Cassie from England recently asked us,
Recently I discovered that I’m a highly sensitive empath, but although this discovery helped me to better understand who I am, it doesn’t really help alleviate my emptiness. I have struggled with depression since I was 13 and have tried to commit suicide multiple times. I feel as though I’m ruining my parent and sister’s life because they’re always so concerned about me. I hate it. But as hard as I try to be happy, I feel lost, numb and completely alone. I’ve tried medication, but it only deepens my feeling of being dead inside. What can I do to “be normal” again … if there even is such a thing?
Depression is a topic that we’re frequently asked about. And there are many causes of it. If you’re currently struggling with depression it might be caused by any one (or combination) of the following reasons. It might be for example:
- Situational — or caused by external events such as a death, tragedy, loss of employment, etc.
- Hormonal — caused by an internal imbalance of chemicals
- Biological — triggered by genetics
- Seasonal — caused by the changing of seasons (as seen in seasonal affective disorder)
- Intrapersonal — caused by toxic beliefs and perceptions that lead to low self-worth
- Existential — caused by a lack of meaning and soul connection
This article will only be dealing with existential depression which is resistant to traditional treatments such as psychotherapy and medication. For this reason, existential depression is often the hardest, most stubborn, baffling and persistent form of depression. But it can be healed.
What is Existential Depression?
In a nutshell, existential depression is a spiritual emergency. It is crippling, profound, pervasive and highly personal in nature. Clinically, existential depression falls into a “grey” area as it is often classified as “uncaused,” although it can sometimes be triggered by internal or external crises.
Signs of existential depression include:
- Continuous “deep thoughts” about the meaning and nature of life
- Intense desire to answer seemingly unanswerable questions such as “what is the purpose of existence?” “what happens after death?” “why was I born?”
- Intense dissatisfaction with the state of society
- Feeling disconnected from others (thus few or no friends)
- Feeling misunderstood and on a “different level” to others
- Chronic and profound loneliness
- Sensations of being “dead,” “numb” or “empty” inside
- Disinterest in social contact because it feels shallow
- Melancholic moods
- Anxiety
- Loss of interest in usual pursuits
- Lack of enthusiasm or motivation
- Low energy
- Belief that most things are “futile” or “meaningless”
- Contemplation or attempt of suicide
If you’re suffering from existential depression you’ve probably been taken to, or sought out, psychotherapy already. Chances are that it didn’t work for you, and no matter how much medication, counseling, or analysis you underwent, your feelings never left. If this is the case, you probably feel even more hopeless and alone than before.
But the true failure lies not with you, but in the psycho-therapeutic profession and its blind treatment of all depression as “one and the same.” Writes one author:
The danger with depression in the gifted adult is that to 99% of the psychological profession “depression is depression is depression.” Thus someone who presents with “depression” is drugged and treated for “depression.” Sorry! Wrong! But thank you for playing.
What Causes Existential Depression?
So then, if existential depression is not like usual depression, what is the source of it?
As I mentioned previously, the clinical understanding of existential depression is that of a vague and uncaused mental illness. (In other words, it isn’t external, biological, seasonal, hormonal or to do with self-esteem.) But this is an extremely superficial definition and one that it based on the limited insight of the psychotherapy profession.
As someone who has personally struggled with existential depression in the past, and counseled countless others with the same issue, I can say confidently that existential depression is a crisis of the soul. That is why I have written about it in the past being connected to something known as “the Dark Night of the Soul.”
If you don’t know what the Dark Night of the Soul is, it’s a period in life when we awaken to the deep disconnection we have with our souls. Our souls are the deepest sources of our creativity, hope, joy, love, bliss, compassion, energy and passion. When we lose touch with our souls, we lose touch with our deepest essence or divinity. And when we lose touch with our essence, we feel lost, alone and empty. This is what is known as “soul loss” and THIS is the very cause of existential depression.
The Dark Night of the Soul was originally written about by the 16th-century mystic St. John of the Cross. He described it as a period in life where the soul yearns to reconnect with God (or Spirit). Although the Dark Night of the Soul is a painful and tormenting experience at first, it is actually a cause for celebration. I know this sounds crazy … but you are finally waking up! For many people, the Dark Night marks the beginning of their existential crisis and the sacred journey back to Wholeness or spiritual Oneness.
So how do we experience soul loss in the first place?
Soul loss and our subsequent existential depression happen for a number of reasons. Reasons can include, for example:
- High sensitivity (HSP)
- High intelligence (emotional and intellectual)
- Contemplative personality type
- Soulful maturity
- Tragedy or hardship
- Poor self-awareness
- Self-abuse
- Soulless living (e.g. being raised with thin values, working in a trivial job, making choices that aren’t aligned with the soul, destructive societal influence, etc.)
Without fail, I have always found that existential depression is the product of being a sensitive person. After all, sensitivity allows us to feel what other people usually can’t feel. This is usually why existential depression sufferers feel so isolated and misunderstood: they really are on another plane of existence from the typical population.
At heart, the existential depression sufferer is always some form of “gifted” individual — a poet, artist, philosopher, healer, mystic or sage in the making. Because such people find very few places to call “home” in our current society, it’s no wonder that they naturally feel misplaced, alone and consumed by irrelevance.
Recovering From Existential Depression
Recovering from existential depression can be immediate (in rare circumstances), but it is usually a gradual process.
I want to share with you what I have discovered that helps speed up this process:
1. Re-frame your unhappiness
Give your pain a meaning. Learn to see your unhappiness and meaninglessness in a different light. This is where being introduced to the “Dark Night of the Soul” helped me out immensely: I realized it was a journey, not just an endless pit of suffering. Yes, when you start out it sucks. But eventually you start finding your path again with time and patience.
2. Realize that the mind is limited
Certainly it is natural for us to want all the answers in life. But this is what I found: the more answers you get, the more questions you ask. The mind is an endless cycle, an endless labyrinth of questions, thoughts and more questions. But here’s the thing: the mind is not all there is to life. Don’t fall into the trap of making the mind and the intellectual pursuit for answers your God. The mind is only one layer of existence, and it can actually PREVENT you from living.
As author Søren Kierkegaard once wrote, “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
You might like to read more about this topic in my article, “What is the Point of Living?”
3. Stop, pause, be still and know peace
If you have ever read into the works of enlightened people you will discover one major message: peace can be found in every moment. And this isn’t some airy-fairy promise, it is a reality that you can experience first-hand. But it requires patience, stillness, and dedication.
Meditation is one of the best ways to experience this deep, eternal, abiding peace. Make sure you dedicate at least 10 minutes in the morning to meditation — try to increase it to 30 minutes or even 1 hour eventually. There are thousands of articles and many studies out there that have focused on the miraculous benefits of meditation. Read into them, watch YouTube videos to find different techniques, and find your niche.
4. What fills your soul with fire?
If you are unable to answer this question, think back to childhood … what did you love doing? If you still aren’t sure, explore different fields and topics of interest. Find what your passion is, or what makes you feel excited, fulfilled, energized and engaged.
5. Nurture yourself
Only you truly know what you need and want from life. Therefore, only you have the answers and love you need. Be kind to yourself and show self-love. Release old patterns, thoughts, beliefs, situations, and people that don’t support your well-being.
6. Be responsible for your happiness
No progress can be made without self-responsibility. You need to 100% commit to your growth and fulfillment as not only a human being but a soulful being as well. You can read more about how to do that in our personal responsibility article.
***
I truly hope this examination of existential depression has helped open some new doors for you. I would love to hear your experience with this topic or any advice below. You could help a lot of struggling people out there.
Finally, if you are contemplating suicide, please seek immediate help here. Your life is a precious gift and one that can be salvaged, transformed, and healed if you allow it to. Please note that this article is not meant to diagnose you in any way, it is simply offering my opinion and experience. In many situations, seeking professional help and taking prescription medication is not only important, but life-changing.
Existential depression is often linked to going through the process of Spiritual Awakening. If you think you might be going through a Spiritual Awakening, you might like to look at our book “The Spiritual Awakening Process” for more guidance.
Another thing that helps me with this is studying The Michael Teachings. I recently have started recovering from this kind of depression through what I have learned through the teachings and I can tell you that it is possible. Thank you for this wonderful, spot on article.
Thank you for the article, I never heard about existential depression, it hit my feelings on the nail.
I have suffered from loss of soul and depression since childhood; persecution and suffering in dealing with others; made me better isolation; I took medicine and only helped me to sleep; life is a journey on your own to discover yourself
I’ve been suffering from exisential depression the last few years, probably in truth, much longer than that. Unfortunately I’ve suffered the whole childhood trauma thing, rape at 15, tragic loss of my husband and daughter at 19. I didn’t receive any type of counseling after any of these traumas, nor did I know I was an hsp and an empath. Fast forward 35 years. Drugs, marriages, shopping, all quit working and the ability to avoid left me very depressed. 5 years of counseling and I learned the words hsp and empath. Unfortunately, I was resistant to do all the hard work and my therapist let me go. Another 4 years passed in depression. I’ve run away from my home twice at almost 60 years of age so that I didn’t carry out suicidal thoughts. I don’t do the things that will help me i.e. meditate, self love, eat properly, regularly. It’s what I hate most about myself. Nevertheless, I persist when I’m able to. I’ve learned I’m a healer of sorts I guess though it zaps what little energy I have when I practice it. I learned there is a name for the technique I’ve used though I had never heard of it when I did it. It involves blowing breath out of my mouth, I don’t remember what it’s called. I’ve recently had a vision during meditation that explains why I suddenly started researching growing my own food and searching for land to live on. My authentic self is a vegetarian yet I remain addicted to processed food and still eat meat, it’s easier to avoid than make the changes (I intellectually know that’s false). Sorry for the book long comment, no one understands, they think I’m crazy and try to get me medicated. Medications haven’t worked. Living my authentic life is the only answer I’m sure. I plan on succeeding at this before I leave this earth!! You have both enlightened me through the years, I’m just a poor student. Thanks for all you do.
I am an HSP/empath, very likely have had existential depression since I was very young. I recently broke off a relationship of 13 years with a narcissist. Now on top of the existential depression, going through yet another dark night of the soul. I recently retired from my soul sucking job and at the same time left my soul sucking relationship. I used to think it was just my job but it was him too. I like your site, I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I have never fit in anywhere, always felt alone, always questioned everything.
I am currently going through my spiritual awakening, and I stumbled onto your website, and wow am I happy that I did! I found out that I’m an indigo child and I have existential depression. It’s so nice to put a name to what I’ve been experiencing. Thank you so much, this article was so helpful:)
Why is it that highly sensitive introverts (Deep thinkers, deep connectors) are more likely to feel empty and lonely when they are in a soul crisis (they aren’t accessing their true selves)? I feel like everyone has a mask on their true selves but it doesn’t affect them as much as it does me. I recently had an awakening and I’m confused as to why it happens to people like me more than others.
I was enjoying this article so much I was going to share it to my page. But then it said to remember to take medication and seek professional help. WHAT???
Soul loss, and spiritual depression is a process. Dumbing down our connection with the divine with toxic drugs is the EXACT opposite of what you need to do. And professional help is a waste of time, unless they happen to be spiritual and also awakening. They will deem it a problem, a chemical imbalance or some other dangerous nonsense. The author of this article is clearly far from understanding this issue.
I agree that this is part of the process, hence why we’ve covered extensively the topic of soul loss in other articles. But it’s also important to remember that people are subjective beings, it’s very easy for an individual who may have a genuine mental illness to use this self-labelling of ‘soul loss’ to justify something that might actually be a dangerous mental illness.
To avoid such recklessness, we encourage finding professional help. This may not be a traditional psychiatrist, but there are many spiritually informed therapist in the fields of somatic experiencing, transpersonal psychology and others. Please don’t encourage people to be reckless.
I second Anne: a wise and encouraging article on a misunderstood topic is marred by that final line, as if you’ve been pressured by doctors to write it. It negates your opening gambit about this kind of ‘depression’ being different. It also downplays the serious likelihood of being section for expressing such thoughts and of how abusive and controlling as well as unsympathetic that psychiatry can be. I recommend MindFreedom to better understand this. You’ve not really explored giftedness, which isn’t the same as HSP necessarily – I recommend Mary Rocamora on this. Many giftedness advocates and counsellors show alarm at how medication damages sensitive, empathic people, and how commonly it’s prescribed as a fix and an imbalance. I take issue with your last line, Mateo, which tells off the person who critiqued you as ‘reckless’. I think that precribing medication and professional ‘help’ without a discussion of the consequences is more dangerous.
Thank you for this and other articles you’ve posted. I find this as a guide and for deep thought for people who are suffering. I’m greatly disturbed by other comments that seeing a therapist and/or taking medication by some people is irresponsible to include. What is irresponsible is that people assume an individual’s journey. I’ve seen countless desperate people who have a need for a therapist and medication decide to just quit taking medication and end up taking their own lives. Obviously, the people who are chastising this article for bringing up therapy and medication don’t have a clue what it’s like to be in the other person’s shoes. This article is for your own self discovery, NOT for comments on other people’s journey. It is a starting point. In my own desperate attempt, at one point, to skip steps, would mean a setback for my soul. I’m just saying, please don’t tell people that they don’t need medication or therapy to get through what they are going through. Countless people have committed suicide over this.
Finally someone can describe what I’ve been feeling for the last year or so. Everyone had me so convinced I was just feeling sorry for myself for no good reason. Thank you so much for giving me a place to start my journey back to wellness.
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
― J. Krishnamurti
I found this quote years ago and thats when I stopped agreeing to medication as a means of being able to fit in. I am 60 and my whole life I have felt “weird”, alone in my something different. Maybe I just find cruelty, corruption, human suffering, trashing of our planet intolerable and shouldn’t that be the norm… really? There is no other option but to find your own safe place in this world and that comes from within but it is a hard journey to finally accept yourself after feeling all wrong for so long. Only with a recent health crisis that has isolated me for 6 months have I come to realise beating myself up with my sadness and frustration at myself for finding the world a tough place to be has not been ok, I am not too wrong for it but rather I have to live it my way whatever that way is. I have always found being an empath an absolute curse but am learning alot here to change that so thank you :) Really, we need to earn to step more fully into our own being not run terrified from it.
I loved this article. Depression is not always something you can just put in a box and label, it’s different for everyone. i wish more people could see that. I will commit to these steps and increase my self soothing techniques, meditation, and nurturing my inner child. Thank you Luna and Sol!
Thank you so much for this article This is what I’ve been through and went all these steps during several years. That led to experiencing oneness as a huge miraculous joy of just being here together with all nature on this earth. I never had depression since, and it was more than 15 years ago. I really would like to encourage everyone to patiently work through difficulties, learn and especially DO more because this can’t be achieved just from reading, you have to take action.
Can antidepressants help existential depression? What type of therapy can be helpful?
The problem then arises when you try to get help and everybody tries to “fix” your problem. I’ve stopped trying to “fix the problem” and started looking for perspective because you learn virtually nobody has an answer to begin with.
Luna you made an awesome work. I read all of the comments too and heeded all of the words written here. I empathise with you all. I suffer from existential depression since I was 12 (now 36) but I now know all is not in vain and lost. I feel I have a mission or purpose here on Earth. Something slow revealing to myself. Otherwise I would not have this deep, sensitive and complex soul as Luna said in one of her replies (and cracked my heart open). People, please be patient, never ever give up on yourselves and know that there is always phos (light) that shines through. There is a Divine Plan running and we just play along. Thank you all.
I have lived exactly this path. At 57 while at a meditation retreat in New Zealand. While healing in the bush, I was subject to what I would call being hit by a ball of energy which I could only call the Love Source. After a huge journey of 50 years of undiagnosed depression, I now see my whole journey as an apprenticeship of sorts. I am now doing readings and healings for those struggling with their journeys. Through all my hardship I always believed that everything could be healed with Love, and now that is my life.
If we choose our life before we come to earth, I think I chose True Love. The only thing I didnt plan on was that to appreciate True Love, first you have to experience what it isnt. My hardship and pain was well worth my journey to understanding Love, and having the knowledge to appreciate it so much more.
Peace and Love to all.
Dead, your comment expresses the very pith of existential depression. When others have such a visceral reaction it only shows how you’ve hit a nerve and reflects their inability to handle the truth.
All this is fixed when you find YOUR HP that you can believe in and ask what your purpose is. My HP is Jesus. He works miracles!!!
Thank you. Your article on existential loneliness touched a lot of chords with me. As I imagine it has with so many others struggling with this complex entity. I have been asking a lot of searching existential questions. Psychotherapy was totally ineffective and you have helped me to see why. I am a very sensitive empathetic and intelligent soul who has always somehow felt apart from the rest of the world, different, as if I don’t belong here. And that hurts a lot, it’s incredibly painful, and is a dark secret. Your list of defining characteristics were scarily familiar. There isn’t one I dont live with including utter emptiness of the soul and wishing to die. Things have never been quite as awful as I’ve been feeling over last year or so as I have entered my sixties on my own with almost no prospects of getting back into employment . I wonder why I’m here, it doesnt seem worth it or make any sense. But I feel a tiny bit less odd and alone now I know more about what this is, that it really exists. Why isnt it talked about and explored more?. I’ll try to do some of the things you suggest to help myself. Not an easy journey, I might struggle to make any difference. But I do honestly believe I will never really be free of it as it has pervaded my whole life. We are born alone and die alone but reading your article has made a tiny difference and that’s worth a lot.
“We are born alone and die alone but reading your article has made a tiny difference and that’s worth a lot” – that means a lot to me Dee. It can be hard to offer comfort for such a complex topic. As for why it isn’t explored more, I believe that existential depression is feared, misdiagnosed, and largely misunderstood – hence why it isn’t written about much. I would also hazard a guess that the average Joe doesn’t experience existential depression as this type of despair is generally felt by deep, complex, and sensitive souls (of which the world can often lack). It’s a philosophical and metaphysical issue which starts becoming very intimidating indeed. Perhaps more commonly, existential depression is framed in the context of undergoing a Dark Night of the Soul (see this article: https://lonerwolf.com/the-dark-night-of-the-soul/). I’d encourage you to explore the Dark Night of the Soul if you haven’t already.
With love,
Luna
When you get older, you will discover some very unpleasant facts. You cannot change these facts. You are alone in the Universe and no one will ever care. Love does not exist. Life is horror. All you have done and the exhilaration of accomplishment has no value. I have no value, meaning, or purpose. I will end up dead soon enough and no one will care whatsoever. It becomes too late in life and there are no second chances. Dreams and hopes rarely if ever materialize in the vast majority of the population. You can grasp at some fleeting moments of inspiration, but ultimately you are alone in the Universe. So, this is how hundreds of millions of people actually feel if they can feel at all. To deal with the horror of existence, feelings will vaporize. I am grateful, thankful, and appreciative of all that my fellow humans do for my well being each day. I have a deep hope for their happiness and that they will avoid realization of these facts. I deeply hope that they will find solace in religion or something illusory that masks the facts. But the truth is these horrifying facts are true just as the laws of physics are true. I wish with all of my being that it were otherwise. But life is a total waste, meaningless, lonely, journey to death and nothing more.
A significant part of my personal and professional life has been/is linked to love for and affinity with nature. There is currently a realisation among some “sustainability” professionals that climate change has induced collapse now beyond our control. This takes existential crisis to a new level of sadness and “Ecoshock” for anyone with heart. My own soul work is constantly challenged by this eg. sadness for wildlife and future (and current) generations. I am in my 50s and am not only exploring my own life purpose and journey, but also for life on Earth…..
Mark, you’re the first person I’ve found to express sincere sadness for the destruction of nature. Except I refer to it as “global warming ” rather than the whitewashed term “climate change”. In any case, we seem to be kindred spirits in that regard.
I totally get where you are coming from Mark. I feel the same. Beside my own dark night of the soul and ongoing existential depression, I feel so saddened by the state of the world and the destruction of nature that there is never a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. And I am HSP/empath so this affects me so deep I often feel like throwing up because it is so painful.