When you both met, the tantalizing heat and magnetic connection between the two of you was intense and magical.
Life felt bright, invigorating, and paradisiacal. It was as if nothing, and no one else, existed in the world but you and your partner.
Fast forward five, ten, twenty or more years. Both of you feel tired and burdened by your responsibilities. Perhaps you have children, busy jobs, compacted timetables or other concerns to deal with.
You don’t know why … but something feels lacking. The spark in your relationship has dimmed. Maybe you’re even struggling to find a sense of connection with your partner and are wondering “what went wrong”?
Life has a way of bringing us back to reality sooner or later. As demands, stresses, obligations, and duties arise, it can be difficult to maintain a deep spiritual connection with our partners.
What is a Spiritual Connection?
A spiritual connection is basically a deep affinity felt between two people. This deep closeness goes beyond superficial personality traits, likes, dislikes or shared interests. Instead, a spiritual connection is about sharing the same fundamental values, beliefs, life goals, and dreams as the other. Two people who share a spiritual connection will meet each other on the same vibrational wavelength and will be able to share everything with each other.
Spiritually connected couples often share the following traits:
- Honesty
- Empathetic listening
- Mutual respect
- Gratitude for each other
- Authentic interaction
- Open communication
- Meaningful conversations
- Intimate sex
- Autonomy
- Unconditional love
Spiritual connection is more than just about playing the role of “wife/husband,” “girlfriend/boyfriend,” “wife/wife” and so forth. Rather, spiritual connection in relationships is about meeting at an intimate and raw Soul level.
The Cyclical Nature of Love
No relationship ever remains the same because the nature of life is constant, moment-to-moment change. One minute you will be passionately engaged with each other, and the next, you will both be distant. It’s important to remember that it’s totally normal to experience these fluctuations in your relationship. In fact, you might even notice that your connection with your partner is cyclical, meaning that it follows a circular pattern of change.
For example, one period of time you might share a lot of deep conversations, followed by quietly sharing each other’s presence, followed by a feeling of isolated distance. And this cycle may repeat itself many times. The same can be said for sex. You might go through a period of intense passion, followed by playful exploration, then followed by routinary intercourse.
It’s healthy to experience these fluctuations. In fact, not experiencing these cyclical changes would be very concerning indeed. Not experiencing these fluctuations would signify that one or both of you are clinging to the past and forcing the relationship to be a certain way. On the other hand, a lack of growth and change would signify relationship stagnation. Stagnation can happen for many reasons, but the most common causes are resentment, abuse or “outgrowing” the current relationship.
9 Ways to Create a Spiritual Connection With Your Partner
Creating a spiritual connection with your partner isn’t about indoctrinating them into believing what you believe or liking what you like. Nor is creating a spiritual connection about changing the other person to be more “spiritual.” Both of these approaches are immature and damaging to your relationship.
Instead, creating a spiritual connection is about deepening the Soul contact between the two of you. Spiritual connection is about becoming vulnerable, engaged, attentive, open, and receptive to the other person.
Here are some recommendations:
1. Give more eye contact
One of the saddest things I often see are couples that no longer give each other eye contact. These couples communicate with each other, often stringing out whole conversations without so much as a glance at the other.
Eye contact is extremely intimate. When you give your partner eye contact, you are basically showing them that you are interested and deeply engaged in what they’re saying. Eye contact is not only a sign of respect, it is the best way to connect with another person’s Soul. Have you ever heard of “soul gazing”? Soul gazing is based on the premise that you can bathe in the waters of another person’s Soul through gazing into their eyes.
2. Set aside “us time” each day
Sometimes life is just too damn busy to have the energy to maintain a relationship. One of the easiest things you can do is setting aside time each day out of your busy schedule to exclusively sit with your partner. Even sitting together in each other’s arms on the couch watching a movie is a good way to begin deepening your spiritual connection.
3. Explore what spiritual lessons your partner is teaching you
Even if not done consciously, your partner’s behavior, words, and thoughts can teach you a lot. Having a spiritual connection is about learning how to spiritually grow in your partnership. What is your partner teaching you? Remember, our partners often see our “blind spots” and so can reveal a lot to us about ourselves, even unintentionally.
4. Touch more
Physical touch is an immensely important element of creating a spiritual connection. The subtle energy exchanged through touch is very binding in that it helps to create a deeper affinity with your partner. Physical touch is soothing, comforting, and can often express much more than words can.
5. Have meaningful conversations
What is in your heart? What means a lot to you that you want to share with someone? What epiphanies have you had? Start a conversation with your loved one. I like to have meaningful conversations with Luna during our morning walks. Share whatever is on your mind and find a regular place and time to do that.
6. Find ways to laugh together
Laughter opens the heart and deepens your spiritual connection immediately. Learn how to laugh at yourself, your partner, and together with each other, in a light-hearted way. Even simply watching funny videos together can deepen your bond.
7. Openly communicate your feelings
Most disconnected relationships lack open communication. Open communication is the ability to express your thoughts and feelings honestly while respecting the other person. Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg calls this “non-violent communication” (I recommend that you read his book for more guidance). When you feel hurt, angry, isolated, or any other emotion, express that to them. Not even your partner can read your mind, so don’t make that assumption. Openly communicating how you feel is the cornerstone of an honest relationship based on mutual caring, respect, and love.
8. Practice self-love
It’s true: without truly loving and embracing yourself as you are, you will struggle to unconditionally love your partner. Instead, you will impose endless expectations, demands, and beliefs on them surrounding who they “should” be and how they “should” act. By practicing self-love, and accepting all the light and darkness within you, you will deepen your spiritual connection with your partner. True change comes from within, so if you want your relationship to become richer, you need to make your relationship with yourself richer.
9. Forgive past hurts
Holding onto grudges and mental “tallies” of wrongdoings is a surefire way to sully any relationship. The more you hold onto grievances, the more isolated and distant you will feel from your partner. If you tend to hold grudges, try to make space for yourself to let go and open your heart to forgiveness. Most likely, you may need to openly communicate how you feel to your partner in a respectful and non-violent manner to seek closure.
Even Soulmate and Twin Flame Relationships Become Stale
We tend to idealize our relationships, even soulmate, and twin flame connections. But the truth is that no matter what type of relationship or karmic agreement you have, you will eventually experience dullness. No relationship will stay vibrant consistently, no matter how magical.
The trick is to distinguish between natural cyclical dullness and deeply unhealthy relationships. Sometimes, we get stranded in relationships that keep us spiritually stagnant or trapped in victim, martyr, persecutor, rescuer or love addict roles. If you believe that you might be struggling with a toxic relationship, take our toxic relationship test. There is more advice on the results page.
So tell me, did this article help? What ways have you rekindled a spiritual connection with your partner?
hi. Im Peter from South Africa. Im 32 and my girlfriend is 25. I’ve spent a lifetime building up a wall of selfishness and than allowing it carry on through our relationship. Only worsening what we had from the very first day we became something. Jealousy. Control. Online date sites and just a unconscious mindset. We have child together and he was really the reason why she carried on with us. Although I know that amongst all of the heart ache I caused her. She loved and still inside she loves me dearly. Only after having a personal realisation have I come to terms with my own self and how much I love her. She finds it hard to say she loves me and this hurts. I should feel this because I’ve earned it. I don’t want to lose her to my past faults. I’ve been blind for to long and I know that I can the best for both of us and our son. For the past three weeks after my awakening I’ve just felt dreadfully. Hadn’t eaten for two days and even now my stomach is in knots with anxiety. I can’t take back the past and I can’t expect her to just forgive me. I miss her telling me she loves me and I regret not making more of an effort at the time when she really needed it. There have been subtle indications that she wants to still love me. Of course of have a long road to prove my worth. How do I do more for her. She deserves every ounce and I’m willing to try anything. It’s not about sex. It’s about spiritually being I know who I am for her because my love for her is not just materialistically involved it’s deeper and more complex and yet so simple and true
Thanks Peter. All I can say is keep on your path of spiritual ‘becoming’, the deeper you learn to love yourself the deeper you’ll be able to love others. Try to fix a relationship or win someone back while still suffering from self-sabotaging tendencies will only make things worse. If she’s truly in love with you deep down, she’ll recognize the changes in yourself and the way you treat others and feel more confidence in continuing the relationship.
My relationship can border on natural cyclical dullness & unhealthiness. It can be magical, boring & outright messed up at times, however, I love my partner and have used our time togther to learn a great deal about myself and inadvertenly started on a spiritual journey for about a yr now & stumbbled across Lonerwolf during that time! I will never stay in an unhealthy relationship if that is what it would become. I know the cultivating that needs to be done in order for both of us to reap the full benefits of sharing our lives & love together & I feel confident about gently bringing that into fruition. BEAUTIFUL ARTICLE. THANK YOU. JUST WHAT I NEEDED.
My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years now (this summer it will be 20 years, I was 17 and he was 20) and we have grown and so has our relationship. In the beginning, especially when you are young, it is difficult to truly show who you are, your complete self. You keep the dark and weird hidden. Little by little more is revealed. We can now fully be who we are with all the quirks and faults. I am very grateful for meeting my husband all these years ago. He is a very patient person, which comes in handy with a high sensitive wife ;). He makes me laugh, comforts me and we like spending time together, although we can easily spend time apart. At some point a while ago I started noticing I wasn’t always true to him. I hid little things, like the amount of candy I was eating, afraid of his reaction. I was surprised by my secrecy, but glad I am now aware so I can change it.
For me the physical contact is really important to feel bonded, I sometimes ask for a hug, because some days we hardly touch each other, so that I can take as a lesson from your article. Thank you.
The timing of this article is amazing…especially Forgiving past hurts and loving/accepting oneself. Do we cling to what one ‘did’ for fear of it reoccurring…thus creating a self manifesting cycle? When a memory causes pain or invokes hurt, anger, fear I now sit with the memory, breathe deeply and stare it squarely in the face; feeling and acknowledging the pain (I’m not trying to not take it personally…this sorts itself out automatically somehow) but also asking: Where is the lesson in this? What is my highest purpose? Almost immediately I’m filled with calm…the pain associated with the memory dissipates and my understanding, compassion and forgiveness for my partner replaces the anger and fear. Additionally my acceptance of myself is restored. I repeat this every time the memory triggers negative feelings…each time the process is faster, the positives grow larger, the negatives smaller. In matter of days, sometimes hours, I’m healed and have overcome some real whoppers and can then very calmly discuss the matter with my partner. She doesn’t feel defensive or like a failure for making a mistake…we reset our agreements, both grow and find all of a sudden where at a higher state of understanding and feel much closer. Now when the memory comes I’m flooding myself with love, gratitude (for the opportunity for growth) and thoughts of higher purpose and radiating these thoughts and feelings to those involved. Thanks for offering the words of wisdom in language I could absorb to fill in a few of the missing blocks of this temple of love, forgiveness and acceptance I’m creating in my mind.
Wonderful comment brother, thank you for sharing and I’m honored my words resonated with you.
Nice article Mateo. As you say, even good relationships, like everything in life, are subject to cycles. The thing is not to freak out when it feels like things start losing their shine. It reignites again in time.
As long as we’re aware of the cycles and are both willing to consciously flow with them, the cycles enrich any relationship.
My relationship with my “other half” began 16 years ago. Since the moment we met, we have a link that can’t be broken. We have tested it, we have done everything that could be done to kill it with decisions that were very against us. Our connection is Very flooding, it overtakes anything else that is in our minds and we know what the other feels like. If we are in the same room, it’s like our brains float off somewhere, and stays that way a few days. Suffice to say, it has taken us 16 years, to walk our own journeys, side by side, making our own choices, walking our own stepping stone, learning about all the aspects of ourselves, become strong enough to handle these feelings so they don’t distract us from life. Yes, we have both separated from each other many times. Him more often and shorter. Me less often and much longer. We were younger in body and less mature in the early days. Now we have lived through about every experiences together. We have alway, usually been the good thing that we could count on, through moves, job changes, deaths in the family, children, serious health issues, getting more tired, getting older, looking older. Now finally, “at this time” we are actually taking the slow methodical steps to get closer in the way of more vulnerable, more exposed, sharing more, talking more – we have always been best friends – but now we are actually more like a couple. And who knows where we will end up. It depends on if it all works. Him and I have both learned to be happy no matter what happens, with us or life. So we are safe. We have never not be complete over the top excited with each other. All our time together are better than the last. I don’t know what it is with us – we have a spark that just gets bigger, even though we are older and not the same as we were. It’s all in the connection. Its so mental. We are very unique I think. You hear about twin flames all the time. But I have never heard of a relationship that has been so intimately close, yet so far apart, for so long and yet step by step, just grows and grows. People don’t get it. Him and I get it. It’s pretty hard not to for us.
I know what you mean, it’s inexplicable but who needs to explain it? Enjoy it for the spark of expansive light that it brings. :)