mean the relationship they’re in is not worthy. If it’s true that he’s found his “twin flame,” then you might be his soulmate – the two are equally as important in a person’s life.
A couple of resources that might help:
Soulmates, Twin Flames and Kindred Spirits (Which Have You Met?)
Soul Mate Quiz – What Type of Soul Relationship Do You Have?
I hope that helps. <3 You deserve to be with a person who is 100% committed to you. I hope that is your husband.
Hello Barbara. First let me say, I am sorry for what you are going through. I know you must feeling heartbroken and betrayed. I would like to share my story with you.
I met my twin flame at work about 9 months ago. He’s a doctor and I work as his nurse. He is much older than me. When we met there was an instant bond and understanding. Everyone commented on how well we worked together and how we seemed to be able to know each others thoughts and next move. I had been single (and celibate)for 6 years at that time. By choice; I was focused on my spiritual growth, my career and my children. I began having dreams about him… (and I later found out he was also dreaming about me). The connection deepened though nothing romantic happened between us. I later found out that he was married, so I knew that nothing could ever happen. Four months into working there we flowed like water, yin and yang. I could not understand how I could be so drawn and connected to someone so fast. He told me one day that he believed we were soul mates. I brought up the notion of twin flames, a concept he had not previously been aware of. Fast forward to current day. We are so deeply connected, we have cried together, share life and childhood traumas. This is the most powerful connection either of us has ever experienced. He is still married to his wife and committed to her. I am still single. We are something that cannot be explained. It’s a soul/spirit connection. I say this to say….not all twin flame relationships have to be romantic. I know the idea that another person can have that connection with your spouse is hurtful. I am sorry you are experiencing this. Pray that you are able to find peace and comfort and happiness. Even though me and my TF are platonic, I cannot image how his wife would feel if she knew the depth or our connection. I dont know if this helps you… I just wanted to share…. My twin flame is married to another. I will never have the fullness of want we could be and at times its difficult but we have both gained so much from just knowing each other that it almost doesn’t matter.
feels like when you hug em thousands of little sparks flowing through the belly of your being up through your heart, like a big hug of little spark tickles. feels like you know, no one else feels the same even if you have chosen a separate life partner for the time. feels like deep love and respect for there intimate friend because they also love them, feels like the feels, with no traps ahead. feels like its going to take a team not 2 to complete our services to life
I met my twin flame just about 5 months ago. Before meeting him, I was in a slump. Was dating and forming relationships with those I felt the need to tame myself around. I always felt misunderstood by people in general. I have always felt like a lost soul or that I was meant to be single for the rest of my life. A week or so prior to meeting him, I began reading into the spiritual life. Bought a rose quartz necklace, hoping to attract love. One morning, while putting on the necklace, I asked the universe to please just let me meet someone who likes me for me. Just shortly to midnight, that very day, I met him.
The whole thing played out like a movie. We talked to the wee hours of the morning. It was like I found home. I could be completely myself, the dorky, corny, sarcastic, with a twisted sense of humor person, person I am. Two days later, we had our first date, and began seeing and talking more and more.
As one of us spoke, the other was already was thinking it. (Now keep in mind, I had no clue what this Twin Flame is or was). The gentleman I met, was very much into the spiritual world and knew about Twin Flames, ect. He shared with me a lot of information. He truly believed we were each other’s twin.
Me, I was in awe with the fact I met a person, that I could be myself around. Did it feel like I had known him, or met him before, definitely! And I would rack my brain trying to figure it out. But as time went on, I was opening up to the idea of him being my Twin Flame.
In the first few days of meeting him, I did something I had never done before. I laid out all my hangups (relationship hangups) to him. Back then, I didn’t know why I did that, but I do understand it now. As the relationship progressed, more and more similarities would come out. He would insist the Twin Flame thing. Me, I would wonder what his angle was…lol! I slowly became open to the idea.
But then it happened…. I cracked. A very old wound presented itself. It took a few months for it manifest into something that would eventually break us up. For decades, I never had this demon arise. It took me over like tsunami. I didn’t know what was happening, why I was acting like this, and could not believe I was hurting someone, that I am in love with.
As I said, we broke up. It’s been over 3 weeks now. He has yet to talk to me, and I have only given him even more reasons to not talk to me. I just cannot let him go. I cannot get him out of my head, my heart or my soul. It’s as if he burnt his impression into me (does that even make sense?).
I have never experienced this, or felt this way. So once I settled myself down, but not before completely destroying what we had, I began reading more into the Twin Flame. I now know, this amazing man, I met on June 22, 2019, is my Twin Flame.
I dont know if we are in the runner/chase stage, or surrender and dissolution stage. I am working on this wound. It will take some time. In the meantime, I feel lost. I stand outside , looking up at the stars and talking to him. Sometimes I feel he is doing the same. There are times I feel we are watching the same show and making the same sarcastic comment at the TV.
I am thankful to have met this man. That I am so grateful to have shared and experienced all we have. I will forever feel guilty for allowing this wound to control me, instead of talking to him, and not allowing myself to be more open spiritually, when we were together.
Thank you for your website. I read and reread it daily.
XO
My husband is my twin flame. When we met over 35 years ago. He was everything a twin flame could be. We finished each others sentences, thought the same thoughts. There was so much love and passion. Now, after retirement he has become a hypochondriac, constantly complains, feels compelled to tell everyone else what they should do, makes inappropriate comments and says he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do. His behavior has cost me family & friends. I believe he is deeply depressed but refuses to get help. I take walks on the beach, meditate, play golf and do everything I can to find peace. I guess I wonder if my twin flame has burned out
So many people heard about twin flames and assumes the one they are connected to are their twin flames. First i would like to say i lost my faith over soulmates and stuffs like that because for so many years i am stuck up with my cheater husband so i decided to just accept my faith and go with the flow. I don’t even have any idea that twin flame exist!.If you are having doubts if he/she is your twin flames then i think it’s not. Because on my part i never thought about it. There are even times when i brushed it off and told myself it was just an illusion and it’s not true that the guy i met online was my twin flame. But the universe has its way of telling you he/she is the one. The synchronicity is undeniable! The deja vu moment and the “Ahuh” moment not just the time when you met him/her but even in your past like it does leads you that he is the one. Like my first love name was the same as his name. I remember the feeling i had when i first met my first love. It was so intense i can hardly move and it’s hard to even breathe. I remember the moment and the way i feel and only his name not even his family name and for some odd reason i cannot even remember how exactly he looked like. LOL but even after 2 years i am longing to see him again but i never did. Even wrote his name on a piece of paper. And find out lately that the name of my twin flame has exactly the same name as my first love. If he/she is your twin flames there should be a whole LOT of things that tell you exactly why he/she is the one. And even if you force yourself to doubt it the universe will slap it back on your face and it may seem crazy sometimes but it is crazy! Like you will suddenly hear something on the radio that will remind you of him/her. And once you meet him/her. You will never stop thinking of them everyday because the universe always try to remind you everyday. Sadly though we’re on separation stage but for some reason even though i feel sad sometimes and still have fears i still feel deep within me that all i have to do was to wait.
I so agree w you! My first love had the same name as my twin. And my twins first love had the same name as me. He’s been in and out of my whole life and the signs are all there. We are in separation too and I feel the same as u do right now. Theres a million signs and the proof couldn’t be more clear! But there is really only one sure sign- YOU JUST KNOW!!!!
Hi, I just broke up with my twin flame, I´m from Toluca, close to Mexico city, have to say no one here knows about what a twin flame is, i did´t know about either. My twin is from Poland, we met last year, everything was serendipity, so many coincidences between us, even the year with got married with different person many years ago was the same year, our daughters have same age, and many stuff like that, when we used to do video conferences we were even wearing the same color t-shirt, lots of 11:11, sending the same words on messages at the same time, same music, etc etc etc.. I realized about our type of relation ship because one day, checking my pinterest account, popped out twin flames photo and description, it really called my attention, was everything we had. When we met, first thing that happened was eye contact, oh my was such an amazing experince! However this mirror thing drove us crazy, it is unbelievable!!! He has a sailboat and sometimes was very difficult for both to deal with the mirror for 24 hrs 7 days a week. I broke up with him 4 days ago, it feels horrible, thought we were gonna last forever, what was the point of meeting him if we´re not gonna last forever? Just to discolver flaws, work on them, and grow?? That´s unfair :(, so many years of being far, we finally met and now is over :(!! Wondering if there´s the possibility of being together again. I started googling twin flame sites and found this interesting.
I have been blessed to have found my twin flame and married him!
Sadly, after almost ten years of marriage and immense soul growth, we are now separated. For the past six months, we have been in the process of divorce. I am devastated and feel the pain of this separation like nothing I have ever experienced. So horribly intense was our break up, with friends and family telling me I’m better off without him due to the narcissistic abuse I suffered, that I now struggle with wondering if he could actually be my “false flame”.
So, I carefully read, re-read, and pondered every item on the list offered on this website:
1. You feel a strange, inexplicable sense of “recognition” when you meet the person. This might manifest itself as déjà vu, or an unshakable feeling that you’ve known this person before, or are somehow “meant to be together.”
YES! I could go on for hours about this one! Suffice it to say, I had dreams of what he looked like DECADES before I ever even met him in person. As soon as I saw his face, it literally took my breath away!
2. You have a feeling that they are going to play a very important role in your own development, without knowing when, why or how.
YES! I knew he was The One and this would be an extremely karmic connection.
3. You’ve established an immediate, intense connection with them that is invigorating and shocking at the same time. YES YES YES!
4. You feel as though you’ve finally found a “home” or safe place with the other person.
YES! The first time he hugged me, I burst into tears because it felt exactly like “coming home” and I had never had this experience EVER in my entire life.
5. You are able to be your authentic self – warts and all – without the fear of rejection, persecution or judgment with them.
YES! Sometimes this was challenging because we both had a core inner wound. Mine was fear of abandonment. His was fear of shame.
6. You both embody the yin and yang, in other words, your dark side is balanced by their light side, and their dark side is balanced by your light side.
You feel a sense of expansion with them, as though you are larger than your limited identity.
OMG YES! YES! YES! COMPLETELY & TOTALLY!
7. They make you a better person, and you make them a better person.
YES! While exchanging vows on our wedding day, my twin actually stated out loud that the reason he loved me was because I made him a better man!
8. When together you are both bonded but free, attached but unattached. In other words, you still maintain your freedom even though you might be in a relationship with them.
I AM NOT EXACTLY SURE if I understand this statement correctly, but I could be in the same room with him or many miles away and always felt the same close connection. We each did our own “thing” (hobbies and such) without jealousy of the other.
9. You are finely tuned to their energy, and they are finely tuned to yours. This means that you are both very conscious of the present play of energy (whether happy or sad, angry or forgiving, open or withholding) present in the connection. You’re both therefore highly empathic with each other.
YES, YES, YES!
10. You feel as though you have been waiting for this person your entire life.
You both connect deeply and mirror each other’s values and aspirations for life beyond surface similarities.
YES, YES! I will be forever grateful for finding the true Love of my Life!
11. Your twin flame is a mirror of what you fear and simultaneously desire the most for your own inner healing. For example, if you are a highly-strung person, your twin flame will most likely be relaxed and messy. If you like to play the victim, your twin flame will be a strong character who refuses to give you pity or sympathy to perpetuate your complex. If you are creatively repressed, your twin flame will be a flourishing artist. In this way, our twin flames challenge and infuriate us but also teach us important lessons about our fears, core wounds, and repressions.
YES, YES, YES!
12. Your childhoods were polar opposite. You were raised in very different ways, which led to the development of opposite childhood wounds that you now have the opportunity to mend.
YES! He was born and raised in the Bronx, New York City. I was a country girl raised next door to a dairy farm!
13. One of you is more soulfully mature than the other and often serves as the teacher, counselor or confidant within the relationship.
You are taught important life lessons such as forgiveness, gratitude, empathy, and open-mindedness by them and with them.
The most growth you’ve ever experienced has been with them.
No other friendship or relationship has transformed you as deeply as this one has.
ABSOLUTELY!
Your connection is multi-faceted. In other words, your twin flame is likely your best friend, lover, teacher, nurturer, and muse all at once. YES, these were all true. Super strong physical connection that made us both “addicted to each other”!
YES, YES, YES, and more YES! My twin readily admitted to being the more spiritually immature “half” and this might have contributed to his running away.
14. Your twin flame doesn’t try to change you. They accept you for who you are and what stage you’re at and encourage you to do the same for yourself (and vice versa).
YES –for the most part, we accepted each other unconditionally but I am guilty of having been too enthusiastic about trying to help him spiritually evolve and ascend.
15. You can be truthful with each other about anything.
YES, unless it had to do with shame. My twin could not bear feeling shame about anything, so he would not be truthful if the truth threatened to produce feelings of shame or embarrassment.
16. Together, you both feel driven towards a higher purpose, whether spiritually, socially or ecologically.
YES! We both worked together as NAMI instructors, raised therapy dogs together, were aspiring beekeepers, and both enjoyed sharing hospitality with friends and family.
With so many positive responses, how can it be that we are now separated and on the path to divorce? (This is a rhetorical question because I know the answer. My beloved twin flame also has NPD and Autism with a narcissistic 3-D Ego in need of constant, daily validation. We are definitely twin opposites–he is a narcissist and I am an empath.)
Could it be that he is my “false twin flame”?
There are many signs of a true twinflame. But one is all you need – YOU JUST KNOW!!
I’m starting to think someone in my life is my twin flame. We had crossed path once for like 2mins at uni and I tried (using my stalking skills) to find him on social media, but to no avail, and a few months later we finally met each other at a concert, and became quite inseparable & close ridiculously, probably faster than what I’d allow and had expected. I considered him my best friend but he was also my colleague, for we worked on music together (we recorded an album, made our own arrangements, put on concerts together), and he inspired many songs in me (which he might even record for me, lol). We have many similarities and I swear I can sense what he’s feeling & thinking sometimes, and he can sense mine too … unfortunately last year, after 2.5yrs of amazing friendship & more (though he could never commit to a relationship), we had a massive blow up and did not communicate for a year. We’ve only started to patch things up again but omg, time has changed absolutely nothing. I feel so peaceful & comfortable around him, we can spend hours together and it feels like minutes, and annoyingly strong attraction which makes it near impossible to keep boundaries!!!!! I really don’t know what’s going to come out of this.
Thank you. I am at my wits end in an endless, timeless phase of subconscious/intentional/mindless/chaotic testing between my twin flame and I. So deeply perplexed by the annoyingly relevant/ proportional/ yin yang of mirror and contradiction and undeniable mind $%^^%$ing beauty in every aspect I could think possible. Although we were both aware of our dynamic within a week of meeting, it is much more that keeps us pushing through. I tell you this because we have now both had countless moments of such intensity where every value, fear, love, ‘experience’, trauma, shadow, light we have ever been blessed to know crumbles into frustration far beyond my previous concept of pain. We both know better… so many instances of causing one another to feel this way? We both had somewhat of an understanding of twin flames prior to this. Surely the seemingly endless synchronicities were miss direction and a genuine twin flame reunion does not cause this much suffering. Yet still we endure. It has become seemingly dangerous and I feel we can amicably and mindfully take leave, until we are ready, thanks to you. Looking forward to sharing my experience with you as it becomes clearer. For now, thank you with all of my heart. Your words have helped us immensely.
-Tim
I believe I have come across mine. Scared her away as well so she is running. I was at the end of my marriage, we kept it open at the time to see if that would help things. I got involved with my flame and sparks flew in the form of a connection with someone on so deep of a level that I had never thought possible before.
We work together and see each other for a moment or two a day and in some ways that makes it harder watching her run and find all of the reasons not to peruse things to the point where she got into a relationship with someone else. I know I have a lot of healing to do, she opened my eyes to that without a doubt and I will say that she was the catalyst to a lot of changes that I have made and I am still making in my own self growth. Doesn’t make it any easier, but I’ve had to back off completely and watch from a distance trying to trust in the connection. First to make sure it is what I believe it to be and not me being obsessed, and secondly to focus on healing myself to ensure that I am ready if it ever comes back to me.
Thank you for the enlightening and thought provoking article.
Jw if your name happens to be Mark? Or is it Mr. K? Only asking because you look just like someone I used to work with. Haha no worries if you are him, I mind my own business -a