Self-Coaching: Ditch the Guru, Trust Your Own Wisdom

It’s 1:01pm as I write this, and I’m honestly kind of tired and p*ssed off. 

You see, part of my job is to read, explore, and take note of what people in the healing space are doing. On days like today, I feel like slamming the laptop shut and living a life in the wilderness free of internet connection, surrounded by animals and nature, and that’s it.

But I’m an adult with responsibilities and people I love (and mediocre survival skills), so I don’t.

What annoys me so much is the plethora of content out there that actively tries to strip us of our inherent power. It gives us the poison while simultaneously selling us the cure. It tells us we’re lacking or not good enough or could have more, under the guise of empowerment.

Also, an increasing amount of it is AI slop – which … don’t even get me started on the existential threat that is.

Stuff like this: “How to f*ck your way to wealth,” “Most effective way to increase vibration,” “Monetize your aura,” “Habits that can rebuild your body in 120 days,” yadda yadda. 

Then there are those selling the $3K coaching packages or those promising to “end your suffering” permanently with their magical questions.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot of beauty in helping people. People have to make a living (including myself in this inner work space), and I’m not against that.

But what I do have an issue with is guru-culture. In the unending hamster wheel of get-do-be more. In those who encourage us to outsource our wisdom to some external person or thing.

Ditch the Guru, Trust Your Own Wisdom

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty burned out by the modern world of self-help and spirituality as a whole.

Recently, somewhere online, I read from someone (I can’t remember who, unfortunately) this golden statement:

“A true teacher works towards their own obsolescence.”

I think that’s true. Yet so much of hustle culture and spirituality promote the opposite.

If someone is playing the role of teacher, guide, or guru, they should encourage you to access that energy within yourself – not encourage dependency on them for their almighty wisdom or insight. (And it happens both overtly and subtly, a lot. You can thank the human ego for that.) 

This is what I love about the concept of “self-coaching” so much. It is a form of self-directed learning (aka, being an autodidact) that encourages you to ditch the guru and trust your own wisdom. It’s a very lone wolf path, one that solitary sages, philosophers, and mystics through the ages have done in some form or another.

Self-Coaching: The Soul’s Path to Self-Sovereignty

So how do we ditch the guru – whether that’s the self-help influencer, the popular YouTuber, the awakened author, or the traditional spiritual teacher – and start trusting our own innate wisdom? 

Because the truth is that we all have a source of insight and Divine Light within. Yes, it’s often buried under false beliefs, nervous system dysregulation, and old traumas. But it’s there.

I personally opt for this less exhausting and crazy-making route as much as I humanly can.

Here’s the Soul’s path to self-sovereignty based on personal experience:

Self-Coaching Tip #1 – Read books … yes, actual books

Reading requires retraining the brain to focus. When you’re used to short bursts of dopamine-triggering information (such as from social media, ads, TV), that can be hard. But it’s all a matter of habit. So add it to your daily routine. (If you’re spiritually inclined, you can also incorporate it into your practice – it’s called lectio divina, or divine reading.)

Start with 10 minutes, then 20 a week later, 30 the next week, and eventually 1 hour. Do what you have space for and be realistic. 

What I love about books is that they are self-contained. There are no algorithms feeding off your energy and attention like demonic leeches. There’s no poorly written or researched bullshit (usually). Instead, you have a beautiful work of art in your hands that someone poured hours, weeks, and sometimes years of their life into creating. 

I have taken many courses over the years. I’ve joined many monthly subscriptions. But none of them have come close to offering me the richness that comes from the humble book. That is the power of bibliotherapy. Yes, you do pay with your time. But the rewards are a greater degree of self-knowledge, empowerment, and integration. 

Self-Coaching Tip #2 – Learn to listen to your intuitive, instinctual wisdom

So many of the answers we seek in the work of gurus can be found within our own bodies, hearts, and souls. In fact, I’d say most, if not all, of the wisdom we hear from others is a mirror of our own inherent wisdom. After all, on the deepest level, we are all Spirit. 

To reclaim your power, learn to listen to your intuition. A few ways to do this that I love are by:

1. Getting embodied and grounded. In other words, learn to calm your nervous system and get out of chronic patterns of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This somatic practice will help you to more accurately pick up on the wisdom contained within your body. I wrote a huge, meaty guide on the nervous system, which can help you learn how to do that. Remember: your body is the oracle.
2. Meditate to clear the mental clutter. I quite like candle gazing meditation (Trataka) for this. Here’s my guide on some other meditation techniques that can help you create more mental space.
3. Use some form of symbolic tool. Symbols are meant to be interpreted, which encourages the development of your intuition. I quite like using tarot and oracle cards to help me break out of self-inflicted mental ruts. The symbols are often archetypal in nature, and through practice, you can learn to hear and trust the voice of your intuition more.

Self-Coaching Tip #3 – Journaling or the art of having a conversation with yourself

My romance with journaling spans back to my childhood. It’s a practice that has carried me through the darkest lows in my life and still supports me to this very day.

I have created a plethora of guided journals over the years that encourage self-coaching and trust in your own wisdom. Some of those titles include the:

• Self-Love Journal
• Inner Child Journal
• Shadow Work Journal
• Moon Alchemy Journal  
• Healing the Mother Wound Journal
• Dark Night of the Soul Journal
• Alchemical Soulwork Workbook

Regardless of whether you choose guided or unguided journaling, the power always stays in your hands. No one is telling you how you “should” feel, think, or be. No one is pressuring you to work at their pace. Instead, you get to decide how far you go. Journaling empowers you to grow in self-awareness and wisdom through illuminating the darkness of your psyche and tapping into your Soul’s truth.

***

“Empowerment is the acceptance of personal authority.” – Peter A. Levine

Self-coaching is one of the only practices these days that stops me from going berserk and smashing my laptop against things (I’m joking here … or am I?).

In a system that preys on your insecurity and gives you the poison while selling you the cure, taking back the power into your own hands reminds you of this perennial truth:

You’re not broken.

You don’t need to do anything to be valuable.

You don’t have to be anyone special to be worthy.

You are inherently worthy.

You are whole at your core.

The power has always been in your hands.

Don’t forget it. ;)

What is your favorite form of self-coaching? I’d love to hear. 

If this post helped you in any way, it would mean the world if you could buy me a coffee.