LonerWolf

menu icon
go to homepage
  • Start Here
  • Shop
  • Subscribe
  • Free Tests
  • Contact
  • Membership
  • Course
  • Freebies
subscribe
search icon
Homepage link
  • Start Here
  • Shop
  • Subscribe
  • Free Tests
  • Contact
  • Membership
  • Course
  • Freebies
×
» Home » Turning Inwards

13 Signs You’re Struggling With Emotional Numbness (the Secret Illness)

by Aletheia Luna · Updated: Jun 15, 2024 · 224 Comments

Image of a woman with her hand over her face experiencing emotional numbness
Emotional numbness depression image

At some point or another we’ve all heard these words before:

“Suck it up princess!” “Be a man!” “Stop being a cry-baby,” “Get over it,” “Stop being so sensitive,” “Get thicker skin!”

While these words were likely spoken without consciously intending us long-term harm, they nevertheless point to a common and undeniably tragic truth in our society: that expressing your emotions is a sign of weakness, rather than strength.


Spiritual Wanderer Course image

Spiritual Wanderer Course:

Being a lone wolf and a spiritual wanderer is a sacred calling in life – a unique and alchemical path of awakening. You don’t need to feel lost, alone, or stuck on your journey any more. It’s time to meet your soul’s deep needs for clarity, self-acceptance, and empowerment. Let us show you how …


If you were born into an emotionally repressed culture that valued the “masculine” ideals of efficiency and logic, it is likely that you struggle with some level of emotional numbness.

If you were born into a family that shunned any form of strong emotional expression, it is even more likely that emotional numbing is an issue for you.

And if you experienced an extremely traumatic life event that was simply too overwhelming for you to handle (from which you haven’t recovered), I can almost guarantee that you suffer from emotional numbness.

So how does emotional numbness impact virtually every part of our life? And what advice can I share with you after going through my own struggle with this issue? Keep reading and you’ll find out.

Table of contents

  • What is Emotional Numbness?
  • What Causes Emotional Numbness?
  • The Danger of Emotional Numbness
  • Why is it ‘the Secret Illness’?
  • 13 Signs You’re Struggling With Emotional Numbness
  • How to Overcome Emotional Numbness
  • Emotional Numbness Q&A

What is Emotional Numbness?

Image of a woman with her hand over her face experiencing emotional numbness

Emotional numbness is a defense mechanism employed by the mind to avoid intense and overwhelming emotions such as fear, hatred, jealousy, and grief. When you go emotionally numb, you lose the ability to feel and experience your emotions on a psychological and emotional level. In this sense, emotional numbness is often clinically connected with dissociation, which is the disconnection from one’s memories, identity, environment, body, or senses.

What Causes Emotional Numbness?

Image of an emotionally detachment man in nature

As with most issues, emotional numbness goes back to childhood and the way we were raised by our parents. Being abused by our parents physically, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, or spiritually can contribute towards our inability to self-regulate emotions, which results in emotional numbness. Feeling alienated or disconnected from one or both of our parents, or family at large, can also contribute towards emotional numbness. Being punished whether directly or indirectly for expressing our emotions in childhood also creates emotional numbness.

Numbing our emotions may also start after a severely traumatic experience, such as witnessing acts of violence, being assaulted, experiencing rape, suffering intense loss, or anything that we didn’t have the capacity to psychologically and emotionally handle in the moment. For this reason, emotional numbness is often a symptom of PTSD and various anxiety disorders. You can take our free emotional trauma test to explore this further.


Image of an eclipse

Shadow & Light Membership:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "Receiving these messages is a beacon of light and hope for me in currently very challenging times. The words of wisdom speak right to my soul, guiding and encouraging me further on my path. I highly recommend Shadow & Light to everyone who seeks to develop and cultivate a relationship with the Inner Self." – Karin


Emotional numbness is also influenced by our culture and wider social circles, particularly those that emphasize being stoic, rational, and emotionally invulnerable (e.g., British, Chinese, American, Russian).

The Danger of Emotional Numbness

Image of a woman in a white dress in a paddock

If you even have the slightest inkling that you might be emotionally numb, it’s time to listen up. Emotional numbness is not a small character flaw or minor area of self-growth to improve in – it is a serious problem which needs to be addressed immediately.

Speaking from experience, emotional numbness has formed the root of many issues I have faced (and still continue to face) in my life. Due to my upbringing in an emotionally stunted, dogmatically religious family whom I felt disconnected from for the majority of my life, I never learned how to handle strong emotions. I was punished verbally, emotionally or physically anytime I expressed strong emotions, and freethinking or any form of dissent was rejected, resulting in being ostracized.

The combination of having a British father and a mother who was traumatized by her own emotionally unstable mother – on top of an oppressive fundamentalist religion – led to grooming me as a stoic and “stable” person who was taught that expressing emotions was not only bad but shameful.

As you can see, sometimes there are numerous factors at play that may contribute to your inability to regulate intense emotions, and therefore resort to unconsciously numbing them. In my case, I learned that strong emotions = punishment in one form or another, and so I learned that they were dangerous to experience.

The danger of disconnecting from your emotions is that it can lead to a host of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual issues. Such issues may include dysfunctional coping mechanisms (obsessive compulsions), mild to severe depression, spiritual emptiness, inability to enjoy life, inability to form close and fulfilling relationships, disconnection from inner self, confusion, irritability, fatigue, addictions, chronic illnesses, and somatic illnesses (illnesses produced by the mind).

In extreme cases (and I’m talking about situations where emotional contact is nil), emotional numbness can lead to acts of cruelty.

Why is it ‘the Secret Illness’?

I call emotional numbness the secret illness because it is so pervasive in our society, and so socially acceptable, that it often flies underneath the radar. In a society that largely doesn’t know how to handle strong emotions in healthy ways, being stoic and “level-headed” is valued – yet this very same calm and collected facade often conceals unhealthy detachment from one’s feelings. Thus, emotional numbness is a secret illness because so many of us struggle with it, yet don’t even realize that we have it until chronic issues start emerging.


Download FREE Worksheets!

Go deeper with an emotional numbness journaling prompt + printable meditation mandala!

Download Worksheets!

13 Signs You’re Struggling With Emotional Numbness

Image of a person holding a petal in their hand

Emotional detachment is not always a bad thing. It comes in handy when you need to maintain boundaries, avoid undesired energy overload from others, and even help others in crisis situations. But emotional detachment turns into its unhealthy twin (emotional numbness) when it becomes an automatic inner defense mechanism.

“What’s so great about feeling strong emotions?” you might ask. The answer is that without feeling our emotions, we don’t have the capacity to live and learn from them or experience the beauty and depth of life.

Would you like to save this?

We'll email this article to you, so you can come back to it later!

Your information will never be shared.

Here are some of the most significant signs of emotional numbness that you should look out for:

  1. Inability to express strong negative or positive emotions
  2. Inability to “fully participate” in life (i.e., feeling like you’re a passive observer)
  3. Feeling that life is like a dream (a sense unreality)
  4. Living on autopilot
  5. Lack of interest in activities others find enjoyable
  6. Feeling distant from others
  7. The tendency to withdraw from friends and family members
  8. Emotions are only felt in the body as sensations, but not by the mind (or else are completely muted in the body and show up only as illness)
  9. Dislike of people who express strong emotions (both positive and negative)
  10. Not feeling anything in situations that would usually generate strong emotion
  11. Panic or terror when strong emotions eventually breakthrough
  12. Feeling empty inside
  13. Physical and emotional numbness or “flatness”

In extreme circumstances (such as in PTSD sufferers), emotional numbness may even influence the desire to commit suicide. If you are considering suicide, please seek out support immediately (click here to locate your country’s suicide hotline).

How to Overcome Emotional Numbness

Emotional Numbness image

Like any psychological defense mechanism, emotional numbing can be complex to deal with, and often requires support from a trained professional such as a therapist.

If you feel that emotional numbness is significantly impairing your life, please do an act of self-compassion and seek out support either locally or online (there are even free counseling services online such as 7cups).

For the time being, here are some helpful practices which I have personally found to increase my ability to feel, cope with, and express strong emotions:

1. Anchor yourself to your body

As mentioned above, emotional numbing is connected to dissociation (mental disconnection from one part of yourself). In my case, whenever I experience strong emotions, my automatic response is to either (a) only feel the emotions in my body, not my mind, or (b) to have a complete meltdown. In both cases, one of the best self-soothing mechanisms I’ve learned is to anchor myself to my body through mindfulness and physical contact. Similar to what a mother does with her child, I tightly but gently hold one area of my body – usually my hand or stomach. This method helps me to feel contained and grounded in my body.

I also recommend using shapewear or a pressure vest to help you in extremely emotionally turbulent periods to anchor yourself to your body (here is a good example of shapewear). Shapewear is used by women and men to keep “love handles” and other body parts slim and defined. For our purposes, shapewear is like a hug to the body that will help you feel safe and ‘held together.’ Pressure vests are a little more expensive and they are used by people with sensory integration disorders (such as autism) to relax.

2. Deep breathing

Whether used alone or in conjunction with the above-mentioned technique, deep breathing is a simple and easy way to help you mindfully move through whatever you’re experiencing. This practice is particularly useful when intense feelings such as fear or rage break through. There are many books out there that talk about the importance of deep breathing (such as this one), and there are many online tutorials with breathing techniques. I recommend sticking to something simple, something you don’t have to think about too much, and something that doesn’t feel forced. The point of deep breathing isn’t to follow someone else’s technique perfectly, it is to use your breath (in whatever way suits you), to calm your mind and body. Also, I recommend breathing slowly, deeply, and softly instead of forcing deep breaths (which can increase anxiety) – let your breath be natural. Read more about how to relax using deep breathing.

3. Keep a journal of sad thoughts

Image of a dandelion

I realize this suggestion may sound a tad bit melancholic, but it’s a practice worthy of your time and effort, particularly if you’re wanting to feel and express your emotions. Journaling is also a powerful form of shadow work (a way to express what you would usually suppress).

In a physical journal or online diary, spend five to ten minutes every day writing down something which triggers even the slightest pang of sadness in you. For example, you might write down a memory of your dog who died, an issue in the world, something someone said to you, a scene from a movie, a daily struggle … or virtually anything that is upsetting (or what you imagine would be upsetting).

Creating a sad thoughts diary has two main benefits. One, it helps you express your emotions, even if in an indirect way at first. And two, it acts as a catalyst for feeling and letting out your emotions, particularly when you need momentum (I’ll elaborate more on this soon). Learn more about how to journal.

Always try to finish your sad thought journalling with something uplifting, like reading the uplifting news subreddit, spending time with someone you love, playing with a pet, or watching something entertaining on youtube or Netflix.

4. Catharsis (let it all out, baby!)

When emotionally numbing ourselves becomes our default defense mechanism, we tend to have a huge amount of suppressed emotion lying just beneath our conscious awareness. In order to safely and effectively express your suppressed emotions, try some form of catharsis. Catharsis may involve screaming into or punching a pillow, using your sad thoughts journal (mentioned above) to stimulate sadness and crying, intense emotional-fuelled exercise, impassioned dancing, or an active meditation.

Regular catharsis should be a must on your journey. Without regularly ‘letting it all out,’ you run the risk of experiencing the repercussions of festering emotions (i.e., depression, emptiness, chronic illness, etc.).

5. Yoga and self-massage

Yoga is a well-known way of helping to clear and balance your energy. Not only that, but yoga often has a way of releasing emotions stored in the body. I recommend doing slow and gentle forms of yoga such as Hatha yoga for at least ten minutes a day. Remember, the goal isn’t to become some Instagram-perfect yoga star; it is to connect with your body, mind, and heart.


Illumination Books Bundle cover

Illumination Books Bundle:

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐ "I loved this book! I have been on my spiritual journey for some years and it showed me that i am not alone, that all what i am going through it’s not crazy, that there is nothing wrong with me, on the contrary! The book is deep and yet very easy to read. It goes right to the point. It gave me strength to continue..." - Eva


The truth is that our unexpressed and repressed emotions are often stored within our bodies. I like to think of our bodies as being reflections of our unconscious mind: they are maps that help us to figure out what we are keeping locked away, and what unresolved issues we need to face. In my article about chronic muscle tension, I list the nine types of emotions trapped in different areas of the body. In order to release these emotions, I regularly use something called the ‘Acuball’ to introduce fresh blood flow and energy into these tense areas. I like the Acuball because it gives me a deep tissue massage, while also helping me to stay grounded in my body, relax, and release pent-up stress. (You can get the Acuball here).

6. Creatively express your feelings (or lack thereof)

Write a song, doodle in a journal, paint a picture, create a collage, find some way of expressing what emotion you last felt. If you struggle to feel anything at all, express that artistically. Grab those greys and blacks and turn that damn page into your own work of art. Pay attention to how you feel afterward. Does even the slightest feeling of satisfaction enter you? Journal about these emotions.

7. Take care of your inner child

As it was your child self that likely copped the trauma that caused you to default to emotional numbing, take care of this part of you. Practice inner child work and find ways of comforting and nurturing this vulnerable place within you. You may even like to create empowering affirmations for your inner child to help him or her access emotions. For example, you might repeat to yourself when you are in a difficult circumstance, “It is OK for me to feel,” “It is safe for me to feel sad,” “My anger is valid,” “Being vulnerable is being strong,” and so forth.

8. Dedicate space and time to feeling

In our busy lives, it is very easy to numb and distract ourselves with social media, the TV, shopping, food, social commitments, and other things that constantly cause us to look outside. Looking inside is much harder and requires far more self-discipline, hence why most people don’t do it. If you are serious about overcoming your emotional numbness, you will need to dedicate space and time to all of the activities I have mentioned in this article. If you struggle with self-discipline, I recommend making yourself externally accountable by joining a spiritual meditation group or other practice to help you turn inwards. Please don’t skip this step, it is imperative that you spend time exploring your inner self, and in particular, what you are repressing and why.

Emotional Numbness Q&A

Image of a woman with tape over her mouth

Here are some commonly asked questions about emotional numbness. Hopefully they’ll answer any remaining concerns or thoughts you may have about this topic:

What causes emotional detachment?

The simple answer is trauma. Usually, emotional detachment (or numbness) can be linked to early childhood experiences such as being abused mentally, emotionally, sexually, or physically. However, not everyone who experiences emotional detachment had tough childhoods. Sometimes, other traumatizing experiences later in life can trigger emotional detachment as a protective mechanism (such as divorce, job loss, rape, illnesses, war, etc.).

Can numbness be a sign of anxiety?

Yes, emotional numbness can mask intense feelings of anxiety – it’s the mind’s way of protecting itself from being flooded by overwhelming emotions. Numbness is a primal reaction to fear and is also known as the freeze response. There are three main reactions to anxiety-provoking situations that we have: fight, flight, and freeze.

How to fix emotional numbness?

To fix, or rather regain the ability to feel again, it’s important to be gentle with yourself. Try reconnecting with your body, practicing deep breathing, doing some catharsis, journaling, and creating a safe environment for yourself. Seeking out professional support is usually crucial, as emotional numbness is usually a major sign of a traumatized nervous system. To regulate your nervous system, you need a safe holding environment, which a professional therapist/counselor can provide.

***

Image of a person holding yellow flowers

I hope this article opens up new possibilities for you – or at least inspires you to take emotional numbness seriously.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to face this issue because avoiding it will only prolong your suffering.

If this article has helped you, please let me know. It brings me a sense of satisfaction to know that I am helping someone out there somewhere. Also if you struggle with emotional numbness and have other techniques or tools to recommend not mentioned in this article, please comment below. You never know how far throughout this world your advice can spread. :)

Please note that this article has affiliate links. If you decide to purchase anything we link to, we get a small percentage to help with our work at no extra cost to you. Thanks!

If you need more help, we offer 3 powerful ways to guide you on your inner journey:

1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Feeling lost or uncertain about your path and purpose in life? Gain clarity and focus by learning about the five archetypes of awakening within you. Discover your deeper path and purpose using our in-depth psychospiritual map. Includes 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, and a premium test.

2. Shadow & Light Membership: Seeking ongoing support for your spiritual journey? Receive weekly intuitive guidance and learn to embrace your whole self, including your shadow side. Deepen your self-love and receive personal support from us.

3. Spiritual Awakening Bundle: Ready to soul search and dive deep? Access our complete "essentials" collection of beloved journals and eBooks. Includes five enlightening eBooks and seven guided journals, plus two special bonuses to further illuminate your path.

More Turning Inwards

  • Ai generated image of a grim reaper in a whimsical forest looking pensive and wanting to offer intentional living advice
    Memento Mori: 3 Ways to Use Death As a Life Compass 
  • Ai generated image of a family standing in front of a mountain range symbolic of attachment styles
    How Your Attachment Style Influences Your Spiritual Path
  • Ai generated image of a mystical shamanic wolf that represents the wounded healer archetype
    5 Signs You’re a Wounded Healer
  • Ai generated image of a sad child sitting alone under a tree experiencing abandonment trauma
    What is Abandonment Trauma? Causes, Symptoms & How to Heal
23.8K shares
  • Facebook
  • Email
  • WhatsApp
  • Print

About Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is a prolific psychospiritual writer, author, educator, and intuitive guide whose work has touched the lives of millions worldwide. As a survivor of fundamentalist religious abuse, her mission is to help others find love, strength, and inner light in even the darkest places. She is the author of hundreds of popular articles, as well as numerous books and journals on the topics of Self-Love, Spiritual Awakening, and more. [Read More]

(224) Comments

    Want to share your thoughts? Cancel reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Your email address will remain 100% private.

  1. Veronique says

    August 26, 2019 at 7:22 am

    hello
    I just wanted to know if emotional numbness can make you to lose the zeal to go to school.
    I have always been a school lover so not wanting to go to school is a problem to me and am really confused don’t know who will help me cause anytime i tell someone about it they always Like it’s just a phase and all
    just thinking about school gets me anxious

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 07, 2019 at 11:10 am

      Yes, emotional numbness can make you lose interest in everything, Veronique. But since you mention anxiety, perhaps it would be worth getting to the root of what’s making you anxious (I recommend starting with journaling) as that sounds like the culprit.

      Reply
  2. Michelle says

    August 21, 2019 at 4:32 am

    I found your article, looking to understand my experience after my mum’s recent passing. On the morning of her funeral, I woke feeling extremely sad that this was going to be the day we farewelled her. But somewhere that morning my mind checked out and I could no longer feel anything. I was completely numb.
    And I still can’t feel the sadness or even fully go back to the memories of my mum.
    It’s only been a week since the day of the funeral, so I’ll give it more time, but thank you so much for helping explain what’s going on and for the helpful advice.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 07, 2019 at 11:09 am

      Michelle, if this persists I recommend seeking out a trauma-informed therapist. I’m sorry to hear of the passing of your mother <3 Take care of yourself lovely

      Reply
  3. Fredricka says

    August 13, 2019 at 1:08 am

    Oh my word! This article has helped me tremendously. I’ve always known something was going on but didn’t know it was “ a thing”. I was sexually/emotionally/ physically abused by my father for a number of years as a kid, my mother stayed… she was a victim as well. Thank you for this! I feel like I can fully walk in my purpose and change things up.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 07, 2019 at 11:07 am

      Thank you for your courage and strength Fredricka <3 I'm so glad this article has helped!

      Reply
  4. Lynette Johnson says

    August 08, 2019 at 11:18 am

    Just want to thank you for being one of the singular voices talking about what’s really important. Sending love and light as I heal, and the highest vibrations as you heal and grow on your journey as well.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 07, 2019 at 11:07 am

      Love right back at you Lynette <3

      Reply
  5. Jet Li says

    August 08, 2019 at 12:04 am

    Most retarded article, ever.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      September 07, 2019 at 11:06 am

      Lots of love Jet Li, I hope you feel better <3

      Reply
  6. Jasmine Butera says

    July 13, 2019 at 4:48 am

    I struggle with not being able to feel emotions reading this article has giving me useful tips on how I can try start overcoming and start feeling emotion again. The part that really struck a cord is when you said it’s harder to live and learn when being detached which is exactly what I’m currently dealing with this is the most waisted years of my life and this detachment is a massive cause to why implementing change has been so hard.

    Reply
  7. George says

    July 11, 2019 at 11:22 pm

    Thank you for taking the time to write about all of this, I’ve bookmarked the page. Some of the techniques I already internalized in my routines, but I will try catharsis and inner child work as well and see how it goes. Keep up the good work!

    Reply
  8. Ace says

    July 08, 2019 at 7:11 am

    So I think this is something I have. I have periods of times that that sometimes could go on for a week or a night. I feel unable to care for the people I know I care about but am almost mentally not able to process them. I can’t feel strong love for my family that I normally do which makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong or that I’m incapable of that even when I’m aware of the current state I know I’m in. I feel like this article has definitely helped me name what I think I have. I just think I need professional help but don’t want to tell my family because last time I said something like I think I have anxiety or depression I was shrugged off or hugged and told it’s just your hormones. I don’t want to be repetitive or look like I’m asking for attention but I feel like a therapist would do me good.

    Reply
  9. Fia says

    June 26, 2019 at 11:08 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this article. I’m 21 and have been trying to battle demons so beyond me for years now. I’ve never really been able to understand or indenting with what was going on until I read this article. It was actually painful for me to read and almost brought me to tears, which I typically don’t feel emotions unless Ive drank myself stupid. I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing this article with the world. I will utilize this article until I have learned how to cope with my emotional numbness. I’m so excited to finally have a chance to live again.

    Reply
  10. Am says

    June 24, 2019 at 5:41 am

    These are concrete and much needed advice, thank you.

    Reply
« Older Comments
Newer Comments »

Popular Guides

  • Spiritual Awakening
  • Inner Child Work
  • Shadow Work
  • Dark Night of the Soul

Popular Tests

  • What Type of Spiritual Wanderer Are You?
  • What Is Your Subconscious Mind Hiding?
  • How Dominant is Your Shadow Self?
  • What Type of Inner Work Suits You?

Popular Offerings

  • Spiritual Wanderer Course
  • Shadow & Light Membership
  • The Spiritual Awakening Bundle
  • Inner Work Bundle

Stages of the Journey

  • Spiritual Calling
  • Resisting The Path
  • Finding Guidance
  • Starting The Journey
  • Turning Inwards
  • Facing The Darkness
  • Illumination
  • Traps & Pitfalls
  • Rebirth
  • Integration

Footer

↑ back to top

This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases, this means whenever you buy a book on Amazon from a link on this website, we receive a small percentage of its price at no extra cost to you.

 

Walk the path less traveled

Image of aletheia luna and mateo sol

Welcome! Our names are Aletheia Luna & Mateo Sol and we’re spiritual educators currently living in Perth, Western Australia. What's this website about? For spiritual rebels and outsiders, our mission is to help you dissolve the shadows that obscure your inner Light and find peace, love, and happiness. Unlike other spiritual spaces, lonerwolf focuses on approaching the spiritual awakening journey in a discerning and down-to-earth-way. Start here »

 
Let The Universe Choose My Message!

About

  • About us
  • Our Principles
  • Reposting Our Work?
  • Moon Phase Spiritual Meaning Calculator

Newsletter

  • Are you a spiritual wanderer or outsider? Feeling lost, confused, or alone? Sign Up for our weekly LonerWolf Howl newsletter for Soul-centered guidance – it’s free!

Whadjuk Noongar

  • We acknowledge the Traditional Custodians of the land, the Whadjuk people of Noongar Boodjar. We recognize their continued connection to the land and waters of this beautiful place and acknowledge that they never ceded sovereignty. We respect all Whadjuk Elders both past and present, and any First Nations people.
 

Luna & Sol Pty Ltd © 2012 - 2025 LonerWolf.com. All Rights Reserved.

Privacy & Terms

23.8K shares