Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling numb, empty, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magical wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred.
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why, you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
I strongly encourage you to read my last article, “Twin Flame Separation – Why It Happens and Why It Haunts Us” if you would like some help with doing this.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger.
At first this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression.
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journalling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain.
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness.
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false.
6. Integration.
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
Finally, be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope?
I met my twin flame 10 months ago. I knew it right away. We were in such an intense wave of love and it felt like we were just coming home, after a long trip. Reuniting. It was the best and most unique that’s ever happened to me. We have been geographically separated all the time, but got engaged and the made plans for the wedding. Took long international trips to be with each other. Nothing else mattered. But then, the challenges began.. and it seemed that every word was wrong, he felt provoked and diminished by every word I said. It was never my intention to put him down but old demons came back and he got insecure and took it on me. 5 days ago I ended it all, which completely devastated both of us. Even though there were issues, he never thought they were that big.
I can’t explain the emptiness I fell right now. It’s a part of me that’s missing. It’s a pain in my soul that I can’t put away. I know that twin flames not always can be together but I’m so so disappointed that it had to be us.. My eyes see only teats, my body hurts and I really don’t know how I’m gonna take myself out of this black hole. I know our issues are big enough to separate us, even though he doesn’t agree. I will always love him. I know that. I’ve always known that.
Please give me some advice to ease the pain. It’s unbearable
Denise Merriman … I too met mine online via twitter. We are now 4 years into this journey having never met face to face nor ever really talking about what this is. Someone else decided to tell him for me and that prompted being blocked on social media, yelled at and accused of being the worst person on the planet (he’s married – karmic I’m sure of it) I may never know what it’s like to be with him, let alone maybe ever talk to him again… I’ve done so much work these past two years I’m tired of doing it, I’m tired of simply feeling only the energy between us.
while I enjoy the telepathy it simply isn’t enough anymore.
I enjoy my singlehood, going to movies and such by myself…
My friends and family seem to have disappeared.. when i make contact they don’t reply, and I’ve usually been the one initiating.
So suffice to say… I’m alone and at times feel very lonely.
This too shall pass.. one day maybe…
I do love myself.. I am a good person and am worthy, like I said I’ve been doing the work and been doing other things energetically. I’m just tired of trying… without seeing much in the way of change in any area of my life to be honest.
Guess I just have to accept what is…
Dated my twin flame for a month prior to his moving to another state. Eight years later, we still couldn’t let one another go despite lots of arguing (long distance) ignoring one another, dating other people.,etc
I chased, he ran. He chased, I ran. The merry-go-round was too painful so I made the choice to get off the ride.
Changed my phone number, email, job, home…any trace of me was gone. Thought I’d finally moved on and could get my life back on track but to no avail.
A year and a half after our last contact, he’s still with me
I feel him when he’s sad, thinking of me, having a hard time, or happy. His energy rests beside me while Im tucked into bed,. while at work, walking on the beach…everywhere! Everywhere except in the physical form. I’ve tried many ways to block him and it just doesn’t work
It’s so painful and seems cruel to know a love like this exists and yet may never see one another again. I’ve prayed for God to give me a sign we’ll magically be together in this life, better versions of ourselves, but feel it’s just wishful thinking at this point.
Everytime I’ve wanted to reach out, an intuitive message tells me it’s not the right time and let him find me. How could he? There’s no way to locate me. We don’t have mutual friends, I’m not on social media.
Haven’t been intimate with a man in five years. Not for lack of offers but becquse they are not him.
How ridiculous it sounds that I’ve seen him twice in 9 years (one of those visits, a horrible fight),only dated a month, and still long to be with him
I don’t want this anymore. I want a normal life, a normal relationship. Some believe twin flames are a blessing. To me, it’s a curse
I met my twin last June online. Him trying to become better in English and me in French. The intensity was unreal, nothing I had ever experienced before. We were so connected we did not have to talk, at times we were just on the phone in silence and yet communicating….this was not from this planet. He was having panic attacks at that time, had separated from a long abusive relationship just 7 months before, so had I. He was in treatment for his panic disorder when I met my twin…he had to be under medication to even meet me physically because his attacks grew. When we first physically met, my soul recognized him. I knew it was not the first time we were meeting. Everything was familiar and then we hugged and we just sat there. I almost fainted from the intensity. We had both fallen in love, but he was feeling so unworthy of himself, he managed somehow to convince himself that anything erotic should never exist between us. However none of us could resist the attraction when in the same room. We met overall 3 times in 6 months. He kept disappearing, reappearing and all of this time 3 words were in my mind and kept popping up: forgiveness, patience, acceptance, the virtues I needed to wok on somehow. We both tried and supported one another a lot, but the erotic from my side was always there. He kept saying not to expect anything from him erotically, but when we were video chatting all I could see in his eyes looking at me was the erotic. I was accepting everything. He was lying a lot to me and finding excuses for not meeting again physically, but every time I needed his help he was there. We last met physically before Christmas. I was so happy to see him, I had missed him so much, but when I told him that, he never replied. I knew that his brain had managed to convince him that I was too perfect in his eyes to be a life partner. I was always hoping he would wake up to see we were all we needed to be happy and together.
One month and half ago, days after we had last physically met, I texted him for Happy New Year, he wrote back he had met someone and that he could never love me the way I wanted him to :((( I was utterly shocked, the blood left my body. He said it was all an exchange and he was clear from the beginning. I got numb. I asked him how could he sleep with me some days before and now tell me this. He never replied. He said that he cannot be connected to anyone else as he was giving energy to her :((
I´m struggling a lot since then. I told him a couple days later to forget I ever existed. I regretted my words. I miss him so much, I´m trying to cope with the pain, trying to accept that´s the sad story of twins always. I wanna forgive me for blaming me all the time and I wanna forgive him also for all the hurt he has caused me. I am trying to cope with the rejection for no reason. I don´t want to spend my life suffering. I wanna move on, but I don´t know how. I´m so lost.
I asked him to talk last week, but he never replied back. Maybe he is too happy with his new life, while I am so broken…I cannot feel happy for him, supposedly twins feel unconditional love….my ego has grown bigger, his also. Then I think to myself that maybe we are not twins, but then something happens and I´m reminded he´s not gone.
To those that wish they met their twin: Don´t! It may be a blessing at first, but the hurt and suffering is excruciating.
I really wish I had not, because I did not ask for all this or if I did without wanting it, I had no idea what it brings….
I really don´t know how people cope with it for years and decades and survive and feel blessed and still send all this love to their twin….it´s so damn hard for your heart to survive this. I feel I will never anyone again because I feel so betrayed, really….Any advice and comments are much appreciated. Thank you.
I met my twin flame and lost him. It’s a very sad story. I struggled a lot, reason againt heart. I have been fighting for 8 years now. He is going to marry another girl and she is waiting a baby. I’m suffering a lot. I don’t have time now but I will tell you my story in the next days.
Is it recommended to share that you believe you are twin flames, or leave it up to him to figure that out? We are separated right now and I truly believe he is mine .. it’s just odd to me that after 6+ years of fighting to stay together .. now that we are both at the start of our journey to spiritual enlightenment, that we break up.
Hi, Kirsten. I don’t know what is ‘recommended’ or what is ‘good advice’ or whatever. I think we know in our heart whether or not to share our belief will make a difference. Certainly, I have not shared my own belief with the woman who i thought is my twin flame because i felt in my heart that it would not make any difference to her decision to leave me to be with somebody else. And i think that hankering after somebody who you believe to be your twin flame is in a way counterproductive because then you miss out on the chance for happiness; and in any event perhaps the other person may not yet be spiritually ready to be with you. I believe in other lives and in other worlds and other universes – so, will we be together in this one? Maybe, maybe not. But just think what i might miss out on while waiting…. :)
Thank you for your response and honesty .. I agree. I’m learning so much already from this separation and am excited in a way for what big plans the universe has for me.. I’m not sure I would have been able to embark upon my journey while still holding onto him, so in a way I am thankful he was the one to let go .. I can only hope he finds the same truth and happiness within himself that he’s been longing for all these years. I often wonder why we couldn’t take this journey together but I’m learning to accept that it isn’t for me to understand. I’m exactly where I need to be.
I did share with him that I thought we are twin flames. This got him scared, but I think he knew already as we have discussed many signs and discovered crazy things about our lives and the other, he even knew a nickname for my dog that no one else knows but me….He tried to rationalize at times the whole connection, earth it down if we can say that.
When I met mine I knew things about him before I knew his name it was crazy, I never heard of twin flames but the meeting was so spiritual I read about it and I knew/ I voice told me he was the one. I knew when he traveled when he was across the us and when he was sad and happy I knew his thoughts , I even knew when he was going to write and what it was going to say ! I knew he was the one. He got back with his wife he was seperated from even though I know he loves me . He is a runner, I have not heard from him in almost a year but I feel him it drives me crazy. Does he think of me?
My twin flame is married to someone else. He loved me since we were young and I always overlooked him… then one day I realized I loved him the entire time. We do a lot together but it hurts to see him with someone else… knowing we will never be together and our amazing Connection we always had means nothing. My heart hurts that’s how much pain I’m in. We are both married with kids.
The perfect love I feel for my beloved is what keeps me smiling through the pain. I’m married to a soul mate and I have a beautiful daughter full of love and light with my husband. After my twin flame found me, I realized just how blessed I truely was and that my purpose now was to grow, heal and transform so my daughter has me at my absolute best. Working as a healer for 12 years now has prepared me to cope with my twin being a runner. I would leave my husband for my flame though, if that’s what the divine truely wanted and if my flame was present and by my side. Our mission is my purpose ultimately.
Ending things with my twin flame was the best thing that ever happened to me!
Twin flames are meant to collide and expand. And boy have I expanded – mentally, spiritually, etc. All of it wouldn’t have happened if he would’ve married me like I thought I wanted.
I don’t believe the majority of twin flames are supposed to be together and that expansion or integration as she beautifully says here is the final stage.
Hang in there guys :)
http://www.gurussay.com/twin-flame/2015/3/lessons-learned-from-meeting-my-twin-flame-a-year-out-from-breaking-up
My twin flame and I met each other online I had just gotten out of a very tumultuous relationship and I moved in with my best friend and her husband. The last thing on my mind was trying to date somebody I moved out here to be single and focus on myself and self growth and allow my Independence to shine. So naturally this is when all the signs in the universe pointed to try out match.com unbeknownst to me the same thing happened to him. It was an instant connection I was getting ready to delete my match.com since I’ve been out the night before and had nothing but scary gorillas and very bad-tempered men writing me. He wrote me and as he told me I was the only woman that he wrote he got on looked at my eyes and really had to write me from the first sentence there was a connection of vibe and electricity through the phone. Our first date was at a castle at a ball… not wanting to jump directly into a relationship we took it kind of slow I’m a little bit of a classy are ladies so I have certain expectations which I told him right away. He asked me to be his Angel forever on May 8th and our relationship went from zero to 60 very very fast. He confessed and propose such beautiful promises wanting to spend the rest of his life with me seeing me as the mother of his children always professing his love how in love he was calling me is Twin Flame looking up twin flame learning my language every single day I wake up to books on my cell phone from him. We had a beautiful amazing relationship it wasn’t until our 4th month that obstacle started to show their way. A horrific event dealing with his job cause me to see a different side of him. And even though I came up with brilliant options Hayfield felt like he wasn’t good enough he felt like he wasn’t enough man and he crumbled. Ultimately our separation happened not more than a month ago. The pain is unbearable some days I can’t even get out of bed naturally I keep a journal but I’ve started to keep it separate Journal just for him so that he may read it when we do see each other again. I’ve also noticed I’ve been singing or playing piano painting dancing acting and modeling more. I got the dreaded I need space and time and grow up conversation and it completely crumbled and crushed me. How can somebody be so in love yet make you feel like you’re not good enough? We talked harmoniously from August when this happened up until October 9th my last text to him was this past Friday and although I’m giving him space I’m giving him time and I’m trying to focus on myself I’ve talked to other twin flames that have told me that they truly believe our reunion will happen especially with how much he confessed his love and I confessed mine. I understand that it’s a Divine thing we have to go through this so that we may be reborn. But it does truly suck and it does truly change my idea of suffering when it comes to love. For now I wait I work on myself and I try to get my life in order and figure things out we left things on a very high note he said such wonderful things about me and how much he loves me. If this was a normal relationship I would be done I wouldn’t have any help and I wouldn’t move on. It is the farthest thing from a normal relationship I felt his soul today while walking on the beach with my girlfriend I’ve done the soul cleanse and the twin flame connection I’ve met him in the white tent I’ve seen him since this all happened. It does worry me that some of these discussions are from people that never met back up with them I pray with all my heart and all my soul to God to the universe to my spirit guide but they will bring us back together because I know in my heart of hearts he is he was supposed to be with the rest of my life. I wait patiently for a reunion but in the meantime I focus on self growth I focus on Independence and I pray for his happiness and his peace thank you for listening
Marcel, How did you do that?
My twin flame passed away July 8th. I know he is gone from sight but I still feel him. I some times feel like he is sitting in the same room with me. I can feel movements in a room I’m in. What hurts me so bad is missing the touch. The fire between us. The look, the sound, the connection, the touch that neither of us had ever felt before. It’s not an easy process healing from this loss buy I know that (I feel that) I just have to maintain and little early my life to its fullest and I will be with him again on the otherside.
The similarities to my own story are scary. Even the phrasing and wording are identical to my journal entries. I hope I’m as fortunate as you one day, to find love again. Thank you for posting.
It feels so comforting knowing someone else out there went through this painful process as well.. Although i wish it never happened in the first place, I’m starting to see how it was supposed to happen. Thanks for the comment, happy trails friend :)
I described parting our ways of me and my twin under other article. Earlier he was running and I chasing. So many times did I feel as if all the light was gone from this world. I rose and fell. I missed him, loved hime, tried to forget him. One summer I had a love affair, then a strange relationship with someone I just liked to talk with but he tricked me into bed. I felt my soul tearing for my twin. it screamed. It was the moment I realised how important he was for me. A year later we got back for real. 6 months we were happy together. We had strong telepathic contact. Then, suddenly it stopped. Something was wrong. Again, he was avoiding me. I started suspecting something but he reassured me it was temporary trouble with money. Another 6 months i spent suffering because he distanced himself from me. I went for holidays to Rome alone. Texted him telling that I wish he could be there with me because it really is a wonderful city and I understood what it meant “to see Rome and die”. A month later, he went there and…took there his other girlfriend. I was devasted.
He won’t get another chance as a boyfriend but I do love him unconditionally despite what he did… I have learnt to love other people too. I had another boyfriend after my twin and my twin recently helped me when I was in pain beacause of other break up (some energy work, we didn’t get in touch physically). I will always love him and I wish we could talk from time to time and to meet a soulmate with whom I could have life and family.