Cassie from England asks,
Recently I discovered that I’m a highly sensitive empath, but although this discovery helped me to better understand who I am, it doesn’t really help alleviate my emptiness. I have struggled with depression since I was 13 and have tried to commit suicide multiple times. I feel as though I’m ruining my parent and sister’s life because they’re always so concerned about me. I hate it. But as hard as I try to be happy, I feel lost, numb and completely alone. I’ve tried medication, but it only deepens my feeling of being dead inside. What can I do to “be normal” again … if there even is such a thing?
Depression is a topic that we’re frequently asked about. And there are many causes of it. If you’re currently struggling with depression it might be caused by any one (or combination) of the following reasons. It might be for example:
- Situational — or caused by external events such as a death, tragedy, loss of employment, etc.
- Hormonal — caused by an internal imbalance of chemicals
- Biological — triggered by genetics
- Seasonal — caused by the changing of seasons (as seen in seasonal affective disorder)
- Intrapersonal — caused by toxic beliefs and perceptions that lead to low self-worth
- Existential — caused by a lack of meaning and soul connection
This article will only be dealing with existential depression which is resistant to traditional treatments such as psychotherapy and medication. For this reason, existential depression is often the hardest, most stubborn, baffling and persistent form of depression. But it can be healed.
What is Existential Depression?
In a nutshell, existential depression is a spiritual crisis. It is crippling, profound, pervasive and highly personal in nature. Clinically, existential depression falls into a “grey” area as it is often classified as “uncaused,” although it can sometimes be triggered by internal or external crises.
Signs of existential depression include:
- Continuous “deep thoughts” about the meaning and nature of life
- Intense desire to answer seemingly unanswerable questions such as “what is the purpose of existence?” “what happens after death?” “why was I born?”
- Intense dissatisfaction with the state of society
- Feeling disconnected from others (thus few or no friends)
- Feeling misunderstood and on a “different level” to others
- Chronic and profound loneliness
- Sensations of being “dead,” “numb” or “empty” inside
- Disinterest in social contact because it feels shallow
- Melancholic moods
- Anxiety
- Loss of interest in usual pursuits
- Lack of enthusiasm or motivation
- Low energy
- Belief that most things are “futile” or “meaningless”
- Contemplation or attempt of suicide
If you’re suffering from existential depression you’ve probably been taken to, or sought out, psychotherapy already. Chances are that it didn’t work for you, and no matter how much medication, counseling, or analysis you underwent, your feelings never left. If this is the case, you probably feel even more hopeless and alone than before.
But the true failure lies not with you, but in the psycho-therapeutic profession and its blind treatment of all depression as “one and the same.” Writes one author:
The danger with depression in the gifted adult is that to 99% of the psychological profession “depression is depression is depression.” Thus someone who presents with “depression” is drugged and treated for “depression.” Sorry! Wrong! But thank you for playing.
What Causes Existential Depression?
So then, if existential depression is not like usual depression, what is the source of it?
As I mentioned previously, the clinical understanding of existential depression is that of a vague and uncaused mental illness. (In other words, it isn’t external, biological, seasonal, hormonal or to do with self-esteem.) But this is an extremely superficial definition, and one that it based on the limited insight of the psychotherapy profession.
As someone who has personally struggled with existential depression in the past, and counseled countless others with the same issue, I can say confidently that existential depression is a crisis of the soul. That is why I have written about it in the past being connected to something known as “the Dark Night of the Soul.”
If you don’t know what the Dark Night of the Soul is, it’s a period in life when we awaken to the deep disconnection we have with our souls. Our souls are the deepest sources of our creativity, hope, joy, love, bliss, compassion, energy and passion. When we lose touch with our souls, we lose touch with our deepest essence or divinity. And when we lose touch with our essence, we feel lost, alone and empty. This is what is known as “soul loss” and THIS is the very cause of existential depression.
The Dark Night of the Soul was originally written about by the 16th century mystic St. John of the Cross. He described it as a period in life where the soul yearns to reconnect with God (or Spirit). Although the Dark Night of the Soul is a painful and tormenting experience at first, it is actually a cause for celebration. I know this sounds crazy … but you are finally waking up! For many people the Dark Night marks the beginning of the sacred journey back to Wholeness or spiritual Oneness.
So how do we experience soul loss in the first place?
Soul loss, and our subsequent existential depression, happens for a number of reasons. Reasons can include, for example:
- High sensitivity (HSP)
- High intelligence (emotional and intellectual)
- Contemplative personality type
- Soulful maturity
- Tragedy or hardship
- Poor self-awareness
- Self-abuse
- Soulless living (e.g. being raised with thin values, working in a trivial job, making choices that aren’t aligned with the soul, destructive societal influence, etc.)
Without fail, I have always found that existential depression is the product of being a sensitive person. After all, sensitivity allows us to feel what other people usually can’t feel. This is usually why existential depression sufferers feel so isolated and misunderstood: they really are on another plane of existence from the typical population.
At heart, the existential depression sufferer is always some form of “gifted” individual — a poet, artist, philosopher, healer, mystic or sage in the making. Because such people find very few places to call “home” in our current society, it’s no wonder that they naturally feel misplaced, alone and consumed by irrelevance.
Recovering From Existential Depression
Recovering from existential depression can be immediate (in rare circumstances), but it is usually a gradual process.
I want to share with you what I have discovered that helps speed up this process:
1. Re-frame your unhappiness.
Give your pain a meaning. Learn to see your unhappiness and meaninglessness in a different light. This is where being introduced to the “Dark Night of the Soul” helped me out immensely: I realized it was a journey, not just an endless pit of suffering. Yes, when you start out it sucks. But eventually you start finding your path again with time and patience.
2. Realize that the mind is limited.
Certainly it is natural for us to want all the answers in life. But this is what I found: the more answers you get, the more questions you ask. The mind is an endless cycle, an endless labyrinth of questions, thoughts and more questions. But here’s the thing: the mind is not all there is to life. Don’t fall into the trap of making the mind and the intellectual pursuit for answers your God. The mind is only one layer of existence, and it can actually PREVENT you from living.
As author Søren Kierkegaard once wrote, “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
You might like to read more about this topic in my article, “What is the Point of Living?”
3. Stop, pause, be still and know peace.
If you have ever read into the works of enlightened people you will discover one major message: peace can be found in every moment. And this isn’t some airy fairy promise, it is a reality that you can experience first-hand. But it requires patience, stillness, and dedication.
Meditation is one of the best ways to experience this deep, eternal, abiding peace. Make sure you dedicate at least 10 minutes in the morning to meditation — try to increase it to 30 minutes or even 1 hour eventually. There are thousands of articles and many studies out there that have focused on the miraculous benefits of meditation. Read into them, watch YouTube videos to find different techniques, and find your niche.
4. What fills your soul with fire?
If you are unable to answer this question, think back to childhood … what did you love doing? If you still aren’t sure, explore different fields and topics of interest. Find what your passion is, or what makes you feel excited, fulfilled, energized and engaged.
5. Nurture yourself.
Only you truly know what you need and want from life. Therefore, only you have the answers and love you need. Be kind with yourself and show self-love. Release old patterns, thoughts, beliefs, situations and people that don’t support your well-being.
6. Be responsible for your happiness.
No progress can be made without self-responsibility. You need to 100% commit to your growth and fulfillment as not only a human being, but a soulful being as well. You can read more about how to do that here.
***
The Awakened Empath eBook:
Written for the highly sensitive and empathic people of life, Awakened Empath is a comprehensive map for helping you to develop physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual balance on every level.
I truly hope this examination of existential depression has helped open some new doors for you. I would love to hear your experience with this topic or any advice below. You could help a lot of struggling people out there.
Finally, if you are contemplating suicide, please seek immediate help here. Your life is a precious gift and one that can be salvaged, transformed, and healed if you allow it to. Please note that this article is not meant to diagnose you in any way, it is simply offering my opinion and experience. In many situations, seeking professional help and taking prescription medication is not only important, but life-changing.
Existential depression is often linked to going through the process of Spiritual Awakening. If you think you might be going through a Spiritual Awakening, you might like to look at our book “The Spiritual Awakening Process” for more guidance.
This is exactly how I’ve been feeling since I lost my husband, my soul mate.
Thank you so much. You are a blessing, your purpose is clear, with LOVE…Julie
I can’t see the meaning of thanking you, this is the immediate thought that has just come to my mind, but glad to read your thoughts. I feel like we are somewhere lost in an endless emptiness and trying to reach each other just to feel temporarily connected. I can never forget that morning in my life when I woke up and felt totally strange to myself. It was like my previous soul left my body when I was asleep. I felt strange to everything in life and nothing was familiar anymore. At first I felt like it was an existential phase but the absurdity of life started to invade my soul and gradually I started to feel too nihilistic like I am falling into a deep dark bottomless hole, but despite all of that I feel more real than everyone around me like I am the only one who truly exists. I feel like I lost those glasses that make everything colorful in life. I think I can trace the roots of this experience in my case. Since the beginning of me in this life I opened my eyes to one of the most closed societies in this planet, religiously fanatic and dictatorship rules the land. I was just a robot in this huge religious machine and of course under the guidance of the greatest ruler have ever existed. When I became 21 I left the country for the first time to study abroad which was something very new to us. It was truly a time travel, left to the one of the most human rights advanced country, new society and peaceful land and people and on the top of that it was a beautiful green land something I had never seen in my life except when I used to visit the oasis to see my grandmother which was fake green. Not to forget to mention that I am very sensitive person, good reader and dreamer. In the first few years I was just questioning my life, I was taught about the world from very young age something different from what i was experiencing. I asked too many questions and read a lot and I could feel that i was heading somewhere where there is no real compass and one day I woke up different in that country. Now I live back where I am from, not much changed back here I feel I am the only human and the rest seem collectively agreed on what is the meaning of life, you can never talk about this kind of topic. However, what I found out is that no matter where you live whether it is an advanced country, dictator country, open society, closed society and to name a few.. The hardship of existential depression is the same, you will always have that isolated feeling, that deadly look at life, the meaninglessness that creeps into anything you come across of and just kills everything that you assume is finally the key to the last door. What I learned is just to wait wisely till that prospective incident would alter everything, One thing that I am capable to feel now is that in this dark place where there is only one stream of thought allowed and where the people of the place stick fanatically or obediently to this stream, I am free simply free.
Till then I will try to stick to your process and see how it would reflect on my soul. I hope this is the prospective incident I am waiting for. Peace and Love to you.
Creation stories, the expanding outer space, the origin of God, what are we going to do for eternity, So if God didn’t exist then we won’t be here, the universe is 14 billion years old, what was there before the first year…. THESE THOUGHTS make me feel so depressed and i wonder why I think about these things. I have lost my zest for so many things in life. How do I go back to being normal?
I have to disagree with those who think depression all links to our mothers or past traumas. Those are the things stated here that can be controlled well with therapy, this depression can’t. Personally I think my case stems from my INTP personality type (the thinker/philospher) that truly sees the value in emotions/reality but doesn’t prefer to live in that reality as much as my mind which when not disciplined can lead to a rude awakening when I have to come back to Earth & deal with life. Then throw empath and psychic and supernatural experiences into the mix & you’re just bound to have a bad time in modern society. I remember being an infant who couldn’t even speak yet mentally being this way & questioning why I was here, etc. My parents especially my mother were incredibly loving supportive & amazing. They truly accepted and praised my individuality. It was me who pushed them & everything away. If I fell and got hurt as a child, my mother would try to nurture me but I’d lash out and would want to comfort myself. I’ve never needed to be cared for or validated by other people even though everyone tried. I think many thinkers are like this & our biggest problems are due to us finding emotions or neediness illogical in a world that is built that way. It makes us feel incredibly empty as we’re told over & over again that were wrong for not feeling so intensely or needing others to lean on
& makes us feel like something MUST be wrong with us then psychologically. We already think far deeper than the average bear & now we must have some emotional disorder. That’s what’s robbed me the most leading to emptiness. I was happy with who I was but because my emotions and needs were different I was made to feel like I was incomplete, wrong, bad. Depression varies by person with many different causes and treatments but what’s been working for me is realizing that who we are is already whole and perfectly imperfect. Seeing ourselves as broken because someone else decided that for us wether an individual or expectation of society is often the problem. We don’t need to fix our souls, we need to learn to love and appreciate who and what they are and that comes with self love & self acceptance.
I am a highly sensitive empath, healer, soul peerer, etc. it’s quite irritating I often wish I didn’t exist or that I was normal. Lately it’s been very difficult feeling all this crazy/chaotic shifts of energy going on in the world, ive decided to try out the 10 day vipinassa retreat, hoping I can reach a bit of peace. Also been dealing with a creepy crawler for 2 years that latched onto my soul or something :/ (if anyone knows a way to excercise this thing outta me, shaman) please let me know. Also, are there any meet ups???? (would be nice to get together w/people that I can relate to :)
First and foremost, I’m glad this topic was talked about and the insightfulness about it was shared.
I never knew about ‘existential depression’ and this describes EXACTY what is going on with me – their’s a terminology for it. I’m glad I can now be aware of what’s happening in my life right now. I can only hope I guess, that I do find my purpose and thrive from being wholesome and/or happy again because a meaningless life isn’t worth living. Thank you Loner Wolf you guys are truely the best. I always look forward to reading your new topics as they appear in my inbox (:
I absolutely love the Lonerwolf website and everything that you guys write, but I think it is very irresponsible to suggest that SSRIs are always a bad thing. You just have to look on the internet to see that a lot of depressed people have had a very positive and extremely life-changing experience with them, which has allowed them to leave depression and anxiety behind and lead positive lives for the first time.
I was in a very dark place before I was prescribed with SSRI’s and I hate to think what would have happened to me if I hadn’t started taking them. Before Celexa I felt like I was drowning in a kind of suffocating swamp, in a never-ending Dark Night of the Soul, unable to lift my head above the mud, full of crushing thoughts about how useless and awful I was – and how my life would never amount to anything.
Since taking SSRI’s I’ve had a kind of spiritual awakening. I actually have self-esteem for the first time ever, which is an extremely unusual experience for me. I’m no longer unable to focus on anything but my own misery, and have, over the past few years, built fabulous friendships and rediscovered my joy in life and the world around me. I go out for drinks, to the theatre, to dinner etc – I’m able to appreciate the beauty of things, of life and the beauty of the earth beyond myself. I feel like I am a much better person, more open minded and accepting of others, because I am not 100% always focussed on myself.
And most importantly, I have the peace of mind to be able to write a novel, something that I’ve wanted to do for the longest time ever, but have never had the mental focus to be able to do until now.
SSRI’s might not be the right thing for everyone, but they very definitely work for some people – a lot of people probably. And I think that if your doctor prescribes them for you, then you should give them the benefit of the doubt and take them.
SSRI’s might not be the right thing for everyone, but they very definitely work for some people – a lot of people probably. And I think that if your doctor prescribes them for you, then you should give them the benefit of the doubt.
SSRI’s might not be the right thing for everyone, but they very definitely work for some people – a lot of people probably. And I think that if your doctor prescribes them for you, then you should give them the benefit of the doubt.
SSRI’s might not be the right thing for everyone, but they very definitely work for some people – a lot of people probably. And I think that if your doctor prescribes them for you, then you should give them the benefit of the doubt.
Hi, pls save me as I’m feeling very much depression and full of anxiety.there days are feeling very dark period for me.a lot of thoughts are going continuously in my mind even though whatever I’m doing.im sleeping,standing doing work my thoughts of being lonely ,empty.have lost everything’s .nothing left to me though my wife and children staying with me,im feeling alone.I thought nobody is loving me,care me,they do not listen to me.they do not obey to me though I fulfilled all of their desires at all coast.im feeling very measurable since last 8 months.i do morning walk and exercise of 1 hr daily and 1 hr prayer to God and my deities to normalise the things.nothing left in my life.no friends no relatives no god no family to help me to recover.i used to cry daily for hrs.i thought to comitte suicides several times .please help me.
There are other people like you out there I PROMISE YOU. And they have gone through the same. They have and they have pulled through. But one thing I can assure you is that nobody can help you if you don’t let them. If you perhaps are feeling down you have to admit that maybe there is something you can change. There is always someone to talk to, there is always someone to share with and to get advice from. I can tell you as a survivor of an excrutiating depressive period – there is an answer, an answer for your very problem and you WILL find it I promise. If you are dedicated to bettering your life the good will come to you. Anytime you need to talk you can reach out and you can start with me. If you have anything to talk about just answer – I’m always here :)
Thanks stay an Manchester, your reply has really encouraged me a lot and I’m feeling a little energy within me to be stand up again.pls keep continue to give more valuable encouragements.i welcome you.i really will be greatful to you of it take me to betterment of my life.
Sorry Stoyan Manchev for wrongly spell your name
The diagnosis is correct, but there is no remedy.
Once you know that physical life bores you to tears, and nothing is worthwhile, then there is nothing else for you to do. Either you end your life here and now and be done with it, or just count the days till you pass away naturally – if like me you are too lazy to even end your life.
Maybe this is a calling to go beyond the physical and search for the spiritual – I mean what do you have to lose, all you can do is gain ;)
Inspired by your post I looked back at my life and I summarised my experience with thinking – where it began, what it served me for and what I should do now. I’m undergoing a lot of changes right now and in the process of clearing out myself of the old I find myself to be really inspired to put it into words. So I wrapped this contemplation in one little text. I hope you enjoy.
“In the searching of answers”
1. That noise – be damned. Damned… but I suppose it is, after all, useful. After all, as much as it has hurt me, it has helped me as well – if we don’t look pessimistically.
2. From a little boy it never left me alone. As much as I ran, there was nowhere to hide and as much as I hid, nowhere to run – it ALWAYS caught up to me.
3. It didn’t bother me in the beginning , it didn’t cause me any pain. Until THAT day. The day that the sky fell.
4. In the darkness I didn’t KNOW what to feel but I particularly remember that I didn’t KNOW what I KNOW and most certainly I didn’t THINK I KNOW what to THINK.
5. I lethargically carried through everyday life, I didn’t feel the air, didn’t sense the aromas, didn’t taste the food – it was only a filler for the bottomless pit in me.
6. But one day I decided enough was enough so I tried climbing towards the light, but the more steps I took, the farther the light seemed.
7. ”Why is this happening?” – I remember asking, while my despair took over me. “Why”… That is one very deceiving QUESTION.
8. And so I continued trying to climb, I slipped, tried again and slipped once more and again and again… Whatever I did I ended up at the same position – lying on the bottom, sinking even deeper.
9. And as I was witnessing the last miniature beam of light disappear, there, in the absolute darkness, ONE ANSWER dawned upon me. And I began laughing.
10. And I laughed. My laugh echoed in the pit, which almost seemed to press me tighter and tighter. And then and there I spoke the ONE ANSWER to ALL QUESTIONS – “I don’t know.”
I really enjoyed the fact that you posted this article/thought process/awareness. It would have been something I would have needed and appreciated earlier in this existence. I understand the article CAN be helpful for some people lost in the TANGIBLE place this current life is. So, in the tangible sense, you can feel good that you posted this. I do not need to put good in quotes, because I am sure you know what I mean. I just wanted to say, very nice article, and I am glad you 2 are trying to help others along the path. Maybe we 3 can speak someday. If it shall pass, it shall. But in the current time, keep persisting in the positive . I appreciate your sharing.
“At heart, the existential depression sufferer is always some form of “gifted” individual — a poet, artist, philosopher, healer, mystic or sage in the making.”
This is so true.
The other day I bookmark the article that Sol written about “Why Therapy Doesn’t Work For You” to have a back up for demonstrate that I am not the only crazy saying these things.
To reach the point of being truly aware that a lot of my patterns were “psychological resources awaiting cultivation and embodiment within us”,
It took me so much hardship, suffering and misunderstandings that even can’t start to tell you.
Despite this revelation years back, I’m still journeying the Dark Night of the Soul, I believe, leaving it.
This article contains so much power inside, and truth.
I will bookmark it as well. Thank you so much for your work.
My deep pleasure Mati! I’m so glad our work can help you find your way.
<3
Why do I always fall into something existential? Depression, thinking, emotions, intelligence, illness, etc. It’s like the “category” hasn’t been invented, unknown cause, the grey area you mentioned.
Perhaps a higher calling? :)
Can I have a lower one, please? It really is out of my reach
You don’t know until you reach for it :)
Sometimes I wonder if the long drawn out years I have felt weren’t a kind of soul death.
Like when my mother was choking me at a year old in the crib? My sister pulled her away and stayed with me until I moved.
Maybe the soul part of me had already died at that point?
Or when she tried bleeding me out as a young boy, I felt all the stages of dying from the full cognition of a kid. But the life that she failed to take was just that much less a life to be lived?
Like each other time after was just whittling me down to a husk.
But I still have some hard to describe “ways” of feeling life.
And as cold as I feel walking through life, I feel like I feel everything so extremely at the same time.
Almost like a paradox that makes me feel like a ghost and a lightning rod all at once.
I used to think of dying all the time.
But only as an unfinished job.
Is that soul loss?
Since I feel no soul or spirit. I feel memories and experience. Neither of which seems a mysterious or enlightening thing to me anymore.
If something is a new experience, I take it in at that moment because the memories seem the only lasting product. But only last while alive.
Not lasting.
Make sense?
I think so, although I might be a little blurry on what you mean.
Being on the verge of death at the hands of your mother has obviously left a very deep scar and wound. Our mothers are supposed to be our supports and foundations, and when that is taken away from a young age, we grow up feeling unstable and lost. So yes, it does sound like you might be experiencing soul loss. But the thing I always like to remind people about the concept of “soul loss” is that it can become another story people cling to in order to victimize themselves. The best thing to do is to go deep into that pain and explore it. Allow yourself to finish the mourning process. Explore the ways you dramatize, re-play, and re-tell your pain. Open to moving on, understanding, truly forgiving, and finally loving. The soul can be retrieved slowly through this dedication. It’s hard, but absolutely possible.
I grew up in a very abusive home too, and felt like you are describing. The first step for me in breaking out of that prison, was to finally remember my abusive experiences exactly as they were – and seeing myself finally in how I felt and what I experience, and that I was a victim who needed ME to empathize with. I had this very huge lake of tears deep inside surrounded by a very thick glacier keeping all that pain in. That is why I couldn’t feel anything. Every time I felt a treat, another defensive layer of ice would pack on. Because I knew that if I let that whole glacier break at once – it would over take me. So for days, I would just visual a small crack in the glacier with the lake of tears gently flowing out, and the ice melted a bit each day. I would cray sporadically probably for a month or so, as the tears flowed out in my mind and body. But they were sad tears. They were simply emotion releasing at a gentle consistent pace. This wasn’t the end of my healing but they were the first breaking step that allowed me to feel the world – feeling it, and being less defensive with others that didn’t deserve it. maybe this will help you. In any case, peace be with you and I hope you feel better soon.
Hi Luna,
It always seems like your articles come to me at the time when I need it most. My existential depression is one that I think might be the hardest to solve; its NOT from a deep emptiness or of life lacking meaning, in fact its quite the opposite. My depression stems from the fact that our world is so flawed and unjust that no matter what I do, it won’t be enough. I have great meaning and purpose in my life. However, after watching several documentaries (one being called “Requiem for the American Dream” which I highly suggest watching) and attending a sustainability college, I have learned just how rigged and inherently evil our capitalist economy truly is. This may sound like some sort of conspiracy theory type stuff but if you take a long hard look at our society today I feel like everyone could agree that our world today isn’t ‘working’ anymore. How can I overcome this? I’m feeling more nihilistic everyday, almost to the point where I don’t feel like I care if I live or die. I’m not afraid of death and I don’t want to kill myself but the society I live in is one I do not condone and don’t want to be a part of anymore. Any advice?? Thank you as always for your work.
I agree purplelephant. The society we live in is deeply flawed and corrupted. “It’s no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a sick society” said a wise man. And the more you dig, the more despairing you become of it all. My advice is to see the humor in it: it’s one big charade! That is why people are so attracted to figures such as The Joker and his nihilism — innately we know that there is something deeply skewed with our way of life. So learn to laugh at it and know that it won’t last this way forever. Also, it helps to stop digging so deep into society and its flaws. The more you dig, the more depressing stuff you find. It seems to be better just to make peace with the fact that our society is f*cked. But also find hope in knowing that nothing lasts forever, and we can only do our best now.