You love them. You hate them. Your heart burns, and your gut churns in their proximity.
Welcome to the world of karmic relationships.
One second, you’re laughing, the next, you’re screaming at each other.
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One minute, you embrace, the next, you swear you could kill them.
And yet, despite the ups and downs, you always seem to get pulled back into the sticky honey-like spider web of your relationship with them.
We all experience at least one karmic relationship in life – it’s part of our spiritual calling.
But the question is, how do we know if a certain spiritual relationship is karmic? What’s the purpose of karmic relationships? And is it healthy to stay in one or not?
Table of contents
What is a Karmic Relationship?
Tracing its origins back to ancient Eastern philosophy, a karmic relationship describes a connection between two people that has rekindled in this life from a previous incarnation (i.e., past life).
For whatever reason, the relationship we had in that past incarnation carries “unfinished business” and unresolved issues. Thus, in this lifetime, we’re tasked with clearing that karma for the enrichment and evolution of the Soul.
Another way of putting it is that karmic relationships are bonds created between the Souls of individuals who, before being born into this world, agreed to work their shit out. (Also known as creating a ‘Soul Contract.’)
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Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, karmic relationships (at the very least) can be seen as opportunities to learn major life lessons.
And no, karmic relationships don’t just occur between lovers, they’re also found among friends, family members, children, and even colleagues!
Soul Mate Relationships = Karmic Relationships?
You might be wondering at this point whether soul mate relationships are karmic relationships.
My answer is that sometimes they are, but usually they’re not.
To summarize:
Soul mates are people in our lives whom we connect with on a deep level.
A soul mate connection feels gentle yet fierce, deep but easy. (As such, it’s unlikely to be karmic.)
It’s common to confuse karmic relationships with soul mate connections. Sometimes, the two go hand-in-hand. Yet, overall, a soul mate relationship is designed to help us more than harm us.
Again, there’s a fine line between help and harm. Sometimes, for instance, something that harms us can eventually help us, and vice versa.
But generally, it’s easy to tell the difference between soul mate and karmic relationships.
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A karmic relationship smells like musky tobacco while a soul mate relationship smells like roses and jasmine or frankincense and myrrh.
So, when it comes to distinguishing between these relationships, it’s helpful to remember that there’s a difference between a karmic lesson and a karmic relationship.
If your relationship is like a non-stop rollercoaster, it’s probably karmic. But if you have arguments and dramas from time to time (what relationship doesn’t?), it’s probably a karmic lesson you’re in the process of learning.
Spiritual Awakening and Karmic Relationships
There is a large glimmering red ruby hidden at the core of karmic relationships. The treasure to be found must be earned, and it can take time, patience, and tremendous humility.
The gift I’m talking about is spiritual evolution (involution) and soulful maturation.
Karmic relationships are the doorway to deeper growth, expansion, and freedom. As irritating and upsetting as they are, they’re an opportunity to return to the Truth of Who We Are.
But this chance to awaken doesn’t come easily. Who said it would?
The nature of life is that there must be friction to grow. A baby chick must peck its way out of the shell. A seedling must push out of the earth. A newborn is squeezed and screamed out of the womb.
We, too, must go through this process of tension and release, death and rebirth.
And yet, despite the blood, sweat, and tears, we eventually realize that our pain never diminished our essence, it forged it. Our egos may be shattered, but our souls can never be touched.
Perhaps that is the biggest spiritual lesson of karmic relationships: they open us to the power of Love through the gateway of letting go.
They remind us of who we truly are.
Read more: Spiritual Awakening: 23 Major Signs and Symptoms »
19 Signs + STAGES You’re in a Karmic Relationship
We’ve all seen karmic relationships play out in literature and mythology before.
Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, Catherine and Heathcliff – all of these karmic stories teach us something.
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But it can be hard to know whether we’re in a karmic relationship or not. And if so, what to do next.
Here are some helpful signs to look out for written primarily for those in karmic romantic relationships. (But please note that not all karmic relationships are romantic.):
1. Irresistibly drawn to them
The moment you met, you both had an instant connection. It was as if you were magnetized to each other. It all felt so mysterious and predestined. You either hated or loved them at first – there was no middle ground.
2. They’re addictive
As you got to know them, you fell further down the rabbit hole. Something about them was intoxicating – like an addictive mixture of chocolate, wine, and heroin. You just can’t get enough of them. Staying away feels like going through drug withdrawal!
3. Experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions
The more time you spend around them, the more your emotional life is sent into a tailspin. You swing between love, hate, lust, disgust, laughter, and rage. The highs are very high, and the lows are very low.
4. Constant drama
As your emotions bounce up and down, so does the relationship. You both seem to attract or create drama and play unconscious games with each other.
5. Something feels ‘off’
Your gut instincts begin to kick in and a feeling of heaviness, discomfort, or dread sits in the pit of your stomach. Deep down, you can’t shake away the feeling that something is terribly off in your relationship. You try to ignore this feeling, dismissing it as paranoia or silliness.
6. You don’t feel safe
Being authentically vulnerable with them feels scary, genuinely. Can they be trusted with your precious heart? In truth, you don’t know if you can really trust them due to their track record.
When you do open up, they can’t hold space for you. They’re either too wound up in their own problems or they flat-out reject you. In the end, you don’t feel safe enough to be your full self around them.
7. The sex is amazing
Sexually, you have a hot, intense, and wild connection. You’ve never experienced such amazing sex in your life. And yet afterward, something feels lacking. The connection is deliciously carnal but also addictive as it keeps you stuck in the same old place.
8. Repetitive cycles and patterns
The same negative patterns keep popping up no matter how much you think you’ve “worked through” them together. Either they are not holding up their side of the relationship, or you aren’t.
For instance, if one of you has had an affair, chances are that it has happened multiple times, and will continue. Even small irritations keep emerging in increasingly provocative and infuriating ways.
9. Communication issues
Let’s face it, the two of you aren’t the best communicators. There are a lot of unspoken assumptions, prejudice, judgment, and skipping to conclusions quickly. When you’ve tried to communicate openly, it just hasn’t worked the way you intended, no matter how much you try.
10. Anger and rage
At any given time, the two of you are like matches just waiting to be lit. One of you will tend to bottle up that anger (which turns into rage), and the other tends to explode whenever irritations occur. You both have a special way of pushing each other’s buttons.
11. They bring out the worst in you
Your shadow selves (i.e., dark side) relish dancing with each other, and you’re often shocked by their behavior and your own. Sometimes you’re left wondering, “Who am I/who are they really?” Despite the fact that they bring out the worst in you, you can’t imagine life without them. You just don’t want to let go.
12. Energy drain and exhaustion
Being in this relationship is tiring. You feel mentally and emotionally drained around them, but chances are that you blame yourself for these feelings.
The truth is that if you feel perpetually exhausted, the process of letting go has already been initiated. The relationship just isn’t destined to last, and you’ll eventually feel compelled to leave.
13. Your morals and values are tested
You tolerate behavior from them that you would never stand for in another person. Perhaps you enable one of their addictions, or you adopt shady ethics. Whatever the case, your character is being tested.
What are you willing to put up with? Where do you draw the line? At what point do you say no?
14. Self-sabotage and self-destructiveness
Strangely, it’s as if you’re both drawn to try and sabotage each other’s happiness. It might be a sarcastic, off-handed comment or a full-blown act of malice.
The result is that you often feel like competitors, not a supportive team. There is an underlying darkness to your connection, and one (or both) of you tend to become more self-destructive.
15. One-sided codependency
Deep down, you feel that your happiness depends solely on their happiness. Whatever they say, think, or feel about you is immediately taken as the gospel truth. While you give-give-give, they take-take-take (or vice versa). And ultimately, your entire sense of self-worth is based on the way they behave.
16. Things begin to stagnate
At some point, you feel stuck. Your relationship feels like it’s stranded in a thick pit of tar. You try to take two steps forward but are drawn ten steps back. Anger, bitterness, anxiety, and depression soon follow. You are terrified of leaving this relationship, but it feels dead. You don’t know what to do.
17. Intense desire for answers
Fragile, exhausted, and disconnected, you begin searching for answers. Why does this relationship bring you so much pain? How can you resolve your issues together?
As you begin soul searching, you start evolving. You begin drawing back a sense of self-sovereignty. In many ways, you’re starting to evolve to the next level, yet this means you need to leave them behind. A split between the desire to stay and the desire builds within you.
Read more: Soul Searching: 7 Ways to Uncover Your True Path »
18. Struggle to let go
In all truth, you know that this relationship is unhealthy for you. Yet you can’t release the idea that you’re “destined to be together forever.” And besides, going out on your own feels frightening and overwhelming.
You may decide to leave, but again, you’re drawn back to them! The seductive and toxic cycle continues.
While some people can “cut the cord” and end the soul contract, others keep repeating the holding-on-letting-go cycle many times before emotional liberation.
19. Reconnecting with love and letting go
Eventually, the lessons have been learned. The karma has been cleared. Through the power of love, forgiveness, and a solid dose of boundary-setting, you are able to surrender and let go of your karmic relationship. This process might happen in your lifetime or in a future one, depending on how much inner work occurs.
$3Should You Stay?
My response is that it depends.
Firstly, is it a karmic relationship, or is it some other kind of relationship with karmic lessons?
As I wrote previously in this article, if your relationship is like a non-stop rollercoaster, it’s probably karmic.
But if you have arguments and dramas from time to time (what relationship doesn’t?), it’s probably a karmic lesson you’re in the process of learning.
Secondly, nothing is black and white. Not all karmic relationships are destined to end – but most are.
Is the other person doing the work? Are they committed to growth and change? If so, cautiously proceed. It might be worth staying.
If the other person isn’t growing or evolving or committed to change, it’s better to end that relationship.
How to Let Go of a Karmic Relationship
Here’s some guidance:
- Reach out to others for mental, emotional, and spiritual support – we are biologically programmed to seek comfort in the presence of others, so try to call in (or build) a support network
- Decide how you will say goodbye – what’s the healthiest and swiftest way of bidding them farewell?
- Practice self-love and forgiveness – this will enable you to love and forgive them
- Be thankful and resolute – reflect on what you’re grateful for learning and be solid in your conviction to leave
- Listen to some healing meditations for spiritual nourishment
- Some guided breathwork might help you to release the ‘karmic cords’ that connect the two of you
- Actively practice letting go and letting be
- Do some deep listening and let yourself feel your feelings
- Begin to build the foundation of your new life
And remember to be gentle with yourself and be proud of how far you’ve come!
***
Karmic relationships can happen between us and partners, parents, children, friends, or anyone, in fact, who is part of our life.
These relationships offer tremendous illumination and the opportunity for spiritual evolution. But growing the Soul is often an arduous and perilous adventure.
And yet, like many things in life, karmic relationships are both tragic and beautiful pointers to our True Essence that flourishes through the power of love.
I hope this guidance has helped you. Please feel welcome to share how your karmic relationship has ultimately enriched your life.
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This was a very interesting article. When I received it I knew I had to set it aside until I could give it my full attention. So I did this morning and glad I did. I read thru it and kept thinking how much this described my relationship with my ex-husband. Seems we are not done yet as our relationship has been like a rubberband, release and bounceback for the better of 40 years. The first 15 years were the worse part of our relationship. It was full of drama, horribly terrible arguments both physically and emotionally painful. I think back to all those years and all I can say is I grew up with him. He has been in my life longer than anyone including my parents or siblings. I know how is that possible. My mother died when I was two and my father left me to be raised with an aunt. I did not grow up with them so yes, my relationship with my now ex-husband has lasted longer than any relationship in my entire life. As unhealthy as it was I still do not understand why he is still a part of my life. We had a son together so I tell myself that is the reason. We don’t say much to each other because I find so much about him so irritating but yet I cannot help but feel compassion and sadness for him. Sometimes I ask myself why, why is it I can’t seem to fully let go. Is it because we have not yet learned all that we need to learn in our relationship. What more is there? I don’t feel all the pain I once did, but I still from time to time feel anger. Perhaps that is what I am still in need of resolving fully. As others have said, when the time is right it will end. But sometimes I feel our connection will not end until one or the other leaves this world.
Thank you for sharing, Eva. And I’m glad these words ‘karmic relationship’ can help you better understand your relationship with your ex-husband. It’s amazing how one phrase can do that!
Thank you so much for this. The article is informative.
I just wanted to add that, to know the ‘truth’, always seek for an answer from within, again and again, and again. Our inner voices can sometimes can be muffed by our ego. But as time passes, if we are diligent with our inner work, we will be able to discern. With blessings, inner peace and joy will be our rewards. We will hear an answer when the time is right.
Having been through karmics, for one that’s obvious, twin flame connection does smell like myrrh and frankincense. The sacredness is MUTUALLY felt, although not explicitly communicated (we somehow knew). The attraction, magnetism, intimacy, soul-deep love, it’s intense, magical, never like before and vast as the universe. But, we remained respectful. Somewhere inside us, we knew it’s not time for physical union yet, as if we knew work still in progress, towards Union, if this is part of the divine plan, or more leaning (or unlearning). It was beautiful, beyond time and space. In its sacredness, although currently we are not together, my TF never leaves my head, energy always hovering around me 24/7. Again, unspoken, we know we love and care for each other unconditionally in our own little ways. I didn’t notice this until months into not being together with my TF anymore. I avoided the terms run or chase and separate; these terms don’t accurately describe the stage that we currently in.
As for romantic karmic relationship, sexual attraction (with or without intercourse) feels like a honey trap. From my own experiences, it can be one sided, when one do not know why we were so drawn to the other, and the other (not attracted at first, but self-convince into believing) also do not know why we gave in to their advances. After that, the rest became loops we struggled to make sense. Days became mundane. I (thought) needed them. As you have rightly pointed out, I was addicted to the presumed ‘happiness’ and I was scared to be alone. I ‘sweet talked’ myself into believing that it was normal, despite all the red flags (that dont looked red that time), and I used to imagine better days better life with them a.k.a my dream lover/life partner.
Karmic relationship will end when debts are paid, when unfinished business settled, when lessons learnt. For me, after parting ways (the final rounds), there were hardly any communications thereafter. They left my space permanently. Period. The in between loops of get back together-breakups which were hopeful at first, then the same old struggles, confusing, frustrating, self blaming and loathing patterns, were necessary as part of my own path to learn self-worth, self-love.
Now I know, only when lessons learnt, new chapter begins. If we don’t learn, Universe has its uncanny way of planting old chapters for us to revisit…
So, remember to look within, again and again.
Lots of love.
Beth, thank you for your comment. I continued reading on with the comment section for no reason (I thought) until I started reading yours. Your words touched me. Somehow it was as if I wrote this comment, especially about the twin flame actually.
As you wrote, I will look within.
Take care, much love.
Hi Luna-I too waited awhile before I read this post. Today I needed to hear this. My karmic “relationship” began at 12 years old when I met him in school. 40 years later he found me, called and I felt such joy that I left a 17 yr relationship and moved to be near him. We live separately. 8 1/2 yrs later after ignoring (or trying to) the pain, harsh words, ups and downs and “knowing” for a very long time this wasn’t good for me-yet unable to leave-I’m finally ready. I think. Yeah I fall into the “today was a great day and he was so loving” and resolve to stay-only to find the next day that he’s either ignoring me or throwing put-downs my way. My head hurts. sigh…
This was so helpful. I’ve backed off meditating-though I tell myself everyday to do it-I think because I don’t really want to hear I need to let go. But you’ve clarified a lot of things for me-and I am thankful for your words. I don’t need to feel bad about trying-but I do need to address the karmic implecations! Thanks!
“look within, again and again” — beautiful, thank you for sharing this and your story Beth!
Is financial debt also, karmic in nature?
3year back i met business guy, who seems to be ethical & morally right. I felt drawn to him. It felt like higher intelligence guided me. He started the business. I invested a lot, took a loan also. Now everything is drained. He is also bankrupt. It feels so painful & heart broken. This article came just in right time in my mailbox. I am now refusing to live like victim & envisioning life forward
Hello!
I’m wondering if the purpose of separating from a union that has not happened. Yet is a constant intensity of maybe or maybe not. Its upto you. What decision I make is what breaks the union. And it probably want be anytime soon. The contradiction of twin flame together depends on the twin either doesn or does want it. I was personally a
And activity pursue the wishes of a twin to be found. Unsuccessful in doing so. I’m is a karmic dismissal of this happening. I’m to back off. I have seen to cause some hardship in feeling. Do to my own stubbornness. And unaware of what was available. The boat has sailed. I seem to be missing the point of what is called a gift. And to use it or lose it. And so it seemed. I’m lost it’s power. I have been told being in a place of not knowing is a good place to be. Yetis I have put a lot of pressure on myself. I’m too speak my truth. Be honest. And embrace all of yourself. Good, bad and the ugly. You’re perfect as you are. This is a somewhat strange concept. I follow my intuition. I question my intentions. I see this as a we. And service to humanity. I have strong boundaries. I unconditional love myself. I am in an incredible experience of reinventing myself self for a better version of myself with relieving my childhood of twenty plus years of being away and reinventing myself. As an Empath. And on top of that transgender.
I was forced to be my sister growing up. Today I’m my own man. Living with a mother who’s in a situation that the oppressed little girl with no voice. Is a strong a powerful man. And willing to just let her be. She’s in a state of old age. The memory is a challenge. It’s quiet interesting caring for her twenty four seven. I have faced with much more to face about my shadow side. Sometimes pretty embarrassing. Just seeing how the egos offended and become like a screaming monkey in a cage. Taking much disciplinary practices to wager the what was and it’s important to survive a life I choose. I’m in a situation of there is no we’re to run. No way to run. I’m very able to and lucky to have the opportunity for a second chance to reassess my intentions. And as a man. Not the daughter my my forced me to be. And something she did not like at all or even wanted. I’m sharing my story. Not out of pity. Or need to be felt sorry for. And or the family to be a violoncello.
For me. And my interpretation. It’s seen as a lower vibration in the shadow of a choice. The solutions I find is not to abandon a vampires intentionally attacking of a Vampire of a light worker.
Everything is from the shadow. The hassle to the light. I’m told without the shadow there’s no light. So how does the benefit of evading or not acknowledging one with out the other there’s no creation.
Those of great light are the ones that have walked away from me. Because I’m just to darken. I’m not afraid of that darkness. I very much welcome the dark. Is the darkness not what becomes the light. And this is the purpose of this time to heal. Mother Earth. And humanity. And oneself. Well for decades I shut my voice off. My story is not to offend or create uneasy relationship. The either or nothing seemed of an unbalanced energies.
Unknown person.
Thank you for this post. I had been in a karmic marriage for 12 years. We knew each other for almost 10 years before marriage and I felt safe and comfortable with the person. Yet within few days after marriage I strongly felt that I was in a karmic trap. It felt like something bad got activated suddenly. Most of the signs mentioned in the article was present in the relationship except for the attraction part. I always wondered deeply how I got into the relationship in first place. We were entirely of different types. There was constant drama and we could never communicate to each other. He never got what I said and I never understood what he meant. I could never depend upon him or open up with him. He was hardly there as a husband. Any attempts to fix anything ended in even more frustrations. He left me ever confused and angry and draining. I am usually quick to detect and end unhealthy people and patterns in my life. I am not much of an emotional person. Yet I could not come out of the relationship due to the commitment I made and for the lack of courage to face a divorce. I wanted some miracle to happen and the relationship to end. I tolerated everything until the day I found he had been also cheating for years and was deceptive by nature. Even though it was a loveless marriage this came as a shock to me and I was broken. I called it off. Currently I am trying for a divorce which is also not going smoothly and taking a toll on my mental health. But its true that I learned to value my life due to this relationship. The issues pushed me to undergo various therapies and healing processes that helped me to transform spiritually. It will take time for me to get out this completely – the shock, pain, fear, anger. But I am grateful for the relationship that brought the worst out of me but also made me a greater being. I just pray this ends smoothly and he also finds what he wants from his life. This post just brings me relief and support. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this, and again, bang on time!
Please say something about children. We can’t let them go or say goodbye. They are always in your space especially when they are young and it seems like all they do is torture you.
Yes, great growth, great insights and lots of material to help in the journey, but boy, when does it stop since you can’t leave them per se.
This is a great point Zan, with children it’s different, especially when they’re young. I don’t have kids myself, but I can see how it would be a challenge to reconcile the loving mother/father part, and the I-want-to-scream-at-you karmic part. All I can say is that making regular time to decompress and have solitude is a must. This is an opportunity to learn lessons of unconditional love. When a child is older, however, parents with karmic children might find that the child leaves of their own accord.
Not sure if I should stay. The other party seems to want to change (is indeed being forced to change given circumstances) and I’m seeing hints of changing here and there, yet dedication to doing the inner work doesn’t seem to be on par with mine. Should I stay? Should I go? Maybe I’m just comparing and it’s unfair for her. What do you folks think? If you need more details, I’m willing to elaborate.
From my experience, even this confusion is part of the package ;-). Just wait and watch for yourself. Let it prove itself.
This is the second message I’ve received today about letting my relationship go; the 24th is our 19 year anniversary so the timing is definitely speaking to me. The 19 signs all hit home for me. I know that it’s time to cut cords and move on but after spending almost half your life with someone it’s really hard. But thank you for the confirmation to keep pushing towards closure.
It takes a lot of courage to realize that it’s time to move on. I can’t imagine how hard it must be after spending nearly half your life with someone. You’re a soul warrior, Melly! ♡ I truly hope you can tap into all the inner strength and resolve you need to get through this. And please do reach out to others for emotional support too. Much love to you!
Lovely article, and divinely timed for me! Thanks so much!
What an article Luna!!! soul-provoking dear. Thank you so much for it…a kind of rebirth into the future …adding so much clarity to what we do and what we must do…I wish everyone come across this article and know the life path through you…Loving hugs…
What a beautiful response, thank you Indumathi! Lots of love and clarity to you ❤
Loving you so much dear…