There’s so much content out there about how healing can only happen in community. How we must co-regulate with others to truly heal. How trauma is best fixed by safe relationships.
While this may have some level of truth, I’m here to affirm that healing doesn’t always have to involve other people.
It’s okay if your healing journey is a solitary one.
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Firstly, not all of us:
- Have access to safe and supportive people,
- Want to even be around people (wave to the lone wolves out there!),
- Find that choosing solitude is way more healing than talking with others.
While I’ve found that connecting with others does help for some types of trauma, for others, it can be counterproductive. It can overwhelm, dissociate, and shut down the mind and body. It can stress an already burdened nervous system with fears, doubts, and unwanted social obligations.
Sometimes, we need to burrow away in a cozy, quiet hole with warm blankets and a hot cup of tea, watching the world go by.
Sometimes, we need people-free spaces that allow us to hear our own authentic inner needs, rather than the incessant noise pollution of daily life.
Sometimes that’s the most powerful form of soul work available to us.
As a highly sensitive introvert, I often find that the most healing and grounding moments I experience occur in total solitude, often in nature. These times of silent contemplation give me the breathing space to think, dream, and recharge my life force energy.
Perhaps most importantly, they allow me to get back in touch with my Soul, my deeper, authentic Self that feels connected with the whole glittering web of life.
Truthfully, being in noise and engaging with others often doesn’t allow me to do that. It has the effect of filling me with words, ideas, and ego-based interactions, all of which deplete rather than nourish my spirit.
To find that sacred space, I often find that I need to be emptied more than filled. That’s why solitude can be so healing.
Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung once echoed these feelings, writing in a letter to an old acquaintance,
Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words.
Don’t you love his use of “torment”?! It seems a little… strong. But let’s face it, talking and engaging with others can feel like torture, especially when you lack the physical, mental, or emotional bandwidth.
So this is just a short and sweet message to let you know that you’re not “doing healing wrong” if it has been mostly a solitary journey so far.
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No one gets to tell you how your healing journey “should” look or what you “need” to be doing. Follow your instincts. If that’s to get a therapist, get one. If that’s to spend most of your time on quiet walks in the woods or curled up alone watching fluffy cat videos, do that. Your body and Soul know better than a book or YouTube video.
In the words of the poet Dodinsky,
In solitude is healing. Speak to your soul. Listen to your heart. Sometimes in the absence of noise, we find the answers.
Tell me, what unexpected practice has been the most healing for you so far – something not often discussed or validated? I’d love to hear in the comments!
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Aletheia, I’m so glad you wrote this article. It reinforces to other people what I’ve personally believed all by myself for many years. I came from a traumatic childhood of child abuse, racism, police brutality, institutional injustice and psychological harassment and gas lighting. All perpetrated not only by the various parents I was living under, but also my own caseworkers, counselors, therapist, so-called experts. when I finally broke free truck out on my own independent adult, I spent a few years healing on my own. I didn’t need a PhD, but I listen to my own inner self and what it needed. And I did it. And in the process, I unknowingly innovated certain healing / therapy techniques that are actually used by some professionals! I did a lot of journaling. And what could be described as past life regression. I kept track with my progress. I role played. etc.
I managed to heal myself 60% of the way. Which is okay. There were many 40% Is merely an insurance against me ever becoming lukewarm about things.
“The remaining 40% is………”
That is awe-inspiring, Xen. And it’s inspiring that you innovated some healing and therapy techniques that are now used by certain professionals. No need for a PhD when direct life experience and suffering through the process of transformation is your PhD. Thank you for sharing and doing this work 💜
Thank you!!! So spot on for me. In general, solitude is my vibe. A few years ago I realized that doing what was expected, i.e. hanging out with groups, parties, etc. was draining for me. Leaves too much chatter in my head. While I like sharing ideas with a group of likeminded individuals, it has to be small and not a deep, heavy conversation. I can do one on one when healing, but otherwise, quiet moments fill me with a deeper sense of my soul and my healing. Thank you again.
I find rain very healing and I feel like myself when it rains. Here in Wales where I live, we got quite a bit of rain but most people moan about it.
We also get periods of dry weather, and even hot weather in the spring and summer time, and it’s been hot here recently (up to 30C) and I am fed up with it. I want it to rain now so that I can feel like myself again.
Hi Aletheia,
Thank you for this article! At age 56 I sold my 5 bedroom, 3 bath home in an affluent neighborhood in the U.S. and moved onto a shuttle bus I tore apart and rebuilt into a tiny home. I spent the next 3 winters living amongst other nomadic travelers in the desert of Arizona with my dog. My mother was a talk therapist, and though I myself have benefitted from some of that kind of therapy, I found that my most profound healing happened on my own. Getting away from every day American society was so helpful. Long, reflective walks in the desert, day after day with my dog, was also so healing. And although many nights were spent in community around a blazing fire, my most profound “aha moment” happened when I build a fire myself and no one else was present. I had this sudden realization, staring into flames in the dark of night, that a few deeply hurtful things my therapist mother said to me in the last few years of her life, even though each sentence started with “You…” were only ways she was telling me about HERSELF. My mother truly was this amazing healer to others, but her treatment of me, at times in my life, had been devastating. So incredibly confusing to live that experience. And so freeing to have been able to make sense of it out in the desert, staring into a fire alone! It felt like a miracle!
Thanks again for all that you do in creating this community!
Much love and gratitude,
Annie
Wow, what a beautiful and transformative experience, Annie. I love that you found yourself in the desert, alone with your dog. Others were there present, but ultimately, the deepest revelations came from the center of your being. That is special. Thank you for taking the time to share that here with us all 💜 🔥