No matter how big or small, we’ve all experienced some kind of trauma as children.
These traumas can vary from having your favorite stuffed toy thrown in the trash, to being abandoned by your best childhood friend, to being physically or emotionally abused by your parents.
Inner child work is a vital component of the spiritual awakening journey because it reconnects us with a wounded element of ourselves: the child within. When we reconnect with this fragmented part of ourselves, we can begin to discover the root of many of our fears, phobias, insecurities, and sabotaging life patterns. This is where true healing and liberation happens!
I can almost guarantee that you’ll be shocked by what you discover through the process of inner child work. Instead of simply looking at a symptom of your pain, you’ll go right to the core to reveal when a fear, phobia, or certain life pattern first began.
Table of contents
15 Types of Childhood Trauma
Firstly, it’s important to understand that there are many different types of childhood trauma. These include the physical (including sexual), emotional and mental variety.
Also, when childhood trauma is severe or repeated enough, it can result in what psychology calls dissociation and shamanic philosophy calls soul loss. The solution to retrieving and integrating these fragmented parts of our being is called inner work (and soul retrieval forms a part of this process).
However, not all childhood trauma results in soul loss — but it can result in a wounded psyche. This can trigger issues such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, phobias, destructive behavioral patterns, and even chronic illnesses.
Fifteen common examples of childhood trauma include:
- Being hit or smacked by your parents/grandparents
- Having an emotionally unavailable parent who withholds affection
- Being “punished” by kicking, shaking, biting, burning, hair pulling, pinching, scratching, or “washing out the mouth” with soap
- Being the recipient of molestation, shown pornography, or any other type of sexual contact from a parent, relative, or friend
- Being the child of divorce
- Being given inappropriate or burdensome responsibilities (such as caring for your parents)
- Not being fed or provided a safe place to live from your parents
- Abandonment (your caretakers leaving you alone for long periods of time without a babysitter)
- Emotional neglect, i.e., not being nurtured, encouraged, or supported
- Being deliberately called names or verbally insulted
- Denigration of your personality
- Destruction of personal belongings
- Excessive demands
- Humiliation
- Car accidents, or other spontaneous traumatic events
There are many more examples of childhood trauma, but I just wanted to provide you with a few to give you an idea of what inner child work deals with. It’s also important to remember that our parents weren’t the only ones responsible for provoking childhood trauma — our grandparents, brothers, sisters, extended family members, family friends, and childhood friends may have also played a part.
Inner Child Work and Spiritual Awakening
Why is working with the inner child essential on the spiritual awakening journey? The answer is that our deepest wounds are carried by the child within. These wounds create tensions, blockages, or contractions within our hearts, minds, and bodies. And when we’re contracted, we become trapped in a tightly-bound separate self, also known as the ego. (This can also later contribute to triggering a Dark Night of the Soul.)
As you may (or may not) already know, the ego is the source of our suffering as it creates the illusion that we’re cut off from our True Nature. When our inner child is stuck in pain, it fuels this contracted ego. And so, inner child work is a vital practice on the spiritual journey, for, with it, we heal, evolve, and awaken.
What is Inner Child Work?
This leads us to explore the definition of inner child work:
Inner child work is the process of contacting, understanding, embracing, and healing your inner child. Your inner child represents your first original self that entered into this world; s/he contains your capacity to experience wonder, joy, innocence, sensitivity, and playfulness.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that forces us to repress our inner child and “grow up.” But the truth is that while most adults physically “grown-up,” they never quite reach emotional or psychological adulthood. In other words, most “grown-ups” aren’t really adults at all. This leaves most people in a state of puerile fears, angers, and traumas that fester away in the unconscious mind for decades.
When we deny and snuff out the voice of the child within we accumulate heavy psychological baggage. This unexplored and unresolved baggage causes us to experience problems such as mental illnesses, physical ailments, and relationship dysfunction.
In fact, it could be said that the lack of conscious relatedness to our own inner child is one of the major causes of the severe issues we see in today’s society. From the brutal way we treat the environment, to the cruel way we talk to ourselves, we have become completely separated from our original innocence.
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5 Simple Ways to Work With Your Inner Child (to Heal Trauma)
One thing: learning to work with your inner child isn’t about becoming childish again, it is about reconnecting with your childLIKE side.
In other words, there is a big difference between being childish and childlike.
Being childish can be thought of as behaving in an immature or naive way. Being childlike on the other hand can be thought of as a state of purity and innocence.
We all have the capacity to experience our original innocence; that period in our lives when we saw the world with openness and wonder.
To remove the guilt, shame, fear, hatred, self-loathing, and anger that we carry within us, we have to heal the child within. To do this, we must earn the trust of our inner child through love and self-nurturing.
Here are 5 of the most powerful ways to perform inner child work (please note: for grammatical consistency, I will be referring to the inner child with the pronoun ‘she’ – although this term applies to all genders or lack thereof):
1. Speak to your inner child
Acknowledge your inner child and let her know that you’re there for her. Treat her with kindness and respect.
Some self-nurturing things you could say to your inner child include, for example:
- I love you.
- I’m here for you.
- I’m sorry.
- Thank you.
- I forgive you.
Make a habit of talking to your inner child. You could also communicate through journal work by asking your inner child a question, then writing down the response.
Learn more about how to journal.
2. Practice the mirror gazing technique
Also known as mirror work, the mirror gazing technique is a simple but powerful way to reconnect with your inner child. This is a superb healing path to take alongside the previous point (or speaking to your inner child) as it allows you to open your heart in an extremely direct way.
To try this practice, ensure that you have some privacy. You need a fairly neutral state of mind (i.e., don’t attempt this when you’re depressed or stressed). Find a mirror, place a gentle hand on your heart, and gaze softly at yourself. Do this for at least five minutes.
You’ll notice that thoughts and even unexpected emotions come to the surface at first. Just let them pass. Don’t attach to them. See them as clouds in the sky. And remember, it’s okay to hold yourself, especially if feelings of grief emerge. Then, once you feel ready, call on your inner child. You may do this by speaking out loud or quietly in your brain.
Once you sense the presence of your inner child emerge in your eyes, say something kind and loving to this vulnerable part of you. For example, you might say “I see you,” “I’m so proud of you,” “I think you’re brave and strong,” or whatever appeals to you. Notice what feelings arise inside of you. Most essentially, take this as a key opportunity to practice self-love and compassion – particularly if difficult or intense feelings arise.
To finish this practice, give yourself a hug, and let your inner child know anything else on your heart and mind. Journal about your experience.
3. Look at pictures of yourself as a child
Go through old photo albums and rediscover what your younger self looked like. Let that image be burned into your brain because it will serve you well throughout the rest of your inner child work. You might even like to put photos of yourself next to your bedside table, in your wallet, or around the house just to remind yourself of your inner child’s presence.
4. Recreate what you loved to do as a child
Sit down and think about what you loved to do as a child. Maybe you liked climbing trees, playing with toy blocks, cuddling toy bears or eating warm porridge. Make time to include whatever activity you loved to do as a child in your present life.
Through inner child work, people have told me that they’ve connected to sides of themselves that they never even knew existed as adults. This discovery is truly life-changing. It’s important that you make a habit of this “playtime” and explore any embarrassment or silliness you feel towards it. It’s completely normal to feel a bit foolish at first, but it’s important to keep an open mind.
5. Do an inner journey
One of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your inner child to heal childhood traumas, is to do an inner journey.
For beginners, I recommend two types of inner journeys: those done through meditation, and those done through visualization.
To do these inner journeys, it’s important that you first gain the trust of your inner child through the previous activities. Once you have developed a strong connection to your inner child, you can then ask her to reveal what earlier life circumstances created the trauma you’re struggling with today.
How to do a meditation journey:
Connecting to your inner child through meditation is a passive process: simply breathe deeply, relax, allow yourself to witness your thoughts, and ask your question. For example, you might like to ask, “Dear inner child, when was the first time I experienced trauma in my life?”
Allow yourself to witness the thoughts that rise and fall within your mind. Your inner child may or may not decide to reveal the answer to you. Remember to be patient, loving, and accepting. If your inner child doesn’t want to reveal the answer, embrace that. It’s important that your inner child feels safe, secure, and ready.
You might like to repeat your question every now and then if nothing of significance arises inside of your mind. This process could take anywhere from a couple of minutes to 1 hour or more.
Tips — To successfully do the inner child meditation journey, you’ll need to have experience meditating. Learning to witness your thoughts can take a lot of practice, so if you’re not used to meditating, you might struggle with this technique.
How to do a visualization journey:
A more active way to connect with your inner child and earlier life traumas is through visualization.
To connect with your inner child through visualization, you must create a “power place” or safe place. To do this you must visualize a beautiful garden, or any type of place in which you feel safe, empowered, and whole. After entering your power place, you can then invite your inner child to speak with you.
Here are a few steps:
- Relax, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
- Imagine you’re walking down a staircase.
- At the bottom of the staircase is your power place or safe place. In this place, you feel strong, safe, and supported.
- Spend a bit of time in your power place. Soak it in. What does it look like, smell like, and sound like?
- After you have acquainted yourself with your power place, imagine that your younger self has entered, perhaps through a door or waterfall.
- Hug your younger self and make them feel at home.
- When you’re ready, ask your inner child your question, e.g., “When was the first time you/I felt sad or scared?” You might like to phrase the question in child terminology.
- Await their response.
- Make sure you hug them, thank them, and tell them how much they mean to you.
- Say goodbye to them.
- Leave your power place and ascend up the stairs.
- Return to normal consciousness.
These are very basic steps, but they provide a good outline for how to perform an inner child visualization journey.
Inner Child Journal:
Go on a journey through the mountains and caves of your heart. Befriend, heal, and nurture the broken child within. Go to the root of your pain and transform old patterns. This is intense and powerful work!
***
As children, we perceived the world very differently from our adult selves. Because of this, many of the things we presently assume never hurt us as children may have left deep scars. This is why it’s important to never make assumptions about your inner child.
Through inner child work, you can learn to grieve, heal, and resolve any sources of trauma you’ve been unconsciously holding on to for years. This can liberate you to live a life of true adulthood, emotional balance, spiritual maturity, and wellbeing.
If you need more in-depth guidance, I highly recommend checking out these inner child healing exercises in our Inner Child Journal. You can also take our inner child test for more insight.
I hope this article has inspired you to reconnect with your inner child. Tell me, what ways have you learned to heal the trauma from your childhood?
I’m not succeeding with any of these practices. For example, in the meditation journey I can’t find/imagine any place where I’d feel safe, empowered, etc. How can I make any of this work?
Hi Kate,
I hear you. Some of these practices take time, and they’re usually easier to do after practicing self-love beforehand (this might help: https://lonerwolf.com/how-to-love-yourself-more/). Perhaps think back to childhood, can you remember any place at all that made you feel happy and free? It could be the most unassuming of places like the nook of a library, inside a blanket fort, under a favorite tree, and so forth.
I’ve been trying these methods, with no success. For example, for the “visualization” one, here’s what happens, I cannot find ANY type of place where I “feel safe, empowered, and whole.” I’ve “tried on” (so to speak) literally hundreds of them (real places, and also ones I make up), but I can’t find any place where I feel “safe” or “empowered” or “whole” — and, when I go on to the next step (waiting gor my inner child to arrive), she doesn’t arrive. The other methods fail in similar ways. (For instance, when I tell my inner child “I forgive you,” she shows up JUST to object & refuse any forgiveness because she knows she hasn’t done anything that she’d need to be “forgiven” for! So she tells me that & she immediately vanishes.
How can I make any of this work?
Hey Kate,
Thank you for sharing your experience. Sometimes you’ll come across situations like this, the internal parts that shut down any attempt to heal or even reconnect with ourselves in a deeper way. In these cases, it’s often best to work with someone who can serve as an “anchor”, help us feel safe in exploring the inner child and what it wishes to share with us. I’d recommend counselors/therapists locally who are trained in modalities like ‘somatic experiencing’ or even the old psychodynamic methods.
All the best!
Hi Kate. I resonate deeply with your experience. I have never been able to directly hear my inner child, and when I ask him questions I just literally get no response. When I ask him to arrive, I never fully am sure if he’s there. I also struggle with having no place where I feel safe and empowered because I didn’t feel safe or like I belonged anywhere growing up, including my own home where my brothers humiliated and picked on me. I feel like any meditation or visualization journey isn’t effective for me because my inner child is hiding in the depths of my psyche, and has endured so much trauma that he doesn’t ever want to come out or be accessible again. He just doesn’t respond. There is one way I feel my inner child however. And it’s through emotions and feelings. I write to him every day, just saying what my adult self would want to tell him. I love you. I accept you as you are. I believe in you. There is nothing wrong with you. You deserve to heal. I never ask questions to him because I don’t get responses, but I tell him what I wish he knew then. He doesn’t respond verbally, but I often get emotional, and tear up and that’s when I feel his presence. I feel that he needs those things, the love, support, acceptance from me, even if he doesn’t communicate with me verbally. So I just write to him every day reminding him of his own worthiness, and how much he deserves love and acceptance. I also started recently working with a trauma specialist
I know how you feel. I still feel that since my childhood was very traumatic that there’s a subconcoius denial of my past, denial that it was me that experienced those things, denial that I even had a childhood, denial that I have trauma when I so obviously do. It’s sad and certainly harder when your inner child was so hurt that he shuts down, disassociates and blocks verbal communication between you and him. My best advice would be to write to him or talk to him anyway. Tell her what you believe she needs to hear. Look at yourself in the mirror and just speak the words anyway, write them in a letter or journal, even if she rejects them, even if it feels inauthentic at first. Try and have faith that even if it feels like it’s not doing anything that some part of your wounded inner child is hearing you, and wants to be healed.
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Just to share how powerful this exercise can be for people in need of comfort and peace, let me share this story…in 1995 I met an elderly lady in her mid-90’s, who had meant the world to hundreds of young ladies, gifting them with a summer away from the city to stay with her and learn horsemanship. She was dying of cancer, and I had been asked to give her proper therapy to bring some comfort and help her sleep. I shared how to bring her mind into her lovely garden to share lunch with her dearest departed husband, as they used to. She succeeded in doing the meditation, had many a lovely visit picnicking with her beloved, bringing her profound comforting in her hours of need. I was honored to help her and bring her some things to ease her journey. Learned this technique in early 1980’s and use it often. Grateful you share it.
I tried to download the cards but wasn’t successful
Thank you. All of your written insights and the knowledge comes as very reassuring. I am just 70 years. As a child, I could not imagine an age of 50 years to be reached with how sad to uncertain of the end of an age brings. I am in that most uncomfortable stage of EGO protector to all my inner children exiled into hiding from past traumas. I find how the false protector inner child has served to survive. Now, a new found protector of True self is an ongoing inner child care. A lot of Feeling Energy that must be visited and is NO FUN. Soul core work is a challenging goal of a TRUST. With your universal support, I thank you!
Hi!
It was really nice to talk to her. I was never supported by my parents, this has given me trust issues today. I know how amazing it must be for her to have someone supporting her again. I am happy to support her. This worked great! Lonerwolf has been very helpful, I also love ths logo. Thank you!!!! I plan on talking to my inner child at least once every 2 days.
Thanks again!
Grace
In a unknowing way I think I have somewhat started something that describes what you are talking about. I find that interesting. Which captures my attention. I think I did ask my inner child what she needed most. She wants to feel loved and accepted and to know she is ok. I could see myself hugging her and telling her I would help her. I imagined as if my adult self was either her mom and wanted to give her what she needs. Or I saw myself as a strange stranger coming from around a corner and finding her being sad and looking like the world caved in around her. And I went to her to help her. I told her I wanted to help her as if I was her mother. The only thing is I find my journey is full of starts and stops and not much for things that are finished. Life seems to not let me finish anything I have ever set out to do. Yet I know my life isn’t finished. And I have so much I want to share even with my kids and grandkids.But when is too much or when does it become inappropriate for them. I do believe most of my life journey has been all about trying to figure this stuff out. Thank you for being there. I believe you can be at least a part of the light that shines in my inner world.
Good morning! I love the articles and work you share. I have just run across Susan Anderson’s works that break the inner child down even further to include an Outer child that sabotages the inner child. It is fascinating. I just wanted to share.
Hi
This has all been happening to me very very fast. My awarness now that im going through a awakening. My question is this. Ive started doing Inner child work by myself. Tonight i realy connected with him at a core level. Ive known he’s there and now he knows im reaching out to him. I got extremely emotional during this. I had sensations ive never realy felt. A bit sureal if that makes sense. I broke down and cried a lot. Should i continue to do this alone? This was pretty heavy tonight. Im used to handeling a lot by myself. Im just looking to clarify if this is ok to have so many waves of emotions. Its pretty obvious. My inner child is severly wounded. Thank you
Matt
That’s beautiful Matt, it’s incredibly powerful stuff. I don’t see a problem in practicing alone as long as you’re not feeling like things are ungrounded and out of control, a lot of people aren’t used to intense large amounts of emotions so it’s a bit shocking but that’s not the same as feeling like you’re going to get lost in the emotions. If so, find some grounding support from a therapist, or counselor knowledgeable in these topics that lives in your area ideally. Keep up the great work!
I’ve been doing inner child work with my therapist for the past few years. She guided me and a lot of her guidance is similar to what you share in this post. One of these exercises was to look at my baby pictures, which I hadn’t done in many years. When I saw a picture of me just hours after being born, taken in the hospital, my initial reaction was an overwhelming urge to pound that infant into the ground. I was very shocked by my response and I asked myself where this rage could have come from. Of course I discussed it with my therapist. I eventually came to the conclusion that this was my mother’s rage. My mother had an extremely traumatic life, emotionally and psychologically. Her mother, my grandmother, died when my mother was 5 years old. Another therapist of mine had told me long ago that her emotional development was arrested there. Basically, I was raised by an enraged 5-year old girl.
Another thing my therapist recommended to me, and I believe I had learned of mirror work from you guys originally, was mirror work. It took me quite a while to get to the point that I could look into my own eyes and not be freaked out by it. I even bought a special and beautiful mirror to put next to my bed, so that I could look at myself every day and practice feeling more comfortable. As I have experienced more soul growth, I feel more and more comfort with who I really am.
Thank you so much for this and all your work. Love you guys.
Thank you Miriam for sharing your experience with nurturing and reconnecting with your inner child. It’s truly amazing how something that seems so simple, even silly to some, can have such powerful effects within us and heal wounds that have been there almost from birth.
Mirror work is wonderful compliment to the inner child work, it’s almost like a part of us is too shy to face that which we see directly in our own eyes reflection. I remember the many stories my ego would spit out to avoid it and yet slowly it soften with practice.
Keep up the amazing work :)
I keep reading inner child work and have indeed done some but my question is always directed at me around six or seven years of age as I feel she can understand communication better I have a question I was sexually abused by an older family member which I still keep to myself hidden etc my earliest memory is from me being around two possibly younger how can I connect to a child that young when it is a pre verbal age since a tbi brain injury I have noticed I would constantly howl foe sometimes hours on end and notice that I act like a baby would one that is severely distressed and no one to comfort of help her I would comfort myself as I notice when I hold onto my index finger and rock back and forth the extreme howling dies down to a pitiful whimper then all of a sudden tears dry up and i sit up straight and become what I can only describe as a whole different persona cold and unemotional must be lifelong coping mechanism so just asking in what way can I connect to pre verbal child who has no words to say thank you in advance
I went into it,saying the nice things to my inner child,then asking the 1st time i had to make it ‘ok’ due to violence & 5 of the abuses. words flooded from me- the when,where & and i had an answer, a reason I’m stuck: I had no self-respect,self-love. I was under age 3. as an adult, I let ppl abuse me,thinking it didn’t bother me. i shut down my responses to violence & emotions that should arise when talked to and treated terribly.
i seen my inner child in the mirror & apologized. I still don’t kno what emotions i had all at once, but it was amazing.
Thank u..much more of my journey to be had..
This came at the perfect time. I was thinking about this last night and am realizing that I needed to do some inner child work because I have this fear of talking to others and being judged and have experienced some trauma that’s made me hide who I was.
When we’re ready and receptive, the messages arrive just in time. It’s definitely worth exploring Amanda, it’s only in truly accepting ourselves that we lose the fear of others not doing so, inner child work is a great practice for starting this.
Another way of finding and healing the inner child is to find a Partner, Spouse or Lover, whom carries the same physical, emotional, and mental blocks and scars from early child hood. Some one you resonate with eg., a (Twin soul or Soul mate). That can tune into your inner child, and help (her) (him) or (them) to come out from the subconscious hidden spots, in an environment of complete honesty, trust and safety and security with each other. As often some one trusted and close can assist in the opening of old wounds, abuses and missed opportunities in early child hood. This combined with advised Meditation on reaching your own inner child can bring profound healing and release of suffering. As you both grow out of bad times and bad places, like lotus plants pushing out the mud of a stagnant pond to flower above the surface.
Very true. I can share my own experience of being in a conscious relationship as testament to the power of growth through the push and pull fluctuations of relating through love and trust. This may not be accessible to everyone who reads this article, but for those who it is, it’s one of the greatest sources of growth. Thank you John.
I simply want to say while reading this article and even while writing this comment tears of gladness and deep seated pain couldn’t help to come to surface from a realization that my inner child wants and longs to connect with me and I so desire the same despite that I haven’t been fully committed. She/he want to heal and be contented, live life to its fullest with me.
I purchased your inner child journal last year but haven’t been able to continue but now I’m definitely encouraged to try again. I trust that if I do I’ll be able to improve in certain addictive habits that I struggle with and have been sabotaging my life in so many ways.
I have also to say that these past few days I have seriously been struggling with a sense of inferiority that have been festering since my growing up years. I can recognize certain things that greatly influenced me like having a set of parents that came from big families and they both were elders and also having a significant age gap between my sister and I. Also, nick named a childish name that made a impact upon my personality and influenced me to be and act as a child even as a grown up. Even after a main name change that has chased me!
At times I have felt that some people, specially those that are closest to me see that and use my childish dispositions to make me feel inferior. I’m also guilty of the same to those of similar dispositions or immature personalities. I trust and hope that will change as I set my eyes to do loving “inner child” work. This article have definitely been a ground prep to use the inner child journal. Thank you for your time in writing these articles. They are of amazing help to many of us struggling with so many unresolved issues and want the help. Peace and love to you both.
That’s beautiful to know Abigail, we’re blessed to hear we’ve reignited your spark to connect with your inner child. I can tell you from experience it’s the closest pathway to the heart (as cliche as connecting with the heart may sound to some.) Many of our addictive patterns, wounds, imbalances, are rooted from wanting to feel connected to that expansive feeling we find in the heart, and failing that; we indulge in temporary fixes to alleviate that tension.
I look forward to hearing where the journaling takes you :)
The journals you’ve created (inner child, shadow self, and twin flame) have helped us so much, thank you both for sharing your wisdom. We have so much gratitude and appreciation for both of you. ❤️
Thank you Amy, it’s wonderful knowing how deeply the journals have affected your journey <3
Thank you for helping me revisit my ‘inner child’ which was much in need today. This was a good read Sol.
Thank you Hussain, sometimes it takes a little reminder to tune in to what is needed the most right now :)
Thank you for focusing on this aspect. As an Exec Coach, I try to get my clients to make time and space, just to observe by way of visualisation, themselves as young children. Only once that child acknowledges them may they address that child, asking, “What is it that I can do for you, now?”
The responses have been wonderful, most often just being, “Hold me!”
Thanks again for adding to our lives. Christopher.
That’s awesome Christopher, I love seeing how inner child work is reaching all kinds of areas of improvement and healing. Many in the business community are hesitant of working with their ‘softer’ qualities like healing the child, or even meditation, because they fear that they’ll lose their ‘edge’ of aggression which they think is what drives their motivation. I appreciate the work you’re doing. :)
thank you for your information…is it okay for me to practice inner child although everytime i tried to make the child talk,she cried because i am the same..theres this one day when i opened up everything about my family to my counselor while crying uncontrollably and it actually take a lot for me to do it but she said to me you should stop crying and choose to cry on certain things only and not on everything and that actually hurts me so much but i just dont know what to do…
Hi Su,
Thank you for opening up and sharing here.
I’m so sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience with that counselor – telling you that “you should stop crying” is totally inappropriate! If I had been you, that would have hurt me deeply too. I recommend trying to find a therapist who specializes in inner child work as they will be much more sensitive to your pain and know how to hold space properly for it. You can also try learning how to love yourself as a wonderful way of caring for your inner child. Remember that inner child work is always about respecting your inner child — never try and force them to do anything they’re uncomfortable with, including talking. Go slow and be gentle. Much love