Humankind is an irrational, contradictory and endlessly inconsistent species.
Because of the complexity and unpredictability of our minds and the fact that most of our behavior is ruled by our subconscious depths, we act in very bizarre ways that often contradict what we feel deep down.
As something of a sociologist (of my own making), I have always been intrigued by not only the absurd behavior of others, but the paradoxical behavior that I also show that extends beyond the barriers of logic.
Perhaps one of the greatest realizations we can have in life is that everything is not as it seems on the surface, particularly people. So to be able to clearly see and appreciate the ambiguity and contradictory nature of everything around us gives us a much deeper understanding and appreciation of others.
Here are 5 interesting examples of paradox I’ve picked up on in human behavior. Remember that not all examples of paradox here are always true, only sometimes.
1. Aggressive self-confidence is a reflection of inner feelings of weakness and inferiority.
To overcompensate for feelings of powerlessness, people (often men) replace this with self-enforced self-confidence, aggression and dominating displays of behavior. Ironically, this often fools the person into believing (at least consciously) that they are an “alpha” male or female, despite their paradoxical unconscious fear of being a “weakling” or “small.” So when you meet a person who is constantly trying to “one-up” you, this is almost always a reflection of a deeper inferiority complex.
2. Sexual promiscuity is a reflection of inner feelings of ugliness and worthlessness.
Particularly in women, sleeping around or being “easy” is often portrayed as something befitting femme fatales, nymphomaniacs and “sluts.” However beyond that often lies feelings of immense insecurity, particularly in regards to body-image and self-esteem. Paradoxically, the more a person sleeps around the more desirable and therefore worthy (and simultaneously unworthy) they feel, escaping and at the same time returning back to those feelings of worthlessness.
3. The sweeter a person is, the more savage they are.
Although this is not always the case, the nicer a person is, the more shadow elements they are often repressing. Unless you are enlightened, it is often not the case that agreeable, easy-to-live-with people are complete saints. In fact, people-pleasers are often the angriest, depressed and anxious people around because they repress their less socially appealing elements into the shadow, and therefore become more internally savage and neurotic.
4. The quieter a person is, the louder they are.
The polarized personality temperaments of introversion and extroversion provide fascinating examples of paradox in human behavior. While extroverts are very vocal and socially gregarious, by themselves they are quiet, despondent and restless. Because their outer worlds are so flamboyant and busy, their inner worlds are often empty and “quiet.” Similarly, while introverts are very socially reserved and silent, internally their worlds are filled with vibrant thought, imagination and liveliness.
5. The funniest people are often the saddest people.
We think of funny people, particularly social clowns and professional comedians, as being innately happy and good-humored people. But strangely enough the funniest people are often the saddest people because humor is often used as a defense mechanism against darker emotions. Just look at Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, Spike Milligan, Stephen Fry, Bill Hicks, Peter Sellers and many other comedians who have either killed themselves, suffered from depression, or other major mental illnesses. Aside from humor being used to mask deeper issues, comedians are usually immensely intelligent people who can easily see through the lies and illusions of society, using incisive wit to captivate their audiences revealing the nature of humanity’s true insanity.
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These are only 5 examples of paradox that can be seen in mankind, but there are many others out there that I haven’t included in this article. It is humbling to realize that you can’t really take anything or anyone at face-value because often there are many deeper forces at work.
What examples of paradox in human behavior have you observed?
Quick examples of contradiction in behavior I noticed. It is more of a false idea of what we actually like, rather than an obvious contradiction. But it is to me also a form of contradiction.
S0, I call it being happy for false reasons, without realizing it. Example: a young person finds himself/herself truly loving to study a certain major in a certain university. A person may truly feel happy in their university, studying major of “their” choice. And they ARE truly happy. BUT they are happy not because of going to university in reality. They might actually hate the university and not realize that their current happiness comes from parental praise and approval. Many years later, they may realize they went to university because they wanted their parents to be proud of them and not because they wanted to study. And having parents proud and supportive creates an anormous amount of pleasure that feels like true happiness.
Another example of false reasons, or hidden/false motivations that a person may not himself/herself realize……A lady falls in love with a man and happens to want to be with him in a relationship. But this man is a millionaire and he spends a lot of money on her. She truly thinks she loves the man and she is truly happy. But one day, when her man loses his luck and goes bankrupt, she suddenly feels nothing and does not feel happy with the man any more. Then she realizes she was happy not because she loved the man, but because she loved the material things she got from him, which gave her extreme pleasure that felt like happiness.
Many times, I catch myself being happy for the reasons that I imagined falsely, only to realize many years later the true actual reasons for my happiness (and also unhappiness). . .
I learnt that it helps a lot to self-observe and pay attention to one’s own feelings on a daily basis (never neglect one’s feelings! pay attention to what you feel and describe it to yourself) in order not to get lost in the feelings, but rather understand it. You can learn to see right away the true reasons for your feelings, but it takes lots of practice. . Also, it is not enough to just pay attention to feelings. You need to pay attention to your own behavior and observe your long-term behavior pattern togethter with your feelings climate. . . .
My daughter is a therapist, reading your articles gives me the abililty to have meaningful conversations with her…thank you for these quick to read, well written articles.
The points raised are very true. I’m trying to wrap my head around the contradictions in human nature and its complexity.
And yet I’m willing to keep scrolling because I love what you have to say x
impossible to read as your articles constantly flip back to top of page soooooooooooo annoying
Hi
This makes no sense to me please help call 911 help me I’m a psychopath.
I read the article I enjoyed it.
I’m happy you liked it Michelle. :)
These are very true.I have found many people who are so loud extrovert show the society how sweet and perfect they are,display aggressive self importance while inside they are empty and worthless.They feel nonexistence inside while there outer world exists.
Strange how the world works!
One of my favorite subjects, Paradox. The personality paradoxes seems to me to be an expression of the insecure egos subconscious attempt to balance its energy, that is to reconcile its internal conflicts manifest as opposing and contradictory behaviors, when one approach results in internal repression of fears and desires, we manifest the opposite in attempt to relieve pressure. This forms a vicious cycle of self-reinforcing and validating responses. Repetitive behaviors and cycles of behavior that form their own momentum, and become more ingrained and severe over time. This is why you often see the most unhealthy personality types later on in life, its experiential accumulation.
Paradox as it relates to universal (at least ours) understanding is especially interesting. You have on the one hand science which posits truths based on observation and experimentation, and the reproduction of verifiable results to establish the applicability of the derived facts, usually with real world practical applications and their benefits. Also science makes a somewhat shallow attempt to explain our creation if not our existence, although even scientists will tell you their methods are inadequate to understand the reason and purpose of the existence of anything, never-mind awareness/consciousness. Science particularly in the last 20 years with discovery of multiple unsolvable mathematical paradoxes and the inability of any philosophy of physics to reconcile things such as quantum entanglement and black hole paradoxes tells us unequivocally that our present understanding of reality is extremely limited and we know a fraction of the scale of existence.
The scale of existence even as it is now known is staggering, probably infinite numbers of universes, contained in an infinite numbers of multiverses, contained in M-Branes, contained in “Strings” of almost infinite length, vibrating an infinite numbers of realities into existence. The numbers of these strings itself infinite (and as you’ll read later, this infinite number of strings itself subsumed into something truly incomprehensible, the infinite void/field of awareness itself. The strings containing everything else before it, are just one swirl in an infinite sea of swirls, each totally unique and as vast and complex as our own), how can we possibly hope to fathom it all?
On the other hand you have a tradition in human culture, stemming really from the same desire that science eventually did, to understand, understand existence through experience. What is better equipped to understand existence than the human mind? Nothing. We are part of existence, our mind the tool for understanding both itself and that which it perceives, swirls within swirls. Not that awareness originates there, awareness is omnipresent, it is in everything essentially, it’s just a matter of focus. The bi-location of quanta and the instant transmission of information between them is illustrative of the true nature of awareness, it is non-local, but focus-able by will. That is not to say that this focus of will has no limits, it does, the awareness itself has no limits(in its fundamental state), but its ability to focus and affect is constrained (in its conscious and unconscious manifestations or even more exotic forms, to varying degrees) by the inherent natural laws that develop in the formation of itself.
The question of “What formed the void/field/singularity awareness, all that is?” Creation and non-creation are products of the dualistic manifestation of the field. While it is a “property” of the field awareness to have both created and un-created aspects in its manifestations, it is not a defining or restrictive property of the field as a totality, and in fact has no bearing on it. The field itself and pertaining to itself has no laws to define it or restrict it, it is limitless and beyond the conceptualization abilities of our rational mind to understand. How can something exist free of any type of defining/restrictive laws or underlying mathematical structure? Understanding of the state of the totality of awareness; is ever present and accessible, but not to all the aspects/manifestations it produces at all times. This is a natural variance which would seem to fulfill the function of preventing the manifestation aspect of the field from collapsing in on itself, and concurrently the result of the *individualistic manifestations of that awareness (in an infinite number of degrees and levels towards and away from total ground realization).
*(not all manifestations are strictly “individual” in the sense that we would understand, for instance colony awareness/consciousness, but for purposes of simplicity we will use this word)
It is true that ultimately all apparent or every day or even very exotic truths end in paradox. That is they run up against an immovable force, their opposite and equal, they cancel each other out and reinforce/complement. Opposing or parallel truths* which would seem to prevent one another from existing and yet do, are intrinsically related. They are the same truth seen through a dualistic and relativistic lens, witnessing different contours of the truth as expressed by that particular manifestation and perceived also by the consciously elevated aspect of that same manifestation, itself. However it can not always understand itself as it “objectively” exists, only time slices viewed statically, although normally perceived with uniform/seamless cohesion. At this point it becomes apparent that the resolution of these seemingly insurmountable obstacles to understanding can only be resolved in one place, the direct experience of the human “mind”, the experience of the thing experiencing itself and therefore its environment, one in the same.
*truths may lose substance (a bit like a hologram disappearing into the blackness) when either shrunk to a near irreducible point, or diffused/expanded to a point of near total emptiness. Scale is the fundamental aspect upon which the relativistic/subjective framework of our mode of perception is built and which is perceived by the mind as what we call dualism/other/timespace. The subjects relation to it (scale), defines whole worlds within worlds unknown to each other, we would view these places and their inhabitants as something incredible, it would change us, as if taking off one type of mind and putting on another (and yet even this is within only our own swirl, the fact that it is possible to access other ones crushes any hope of comprehension, except by direct experience). Even through this there is a continuity of self ultimately, because the chain of causation which it participates in stays unbroken, this opens up tremendous possibilities. The chain of causation is thought of mainly as within the manifestation aspect, but also it exists as a eternal state within the totality of the whole field awareness, eternally accessible, their are infinite numbers of these chains, as many as there are its manifestations, all unique, and also as one (from multi-dimensional conglomerate chains to us, all essentially equal and co-regent). This is our playground, many jewels strung on living lines of iridescent love/power/awareness; shining magnificently against the empty grandeur of the void mind.
I tend to think of us as swirls in the waters of awareness (To clarify, our universe,all created things are perhaps these swirls, one within another, but really this is an illusion as well. Size, distance, time, all vagaries of the temporary features of the swirl, in other words scale is a trick, I am the universe, there are galaxies in my arm), the momentum of the swirl itself is consciousness and time. But what caused the swirl to begin? Perhaps others swirls, but initially? Likely it is simply an inherent property of the field of awareness to do so, the fundamental tendency of awareness to swirl is not a negative thing, it is the cause of life and experience itself (it is so to speak the complement of feature-lessnes of the field, the final complement). But such things are not eternal, eventually the momentum evaporates itself out after reaching a peak, the dissipation of our life through interaction and use of our will.
The swirl simply absorbs back into itself, peacefully becoming indistinct from that which it was formed. After all what would the field be without the variation, and stimulation of the swirls? It is a natural tendency of awareness to seek out variety, novelty, and experience, and also to seek the awesome finality of ground existence.
This is non duality (the idea of which is paradoxical to our mundane existence), that featureless awesome moment when we lose focus on our momentary individuality and become the whole endless ground field of that which is all. It follows that any swirl is essentially the same stuff, separated only by the fact that one is not the other (insofar as they experience each other in the context of their temporary condition), and each has its own unique and splendid features (including “laws” and modes of perception and existence, endless forms, unknowable to us as we are)
This is repeated endlessly, formation and reintegration, each experience totally unique and singular yet weaved together (in other words, it never gets old). While one form may grow old and stale, another rises with the beautiful freshness and seemingly endless possibility of youth. And it is endless possibility for all time, of course this essential and wonderful truth must be obscured from time to time and we experience this as suffering and separation, it is a natural and necessary balancing, although it is also natural and necessary to strive back, and so we are.
Note, at any time I believe when unfocused as field awareness we can choose to simply stay there as long as we like (silly words to use but..), this is not a tortuous carnival ride, we have ultimate choice, but who doesn’t like to take a dip in the ocean? You do not need to worry, when you can feel the joy of pure naked existence, this is all you have to do.
-Z
hi……
hiya
Brilliant post!
It’s always interesting to watch people and observe behaviours. Sometimes it can be surprising what you can discover just by being a quiet witness in different situations and not becoming too involved, as it can help in becoming familiar with different types of people.
Going back to the examples I really identify with #3 and #4.
I like the way youve listed these paradoxes! People don’t normally think about the deeper contradiction to the surface. I dont agree with the title though that ‘humans are the most illogical species on earth’, humans are considered unique in their capacity for logic, I can see the word ‘complex’ fitting more!
Another example of the comedian you’ve described is Jim Carey :)
Thanks for the post!
Easy going ness FOR laziness
Loudness FOR righteousness
Quietness FOR intelligence
Extrinsic love FOR intrinsic shortcomings
Good heartedness FOR conflict avoidance
Snottiness FOR shyness
And the list goes on
Cynikal
Great examples of paradoxical behaviour!
Very perceptive article. I agree with these assertions as I either experience them first hand or have observed them in people close to me. Thank you.
In the world I work in (Substance Abuse) the paradox is “you have to quit to win “
Thanks you for this well integrated peice — your first sentence sums up the human situation very well
no 5.reminds me of an extremely funny radio man who just sat quietly in the corner at a family party
I can tell you, by personal experience that you are spot on with #1 and #2. I am very introverted and love to be alone, so I can relate to that also. I can’t even imagine being extroverted and have to rely on other people for my happiness and feelings of worthiness. BTW, thank you for such interesting articles, I really enjoy your site.