Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling empty, numb, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magical wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why, you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
I strongly encourage you to read my last article, “Twin Flame Separation – Why It Happens and Why It Haunts Us” if you would like some help with doing this.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journaling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
Finally, be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope?
Becca
May 16, 2019 at 14:13I met my twin flame Sept 2018. It was intense and passionate but full of drama and so much up and down. We fought all the time. We both struggle with the same demons. His behaviour towards me got worse over our short time together and he became emotionally and verbally abusive. The final separation happened two days ago. Unfortunately with what happened it means there will be no reconciliation. It hurts. Despite how he treated me I love him immensely. I miss him.
June
May 15, 2019 at 06:28Tomorrow marks 5 months on my TF journey. We have been in separation for about 5 days.
I do feel the loss, however I’m not devastated, depressed, crying non-stop or anything I’ve read happens during separation. My Twin has “run” before but not for more than a day and I never reacted because I KNEW he would return. This time it’s a real separation and although I feel sad sometimes and I miss him, I can feel HIS pain more than anything. I can feel him calling out to me. The separation is his choice and I’ve chosen to hold space for him to return when he’s ready vs. become the “chaser.”
I have always been focused on my individual journey. I understand the TF relationship and all that it entails, and of course I desire to unite with my Twin as he is my ultimate, Divine partner. I love him without conditions. But to be honest, I’m good. I don’t know why my strength and power continues to surprise me. He always would tell me how powerful I am. Because I should be inconsolable, on the floor, devastated, and I’m just not. Is it because I know in my heart he won’t return and so I’m moving on, or is it because all is well – I’m whole and in alignment with who I am and I’m stronger than I thought…I’m pretty sure I know the answer.
As long as we are separated I will continue to meet with my Twin Flame during meditation, I leave each time with a feeling of happiness and any lingering negative energy between us is cleared (and the elephant gets up off my chest). I have to say this may be one of the reasons why I don’t feel like a hot mess all the time.
I also want to thank you Luna and Sol; when I was searching for “something” I ran across your website and downloaded “The Spiritual Awakening Process.” This was in October of 2018. At the time I had no idea what it meant or why I was compelled to purchase it. Admittedly, I put it down and aside as it was quite overwhelming and some of the content wasn’t resonating. In December, two months later, I found my Twin. Since then I have finished your book and everything makes perfect sense now. :) Thank you for your work, it helped catapult my awakening.
xxx
June
Dan
May 14, 2019 at 01:45I met my twin flame Sarah in September 2017 when she started working with me. I knew it instantly. It’s a feeling that can’t be put into words. I even had a vision about her before meeting. She was married but had been going through divorce for a year by that time. As we worked together more we were drawn to each other and started a relationship in September 2018. I never thought it would happen. She is 12 years older than me and the divorce is still ongoing. When we were together it felt like our souls were dancing; it was a magical experience. She ended our relationship in December 2018 and the pain was indescribable, felt like part of me was lost and I went into depression. Still feel that connection now it’s not lost but she doesn’t share her feelings but I feel she feels the connection but is denying the connection. Things since have been mixed between us and hurtful things have been said by both. I forgive her and myself but I feel she is still running from the connection. She told me that we will never get back together and has tried to justify her decision by trying to say things about the relationship being difficult but I don’t see it the same way, the connection was strong and got along really really well and the problems we experience were tiny. I really hope we reunite. We’re still in contact but she has found another job and we don’t live in the same city but don’t live a huge distance apart. Keep thinking she won’t want to keep in contact and we may never see each other. It’s so hard losing a twin flame.
Evan
April 24, 2019 at 14:51My twinflame died today
RNM
April 24, 2019 at 22:51Evan, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. Separation is terrible enough. Surely there is a higher reason as to why we must go this path. This is the only thing that gets me through. Light and love
RNM
April 19, 2019 at 19:16Is it normal to cry yourself to sleep every night during separation?
Or am I mentally unwell?
Constance
May 15, 2019 at 14:39I think suspecting that we are mentally unwell is par for the course. All of us on this journey question our mental health, as we are dealing with intense soul feelings that we have never experienced before. I myself have felt like I am obsessed with my TF, and worried about why I just can not get him from my head. I have prayed and I have cast spells, to try and help me forget. Crying is normal. Feel your feelings. It is painful. Some days are harder than others. Treat yourself with the same compassion and love that you would show to your twin, you are after all the same soul.
RNM
May 20, 2019 at 06:16Thank you for your kind words
RNM
April 19, 2019 at 18:57I believe I recently met my twin after returning from a long period of travelling. I returned homeless to live with a friend; he was visiting and living with my friend also. The second night of being back from travelling, we had the most intense sex I’ve ever had. It was the pinnacle for me. Being both introverts, over a
month I feel we slowly bloomed into the most amazing connection I’ve ever had. Now he’s left, back to where he is from. It’s two days gone and I feel ripped apart. I don’t know how to move on. I’m usually a pretty emotionally strong person. It this has ruined me.
Nathan
April 18, 2019 at 04:32I met my Twin randomly over the summer. She walked into the room and my heart jumped, I remember it taking my breath away. The complication she was married as was I. I wasn’t looking she wasn’t looking, it happened naturally and the conversation flowed so easily it didn’t seem real. We confided in each other and told each other things we have never told anyone else, and nothing was strange about that. Her stare and gave was piercing to my soul as was mine for hers, the attraction so intense for each other that our hearts beat as one, we checked…for real in harmony. We denied the intensity for what seemed like months, but eventually or minds and bodies have in. We had to be together in every way possible. The issue…I was ready to move on from my marriage that lacked any sort of passion. She had a child and end the end wanted to be with me but couldn’t be that selfish as she put it. We haven’t spoken for close to a month, and the separation is beyond any pain I could have imagined. Everyone keeps saying to move on, but they truly do not understand the immensity of this emotion and connection. I simply cannot forget the best thing that has happened to me, I am attempting to take this advice and to work on my inner self and to improve the way I function in this world. I know she is doing the same, but I also know that she is separating for a time from her current spouse which I know is a huge step for her. I am keeping faith that the twin bond eventually will bring us together someday.
Franco
April 27, 2019 at 20:24I’m in a similar situation. We met over the summer too. My heart just raced when she was in my presence. I surprised these feelings as she was with her spouse too. I ignored her until she kept persisting and I gave in. It creating havoc but the passion between us was so intense. Just how it would be in movies, so dreamlike. We get along so well and she makes me feel at home. We could laugh all day and tell each other stories. Fully engaged. But, apart of me feels resistance at times, and it is definitely not a walk in the park. The circumstances still liner after months and I just feel the separation coming, I have to end it, I’’m looking forward to get through this process and succeed. Deep down inside I know we will meet again.
Robyn
April 13, 2019 at 20:56Thank you for this, it was a huge comfort. I met my twin flame in August last year, while I was separated form my husband (I since filed for divorce, it was for the best), and it blew my mind and my world to smithereens. Intense love, desire and recognition – I had no idea such a depth of intimacy was even possible. I used to think the whole twin flame things was just hokum but there does seem to be a deeper kind of relationship that is nothing like our ordinary understanding of intimate relationships. I am, currently, in the fire of our first separation. My ego/shadow stuff began to show up and I needed a separation to go inside. It was INCREDIBLY painful, it ripped the lid off years of pain and wounding, personal, generational, collective… It’s been harrowing, but also incredibly healing and transforming. We are together again, sort of, but he is distant, and I am still struggling with feelings of neediness and rejection, even though I am the one who asked for space. At least I am conscious about it this time around, which is more than I can say for my marriage, which, while it had a lot of love, was characterised mainly by codependence. Now I am being given an incredible opportunity to bring these patterns into consciousness and heal them. It is a nuclear bomb of a catalyst for growth… And I am so grateful. I truly hope we can work it out and be together. We also happen to not live in the same city, which somehow has had its own perfection. Although difficult, considering the attraction between us, it helped us to work on our communication… I think my shadow would have appeared much sooner and messed things up if I had had constant access to him physically. I am now in a place of surrender. I can’t ‘make’ things go back to the way they were, I can’t ‘fix’ things. I can only trust that all is unfolding for the very, very best.
Daniel James Lerma
April 2, 2019 at 17:11My twin soul and I have been seperate for two years now. Knowing she’s loving someone else, and neglecting me is a struggle, but it also has been giving me a lot of time and space to truly dig deeper inside myself. I’ve been discovering so much more to our relationship, and have been really working hard on clearing karma, finding my true life path, and healing all the wounds that we’ve brought up towards eachother. Despite of how painful twin soul seperation can be, it is also a very important blessing in disguise. It made me dive so much more deeper into our relationship. I’m actually thankful my twin flame is blessing me with my independence. It’s as if our twin flames do this, because they know we don’t really need them to complete ourselves. Despite of not being with her, it’s brought me to open up to myself in unconditional love. As it’s always said, twin flame seperation is an illusion, and it’s so true. I know how bad we all want to come into harmony with our twin souls, and how traumatizing it can be, but before that happens we have to find harmony within ourselves, and take the time to wake ourselves up to everything that’s been hiding within. Then Reunion is destined for endless love with our twin souls.
Sam
March 21, 2019 at 11:44Have dated my tf for almost 3 years. We are actually, well should be, celebrating our big 3 right now. He is an amazing person, I also try to love myself more and know Im amazing as well, and amazing towards him. However I have fibromyalgia, severe anxiety at times, ending a birth control that has me having my monthly for several months now. On top of an already super low sex drive. I just havent been myself lately. So much pain,aggravation, pms ( which I hardly ever feel) as of late. Were both so in love, but I know deep down, as he as expressed a lot, he is angry, hurt, and he is very resentful of the fact I am not more sexual. Let me first explain that it’s super important to him, not because the act itself, not the orgasm itself but he feels so close during and in need of us being the closest we possibly can be. I was super sexual several months in. I suffer from severe childhood trauma. Physically, mentally and some sexual abuse. This has taken it’s toll on our sex life. He told me exactly 4 days ago that I made him miserable. That if it didn’t change we’d end up parting ways. We have gone without speaking before, several days. We make up and are good for awhile. Today is 4 days we havent spoken. Im so heartbroken. I miss him. Even his silly stuff that drove me batsh*t. I miss it all. Im struggling to know if it will work out, or is this really the end. I dont want to make him miserable. I love him and want his happiness. It just so happens he makes me the happiest. Not the unhealthy codependent kind. The tf kind that you just yearn for them. Ive been in therapy for 9 months and Im not at that point of self betterment yet. I think I’m in that ” open old wounds and suffer more than even being in therapy ” stage. Which sucks. I often wonder if I’d be better off stopping. Im not the type of person who needs a cres of people, or needs to tell someone everything to feel better [ nothing against those who are that way] I’m a super independent person and I dont enjoy telling people my personal things. I have a handful of important people. I miss him immensely, and I hope I hear from him. Also I am not doing the whole ” I’m leaving it to him to contact me” out of spite. I genuinely don’t want him to be miserable, so I figure this is my way of letting him go if he wants to be let go of. I don’t want a life without him. He can be an a**hole, but cant we all?! Lol He is such an amazing person and our love isnt the kind one finds in a lifetime or any lifetime for that matter. I know how lucky I am to have such a great man who isn’t like a typical guy. He got sober and has been in AA and we have done great. I support him, go to meetings with him, Im not a drinker. I think of this bc I just want to attest to our devotion and level of love snd support for one another. Im also severe ADHD and super scatterbrained, so sometimes thoughts just pop out. I hope we all can find a peace and comfort in ourselves and heal. I hope we can love ourselves more and just be healthy and not so grief stricken over the loss of our tw.
Peace love and light from NC USA ♡
Is
March 14, 2019 at 21:16I found an outlet for my intense feelings of heartache and bliss by means of art. Though my love seems unreachable in real life, I have given my feelings form by means of poems and drawings. And so He has become my muse. And in this way, I am making this love immortal. At least, for me…It doesn’t change the heartache, the bliss or the torn feeling. It doesn’t make it any easier. But the road travelled is one that is described and can be named and is given words. It is like a testimony to love. And there are poets like Rumi or Khalil Gibran who have written about this road and “the beloved” a long time before. And their words can be like a balsem for the wounded heart.
Picasso
March 13, 2019 at 10:52How did I cope? I cried. I cried and cried and cried so much to where my face is permanently red now and I forever look like a sunburnt native American even though I’m Asian and my eyes are red like I accidentally set on fire a marijuana forest. Yep
Angela Perry
March 12, 2019 at 05:32I met my twin flame and we had the most amazing relationship, until, out of the blue, he broke up with me because he felt he wasnt “good enough “. Its been almost 3 months. I’m in such a state of depression, anxiety, heartbreak. I feel like he hates me, yet I know he doesn’t. He tells me he cant lose me and still wants to be in my life, in any capacity. This should make me.happy, but it just adds to the hurt. I’m at a loss.
Ashley
March 7, 2019 at 09:34I met my twin flame in the most unlikely of places. I was his counselor and he my client. We both knew it was going to have to end. That the relationship was unacceptable by ethical standards. And the relationship…it was so much more than love or heart felt. Days before I knew he was to leave I was physically sick in his presence, stomach in knots. He too knew I was his twin flame. He told me that while he understood the boundaries he had to tell me I was his other half and while the universe would never allow us to be together in this life he knew I was the one. And so do I. Now I sit here married to the man I knew I was never supposed to be with and separated from my true other half. The question is do I pursue him or quit trying to interfere?
mommy4love
March 12, 2019 at 04:39I’ve heard of others divorcing and pursuing (even getting) a relationship with their lost twin flame only to discover that it didn’t amount to what they expected. Often to have it also end it failure. A Course In Miracles, which is a profound book for spiritualists, speaks at length about the spiritual dangers of cultivating a “special relationship” above any other relationship. I think this is profoundly true, even though I also know there’s a real and powerful connection between me and my own “LTF”. I believe in following the path underfoot and trusting God to lead me as He sees fit. If he wants me to be with LTF, He’ll make it happen His way. In the meantime, I’m going to give everything I have to my relationship with my husband, who is a great guy despite not being my LTF and I’m determined that, at the end of it, we’ll be able to say about one another, “we made a damn good partnership,” with or without the rose petals. I’m pretty sure I’m not his TF either, and I’m sure that’s annoying for him too. But God requires us to love everyone unconditionally, so that’s my goal.
Ashley
March 20, 2019 at 06:08Thank you for that. I have doesn’t a lot of reflecting and have decided that it is not worth the loss I may suffer through pursuing my tf..
Ashley
March 20, 2019 at 06:09**I have done
Chad Harrison Nails
February 27, 2019 at 05:17Right now I’m in the process of making friends with my pain into and learning from it after the separation that me and my twin soul. I still love her incredibly oh, and the separation sucks, but I am learning more so about my shadow self and how to further incorporate that as well.
mommy4love
February 13, 2019 at 10:48First saw him in a vision when I was 13. Met him when we were both 19. I think he was too young to know how to handle it; he couldn’t let me in… We were like best friends for a year, but never dated. He might have gone for hooking up and seeing where that led, but he had a girlfriend and I don’t compromise on my dignity. It was a clean (exquisitely painful) cut. We both knowingly married others… A few years back, I reached out to him and, two hours before he replied, I felt an inexplicable surge of joy. I think I was feeling his heart as he wrote his reply, which was the nicest thing he’s ever given to me. He’s always there, my last thought, my first thought. When I think of him now, I pray for him, which gives me some release. It’s been 17 years since we last saw one another and we’ve gently reverted back to the “clean cut” no-contact policy. We live on opposite sides of the world. I live on the continent where he grew up; he lives on the continent where I grew up. He lives where my calling may take me, even though it’s a place I have no desire to be a part of. In the meantime, the pain of separation has triggered profound growth in my life–I have dared to learn and grow at a phenomenally rapid pace, and with courage I wouldn’t have had without this grief, without this crackling of intense, burning love. First it was out of anger and desire to prove something to him. I’ve forgiven most of that now. I remember the way he used to look at him and it’s profoundly energizing for me. Now, it’s more the beauty of his existence, and all this creative energy that I have for him for which I have no outlet. I think God has big plans for this creative energy…I think He’s harnessing me to do something Big. I confess… I have not yet found the place where the pain of separation goes away. I keep myself overly productive because in quiet moments, the grief can still overwhelm me. I look happy on the outside, but he haunts me and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it. Except the internet, apparently. At 4 am. Certainly not with my husband, who is a beautiful soul, and wonderful partner, and to whom I am 100% devoted. Still a bit confused there. I once tried to talk to him telepathically, and I got in this weird moment wherein I surprised myself by telling him, “We’ll see each other again.” I guess eventually we will, either this side or the next. …I’ll be glad when it’s over.
Hh
February 10, 2019 at 00:45It will get better. Keep the faith in yourself.
Elizabeth
February 10, 2019 at 00:40Ive crossed paths with my TF for 18 years now. I was drawn to this beautiful stranger. A spark occurred, that turned into a fierce flame over time. I didnt realize what was going on. But now in my 30s, everytime we see each other. Its so intense. The vibration is pure euphoria, that you literally awaken people around you.. But its so confusing, loving someone so much and being afraid to tell him because its hard to grasp. Then all the purges have not been done. This time around after being intimate fully with each other was too much. It sparked a kundaluni awakening, that now we hate each other. It hurts so much. As im left reeling. This pain is worse than the divorce of my ex husband. Who I loved dearly. The fears coming to the surface are intense. Years of suppressed emotions. Ancestral stuff. Feeling like you belong nowhere, questioning what is my purpose? As I walk out in public and everyone around me is like robots. Sheep. Im so weak right now in body, mind and spirit. The pain is too much. Im haunted. This is my sweet surrender. Its time to heal me, and find my correct path. The world needs light. Not more darkness.
cort collet
February 4, 2019 at 17:33I lost my twin 3 years ago. It was the best time of my life when we got together. never have I experienced such a love like we had.. and I destroyed it .. Every bad thing that had ever been done to me , I did to him. and now he is with another woman . I have survived a lot of bad things in my life and this is by far the most painful , cruel thing to have to ever endure. I have no one to talk to about it either, people tell me get over it , move on , but I cannot.. I am a strong woman and this is tearing me apart.
Gilly
January 22, 2019 at 20:20Hi gilly again, writing here about my twin flame separation is therapeutic as I have no one else to share it with our relationship was secret as we are both in good marriages with childrrem and grandchildren … it’s like the wind got knocked outa me … We were closer than friends we were 1 we spoke for hours a day he made me laugh he stilled my tears ..he’s my knight in shining armor we are not angry at each other we still love each other but can’t be together … it’s very fresh so time will pass and hopefully ease the pain .. some days I think why. Did we have to meet ,as the gap and empty space that he filled is Like this huge dull ache … but truth is he made a huge impact on my life we lived near each other and run the same circles and that makes it harder .. it was the best 3 years of my life he’s sewn into my heart and my soul as crazy as it might sound I love him more than anyone that I have known or live with ..yes we r maintaining a civil relationship we r cordial … when we were together the whole world stopped I’d wake up with him and go to sleep with him even now I wake up and he’s the first thing that hits my mind ..he’s way older than I am and the attraction was not regular it’s like we were 1 big heart and now cut apart like I said I have a family and children and grandchildren so I put up s smile and move on but inside there’s this raw pain I smile on the outside because I’m a happy person by nature but he was and is a huge part of anything I am he brought out all my true colors everything I did was for him he gave me more than he even knows. Crazy part is he’s not hurting like I am .. maybe it’s a woman thing in the last 3 years my universe rotated around him how do I undo that how do u unluv. Is it even possible I am a successful upbeat woman luved and adored by many but his luv was all j needed whn I looked into his eyes I saw myself it was intense flame btween us somtimes id wish that everything I’m my life with disappear and there wud only be us because in reality we could not be toghet I love him and feel him forever he will and has made the most amazing impression on my life .. there are times of the day that tears come tk my eyes and I choke back trying to block out I know I will heal .. but the even after healing there will be a scar and j will never forget all the good he has brought out in me I will cherish the memories forever !!! Thnk god he’s alive I can’t imagine the world without him .. luv him forever!
Sasha
February 14, 2019 at 05:56Our situations almost identical. I’m glad i read your reply, I know I’m not crazy. When you meet a person who makes you feel at home, you can’t undo this feeling, or unlove. The hardest part is to know how deeply we love each other, but we can’t be together. Unconditional love, what gives me some peace is realization that I’m blessed by knowing this kind of love and by receiving it back. Circumstances are hard to accept, but if we meat to be, we will, well, to be real, we already are together, connected forever.