Traditionally, the media has been known to equate loners with mentally ill psychotics who go on murderous rampages.
And while, yes, sure, there are some disturbed ‘loners’ out there, the reality is that …
most loners are totally normal people!
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If you find yourself alone and without friends or family to rely on, I want to assure you that you’re actually in good company.
In the age of social media, global pandemics, and increasing disconnection, being a loner is becoming more common.
But there is a deeper meaning behind this solitude.
And I’ll explore that in this post.
Table of contents
9 Signs You’re a Loner
Being a loner sounds self-explanatory. But for clarity sake, here’s a list of signs that you’re a loner:
- You enjoy spending time alone more than with other people.
- You can’t connect with (or don’t have any) family members.
- You can’t connect with (or don’t have any) friends.
- You’re introspective and tend to be an introvert.
- You like to take life slowly, and the world can feel overwhelming.
- You’re a free spirit who loves independence.
- You tend to have interesting quirks.
- You have the strong desire to walk your own path as a lone wolf.
- You’re the black sheep of the family.
We also have a loner test that you can take if you’re still unsure.
Myths About Loners
Here are some common myths about loners:
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- “Loners hate people”
- “All loners lack social skills”
- “Loners are secretly plotting your death”
- “Loners are lonely people”
- “Loners are creepy”
- “Loners are all mentally ill”
Sure, while some loners might possess some of these qualities, these are not blanket statements or truths that apply to all loners.
Why Being a Loner Can Be Empowering
It’s true that as a species, we require some level of social connectedness.
Don’t worry, that will come with time!
Sometimes we’re in a space in life where we just need to retreat from the world. We need to process our thoughts and feelings, and figure out our ‘true north.’
So to counteract the previous section (those myths are widely spread and can make lonesome people feel horrible), here are some ways being a loner actually helps you:
- Being a loner helps you to develop more self-awareness
- Being a loner supports you in finding the meaning of life
- Being a loner helps you to recover from social overwhelm
- Being a loner gives you space and perspective
- Being a loner helps you to figure out your passions and interests
- Being a loner helps you to develop more independence and self-reliance
- Being a loner makes you a deeper and more interesting person
- Being a loner helps you to find your self-worth within
Can you think of any more ways that being a loner is empowering? Share in the comments!
The Deeper Meaning Behind Being a Loner
There’s a reason why this website is called ‘lonerwolf’ – it has a deeper meaning that is directly related to being a loner. And that is …
At some point in life, we must all leave the herd and find our own paths.
We must become lone wolves.
We must listen to the calling to reconnect with our Souls.
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The world can be a busy, overwhelming, pressuring, and confusing place. For those who feel a deeper spiritual calling emerge within their being, solitude is natural and needed.
In many cases, loners are empaths and old souls who are on the soul searching path. Being alone is, quite simply, a crucial part of their life path.
So in a nutshell, that is the deeper meaning behind being a loner: it’s a sign that you’re on the spiritual journey and you need the space to figure out who you are and what you want out of life.
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If you’d like to read more about inner growth, walking your own path, and spiritual evolution, keep digging into this website. There are so many free resources and guides for you to benefit from. One related article you might enjoy is our introvert article.
Tell me, why are you a loner? What is the deeper meaning for you?
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im a loner and love it my brothers a loner and loves it i couldnt imagine being pretend freinds with the usual pretend BS at work and so called social areas of life i like watching people developer these needy pretend freindships its so sad, i am now living in a totally new place were the culture is small mindedness and everyone knowing each others bizniz A ISLAND IN THE SEA with 60k people on it dont get me wrong having friendly thoughtful types around is lovely BUT IM STILL A LONER thru and thru i started at a new job here and so did a rather posh university graduate in the office,she has become one of the gang at work thru pure fakness like getting up and joining in with people she only new 3 minutes LOL to sing at the xmas work party, watching this i need to be accepted thing unfold before me was funny as i like to study people im a person watcher like to see there mask slip…. i have 3 kids and was a dedicated dad but still a loner but family wise not,my family broke down because there mother was mentally ill… Read more »
I really liked this article, and this is only one of many very good ones on this site. I think I like your writings also because they seem to come from a place of peace and calm, which (or the opposite of it) I usually tend to sense when I read stuff :) I really resonate with this, I think I could say I’m a loner, but the description of involuntary vs. voluntary made me think a bit, because there had been times in my life when I was convinced that what would make me happy is to go and meet people, and I felt a some kind of obsessive urge to do this, blaming myself constantly of “doing the wrong thing” when not going out and choosing to stay alone. But actually a few weeks ago it came to me that when I was a child, it used to be quite natural to me to play alone, do stuff alone. Yes, I’d been playing with other children as well, but I was mostly the “silent observer”, and it didn’t seem to bother me back then. But I also remember that my parents were constantly telling me that I should… Read more »
im in a similar situation like james, a black male, getting ready for college, but the difference is that I goto a Christian school, a baptist christian school. I find it to be hard for me because the very people who goto church, and claim Jesus, act so fake the rest of the week, and when you call them out on it, they gang up on me, and tell me their doctrine ,without the bible and wont listen to any other side. When I first came to that school, I was a lone, and i tried to be a loner here, they forced me to socialize, and now, my senior year, theyre now saying im talking to much, and when i do speak, i just speak brutal truths to them. i dont understand my generation….. please help
*Fair warning, this is long* I just get quite confused with all the different terms people use and oft find many similarities in my own behaviors and personality and habits among all of them. I’m introverted, artisan-composer, shy, also have social anxiety … what’s the difference between being a ‘loner’ and introverted, or is there any at all? When I’m at work I can operate, I suppose you’d say, more extroverted, perhaps because I /have/ to. We’re constantly busy and most of the time there’s always someone there and it gets stressful. So I’ll be more talkative and joke around; they know if I’m quite quiet there’s something wrong. If I had my choice I’d probably /always/ be quiet and not talk with any of them, but I want the work day to go by more smoothly for all of us and I know they enjoy my banter. But by the time I get home, I’m done. I’ve found these days-more like these past two years- (and found this article by searching why do I never want to be around people, haha >.>) I’m done. Even if family is home, I don’t even want to talk to them for a… Read more »
Thanks for this article, Aletheia Luna. I just came back yesterday from a blind date setup by my parents (traditionally/commonly done by Korean parents). Specifically, and this is a Korean cultural concept, the blind date is called a “suhn” (pronounced like sun), which is a blind date specifically for the purpose of getting to know someone as a potential marriage partner. I know, crazy, right? I’m Korean-American (born and raised in the US), so it was a bit strange for me. The woman I met was really nice, very intelligent, and beautiful. We had a good conversation, although things did get sort of quiet and awkward near the end as we ran out of things to talk about. During our conversation she asked two questions that any person would ask on a date: “What do you usually do when you hang out with friends?” and “What do you usually do on the weekends?” I didn’t want to lie like I had done in the past. I wanted to be honest about who I was, to respect her and myself since this was about trying to find someone you would spend the rest of your life with. I told her that… Read more »
Fuck normal people and the extroverted.
At the age of 1 1/2 I was placed back into my biological families home. I do not know my mom, stepdad or siblings. It was frightening. I have memories of that fear. I was just a baby. My mom did not want me nor have loving feelings for me, I did not get hugged or kissed, no bedtime stories, no idle talking or anything like it. My siblings were not too keen on me either, I know it’s because mom didn’t like me. I played alone. I went to bed quietly. I did my best to stay low key, the attention I did get was always negative. . Always, it was best to go unnoticed. I slept alone, cryed myself to sleep literally for years, I was always sad, felt alone, unloved. But, being alone was safe. No one to mock me or scold me when I was alone. I grew up cherishing my time alone. I was a very poor student, teachers didn’t care for me. I failed first grade one because of being hard to teach and second, I didn’t and wouldn’t sleek to my teacher. She scared me, wasn’t nice, so I simply would not reply… Read more »
As a kid, I never got into the age-specific fads (in my day they included carrying around a Walkman to listen to the World Series–6th-7th grade; getting all hyped up about the latest hot cars–Jr. High and High School; etc.). Later, of course, the other kids moved past those fads (ones that I had moved past before I even go into!), but I was by then branded as the geek who didn’t fit in. And new fads took over, and the same thing happened. So I moved on, and moved away, and made many friends of various kinds over the years. A few years ago, I retired moved back to my hometown. I looked forward to getting back with my old high school and college friends. But it didn’t take long to realize that although I had changed (i.e., grown up) they hadn’t. I cut off most of the connections by choice. Most people just keep playing the same little games they played in school (from grade school on) and never really grow up. I can’t see much reason to want to hang around people like that. There’s a great line in the classic Italian movie, “Cinema Paradiso.” A guy… Read more »
Being one helps me a lot. Previously I was approached by people with ulterior motives and I was always worried about what others thought about me. Yes they used to like my new extroverted attitude but I didn’t find any people I can trust around me. This is maybe because once I was an introvert and people didn’t feel like approaching me much. When I opened up it was nice to have fun with people, tell them about myself, etc. But I have seen some taking this as an opportunity to help them in things they can easily manage, and as for the opposite sex testing the waters about how I feel about them and then become aloof (sounds exaggerated but its true). Anyway back to my shell again.
It’s sad that the term loner is given such a bad wrap. I love being alone and I truly treasure the moments when it’s just me with my books, or my games, or my tv shows and nobody else. I hate that some ppl can never take the time to understand that perhaps a person enjoys being by themselves more than going out to a crowded, noisy place listening to a bunch of ppl talk stuff. I’ve always preferred my own company. And i’m actually perfectly capable in social situations in fact i’m so easy to talk to that after ppl spend some time chatting to me they invite me out thinking ‘this is a guy I want around in social situations.’ And while I am good at talking to ppl, the truth is, I only talk to you b/c my job permits that I be around ppl 8 hours a day so if i’m at work and you’re there i’ll talk to you b/c i’m there for my job to earn an income. But if given a choice at the end of my shift on whether I want to go home and spend a night to myself or whether… Read more »