Most of us define a Soul Mate as a perfect romantic partner who will fulfill every aspect of our being. Soul Mates are in sync with us, they are supportive, sexy, intelligent, funny, and will be part of our “happily ever after” story.
The truth is, life is not quite that simple.
Table of contents
What Exactly is a Soul Mate?
A Soul Mate is a member of your soul family. These are other souls that come into our lives for one reason or another, and they can be family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, lovers, and even enemies.
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We all have a soul, and when we encounter other souls in our lives, the friction of the meeting between two energy forces can create different, intriguing, and challenging effects. Some souls will feel as though they have known each other from another lifetime, some will clash, and some will feel at ease with the other person’s company.
Essentially, some of the souls that come into our lives will help us grow in love and wisdom, while others will aid us in learning difficult life lessons or universal truths.
No matter how fleeting the encounter, each soul that comes into our lives has the potential to provide a significant life-transforming moment, even that one girl who smiled at you from the window of a bus passing by.
Soul Mates serve as mirrors of ourselves. What we see in another soul reflects our own soul.
When we are capable of seeing others’ souls as ‘mates’, (including our enemies), as members of our family that are there to teach us life lessons, then our whole perception and relation to other people changes entirely.
Different Types of Soul Mates
In our language, we have the word ‘friend’, and the word ‘soul mate’ which is essentially romantic by nature. But how would you describe someone that falls in between? Someone who is more than just a ‘best friend’ but doesn’t have the romantic and sexual attraction of a ‘soul mate’?
We need to create new words to express these relationships we have with others. Here are a few words that help to distinguish these deep connections we have in life:
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Soul Friend
This is your most common type of relationship connection. These are the people in your life who you have chosen because your ego, intelligence or emotions are harmonious with the others. Essentially, you share the same tastes, interests, beliefs, sense of humor, and values.
While this connection is not as deep as a Soul Companion, a Soul Friend’s company creates little friction. Sometimes Soul Friends can become Soul Teachers, but generally, you are the one who chooses your Soul Friend as you perceive the world in a similar way to them.
Soul Teacher
Soul Teachers are composed of all the people in your life who have come to teach you a lesson. They don’t necessarily teach you intentionally but often provide challenging situations in your life for you to overcome and learn from.
Soul Teachers often come in the form of family members, friends, acquaintances, old lovers, momentary drifters, and even enemies. You attract them into your life because you need to learn something from them. For example, some teach you to cultivate patience for the guy who doesn’t signal before changing lanes, to stop lusting over the ‘bad boys’ that keep crossing your path, or to develop greater compassion and understanding for another person’s way of life and beliefs.
Usually, any friction in relationships is due to a failure in acknowledging something within ourselves, or in other words; a resistance to the lessons our Soul Teachers teach us. We can never change other people unless they are open to do so, but we can change ourselves.
Soul Companion
This would come closest to what we commonly define as a “soul mate” with the exception of romantic attraction. Soul Companions can be males or females, friends or family members. While Soul Friends are harmonized with us through their ego identities, Soul Companions experience soulful harmony with us. The nature of a Soul Companion is much more long-lived and stable to that of a Soul Friend for this reason.
Many times, the relationships you develop with these people will feel as though you’ve known them for centuries, even from past lives. With a Soul Companion, there is a great and deep understanding of the other person and a feeling that you are both on the same ‘wavelength’ of thoughts and emotions. These connections often last for a lifetime.
Soul Companions share both attributes of Soul Friends and Soul Teachers in that they experience ego harmony with us, as well as teach, help us learn, and grow without the friction of a Soul Teacher, as Soul Companions lovingly share with us the journey. One of the reasons for such depth and harmony is that they usually share with us the same Soul Age.
Soul Mirror
The ancient Greeks believed that our souls were once whole, and the Gods divided them into two different halves, and once we found our other halves we would become whole and complete again. That is the essence of Soul Mirrors.
Finding our Soul Mirror often feels like finding a piece of ourselves that was missing (even though, at a core level, we are whole and complete already). Many describe the feeling as ‘returning home’, or developing a greater sense of wholeness in the presence of the other person.
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Soul Mirrors share complementary, compatible life goals, and their spiritual natures are often in sync. They also experience immense levels of comfort with each other that cannot be experienced in other relationships, and they complement each other in many ways through their strengths and weaknesses.
Interestingly, the Soul Age development of a person plays a significant role in Soul Mirror relationships. Mature and Old Souls, for example, are more in tune with finding their mates as they are more capable of experiencing a peaceful, joyous love that is not rooted in infatuation. This love can be grounded in unconditional affection that requires significant spiritual development first to overcome the fears and possessive attachments that are involved in most typical relationships.
In the end, it’s important to remember that none of these relationships are better or worse than the other – they each serve a purpose in our spiritual growth and healing.
Why Soul Mates Come Into Our Lives
There are three ways a Soul Mate can come into our lives, and that is For a Reason, For a Season, and For a Lifetime.
It is important to know of this distinction because once you know why a Soul Mate has come into your life, you can know what to expect from that connection. All too often we find couples, for example, who are still clinging to the dead flower of a relationship that was once blossoming but has reached the end of its season. So let’s have a closer look at these:
For a Reason
When you come across a Soul Mate for a REASON, it’s usually to meet a need that has been expressed in your life. This can be for guidance, assistance through difficult times, support, depth of conversations, or simply as a presence for you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. A Soul Mate can last a moment or a lifetime, depending on the type of Soul Mate relationship it is.
For a Season
Then there are Soul Mates for a SEASON, or people that come into our lives only momentarily. These people may serve as catalysts to share, grow, and learn, or they may present themselves in a moment when we need to overcome our fears of vulnerability, or when we need someone to challenge our belief system, or even when we need to discover a passion we were unaware of. Regardless of the reason, these Soul Mates are only Seasonal and leave once their gift has passed on.
For a Lifetime
Lifetime relationships are predominantly Soul Mirror connections. They teach us lessons that are so deep, so intricate that they require a lifetime of loving growth with the other to assimilate deeply.
In lifetime connections, the strengths of one person are used to strengthen the other, and the harmony between both Soul Mates is so peaceful and flows so well that they often last a lifetime. These relationships are as rare and as precious as fine jewels, and we should feel immensely blessed if we encounter them during our lives.
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There are an infinity of Soul Mates out there that we will encounter during our lives. While some come to teach us something new, others come to share our joys. While some last for only a few months or years, others last for a lifetime.
With these lessons and shared moments of bliss, we learn to grow spiritually and come closer to finding our wholeness as human beings.
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Hi! I met a guy through work some years ago and instantly felt like I already knew him. It was scary and I tried to avoid him. When I was transferred to his department I was scared as I knew I would have to get to know him and I was insecure for reasons unknown to me. However, we quickly became best friends and eventually started dating, but one day he became really cold and ended the relationship. He started to shun me and I left the job because of it. He blocked me on social media as well. Still, three years later, he shuns me when I see him on the street and I still have no idea what happened. I asked a clairvoyant friend at the time it happened why this was and he said this guy was my soul twin. But I brushed this off as I couldn’t understand how he could behave like that if that was true, but lately I’ve started thinking about what the psychic said.. I still love this guy, even if we’ve had no contact for three years. I’ve tried to move on and have even had a baby since, but I still dream about this guy several times a month and can’t help but love him deeply. Have you had any experience like this? I really hope to move on if this doesn’t sound like a twin soul connection, so if anyone has advice I’d be very appreciative. :) xxx
My boyfriend and I had been together two years. In this time, we’d both realized and agreed that we were soul mates. We had a deep understanding and compatibility that was simply amazing. It was remarkable to finally have the sense of being “home” and at peace with him. But after those two years, life got difficult and we split apart. This happened seemingly against both of our wills, but needed to be done to give each other time to heal and regain peace. For months we tried to make a relationship work again as the love was still evident, but uncertainty kept us from getting back together. Now a year later, we’ve both had time apart and distance. On the occasions I get to spend time with him, it’s obvious we both share that same fire for each other. Life doesn’t seem to make sense without him. I’d give anything to have a relationship again, but he’s scared of being hurt. How can I convince my souls other half to be with me freely again?
I don’t advise to force Soul’s mate unions. I’d encourage your boyfriend to have a deep conversation on relationships, love and what exactly is holding him back from being honest with his emotions toward you.
The desire must be born from his heart and once and if it does, it will be a flame hard to extinguish.
i had an encounter recently , and it will be with me forever , maybe it wasnt my soul mate , but i can tell you this , I’ve never felt alive , more than this , and there was no physical touching but alot of conversation , it moved my heart and dare i say my soul …no contact except the day we met in passing , our conversations carried on until we realized that were were made for each other , not even 5 minutes cud pass without wanting to speak or just to say i love you , he understood every thing i was going through even my past , i felt so connected to this man that today wen he called to say his wife had seen our emails and she will contact me , i broke down inside but stayed strong , we didnt do anything , we comforted each other with wat the future will hold and nothing else , if we are destined then we will be together by gods grace im in a toxic marriage , but now i believe love at first sight does exist and i will carry that with me forever there’s so much more i wud have wanted to say but God knows
If a soul mate were supposed to come into my life for only a season, will I feel sad when he leave or should I just feel alright ?
Hola Ada,
That depends on your level of soulful maturity. What is externally destined to occur and what you internally choose to feel toward it are entirely different things.
External relationships and things will occur as they are meant to. But your response to them internally, your experiencing of them will vary and reflect what your level of understanding is. If you feel lonely and want to fill a void inside of yourself with a relationship; the loss of that relationship will cause immense distress in your life.
Warmly,
Sol
thanks a lot sol , and regarding soulful maturity, that is something i can work on , right ? I am tried of all these human drams and hurtful emotions. Maybe i can start from reading all the articles here :)
That would be my suggestion, grow in as much self-knowledge as possible. “The truth shall set you free”.
don, how do you think you would feel if your Twin Flame moved on?
I’ve recently felt stuff like this towards a boy I’ve meet a week ago……im not that much of an emotion person… so when i first meet him i was very shocked that a feeling of campfire and recognition ( almost like a big blanket) wrapped its around me tightly. I tried to remember if i ever meet him before but since i found nothing i decided to ignore that….but little things like just looking at this boy got me crazy for him (note: its not like craving for a hot guy, not saying that he’s not cute) ,and he sometimes passed by me and just the smell of his cologne made me want to kiss him very badly. FAST FORWARD TO YESTERDAY- we were training for BJJ and we were rolling to try to get on top, and finally i got on top of him and i suddenly got this crazy need to close this little space between us but i fought against it cuz I’ve only know him for a week! But i didn’t get curious to know why my body and brain are reacting to this boy I’ve never meet till a week, so i asked him tiny personal questions. I asked him how old he was and he told me he’s 13 ( btw I’m 13 too) and then he winked at me and smiled and –god, its very hard to explain how high he got my sex drive (its not like me craving after a hot guy. not saying he’s not cute) — but i need to ignore these feelings but its been a day and i can’t get him out of my head and i need to know, is this a way that my body is telling me we already know him fro a past life or just me being paranoid?
Hola Christy,
It’s beautiful to hear you’ve felt deep attraction toward somebody. You’re at an age where your internal energies are very altered and out of place, my only suggestion is to flow with whatever your intuition tell you.
“Paranoid” is of the mind, love is of the heart and attraction is of your body. Listen to all very carefully and see whether they are providing a harmonious common message you can follow.
Do souls have children? I am having so much difficulty putting this into words. I have been starring at my phone trying to figure how to say this. I found a twin flame couple. Each soul I share a story with, (that doesn’t describe what I want to say still) their union I feel is like a yin and yang of me. I also see physical similarities in each of them in me.
Perhaps if I suspect this they may know already. If there is such a thing. As far back as I can remember, I never felt my parents were my parents. I would sit and try to make sense of it. Couldn’t list a logical reason they would adopt. So I often settled on a possibility I may have been accidentally switch at birth. I have almost nothing in common with my parents and the rest of the family. Thought I was a sack of recessive genes until recently. The least logical yet most comforting for some reason. Funny thing is they are younger than me.
I look forward to your thoughts and guidance on this.
Very well-written and… if I may offer a slight counterpoint: I’ve always been wary of the prefix “soul” anything… “soulmate” and “soulsister” fall into these categories. Why? Because in my experience, these words carry an extreme amount of projection and expectation and are loaded from the get-go. Think deeply about what it means to call someone a “Soulmate” and what you are saying in you mind about this peson. In my experience, these words are red flags and the people who use them almost always become disillusioned and disappointed with the person they knighted with this word. To go from being idealized to demonized. You are loving with a condition: that they will be yous in this “soulmate” way, and when this object does something to disrupt that (which we ALWAYS will), you will become hurt, rejected, and enraged.
I know because this has happened to me more times than I can count. I caution you all to think a bit about this before you use this word… words are powerful symbols and this is no exception. Instead of using buzzwords and cliched labels we read online (i.e. “Tribes” “Besties” “empaths”) and attach them to people, let’s not try to define and categorize anyone and just SEE them. Appreciate them for who they are.
Love people without attachment. Need is not love, it’s emotional hunger.
Hola Someone,
That’s some wonderful advice that you’re sharing, I wrote about something similar not long ago: https://lonerwolf.com/love-selfish-affair/
When it comes to the word “Soulmate”, I use it very mindfully to describe exactly what the experience is: two individuals who momentarily have come into each others lives and have decided to be companions for a indefinite period of time.
As explained in the article there is no universal “Soulmate” but different types of relationships that happen for different reasons and last different lengths.
The failure of many self-proclaimed ‘soulmate’s is similar to the failure of many marriages who profess to love each other till death even though statistics show a 50% divorce rate. The fault isn’t in the word, or the act of marriage, but the lack of self-knowledge people enter relationships with, the fears they carry deep down that make them seek company and escape their solitude and the preconceived notions they have of what “love” means (to them) which might not be the same to the other.
Warmly,
Sol
I think my twin soul is someone I went to school with. We were always near each other even if we didn’t realize it. We effected each others lives many times unintentionally. If I think far back enough he’s always been connected in some way. My brother was friends with his little brother for years. In middle school he sat across from me, my brother told me while at a party during the same time which happen to be at his house he tackled my brother to the ground and told him I had beautiful eyes. It was the first time I had ever felt pretty. The next school year he and other people took away a very dear friend from me,she made me feel almost complete. It left me deeply depressed but for some reason I found it was impossible for me to be mad at him. And over and over again he unintentionally made me overcome, learn, and grow as a person. If he would have never have come out gay I would never have explored and found a piece of myself because for some reason I felt if he was gay there was nothing wrong with it because he is a beautiful soul. I later found out I was asexual. He’s always felt familiar to me more familiar than anyone else I’ve known which says a lot because I have identical twin sister. He followed me to college and the little time I have spent with him I feel like I know him on the inside because he’s like me.
But now I have meet a person who feels familiar too. He’s my English professor. I talk to him often and even have him on Facebook. I went to the park with him yesterday. It’s strange how comfortable I am with him. To me he almost feels like an old friend I haven’t seen in awhile or even a father. He said I appeal to his heart in a way he doesn’t understand. He said I remind him of his daughter. Could he be a soul companion? Is it normal to meet a twin soul then a soul companion? Or have I got everything all wrong
Hola Cathy,
That sounds like a lovely soul to have in your life.
In my experience there is no rules as to who you meet, in what order and what amount.
You can meet many soul twins during your life or none. Love is not a quantifiable emotion that is limited, so the more soulful relationships you have and the more varied, the richer your life will be.
Your professor friend sounds like a soul companion but then I can’t really say that, as only you and him can feel the depth of connection, the type of emotions you arise in each other.
Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with,
Warmly,
Sol
I’ve always heard you can only have one twin soul but you can have many soul mates. Not that it really matters because there both wonderful.
That idea comes from the same romantics who believe you can only fall in love with one person, and marriages should last forever.
Historically relationships were much different from what we know today, and with 50% divorce rates I perceive a revival of the archaic romantic love occurring in the near future.
Thank you. What you said is very true. I’ve never equated two people getting married with two people loving each other. I really do hope there’s a revival. Love today is usually rigged with conditions and expectations.
Thank you for the time, effort and perseverance necessary to produce your site. For the first time in [what feels like] a long time, I’ve felt a much needed testimony of truth within my soul. I’ll be reading your “Crying Therapy…” article next. When I visit your address on the web, I typically visit upwards of 15 pages and often feel compelled to share them, and so I do just that. Brush your shoulders off — your efforts are priceless! *A*
Hola Amber,
It’s wonderful to hear our work resonates so deeply with you. For a long time I wanted to spread the work I did in person to a broader scale, knowing there must be more people who are going through their own journey’s and would benefit from sharing each others experiences.
To find readers such as yourself, who read our work and choose to share their paths with our own if only momentarily and from far away is one of the most beautiful experiences. As the authors, when we read others experiences that resemble our own it is like reliving those moments of realization again vicariously through them.
Thank you for being part of LonerWolf.
Warmly,
Sol
I believe many of our soul mates have been with us through our many past lives. I think our twin souls are often on the other side while we are in this particular life, unless you get extremely lucky. Still, they are always with you in spirit.
That’s an interesting way of looking at it. I’ve come across quite a few people who appear to have found their twin souls so I’d hope it’s not just up to luck. :)
The only way souls can stay in the other side is if they’ve gone beyond the ‘identity’ limitations that keep drawing them back into this world, unfinished business or desires and so forth.
But there’s nothing more beautiful than two souls reaching the same levels of soulful development so they can spend eternity with one another.