Losing your twin flame is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.
Whether through death, circumstance or the inability to coexist together, twin flame separation is a nightmare.
The absence you feel is profoundly incapacitating.
The loss you struggle with is like black quicksand.
Your crushed hopes and dreams cling to you like shrapnel.
You walk through life feeling numb, empty, lost.
There is nothing in life that can quite compare to the deep and intense grief of losing your beloved.
How to Recover From Twin Flame Separation
Grief is an important part of the healing process. My intention isn’t to wave a magical wand and make your pain go away. Instead, my intention is to help expand your perspective and facilitate your recovery.
You are a strong, worthy and spiritual being. You deserve to pick up the pieces, heal and move on with your life. Open your heart and take in these words for a moment. When we experience immense loss it can be hard to remember these truths.
Before you read this list, I want you to know that although it felt as though your twin flame was your universe, you are capable of finding wholeness by yourself.
Recovering from twin flame separation can take months, often years, and sometimes decades. For this reason, always be gentle and patient with yourself:
1. Understand why the separation occurred
Often in order to find peace of mind, we need to understand why something in our lives occurred. If your separation was deliberate, you might like to explore the underlying reasons and causes. In understanding why, you’ll be able to learn important lessons about yourself that will help you to mature as a person.
I strongly encourage you to read my last article, “Twin Flame Separation – Why It Happens and Why It Haunts Us” if you would like some help with doing this.
2. Realize that twin flame separation makes you stronger
At first, this almost sounds like a sick joke. Stronger? How could that possibly be true?
While losing your beloved temporarily causes immense sadness and distress, in the long term it can forge you into the person you were meant to become. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, twin flame separation burns you so fiercely that you feel like useless, futile ash. But after a time, if you allow it to, this process of burning can give birth to strength, fortitude, and courage.
3. Allow yourself to mourn through self-expression
Intense emotions are scary. For this reason, most of us tend to hide, suppress or distract ourselves from honoring them. If you’re experiencing extremely uncomfortable emotions such as depression, anger and grief, slow down. Make space in your life to mourn. This isn’t about self-pity, it’s about actively experiencing your emotions.
One of the best ways to actively experience emotions is through self-expression such as journalling, painting, playing an instrument, dancing, running, hiking, gardening, etc. Find what feels good, and go to that place. Don’t remain static. Get moving. This is a powerful way to heal.
4. You are not your pain
When we are in a great amount of suffering it’s very easy for us to get strung up in victim roles. Melancholy is comfortable when it protects us from vulnerability. But remember this: pain is a passing sensation. It may be a very persistent emotion, but you are not your pain. You are so much more than your suffering.
Making friends with pain, opening to it, and allowing it to teach you, shows you that pain is transient. Pain reveals to you the parts within yourself that haven’t healed yet. Pain strips away the pretense and illusions and reveals to you the truth of what is there: your wounds, your insecurities, your beliefs, your attachments.
Pain shows you that you have loved deeply and fully. It reveals to you your own beauty, your own tender heart. Finally, when pain is fully accepted in the moment, it reveals a deeper truth: that you are limitless. You are not bound by any identity or story of pain.
Pain is only a passing cloud on the sky that is You.
5. Our twin flames are not responsible for our happiness
Twin flames facilitate our growth in a powerful way, but they are not required for us to be happy. Wholeness and fulfillment can be achieved without the presence of our twin flames. Unfortunately a common myth about twin flames is that we somehow need them to be complete. This is false.
6. Integration
Integration is about taking your discoveries and actively applying them to your life. When you whole-heartedly surrender without resistance to what life is presenting to you now, suffering ceases. Of course, this is easier in theory than it actually is in real life. So be kind towards yourself. Go at your own pace. This takes time. And most importantly: be open to letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
One Last Thing …
Unconditionally loving yourself including all of your flaws, mistakes and shadow parts is vital for healing. Often the main reason why we experience heartbreak in the first place is because of our own self-loathing and lack of self-understanding.
Finally, be open to the reality that life is a mystery. You don’t know what the future holds. You never know who may appear or re-appear in your life. Take comfort in this.
Have you separated from your twin flame? What was it like for you, and how did you manage to cope?
My twin flame and I have been together on and off for almost 9 years. Every time we break up (he freaks out and leaves) We both work on personal growth. We both have PTSD and our traumas are what bring us together and rip us apart. We understand each other as no others ever could. We are still in contact, we always have been…but he’s adamant that we stay apart right now because he wants better for me than he is capable of right now. He suffers from several addiction issues as well…recovering porn and sex addict, work a holic, caffeine, alcohol, and cigarettes. He also gets overly focused on different projects at different times.
Right now, he’s ignoring his son too…that’s not normal for him. He has a lot of issues that he hasn’t worked on yet and feels he can’t with me there. It’s like if we’re together, he can’t face his imperfections because he puts me on a pedestal, but sometimes just to knock me off of it.
Every time he leaves, I look deeper and deeper into my own issues and traumas. This time around, I’m working desperately on my spiritual and emotional health. So, yes – we push each other for better every time. Even though we talk, it’s torture to be away from him. I can’t even imagine what it would be like if we weren’t in contact at all. I’m devastated at the prospect of him not coming back. I don’t know how well I can handle watching him be with someone else.
I honestly am sickened at the thought of any other man. I’m praying that as we each heal ourselves and get closer to enlightenment, that we can find enough harmony to actually remain together.
My twin flame took his life this week. I am devastated. Desperate. My soul is crushed.
I’m so sorry!
I am so sorry, Channing. That’s a horrible thing to endure. I’ll keep you and your twin flame in my thoughts.
I read this after my twin flame ended our relationship tonight.
I cannot breathe.
The anguish chokes me.
I feel like Im drowning in a sea of thick, heavy despair.
Yet, in this raw agony, I cling onto my faith in the universe and its magic.
If I am ever to find peace and light, I have to keep my faith.
It is too soon to search what the future holds for Him and I- as individuals, friends or even a reconciled couple.
But, I do know that there are lessons to be learned for both of us.
I just dont want to learn them yet.
Stay safe agapimou.
We were born in a summers haze and blessed by the gods. If our union is not for this lifetime, then the next.
INSHALLAH
I am so grateful to you for writing this and so grateful to others who have commented–I have been feeling crazy but know I am not crazy, if other people have experienced what I’ve experienced. I KNOW deep down that the one I love and am longing for is my twin flame. We have been together twice and have separated twice in this lifetime (so far). It’s been almost two years since we’ve seen each other, and the pain and grief is still so intense. I feel her in every part of me and KNOW that we are meant to be together. I am trying to stay active in various ways, take care of myself, be gentle with myself, be gentle with her in our limited contact, and trust, trust, trust in our bond… It’s all I can do.
I have lost my twin flame because of circumstances that made our love forbidden. The stress and guilt of trying to protect others brought out the worst. We hurt eachother to protect others. It came to a point that we just couldn’t be together. It would cause too much distress for too many people.
The pain I feel every day is something I have never experienced before. I long for him always. I unconditionally love him and I don’t know why. This love is beyond my strengths, it was my peace and my home. It has been years and it doesn’t ease. I try to move on. I try forcing myself to feel for another but I am beginning to accept the fact that he will be the only person I have truly ever loved! Trying to distract myself works sometimes but not for long. I break down constantly when I am alone. All I want is him by my side but that comes with more stress than my body can handle. So we sacrifice …, I want this pain to end. It truly feels like torture. My soul has no peace and I’m afraid we will both die of broken hearts.
Right now, I feel like I am dying. I trust in the universe, but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to experience.
Absolutely same here. It’s been a month and a half without him, after 4 years with him. I’ve never wanted time to pass so quickly in my life.
I was so devastated that I literally do not remember writing this. I am not even joking…I had a feeling after reading the article that I had read it prior to today and reading the comments, I had something tell me that I had infact commented….weird!
UPDATE!
I can breath again, if only momentarily.
We are back in each others lives and talking constantly and that seems to be holding me together, for the time being. He is with someone right now and I know at any moment that shess going to have an issue with how much he and I are actually in contact with each other. I asked him how he would react to it if given the ultimatum and his reply was, they would sit down and have a conversation where he would let her know that he wasn’t going to stop talking to me.
I know this can only be a short lived bliss….and Im going to go right back into the hole that I was in when I wrote the original post here. The sad thing is, I dont care. I can NOT get enough of his time, attention, and his voice on the other end of the phone. It is the ONLY time within the last month that I have felt normal again….Im a Gemini so hence the name that I posted a comment with, but we Geminis are NOT this dependent on another human being for our own self worth and validation…Im not saying that he does anything or says anything to blow up my ego, thats not it at all! We tell each other when we are wrong and we dont sugar coat anything for the other one. BUT I can NOT even begin to explain this. I have loved before…but this…this is something different, entirely.
The time frame on which we were together was like a shift in time. (Not sure if that makes any sense, at all) But it has been a matter of 7 months since we met. But in 3 months that we were together, there was a time shift continuum…time was fluid, it seemed to last forever but so short….It was an experience that I have literally NEVER felt with another relationship in my entire life. Talking on the phone with someone from the moment you get up until you go to sleep and when that did not seem like enough sleeping on the phone with them….and that STILL was not enough.
I am the type of person that needs my space from whoever Im with…but there was never enough and it wasn’t even like there were two separate people….until I broke the connection and we started arguing, and even that seemed normal and my mind is completely BLOWN!
I shouldn’t have said broke the connection, I put a block up bc after a month of …horrible does not even begin to cover it…a month of no talking and the connection is still there, very much as strong as it was the day I put the block up. And I know when the time comes and I have to put the block back up, we are going to argue and fight again like before….but I cant be the other woman and with him, there is no other option, I dont want anyone else, I dont NEED anyone else…there IS no one else!
I picked up on this thru facebook, i an ancient soul, this last lifetime I haven’t been able to connect, like perhaps last one I found twin flame, I not allowed to find this lifetime, outside appearances I appear to have Aspergers, on online test I scored 29, for sure 32 and above, I have ful cognitive ability only struggle is socially, aspergers kind of fits, other kids avoided me since Kgarten, first day on bus, I remember seeing a bus, then memories end for almost 2 years, maybe I overthinking I strong, intelligent man at 45 still single, own my condo, making well truck driver wages
I am not sure if he was my twin flame but I never felt anything like this. We would talk and talk and he would run while we were in the same office and then check in and it drove me crazy-pick a side-he could not. He told me I broke his heart and completely shut down until he didn’t. I told him he broke my heart and he flipped out. No matter how challenging things were-whenever we caught eyes we were good-it was bizarre. No one ever challenges him or calls him out. I tried to deal with it (chase) and finally shared the impact he had on me -good and bad-and that I thought he hated me because I cared. He moved a bookcase in front of his office window to literally block me out. I left the situation to take care of myself. Funny I am hurting as much as I can -my heart feels like it has an anchor tied to it and I think if that goes away I will be fine. I left and am sad. The day I left he wore the one shirt that made me know we are connected. He moved into my office-sitting at my desk. He does not love himself and he taught me to love myself. I am going to face my biggest fear because of him. I want nothing but for him to be happy. There is nothing he can do to me to make me stop caring. I try. I just want the anchor to go away-the buzz-I thought it would. I am trying to let go and take care of myself but it is hard.
I met my twin flame in my youth 33 years ago.
The energy was so extreme that we ended up separating.
It never left me and only recently we reconnected.
The energy was once again as intense and we couldn’t maintain a relationship, so we separated again.
Being older this time I meditated for answers.
I was able to see 5 previous pastlifes where we met but separated very early on without a reconnection.
This is what I learned this life, that which is meant to be will ultimately happen and we need to let go.
I respect your attitude of surrender Joe. And who knows what else is in store for you within this lifetime (love-wise)? Thank you for sharing. <3
Hi. We’ve been on and off for the past two years. I’m the chaser. I’m 26, he is 28.
I’ve been trying to make him see for a long time now, that I’m here, no matter what he does. We both have big bad past and trust issues. People always walked out on us.
He keeps pushing me away, but at the same time, he won’t let me go. We never were actually in a relationship, we belong to each other without saying it out loud. The connection I have with him… I cannot put it in words. I’ve always been a lonely wolf, but when I found my alfa… From the very first moment, I saw him… I knew. I knew he is the one. I just couldn’t explain it.
Those fights we had, was so intense. We pushed each other’s buttons, constantly. But every time it ended with such passion, till one day he just walked out. In time, he reached out to me again. He has been in a relationship with one and at the same time seeing others too. He tells me everything, not to hurt me intentionally. He has been honest with me from the first night we met. We have so much respect for each other.
We all know what the pain is, if I weren’t still breathing, I swear that the pain was death itself.
Yes, my life didn’t stop but the pain is still so highly with me. Every once in a while I see him. I believe that I and he happened at a wrong time. He even said it.
The connection was never lost. Still isn’t. He knows it. I know it. But being together now? No. But it hurts, like hell. I ended things with us, this year in may, I gave up physically, i couldn’t see him with others anymore. How he used them. I keep telling myself that maybe one day, we can make things right. I know he loves me but this isn’t our time.
Truth to be told I am a Satanist, and so is he, but we are both open-minded. He brought out the good in me and I did it with him but he also thought me how to embrace my darkness.
But what have I learned?
I’ve learned how to love myself, focus on myself and what’s good for me. I’m still searching my way. But the pain was what brought me here, cuz I couldn’t understand why it was so strong. I couldn’t understand who he is for me. Now I know. And now I want learn how to handle with this all.
Sorry if this is a mess up. I never could explain anyone what we were or why is so big impact in my life. Ive tried to move on, did it once, almost killed me. Not going to do it again. I just can’t be with others. I’ve been traveling, literally moved to Spain. Trying to find and improve myself. And one more thing. I can’t cry. I mean I have been in tears a lot, but not crying. I have lost the ability to cry. I need to let it all out. But i don’t know how, I’ve keeping in so much stuff. And if this comes out.. Im scared what might come up. I need to do this. I want to do this.
Boy do I have a story for you. I met my twin flame in Jan. I had just gotten a dui, was getting ready to leave an abusive relationship, dealt with a mental breakdown, dealt with addiction, and lost some of my closest friends. But here’s the wildest part. My twin manifested herself as my bestfriends girlfriend. She moved in with us in Jan. I had never met her before, although they’d been together as long as I’d known him (my bsf). I distictly remember the first time she walked in the house. I immediately felt ok with her, but equally disturbed. Her first impression was pretty unattractive. She came off rude and quite bossy. All my other roomates instantly didnt like her, and I followed suit. All the while, feeling that her attitude was simply a front. I never considered her a love interest in the beginning. I wasnt looking for love. I had girls to talk to. After leaving my relationship, I decided to focus more inward. Besides,she was just my bestfriends gf, thats it. Little did I know this would turn into a 9 month transformation. Yet, looking back I can now see how much I immediately cared for her. She soon started showing the same signs. It was like we’d known each other all along. We accepted each other as if our personalities were already familiar. When she needed a job, I tried to help her find one at the restaurant I worked at. When she started school and needed help with her homework, I’d help her. All just out of kindness with no intent. We were all broke at the time so if I needed things like film for my cameras. She would actually go out of her way to steal it for me. When we got food stamps she’d help me buy food. When she got her job at McDonalds, she brought me the sweets she knew I liked. I, in turn, would bring her mexican food from my job that I knew she liked. In communication, we could talk for hours easily. I remember one time she just out of the blue told me that she saw me as a female in her eyes. Which was funny because I’d always seen her as masculine in mine. It got to the point where we began doing what she coined, “Mind Fucking”. Where we would have entire conversation solely through eye contact. Often times, we wouldnt have to say a word to understand what the other was feeling. It was telepathic. We just knew. It was by this time that I realized my bsf was noticing our chemistry. This realization sent us into the runner chaser phase. I began trying to withhold emotionally from her affection. It was tough, and it caused alot of friction between the two of us. We started to argue more, have more debates,and started to have a love/hate relationship with one another. We would go back and forth with pin point accuracy. I could see right through her. I always could, and she through me. Even though I’d never admit it. She’d say things about me that were so true it’d be nearly impossible to deny. Once, we were talking and I just began listing of all the things I could tell about her. Her deepest workings. It got to the point where she literally had to tell me to stop because I was making her nervous. But I couldnt help it. I could see through all the lies she told herself. In the same token she could see through mine. In defense, I began making up more, and keeping her at a distance. I started trying to confuse her, and make her doubt what she thought she knew of me. To be honest it was painful. However, I didn’t want a love triangle. Nor did I want to ruin things with my bsf. She began trying her best to get me to talk to other girls or just stop being around as much. She revealed to me one night that the reason she’d been trying to get me to like other people was so she’d have reason to leave me alone. She said didnt want to like me, but that nothing worked. That night, we admitted more to each other than we ever had. Amist the arguing was genuinely, love. That was all it was. Pure, powerful love. No matter how mean or distant we tried to be towards each other, there was this unusual love underlying it all. So after a while we would always go back to being nice and stable with one another. Right down to the day we split and she left to move back home with her dad and my bsf. She still gave me the same energy. The day they left, it felt like we were both holding back tidal waves from each other. We sat there on opposite sides of an empty room and said nothing to each other. As if the words wouldnt be enough to solve the way we felt. I wanted to say something or make light of the situation, but my mouth remained formless. The tension in the air between us was denser than lead. After sitting there in silence, being nearly unable to look at each other in the eyes. She left the room, and I went the opposite direction. We moved all the rest of their stuff into a uhaul. Then, in what I consider the biggest surprise, she hugged me before she left. It was at the front door as we all (me, her bf/my bsf, her, and my other bsf) were saying our goodbyes. She hugged me in front of him. Oddly enough, I knew she’d do it. I’d felt the yearning in her soul the entire day. I knew she’d do it because I wanted so badly to do the same thing. Because of the situation between us, I couldnt bring myself to hug her with my bsf standing there. But I’ll never forget it. That was the first time she’d ever hugged me. My arms went limp, but i couldnt stop my soul from wrapping itself around her and holding on for dear life. I’ve never wanted to hug someone back so bad in my life.