Traditionally, the media has been known to equate loners with mentally ill psychotics who go on murderous rampages.
And while, yes, sure, there are some disturbed ‘loners’ out there, the reality is that …
most loners are totally normal people!
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If you find yourself alone and without friends or family to rely on, I want to assure you that you’re actually in good company.
In the age of social media, global pandemics, and increasing disconnection, being a loner is becoming more common.
But there is a deeper meaning behind this solitude.
And I’ll explore that in this post.
Table of contents
9 Signs You’re a Loner
Being a loner sounds self-explanatory. But for clarity sake, here’s a list of signs that you’re a loner:
- You enjoy spending time alone more than with other people.
- You can’t connect with (or don’t have any) family members.
- You can’t connect with (or don’t have any) friends.
- You’re introspective and tend to be an introvert.
- You like to take life slowly, and the world can feel overwhelming.
- You’re a free spirit who loves independence.
- You tend to have interesting quirks.
- You have the strong desire to walk your own path as a lone wolf.
- You’re the black sheep of the family.
We also have a loner test that you can take if you’re still unsure.
Myths About Loners
Here are some common myths about loners:
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- “Loners hate people”
- “All loners lack social skills”
- “Loners are secretly plotting your death”
- “Loners are lonely people”
- “Loners are creepy”
- “Loners are all mentally ill”
Sure, while some loners might possess some of these qualities, these are not blanket statements or truths that apply to all loners.
Why Being a Loner Can Be Empowering
It’s true that as a species, we require some level of social connectedness.
Don’t worry, that will come with time!
Sometimes we’re in a space in life where we just need to retreat from the world. We need to process our thoughts and feelings, and figure out our ‘true north.’
So to counteract the previous section (those myths are widely spread and can make lonesome people feel horrible), here are some ways being a loner actually helps you:
- Being a loner helps you to develop more self-awareness
- Being a loner supports you in finding the meaning of life
- Being a loner helps you to recover from social overwhelm
- Being a loner gives you space and perspective
- Being a loner helps you to figure out your passions and interests
- Being a loner helps you to develop more independence and self-reliance
- Being a loner makes you a deeper and more interesting person
- Being a loner helps you to find your self-worth within
Can you think of any more ways that being a loner is empowering? Share in the comments!
The Deeper Meaning Behind Being a Loner
There’s a reason why this website is called ‘lonerwolf’ – it has a deeper meaning that is directly related to being a loner. And that is …
At some point in life, we must all leave the herd and find our own paths.
We must become lone wolves.
We must listen to the calling to reconnect with our Souls.
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The world can be a busy, overwhelming, pressuring, and confusing place. For those who feel a deeper spiritual calling emerge within their being, solitude is natural and needed.
In many cases, loners are empaths and old souls who are on the soul searching path. Being alone is, quite simply, a crucial part of their life path.
So in a nutshell, that is the deeper meaning behind being a loner: it’s a sign that you’re on the spiritual journey and you need the space to figure out who you are and what you want out of life.
***
If you’d like to read more about inner growth, walking your own path, and spiritual evolution, keep digging into this website. There are so many free resources and guides for you to benefit from. One related article you might enjoy is our introvert article.
Tell me, why are you a loner? What is the deeper meaning for you?
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Interesting website, maybe I’ll actually be able to meet others of my species here…
I’ve been an introvert all my life and, thanks to extroverts and their kind, have nearly been destroyed… From the lowest grades up to the present, I was a magnet for bullies who mentally and physically abused me to no end…
My mother always told me that it was My Fault because I wasn’t outgoing, friendly, and sociable so I basically Deserved it… The bullies always got away with it scot-free because they backed one another up… In high school they kept coming at me and those wonderfully brilliant teachers said I was to blame and forced my parents to take me to shrinks–and Pay Them out of their Own pocket! By the time I graduated from high school, I was more or less convinced I was Mental or something… Then onto the various jobs I had where I was basically used, lied to, manipulated, and became the pawns of sociopathic narcissists… Promotions passed right by me, ass-kissers prevailed, my ideas and solutions were stolen by others, I was the lowest-paid..
And the Stories they started about me behind my back and in whispers!
This guy’s Mental, This guy’s Gay, This guy’s a Serial Killer!!!
“Stay away from him, don’t trust him–but Watch Him!”
I’ve a high I.Q., am an intellectual (among a-holes), an avid reader, a science and science fiction fan… And the biggie (which makes it a double-whammy): I’m an Atheist… When certain low-lives discover this second aspect about me, they’re convinced I’m no good… I lost my last and final job this way…
I hope so JTD! Thank you for sharing your story here. An introvert and an Athiest … wow … you’re pretty much America’s no.1 hating-bait (I hope you don’t live in America). Sounds as though your temperament would suit a more European environment (think Finland, the Czech Republic and Sweden: https://lonerwolf.com/most-introverted-countries-in-the-world/) It’s a pity that people torment and ostracize that which they don’t understand. It’s a primitive mindset, one that convinces me that we really did evolve from chimpanzees. One of the most amazing things I learnt when leaving the world of high school and university was that in essence: people don’t really change that much. Until our current society embraces the need to undergo an Involutionary journey of self-awareness, self-study and self-knowledge, they will never be able to create lives of harmony for themselves, or lives of harmony for others. Until then, I like to think of the short-sighted, discriminative people around me as children in essence: childish mindsets, childish behaviors, childish decisions. As such, I find it more productive to approach them with patience (something I’m still working on!)
Thanks once again for commenting and reading. -L
First, I am an introvert and an Atheist (AthEIST). Second, I live in the US. Third, I get along fine here and people (usually) accept me for who I am. Fourth, it does not matter where you go there are people who view loners as outsiders. I have been to those countries you listed, and ironically, yes the people there would think of you as weird if you are always alone. It is ironic that people bash on the US because they’re not accepted by society – they think it is because they are a introvert. This is false, there are various reasons. As an introvert people left me alone, some even tried to become friends with me. I have had my fair share of arguments with religious people, but not enough to bother me incredibly. It gets excessively annoying that people blame their failures with society on the country they’re living in or the religious group around them. I for one am a rarity, but still get along just fine. And I know others like me that also get along just fine. The ones complaining and blaming things on America, Canada, or whatever country they live in, usually are the ones who purposely make things worse for themselves and purposely make their behavior noticeable.
I love the fact that I’m a loner in university. My university is a party university with Fridays off and of course Saturdays and Sundays off as well. I have always been a loner and will always will be because of that I’m very independent, moving to a new country where everything is different this became beneficial. I see so many people that I knew as the quiet decent types did a 360 change because their self esteem was weak and now are into heavy drinking and doing drugs as well. I look at these people and I don’t even recognize them. seriously I’ve only been here for four months and I don’t have any friends (I have acquaintances and got people phone number and contact details but I’m not interested in them). People might question why I’m in this way but I love myself just the way I am. but I have to admit university can change a person if you aren’t strong enough.
It’s a really sad thing to witness. I’ve witnessed it as well … how susceptible many people are to drugs and alcohol just to “mix in” with the crowd, and patch up their insecurities with the illusion that they’re being cool and “normal”. To be comfortable with our aloneness, and to be comfortable with ourselves by ourselves, is one of the greatest strengths a person can have. To me, this is why solitude (and being a loner) is so important, because we learn so much, and become so strong when we choose to embrace being by ourselves. Yet being a loner is something so abhorred, something so abnormal in society that it’s shunned, when in reality, it should be applauded.
Mamawack, I’m so happy that your character is strong enough to make peace with your solitary self, even though everyone around you is doing to opposite. My very best wishes
~Luna
I’m tired of being a loner. I just wish that I could get through it.
Whether there are also some advantages of being a loner, I still don’t
want to be one. I have to be realistic and true to myself that I really
don’t want to be like this. Ever. Sometimes I really weep in great
sorrow. There are a lot of limitations of being a loner. If ever I got a
lot of money, I would pay almost a million dollars just to get through
it. Seriously. Sorry if I ever said something unpleasing. I just want to release what I really feel.
Bummie, thanks for sharing how you feel. There seems to be two types of loner from what I have observed: circumstantial loners and preferential loners. Circumstantial loners are those people, who like you, find themselves alone and isolated, yet never chose that. No wonder you feel depressed: you never chose to be alone. Those who choose to be alone, the preferential loners, thrive in their solitude. It’s the very lifeblood of their existence. My suggestion is that you need to reach out to a support group if you feel sad. It’s obvious that you were not destined to be a loner, which is fine, most people aren’t. Thanks for reading.
I’m tired of being a loner. I just wish that I could get through it. Whether there are also some advantages of being a loner, I still don’t want to be one. I have to be realistic and true to myself that I really don’t want to be like this. Ever. Sometimes I really weep in great sorrow. There are a lot of limitations of being a loner. If ever I got a lot of money, I would pay almost a million dollars just to get through it. Seriously.
i think we are disliked for intimidating the loud with quietness. disliked for showing them that we are secured with ourselves and don’t need their presence to be happy in our little world. if only people of all personality types learn to respect’s differences, our world, would be more a happy place to live in =)
Hi Pipsky. Interesting statements – quietness to me seems to work in two ways … on one hand we can be overlooked and trampled on for possessing it, and on the other our quietness can serves as an (ironically) loud and intimidating statement to those who don’t possess it. Quietness can show people that we are either self insecure (as in the case of shyness), or self secure. It only depends on why exactly we are quiet. I like that you use “quiet” instead of “loner” – it’s a pity that word has such deep-rooted negative connotations. But I guess the benefit of being idealists is that we can dream of how happy the world would be if all differences and all their titles were embraced. Guess that’s why they say I’m off with the fairies most of the time …
Thanks for commenting :)
Glad to have stumbled upon lonerwolf.com
Great reply to Kimberly. Yes, the solution is to separate oneself from the game.
I would like to add an additional perspective. Being a Christian, communion and communication with God and meditating on the words and the people of the bible allow me to be connected to people by understanding how valuable everyone truly is no matter how different and to realize that God loves me inspite of myself and especially inspite of what others think of my lonely lifestyle.
Unfortunately, even churches over emphasize community to the point of suggesting that one is selfish if one doesn’t get involved in community events. They way I like to contribute is by giving financially, helping to clean up after an event, pray at prayer meetings, but not necessarily attending social functions or being face to face with the needy. Being around too many people make me uncomfortable and often annoyed. I know God understands that.
I still struggle at times with the discomfort of knowing that others view me as a bit strange, but quickly get over it as I remember that these people do not determine my eternity, let alone provide even for the very necessary temporal needs of our existence.
I’m glad you stumbled across it as well Eagle Eye :)
Your comment reminds me of my time as in a Christian church. Being part of that collective was reason enough for me to feel even more of a loner and an outsider than the agnostic or atheist loner… people considered my behavior and outlooks strange, because they were so “God” orientated. Once I left that religion for various reasons, I realized that even though I was still a loner by nature, I felt MORE connected to people.
Religion to me is just another game. It feeds off fear of the unknown (death, the afterlife, and God) – and provides the antidote to the very sickness it causes. It was hard for me to see that while I was deeply ensnared by the beliefs and practices of that religion, but with a little bit of thought I realized the great rift religion creates in peoples lives. This is just what I mentioned in the article about Social Collectives – while religions unite people, they tear people apart as well. In that religion I personally felt like a loner because I had the biblical ideas of “these are the holy, righteous, believers” and “these are the outside, wordly unbelievers” ingrained in me. Can you imagine how lonely that would make you feel? It sounds like you can. If you are religious and consider yourself a loner, it’s most likely that you actually feel ALONE, because of the dividing nature of your beliefs.
I did the same thing as you – I tried to connect to people and understand them by trying to commune with God and read an ancient, transliterated text. But it doesn’t work. If you want to truly appreciate people, don’t look through the eyes of religion. Isn’t it ironic that the biblical ideas state that ‘everyone is a creation of God and should be valued’ and then goes to talk about how many people have been annihilated and wiped off the face of the earth, not to mention promised the penalty of hell for being ‘heathen unbelievers’, for all eternity?
Thanks for your perspective, I’ve offered a bit of mine from my own experience.
Hi luna,
I don’t know if you’ll receive this via an e-mail reply but …
Thank you for writing back. I agree with you, religion kills. Jesus never intended for people to be in bondage under the human wisdom of a few self proclaimed “leaders”. The way most churches organize today would make Jesus skin crawl. He died to set us free not only from the powers of darkness that oppress us but also from human oppressors who prey upon people for gain, either monitary or fame.
When the paul and the apostles walked the earth, they did not refer to being followers of Jesus as Christianity, the simply referred to following “the way”, it was just a way for them to say we agree with Jesus and believe this is the way to live. In his writings, Paul and the others encourage us to be lead by his holy spirit, not other men. We are only to immitate men when their works prove to have “good fruit”, in other words, result in good and not evil.
I became a Christian because I had a powerful encounter with Jesus. I came from a background deeply rooted in witchcraft, neglect and abuse that left me mentally ill, not enough to be committed, but just enough to make relationships virtually impossible and my inner life tormentous. I looked out my window one day and I said, “If You’re real, I’ll do things Your wasy, I can’t take it anymore”.
In the following months, through several divine signs and appointments I met a couple who was leading a Bible study and they began to teach me. The night I repented of my sins and asked Jesus to take over my life, I could not utter Jesus’ name, the demons that had a hold of my life literallly suppressed the words from coming out of my mouth. The people that were in the meeting with me prayed and I fell backwards onto their couch under some kind of power and felt immediately released from a weight on my chest. I felt like an absoulute idiot & was so embarrassed that I wanted to run out of there. I thought that these people were weird and thaty maybe they did something to me. But that was only in my mind. In my innermost being I felt a peace I NEVER KNEW BEFORE. I stayed because the tears were streaming down my face from the release from all those years of pain and bondage.
Within weeks I was healed from the depression I felt since I was a child. I remember wanting to kill myself since I was 11 years old. Also within weeks I had no desire to drink, which I did plenty of back then and a couple of months later, i quit smoking.
It has been a difficult journey getting fully released from all the junk from my past, so eventhough people do not honor God with their actions, my faith is in Jesus, not them. I can sit in church and walk away after a few hours and not throw the baby out with the bath water. Through the spirit of God I discern what is God is saying and what is coming from the human spirit. Even when I’m wrong, it doesn’t matter. That’s what God’s grace is for. Romans 5:9 says: Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. That’s the whole message of the New Testament: HE’S NOT ANGRY ANYMORE!!!
You sound like such a compassionate & deep person. I would recommend a book by a man named Jeremy Lopez called “The Power of the Eternal Now”. There is no “Christianese” or any other little cliches from churchianity to turn you off. By the way, many times those that are shunned in churches today are the ones who are “God oriented” so the ones in charge feel threatened and make them feel like there is something wrong with them, or that they are rebellious, etc. You’re right, religion unites people to tear them apart collectively. I would just like to remind you what Jesus said about satan, “He comes to steal, kill and destroy”. How much better to get people together under the guise of Christlikeness and slowly kill them through lies, oppression and discouragement. The bible also says” We are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12). These forces use people that are greedy for recognition, power and money to hurt those seeking God and the good He promises in the Bible. It’s important to 1. Know the bible. 2. Have a relationship with God through the Holy Spirit ( so we can discern lies and evil forces) and 3. Live the bible. knowing it does nothing for us except make us proud.
Don’t stop sharing your perspective and continue to reach out to others.
Thank you
I always wonder why others are so obsessed with “why don’t you go out and socialize?” I usually retort “Because I am against socialism!” It elicits a laugh, but confirms their idea that I am simply a social butterfly who has “lost her wings” and desperately wants to re-join the fold. Those who are different must be odd, or damaged, and “repaired” so that they are like everybody else. Conform or die.
I don’t want to “re-join” the fold. I was in it briefly when I was in grade school, and then I moved on. I became self-reliant, self-dependent, and refuse to be so desperate that my self-worth is completely dependent on how “popular” I am: how many parties I attend, how many facebook “friends” I have. It seems unbelievably shallow to think that the quantity of relationships equals a quality of life. However, I don’t go around creating psychological profiles demeaning their lifestyle choice of social dependency: why is it necessary that they do so for me?
I am not a recluse – I do move within society, albeit mostly from the fringes. I do allow some people in my life, but I am very selective. I prefer substance over style, and for the most part those who I call friend are of the same ilk. I just wish that those who are “socially dependent” on others to validate their existence would give me the freedom and space to enjoy my own type of “non-socialism.”
Nice wit Kimberly :) It’s important to become self-reliant, and self-dependent. Just like wearing makeup to feel that you’re beautiful, so does relying on the opinions of others trick you – they both fluctuate, they both tempt you to think you must rely on them, and they’re both the norm in society.
Interestingly you say that you wish the socially dependent people would GIVE you the space and freedom to enjoy. I don’t think it’s for others to give, because once you let others have the power over you to give you freedom or happiness or some other emotion, they have complete control over you. So perhaps you aren’t conforming to society as you point out, but you may still be depending on others for your peace and happiness.
To me this is similar to say, anger. If I’m angry at someone, they have control over me. They can do something or say something that will cause me to react. They can push my buttons and trigger a bomb in me. They still have the power over me, and I’m completely tied around their finger.
Sure, it’s hard to ignore the way society treats those who are ‘different’, but rebelling isn’t a sign of freedom or independence, it’s simply a reaction to me. You’re still part of the game. You still give too much importance to that game as well. So to me the solution is to completely separate yourself from that game, to see how irrelevant it is, and to no longer give it any attention. After that occurs, then you can fly solo and be the master of your own freedom.
Thanks for commenting.
I think there is beauty to be found in being alone. It is much different then from being lonely. When you are lonely you ache and long to have that connection or intimacy with another person or being. You crave being in a social environment and that people will understand you and accept you for who you are. When you are alone and you can find peace and contentment within yourself, you really begin to enjoy the true meaning of solitude. You learn so much more about yourself and are able to be comfortable in your own skin. Then I think it’s safe to say you can be comfortable around other people. A lot of it has to do with your upbringing and what kind of environment you were surrounded in and how much love, nurture and attention was given to you as a child. I grew up with a very dominating and aggressive Father and a very calm and loving Mother who always taught me to see the funny side in the worst of the situation. So I was always torn between two worlds but have always been able to see both sides. I think I’m going in an entirely different direction with this now hahaha. Great post, always interested to read up on topics like this, looking forward to reading more :)
Thanks for your comment HiDDeN_EniGma, you make some excellent points! I think, like you said, that when people finally accept the state of being alone with themselves, they soon accept themselves. And it’s like a domino effect from my experience… Once they accept themselves, their interactions with the people around them are more accepting as well. They no longer leach off other people for their sense of fulfillment and self worth…but draw that from themselves. It’s a much healthier way of living, but I think we try to avoid it because we’re scared of being alone with ourselves and what we’ll find or not find. I grew up with a mum and dad who were both extremely introverted…so there’s not much hope for me haha
Thanks for posting ;)
People don’t believe I’m not lonely. Sometimes I am. Most times I’d prefer to choose when I’m social and with who.
I spend a lot of time around people at work but I feel much more comfortable when I am alone though I do have a very strong faith and believe that God is with me wherever I go. I love to sit back and watch the world go by. I used to feel bad because I felt I should be sociable but the truth is I am truly much happier when I am on my own, it does have its advantages, for example I am very independent and never fear going anywhere alone. Also, I am really enjoying studying for a degree at the moment which is very therapeutic!
I get you Van…for me being alone the majority of the time never really felt the same as ‘loneliness’, it was just something I was naturally inclined towards, and had fun doing. It didn’t seem abnormal until people pointed it out, or I started comparing myself with other ‘socialites’. I think it’s natural to feel lonely sometimes unless you have some kind of kindred person to connect with in your life. Thanks for reading!